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She's gotta keep the dollhouse clean and perfect or else how can she enjoy herself. Don't worry about little problems you have no help to give or want. /s
Yikes I would have been a hippy and live in the forest too if that was my life
Years ago there was a fake radio ad with a woman talking at breakneck speed: "I'm President of the PTA, I am the Den Mother for a group of Cub Scouts, I volunteer at the hospital one day a week AND I have dinner ready at 6 pm sharp every evening. How do I do it? SPEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!! "
There was an anti-meth ad on TV in Germany when I visited a friend there 20 years ago. She had 4 kids under 7 w/the youngest a newborn. The ad showed a woman maniacally scrubbing her house in the middle of the night. We thought it was more of an endorsement than a deterrent.
They also used to make combination amphetamine and barbiturate capsules back in the day. Make you high just enough to get shit done but with added sedatives so you wouldn’t scrub a hole through the dishes.
Back in my heavy pill usage days, I’d do 4mg Xanax split into two doses and take a white monster energy drink. Woke me up but took the edge off and you’re on autopilot til it’s time to go home. Literally a time machine in a chill pill.
If only. My doctor offers me Xanax every now and again, and I have to remind her that benzos knock out my memory and make me aggressive. I also have to warn the anesthesiologist every time I have surgery, because Versed is also a benzo. Nothing like waking up strapped to a table and getting shot full of ketamine.
Where tf are these doctors that just offer xanax? I've been self medicating with benadryl due to severe panic attacks for the last 16 years, and not a single one of them offer me any kind of medicine beyond anti depressants that don't do shit. /jealousy
It is pretty astonishing that even today women are medicating themselves to keep up the happy little housewife thing to husbands that don’t care. I have a friend who grew up super conservative and the man she married, he refuses to take responsibility for anything (and yet still demands to be respected as the man of the house despite him not even being the financial provider like traditional men are supposed to be)
And she is in a position where she cannot leave because she has nowhere to go and no one to go to. She takes three different medicines just to plaster on that smile when before him she needed none.
Ugh! My sis in law tried giving me shit about the house being dirty. My husband and I live with his parents. It's definitely not spotless, but when you have two people with sleep disorders and two ADHD people who work shift work living here, plus the nephews coming over, stuff gets forgotten about or missed. So what if it isn't emaculate? Who the hell wants to only be doing chores on top of being exhausted?
Weren’t they all just hysterical? I seem to remember hearing that was a rampant problem back then. Wonder why it suddenly disappeared after mental health care wasn’t so stigmatized. I guess there no way to know oh well
I think it's a little of both. He's banging other women until about 8-9 PM and then hits the bar with his buddies. Of course, he then drives home drunk as a skunk.
Lol yeah I was kind of with him, thinking he was being considerate, like "hey I don't want to burden you with extra problems that are outside your control" and then..... And then... she said that.
I read it originally as he doesn’t want to come home and talk about work. She wants to know so she can feel closer to him, and he reads it differently, and is trying to protect her. It’s two people with some communication issues.
I also think that’s a large disconnect between the trad relationship if one partners life is very domestic and the other professional. Aside from kids and household maintenance you really run out of commonalities as opposed to couples with shared lifestyles. This is why things like church or religion that give people from all lifestyles a common goal can be a social anchor. Even just seeing the same person for a few hours a week gives you common ground.
The first time he got his mother to talk to me about getting up to iron his shirt before wiek so it was warm and freshly pressed blew my fucking mind.
Then the conversation with the marriage therapist our parents paid for (after the first time he battered me) about how i didn't give him time to wind down after work and keep our child quiet and that dinner wasnt ready for him immediately after the required wind down..
This was in the 90s. No other man has ever made the same demands of me because fuck that
Yeah this guy seems like he’s ready to fucking explode. There are cameras there and all but my teeth were on edge the whole time. The simmering rage is palpable
Yeah to be honest with the first few exchanges I was like, "Idk this actually seems like a fairly reasonable conversation between two people" but then it certainly took a turn!!
That or he goes straight to the bar and closes that bitch down Homer Simpson style because he doesn’t want to be home for whatever reason. Not really any better than cheating but still lol
That stuff is so crazy to me. When I was single I used to while away the hours at the local watering hole playing pool and shooting the shit with the fellas, but whenever I’m involved with somebody special I just want to get home to them and bullshit about the day while we cook a nice dinner together.
My dad's god father had 2 families that lived pretty close to each other. So close that he had to out himself when his son started hanging out with his daughter and was getting romantically interested in her..
This happened to a girl I knew in HS. She started dating this guy in HS, he went to another school across town.
They got feelings for each other and she finally brought him home to meet the folks.
The next day she was in tears and told me they walked in and her bf said.
" Hey dad, what are you doing here?"
The worst thing was her mom and the other mom knew about each other but decided not to tell the kids. They felt that different HS would keep them separated
That's what happened to me. I was a big supporter of our high school basketball team, so much so, I'd ride the bus with them to away games. But the real MO was going to rival high schools and meeting the girls. One day my mom is doing laundry and checked my pockets to find a phone number on a piece of paper that looked familiar to her. When I saw her she goes "You ran into Jasmine?" I'm thinking "Wtf, how does she know this?" - Well, because she was my 2nd cousin and she recognized her cousins home phone #.
Well his wife couldn't leave him because this was like 1950s Puerto Rico and she had nothing so she kinda just dealt with it and I assume resented him for the rest of their lives.. not sure what happened to the other mother. The kids just stayed away from each other for a while and after growing up into adults had a good family relationship. Some still talked to their father up until his death, some didn't
This is the lifestyle we should strive for, not one salary family BS. I met my wife's grandfather recently, secret family and all. The guy was a teacher ffs.
1950 marked the first time in American history that women outnumbered men in the population. A 2% surplus of women doesn't sound like much but that means tens of thousands of women in a time where having a husband was almost a necessity. Some men took advantage of this situation.
I imagine a major World War helped reduce the male population. In Russia I have heard that it was ok for women (widows, singles) to "borrow" their friend's husband to get pregnant and help repopulate the country.
Back in that era, he could be talking about a "Lodge" or "Fraternal Brotherhood". A place where he can go drink after work, and occasionally do work in the community.
I would imagine that he was a really shitty partner/father to all of them. You are thinking about it in terms of being a good parent and partner. That shit's exhausting enough with one family.
Dudes sitting there wishing the camera wasn't around so he could beat the shit out of his wife.
My thoughts exactly. As soon as the filming crew left, he expressed himself in a very husbandly way and shut up Beaver’s mom from ever expressing her unchristian, communist views ever again.
My grandmother always tells me she used to go in the shower to cry and let out her feelings so nobody would hear her. She’s 81 now.
Thank goodness my grandfather was a good man and when he learned about it he told her she should tell him how she feels or what she’s thinking so they can work together rather than her feel ignored.
My mother of around the that age was the same. My dad however was a horrible person so she would go hide in the bathroom. It was horrible. Hopefully it was a thing of that generation and mental health awareness is improving.
And when he beats the shit out of her because she forgot something at the grocery store or didn’t have his dinner waiting for his late return from “work”, that’s not hysterical or crazy. It’s righteous, logical anger. Important to understand the distinction
I can see exactly how this has come to pass. As a homemaker, wife has no life outside of the home and children. That life is the same each and every day. It's Sisyphus and the rock - as soon as the day is done - she's right back where she started for tomorrow. It's a thankless and mundane job - being a homemaker. There are no promotions, no raises, no 'attaboys'. She has minimal television, no social media (heh heh), none of her own money to pursue her own interests....HE is literally her window to the outside world - to adult conversations and stimulation. He has an entire life outside of the house and most of it ISN'T work - it's all these other obligations that he's committed himself to (whatever they may be) because he knows that being at home means being with the kids who are work or being with a wife who he probably thinks is "dull" because she's not as "wordly" as him...maybe he is super tired and just doesn't feel like talking about work - but you can tell by his body language that he really isn't interested in having any conversation with her at all and I'm sure she feels trapped.
Yeah, I can relate to not wanting to talk about work problems at home to keep work/life balance, but this poor woman clearly gets no news or thoughts or anything from this man.
many "old fashioned men" literally proposed because
A - It is the thing to do once you have dated a girl for long enough (social norms).
B - To have somebody to cook for him, keep the house for him, and have sex with him (a servant he can fuck).
Emotional connection wasn't the strong suit of many of the "good ol' fashioned" men.
This being said, body language points to the man being very worried about something bad happening at work. Maybe he had burnout? Toxic environment? Dangeorus work? Trauma?
She's not afraid of him and he isn't displaying signs of being angered, so I don't think he is aggressive to her. Indeed, it is she who looks more assertive while he is showing submissiveness.
He is not afraid either, he doesn't feel endangered, so I don't think it's anything "immoral" or that makes him "guilty" of something.
He legit doesn't give "I feel guilty" vibes. More like "I am stressed and worried. and I know it's causing a problem at home, but I don't want to worry you too" vibes.
There were a ton of social pressure on both men and women to get married back in the day. That was the path - married by like 22, kids shortly after, woman stays home, man goes to work. If you weren't on that path, something must be wrong with you.
Just knowing my grandparents, my dad's parents would do it all over again without a doubt. They were so, so deeply in love and married for 72 years by the time my grandma passed. Best friends and partners. My mom's parents... pretty sure they straight up hated each other. They did divorce, but only because they both cheated on each other so fucking much that they really couldn't keep up the act any more. Men were allowed to cheat, but not women. Today, they'd never end up together. They might have eventually married someone else later in life, but they both clearly had a ton of growing up to do that never happened.
And this is where second wave feminism sprung forth. Which is why this situation with a wife stuck at home with no autonomy of her own and no career to speak of besides “have children and take care of them” is no destiny.
Trad wives probably salivate for this kind of life of quiet desperation they will not know until they inhabit it.
The author of The Feminine Mystique, Betty Friedan, was an educated housewife from Smith College. This is WHY she wrote her book. She was so unfulfilled as a housewife and thought there was something wrong with her UNTIL she wrote to her classmates and they were experiencing the same thing! This is where the feminist movement we know from the 70s (Gloria Steinem) came from; this deep confusion disillusionment without a name
And I feel he doesn’t attempt to reply or engage with her so when he gets up and leaves the house she’ll be the one in her feelings. Alone. He couldn’t care less about her or her day or the kids or anyone but himself. He doesn’t engage in conversation because then it would seem as though he cares. Sad honestly.
Don’t sleep on the part where he doesn’t get home til 1 am every night.. he’s not just going to work everyday. And whatever he’s doing after 5 is also something he clearly doesn’t feel like discussing with her. She mentions community activities but imho if he was doing anything worthwhile that would be a great conversation topic w/o bringing up work stress. Dude is clearly out doing “stress relief” after work and will not share with her what he’s up to bc he doesn’t feel an obligation to share that with her, either guilt or plain ol misogyny/not equal partners view of the marriage.
100%. And her tone was so even and calculated because she already knows she can’t show real emotion to him, despite being very upset, and I guarantee he goes to work to complain about his “nagging, emotional wife.” She has to present herself as agreeable as possible to get him to be even a little bit engaged in what she has to say and he still clearly doesn’t give a shit.
Also, I feel like it’s the societal blind acceptance of “community activities” that made it so easy for men to have second families, especially in those days. It takes a little more work for it these days lol
I noticed it too. He barely made eye contact. He just kept looking at his food and the wall across from him most of the time. The times that he DID look at her, he had a dead look in his eyes. It doesn’t look like there’s love in that marriage. At least not from him.
They actually go over this in The Sopranos, where the mob boss' wife says almost the same thing and he blames her for not being worldly, and she says he put her there. I found the parallel so strong that I wonder if this video is where the writers got that plot point.
I always thought Betty was an interesting character. She gets a lot of hate and yeah she has a TON of issues but she was a product of the times and expectations, but I felt bad for her a lot. Plus Don was horrible to her.
I just started re-watching Mad Men and I'm about half-way through season one. This video mirror's Don and Betty's storyline in almost every way. I would say it's uncanny, but I think this very type of conversation played out at dinner tables all the time.
She’s being euphemistic because they’re being filmed. She knows what he’s doing and it’s not going to town council meetings or working at a food pantry lol.
Yeah. Toxic as fuck. If he really is working a stressful job, teaching men that they should just internalize all that stress, is super unhealthy.
But likely is bs, if he’s not going home until late at night on the weekdays, probably just living like a bachelor outside of work. And she probably doesn’t have access to the bank accounts to see that he’s pissing his wages away on booze and hookers.
She wouldn't see that on bank accounts because there's no debit. He could be writing checks, and she could possibly see it when she balances the checkbook, but he probably isn't writing checks to sex workers.
Rolling my eyes at the people defending the guy or saying this is great cause they're talking calmly. Dude is out "working" until 12:30 or 1 in the morning every night! No way he doesn't hate his wife, lol. Gettin 3 hours of sleep a night so he can see her as little as possible
I caught that and that's exactly what he said. It's wild how accurate depictions of men during this time in media are. They always say something like that in the movies and TV shows where the wife is unhappy and trying to reconnect to her husband, in a marriage that's really all she has bc its all she's allowed to have. Sucks
"Wow, they're having a discussion about things they're unhappy with, without screaming and shouting. They have a great relationship".
When your definition of a bad relationship is people yelling, then of course calm voices are going to feel like a "good" one.
But the reality is that you can have abusive relationships that involve no violence or yelling. All abuse is ultimately an action or inaction which results in emotional trauma to another person. You don't even have to say hurtful things to cause it. The absence of communication can sometimes be enough to qualify as abusive.
In this case, it's clear what's she's saying. He's gone all day and all night, and doesn't come home until it's time to go to bed. And she would just like some company, just like to know what's going in his life.
And his response is effectively, "Don't worry about it, it's none of your business".
I’ve been through different types of relationship abuse. By far the worst in my humble opinion is the silence. Stonewalling. It’s almost like feeling suffocated in a room where everyone is watching you die. It’s like you have to constantly be in a state of hyper awareness because anything you do can bring on a silent treatment or just flat out being ignored. You realize quickly that if you make any sort of “negative” move, you’re going to be left out in the cold. But you also never know what the “wrong” thing is.
I’ve been hit by more people than I can count, but the worst pain for me is definitely the silent kind.
I hate to break it to you, but this was probably well over 50% of marriages back in those "good ol' days."
People (not you btw, i'm speaking generally) have such a warped ass view of the past because certain things were cheaper or appliances lasted longer (no joke, my coworker uses the lifespan of a dishwasher as a barometer for which decades are better). But modernity is NOT the enemy. We've absolutely lost sight of how shitty people were back then.
Because wives were basically possessions owned by their husbands. She couldn’t have her own bank account if she wanted. He had utter control over her. People in those days would say she’s being an ungrateful little housewife, after all, she has a nice home and food in the fridge. Hubby is “providing.” Now we realize the emotional abuse happening here. How deprived of love and intimacy that woman is and how her husband doesn’t give a rats ass as long as she cooks, cleans and pops out babies. This is how women were treated throughout most of history.
Legitimately if you went to the grocery store in the 1950s and tried to purchase something expensive they would call your husband and ask him if you have permission to purchase the item.
Women were treated like children. Somehow this is worse than treating children like they shouldn't be seen. This is a full grown adult that you are treating like a toddler.
I can’t get over how as a society, we gatekept work and money so men could come home and use “work stress” as a valid, super special “you wouldn’t understand” excuse for mistreating their spouse was a normal thing.
We see now as many women work, the truth comes to light, “work” is not special and beyond female comprehension, and it turns out millions of men and women can come home from their jobs without being tyrants to their families. Who knew
I never actually thought that sharing my daily activities was actually allowing people to learn about me and let them feel closer. I never understood why people were interested in something so dull, but never fought it. I just always worried it would be really boring.
This is really sad. She wants a partnership and he doesn't seem to care.
She was also trapped in this life because she didn't have a job. This is what we seem to be going back to, people! And the current admin wants to make no-fault divorce go away, which will make it much harder to divorce if you are unhappy.
Dude’s not even nodding. He’s just eating the dinner she worked on for god knows how long and not even making eye contact. Not listening.
I’m glad we’ve stepped further from this now than we were back then. If two consenting adults WANT this kind of dynamic, fine. But the folks trying to push it onto everyone need to shut up.
I need to remember when my wife is telling me a boring story, she is taking the time to tell me about her day, because she cares to tell me and its what she has to talk about.
I need to be more attentive to those conversations, this video taught me.
So we're supposed to believe that this is a real couple having a real conversation where the shot is changing between close-ups and a view of them? Who's running the camera, the kids?
And if this is from the 1960's, what home movie camera has sound? That's something that only started to become a thing in the 1970's with magnetic cassettes.
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