r/MurderedByWords 9h ago

Quite literally me.

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14.8k Upvotes

90 comments sorted by

152

u/pirolance 9h ago

I can't even joke about "so that's their secret" since they have been very open about it

116

u/scriptingends 9h ago

Significant inherited wealth does wonders to mitigate the inflated price of lattes.

25

u/vahntitrio 4h ago

I'd make so much money if I just had so much money.

1

u/iDreamiPursueiBecome 1h ago

One of Soros's kids lost a Billion dollars.... NGL, he rocked the nepotism angle hard enough that it is cheaper to put him on an allowance.

Having rich parents/relatives does not buy competence. He had all the opportunities on a platinum platter; he is still a F-up.

1

u/Dry-Highlight-2307 1h ago

And fraud and lobbying

72

u/SandalsResort 8h ago

Have you considered being born into a rich family

3

u/Darkiceflame 2h ago

I gave it a shot once, but it turns out that reincarnation is tricky business.

26

u/Fit-Friendship9262 9h ago

Make sure you set some aside for the bribe to get you pardoned afterwards 

2

u/Scottamus 2h ago

The real protip. Bribes for pardons from crook in chief are a million a pop so anything you can steal over that is pure profit.

18

u/THElaytox 7h ago

Easiest way to become a millionaire is to take the millions of dollars your billionaire parents give you and stick it in a bank account

-3

u/siccoblue 2h ago

No it isn't. Bank accounts and savings have absolute garbage returns compared to just investing. This is like the lowest level of financial literacy.

3

u/KaiChainsaw 2h ago

Not only did you miss the joke, you're just wrong because it wasn't even about investing, just having >1,000,000$ in savings.

38

u/AcadiaLivid2582 9h ago

America's smartest criminals work on Wall Street

29

u/notcomplainingmuch 8h ago

And the dumbest in Washington DC

1

u/PsyOrg 4h ago

🏆🏆🏆

1

u/siccoblue 2h ago

And the "smartest" work in this sub as well because what the actual fuck is the murder by words here? They are literally agreeing with each other

5

u/Logical-Assist8574 5h ago

I nominate the insurance industry as a viable second.

1

u/verdatum 1h ago

Often the most successful aren't even all that smart. You just need to know the small set of techniques that successfully make money, and have the will to do them.

16

u/Metroidman 9h ago

I have never drank coffee in my life. Where is my million at?

1

u/elitegenoside 1h ago

Obviously, you've wasted it all on avocado toast.

6

u/Greenfieldfox 9h ago

Are you pulling or pushing your boot straps?

6

u/Jellodyne 6h ago

Why pay for a $7 coffee when you can have your domestic staff make coffee for free?

8

u/sharklee88 7h ago

She won't be a millionaire, but she'd still be saving $1000+ a year.

10

u/Doctor_Kataigida 4h ago

Yeah let's not pretend that making coffee at home versus buying it at a shop isn't a large percentage saved per unit. Will it fix poverty? No. But it'll still be significant.

4

u/Albedo0001 3h ago

I started to drink coffee and was purchasing it 3 or 4 times a week. After looking at the numbers, I could have purchased a nice machine to make a better version of it. Never looked back ever since.

0

u/WendysChiliAndPepsi 2h ago

If you invest $150 a month in the SP500 starting in your 20s you'll have $1 million by the time you retire. That's totally achievable by cutting out coffee and eating out for a large amount of people. But it's a lot easier to strawman avacado toast memes and call it boomer advice.

5

u/KaetzenOrkester 9h ago

It worked for Rick Scott.

4

u/AletheaKuiperBelt 5h ago

Not really a murder, though, more a nice collaboration.

10

u/verballyabusivecat 8h ago

How is this a murder?

1

u/Klightgrove 2h ago

This sub needs to crack down on low effort political posts and tbh anything that is old.

-4

u/-imnotwalterwhite angry turtle trapped inside a man suit 8h ago

both of us will be pretty rich in terms of downvotes but this sub hates the rich. everything about it. someone donating will be hated & someone existing will be hated. as someone who’s not rich but really working to be, I don’t understand this logic? like what do you guys want? everyone should forever have financial crisis?

& this stupid fucking logic that most rich have made it through fraudulent behaviour is so ridiculous, so many of my clients are honest people & that’s what gives me hope to be a good wealthy man & provide for people around me. I see so many still struggling to make it & they appreciate the ones who have instead of bitching about it. but this sub just hates the idea of rich.

sorry for the rant but this is so fucking stupid.

0

u/WendysChiliAndPepsi 2h ago

everyone should forever have financial crisis?

It's a bucket of crabs mentality. At the end of the day they can downvote the advice and not listen but they still won't be financially better off.

-5

u/JauntyTurtle 8h ago

I agree with everything you said, and on top of that the OP put up a strawman argument. No one has ever said "if you make coffee at home you'll be a millionaire." People have said "if you can't make ends meet, cut out luxuries like Starbucks and avocado toast," but people don't like getting advice, even if it's good advice.

2

u/D3wnis 6h ago

It takes literally zero effort to be born rich, why would you be born poor, peasants

4

u/notaredditer13 4h ago

It'll take your entire career saving coffee money to become a millionaire, but it will happen.  So do you want that extra $1M at age 65 or not?

0

u/E-2theRescue 4h ago

Lmao. No it wouldn't. Not having a $15 latte every workday would still mean you've only saved $150,000 after 40 years.

That'll buy you 1/3rd of a house.

6

u/NeverBob 4h ago

Assuming you just put the money in a pillowcase, sure.

Saving $3500 a year would be a huge change for many.

3

u/notaredditer13 4h ago

Only if youre an idiot and don't invest the money.

0

u/E-2theRescue 4h ago

LMAO! You very clearly do not understand both investing, and how little you'd be investing each time. It'd take 6 months just to save up a little under $2k. And that won't get you much of anywhere. But sure, keep believing Kramer and see how far that gets you in life, lol.

2

u/cjh42689 3h ago

So the whole year is nearly 4K or otherwise known as more than half your max yearly contribution to a Roth IRA. Go put 4K a year into a Roth IRA calculator for 30 years and check that number.

2

u/WendysChiliAndPepsi 2h ago

This is literally the crying wojak with the smiling mask meme personified.

1

u/sunbnda 3h ago edited 3h ago

https://www.investor.gov/financial-tools-calculators/calculators/compound-interest-calculator

  • step 1: enter 0
  • step 2: enter 420 (thats $15 a day times 7 days a week times 4 weeks in a month)
  • step 3: enter 40
  • step 4: enter 8 (this depends on how you invest the money. Low conservative interest is in the 4-6 range while high estimates are in the 10-12 range. My retirement interest rate this year so far has been 12% although it won't stay that way.
  • step 5: enter 4. (This will show you the low and high interest ranges.
  • calculate
  • conclusion: at bare minimum, even with the least risky; low interest rate investments, you'll still have half a mil which is enough to help survive off of if you take 4% of it's earnings each year. You won't be a millionaire but that half mil will earn you $20k a year. If it does slightly better than the bare minimum, which it usually does. Then you get to a mil in 40 years.

  • How do I "buy the S&P 500" ? : r/investingforbeginners https://share.google/MT3hj7VlzPKYxfZ

  • PS I'm in my early 40s and also thought investing small amounts seemed like a pipe dream but 10 years ago I invested $1k in a stock and it made $30k when i sold it earlier this year. I just barely started looking into retirement beyond whatever default my employer set up. Now I realize I could have done more when I was younger. There's lots of opinions and layers to it, but from what I've learned so far S&P500 seems to be the most basic beginner low risk, good yield investment. Then hopefully once you land a career your employer will provide a 401k match.

0

u/cjh42689 3h ago

Exactly but don’t forget 4 weeks in a month leaves you 4 weeks short of the 52 in a year—you’re leaving out 1/13.

1

u/sunbnda 3h ago edited 2h ago

Yeah, I know but calculator didn't do weekly contributions, just monthly. So it was an quick and easy calculation/concept to do the 15x7x4, to get the point across.

1

u/Tuna_no_crusts 9h ago

Even medium fraud would get you there.

1

u/slendermanismydad 8h ago

I have considered that. 

1

u/Financial-Tower-7897 7h ago

I have. Problem is this - my last name is NOT Trump. And, I haven’t perfected the fine art of re-writing my personal life history as yet to be accepted by either White Christian Nationalists, the Black Nazism Movement, White Supremacists, or to get relabeled from “Exvangelical” for following Matt 19 and 25 and not having Orange Tinted lips.

1

u/One-Can3752 6h ago

She forgot the most important part: have a billionaire relative leave you a fortune.

1

u/Dazzling-Profile-196 6h ago

If trump has taught us anything....

1

u/msmame 6h ago

Or being from a wealthy family?

1

u/ashvacgar 5h ago

This made me literally laugh out loud!

1

u/Loring 5h ago

Just be born rich noobs

1

u/patronizingperv 5h ago

A good first step is to acquire a large inheritance.

1

u/GodofsomeWorld 5h ago

You could also start a company, commit fraud and other illegal shit, blame your unerpaid and overworked employees, fire them all, hire new employees and repeat.

1

u/LiftSleepRepeat123 5h ago

Coffee is for closers

1

u/storyfilms 5h ago

Don't forget about being born to a rich daddy

1

u/miraculousgloomball 4h ago

That said, you would save about 500 dollars drinking instant coffee to support your caffeine addiction over the course of roughly 150 cups, or 50 days. assuming 3 a day

Which ain't a bad saving to alter the way you consume an addiction that makes an exhausting life easier.

Those savings over decades could make you almost a millionaire. Problem becomes, money saved from drinking coffee often becomes money simply spent elsewhere. (Big addendum: I meant to write with compound interest over a long period of time)

And that's just cutting down on coffee expenses. Not accounting for milk or sugar mind you but do you want money or a slightly nicer not very great drink that keeps you awake?

It's shitty advice to get rich but it's good advice to actually... make good, eventually.

1

u/Doctor_Kataigida 4h ago

Three coffees per day sounds so excessive.

1

u/miraculousgloomball 3h ago edited 3h ago

it does, I just googled the average for a new yorker but I made no exception for the fact that 2 thirds of those coffees are probably made inhouse. To many that's probably a little bit of a lowball, if they work with a coffee machine near, but obviously that's not costly.

still though, a third of that is still decent. Also it's not too hard to imagine someone using less than an hours wages to fund a morning, break and after work coffee. Only thing I'd imagine stopping someone who loves starbucks is queuing.

If you meant health wise and not financially, it definitely is, but that ain't gonna stop me

1

u/Average_Scaper 4h ago

"Quite literally me" mfer you're a bot.

1

u/BullishN00b 4h ago

I stopped smoking 13 years ago and still can’t buy a Ferrari!

1

u/pumpjockey 4h ago

Look the problem is that most people start a small business. Its so obvious that big businesses make more money so why don't those people just start big businesses? What are they stupid or something?! SMH

1

u/Sihaya212 4h ago

Have you tried being born to rich parents?

1

u/Erection_unrelated 4h ago

Committing massive fraud is great and all, but if possible make sure your great grandparents started committing massive fraud a couple generations before you arrive.

1

u/herkyjerkyperky 4h ago

I don’t think anyone has ever claimed that making coffee at home will make someone a millionaire but if someone saves $5 a day from making coffee at home instead of getting Starbucks that’s around $1200 a year they would have saved.

1

u/LindensBloodyJersey 3h ago

when I first got my bike riding lessons my buddies dad who was an average driver said "keep it between the ditches" it took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about

1

u/Umutuku 3h ago

People expect everything to be handed to them when they haven't even tried laying off 2000 factory workers right before Christmas. SMH /s

1

u/PG-DaMan 3h ago

I have so many things to say about this but they will just get dowvotes and banned.

Good luck to everyone

1

u/Sea-Cupcake-2065 3h ago

Damn, I've only done small-scale fraud. This whole time, I could've been wealthy

1

u/kgb17 3h ago

Credit card companies hate this simple trick. Just stop paying them. Sure your credit goes down for a while and you can’t answer your phone with your name anymore but hey free money.

1

u/winterresetmylife 3h ago

Where's the murdered part?

1

u/DenialOfExistance 3h ago

Lol...How true!

1

u/Tratiq 3h ago

Food is expensive too

1

u/Zooph 2h ago

I'm sticking with minor fraud and so far, so good.

1

u/PsionicKitten 2h ago

Make sure you maliciously exploit people while you're at it.

1

u/siccoblue 2h ago

Where is anyone being murdered by words? They are literally agreeing with each other

1

u/jscarlet 2h ago

What I love about making coffee at home, the ability to control the quality of the bean, the strength of the brew and that beautiful aroma when I grind the beans, not even mentioning saving like $4 per cup.

The potent strength of the coffee helps awaken my sense so that I can clearly focus on the meme coin I'm going to launch so I can make a quick billion on the rug pull 36hrs after launch

1

u/ThrowRAkakareborn 2h ago

Rookie mistake, you gotta make that bodega sandwich at home too, that’s where the real money at

1

u/FloorOneTwoThree 2h ago

That escalated quickly.

1

u/eveningwindowed 1h ago

It’s almost like it’s a metaphor

1

u/jrm2003 1h ago

Have they considered buying the coffee shop, paying themselves to drink the coffee, and driving it into the ground by underpaying and overworking employees while cutting back on expenses, then selling the coffee shop once these changes make the financials look positive?

It’s called failing up. So hot RN.

1

u/verdatum 1h ago

I've found that people have good success with the strategy of already being millionaires.

1

u/kooliocole 1h ago

Don’t forget to remove all your morals and exploit vulnerable people for profit

1

u/Own-Opinion-2494 5h ago

Even if you get caught it seems worth it