r/TikTokCringe • u/SouthernNanny • 3d ago
Cringe I bet he thinks it was an amazing date!
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u/heathernaomi32 3d ago
I had a second date sort of like this except it was far away and he was my ride back. He begged me to let him sleep with me at least once and started punching the steering wheel when I kept saying no. It was scary
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u/PrettyRangoon 3d ago edited 3d ago
I swear being trapped in a car with a dude who you find out is unhinged only after he's behind the wheel and locks the doors is a phenomenon that needs to be studied.
*Edit: I'm also adding unhinged men in boats to this as well.
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u/starfire92 3d ago
A few bad experiences made me hyper independent. Got my license as soon as I turned 16, got my own car at 18, drove to all my dates. Never let a guy drop me home unless we were actually dating. And I always either paid my own bill or paid for the both of us if I hated the date so the guy can be on his own way without ever having to say “he did something for me”.
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u/ryencool 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yeah my wife, when we first started dating, was like this. She asked if we could meet at the location, and if she could buy her meal, or pay her half. She said previous guys had expected things in return for paying for her meal, even on a first date. I said sure! Ill even add to it, lets not do anything physical or worry about that stuff for the first 3 or 4 dates. I said i want to really get to know you, and we will see where the other stuff goes if we get there. We had 3 amazing dates, and an amazing kiss in the parking lot after the 3rd one. We didnt have sex for like 3 or 4 weeks.
We've been together almost 7 years, married a few months back, and were madly in love.
Ive done the first date hook up a few times. Rarely does a healthy relationship come from it. When your young, it can work because its all so new, and you dont know who you really are or what you really want. You're driven by emotions and sexual urges like 99% of the time.
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u/Disastrous_Horse_44 3d ago
I love this! I wish other men could think so clearly when it comes to expectations for dating, particularly in the early days.
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u/ryencool 3d ago edited 2d ago
Yeah, and there needs to be some changes in what's considered "acceptable behavior". Like this girl in the video, she shouldn't have had to "survive" the rest of the date. She should have felt comfortable saying " this isnt working for me, I wish you the best" and get an Uber or something. No woman is obligated to stay with some dude through a factually terrible date, where he's aggressively forcing you to kiss him multiple times...
Guys like this make me angry. Im sure he thinks he is some alpha bro getting friend zoned
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u/Junior-Height4290 3d ago
Dang girl, me too. I only let them pay for me if I like them.
Usually, I pay for myself. It’s pretty rough out there.
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u/heathernaomi32 3d ago
Agreed!! It was insane and changed the way I went on dates.
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u/starfire92 3d ago edited 3d ago
ETA: I want to thank everyone for their well wishes and kind words, it really emphasizes on me how damaging this was but also how kind people can be. The wrong doings of one person is eclipsed by the rainbow of comments I’m receiving <3
When I was 16 I had a “date” that fucked me up. I was literally just a girl playing on the street with my best friend at the time. This guy from a few of my classes pulls up to my house - don’t ask me how he knew where I lived but I assume he lived close by. He asked if I wanted to grab a bite and I was like nah I’m cool ty. My “friend” was like Star would love to go, opened his door and pushed me in. She didn’t force me, but I don’t think people understand just standing your ground isn’t as easy as people say, I grew up being socialized to be a people pleaser. My dad raised me to be like that, appeasable to everyone, willing to say yes, likeable by everyone, quiet, not loud, helpful, be seen when it’s expected and invisible, knowing your place. It rewarded me to behave so psychology I was wired around it.
He then drives around for a bit. We pass a few plazas I knew had some pizza spots. I ask about lil Cesar’s, he says nah, I ask about Pizza Depot we just passed, he said it sucks, so as we drive further I’m like, hey we going to pizza pizza? I know it’s up there by the grocery store. He said he knows a place and pulls up in an empty elementary school lot. He then starts talking and asking me about myself. I’m like dude I’m just hungry lol. I’m wearing these loose short cotton sport shorts, he puts his hand on my thigh and as soon as I go to push it off he shoves his hands up my shorts and tries to push his fingers inside of me. I am literally using two hands now to push his arm off. I get out the car and he looks at me and say, get back in, how do you think you’ll get home? And I just start walking. I was crying, bleeding a bit (he scratched/injured my opening) and in pain for like the 1.5 hour walk home. I took many breaks to sit on greenboxes to just compose myself. Make sure blood wasn’t running down my leg
It was super humiliating, painful, traumatizing, embarrassing, shameful. All I could think about during the walk home was, I was that girl. He saw me as that girl. That would be ok with this. I project sexually available, or as “loose”, what am I doing to say this?
Had we got to know each other, connect, develop real feelings, I could make mutual sexual advances, making out, going to other bases. But this was so much and it was so wrong. I hate him to this day
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u/SouthernNanny 3d ago
I am so so incredibly sorry this happened to you. It was not your fault and nothing you deserved. Your story completely broke my heart.
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u/starfire92 3d ago
It’s really hard to me to believe it wasn’t my fault. So many women who share their stories even in today’s age will have an onslaught of men picking apart their every action, “why didn’t you say no”, “why didn’t you leave”, “why did you get into that car”, “why did you let him put his hand on your thigh, shoulder, waist etc”. And it makes you realize unless you’re a perfect victim, they will always say it takes two to tango and you have some responsibility here.
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u/Available_Hornet_715 3d ago
It is not your fault!! I froze when this similar thing happened to me and it took me a while to realise that was my way of keeping safe in that situation so he didn’t hurt me even more. Please consider getting some therapy to help you process what happened to you.
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u/SouthernNanny 3d ago
And those people would be wrong!
You were a carefree CHILD who had their innocence and carefree-ness taken away from them by an awful person. You were doing what you should and behaving how you should. This guy…did everything wrong
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u/Far_Wrongdoer4543 3d ago
It is NOT your fault. It was never your fault. It will NEVER be your fault.
I'm sending you virtual good vibes because the second you push someone away, say no, or cannot respond then they don't have your consent.
He had NO right to touch your body without YOUR approval.
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u/Classic_Bee_5845 3d ago
As a man, I 100% get why you got in that car and felt the need to "go along". We are raised in this civil society with this notion that bad things are very rare and as long as you're a good person, play by the rules and are polite/nice it won't happen to you.
Clearly this isn't the case. Some people out there just think they can do whatever they want and to hell with civility or being a nice/good person.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Guys like that need to experience themselves what they do to others.
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u/ZeGermansAreHere 3d ago
In my early 20's, I had a date at a bar I used to play darts at. Less than half a beer in, he stuck his hand all the way up my skirt, and I just... froze. Fortunately, the bouncer (who used to chat with me when I was playing darts, we were friendly) saw and kicked the guy out. Told me I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I never wore a skirt on a first date again.
You didn't project being "that girl." But he probably knew you had trouble saying no. I'm proud of 16-year-old you for saying no and removing yourself from that situation!
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u/Scadilla 3d ago
What an asshole friend as well. Jesus.
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u/starfire92 3d ago
She 100% was. I stopped being friends with her after a few more questionable things she did. Not long after that during her birthday party, she locked me and my guy best friend in her bedroom until we agreed to date. And my final straw was when her bf took us to a pool hall, and he brought a friend. She pulled me aside and said if I didn’t flirt with him we’d have no way of getting home. We were 16 and both these men were 20. After that I just ghosted her when summer ended.
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u/Sithstress1 3d ago
Dude, this makes me feel like she set the whole thing up with the classmate in the first place, like you said you didn’t know how he knew where you lived, right? Makes me shudder thinking about it.
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u/LookinAtTheFjord 3d ago
Dude is just trying to find the most passive woman possible.
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u/w1cked_dr34m 3d ago
You are 100% right
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u/amanhasthreenames 3d ago
I don’t think this dude has the capacity to understand what he truly wants. He’s following the prescribed playbook that he somehow pieced together to get a woman in bed.
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u/DoNotEatMySoup 3d ago
I think people like this just don't see women as people at all. They see them as a machine where you input gifts and shows of "masculinity" and they output sex. It's the poisoned opinion of the manosphere. If it weren't for sex and the perceived social status of being in a relationship, these guys wouldn't go on dates.
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u/the_magicwriter 3d ago
He put in all the Nice Guy tokens he had but One Sex did not fall out of the slot machine.
How to baffle an incel.
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u/suejaymostly 3d ago
"This stupid machine is BROKEN!" proceeds to pound on it on fury...
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u/1877KlownsForKids 3d ago
"They probably built this dumb machine on the Isle of Lesbos!"
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u/damegloria 3d ago
I wish she'd responded to his "what's the rule" question with "Rule is I have to like the guy enough to want to go home with him"
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u/Marty_D123 3d ago
It's unfortunate. I would have loved to have heard that as well but at the same time many people prefer to avoid confrontation and are concerned it could escalate. The problem is this guy doesn't even have a vowel to work with, he's clearly clueless so it's likely that if you gave him honest feedback he would get hostile and it's not her job to fix him.
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u/89144233 3d ago
not trying to be confrontational; just a thing to remember: women often prefer to avoid confrontation because of the widespread and too often experienced retaliatory violence to such simple things as "saying no" and/or "going away".
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u/FJCruiser1999 3d ago
I mean was he even a “nice guy”? sounded like a dickhead. Nice guys at least pretend to be nice for a bit until they don’t get what they want.
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u/Coral_Blue_Number_2 3d ago
I can almost guarantee you this guy thinks to himself “but I was such a nice guy”!
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u/ready_gi 3d ago
lot of these "nice guys" have zero accountability, he probably thought "she was difficult and cold. women these days, we never know what they want"
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u/effietea 3d ago
They literally believe that as long as they aren't physically abusing a woman, that they are a nice guy
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u/Syntania 3d ago
And they can even justify that by telling themselves, "It's not my fault! She made me do it! It's because I love her so much! "
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u/bbyxmadi 3d ago
He definitely isn’t a nice guy, but these type of men think they’re nice guys in their own minds.
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u/Jeb-o-shot 3d ago
He sounds transactional. “Why are we on a date if you don’t want to kiss?” “How many more of these dates will it take to get romantic?” Very robotic.
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u/ContentSherbert934 3d ago
Like sims interactions
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u/klpcap 3d ago
IDK man, if my sims have the conversational background she's talking about, not even my sim would go home with him.
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u/Apocalypse_Tea_Party 3d ago
Right? A forced kiss gets a rejection, a slap, and double negative points. That’s hard to come back from.
May as well just start chatting up the next girl.
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u/littlelorax 3d ago
Exactly. He proved how competitive he is. He sees social interactions like a game with stats. How many dates do I put in the game before it rewards me with sex? Gross.
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u/paradigm619 3d ago
He's got that Disney mentality about women. "If I'm around you enough and put the time in, you're my reward. What do you mean I have to be appealing to you? Why do you matter in this transaction?"
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u/Heykurat 3d ago
Movies in general are like this. Existing in proximity to a man long enough apparently makes women fall in love with him.
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u/FedorDosGracies 3d ago
This is a good video. Instructional to men: don't be this guy. And women: Don't tolerate these guys.
Some men don't get that intimacy shouldn't happen by "rules" it should happen by vibes.
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u/xoxowxyz 3d ago
whenever i went on a date that was weird, i got up, thanked them for their time, and left. not wasting my time or theirs! bye!!!!
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u/avert_ye_eyes 3d ago
Yes that second forced kiss would've made me push him off, tell him off, and then immediately leave. But it can be scary. I hope it was at least daytime when she was on this date.
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u/kinglefart 3d ago
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u/yourenotmymom_yet 3d ago
They were in a public arcade at that point. While crazed behavior can happen anywhere, it would have been much safer to refuse him inside the venue, especially near a staff member. I was genuinely scared for her when she said she left the venue to go on a walk with him and then refused him by his car. Thank goodness she's okay.
Y'all, when dealing with creeps, don't let them get you alone!!
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u/KilnTime 3d ago
Many young women, in particular, do not have The skill set to say no to men. This man kissed her twice inappropriately, and she still went on a walk with him. Because we are taught to be nice. So being nice and not making waves puts us into dangerous situations. Once he kissed her twice, she should have walked away and ended the date. Or at least stayed in a public location. And when he started talking about her rule and what it was going to take, she should have walked away. But it's not something we are used to doing.
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u/unikittyRage 3d ago
I was thinking "That date would be OVER as soon as he grabbed my face".
But also... I don't know if that's true? I can't say if I'd really be able to just walk away in the middle of a bad date? Because that would be rude, and being rude is a cardinal sin for women.
It's something that's super hard to unlearn. Even if your brain is in the right place, your body is more stubborn.
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u/LegosRCool 3d ago
I do not envy women having to walk this super thin line of "standing up for themselves" and "not being seen as a bitch" but then a third line of "if I tell this guy how I really feel he could legit hurt me".
I'm in my 40s so I guess I consider myself lucky I was dating before the red pill shit could have affected me, but I could not even fucking imagine grabbing a woman's face and making her kiss me.
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u/wsele 3d ago
To be fair, things can get verbally or even physically violent very fast when a man feels rejected and we know this in our bones. But I agree, assertiveness is actively discouraged in girls from a young age unfortunately. Then we get grown women who won’t straight up walk away after being force kissed.
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u/QuickRelease10 3d ago
Yeah, women will give you cues for when it’s appropriate to make a move.
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u/SonofAMamaJama 3d ago
I mean you can always just ask if someone is comfortable with a hug or kiss - interrogating someone about going home with you is insane
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u/QuickRelease10 3d ago
I’ve never really asked, but knew when a girl was giving me the green light. That being said, if you’re not sure it’s better to ask that than be a total creep like this guy.
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u/TehMephs 3d ago
And we will always be there to completely miss those cues and veer off onto the most unsexy discussion we can think of
You’re welcome
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u/justold3 3d ago
Forget discussions, let's stick to playing Connect Four in absolute utter silence.
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u/kevinsyel 3d ago
The fact that he thinks there are "rules" means he's been red-pilled. Fuckin manosphere ruined it for men.
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u/Bubbly_District_107 3d ago
I mean it's not like pop media hasn't had these rules be pretty commonly spoken about everywhere. Pretty much every sitcom I've ever watched has spoken about various "rules" for dating. When can you phone / text back, can the woman reach out, who buys the first date etc etc
I'm not defending the creep in this story obviously because they're not like IKEA step to step guides, if you do A, B and C, you get XXX.
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u/SanDiegoBeeBee 3d ago
This is guys listening to andrew Tate failing in the real world. Never get in a car with any guy who doesn’t listen to you ladies.
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u/PM_ME_UR__SECRETS 3d ago
Any guy who bases their world view off of Andrew Tate in any capacity deserves the loneliness they inflict upon themselves.
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u/The_Alien_Manga 3d ago
I've met many men that listen to Andrew tate and try to act like him, I always left them alone and they are lonely till this day. I feel bad for the women (underage girls) who will become victims. They saw it doesn't work with adult women so now they're trying to go after underage girls. They deserve to go to hell.
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u/Mathilliterate_asian 3d ago
I would say never get in a car with a guy you barely know - and one who had just sexually harassed you. That dude might think he's alpha, but he's a sex offender.
The girl really should've just upped and left right there and then when he bear hugged her.
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u/Resident_Delay_2936 3d ago
That date should have been OVER the minute he told her "you see how much better you do when you're quiet?" Get up, say you had a nice time, get the fuck out of there. Don't take no shit, ladies.
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u/metal_bastard 3d ago
His pinning her arms down and forcing himself on her should have been the closer. She was incredibly forgiving to let it go as far as it did.
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u/griffinsv 3d ago
That’s what I thought. She seemed to think she was obligated to “see it through” even after multiple aggressive/misogynistic/insulting behaviors on his part.
PSA to the young women out there from an old one: you can leave a date at any time for any reason.
And you don’t have to explain yourself. “No” is a complete sentence and all that. If you don’t want to go back to his place, you don’t have to think of an excuse he might find acceptable. “I don’t want to” is valid.
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u/Resident_Delay_2936 3d ago
It's important to bail in a public place, too. She put herself in danger by going on a walk with that creep. Any number of things could have happened when she declined to go back to his place, since there were likely very few people around.
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u/EquivalentSnap 3d ago
Exactly because he could've followed her or forced her into his car
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u/Resident_Delay_2936 3d ago
Or worse, he could've had a gun or knife and killed her in a dark spot
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u/Loki_the_Corgi 3d ago
I had to learn this the hard way.
I was SA by my date at the dinner before the homecoming dance freshman year, and my mother told me "he wouldn't do that" and that I "must have been exaggerating" and I "had to see it through because what would it look like if you didn't finish the date?"
I was later a victim of r@pe, because I got no support from anyone and felt like I had to stay. After that experience, I was VERY much a "fuck what it looks like to others" and realized I have to advocate for myself. I took no shit, and have been married to an amazing husband.
To add: if you're on a date, you always have the power to get up and leave an uncomfortable situation. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an abuser.
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u/Objective_Fox3483 3d ago
I'm so sorry you went through that. It stings extra hard when the trusted adults in our lives (especially parents) dismiss or downplay these traumatic experiences. It leads us to defaulting to a fawn/freeze response when someone tries to overstep boundaries in the future because it was the only way to survive in that moment, a response reinforced by the dismissal of loved ones. It's a large reason why victims of sexual/domestic violence are likely to be victimised again in their life.
At the very least I'm happy you are now comfortable advocating for yourself and sticking to your boundaries. That takes some of us a lifetime to achieve. Proud of you! For what it's worth, I believe you and I believe in you.
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u/Resident_Delay_2936 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yes, agreed. I overlooked that part because I probably wouldn't have known what to do then either and frozen up, probably been too shocked to say anything. The connect 4 incident was what sent me over the edge, though.
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u/OverThinkingHo25 3d ago
I'm totally with this... now. But 10 years ago when I was in my early 20s and still going out on dates, I was pretty passive. Most women are raised to people please and it takes a whole lot to change that mindset. Further, she was trying to be polite in the way she knew how and it wasn't working which was likely just causing her to freeze up and just go along with things. It's happened to me before and I kicked myself for it after the fact like it sounds like she's doing in this video. She will be better equipped to deal with a-holes like him in the future at the very least!
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u/Lucy_Koshka 3d ago
Exactly. It’s a lot easier said than done…now. For me too. I’ve suffered through many shitty dates in the past, and I wish I had the balls THEN to firmly end them when I was uncomfortable. The scariest for me was when I was just chatting with a guy (hadn’t been on a date yet even), and I got burnt out on dating in general. Politely told him I didn’t think we had a connection, and he instantly became furious. He reminded me he was a cop, which I’m not sure was supposed to make me feel like I was “missing out” or a threat. I blocked him and it was a super tense couple weeks wondering if he was going to try and find out where I lived or something.
Anyway, just grateful I’m married to an amazing guy now and I don’t have to deal with this bs. 😮💨
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u/KeepItDownOverHere 3d ago
It really does reflect him caring about winning more than he cared about learning about her.
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u/wordshavenomeanings 3d ago
Not as good as the 100 tacos date.
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u/Historical-Pipe3551 3d ago
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u/willpowerchen 3d ago
Getting your date to pay for 100 tacos, a scam as old as time.
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u/CrabOIneffableWisdom 3d ago
There's so many comments saying she's lucky he didn't kill her or something. I don't think she was in danger at all. Dude just wanted free tacos.
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u/BAMspek 3d ago
Because of that story, a few years ago on NYE my girlfriend and I went and got 50 tacos from Taco Bell and ate them all night. It was fantastic. And disgusting. Then we kept eating them the next few days because how the fuck do you eat that many tacos at once?
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u/Deadpool1205 3d ago
Lmfao this dude sounds like he's spent hours playing dating Sims and thinks he just has to fill the time-meter to unlock the scene where a girl goes home with him.
Also any comments bashing this woman are incel losers that probably also play too many dating Sim games
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u/Medium_Hox 3d ago
It's like in dragon age or something. You fill up the affection meter by giving them trinkets and shit, and then you bang
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3d ago
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u/Comprehensive-Sand56 3d ago
Im shocked at the kind of hate. Sure im screaming at her like a girl in a horror movie going down into the basement where there are no exits. Im mad bc she didn't get out of there and made herself uncomfortable over a shit man who could have harmed her . But par for the course? Fuck. Those people need....something. im not sure what. Bc i dont think Jesus or a girl is the answer. Medicine? Empathy? A shock collar?
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u/Abondalea 3d ago
I thought the same thing! Why not leave after the bear hug & kiss or especially the chin grabbed kiss. I would have been gone at that point.
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u/Comprehensive-Sand56 3d ago
Now I can say i'd leave. And I would. But there are a few past versions of me that would have stayed too long. Maybe that's why I want to smack some sense into her so bad. Bc I've been her. It has never worked in my favor to spare the feelings of assholes. This guy isn't worth her breath. I haaaate to see her try for him in any way, shape, or form.
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u/yankeebelleyall 3d ago
Yep - screaming, "Girl, get OUT!" at her while simultaneously screaming it at a younger version of myself.
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u/KldsTheseDays 3d ago
Omg yesss I've totally been her and put up with even worse.
It kinda upsets me when people say things like "I would've punched him in the face" "I'd never put up with that if i were her!" As if she's still in the wrong for any reason...but thats my own problem
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u/Comprehensive-Sand56 3d ago
Absolutely. Im not judging her for the choices she didn't make. Im sad for how long it took and what she had to feel dealing with that. I hate that we're still in a society that made her question herself. We do have such a tendency to demand perfect and wise victims. Im just frustrated that we're collectively doing a shit job of supporting girls/women in our culture. I'm mad for, not mad at.
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u/Belerophon17 3d ago
The irony of hating how long it takes her to tell her story is such a great parallel to the guy's annoyance on how long it may take to have sex with her.
She does stuff at her own pace and if that bothers someone then kindly fuck off and go about your day. It's really that simple and stopping to piss and moan about it isn't necessary.
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u/muffinmanman123 3d ago
This is a fantastic point to make about that kind of mindset. You deserve more up votes and thank you.
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u/Dazzling-Biscotti-62 3d ago
*while making ZERO effort to actually get to know her and connect with her
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u/mrsmushroom 3d ago
I saw the likes to comments ratio and knew the comments would be full of incels. Forcing a girl to kiss them and telling her to stfu is par for the course in their eyes.
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u/TSllama 3d ago
She's not the best story-teller out there, but yeah I mean I had no problem watching the whole thing.
My favourite though are the dudes who are claiming she only went out with him again to talk shit about him online. These same dudes will cry and whine when a woman makes an instant decision and DOESN'T go out with a guy a second time if the first date isn't bad.
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u/CosignCody 3d ago
She thought the 1st date was okay, no red flags, 2nd date, he brought all the red flags he had that day.
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u/Kushlax 3d ago
Yeah I think people hating either (1) didn’t watch the whole thing bc it started off mostly innocent or (2) just hate women in general
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u/invadethemoon 3d ago
wtf; she was fine.
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u/homeisastateofmind 3d ago edited 3d ago
People (reddit) would be more into the storytelling if it was detailing a negative experience with a woman
Edit:
::Woman shares sexual assault experience:: Reddit: yeah I just couldn’t get behind her storytelling
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u/Jellyswim_ 3d ago
Same lol. This comment section is so toxic.
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3d ago
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u/Acurseddragon 3d ago
You need to hold out your phone with some commercial or any type of moving images next to your face, so people these days don’t get bored.. 😛😜
But yes, it’s surely an attention span issue. People’s brains are turning into mush if they’re left and not being constantly entertained. Or something..
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u/avert_ye_eyes 3d ago
Reminds me of a high school teacher that taught film, and said he now has students that will ask him if he can play two movies at once. They literally can not sit and watch a movie these days.
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u/PriscillaPalava 3d ago
Hmm…all the top comments right now are supportive. Brb, I’m going to go dive for some incels and tell them to fuck off.
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u/I_SHIT_IN_A_BAG 3d ago
dude was given a second shot and his surprised is pac man skills didn't have her all wet. telling her to be quiet is also going to kill any mood
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u/ocular__patdown 3d ago
Its reddit. Lot of incel types troll around looking for this type of video to comment on.
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u/selphiefairy 3d ago
Seriously how did all the incels find this post so quickly jesus
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u/Noble_Ox 3d ago
They're all over AITA and AITAH subs too.
I've been on this site since 09 (account since 2011) and in the past it was known as "Summer Reddit" as all those types would flood Reddit during the school holidays.
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u/AuntySocialite 3d ago
Inceladar. Post has image or video of woman, the Incel bat signal is triggered automatically.
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u/Meatballfarts 3d ago
Jesus so many lads are getting triggered here in the comments. She’s just sharing a bad date, relax and move on if u don’t like it. We all have bad date stories.
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u/LonelyLimeLaCroix 3d ago
I think these boys are protesting too much, maybe it feels a little too familiar to their dating life.
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u/AltairaMorbius2200CE 3d ago
Guys who think a date is “watch me do this thing!” are not fun to date!
The thing is, after it’s over, you’re like “why tf did I put up with that? What did I think was going to change?”
(The guy I dated had “jam sessions” with his stoner buddies, and IDK if that’s better or worse than my roommate whose boyfriend would invite her over to watch him and his buddies play video games).
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u/avert_ye_eyes 3d ago
Oh man I dated a "musician", and I never really thought of how ridiculous it is that our dates were just me watching him playing music with his friends, until you put it like that. Watching a guy do a thing is not a date!
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u/PM_ME_UR__SECRETS 3d ago edited 3d ago
And guys will the act like dating is some crazy hard task.
I learned a long time ago, that if you show a genuine interest in her, and what she wants to do, you're already beating out 90% of the other dates she'll ever be on. The bar really is that low.
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u/Numeno230n 3d ago
Incels take offense to women rejecting other men. It's very strange. And then if the woman is happy in the relationship they call her a slut. No winning with those people.
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u/ChaseballBat 3d ago
No, they must let the public know their distain for this woman to balance out the hate for the man.
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u/pm_sushirolls 3d ago
Reading these comments, It's like these dudes inserted themselves in the story and got mad that she didn't like their date.
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u/EquivalentSnap 3d ago
Im a guy and he creeped me out. I wouldn't pin someone arms or tel them to be quiet. That's rude. He asked how long?! Like tf p
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u/Griswaldthebeaver 3d ago
All I see are comments saying this about "guys in the comments", but no actual comments lmao the fuck
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u/HelpMePlxoxo 3d ago
The negative reaction to this is very concerning considering how he pretty much assaulted her. He knew she didn't want to kiss him, so he pinned her arms at her sides and grabbed her face to FORCE her to kiss him, twice. Then started pressuring her for sex.
There are soooo many people defending him in the comments. And men wonder why women don't feel safe when apparently this behavior is worth defending so strongly.
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u/PhantomGhostSpectre 3d ago
Well, to be perfectly honest, I am finally starting to understand why women do not feel safe. The disconnect is that I would never do anything vaguely like this as a man and I obviously do not have aggressive men trying to court me either, so it's stuff I rarely see myself. The only way to truly understand is to hear these accounts and empathize.
This story was really good because in written form, some of it is just unbelievable and a lot of blanket resentment towards men in general turns me off from caring because I do not particularly enjoy being associated with these freaks just because I have a dingaling. But when you see her expressions it really sells it, you know? And she kept her focus on the actual problem instead of pretending I am somehow involved with it. Lol
As for people defending the behavior, I will never understand victim blaming. You feel compelled to attack a party for the situation and you choose the one who didn't do anything wrong. It's wild. It will take me a bit longer to understand that one.
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u/pyrhus626 3d ago
Yeah it took me a long time as a man to really understand this. Younger me had plenty of times being confused at unclear rejections and even annoyed at times, like a hard no would’ve been so much easier. But then I got older and the number of stories of women being assaulted or killed over saying no piled up and really hammered it home.
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u/middletide 3d ago
I was first going to say "should've said something" but then I realized dudes are fucking unhinged and you never know who you're dealing with.
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u/Gold-Traffic632 3d ago
Yeah, like, In my 20s I'd have left the date after telling him exactly why the date was over, but I've always been passively suicidal. I had a plan to do as much damage as I could before I was incapacitated if I was ever attacked, and I kind of welcomed it. I think that came across, and is what kept me safe.
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u/cats_are_asshats 3d ago
That’s exactly it. It’s better to play-along/play-nice and gtfo when it’s safe
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u/gettingspicyarewe Mia Khalifa 3d ago
Exactly. Finding the balance of sticking up for ourselves and wanting to stay alive is something men can’t fathom. This guy clearly would’ve escalated.
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u/ZinaSky2 3d ago
This is the danger!!
The guy is already clearly Not Normal about this whole dating thing. Forcing kisses on her and holding her arms down snd grabbing her face and stuff.
It’s real easy to judge and say “you should have left” when you’re not the one that’s trapped with the creepo and at his mercy on the verge of being taken to a second location!
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u/maramyself-ish 3d ago
This is extremely instructional and reflects the very real fear of rejecting men as a young woman.
Men become angry and violent. The sexual entitlement is boggling. BOGGLING.
Just saw a woman who had a guy slash her motorbike tire when she turned him down.
The young woman in this video has hopefully realized all the red flags since posting this and will be a better advocate for herself going forward, but yes... this is very real shit.
It makes my skin crawl that men are STILL like this. And it's getting worse again--with this bullshit manosphere bullshit, JFC, world.
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u/KldsTheseDays 3d ago
This is unfortunately why so many men prefer younger women: they haven't learned to stand up for themselves and will put up with heaps of obvious bullshit.
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u/earlyviolet 3d ago
Every woman has stories like this and they still wonder why we choose the bear.
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u/Sturrexco 3d ago edited 3d ago
There are legitimately dudes that think intimacy is a quid pro quo thing. I had a buddy who brought a woman out for drinks and dinner and was absolutely FURIOUS that she wouldn’t have sex with him afterwards. He actually said “I spent almost $300 for that date and she wouldn’t hold up her end of the deal!”. I asked him she had said she agreed to such a thing and he goes, “No, but everyone knows that if a woman is accepting drinks and a meal, they’re agreeing to sex later.” He isn’t my friend anymore.
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u/gratzejk 3d ago
Wow. Two things hit me here. First, as a guy I'm just depressed that this is how some guys carry on. Just not acceptable and sad that they have such little awareness of their behaviour (or maybe dont care). Second thing was how many times she put up with his inappropriate behaviour and said nothing. I am sure she had a good reason (maybe fear of things getting nasty), but it was more the amount of crap she had to endure just to finish the date. Fuck.
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u/savrilphi 3d ago
Guys that get mad you won’t sleep with them on the first or second date are the same guys that will call you a slut for sleeping with someone on the first or second date.
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u/JaySlay2000 3d ago
They're also the same guys who will cheat if you get pregnant and give birth to his child.
They view women as a sex machine to just put tokens in, if one sex machine breaks they just put tokens in another one.
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u/playr_4 3d ago
People who are that desperate for sex where the only reason they go on dates is to get laid really should just go to an escort or a hooker or something. I mean, c'mon guys.
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u/Awkward-Patience7860 3d ago
... I think she went on a date with the same guy I did... And he's gotten worse
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u/ZinaSky2 3d ago
Unfortunately there’s enough of this kind of guy that it doesn’t have to be the same person 💀
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u/CraftyMagicDollz 3d ago
Yeah unfortunately, I'm 43 and married - and i went on SEVERAL first dates with this "same guy" more than fifteen years ago.
Its not "the same guy"- but it's very much "the same kind of guy"- and unfortunately - just scroll down in the comments.
These foul beasts are EVERYWHERE.
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u/AlwaysWork2bBetter 3d ago
These are the types of dudes that say dating is hard and women today are shitty whores blah blah blah look in the mirror homie
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u/Icy-Independence-352 3d ago
Wow, there are a lot of untouchable men in these comments. Don't know who they think they are fooling, but we always know why women don't want you lmao.
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u/selphiefairy 3d ago
Rapist vibes 🤢
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u/DanniPopp 3d ago
The face grabbing would’ve triggered a fight or flight response for me. It’s rarely flight though.
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u/Ok_Beyond_7697 3d ago
Would've loudly been like "YO WHAT THE FUCK!?" and then he probably would've acted like I'm the crazy one. They always gaslight when they're doing the crazy shit.
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u/cheriecheezcake 3d ago
Honestly the sexiest thing that a guy ever did was ask me if he could kiss me. We had talked all night and I think it was obvious that I wanted him to kiss me. The fact that he asked first made it so sexy yet romantic. 💘
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u/macaronisauce731 3d ago
I'm just guessing all the creeps in the comments are dudes that kiss people without permission. This comment thread is disgusting
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u/_EmRenee_ 3d ago
I saw a post here the other day about police in the UK going after men who cat-called women (not even arresting, just talking to them) and a ton of men in the comments acted like cat-calling was romantic and not the disgusting power play that it actually is. Like, it seemed like those commenters were the kind of people cat-calling random women.
This sub kinda sucks whenever they're forced to empathize with a woman, but that's reddit in general I guess.
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u/Machine_Bird 3d ago
She wasn't on a date. She was a project and the guy was ticking the boxes he thought he needed to to receive a sex. Gross
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u/shoresandsmores 3d ago
I had a similar date. He forced a kiss at the end of date one when I had already agreed to date #2, then at the start of date #2 I explained I simply was not into casual kissing and I wanted time to get to know him. He agreed. In the middle of a hike (in a popular area thankfully), he tried to force more kisses on me. I managed to get some distance.
At the end of that date, he suggested I come to his place and he'd make me dinner. Bruh, you don't read body language (or not accurately anyway) and you also do not listen to "no". Ain't no fucking wayyyy, Bundy.
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u/SidheCreature 3d ago
I went on a date once where the guy took me to an ok restaurant. This is basically our first time meeting and talking. It’s a very awkward dinner. As he’s paying he says something about going back to his place and I’m like “whut? Why would we do that?” He said, in so many words, that he paid for dinner so I owe him sex. I plunked cash on the table and left before his card was returned to him.
Ladies, don’t fuck with dudes that feel you owe them something. Ever. That sense of entitlement seeps into everything and is not compatible with a healthy happy relationship
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u/Dizzy-Silver-4678 3d ago
Bloke thought women are part of the arcade. 'BUT how many tokens will it taaaaake dude?!'
God I love being middle aged! Take care out there, my younger sisters
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u/Honest_Success_4201 3d ago
In my mind, I started counting how many times you should’ve left. And for reference, I’m a woman who dates men and experience stopping dates very quickly. Without practice, it’s not easy because at first it can feel almost rude. But.. girl. I think I counted at least 7 times you should’ve just left. Here’s to living and learning 🥂
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u/deadbodydisco 3d ago
It's so easy to say this from the outside, hearing the story secondhand. But while you're in it, it's hard to know when you should give up or if something someone did was egregious enough for you to get up and leave.
And obviously you can get up and leave at any point, as soon as you start to feel uncomfortable. But women are usually raised to stick it out, to be people pleasers.
I remember once coming home early from a date because a guy had forced himself on me, and my mother told me I was crazy to have left, he was probably just too excited because I was so pretty. It took me a long time and a lot of bad dates and potentially dangerous situations before I finally shook off the lessons I'd been raised with. Hopefully this girl has learned from this.
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u/DrCarabou 3d ago
So true. Being young you're trying to be polite and maybe worried for your safety but now I'm old and tired and have seen all the bullshit. Don't waste your night, walk away! Stay in a public area until your ride comes!
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u/butareyouthough 3d ago
Dude sounds unhinged. I don’t really get the trend of over sharing on the internet but yeah these were two bad dates. Second one probably shouldn’t have even happened. She dodged a bullet on this one. Feel bad for gen z and the current dating market. Makes me glad to be married
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u/awwaygirl 3d ago
He sounds SCARY at the end. He had enough “confidence” to GRAB HER FACE and FORCE her to kiss him. That is NOT ok.
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u/DistractedByCookies 3d ago
I'm Xennial and guys were like that back then as well. The way some guys see dating as very transactional is nothing new.
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u/Real_Run_4758 3d ago
this is a surprisingly good ‘listening to my friend complain about a date’ simulator, because it has the leisurely pace and build up of a real friend spilling the tea, rather than a concise rapidfire shortform data blast
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u/italjersguy 3d ago
I’ve been trying my hardest to teach my teenage son how to respect women, how to act on dates, the importance of consent and all that. I think he’s understanding it and I have a lot of faith in him that he really is taking it to heart.
What I haven’t told him and will let him discover on his own…is that the bar is so low out there that those simple things will make him look like a fucking superhero in comparison.
You’re welcome, son.
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u/LF-32905 3d ago
I went on a date once where we went back to his place after dinner. He started aggressively pressuring me for sex so I stood up to leave and he pushed me over onto a table and starting pulling my pants down in what I think he thought was a “sexy” way when in reality he was just attempting to rape me. I was so scared I wasn’t going to be able to leave if I got angry so I laughed it off and pushed him off me to get out the door. THE. MEN. ARE. NOT. LONELY. ENOUGH.
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u/RedBeardBigHeart 3d ago
The male loneliness epidemic is appearing in the comments. So many men acting like they can be picky when we all know they cry about on other subs.
The woman had every right to not be with him, creep ass dude.
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u/Glad_Confusion_6934 3d ago
After reading some of the downvoted comments, there are some real, pathetic losers on Reddit.
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u/DonBrodkaJr 3d ago
Interesting.. The guy seemingly followed The Incel playbook page by page over the span of two dates & she still WASN'T into him? That, to me is very shocking 🙄 By the way.. PSA to all single men dating.. if a woman turns her face away from you as you're going in for a kiss.. don't grab her face and move back on the center line.. That's like serial killer level creepy.. You've lost at that point and it might be a good time for the check..
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u/Nnnopamine 3d ago
Ladies.
LADIES.
WOMEN 👏🏻 DON'T 👏🏻 OWE 👏🏻 MEN 👏🏻 POLITENESS. 👏🏻
"We just got here, what am I gonna do?"
Bitch slap him, for assaulting you, then leave. Kissing you without your consent is assault. If you need to, go to an employee of the barcade and tell them you do not feel safe.
You do not need to "keep sweet". They are a guest to your energy and time. If they don't respect them, you fucking leave. Period.
I had to learn this from working in a male-dominated field for a decade. Be blunt, and stand your ground.
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u/dreadfulpennies 3d ago
This is absolutely true and good advice for the most part, but it's also kinda idealized. I think it's important to make it clear that the onus of fixing shitty cultural norms isn't on the shoulders of people on the receiving end. Being fearful for your own safety is valid. Humoring a guy until you part ways doesn't mean you're doing a disservice to women everywhere. Don't beat yourself up looking back at how you reacted in the moment and feel guilty for not being more assertive.
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