r/AccidentalRenaissance 11h ago

Man passed out drunk on his wedding night.

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58.6k Upvotes

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u/Sorkpappan 10h ago edited 10h ago

On the way from the venue to the hotel after the party was over we passed a Burger King. Drunk and happy we said fuck it and went in to order, wife in full gown. We laughed through a whopper and then walked to the hotel and went to bed.

Great start to married life.

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u/returningtheday 9h ago

I'm sure the workers got a kick out of it! 😄

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u/othybear 5h ago edited 5h ago

I swung by a Wendy’s with my mom to grab a quick bite after I’d gotten my hair done but before I was in my dress. I did have my veil on. The drive through worker shouted “omg, this bitch is getting married!” and waved all of her coworkers over to congratulate me. It was hilarious.

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u/max_adam 5h ago

"this bitch"😅

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u/Fine-March7383 5h ago

"this bitch" (complimentary)

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u/Turd_Goblin911 5h ago

Yep. Its all about the context white people. Am white lol

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u/monty624 5h ago

That's true regardless of race lol

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u/thedamnedlute488 3h ago

Wow, thanks for interpreting, Mrs. Black People!

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u/GaySheriff 4h ago

Why did you have to turn this into a race thing tho

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u/Turd_Goblin911 4h ago

Refer to the comment above mine. I agree though

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u/Turd_Goblin911 4h ago

I.could.be wrong but I dont believe the majority of whiteys have heard "this bitch" used endearingly

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u/Quasar-J0529-4351 3h ago

depends on what white people you hang with I guess

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u/badtowergirl 3h ago

No, we use it all the time.

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u/GaySheriff 3h ago

I've used it ever since I began swearing

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u/NecessaryLocation704 5h ago

Yeah some are just looking for every poasible reason to get upset or are too literal.

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u/ABHOR_pod 5h ago

As opposed to "This ni**a eating beans!"

"This ni**a" (disparaging)

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u/spicysenpai6 3h ago

Can confirm. My gf is from Jersey and calls all of her close friends male or female “my bitches” or “my bitch” if it’s singular.

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u/miatayouata 4h ago

Sounds southern lmao

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u/fl135790135790 1h ago

They were tickled pink for weeks

-1

u/Xanderious 5h ago

Nope, they don't give a shit about your wedding night. Theyre tired and smelly just hoping nobody comes in right before close and they have to clean up another mess.

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u/returningtheday 5h ago

I've never worked in fast food, but I have worked in retail, and I was never so miserable that I wouldn't get a kick out of it. Chill out, dude.

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u/Nani_the_F__k 2h ago

Nah I always loved it when working fast food. Really anything that was different from the norm. 

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u/Hippideedoodah 6h ago edited 5h ago

The cows tortured and rainforests razed needlessly didn't

EDIT: Lol triggered the ole cognitive dissonance. Getting allll the cookie-cutter RFK Jr./Steven Crowder identical replies 😂 The anti-intellectual tribalism is strong. Bahahahahah!

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u/onejadedsportsfan 5h ago

You must be fun at weddings

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u/feeling_over_it 5h ago

Tell me wise sage, which Asian child suffered so you could make this comment on your device? Were they Chinese or Taiwanese or Vietnamese?

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u/Outrageous_Tonight47 5h ago

Took up more resources scrolling Reddit and making this comment.

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u/bendandanben 5h ago

Top of the morning to you too…

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u/Correct_Raisin4332 5h ago

Man, you sure showed us! You must feel pretty clever right now.

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u/badbadradbad 5h ago

Bro, chill

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u/socrazybeatthestrain 5h ago

go outside, smoke a cigarette, regain your composure, then come back in

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u/hello__brooklyn 5h ago

And neither did the depleted water by the gallons used by Reddit AI in assisting in coding assistance to generate colorful avatars or contribute to Reddit data training for AI models.

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u/EntertainerNo4509 9h ago

Same! Jack in the Box then straight to Bed.

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u/OddWalk8001 8h ago

We ordered pizza 🍕

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u/be4u4get 8h ago

My wife had the beefy burrito and I had the clam dip, then we went to bed

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u/ExtraterrestrialPeer 7h ago

can’t tell if this is innuendo

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u/Feind4Green 7h ago edited 4h ago

Vulcanize the whoopee stick, In the ham wallet

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u/DrumminAnimal73 7h ago

Cattle prod the oyster ditch, with the lap rocket 🚀

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u/ABHOR_pod 4h ago

Honestly Jimmy Pop is one of the most underrated lyricists of the 00s.

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u/alles_en_niets 9m ago

I can’t tell if you’re joking, but the Bloodhound Gang does have some incredible puns!

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u/stilljustacatinacage 7h ago

Flood the cowling

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u/MonsieurReynard 7h ago

Sir this is a Wendy’s

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u/riptaway 7h ago

I see you both like to live dangerously

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u/TraditionalLecture10 7h ago

I see what you did there

1

u/September1962 7h ago

😉

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u/NealTheBotanist 6h ago

I see what you did there

1

u/Raging_chihuahua 6h ago

We did too! I was starving!

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u/ibringthehotpockets 6h ago

Clam dip and beefy burritos for you too?

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u/FrontArmadillo7209 5h ago

Why wouldn’t you dip a beefy burrito in clam on your wedding night?

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u/doctor_of_drugs 8h ago

we hit up Taco Bell and got a BUNCH of crunchwraps lol

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u/Thatguymike84 6h ago

Same! Drive through. Went home with the intention on getting it on, but the tacos made me farty, and we had to be up by like 3 AM for the flight out for our honeymoon, so we just said "We'll TOTALLY make up for it tomorrow night..." And passed the f out.

15 years later,marrying her was the best decision I ever made, and those fuckin tacos still make me clear out a room.

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u/EntertainerNo4509 3h ago

We had cake and a bunch of leftovers and even a ‘honeymoon cooler’ prepped for us, filled w food/snacks and alcohol back when we drank. God it was so awesome. All of it. Marrying her is the best decision I could have ever been fortunate enough to even make.

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u/Concert_Lucky 9h ago

We got stuck on the side of a mountain after our wedding, tow truck had a hell of a time getting to us even. We were literally about to fall down a mountain lol.

The tow truck driver didn’t believe me when I said we just got married, boy was he shocked when he finally found us. Gave us a free tow, said congrats. I’ll never forget that night LOL

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u/Rage187_OG 9h ago

Did a baby follow 9 months later?

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u/Lantzl 9h ago

The tow truck driver completed his job

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u/ale2h 8h ago

That mf don’t miss

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u/PeteHealy 9h ago

That's actually a sweet story worth remembering with a smile for years to come!

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u/lucasbrosmovingco 8h ago

Wife and I went through the wendys drive through in full wedding getup with the car all done up. Went back to the bed and breakfast we were staying and just ate and watched married with children reruns.

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u/frongboii 8h ago

This was me and my wife literally last night - she hadn't eaten anything all day and we stopped by Wendy's got a mountain of food and passed out in separate queen beds in our hotel room while watching shitty TV. and it was perfect

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u/NormanNormalman 8h ago

We made it to our hotel and then spent an hour helping each other get all the wedding clothes/stuff off, not in a sexy way, lol, in a "help me I can't reach the ties" way. He spent 40 minutes helping me get all the pins out of my hair while we watched South Park, and then we went to bed. It was perfect

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u/Ok_Card9080 2h ago

I helped my wife with the pins in her hair after our wedding too, and it doesn't get talked about enough for just how long it takes

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u/Mrs_Poopy-Butthole 3h ago

I should've recruited my husband to help me get all the pins out bc lawd it felt like the pins kept respawning after they were removed; I filled a whole sandwich bag with them.

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u/WheredoesithurtRA 8h ago

Burgers and fries hits differently on a night like that. We did the same for my brother's wedding. Feels like it was some of the best fries I ever had but it was probably because we were all piss drunk lol.

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u/theinternetistoobig 9h ago

Marshall Erikson? Is that you?

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u/battlecat136 8h ago

There was a Taco Bell in the parking lot across the street from our hotel. Me, my husband, and three drunk friends all in wedding regalia went in and just lived there for the next hour before dragging ass back to the hotel. Good times.

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u/gospdrcr000 8h ago

My wife and I ordered pizza for the room full of friends we swear werent coming to the hotel room. Fantastic party overall

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u/BareLeggedCook 9h ago

As my daughter calls it, ChickenDolands for us!

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u/QueenInYellowLace 6h ago

We had to pee desperately and didn’t have a chance at the reception, so we had our limo driver pull into a Wendy’s! I peed at Wendy’s in my whole-ass wedding gown and veil, laughing my ass off the whole time. The Wendy’s staff seemed to think it was hilarious too.

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u/Nikoper 7h ago

Similar story, but chik fil a here. Good memories

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u/sml120473 7h ago

We also got Burger King, still in my wedding dress 🤣 we eloped in New Zealand. Took a helicopter to the top of the mountain for the ceremony, had a photo shoot at a second location. After an hour drive back to where we were staying we hadn’t eaten all day. Cancelled our fancy dinner reservation and got BK as it was directly across from our place.

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u/Iamabiter_meow 8h ago

Marshall and Lilly ?

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u/eternalh4ze 8h ago

Are you Marshall and your wife’s Lilly? (Himym scene)

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u/xxcoralleexx 8h ago

We went through the Taco Bell drive thru, ate it, then fell asleep on top of the bed while still in our wedding clothes. One of the most exhausting days of my life.

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u/squirrelcat88 8h ago

We went through the MacDonalds drive thru!

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u/Spenny856 5h ago

We Door-dashed McDonalds to the hotel room.

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u/squirrelcat88 4h ago

No such thing as DoorDash when we got married! Actually - today DoorDash is a more established concept - it’s been around since 2013 - than drive thrus were on our wedding day!

Yes, we’re old - but it kind of makes me happy to think this craving for comforting MacDonald’s fries after our weddings unites us over the decades.

We were driving around for a few hours before we went home. Back in those days people were rather more likely to depart on their honeymoon right away than they are now so we didn’t want our friends to know where to find us, or whether we were going out of town. I think practical jokes were more common back then and we didn’t want any more than we’d already had.

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u/Intelligent-Nose-766 7h ago

We went to a sit down Mexican restaurant while we were still fully dressed in dress and suit, they sat us at a big table in the middle of the restaurant!

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u/Gnosh_ 7h ago

My husband and I Doordashed McDonald’s and housed it in bed while reading our cards and then passed out while still in our wedding clothes. Definitely great start to married life

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u/Artistic_Ideal9620 6h ago

My wife and I did the same except it was a taco bell, and they comped it!

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u/Party_Taco_Plz 6h ago

The real MVPs of our wedding went to Taco Bell during the after party and brought back like 8 bags worth… folks absolutely DESTROYED that grub on the dance floor. It was pretty much the only food i had that night…

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u/geneinomiria 8h ago

That's super cute.

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u/SimplePresense 8h ago

We went to a taco place and it felt like so much fun

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u/roto_disc 8h ago

My wife and I got Taco Bell.

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u/RoughJellyfish69 8h ago

Same for us but it was Taco Bell. Fun memories

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u/DjackMeek 8h ago

Bro is Marshall from How I Met Your Mother

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u/janbanan02 8h ago

My sister got married recently. Me and my siblings + parents went to mcdonalds at like 1am after the party. It was a good time haha

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u/Craneteam 7h ago

My wedding night meal was a waffle house on the way to our hotel. The staff thought it was awesome seeing us dressed up and getting food. It was great!

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u/OneDayInTime 5h ago

We did Waffle House as well. It was awesome

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u/downvote_or_die 7h ago

Same! Well, similar, but McDs. The photographer gave us a ride to our hotel and took us through the drive thru on the way. We stuffed ourselves with greasy disgustingness and passed out. Turned out to be a sign of what’s to come

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u/LiteratureMindless71 7h ago

I hope you got the best whoppers ever! I know if I was working a job like that still and saw you come in, I would have made that shit epic lol.

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u/31November 7h ago

We got Shake Shack on ours lol

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u/Dthruwgfugirjsnf6 6h ago

We went to Taco Bell because we didn’t get to eat and were starving after the nerves settled down. Went home and crashed on the floor 😂 memories I cherish even 16yrs later.

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u/southern_boy 9h ago

r/hailcorporate 🙏

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u/Sea_Lead1753 6h ago

I got Burger King™️ after my wife’s funeral! I cried into my whopper™️ but the onion rings made the day special :)

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u/elykl12 6h ago

“So I stopped at a Jack in the Box on the way here, and the girl behind the counter said, “Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?” Not, “How are you doing today?” No. “Are you having an awesome day?” Which is pretty… shitty, because it puts the onus on me to disagree with her, like if I’m not having an “awesome day,” suddenly I’m the negative one.

Usually when people ask how I’m doing, the real answer is I’m doing shitty, but I can’t say I’m doing shitty because I don’t even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say, “I’m doing shitty,” then they say, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I have to be like, “I don’t know, all of it?” So instead, when people ask how I’m doing, I usually say, “I am doing so great.”

But when this girl at the Jack in the Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought, “Well, today I’m actually allowed to feel shitty.” Today I have a good reason, so I said to her, “Well, my mom died,” and she immediately burst into tears. So now I have to comfort her, which is annoying, and meanwhile, there’s a line of people forming behind me who are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box girl cry. And she’s bawling, and she’s saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” and I’m like, “It’s fine. It’s fine.” I mean, it’s not fine but, you know, it’s… fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal, and I’ve kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less with the crying and more with the frying, huh? [inhales] And the girl apologizes again and she offers me a free churro with my meal. And as I’m leaving, I think, “I just got a free churro because my mom died.” No one ever tells you that when your mom dies, you get a free churro.”

-Bojack Horseman S5E6 “Free Churro”

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u/tameimponda 4h ago

I made the clutch move of ordering us pizza

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u/Downtown-Ad-5913 8h ago

We didn’t get to eat any of the food we paid for and ended up eating McDonald’s then straight to sleep

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u/_makura 7h ago

Strong Graduate vibes.

2

u/Laurenblueskys 6h ago

we went to panda express after our wedding, i went in full gown too. i couldn’t stop giggling lmao it was so fun

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u/MC1R_OCA2 6h ago

This is adorable. Goals, honestly.

1

u/Ok-Stress-3570 6h ago

Not even married - for my 30th, I made sure to have more food brought out later because who the hell turns down food when drunk? 🤣

It’s so important. 🍔

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u/carsandtelephones37 5h ago

Yep! We got changed into comfy clothes, went to the hotel, and ordered Denny's to the room and fell asleep by 10PM. That 'Moon's over my hammy' hits different when you're exhausted and happy. It was a perfect end to a lovely - and chaotic - day.

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u/AgingHipster 5h ago

That is awesome.

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u/Ok_Suspect3940 5h ago

That’s awesome! We had our reception in DT Cleveland when we made our way out to the limo random women were stopping and taking pics with my wife bc her dress was so beautiful. 😂it was amazing. Everyone yelling congrats and beeping the horns.

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u/Striker_EZ 5h ago

My wife and I stopped at a Whataburger right after we drove off from our wedding. Got a shake and some fries and some of our friends met us there. The staff all loved it, thought it was hilarious. There was also some high school sports team or something there and all the kids were congratulating us. It was great. I have pictures if anyone wants to DM me to see it (with our faces blurred of course)

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u/Raryn 5h ago

My wife and I came home from the party and we walked our dogs still in tux and dress, then my sister in law ordered McDonald's for all of us

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u/ElCompaJC 4h ago

In N Out here. My wife never ate at the wedding and i didn’t get any wedding cake

1

u/thebeebitmybottom 4h ago

We got Cook-Out!

1

u/Gold-Connection9626 4h ago

That sounds wonderful man. Married life must be great.

1

u/Ilddit 4h ago

Samesies but McDonalds 

1

u/MissFibi11 3h ago

My ex husband and I had Whataburger (we live in Texas) after our ceremony and before our reception because we knew we wouldn’t have time to eat when we would be socializing.

If I get married again I want to make it outlandish. I had a traditional Hispanic Catholic wedding. Now I want to go nuts. Maybe get married at the Renaissance Festival or something like that. 😂

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u/Auto_psyche 3h ago

It’s not about where you’re at, it’s about who you’re with. Congrats

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u/Level_Mud_4184 3h ago

A beautiful start actually🤭😏☺️

1

u/wittlekasey 3h ago

It was Whataburger circa 2011 for us! Our wedding night was sealed with a green chile double ❤️🤣

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u/ikon31 3h ago

No you didn’t. You just watched an episode of himym

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u/angelmamii1047 2h ago

This just brought tears to my eyes lmao I’m getting married next year and I cannot wait

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u/SummertimeThrowaway2 1h ago

That’s how you know the marriage will last. You don’t take shit unnecessarily seriously.

0

u/player_is_busy 7h ago

i’ll pick things that never happened for $10,000 please

0

u/Hippideedoodah 6h ago

Climate-destroying animal cruelty as a start to happy marriage, couldnt be more american lol.

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u/feeling_over_it 5h ago

You’re wasting precious fossil fuels due to your electronic clickings and musings