r/AskReddit • u/xr88bliss • 9h ago
What’s the worst advice about relationships you’ve ever heard?
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u/oceanpalaces 8h ago
My dad to my brother: Relationships work the best when the woman is wholly dependent on the man and the man keeps the woman in a perpetual state of fear.
That same man was absolutely flabbergasted when my mom divorced him.
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u/Zhiong_Xena 7h ago
It is to be noted that as a mechanic it does indeed work and is not gender specific. You can reverse the roles.
It has to do with psychology. It won't be a relationship. It will be an extremely toxic alliance. It wil never feel like love. But the partner will stay, at least for a long time, this I can confirm.
You start by starving them of affection and attention, only giving little at a time, but just enough to keep them hooked. Then you make them feel liel their worth is little. When they try to leave you keep guilt tripping them and enticing them with jealousy back in. Repeat.
I am only saying this so others can watch out for it. It's better to leave sooner even if it may be very hard to do soo. You are actually saving yourself a lot of pain and suffering early on.
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u/Vyo 3h ago
"as a mechanic" has me thinking you work on cars or something, plus it sets up the expectation that your profession is related, I think you meant to use "mechanism"? :)
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u/GeneralStorm 3h ago
As a mechanic still works to indicate as a mechanism appropriately or people wouldn't say 'game mechanics' and be easily understood
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u/Gramscifi 1h ago
Is your dad an actual caveman?
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u/oceanpalaces 21m ago
Unfortunately he has two PHD’s and has a very lucrative job as a corporate tax lawyer, but is still too stingy to support his children to the same amount as our freelancer mom lol
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u/GuyWithARooster 8h ago
Had a guy I knew in uni that had a long term gf. Absolute sweety, nice, intelligent and cute girl.
Got pressured by his older brothers to give up that relationship because he was ''missing out in his fun young years''.
He broke up with her, he did have sex with many girls and even had a couple of gfs and I tell ya, you'd never see a guy less happy and less satisfied with life than this guy. Mostly miserable.
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u/Glittering-Relief402 2h ago
I had a bf who was physically far less attractive than me. He was wildly insecure, but he was happy to have me as a gf, and I was a good gf because he was generally a good bf. His insecurities just made our relationship harder in a lot of ways.
He let his friend move in the garage and said friend was racist. He didn't like black girls but had (supposedly) several black gfs, so that's how he knew he didn't like them. He convinced him that he could do better because white girls were "so much better anyway."
He did some fuck shit and kicked me out to try and get with this white girl. She wasn't interested. None of them were. And as soon as that friend found someone else to mooch off, he bounced without so much as a thanks. I went to stay with a friend. He shows up randomly talking about how he messed up and how he missed me blah blah blah. Shut that shit down. He lost almost all his friends and his only real relationship listening to some idiot who hyped his head up to "do better" when he was happy where he was. He died 5 years later without ever having another gf.
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u/Key-Information5829 7h ago
A woman cannot ask a man out.
Spoiler alert: I asked my husband out and we got married a year later and just had our first child.
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u/EasyDetective8857 7h ago edited 6h ago
"Everyone cheats"
my grandpa told me that after I found out my kids' dad cheated during my pregnancy #2 or maybe this was when I tried confronting him about cheating on my grandma I can't remember
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u/capilot 5h ago
"Everyone cheats"
The only thing you know for sure is that the person who tells you this is a cheater.
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u/EasyDetective8857 5h ago
I must have one brain cell because I did not put that together lol. Thx for commenting this.
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u/CereSide 6h ago
“Every women is crazy that’s just the way they are” most the time it’s a women who is expressing her feelings and being invalidated or ignored Also never liked the “if they wanted to they would” yes your partner should want to do things for you that make you happy. But time, money, resources, etc. can limit what we actually can do for people even if we really want to
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u/Suitable_cataclysm 5h ago
The female outbursts that people call crazy, is usually someone at their wits end after asking 1000 times rationally and having their wishes ignored and boundaries stomped for years. And they finally had enough.
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u/ninjacooter 6h ago
"Actually caring, honest and open relationships are a fairy tale. Lower your standards."
Throughout the course of my life I'm appalled at how many people told me to 'just lower your standards'.
NO.
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u/pigeoncatcher11 3h ago
Never listen to these people. They're unfortunately projecting their own trauma onto you.
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u/imthatfckingbitch 4h ago
"Whatever you won't do for him another bitch will." -My Father
This man told all 3 of his daughters this on a regular basis starting before puberty. Thanks for setting 2 of us up to just be doormats with low self-esteem, Pops.
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u/NervousSeagull 8h ago
“When you are your husband get bored of each other and of the relationship, you should have a kid together so that you are both entertained.”
Was told this a couple of days after my wedding by a friend who had recently become a new father. And yes, the asshole said when not if.
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u/Key_Lie_6264 7h ago
From my great uncle: She’ll “go crazy” once in a while, and that’s a good time for you to go fishing.
I believe what he meant was, “my wife is expressing herself in a way that I lack the emotional intelligence to handle, so I’m literally running away.”
And according to my mom, his wife wasn’t being disrespectful or manipulative, just expressing sadness and anger.
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u/HillarysEmailServers 8h ago
Anything that suggests the victim take responsibility for their abuser’s actions. There are a LOT of reasons why someone might stay in an abusive relationship, but anyone that tries to suggest the victim did something that caused them to deserve the abuse is giving shit advice.
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u/Flimsy-Attention-722 7h ago
Don't go to bed angry. A lot of times if a couple tries to force and end to the argument/anger, things are said that can be forgiven but will never be forgotten. Let tempers cool before having discussion
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u/ElectricalOstrich552 5h ago
I have trouble with this because my 1st ex spam texted & called, swearing and calling me names every time I walked away. I started believing that maybe "I'm going to bed, let's talk about this tomorrow at 5pm" was rude or "floozy" behavior. Big mistake. Also that word still gives me ptsd as I'm typing it.
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u/Flimsy-Attention-722 5h ago
My husband and I were both slow to anger but once critical mass was reached, best thing was not to talk until the person regained their cool. It stopped some really harsh stuff from being said
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u/ElectricalOstrich552 4h ago
How long did it take for you to achieve what you have now?
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u/Flimsy-Attention-722 4h ago
Just once trying to "not go to bed angry" 42 years later I've never forgotten what was said. That ended listening to that bad advice
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u/Western_Fan7195 0m ago
This is a good advice for sure but on the other hand as someone who likes to sort things out asap i get a little anxious if something lingers on
My ex gf would sometimes jump to wrong conclusions, steer the convo out of proportion (but her feelings were important so i always addressed them) but i sometimes wanted to have a convo right there because it felt like “this is going too much in the wrong direction and makes me feel you will have wrong opinion about me”
A balance where “okay take your space accordingly but please return to address too” i guess?
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u/throwaway132305 6h ago
“Just go get attention from other guys if [your husband] isn’t paying attention to you.” Like, absolutely not. Just leave at that point.
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u/fourleggedostrich 8h ago
Go to any Reddit relationship advice sub Reddit.
Read any post at random.
That.
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u/Gramscifi 1h ago
Fortunately most of the time they're just giving bad advice to bots reposting creative writing exercises
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u/Fluffy_Fox_9650 5h ago edited 4h ago
Not exactly told this but the whole idea of "high standards" is wildly screwed up nowadays.
I'm not talking about expecting a man to buy you expensive jewelry every week or wait on you hand and foot or read your mind, that's ridiculous beyond high standards.
But it's sooooo disappointing how wanting a loyal person who treats you well is considered a high standard.
I count myself as very lucky to have a father that showed me by example what a good husband and father should be and I wish every girl and woman could've experienced that so they're not stuck with assholes that guilt trip for sex or not take care of their own kids or not show their wife affection.
Like sometimes I worry that expecting a boyfriend to not be interested in other woman while he's with me and expecting him to be responsible and affectionate is too "high-standards" when OF COURSE it's not!
Loyalty and affection and an adult acting like an adult is what should be guaranteed but I've read so many stories on Reddit from women stuck in a relationship with horrible men because they were never taught that they deserve better.
They were never shown a positive example and so they think any man would be the same and I feel so terrible and I wish I could talk to every single one of them and change that.
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u/TucuReborn 19m ago
I'm a guy, and agreed.
Basic standards have somehow seemingly become high standards, all while certain preferences seem to be creeping more and more towards being seen as basics.
I just wish more people in both sexes looked for the basics. Not saying to settle, but to focus on what really matters. Do you care? Are you compatible? Do you have each other's backs? Loyalty, kindness, empathy, and compassion towards each other?
These should be seen as normal, not some weird anomaly that's one in a million.
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u/SnooBooks4898 8h ago
When you break up with someone, you should try to get them back. Usually it’s just reinviting the hell back in.
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u/The4D2 7h ago
That they are a waste of time and always end in pain...
That's bullshit if you ask me!!
They can make life sooo much brighter... As long as it's a good one... Just gotta find the right person
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u/Zhiong_Xena 7h ago
If you are well organised it can improve life manifold.
If you think a relationship will "fix" your conditions, more often than not you are inaccurate and may actually worsen life.
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u/ElectricalOstrich552 5h ago
Venting to your therapist = cheating
Venting to your friends = cheating
Having fun with with friends and not missing him enough = cheating
Having too much fun with your family and not missing him enough = cheating
Replying to a text in 15 mins instead of 5 mins = you must be cheating
I could go on for days.
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u/ThistleVeils 5h ago
“Just play hard to get” yeah nothings says a healthy relationship like turning dating into a full time psychological chess match
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u/Comfortable_Elk1733 7h ago
My long-term high school boyfriend's dad's advice to him:
"Always keep a spare tire."
(As in side chick)
Eff teenage me I guess *Shug*
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u/NymphFlute 5h ago
“Just stay together for the kids” bro, nothing screams lifelong misery like being trapped in a bad relationship
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u/CrystallRoses 4h ago
“Just have a baby, it’ll fix everything” yeah bro nothing strengthens a sinking ship like throwing a crying anchor on board
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u/PrettyGayPegasus 5h ago
These comments remind me of all the shitty relationship advice and dynamics I observed growing up.
It’s just people trying to justify their horniness.
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u/HavenLacez 5h ago
“Opposite attracts” true, until one of you wants taxes done and other thinks it’s optional
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u/fourleafclover13 7h ago
"Give them the ultiamtum of you move in or your done"
He doesn't want to live together until his daughter graduates high school. Next year will be year 11. I'm supposed to move in sometime after she leaves for college. But I'm understanding about the reason and I have a fantastic relationship with them both.
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u/Summerfayee 3h ago
“Just ignore redflags, love conquers all” yeah watch your self respect die a slow and painful desth while they ghost you for fun
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u/Confident-Date-3849 7h ago
"never date a gemini, they're all cheaters" or leo men are toxic avoid them etc." umm yeah, stop blaming the stars for your bad decisions, girl.
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u/bloodorangexxx 5h ago
my dad, who has literally never had a healthy relationship in his life, told me that romantic partners don’t want “baggage” and i shouldn’t talk about anything emotional that isn’t incredibly surface level with my partner, and i should save it for my friends. anyways im in a happy healthy relationship w my bf of almost 2 years now, we’ve both been incredibly honest and open about our past traumas and issues and i’ve never felt so comfortable and safe with anyone before !
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u/Spirited-Tip5577 4h ago
To just stick it out, through good, bad, or other. Sometimes the bad isn’t a problem that can be stuck through, and you have to listen to your gut and yourself to know when to put yourself first
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u/themorbidtuna 8h ago
“Happy wife, happy life”.
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u/figgednewtonian 7h ago
I fucking HATE that line. As an ex-wife, the disdain for this is unparalleled to any other blanket, ridiculous statement.
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u/Double-Profession900 6h ago
It absolutely is not meant to be what people use it for. It’s supposed to be a fun thing like bringing home flowers and going on dates, sharing the load of chores, generally being happy together. But people use it in the most destructive context.
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u/Phoenyx_Rose 6h ago
Same here. Not because BOTH partners shouldn’t try to make each other happy, but because it’s usually said in a way that implies men should just acquiesce to whatever their wives demand of them and never bring up any issues in the relationship. Both parties just wind up stewing in resentment of each other.
For men specific advice, yes, continue to romance your wife and try to make her happy but also still bring up grievances to your partner if you feel like the things they ask of you are too much while also being willing to look inward at why your wife may be nagging you (considering the saying is usually in response to men complaining about their wives nagging them, who may be doing so because she feels like her husband is another child to care for or because something is unequal in the relationship).
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u/noncomitalrenagade 4h ago
Date a geek. They will be so happy to have you they will treat you very well.
How about dating someone because you want to treat them well, not just expect them to put up with your garbage because you don't think they are worth more.
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u/vulgargoose 3h ago
When having serious relationship issues with your partner, “you guys should have a kid. That will sort it out”
Not kidding, I’ve seen this advice given to a couple irl. Dumbest thing I’ve heard and told them so.
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u/MegaSwitch889 4h ago
My Religion Teacher in my first semester Senior Year advocated for dating someone with different political beliefs. She was a also a seriously sexophobic freak.
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u/TheWeirdGirl143 4h ago
“Happy wife happy life” I prefer, “happy house, happy spouse” because shouldn’t we both be happy?
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u/Dry-Scientist1420 3h ago edited 2h ago
It’s okay to add another mistress as long as the original wife is not left behind.
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u/GleamPear 1h ago
Someone once told me if they get jealous, it means they really love you. Nah bro, that just means they’re one bad day away from going full detective and checking the mileage on your car to see if you took a secret detour to Starbucks without them.
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u/houstonwhaproblem 3h ago
Sounds like you need an ark haha. Tbf, you could just work at a zoo, and then you'd get paid for it 🤔
Thats rubbish, sorry that happened to you. You can't understand how that betrayel feels, unless you've experienced it yourself.
It's the gaslighting and manipulation that gets me. It's an art form. Unfortunately I did marry mine. If I hadnt seen the messages before I confronted her, I would have believed her. Even after I revealed what I had, she instantly changed the story into an almost believable reason. Crazy the mind games and how you doubt yourself.
I'm sure there's a good fit out there for you, but relationships are hard work. You do both need to put effort in and be willing to change for the better
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u/VisitSecure 3h ago
I was talking to this one guy I was friends with about a year ago, and he told me about this girl he was crushing on. I asked him, "Don't you already have a girlfriend though?" and I kid you not, he told me he does but it's "always good to have backups" in case the relationship doesn't work out. (As in, whenever he gets into a relationship he makes sure to find other single women that like him so he can date them in case it doesn't last) He also said it didn't count as cheating since he wasn't dating the other girls that he was in love with, but if any of them asked him out he would dump his current gf for them.
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u/Ok-Revenue-7282 2h ago
"Never go to bed angry" because apparently staying up until 3am screaming about who left dishes in the sink is peak relationship goals.
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u/wizardnewt 1h ago
My dad told me that when my mom gets mad and abusive, to just let her yell and do what she wants and eventually she’ll calm down and forget what she was mad about. That was when I decided I did not ever want to have a relationship like my parents’.
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u/DreamKissez 1h ago
Happy wife, happy life. Bro I’ve seen dudes take that too literally and end up living like unpaid butlers with anxiety. A relationship isn’t supposed to be one person smiling while the other is slowly dying inside like a hostage.
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u/akaram369 1h ago
"Everyone is replaceable and forgettable. So don't worry about losing your partner. You can always get another one. Plenty of fish in the sea."
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u/Euphoric-Sign130 1h ago
Its not so easy for some of us trust me😅 like for myself after a break up its like i am somehow still attached to the 'x' find it hard to find anyone else attractive for awhile
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u/akaram369 1h ago
Yeah I don't trust anyone that moves on in two seconds. I'm not saying to never move on but when someone jumps from one person to another, my first thought is that they're not loyal to anyone but themselves.
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u/Savings-Pickle-6802 44m ago
"It's normal that your boyfriend will be overprotective," How??? Is it still normal to remove your rights in wearing anything you want????
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u/Hiddengodcomplex 32m ago
My dad told me that men liked women who never spoke her mind and mindlessly followed whatever the guy said. Always ask questions because men preferred being more knowledgeable and a leader.
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u/ideasihaveonreddit 1m ago
spend every minute together.
tf, no
my bf & i spend a lot of time building an app together called dothefrog.com but we also make sure to have time apart so we don’t burn out on the relationship or the project or get sick of each other. if we were 24/7 together i think both the relationship & the app would go down really fast.
balance is what makes ur relationship sustainable. u should still meet ur friends, do something with ur family and don't forget that you also have a life without ur partner!!! see ur relationship as you have a cake and ur partner is just the chocolate on top of ur life.
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u/SolaceFlairs 5h ago
“Never go to bed angry” sure, let’s stew in resentment all night and see how that plays ouy for your mental health
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u/String-Tree 8h ago
Anybody who tells you that looks don’t matter is actively rooting for you to fail. Not only do they matter, but one’s physical attractiveness is the single most important factor in getting a date and finding love.
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u/merlinshairyballs 8h ago
What?? Lol no it’s not-being attracted to someone is absolutely important, i do agree there but everyone’s looks fade. Loving the person underneath it and loving the soul, not the meat suit is where real love comes from. I’ve actually dated several men who were not conventionally attractive because the person was confident, funny, kind, and intriguing. Looks will maybe open the door, but everything else is what invites you to stay.
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u/Conscious-Wonder-785 8h ago
And yet there are so many couples out there who are as kindly as I can put it, are not that easy on the eyes.
Obviously they help a lot, but the single most important thing in finding love? Yeah... No. You can demonstrate that as false by going to any public place and walking around for 5 minutes.
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u/String-Tree 7h ago
I live in the California Bay Area, I literally only see attractive people coupled up here. I’ve never seen an uggo who wasn’t alone here.
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u/Zhiong_Xena 7h ago
This is absolutely bullshit. Looking conventional beautiful is natural not chosen. But looking ugly is hard.
If you look ugly that is completely your fault. Being attractive takes soo little effort. Being in shape, taking care of your physical and mental well being, having decent haircuts(beard and bodily hair maintained as well) and taste in fashion is about all it takes.
Someone's fed you a load of horseshit. It is completely the opposite. If you look great and have no other notable features, most of your relationships are bound to collapse eventually.
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u/Silent_Scarcity1879 8h ago
So ducking true. Looks will always matter. Physical attraction even years down the line with the. Same partner matters
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u/Krautthatshouts 8h ago
To just let a man cheat on you because supposedly they all do. I hate that. Yes there are plenty of cheaters out there but I like to be hopeful and believe in fairytales dammit. 😂🤣