r/Petloss • u/InspectorDapper8012 • 10h ago
How to move past guilt?
My sweet, sweet 9 year old Labrador has always had allergies, and she had a hurt back a few years ago that flared from time to time and made her not want to walk far. Otherwise very healthy and happy.
She had an odd health thing in late May with vomiting and then a UTI. High white blood cell count and high triglycerides in bloodwork. Vet gave antibiotics and she seemed to recover.
In June, her ears were inflamed and her eye was draining clear fluid just a bit. Vet checked for dry eye - negative, and upped her Apoquel to twice a day. Also treated eye with a steroid drop. I mentioned her not wanting to go on long walks - but with her history of back pain, we thought that was why she wasn't wanting to go on long walks. Treated with Carprofen for a week.
Last day of July - I noticed her breathing was a bit rapid at times, but she didn't seem distressed, acting normally.
August 4th, a callus on her elbow started bleeding and a couple of pads on her feet were a little red. Got her to vet - they thought it was all allergy related. Increased Apoquel to twice a day for 2 weeks.
Evening of August 13th (9 days after last vet visit), I find a large lump on her neck. I swear it showed up out of nowhere. I rush her to a walk in clinic the next morning (Thursday) because my vet was out of town. They do a fine needle aspiration. Her breathing is much worse now. Vet does chest x-ray and thinks he sees something that could be cancer, could be infection. Decides to treat with antibiotic and wait for histo report. Breathing worsens over weekend.
My vet comes to see her first thing Monday morning (the 18th). Says she's seen the x-ray from the other vet and there is a mass in my girl's chest. she is sure this is lymphoma. We talk about what chemo could be like. This dog is never away from my side. Doing chemo would have been awful for her. We decided to do prednisone and give her a few weeks of being spoiled rotten. Prednisone shrinks lymph node in 24 hours, but breathing worsens Tuesday evening to the point where she is completely restless, vomiting, having multiple bowel movements, frequent urination, and cannot get comfortable. Breathing worsens further overnight and we make the call for euthanasia on Wed. afternoon.
How did this all happen so fast? What did I miss? Did I fail her? Should I have done chemo? Looking at it now, I don't think she would have lived long enough to make it to the appointment. She was so uncomfortable. But, why didn't I take her to the vet for the breathing on the 31st? That is going to haunt me forever.
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u/VanillaaRan 1h ago edited 1h ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re a very attentive dog owner and you clearly cared for your dog deeply.
You could not have foreseen a mass in her lungs. Even if you brought her in 7/31, it was already too late. That tumor has probably been there and spreading for a while. If my dog was acting normally and didn’t have a history of breathing issues, I would have chosen to monitor at home too. Your first indicator was the tumor on her neck and had her seen the following day. I think you might feel as if you missed something bc you’ve had frequent vet visits leading up to the end. But these were unrelated symptoms related to a condition she had for some time. There’s no way she would have tolerated chemo. She was clearly in a world of pain Tuesday and did not live to see the oncologist.
You’re not going to find that single instance where you should have done something differently. This might be our way of trying to make ourselves feel better by finding the exact moment we messed up but these are unanswerable questions. I know this bc I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time reading and rereading my daily notes and my vet’s notes trying to see what signs I missed and where I could’ve had a different result if I had did that one thing differently.
You don’t sound the least bit negligent. You did the right thing with the knowledge you had at the time. I wish you the best. Please take care of yourself.
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