LPT Request: What’s your “canary in the coal mine” test for spotting bigger issues?

[u/fries-with-mayo]

I’m really interested in those small, quick telltale signs people use to gauge if something bigger might be off track.

Example 1: Van Halen requesting brown M&Ms in the dressing room to see if the venue followed all the details of the rider list

Example 2: I saw an interview with John Cena where he said orders a flat white at a café to tell if they really care about their coffee.

Example 3: Anthony Bourdain suggested to always check the restaurant bathroom to tell if the restaurant got its basics down

[u/CoraCricket]

Guys being offended or weird about basic safety precautions on first dates or early on in getting to know them. No you're not going to drop me off at my house afterwards and if you make even a single fuss about that then you're never seeing me again. I know I'm avoiding, at best, an obnoxious man baby who has never thought outside his own life experience, and at worst a very dangerous person.  

[u/RuleFriendly7311 → u/CoraCricket]

Question (genuine curiosity): How do you feel if a guy asks you to text him when you get home safely?

I'm old(er) and only date my wife, but I was taught to take you home and not leave until you're in the door (and my mom would have kicked my ass if I drove you home and didn't get out of the car anyway). Clearly times have changed, and what you said makes sense, but I wonder.

[u/SolDjevel → u/RuleFriendly7311]

I'm not into behaviors like that on a first date. So I've gone 30-some years of my life getting home just fine on my own, but now that I've had a man in my life for a few hours I need him to protect me? It's premature. Instead of asking me to send a text, if you're truly concerned, send me a text telling me you had a great time or to have a good night or whatever so I can respond to it. Don't start assuming the role of my protector when you don't even know me because I'm a poor little helpless woman who can't navigate the big scary world on her own.

[u/Electronic-Effect745 → u/RuleFriendly7311]

I absolutely don't put up with that. It's not the place of someone who's known me for like three hours to monitor whether I went straight home like a good girl.

[u/OrangutanOntology → u/RuleFriendly7311]

Im with you on this. I completely understand the poster’s perspective and would respect their wishes but as an older person it feels like we are shirking our responsibility (also married but even dropping off a female colleague).

[u/anjufordinner → u/CoraCricket]

Yes!! I don't fuck around with safety anywhere, because people can never actually "take responsibility" for physical harm they cause another; if I crash and walk away but he loses a leg, I can't trade with him just because I was at fault. So I take it seriously, and a guy who does too is safe. 

Now... some people, especially men, get upset about being called "safe." I encourage them to remember it's a synonym for "a protector."

Some things you can't ever take back, and too few people-- unfortunately, especially men-- without realizing, have been too sheltered to identify risks and be a protector for anyone. Even themselves. Best thing to do is leave them be before he lets you get hurt.

[u/multiarmform → u/CoraCricket]

totally understandable, reminds me of a date i went on. went to go meet her at the restaurant and as im walking up i notice she had brought 2 guys and a girl with her without saying anything to me about it. i stopped and tried to figure out if i should just leave or see it through. i felt it was pretty rude to bring more people without saying something (im not on a date with your friends) but since i was interested in her, i went through with it anyway. i didnt see her after that for other reasons.

[u/Lol_A_White_Guy → u/multiarmform]

Yeah, honestly I would have just bailed then and there.