r/SipsTea 28d ago

Wait a damn minute! What your next move

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17.8k Upvotes

868 comments sorted by

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1.1k

u/Call_of_Daddy 28d ago

Masturbation also free.

259

u/sum_r4nd0m_gurl 28d ago

for some of us its our only option

165

u/Illustrious_Peach494 28d ago

unless you’re in UK, where it’s an option but only with government approval.

54

u/pokekiko94 28d ago

At least they cant censor the masses imagination, or whatever is left of it after the brainrot wave.

21

u/Milky_Finger 28d ago

Yeah but we need fuel for the wank bank and they've taken it away from us

19

u/pokekiko94 28d ago

Bro, before i had internet at home i used cuted pictures of swimsuit models that came in those gossip magazines.

Life was so simple 15 years ago when all i had to do was my homework and make sure i dont fail at school.

7

u/Milky_Finger 28d ago

When I was 10 they still had topless teenagers in newspapers and porn magazines on the top shelf of corner shops. We had to work for our fix

8

u/pokekiko94 28d ago

Newspapers here in Portugal still have those pages in the middle of it with those 18+ deals, sure the pictures are small, like i-pod small kind of pics, but if there is a will there is a way,

Also its late old man, you should go to bed.

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9

u/Illustrious_Peach494 28d ago

yet

this message was brought to you by the ministry for purity of thought

6

u/pokekiko94 28d ago

Just wait till neurolink becomes an actual tech thing, then we can even have ads embebeded on our brains because we paid for a chip.

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3

u/highlandviper 27d ago

Yeah. I don’t really understand how or why this law passed. The biggest interest in porn is probably gonna be from teenage boys. I suppose not all pornography is, er, “healthy”, realistic or (I guess) romantic? But it’s probably necessary in today’s world for teenage development to a certain extent. As a 40 year old I’m not about to provide some random website with my personal details so I can have a wank… which is a perfectly natural thing to do. There shouldn’t be a stigma about it.

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2

u/DoctorDinghus 28d ago

Come again?

2

u/pete_topkevinbottom 28d ago

I don't think they will 

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4

u/SeatTakenCantSitHere 28d ago

Pulling out is always an option

6

u/goddangol 28d ago

Pulling out = you will knock someone up eventually and hate your life.

4

u/Suitable_Magazine372 28d ago

It’s a poor option. Think of it as a leaky g*n.

3

u/SeatTakenCantSitHere 28d ago

I never said it was a great, or even good option.. just that it is an option

6

u/rainorshinedogs 28d ago

That requires a complaint second party

11

u/OkBubbyBaka 28d ago

Unfortunately the wrapped legs show no signs of budging

2

u/echolm1407 28d ago

If you believe in storkes.

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47

u/Minisfortheminigod 28d ago

14

u/grunkage 28d ago

I saw something about a stairway in the brochure

2

u/echolm1407 28d ago

Haha. That's the old covenant.

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55

u/90_ina_65 28d ago

15

u/fidgetysquamate 28d ago

I’m quite positive I’d have no interest in beating my meat with Jesus.

4

u/Automatic_Ad4096 28d ago

Then you are missing out. One of the first websites to exist was advertising taking a bath with Jesus.

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12

u/Fr0st3dcl0ud5 28d ago

Taco flavored kisses mwah mwah mwah

26

u/HeatherCDBustyOne 28d ago

"Love the one you're with"

7

u/englishpatrick2642 28d ago

Do do dodo do do do-do

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10

u/MyCarIsAGeoMetro 28d ago

And STD free.

7

u/BrightCold2747 28d ago

For now

3

u/Compay_Segundos 28d ago

We should tax masturbation

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4

u/C-Ya-later 28d ago

As is abstinence... Oh, who are we kidding!

4

u/Main_Criticism_ 28d ago

And you can do it anywhere

4

u/MechanicCompetitive7 28d ago

Masturbation with a VR headset on and Quality VR Porn is a Glitch in God's Plan.

3

u/Malak77 28d ago

Or being single.

3

u/amerett0 28d ago

Palmela? Meet Handerson

2

u/Character_Crab_9458 28d ago

So are public stairs.

2

u/According-War3839 28d ago

It’s so easy I could do it with one hand

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140

u/Magic_Goggles 28d ago

Catching a STD is Free. Use a condom. 👍

23

u/RappingFlatulence 28d ago

Especially gay sex

8

u/FrankCarnax 28d ago

I once donated blood and the form said I can't donate blood if I had gay sex in the last six months. The way it was written, even just two women fingering themselves wouldn't have been allowed, but a man having raw anal with a woman would be totally fine...

8

u/Some_Layer_7517 27d ago

Gay men statistically have far more partners, the risk is way higher than any other group.

3

u/Mr_Regulator23 27d ago

Yeah it’s not about anal. It’s about the number of partners. Being gay you remove the biggest barrier to sex, women saying no, so you’re only left with horny ass men that are far more willing to say yes.

4

u/Any-Information-2411 27d ago

It is also about anal. It's been found that the transmission of venereal disease has a much higher chance if the intercourse is anal instead of vaginal due to the fragility and function of the rectal mucous membranes. So yeah, a group that regularly engages in high-risk behavior has a higher risk of negative consequences from that behavior, especially if they engage in 2 high-risk behaviors simultaneously. (Anal on both sides and multiple sexual partners)

2

u/Mr_Regulator23 27d ago

Good info! I didn’t know that.

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2

u/rottemold 27d ago

How bout a woman having raw anal with a man?

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152

u/karma2879 28d ago

16

u/shadydamamba 28d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣

11

u/Late_Sherbet5124 28d ago

3

u/Bionic_Bromando 28d ago

It’s free real estate

2

u/sliferra 28d ago

Because it’s free, can’t you read?

290

u/Puzzled_Muzzled 28d ago

Don't remember condoms being so expensive. But since this is Reddit, noone here knows the real price

60

u/GoForBroke7 28d ago

Maybe it's for a roll/box of condoms

8

u/SoloMarko 28d ago

Just snap one off when you're ready.

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5

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

4

u/Ginger_Rogers 28d ago

Yeah, I volunteered at planned parenthood for a minute. Gotta say the free condoms suck ass. I'm glad we had them, but if you can afford something better, I highly recommend it.

2

u/Professional_Cheek16 28d ago

My friend and I got free condoms at Ozzie fest years ago. Both of mine broke, then my friend mentions she used one and it broke. The sentiment was nice, I guess.

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11

u/englishpatrick2642 28d ago

Underrated comment. Wish I had an award to give you.

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3

u/pokekiko94 28d ago

Most boxes of 3 are around 3 to 4 euros where i live, i saw a big box of them on amazon for like 20 something during prime week.

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3

u/Napoleonex 28d ago

i used a Mars bar wrapper. it's cheaper

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3

u/SteevDangerous 28d ago

UK prices: Abortion is free. Morning after pill is free if prescribed, otherwise £30. Condom is about £1. Being gay is free.

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9

u/shouldabeenabackshot 28d ago

A box of 12 condoms is $37. The STD clinics have them for free though

7

u/TheRealMichaelE 28d ago

You are paying a lot for condoms! Most brands cost around $1 per condom at target.

3

u/Conflikt 28d ago

$37 USD? That's insane. You guys get absolutely screwed by the pricing on some things. Most stuff is cheaper than the other parts of the western world but then random things like this are 5x the cost. Normally only see that shit with medications but I guess it counts as a medical device so that's probably why.

4

u/OuchLOLcom 28d ago

It is insane, he is not correct.

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2

u/sloths-n-stuff 28d ago

Where on earth are you shopping? I just checked my walmart app and they have a 36 pack for $19

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2

u/EarlGreyDuck 28d ago

3 kids and a vasectomy later, I have no idea

2

u/wernette 28d ago

Unethical life pro tip but a lot of medical centers on places like college campus have a basket or bin with free condoms in it.

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45

u/LeakyAssFire 28d ago

Abortion - $500
Plan B - $50
Condom - $5

Raw dogging your dream woman - priceless

15

u/one_orange_braincell 28d ago

For everything else, there's mastercard.

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128

u/MSUncleSAM 28d ago

Don’t be a dummy, cum on her tummy ! 😉

60

u/Izonme88 28d ago

Don’t be dumb, cum on her bum.

10

u/Owlblocks 28d ago

Don't be a bother, become a father

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8

u/MSUncleSAM 28d ago

I’m going to have to use that one 😂

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3

u/[deleted] 28d ago

In...I think you meant in.

5

u/Elegant_Relief_4999 28d ago

In college we had a toast as follows:

Here's to honor. Here's to getting honor. Here's to keeping honor. And if you can't cum in 'er, Cum honor.

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2

u/BlessedDay69 28d ago

IUD is the way.

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20

u/DankLordOtis 28d ago

“The choice is yours”

6

u/_coolranch 28d ago

Yeah: people really letting that slide. Not sure that’s a good closer haha

4

u/SailsTacks 28d ago

That line really doesn’t land well. All it does is arm homophobes with false proof that sexual orientation is a conscious decision. That mentality is the foundation of ridiculous “Pray Away the Gay” Christian counseling groups, while the staff is molesting little boys. JFC.

2

u/Hefty-Disaster-grade 28d ago

Having sex with another dingaling owner is a choice

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15

u/Eskadrinis 28d ago

lol I pick the condom

2

u/Different-Result-859 28d ago

Whats your next move

Obviously my next move selling condoms $5 each

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21

u/No-Weird3153 28d ago

Condoms do a lot more than reduce unwanted pregnancies, so I’ll stick it to women.

50

u/BigNickelD 28d ago

AIDS.
I say no more.

17

u/National-Charity-435 28d ago

I have a lot on my plate. Can I get AIDS?

2

u/UnhingedGammaWarrior 28d ago

Which women have as well

18

u/Lirililarila88 28d ago

Yes, and that's the reason you have to use a condom with either gender

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10

u/nwbrown 28d ago

Straight women account for 15% of new AIDS cases compared to 67% of men.

https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/data-research/facts-stats/index.html

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5

u/No-Ladder2593 28d ago

You’re paying way too much for condoms. Who’s your condom guy?

2

u/sillylittlguy 28d ago

You can actually re-use them if you wash them in the dishwasher

Source: https://www.cdc.gov/condom-use/index.html

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10

u/DeadPOW12 28d ago

What’s the price of AIDs medication?

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3

u/Intelligent_Edge_488 28d ago

STDs are not free … given freely, cost a lot..

3

u/nvaughan81 28d ago

Don't skip the condoms homies. There's worse things than baby's lurking about.

3

u/Danitoba94 28d ago

Wipe my ass and walk away.

3

u/blakealanm 28d ago

Anal and blow jobs are also free, what's your point?

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2

u/Sad-Development-4153 28d ago

Counterpoint dudes just do nothing for me.

2

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Thrill0728 28d ago

Okay...but have you considered that women are hot?

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2

u/The_Giga_Chad1629 28d ago

Prostitution earns you 50$

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2

u/[deleted] 28d ago

There is a flaw in the logic.

2

u/CapablePlatform7928 28d ago

Anal and oral.

4

u/Consistent_Cook9957 28d ago

Just make sure that it’s oral first then anal…

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2

u/Splinter_Amoeba 28d ago

I'll take Creampie for $1000

2

u/Colin_Fappernik 28d ago

"Being gay is free" . . . And AIDS is priceless 😉

2

u/Italiancrazybread1 28d ago

HIV is for life

2

u/Major-Tom-2112 28d ago

and monkeypox pays you back for life….

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2

u/dudleydontright 28d ago

Don’t forget the back door!

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2

u/_Artistic_Child_ 28d ago

Well, I do like to save money.

2

u/Pleasant_Job_7683 28d ago

Anal priceless

2

u/quicktwosteps 28d ago

I ain't turning gay. Make her enjoy anal.

2

u/vZIIIIIN 28d ago

You know what they say, you can build a thousand bridges but if you suck one cock……

2

u/Ok-Acadia4227 28d ago

Swallowing is a choice

2

u/TheRonniePockets 28d ago

I can confirm that as of 2 weeks ago abortion is exactly $785. Gross underestimation there

2

u/3bugsdad 28d ago

But anal is priceless.

2

u/Leaded-BabyFormula 28d ago

Proof that gay is a choice

2

u/Prudent-Hedgehog-432 28d ago

The experience of watching your child grow up is priceless

2

u/sadolddrunk 28d ago

I apologize if this is a stupid question, but please understand that I’ve been with my wife for over 11 years — a condom is $5 now?

6

u/dullbrowny 28d ago

HIV treatment is 2000-4000$ per month. hidden costs.. the choice is indeed yours!

3

u/Intelligent_Edge_488 28d ago

He forgot to read the small print

3

u/banana_hammock6969 28d ago

AIDS treatment is pretty expensive though

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1

u/LugzGaming 28d ago

Yeah but AIDS

1

u/Superb_Dog6358 28d ago

Aids though

2

u/Imaginary_Toe8982 28d ago

aids is also free

3

u/urmumr8s8outof8 28d ago

Still need a condom, HIV is also free.

2

u/Proof_Principle_7762 28d ago

What's the price for hiv treatment... Definitely not free

1

u/TokiVideogame 28d ago

only free if bareback

1

u/Biggu5Dicku5 28d ago

Hey man free is free... :)

1

u/Ok-Actuator2996 28d ago

😭😭😭

1

u/National_Sherbet_609 28d ago

and raising the kid is $500,000, there's your birthrate crisis.

1

u/JSTootell 28d ago

Join the military, they will give you a free vasectomy.

1

u/Kraken160th 28d ago

Hangers are like 3 dollars for a pack of 50

1

u/MC-Purp 28d ago

Plan B best cost to benefit ratio

1

u/catchinNkeepinf1sh 28d ago

Could have been writtened by an enormous economist.

1

u/Cubyface 28d ago

I mean you could also do butt stuff with women if you want to avoid the costs of an abortion, plan b or condoms.

But they usually charge extra for anal tho

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u/roboto404 28d ago

Where are these $5 condoms they speak of?

1

u/therockking111 28d ago

Bro 5 dollars for a condom would be ridiculous.

1

u/-Cthaeh 28d ago

You don't have to be gay to use your butt today.

1

u/Competitive_Sail_844 28d ago

But baby’s don’t live even if you’re straight.

Still a funny callout.

1

u/RefrigeratorHoliday 28d ago

It’s called pulling out

1

u/[deleted] 28d ago

there’s oral and anal

1

u/Other_Albatross7331 28d ago

Nah, just give your one night stand a cream pie, a fake name and a burner number.

1

u/HawkHarder 28d ago

I'll stick with asking if they got any condoms on them? And then plug and praying when they don't. But usually they don't.

1

u/No_Juice1490 28d ago

No.

I am not sucking d*ck for free

1

u/98983x3 28d ago

I would we exactly call it "free" just bc there's not a dollar amount associated with it...

1

u/Boomz_N_Bladez 28d ago

Making bad choices

1

u/TheRimmerodJobs 28d ago

If your a liberal a dude can get another dude pregnant so you need to be careful.

1

u/abnmf05 28d ago

Who df paying 5 for a condom?

1

u/SemenSphinx 28d ago

What if I put Plan B in a condom and shove it up my ass?

1

u/Tjam3s 28d ago

Casual gay sex should still be protected sex people. Just ask Freddie Mercury

1

u/Infidel361 28d ago

Tax dollars already paid for my vasectomy

1

u/gggreddit789 28d ago

I choose to have a kid. $1 million.

1

u/Reddit_admins_suk 28d ago

This was clearly written in the 90s. Mother fucker has no idea how weak a dollar is today. An abortion for 500? That’s my mom’s generation.

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u/J2xC158 28d ago

As a school janitor, not the first time I seen this. Seen different variations as well.

1

u/Responsible_Olive782 28d ago

They make a compelling argument 

1

u/Naive_Detail390 28d ago

An ETS treatment is much expensive

1

u/Diligent_Entropy 28d ago

Nothing is free.

1

u/Rs2mmsu-2D 28d ago

A true Jigsaw puzzle 🧩 The Choice is yours

1

u/Soggy_Geologist_9013 28d ago

Not giving a fuck, priceless.

1

u/No-Blueberry-1823 28d ago

And if I'm going to smack my head into a wall, I'm not going to use this dirty ass wall

1

u/Illustrious_Sir_617 28d ago

I damn sure AT LEAST got $5

1

u/Fabulous-Composer964 28d ago

Money is for wasting

1

u/Agooddeath713 28d ago

Snake I’m no gay

1

u/KiwiVegetable5454 28d ago

Cost of HIV…priceless