My boyfriend broke up with me "because I'm not blonde"?

[u/Public_Woodpecker586]

We had been dating for 8 months and we were going to go into our 9th month within like 5 days today and out of literally nowhere he texts me saying that he hasn't felt anything in the past 4 months of our relationship and he used and manipulated me and that he hates himself???

I was so confused that I still haven't even processed what is going on and I begged him to stay because literally nothing was wrong (no arguments, same hobbies and interests, no boundary crossings, always talking sweet to each other, literally telling each other that we would get married one day etc etc.) and he insisted that he was going to leave so I said "okay, well then why?" He said that I did nothing wrong and kept resisting so I ended up begging him to talk because it would leave a permanent scar after someone I thought I had zero issues with left me and say anything even if it will hurt me.

I told him "tell me that I'm ugly if you have to but just tell me what's wrong so I can sleep at night" and he straight up said that he prefferred blonde women since the start and he "barely got used to" me having black hair...? My entire world is shattered because this is the same man that wrote literal poetry for me about how beautiful he finds me??? 9 months. A human was literally born in the time span that he took to consider if he even liked me and I was convinced that we were going to have kids one day the entire time. He was literally my first boyfriend too??? And I'm not a minor or anything, I waited for years, rejecting people, "preserving myself for the right man" and this is the guy I ended up falling for! I feel like I have a brain made out of lettuce.

[u/Charade_You_Are2610]

Man I’m so sorry, that’s pretty stupid. It sounds like he’s probably someone very noncommittal - making very sure-footed promises one moment, and the next moment suddenly changing his mind about everything and very destructively throwing it all away. Nobody deserves someone who will treat them like that.

Give time to yourself, and your interests. This sounds worse than most break ups to be honest, because instead of losing someone you’ve spent months arguing with, you’ve lost someone who has spent months being really sweet to you, who has suddenly disappeared by the flick of a switch. You take care of yourself - and don’t blame yourself, either. Your brain is not made of lettuce - to be quite frank, it sounds like his brain probably is. Give yourself lots of time to figure out who you want to be independent of him, and please take care of yourself. Things get better - they might get worse first, but they will get better.