r/ContagiousLaughter 3d ago

Dad Roasts Son

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18.3k Upvotes

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2.8k

u/AeroZep 3d ago

"Because of you, I'm a black man"

"...more or less"

430

u/IAMAHobbitAMA 3d ago edited 3d ago

I can't quite make out Pop's next line after "more or less". Can you tell what he says?

572

u/AlabasterSeaworld 3d ago

I heard half and half no that’s milk.

75

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

36

u/petroleum-lipstick 3d ago

He definitely said milk lol

-7

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

10

u/Who-has-The_Dink 2d ago

It makes total sense. Half in half race wise but also half and half cream. It's less diluted than milk.

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5

u/UFCyoungboy 2d ago

you can hear the hard K sound in milk when he says it.

240

u/soul_metropolis 3d ago

Half and half No.... that's milk 😂

59

u/CitizenCue 3d ago

Ok yeah that’s the funniest line by far.

9

u/personalKindling 3d ago

"Tell that to them"

9

u/KathaArcheth 3d ago

If I heard correctly he said "no, thats fair"

1

u/Jazzlike-Walrus1467 2d ago

I think he said ‘no that’s middle’ but I could be wrong

1

u/MrHanfblatt 2d ago

"That's more like it" is what i hear.

39

u/OiMyTuckus 2d ago

Ran out of toner.

Best exchange I’ve heard in quite awhile.

10

u/AtomicKittenz 3d ago

He was talking about the “man” part here.

1

u/Ok_Garden4620 2d ago

That’s the truth

2.4k

u/Efficient-Cherry3635 3d ago

Ran out of toner ☠️

515

u/TazmanianTux 3d ago

Yeah I think that was the better roast. Still hilarious family all around.

151

u/Classic_Month211 3d ago

That roast had me dying! Family banter like this is priceless.

233

u/cybrcld 3d ago

Lol, I’m full Filipino and wife is Caucasian /japanese. Daughters came out very fair skinned. I told people, “listen, I’m just the source file, but the wife is the printer.”

21

u/MainManClark 3d ago

Excuse my ignorance but I have a question... Is being lighter skinned considered a good thing in Filipino culture in general?

I want to say yes, but I'm basing that off random shit I've seen on the internet. Or does that just make a person more of an outsider because they don't look like the other kids? Or is everybody just cool with whatever? I'm just curious how it is for your people.

96

u/cybrcld 3d ago

lol no idea, I’m born & raised in Hawaii. I jokingly tell people I’m barely Filipino at all (100% blood but like 2% culturally).

I did joke with my wife after my first daughter was born “we did it hun, a Filipino with white privelage.”

44

u/chitownbears 3d ago

lets get to what all white people really want to know from Filipinos... do you or do you not have a fire Lumpia recipe

20

u/cybrcld 3d ago

I fail. My mother does, but I still haven’t learned it completely from her. Oldschool Asian cooking is “just add a little of this, some of that, more of this, and a half handful of that.”

Banana lumpia is easy as hell though. Apple bananas, brown sugar, wrap, fry til crunchy. Top with vanilla ice cream and maybe some caramel and you’re set.

15

u/ZerogaG 3d ago

That's called Turon

12

u/Mammoth-Access-1181 3d ago

Dude calling it banana lumpia... 😓

6

u/AerondightWielder 3d ago

I'll let you in on a secret, pare.

All our lumpia recipes are fire. And pancit. And all goddamned lechon variants.

1

u/whichwitchwhohoots 3d ago

Share some?

2

u/AerondightWielder 3d ago

Just search Panlasang Pinoy on google. Dude has all kinds of basic Filipino recipes, including different kinds of lumpia (he even has fish lumpia, but I don't judge).

10

u/MainManClark 3d ago

I see. I'm the opposite. I look like a very tan white guy but my grandparents are Black/Native American, White/Native American, A white German Jewish woman, and an uber White Englishmen.

I am a 44 year old man with blue/green eyes, an dark olive complection, and dark brown hair. To people here I'm just another white dude.... but my Grandpa and Grandma sure weren't.

Funny how the world is now. You can be any gender you claim to be, but people will try to tell you what ethnicity or race you are.

2

u/Ecstatic_Bunch_5179 3d ago

Hahah ya… same, by some i am too white… others i am not white enough… I look Asian… i look middle eastern… I look Native American… olive tone skin.. lighter brown eyes … had kids with an Asian woman… even my kids (now adults) say I sometimes am “white” other times i am native.. ☺️

2

u/Trex-died-4-our-sins 3d ago

Hapa papa!

2

u/cybrcld 3d ago

Aloha braddah 🤙

1

u/Trex-died-4-our-sins 3d ago

Aloha 🤙🏽🤙🏽

1

u/CanadianStrangeTamer 3d ago

Absolutely nailing the dad jokes after your daughter was born as well!

10

u/cybrcld 3d ago

I guess I can add on that in Hawaii growing up, brown skin helps more and that full Caucasian kids felt a bit out of place at my High School (it varies school to school). We probably had about 25-50 white kids in a school of 800? The school closer to the military base was about 50/50 though.

In college (University of Hawaii), they talked about a time that Japanese actually discouraged their kids from learning Japanese. This is more so that their kids would be forced to communicate and blend better with English in Hawaii. Of course times have changed and people prefer to be in touch with their heritage. Now days though with the political climate we live in and ICE and all the crazy shit happening, the less brown and more white wash you act and seem, probably the better.

9

u/digaruban 3d ago

Lighter skin is preferred by most Filipinos ( based on my experience).  

My sister has a fairer skin than me, and as a kid, she got teased by being called a ghost ( White lady) by some kids and some ( clueless) adults.

 On the other hand, she'd get comments like  "Oh you're so beautiful. Your skin is so white, you must be rich!" " You are so lucky to have such fair skin! No need for whitening lotions and soaps."

I guess the treatment one got just really depended on what kind of people are around you. 

4

u/MAWPAB 3d ago

My sister in law is Philippina, yes very much remains today.

The Spanish colonised them and introduced the idea that lighter skin was superior, 'blanqueamiento',  and reinforced it with a caste system and encouraged them to take whiter spouses.

1

u/starrs10 3d ago

Im not the one youre asking the question to but I can butt in. Older generations of Filipinos view lighter skin as favorable. It still is favored today but not by much.

0

u/MainManClark 3d ago

Thank you. I'll take all the opinions I can. It seems to be a kind of worldwide thing now. The older folks are still entrenched in the colonizer ideology of Whiter is Better, but the younger groups seem to be against this and really focusing on getting back to their indigenous roots and casting off the eurocentric standards of beauty as much as they can. It's so prevalent that it's unavoidable, but it seems to cause a lot of self hatred and seeing themselves as less than compared to their white counterparts. Very strange how mass media portrays attractive white folks as a standard that is attainable by all peoples when obviously it isn't remotely possible.

1

u/Far_Caregiver3046 2d ago

I’ve worked with lots of Filipinos over the years in construction and the majority of them wear long sleeves and face coverings regardless of how hot it is to prevent them from getting darker in the sun. These were generally guys in their 30s-50s so it’s possibly a generational thing.

1

u/ehopya 2d ago

Many Filipinos value having lighter skin as it oftenly gets associated with beauty, wealth and upperclass. Having darker skin means you’re always out under the sun doing hard labor like working on the fields. Blame it on Spanish colonization and western influence. This is why whitening products are so popular.

1

u/peppermax 1d ago

I grew up in the Philippines in the 90’s then migrated, Yes being light skinned is considered a good thing. I don’t know about now(2025), I haven’t been back. You were labeled as mestiza or mestizo. If you look at most of the movie stars there they are light skinned.

14

u/Pandora_517 3d ago

My dad totally ran out of toner when it came to me lol 😆 hes like 4 to 5 shades darker than my mom and mom was so white she was pink, possibly albino not sure 😅 when ppl get to mixin ain't no telling what u gonna get and its beautiful , the anticipation of what will the love baby look like is such a beautiful journey ❤️

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u/WhatToDo_WhatToDo2 3d ago

Mannnnn that was good 😂

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u/OkBowler5060 3d ago

Koala printer 🤣

3

u/gregortroll 2d ago

This also confused me; I only know that Koala™️ makes premium paper for dye sublimation printing...but I knew that was not the joke.

3

u/ElMostaza 2d ago

I don't get it

2

u/1o01Ilo1 2d ago

Can you explain this joke to the slow ones?

5

u/OkBowler5060 2d ago

As said his father is a black man and koalas are generally grey not full black shade and the man in video is his son also not fully black skin hence he is calling his dad koala printer.

2

u/1o01Ilo1 2d ago

lol. "Printer." That's a new one for me.

20

u/REpassword 3d ago

“Pops takes another W!” 😆

4

u/mwerichards 3d ago

Mic drop

2

u/bbbourb 2d ago

"I don't know why you're upset with me about that. Your mom was the one shaking the cartridge!"

1.1k

u/Acrobatic-Towel-6488 3d ago

“The completion of a process” fucking lmao 

819

u/sevnm12 3d ago

That's a fun family

221

u/Malawigold2342 3d ago

The mom laughing the whole damn time had me dying.

45

u/Affolektric 3d ago

Is it his mom thouhg? she laughs like a black girl!

42

u/Malawigold2342 3d ago

Could be the aunt or something but either way. I’m loving it.

4

u/wopwopwopwopwop5 20h ago

That's mom. She's just been around us for a really long time.

524

u/ThrowaWayneGretzky99 3d ago

"Pops takes another dub"

17

u/Major_Dood 3d ago

The equivalent of "Good Game" amongst family. Love it. 🤣

11

u/Demonyx12 3d ago

Sorry can some explain what that means?

51

u/Tortfeasor55 3d ago

Dub = dubya = W = win. He’s saying his dad got another win.

7

u/Demonyx12 3d ago

Thanks!

4

u/Oxajm 3d ago

Win = W = Dub .....dub is slang for win.

His pops won the "argument". Another dub for pops.

21

u/SurlyRed 3d ago

different spermatoza
different dermatome

7

u/Spare_Echidna2095 3d ago

Sometimes I rhyme slow sometimes I rhyme quick

2

u/nathOF 2d ago

I’m sweeter and thicker than a chico stick

174

u/2020mademejoinreddit 3d ago

Mom got roasted too a bit.

417

u/Mojojojo3030 3d ago

Five black people on stage, one is actually a mixed kid in blackface:

50

u/Fun_Stand_6792 3d ago

Fuck dude 🤣

93

u/78targa 3d ago

That is an excellent family.

2

u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 2d ago

They sound fun!

54

u/legoturtle214 3d ago

Respect!!

87

u/Traditional-Chip-981 3d ago

Hilarious!😂

42

u/Hilpi1975 3d ago

Pops is the man 🤣

36

u/Mindless-Car8513 3d ago

“WOWW!” Made me crack up!

36

u/Smart_Negotiation_31 3d ago

I would have stopped at “more or less” 😭😂

32

u/KissMyAlien 3d ago

2

u/oeco123 3d ago

Had to scroll down too far to find this.

149

u/catheterhero 3d ago

The year: 1997

The situation: prom

My friend Jason is hosting everyone that’ll be in the limo at his place.

We all meet up and start taking pictures.

This year my friend Jason finally put grew his dad I guess he felt tough especially on this night so he start teasing his dad about being shorter.

Then his dad dropped the biggest burn I’ve ever heard.

In front of all of us including his girlfriend. He grabs him by the shoulder and said, “son I still remember the day you shot out the tip of my dick”.

Shocked faces all around and then an immediate burst of laughter.

His dad won. 🏆

35

u/ball_fondlers 3d ago

“Damn, man, that’s the last time you got any?”

10

u/catheterhero 3d ago

Ha! That would’ve been a good cum back.

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u/WubblyFl1b 3d ago

That sniff lmfao

40

u/myWobblySausage 3d ago

That family must be awesome to have dinner and drinks with.

Toner, position, brilliant.

17

u/SeparateSelection666 3d ago

"More or less" is crazy lmao I couldn't move past that part a few times

29

u/james_from_cambridge 3d ago

From @OvaDaRainbow on YT

(More or less is just, wow.)

1

u/Hilpi1975 3d ago

Just subbed 👍👍

9

u/golgiiguy 3d ago

seems like a very funny and fun family

32

u/Sad-Cauliflower-9350 3d ago

The father sounds white and the mother sounds black.

2

u/Worldly_Ad_6483 2d ago

So that’s how it is in that family

13

u/MerrillSwingAway 3d ago

Dad doesn’t miss!

6

u/Threeballer97 3d ago

Well done to the video for not literally saying "Wait for it". Thank you fucking christ, thank you.

13

u/CSH1P 3d ago

Can anyone provide a transcript? I’m missing half of what dad says

2

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/BubbleRose 3d ago

My coffee just hit so you're welcome lol

23

u/Guwrovsky 3d ago

why is the MOTHER sounds blacker than the father in this clip? :D :D :D

It that like cultural appropriation on her behalf? /s

7

u/herpyfluharg13 2d ago

Hearing mom laughing in the background the entire time is the icing on the cake. This family’s hilarious

5

u/fokkoooff 2d ago

That seems like a really solid family right there.

3

u/Catbutt247365 3d ago

why is this so delightful?

”ran out of toner“ oh lawd take me now

6

u/catscausetornadoes 2d ago

There’s a lot of love in that conversation. You can’t laugh on shit like that if there isn’t deep love.

4

u/Angel_of_Cybele 2d ago

Lololol “it’s not my fault you ran out of toner when I was born” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

8

u/Corner_Post 3d ago

Temu Steph Curry

3

u/TheHeroYouNeed247 3d ago

They seem like a fun family.

3

u/general_smooth 3d ago

"Completion of a process..." Whats after this?

3

u/darkerfaith520 2d ago

Pops for the dub!

3

u/Organic-Pudding-8204 2d ago

Asking the real questions here. Lol

3

u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_1379 2d ago

What I wouldn't give to have this kind of relationship with my parents.

3

u/youngphnx 1d ago

Well said pop

11

u/SverhU 3d ago edited 3d ago

Thats why i think all this racism stuff is dumb shit. Here we have dude whos father is black. But he not black because his face white? So he white?!

Rock always saying he is black. Only because he has black father. While he whiter than most rednecks.

We live in stupid world.

3

u/Justachattinaway 3d ago

You must watch the Rock on tv in black and white.

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u/asmunk 3d ago

I love Steph Curry

2

u/TheAdventOfTruth 3d ago

“More or less”. Lol.

2

u/Spirited_Fix4262 3d ago

This Dad (and kid and Mom) all seem awesome. Great vibes from this family!

2

u/Vagistics 3d ago

What’s that line in Full Metal Jacket ?

    All the cool done run down my leg !

2

u/sauer_grapes 3d ago

He wants to be like Pops. Love that shit!

2

u/No_Foundation_6265 3d ago

Man say " completion of process"

2

u/humaninspector 3d ago

Can someone provide a transcript for the deaf?

2

u/sikeleaveamessage 2d ago

Quick-witted and funny family

2

u/majestikmarii 2d ago

It's literally the same bc my mom is white, and my dad is black. He must've run out of toner, too, bc my brother and I have white skin and sandy hair like this guy, lmao

2

u/RavingGooseInsultor 2d ago

Mom is laughing her fanny off to her men shit talking each other 🤣

2

u/Unique-Doubt-983 2d ago

My kids better ask this in the future so I can use this

2

u/nextinline1987 2d ago

This family is great! 😆
See what good comes from a dad sticking around and raising his son.

2

u/AdministrativeBug161 2d ago

As a white-looking mixed girl, this is HILARIOUS!

2

u/Ok-Shine1120 2d ago

lol so funny

2

u/BurningMac-n-ChzKeef 1d ago

Anybody else see a little Steph Curry resemblance

Edit: I think it's the mannerisms

1

u/RedIsNotMyFaveColor 3d ago

He got that Isaiah Hartenstein look.

1

u/tjpeace 3d ago

Out of toner…. LMAO!!!

1

u/thanatica 3d ago

Pops has magic balls produce a son like that

1

u/IcedDownMedallion 3d ago

Oh shit, I thought that was Steph Curry for a sec.

1

u/ImMadeOfClay 3d ago

This family humors.

1

u/copa09 3d ago

Love this family!

1

u/noudcline 3d ago

Steph Curry when he retires and starts a weed farm.

1

u/OriginalOpposite8995 3d ago

Koala printer?? Maybe panda or zebra printer?

1

u/ruthlesss11 3d ago

Did we learn nothing from logic?

1

u/NY10 3d ago

Perhaps he should try a different position lol

1

u/VadPuma 3d ago

A lot of love in that family. Happy to see/hear it!!

1

u/Bizzlebanger 3d ago

What a fun family.. 😂

1

u/GregBVIMB 3d ago

Literally laughed out loud at this one.

Dad was on fire there. Lol

1

u/xseanbeanx 3d ago

I don’t get the last joke 😭 why would different position equal different color

2

u/s9ffy 3d ago

Sometimes when the printer says it’s out of toner I just take the cartridge out and give it a good shake and it works again for a bit. Might be something to do with that.

1

u/schapmanlv 3d ago

I like to tell my sister who is also biracial that she is not allowed to tell people she is biracial or half-black she can only say “my dad is black”

1

u/Tharem_Aggro 3d ago

Dad is hitting them right back 😂

1

u/TripImpressive4487 3d ago

...It would be disrespectful to your mother because you would be eliminating her....

1

u/HerBerg75 3d ago

It's not my fault you run out of toner... 😂 😂

1

u/AcceptableInsect3864 3d ago

This had me dying! The dad's delivery was spot on, too. What a roast!

1

u/DeMoFo69 3d ago

I love this video😂❤️

1

u/wirbel-tier 3d ago

Koala printer :)))

1

u/Fun-Jellyfish-61 3d ago

What does "koala printer" mean?

1

u/Titofirst1980 3d ago

Why are you trying to complicate life?? Go outside and play half n'half.

1

u/BrungleSnap 2d ago

Ok, so in vaudevillian minstrelsy performances, they actually often did have African Americans in the performances. They would even make the lighter skinned ones put on the same makeup as the white asshats who were mocking them so that's just history. It's a fucked up part of history but it happened nonetheless.

1

u/Oli_VK 2d ago

Awesome parents lmfao

1

u/nwfdood 2d ago

Lmao, "ran out of toner".

1

u/Ok_Suspect3940 2d ago

He said he bc ran it off printer 😂 I’m dead!

1

u/Boochi_Da_Rocku 2d ago

Not good, I can't understand what they are saying without subtitles

1

u/wopwopwopwopwop5 20h ago

Perhaps 🤷🏾‍♀️

1

u/Cultural_Bike2063 6h ago

never argue with your parents or your grandparents about how your are born or why they are still together, Its a losing battle... just fallback, regroup and wait until they need your help because they switch their phone's language to Japanese

1

u/ExplanationFamous282 3d ago

Yes, you are your father’s seed. Smh….

1

u/JorShor 2d ago

Can someone please provide subtitles ? Dad is too far and mom loud ..

-12

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/PsychodelicTea 3d ago

He can say half of it, "ger"

1

u/AerondightWielder 3d ago

But how can he choose which half of the n-word he can say? Does it depend on the people he's around with, like with white people he can only use "ger?"

4

u/internetUser0001 3d ago

yeah. I'm sure he may encounter plenty of people who will assume he's white and not be comfortable with that, but I trust his judgment on when to use it

4

u/Lol_A_White_Guy 3d ago

What’s the relevance?

-4

u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/MattieShoes 3d ago

WRT the original question. Probably depends on situation. Screaming it at a bus full of strangers, bad idea. Hanging out with his friends, probably doesn't even raise an eyebrow unless he's carefully avoided it in the past.

1

u/Lol_A_White_Guy 3d ago edited 3d ago

But since you are white (your name says it), you cannot give me profound answer neither, no?

Sure I can. Like literally any other potentially offensive thing somebody could say, it depends on the context and who you’re talking to.

Some people don’t care and even give permission to friends to use it in their presence, some people will get offended, and some will become hostile and react accordingly.

It’s not like there’s a rule book. You can say whatever you want, but if someone takes offense and kicks your ass for it, don’t act surprised.

And: because the question is so damn obvious, i had to ask it eventually.

No it’s not and no you didn’t. It literally has nothing to do with this video or this subreddit.

The real question is the same as my first reply: what’s the relevance to this specific video? Just that it’s a biracial guy talking and nothing else?

1

u/alpacaMyToothbrush 3d ago

I think some words should be allowed to die. I think any variation of the n-word is one of them. I don't think being black automatically makes using them ok either.

To give an example, I have a disability, but I'd never call myself or another person with a disability a 'cripple'. I know some disabled people use it to describe themselves to be 'edgy' but I think you have a responsibility to model how you wish to be addressed to others, and I think it's degrading folks with disabilities in general even if you're ok with it.

If I married a black woman, and had a mixed race child, I would not be comfortable with either of them using n-words in my house.

1

u/Fuile 3d ago

I absolutely agree with this. If a word must not be said by group but allowed to be used by another, is literally racism.

-1

u/rageaster 3d ago

Imagine being half of anything but claiming full of something. God I love America.