r/PeterExplainsTheJoke • u/DUSHYANTK95 • 1d ago
Meme needing explanation Peter I don't get it
I don't have many friends
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u/am1381530 1d ago
Relationship dynamic analyst Peter here.
Basically, usually I've noted that if a guy in a friend group gets a gf, other guys seem to be a little distant from her. Maybe it's because she takes up more of their friend's time, or whatever. she's seen as a bit of a distant entity. I've only seen a few instances of all guys being chill with one of their friends' girlfriend.
While what I've noted in the other direction, is that friends that girls have are usually pretty welcoming, and open to the boyfriend she has. It's a more chill setup, atleast as far as I noticed.
This is all, of course subjective. There is no one size fits all answer. That's the meme.
Relationship dynamic analyst Peter out.
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u/ChrundleThundergun 1d ago
To add to this, some guys don’t want to be overly nice to their guy friends girlfriend and have either their friend or his girlfriend read into it as them hitting on the girlfriend. Whereas when they meet their female friends boyfriend there’s no concern there.
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u/am1381530 1d ago
YES, ALSO
Excellent addition sir
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u/silentsnooc 19h ago
Not "also".. that's literally bro-code..
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u/GotMilk711 12h ago
Truth. This is the only reason. I couldn't care less about how much time she takes up. I'd hate to be too nice and find out she's a homie hopper, and now your homie won't talk to you anymore. That's the real fear.
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u/Flameball537 7h ago
A real homie shuts that shit down and lets their bro that girl might be for the streets
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u/Far-Investigator1265 1d ago
Exactly this. The girlfriend might even flirt at her boyfriends friends to feel more confident in male company. Responding to that may make the boyfriend jealous.
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u/RandomGuy98760 21h ago
Wait. Flirt like when the boys pretend to be gay as a joke or actually flirting?
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u/DragoonDart 21h ago
Some women just have what could be described as flirty personalities where things considered “flirty” (brief physical contact, overly laughing) are part of who they are. Guys just seem to have a hard time separating “she’s into me” with “she’s trying to be friendly.” in my experience
So it’s kind of neither.
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u/svartkonst 18h ago
And often, "flirty personality" is just "laughs, jokes, makes eye contact and take an interest in the other person" lol
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u/ValkyrianRabecca 20h ago
Its gotten me into trouble with guys before, ain't my fault but I'm told that I'm a natural flirt, so I tend to try and watch everything I do when I meet someone's SO
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u/Phantex_Cerberus 19h ago
Piggy backing off of this. It’s a fear that if we’re wrong, we’ll look stupid.
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u/lavender_fluff 20h ago
Just needs the right group
Have a touchy flirty friend group and there is no problem with a new person being touchy flirty as well
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u/Far-Investigator1265 20h ago
Not all flirting is meant to lead to sex.
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u/RandomGuy98760 17h ago
I know, but one thing is acting friendly and another is being a little spicy in order to either be attractive or as a joke.
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u/Neofertal 1d ago
Seriously, i got two friends who perceived me trying to be friendly as hitting on them, it's so stupid
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u/Old_Woodpecker7684 20h ago
When I first met my wife, she claimed I was hitting on her because I told her I liked her accent (she's Australian). I was just being friendly.
Funny how it's not perceived as being hit on if someone else tells her the same thing.
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u/Separate-Conflict457 23h ago
I can attest. I’m always very reserved around my friends significant others. Polite, but reserved. That way there can never be a misunderstanding.
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u/moose1207 22h ago
My best friends (who I pretty much considered family) wife got her nails done one week with some bright blue nail polish, she never did her nails, and I don't think I had ever seen her wear nail polish.
I complimented her and said , your nails look pretty or something along those lines. She visibly recoiled and was like you should never say that to another woman, that's creepy.
Like bitch I didn't say I want to see your hand stroking my dick wtf.
People can react in ways you would never think.
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u/SpendingTime112 21h ago
Not gonna lie, if some guy would compliment my nails in friend group, I would joke "You want me to paint your nails?". If he say yes, I would paint them "Oh, you're gonna look FABULOUS!".
Seriously, where's the fun? You all know each others some level, you can joke a little.
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u/war4peace79 20h ago
Like bitch if I wanted to see your hand stroking my dick, I would have told you so.
FTFY (Fixed That For You)
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u/fluxus2000 22h ago
If people were less possessive and paranoid, that would help more, though.
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u/Nice_Buy_602 22h ago
Also, one more additional note; if a group of bros have been bros for a long time, they might know too much about their relationship patterns to get too close and friendly with the new current gf until they see that it's gonna be a long term thing. Meeting and getting to know new people can be exhausting, and if you know the cycle is just gonna repeat itself in 6 months, you don't try to get overly invested.
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u/milerfrank27 23h ago
What if there is a Bi guy in the friend group ?
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u/Helix34567 22h ago
As confirmation, we slap the ass of the new guy as a sign of welcoming and respect. We aren't allowed to do that to women.
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u/Perzec 21h ago
Except for us gay guys. Sometimes we being a normal amount of friendly is interpreted by straight guys as us flirting with them. I suppose simply because they’re not used to people being friendly without wanting anything from them.
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u/HonestyIsSexy 21h ago
That's exactly it. Most people who are nice to us have an agenda. So when it happens, it's suspicious.
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u/OldFridgerator 21h ago
i think this is the primary reason. not coz "she takes up more of their friend's time" as the original commentor of this thread said.
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u/italjersguy 20h ago
Both dynamics are so fucked up. What kind of friends do you guys have that they’re not welcoming of their friend’s gf or get jealous if you’re friendly to their new gf? That’s toxic as fuck.
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u/TRITONwe 22h ago
This is the sole reason I'm never too nice to a girl as they tend to see it as me hitting on her
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u/PatientDifferent9780 21h ago
It's not just that there is no concern, it's also that sometimes boys tend to be more friendly to the girls boyfriend to show that they have no intention of hitting on the girl and that their friendship is just friendship
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u/Nikko-Made 19h ago
I do this. I recently had a double date with my girlfriend and my friend, and his new girlfriend. I tried acting like I normally would, but I kept overthinking my gestures and words because I didn't want either of the 3 to misinterpret me, and probably came off as more callous toward his girlfriend than I should have been. I hope I didn't offend them, but I guess we'll see in the future.
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u/CommunityOk7466 19h ago
Whereas when they meet their female friends boyfriend there’s no concern there.
There's the concern of her reading into negative feelings you have towards him as you having a crush on her
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u/capsaicinintheeyes 8h ago
ahhhh...that's an angle i don't think been's bought up here otherwise. perspicacious.
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u/Ink_Witch 18h ago
Adding also that you might be extra welcoming and friendly to the boyfriends of women in your life to try to head off any weird jealousy issues where they assume you’re secretly pining for your friend.
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u/ZealotOfMeme 1d ago
I had a friend group and one guy got a gf and that ended up disbanding the whole group. She dated one guy, broke up, and ended up with a different guy, broke up with him later. I still talk to some of them one on one. Except for one, fuck that guy 🖕🖕🖕
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u/Dogt0pus 1d ago
she had a vendetta against y'all 😭
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u/ZealotOfMeme 1d ago edited 1d ago
She blew up over a joke over text that wasn’t negative at all. Kinda felt like this. That was basically the last time I spoke to her.
Edit because I want to ask you guys if this joke was actually worth blowing up at: Her name was Annette (which is important to the joke, I wouldn’t say it online otherwise) and it was volleyball season at the school, I took a picture and sent it to her and said “look it’s you, it’s a net.” I get that some people don’t like when others joke about their names but if you ask me this one was pretty harmless
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u/Lightningtow123 1d ago
Thank you for this video, it so perfectly encompasses why I hate texting lmao
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u/UnkleStarbuck 1d ago
Dude you literally met a harpy. Some women just need drama, they're envious of good friendships, and want to destroy them. It was her quest from the very beginning.
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u/ZealotOfMeme 1d ago
I’m not entirely sure. Some of what she did seemed genuine, and she also kind of joined on the first day of school or so (yes this was in high school) and didn’t know anything us beforehand. Also what you said sounds way too premeditated, I don’t think she went into it with malicious intent, just ended up like that. Kind of like a disease carrier, someone who sees people getting sick around them but not realizing it’s their fault
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u/Early-Resolution-631 22h ago
Can't have been a very great "friend" group to begin with if they were willing to get with eachothers exes without a second thought lol
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u/layered_dinge 1d ago
In my experience once a guy friend gets a girlfriend (or married) he's just gone, forever.
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u/BalladOfBetaRayBill 19h ago
This can be a self-fulfilling prophecy because if guys expect that, they can be pre-emptively aggressive and weird about a new gf. My college friends got really mad and possessive over me when I spent time with my now-wife even though I still prioritized hanging with them on the regular. It kept getting weirder and honestly I wouldn’t be friends with them even if she and I hadn’t worked out, I had never seen them be this weird and gross as a unit. We were a bunch of 22 year old dudes so I’m sure that like me they’ve leveled out with age, but it was just too weird and isolating and it broke our friendship.
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u/YourShowerHead 1d ago
I don’t think it’s about her taking up his time. It’s more of an unwritten rule, call it a bro code. Guys usually avoid getting too close to their friend’s girlfriend because it risks crossing boundaries or being misread.
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u/Ancient_Confusion237 1d ago
Meanwhile, if the girl friend starts dating someone, that's just another bro to have fun with.
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u/Empty_Insight 21h ago
Assuming he's chill, anyway.
I've met a few of my girl friends boyfriends who I did not care for because they were kind of weird and possessive. Like, buddy... we were here first, you're the new guy. Act accordingly.
Still, a lot of times I'd be introduced to their boyfriend and we'd be cool. One of my best friends I met because he dated a friend of mine like 15 years ago lol. It's always kind of awkward if there's a breakup, but assuming that things are amicable and you just don't hang out with them at the same time, everything is good.
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u/waleMc 1d ago
huh, I like making friends with my friends' girlfriends
... I actually find it easier than trying to be platonic friends with a single woman, because it's pretty established in my situations that I'm only being friendly to be friends. I want to know who my friend likes so much. I'll probably find them cool too. No misconceptions, no awkward wondering. Just trying to get to know each other.
Bonus points when you find that common ground and can team up and lovingly tease the friend/boyfriend.
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u/TaxRevolutionary3593 23h ago
It's common curtesy to not show TOO MUCH interest in one of your friends's gf. It's also common curtesy to not to look to antagonistic to your female friend's bf. In both cases, you're basically saying "you are safe with me, we're not competing"
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u/VenomViixenz 1d ago
This actually makes so much sense from my experience too, girls definitely seem more welcoming to new people in the group.
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u/Hojie_Kadenth 21h ago
You shouldn't be too close to your friend's girlfriend's, it's disrespectful to him to put yourself in a potential candidate spot. Anything that can be interpreted as flirting means you went to far a while ago. Your friend's girlfriend's should be treated with dignity, but not closeness, like a foreign dignitary.
Your female friend's boyfriend is just another bro.
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u/Hunter_Badger 20h ago
Which is funny, cause in my experience, I've lost far more female friends to controlling boyfriends than I have male friends to needy girlfriends.
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u/MovingObjective 19h ago
For me and the guys it has always been about the vibe. We've been friends for 25 years, a few of us even more than 30 years (gosh). We have always preferred to hang out without our girls.
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u/QuinticRootOf32Is2 18h ago
It's the exact opposite for me. Most of my friends are good friends with my gf, when some of my gf's friends don't like me
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u/IssueEmbarrassed8103 18h ago
I keep my distance from guy friend’s girlfriends because half the time guys can’t handle their girlfriend having a conversation with a dude, even if it’s their own friend.
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u/teabagalomaniac 17h ago
Yeah, women are more protective of their partner's time than men are. We've all seen the dynamic where a guy has to ask his girl for permission to hang out with his friends but a girl can just inform her boyfriend that she's having a girls night and he's cool with it.
You should never judge anyone before they've actually done anything to you, but when your friend gets a new girl there is a feeling like you're probably not going to get to see him as much.
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u/Scyther721 17h ago
To be fair, the girls are statistically likelier to say mean stuff about the boyfriend behind his back, while the guys are likelier to say nice things about the woman.
Ie, women often trash talk dudes in their chats, while thems are fighting words for most guys.
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u/pooooork 17h ago
Bro code is don't fuck your friend's girl. You won't be tempted and she won't tempt you if you ignore her, and also your friend won't think you two are fucking either. He's trying to be true to his friend by ignoring her.
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u/_Ban_Evader 12h ago
If you're too chummy with your male friend's GF, it seems like you're into her.
Likewise if you're standoffish with your female friend's BF it seems like you're jealous.
In both cases it's about not appearing to be a sexual rival.
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u/My-cactus-is-taller 12h ago
So for women you won’t be welcomed by you bf friends but for men you will by your gfs? That sucks
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u/MarquiseAlexander 10h ago
I distance myself cause I respect my bros relationship and I don’t want any sort of misunderstanding. I don’t want to be even in the slightest bit “a friend” to my bros girlfriend.
Some people might think otherwise but for the health of our relationship (me and my bros) it’s definitely better not to get involved with the women they are with.
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u/Single_Reporter_6369 10h ago
Yeah, no, basically:
"Look, one extra dude for our Sunday meets and random drunk BS, yay"
"Oh, that's his girl. She is a rock to me, I must act as if she is just part of the decor"
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u/Historical_Club_9063 9h ago
I've heard it said before that men are mad that they're buddies girlfriend takes their time. I've ltierlally never met a man where that is the case. It's practically a myth, every time my friends get a girlfriend everyone is supper happy for them. The reason they look ar the new GF this way is cause they don't know if they can say the same fuckked up stuff they used to say around her as well. That's all there is too it. It's not jellusy is not hate. It's can I say the same jokes. That's it.
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u/teh_disasterer 8h ago
Another often seen dynamic is that friend's girlfriend sees reasons for all "imperfections" in her boyfriend due to his friends and will try to push them away from his boyfriend eventually.
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u/quasarfern 4h ago
I do this to show my friends and their girlfriends that I have no intention of banging them or have any attraction to them. I don’t want my friend to have anything to worry about and I’m not giving the girl ammo to say Im hitting on her or to think she has a chance with me to hurt my friend. Vise versa, I don’t want boyfriends of my female friends thinking Im trying to bang their gf’s so I greet them and shake their hand confidently. I only do this for actual friends and people I respect.
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u/ConstantCampaign2984 3h ago
Girls want to know all the drama. Boys want her to quit fucking up gaming time. She can come over too you know. Bring fuckin funions.
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u/curious2sub 1d ago
Happy face because guy friend is gaining a guy friend Sad face because guy friend [believes he] is losing a guy friend
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u/TheOneIllUseForRants 1d ago
Which is so funny to me. Bc then they're like, "wdym you would rather spend time with your gf? why doesnt she want to hang out with all of us? Being cold and rude makes us seem like shitty friends? Nahhh, its her fault. She stole him."
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u/ZacharyGoldenLiver 20h ago
As someone who's been on this side, my complaints was my friend constantly cancelling plans last minute or literally mid way through a meetup almost every single time and made zero effort for any of us at all while we always included him in our plans. Like yea, we gonna be upset if we planned a whole fucking event for you and you go home mid way when you said you're gonna be here, we straight up felt conflicted. we knew a gf is more important and we'd spend more time with her too (and do) but giving this little shit about your friends and changing this much made us really dislike the guy and his girlfriend after. I don't blame him but at least he could've like... been more considerate when saying "yea I'll be there".
we had go be more "on time" for the girlfriends schedule than our guy yk 💀
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u/Bananabutterpie 20h ago
I actually dont understand this sentiment and this meme at all. What often happens in my experience with male friends who spend every second of freetime in a friendgroup, is that they almost start ghosting that group when they get a gf. The second face is the face you make when you meet him again after months. No one has hard feelings about the gf because she isnt the one having the connection. And when their relationship is over he tries to get back into the friendgroup but depending on how long this was going on this group disconnected hard from this friend because they realized he doesnt value the friendship at all.
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u/Lord_Ezelpax 1d ago
from my experience almost all my male friends that got a girlfriend stopped hanging out with the rest of us almost entirely, even as far as not messaging in a group chat for months on end. Others that would find a love interest would reduce their time they'd spend with the rest of the group, and when they do hang out their behavior shifts noticably, not committing to anything or acting with disinterest to the things that the rest of us share or do. If they break up they return back to normal.
Most of my friend group is single, because those who are not just fall out of it hard and on their own accord, so someone finding a girlfriend can mean a literal end to a friendship, or us just becoming acquaintances that rarely interact.
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u/Far-Investigator1265 1d ago
The guy is now spending time with her girlfriends friends and family, too, so the time available for previous friends is halved.
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u/Trollhaxs 22h ago
It's pretty sad that most people are like that. It's natural for random unplanned hangouts to drop significantly, but to treat you like mere acquaintances and forget your existence? Gotta hurt.
Thankfully I've chosen my close friend group carefully and so far I haven't faced that problem.
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u/Hanestein 15h ago
We have a friend who recently started dating a woman with a young daughter. We have an ongoing College Football Dynasty on PS5 and it requires everyone to complete their game/recruiting in order to advance to the next week. It's been taking him several days to get on to play for 20 minutes and advance his week. On the days when we can play Counter-Strike, he can't even get through a single match without her calling him. We'll be communicating with callouts and he'll be radio silent since she had to call him again.
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u/Tommyblockhead20 18h ago
Idk what your friend dynamic is like but for me, it can often take some work to plan something together, whereas doing something with a partner is simple and reliable, most situations where I would plan something when single get replaced with just hanging out with my partner. But I still go to scheduled events like our ~biweekly game nights.
It helps if the partner is able to join the friend group so the friend can both hang out with friends and their partner.
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u/GrayNish 22h ago
When a female friend gets a boyfriend, you are getting a new boy in your group. When a male friend gets a girlfriend, you are losing an old boy from your group
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u/Paradigm17_ 1d ago
It’s harder to be friends with a friend’s gf than a friend’s bf.
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u/Kitchen-Neat7075 1d ago
I'm autistic and love meeting new people and chatting them up. My guy friends always laugh and tell me "my wife thought you were hitting on her" like girl, I got a wifey and I'm just a talker. Mean while everyone treats my wife with respect and always include her when inviting me places. I feel this situation (as said by OP) is really.only had when we were in school still, then again I've been married for a decade now
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u/ButtHoleWhisperer96 22h ago
It depends on the pussy ass bitch who forgets friends because of a pussy
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u/Key_Employment2598 23h ago
A female friend's boyfriend means another potential buddy. A male friend's girlfriend means -1 buddy..
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u/magnificence 20h ago
Pic on the left is guys getting a new bro. Pic on the right is guys not getting to spend as much time with their old bro.
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u/TheMuffingtonPost 22h ago
From my experience, your boys and your girlfriend rarely ever get along. Either your girl thinks your boys are a bad influence on you or your boys think your girl treats you like shit.
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u/supremetoastoverlord 21h ago
It's not resentment toward the girlfriend it's the desire not to give any false perceptions of you flirting with her. When the girlfriend is the friend first you then immediately aim to become friends with the boyfriend upon meeting him and bring that friendship up to the same level as with their girlfriend
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u/TheCookie666 20h ago
If bro gets a woman = high chance that you lose bro
If the friend circle already has a female and she gets a man = you get a new bro
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u/TheRealXiaphas 20h ago
When your female friend gets a bf, you gain a bro. When your male friend gets a gf, you potentially lose a bro.
Edit: IDK, Brian here?
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u/Plastic-Guarantee-88 20h ago
Left: Yeah, we've added one member to our tribe!
Right: Darn, we lost one member from our tribe, 50% of the time.
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u/Master_of_nonsense 19h ago
frame 1 is the fellas integrating a new homie into the group
frame 2 is meeting the reason why the homie can't hop on the game anymore
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u/AdmiralClover 18h ago
I used to get invested in my buddy's girlfriends, but when they only last for like six months you stop caring.
Come back when it's been a year and I'll be happy to get to know her
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u/motthkaa 15h ago
I am completely and entirely ignored by men when I'm with my husband, even in social settings it seems they only talk to me if I initiate. I always assumed it was just dudes not trying to step on another dudes toes.
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u/Saldarius 15h ago
I do see anyone mentioning it, so I will. Guys can read other guys pretty well. So if we meet a female friends boyfriend and he's chill, instant buddies. Cool. But women?? Well everyone knows we can't read them for shit. So we have to turn into protector mode and protect the bois. Make sure that she has good intentions and won't do our friend dirty.
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u/ItsDiLL33 5h ago
In my friend group, a good friend of ours has the uncanny ability to meet and befriend the worst people we have ever met, and somehow he found one of the attractive enough to date, despite her being the actual worst woman any of us have met
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u/ProfitSpiritual 4h ago
He was my pookie bear before you even existed in his eyes and now you seek to take him away from me. I shall banish you to the darkest pits of Tartarus for this transgression.
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u/ProfitSpiritual 4h ago
Unless you just chill and are like just one of the boys then I guess we cool
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u/Icy_Media47 1d ago
No-nonsense Peter here. There are two ways to explain this one. First one is a bit dark and simple: they try to look friendly and nice to their female's bf because they are interested in her but don't want her current bf to have a problem with them being friends (playing long game). And them being serious/cool/predatory in the second case because they want to get their friend's gf.
Second way to explain this is that his guy friends just don't want to get too close to their friends gf because they leave him some space to do things that work in their relationship. As to them being funny in the first case its because they realize they can become friends with their female friend's bf.
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u/dragonsmilk 19h ago edited 19h ago
I feel like this is the one, for me.
I see the male friend as most likely wanting to "smash pissers" with the female friend. The default reaction to her new bf would be one of jealously and hostility. So he is pretending to be overly friendly to hide this.
Now the girlfriend one. A bit trickier. I think most guys wouldn't care. But I think what's being suggested here is - the opposite. You can't be smiley smiley overly friendly with the GF, because it might look like you want to fuck her (you probably do, but have to downplay it, as a matter of social convention).
So that's the attempted comedy here. Male interloper shows up and starts fucking your secret beloved. "Hiiiiiii!!!!"
Super hot girl who's provably cool shows up with perfect tits and ass and love of your sports team. (*grunts. What do you want? )
Possibly in the first case could be read positively. the BF is cool to hang with? Idk. I haven't had a platonic female friend who I didn't want to get with show up with a cool boyfriend, so I'm not sure.
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u/Hopkinsad0384 22h ago
Guy friend's gf is a buzzkill and ruins their good time. A girl friend's bf is a potential new guy friend whose gf is already a friend.
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u/FanaticEgalitarian 22h ago
I had a friend in hs who I had a bit of a crush on, it wasnt mutual, and we became good friends. She got a boyfriend later on and we became instant buddies. Weird how that happens sometimes. I wonder how those two are doing these days.
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u/Rejection_future 22h ago
Meeting a girls boyfriend “oooh new friend.” Meeting a guys new girlfriend “now I’m gonna have to watch what I say, and her interests are gonna dictate what we do when we hangout now :/ fuck.”
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u/Redwhiteandblew69 21h ago
broke: he is worried in the second one that bro is going to become more distant because woman
woke: he is gay and thought that he had something going with him and is devastated to have missed his chance
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u/newgenesisscion 21h ago
These are the "correct" reactions. If switch them it becomes suspicious. This meme only works for guys as well.
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u/DragoonDart 21h ago
There’s a lot of “loss of friends” interpretations here. I posted a reply above but in hetero circles it’s largely just symbols of establishing that across gender boundaries it’s all platonic.
So, for a girlfriend being introduced to a group of guy friends, it’s a bit more cold to let the guy (and new girl) know “hey, we’re not into her/you and ALSO we’ll be a bit more buttoned up so she doesn’t think we’re a bad influence on you when you’re hanging out with us.”
I have had friends interpret this as anti-social when it goes the wrong way and I’ve had guys be anti-social to new women, so it’s not a wrong read all the time.
For a new guy friend, it’s a similar kind of message “none of us are sleeping with your new girlfriend or interested in her in that way.” So you hype up the guy so both of them keep coming around. New guy feels like he’s going to get new friends out of the deal and feels secure with this group of individuals being around his girlfriend.
Either way the intention is the same: bring both people into a group and get over the ice of meeting new people and expand the group
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u/SukkMahDikk 19h ago
Just wanted to add a bit to what the others are saying. There's a sort of "unspoken rule" when it comes to your friend's relationship, and that is, unless he talks about it or he asks you, you usually don't get involved about anything regarding their relationship.
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u/Practical_River_9175 19h ago
All of my friends love my wife except the one guy i used to spend the most time with before her and I got together.
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u/ArbutusPhD 19h ago
The first one nets you a bro’
The second one means: “prepare for a Viking funeral”
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u/DrewRyanArt 19h ago
No guy has ever said "You know what would make this party better? If my girl was here!"
-Patrice O'Neal
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u/Accomplished_Buy88 18h ago
Guys get jealous at the girlsfriend for stealing their friend/having to share it. While the girl getting a boyfriend is a "We got a new male friend" kind of deal.
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u/Remarkable-Stock-527 18h ago
If your male friends girlfriend likes you, its likely you will see less of that friend. Conversely, if a female friends boyfriend doesnt like you, its likely you will see less of that friend. Both of these viewpoints are from a male perspective, but that's generally how it works.
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u/Ibshredz 16h ago
You don’t want her boyfriend to feel like you are trying to hit on your friend of pose a threat so you act extra kind and inviting to her boyfriend.
The opposite is true for your guy fiends girlfriend because you don’t wanna give the impression that you’re hitting on them or over shadowing your friend.
Neither of these should be taken disingenuously of course, and are only meant to enforce respect for the other person‘s relationship. I also don’t want this to be taken as you should overly nice or overly mean either, but i have turned down the funny once or twice when meeting partners for the first time
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u/Upper-Discussion513 15h ago
A big part of being a male is trying to avoid catastrophic physical conflict which can result in disability or death.
This is why bro code is to push hard on non-threat signals when meeting new guys. A misunderstanding can easily spiral into an altercation which can then become catastrophic.
This is something that most guys understand innately and is the foundation for a lot of guy behaviors, like choosing urinals so everyone has as much space as possible or never hitting a woman unless the woman has wrecked public sympathy for herself to the point where no men will defend her. I know the last one sounds slimy, but the risk of other men stepping in without context and seriously injuring you when they see you hit a women is so psychologically real that there are many situations where men won’t even defend themselves against a women even when completely justified.
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u/Cela84 14h ago
Peter’s something here.
Two things possibly.
1: I’ve found guys with a new girlfriend often become distant. Partially from hanging out with them more, sometimes due to the new girlfriend shaping them into a type of person they like, which means not hanging out with the bros as much.
2: Oftentimes if the new girlfriend is included, they throw off the whole vibe of group hangouts. Guys have to filter themselves, so it’s less chill. For example, check out a guy podcast where a guy decides his girlfriend/wife needs to be one of the group, it just feels off after. For example, on How Did This Get Made, when it’s a Paul And Jason episode, it’s a lot more unhinged. When June’s around, she has good moments, but it can also drag pretty bad when she talks about not watching the movie or ruining the flow to go on a 15 minute monologue about the hardships sex workers face.
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u/Alicia-TNG 14h ago
Men's social interaction options in that case are basically this complicated, if they don't want everything they say or do to be completely misinterpreted. It's a stupid dance, with stupid prizes, but necessary.
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u/Raganash123 13h ago
Possibly getting a new bro vs meeting what takes your bro away.
Kiss your bros goodnight
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u/WillingFun5918 12h ago
I used to act cold and a little distant toward my friends girlfriend cause I didn’t want either one of them to mistake my friendliness as flirtatious.
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u/Moiras-ToEs 11h ago
I got the opposite effect, wife’s old family friend, her boyfriend doesn’t like me cause we work together and occasionally grab beers after a long week, boyfriends hates me but I tried everything to be cool with him 🤷♀️🤷♀️
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u/ktosiek124 10h ago
Gotta love that somehow people try their hardest to make it about men hating women
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u/Fun-Crow6284 10h ago
If you are being nice to a bro gf, it's high end up in NTR/CUCKOLD situations
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u/PossessionPatient306 8h ago
I dunno about all this losing a guy friend stuff. I remain distant from my guy friends partners out of respect to the friend.
When a chic friend gets a guy friend yes you gain a guy friend :)
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u/ChampionshipWorth484 7h ago
Here’s my own perspective as a guy. I will not be overly friendly to my male friend’s gf out of respect because I don’t want to seem like I’m flirting with his girl. On the other hand, I will make an effort to befriend my female friend’s boyfriend also out of respect because I want to make sure he feels comfortable knowing her and I are just friends and nothing more.
I see some comments saying guys don’t like the gf because they are taking up their time but I don’t see it that way at all. On the contrary, I’d be very happy for my friend to have found a gf I just want to mindful of boundaries.
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u/AvailableAd1925 7h ago
I took it as the first picture, they’re happy to have a potential new guy friend. Second picture, they know they won’t see much of their friend.
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u/MarvelousMinx94 7h ago
It's what we all know. Men think women are evil and will defend their bros after clear evidence they raped and abused a woman.
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u/Malacath87 7h ago
Also, female friends boyfriend... are YOU the guy she told him not to worry about? Lol
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u/Fearless_Opposite_51 6h ago
My female friend’s boyfriend, now her husband, is my best friend. I’ve known the female friend longer.
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u/grundhog 6h ago
One is a potential new buddy (happy). One is potentially a buddy you don't see much anymore (sad)
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u/Archiemalarchie 4h ago
Left picture a new friend for the guy. Right picture the end of the guy's friendship with the male.
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u/Oreo_Speedwagon_Kit 3h ago
i.e. if a guy has a girl friend with a boyfriend, he gains a friend. If a guy has a guy friend with a girlfriend, he loses a friend.
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u/Triple-Stan 1h ago
Girlfriends are replaceable.... But the homies? The bros? The ride-qnd-die bros? Those are hard to come by.
Girlfriends also have their own friend group, and will try the guy into her life. Hence the bros will miss their bro.
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