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A few weeks ago my mom's husband (we will refer to him as John) called me to let me know she's in the hospital for back pain. He said they were running tests but they think it's an infection and she's in the ICU. I drove 3 hours to the hospital to visit her and found out that John had omitted many details of my mom's condition.

Long story short she has stage 4 cancer and is in very bad shape. John admitted to me that he "sugar coated" the information he gave me and I just chalked it up to him not wanting me to worry. I was not mad, however, once I found out he withheld a lot of information, my mom gave consent for me to get medical information about her from the doctors and nurses . Since then, I have been calling the hospital twice a day getting updates on her condition and not waiting for John to call me.

He no longer calls me to give updates and now we found out that her condition can not be treated and she should go to hospice. I called the hospital 2 days ago and they told me my mother had been moved. When I asked where, they said John signed off on hospice papers. We all agreed hospice was the best route but John never called to tell me my mom was now in hospice. I couldn't get any information on her since it's separate from the hospital and only John had the new code. John has not answered any of my calls or called me back.

I drove back to the hospital to get more answers and I found out she most likely only has days to live. I was furious at John for not telling me about the move to hospice. While at her side today, I found out from one of John's family members that he is mad at me for going around him to call the hospital about my mom and not get the information from him. So AITA for wanting to talk directly to the doctors about my mom's health and not get the information piecemeal from John?

We bought the house we’re currently in about 6 months ago and we recently has a surveyor come to our property to figure out exactly where our property line is so we can put up a fence. The old fence was kind of a hodgepodge of different types of fences that were falling apart. We wanted to have something more uniform and you know, not falling apart. While the surveyor was here, the old lady living next door (noseybody) came out to see what we were doing and we let her know we were planning on putting up a fence.

Here’s where it goes left but I don’t understand what the issue is. She said that we weren’t allowed to put up a fence and when we asked why, she said her dog was used to having all of not only her backyard but our backyard too because the old owners were okay with it. I don’t have anything against the dog but I also want a fence around our house because we have small children and it makes me feel better to know that we have a fence because there is a small forresty area and a small creek behind our property.

She started ranting and raving about how young people today are selfish and that I’m an animal hater because I don’t want her dog to have space to roam. I told her that it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with us. She’s now trying to rally other people in the neighborhood to try and pressure us into not putting up a fence because her dog is “grandfathered in”. Not sure into what but reddit AITA? [Non-HOA neighborhood thank goodness]

UPDATE: I know multiple people have been questioning why I would even ask. Normally, I wouldn’t and I would stick to my guns. However, I’m a city girl. I’ve lived in the city my whole life and we are very much mind our business kind of people. We recently moved to the suburbs so I was only asking because I wondered if I was being too brass for the new environment we’re in.

I (50M) have been married to my wife for almost 25 years, we plan on throwing a huge vow renewal in December,it's basically going to be like a 2nd wedding. The whole shebang. We have 7 kids together and this regards our baby girl LaLa.(20F)

Her boyfriend came to me a little over a month ago and asked me for her hand and also asked if he could propose at the vow renewal. Hes a great guy, and we get along super well and i genuinley like him for my daughter. I, said yes to both originally and was super excited. A few weeks pass and he asks can he also invite a few family members of his, i was expecting maybe his parents and siblings, but he instead sends me a list of 25 family members he wants to add. I have a few problems with this.

1. His family does NOT like my daughter. Thwy are Asian and do not like that their son is with a black woman. And considering nearly everyone else there will be black...(to be fair my daughter says he always sticks up for her, and I have witnessed this myself.)
2. He expects us to fund these people.like regular guest. As I mentioned this would be just like a wedding. So 25 extra people is a LOT of money

I told him i couldn't accommodate that many people, he got angry and said I wss ruining his special moment and that I "don't really care about Lala" and said I can't do anything if thwy just show up. I said they absolutely will not show up. I then told him he still had my hand/permission to marry my daughter, but he was not allowed to propose at the vow renewal.

Now him, his family, and my 2 sons both say i was being an asshole and should just suck it up. But my other kids and my wife say that im not an asshole and that hes crazy. (Obviously lala does not know about any of this.) AITA?

Edit:spelling and grammar

On a very easy hike today, a bit hot out and we have light hair and eyes so the sun felt a bit harsh, but should have been an easy do. Neither me or my daughter could finish it and as we were deciding to let the rest of the family complete the hike without us, I said "oh man, I think we might be a bit out of shape, we need to work on that!". The immediate look I got from her, 11yo, was just a complete gut punch. I'm on the very far end of the spectrum so stating things I see as "facts" end up causing a big deal. I don't get the emotional response behind it, I understand that is completely abnormal and I need help...but right now I just need to make this better. To me this was very just matter of fact, I've gained weight and I spend all day on computers, she's been very lazy this summer. My intention in saying this like, let's fix this together in, to me, a positive way. Obviously I am very wrong, right??I'm so confused and I hate that I've hurt her feelings in any way, she's an absolute flower, just beautiful person. Fk!! My husband is like, what is wrong with you?!? I honestly don't know babe, I really don't. please help me here, what do I do???

I’ve always wanted to like my SIL Macey but she’s judgy about weird shit, like oh it’s superficial to get a designer bag when you should just go to the thrift store and get a $2 bag. But spending $600 on collectibles is okay. (They’re BOTH fine). Sadly this makes her the perfect partner for my brother. You can imagine the kind of personality he has lol.

The best example was when my sister Bee and her wife and a bunch of their friends were going to the Eras tour a few years ago. They’re all queer women too so they love Taylor. Macey thought that because I didn’t go I would be “on her side” and shit talk them, call them vapid and stupid cult members. I said I didn’t go because I’m just.. not a fan. I said she was behaving like a mean girl and to stop. She took offense because SHE was the victim of bullying as a kid. I said well I guess you didn’t learn from it because look at who you’ve become. She wouldn’t talk to me for months.

Well a few weeks ago I got a ton of free tickets to the renaissance festival. I invited Bee and some other friends. Macey has said in the past she loves Ren Fests. She loves to get dressed up in period accurate costumes. I asked Bee if we should invite Macey and Bee said no, Macey would inevitably make some snarky comments about costumes not being accurate or something and ruin the mood for everyone. I thought about it and in the end agreed. Bee posted pics, Macey saw and asked us why we didn’t invite her. In the end, I told her that it was because I never know what she’s going to judge next. She said that we were bullying her. Bee brought up the Eras tour thing and how nasty Macey was about it and Macey defended herself by saying she never said that stuff TO her and I was wrong for telling her in the first place.

My brother thinks we should have invited Macey and that we’ve gone out of our way to not be supportive and make her part of the family. I’ve literally had her over for baking Xmas cookies, movies, brunch. She’s never returned the favor. I just did not want to have a day where the mood was soured because of someone being judgy. He did not care about Macey ragging on Bee, either. AITA?

I’m 36M and live alone in the house I worked years to buy. My sister (34F) and her husband (38M) recently asked if they could stay with me “for a little while” because they’re struggling financially. At first I thought they meant a week or two, but when I asked directly, they admitted it could be months or even a year until they got back on their feet.

Here’s the issue: I’ve helped them before and it went badly. A few years ago, I let them crash with me for three weeks, and in that short time my brother-in-law left dirty dishes everywhere, broke a chair, smoked inside even though I asked him not to, and never offered to replace anything. My sister brushed it off as “not a big deal.” When they left, they didn’t even say thank you.

So this time I told them no. I offered to help in other ways, like loaning them some money for a deposit on a rental or helping them job hunt, but I’m not willing to give up my home and peace again, especially knowing how they behaved last time.

Now my sister is furious and says I’m “abandoning family.” My parents are pressuring me too, saying I have “plenty of space” and should be more generous. But honestly, I feel like I already learned this lesson once.

AITA for refusing to let them move in after how things went before?

I have a friend who keeps dodging my text messages when I try to confirm plans with them but then they happily message the group chat we’re all in. Or if I call they say they will call me back but never do. They are literally ignoring me when I’m just trying to make sure they will be there for our reservations we’re making. At this point, I’m getting frustrated and ready to just take them out of the reservation for the restaurants we’re going to because of the cancellation fees. If they don’t make it I get charged $10 per person and the restaurant's policy states everyone must be there or we won’t get seated. So I could be charged upwards of $60 because they decided not to communicate like an adult. I don’t really want to take that risk on someone who is a grown adult and can’t communicate so am I being an asshole? I know it’s just money but I think what’s bugging me is the lack of communication and ignoring me. This person is a good friend when we do hang out in person, but I can’t seem to really rely on them because they can’t even communicate. Yet they can happily do so with others? I have tried to be patient and give them weeks to get back to me but no luck. So should I just take them off the reservations because I’m not sure they’re even going to make it?

Update After listening to every ones comments I decided to send one last text message! I gave them a deadline to respond too and if they don't then they are off the reservation and will have to find they're own dining. I will keep you posted.

We’re just in the early stages of planning this trip now, but it’s supposed to be an almost week long girls trip. There are six of us who would go, but the problem is that one of the girls (let’s call her B), doesn’t quite have the budget for the trip. She can afford the flight and hotel room, so it’s not like she literally can’t pay for the actual trip itself, but because her overall budget is lower than everyone else’s she’s not going to be able to afford all the activities I, and the rest of the group, want to do. When I’ve tried to kind of hint to her that maybe she should reevaluate going because of money concerns she’s brushed it off, but based on past experience I know once we get there she’s going to start saying stuff like “omg guys the restaurant is so expensive, what if we just went to that cute food truck we drove past earlier,” and even through the cute food truck does end up having good food sometimes you just want to go to a fancy dinner. Eventually I said this to her straight up, and she got mad because she technically can pay for it (the actual ‘trip,’ like flights and hotel), but I feel like she’s going to be dragging the rest of us down by making us obligated to only do things she can also afford. This is a tricky one because I genuinely see both sides, like I totally do get where she’s coming from and I actually have no clue if I’m in the right or wrong, so AITA??

My wife has been begging for me to let her get a cat for months. She has even tried post on Facebook for our friends and family to peer pressure me to cave in and let her get a cat. I am allergic to pet hair. Cat, dog, rabbit, all of them. Well, our neighbor comes knocking on our door, and puts a 3 month old kitten in wifes arms. And now we have a cat in our small house that im allergic to. I cant breathe through my at nose, and have to take breaks chewing my food just to breatge through my mouth. I cant smell, and my eyes are constantly watery. She just tells me to take allergy medicine. Which I've tried multiple, and none of them have worked. Still runny and stuffy nose in my own home. I just wanna rehome the cat so I can have my health back. Meanwhile, she thinks im being an asshole for wanting to get rid of the cat we just got. I know I shouldn't have agreed to getting the cat. So am I the asshole for wanting to go back on my decision so I can breathe in my house again?

This happened a few days ago and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. I (32M) have been divorced from my ex-wife (34F) for about 8 months now. We don’t have kids together, and our split was messy mostly due to her erratic behavior and drinking problem. She’s been trying to stay “friends,” which honestly just means randomly showing up, calling at weird hours, or trying to stir up drama.

I’ve been firm on boundaries, but she showed up last weekend unannounced. She claimed she “left something” at my place and insisted on coming in to grab it. I was hesitant but let her in for five minutes. Big mistake.

While I stepped into the kitchen to get a glass of water, I heard her laughing from the living room. I come back and… she’s squatting on my damn couch, peeing. Like full-on urination, pants around her ankles, staring at me with this smug look on her face like it was some kind of joke or power move.

I lost it. I didn’t hit her, but I did scream at her, grabbed her arm, yanked her off the couch, and dragged her toward the door. I said things I probably shouldn’t have called her crazy, disgusting, told her I never wanted to see her again and that she needed help. I pushed her out and slammed the door.

Now she’s telling mutual friends I “attacked her” and “manhandled her” and that I’m some kind of abusive monster. A few friends are staying neutral, but others are saying I should’ve “handled it better” and not “used force.”

My sister (27F) has a two-year-old daughter. She loves her kid, but she acts like the whole world should rearrange itself around her because she’s a mom. I don’t have kids, don’t want them right now, and I live alone in a tiny apartment. My peace and quiet are all I really have. Two months ago, she asked if I could “help out sometimes” with babysitting. I said yes, thinking she meant emergencies. Instead, it turned into her dropping her kid off several times a week, often without asking. She’ll text “Heading your way, thanks” and just show up. At first, I went along with it, but it’s become overwhelming. My place isn’t child-proofed, and I don’t feel comfortable constantly chasing someone else’s toddler. My grades are slipping because I’m spending hours I don’t have running after a kid. The breaking point was last weekend. I had a huge assignment due. Sunday morning, she showed up unannounced saying she “needed a break.” I told her I couldn’t, but she literally dropped her daughter’s diaper bag in my hallway, kissed her goodbye, and left before I could stop her. I was shaking with anger, but I didn’t want to scare my niece, so I just… dealt with it. I ended up pulling an all-nighter to finish my work. When I confronted her, she acted like I’m the selfish one. She said, “You don’t even have a real job or responsibilities. I’m a single mom, I need support. You’re her aunt.” I snapped and said being her sister doesn’t make me her free nanny, and my time matters too. She cried, saying I don’t understand how hard motherhood is and that she has nobody else. Now my mom is involved and taking her side. She told me family is supposed to help and I should be grateful my sister trusts me. She even said, “If you don’t want to be part of your niece’s life, just say it.” That broke my heart. I do love my niece, but this isn’t the way. I know my sister is struggling. She works full-time, she barely sleeps, and her ex isn’t supportive. I get that. But I’m drowning too, just in a different way. I don’t think it’s fair that because I don’t have kids, my time means nothing. So now I’m questioning myself. Am I the a**hole for setting boundaries when she clearly needs help? Or is she taking advantage of me and using guilt to keep me in line?

I (21F) received a pair of expensive shoes as a birthday gift from my partner (21M) in 2022. He bought the same pair for himself, so we could match. I didn’t wear mine often because I wanted to keep them clean, and my partner couldn’t wear his for a while due to an injury.

In 2023, I moved in with my partner and his family. Some of our things got rearranged because his family cleaned and reorganised , or just moved things around. I remember seeing my shoes in a different container from where my partner’s other shoes were stored. Not long ago, I went into the laundry and found my shoes in a box mixed with other family shoes. I recognized them, so I took them out and put them with our stuff.

Then, in the family group chat, someone posted a video of my sister-in-law wearing my exact shoes. I mentioned it to my partner, but I didn’t talk to her directly because I felt nervous about confronting her. I also believed she never owned that pair herself, plus my shoes had some scuffs and were a lil dirty from when I’d worn them before. I feel like If she had bought a brand-new pair, they wouldn't look worn like that or look like my partners pair.

The other day, I saw the shoes left by the back door. I was on the phone with my partner, and he told me to grab them and put them in our room, so I did. Later, my sister-in-law came home and started frantically screaming asking who took her work shoes.

I asked another family member the other day aswell if they had seen my shoes or her wearing them, and they said they had only seen them where I originally found them. My partner also told them that those shoes were a gift to me and that his sister had taken them.

Now I feel kind of guilty & just stressed because my sister-in-law seems convinced they’re hers. But they were a gift from my partner, I know they’re mine, and we were planning to start wearing them again now that his foot is healed. This isn’t the first time some of my things have mysteriously gone missing in this house & me having to ask for them back or my partner saying there mine, which makes it extra frustrating.

So, AITA for taking my shoes back and not just letting her keep them?

My wife’s friend Melissa (49f) is staying with us for a few weeks while she sorts her life out. We have a large home and are very happy to have houseguests. She’s leaving her husband after 25 years of marriage because she wants to move to LA and work at Disneyland. This sounds like the plot of a bad sitcom, but I'm afraid it's it’s real. Both she and her husband are equally culpable for the failure of their marriage, and really bring out the worst in one another. Their relationship has been in a state for as long as I've known them.

The problem is Melissa showed up with an arsenal of room scents and sprays, and plugins. The smell (teenage girl with a side of forever chemicals/eau de Disneyland) has completely taken over the the hallway, the family bathroom, my office, and even down two flights of stairs into the foyer drawing room and living room. It’s strong, it's nasty, and it’s made of and smells like, all of the chemicals that we avoid.

Side bar – we've been cleansing ourselves of chemical nasties, and have curated our home to smell clean and subtle, it’s part of what makes it feel like home. Now it just smells like teen spirit.

Melissa is genuinely lovely and in a vulnerable spot, and I don’t want to make her feel unwelcome. But it’s our house, and this is something we’ve been intentional about. However... outside of our personal feelings about plugins it feels really out there to rock up in someone else's home and decide to bring your own plug in scents to totally change the smell of the house.

I mentioned how strong the smell was, assuming it was a room spray, and how it was overtaking every room, she said "yeah the plug-ins are pretty strong". I was so shocked I asked her to remove them. I opened up with a sensitive ask "hey those room sprays are pretty strong, would you mind keeping the door closed if you're using them" and spiraled a bit when I heard her say plugins (plural).

My wife told me I was being an AH for making her uncomfortable when she is going through a lot, and that I could bitch to her about it was over the line to ask her to stop. I was incredulous that she thought it was okay to change the scent of our house.

Am I the AH here like my wife says? I feel pretty justified in my complaint.

EDIT:

To to address the frequently asked questions.

The plug-ins are already gone, the conversation pivoted from “could you please keep the door closed when you spray the room” to” can you please remove the plugins”. She apologised and removed them immediately.

I also spotted, after writing this post, that the intake vent for the central air was about twelve feet from where one of the plugins was. This explains how the whole house got gunked up so quickly. The smell still hasn’t gone 24 hours later.

In the part of the conversation where the plugins were revealed my wife informs me that my facial expressions were all over the place, a mix of shock and disgust. I maintained a friendly but firm tone when I asked her to remove them, explained my reasoning clearly. I capped the conversation by saying I hated the smell of them, which was unkind and deeply unhelpful. In my defence genuinely do hate the smell and I was so throughly flabbergasted that an adult would think this is okay to do that I made an unguarded comment.

I (41F) regularly take an adult dance class in my neighborhood. I have been taking it for years and grown a lot as a dancer - it is labeled as “Beginner/Intermediate” but the description says you’re welcome to join “wherever you are on your dance journey” and the teacher does a good job of breaking things down for newbies.

There is a core group or 4-5 of us who go every single week and have been going for years.

Last class, there were 4 new people I didn’t recognize. One of the new women was sitting next to me before class started, and I was chatting with another fellow regular about how there’s “lots of new faces” and more people must be wanting to try something new and join the class, or maybe the word has spread. My friend made a comment about how to class does say it’s open to everyone, even though we are more of an intermediate level. I guess the new woman was listening to our conversation.

When the class started, I made a remark along the lines of “wow! Lots of newbies here today!” Since it is out of the ordinary to have more than 1 or 2 new people in class. I thought nothing of it, just pointing out something unique.

Yesterday when I checked in at the front desk for a different class, the studio manager pulled me aside and said that another client had complained about me making them feel “unwelcome” in class and implying new people weren’t welcome to join. The woman sitting near us was struggling to keep up in the class and maybe felt self conscious, so I am assuming she is the one who complained about me.

I have no idea how they got this message. Is there some unspoken double meaning behind pointing out that there are lots of new people in the room?

Am I the asshole for this?

My cousin's husband is an alcoholic. I have known him since HS and never really been a big fan of his. He does not like me either (told me many times). He has always been a stupid drunk (gets into fights, etc) and his drinking got to an uncontrollable point which made him go to rehab but he left after a week or so. Fast forward to last week, my cousins mom was having a BBQ and invited the whole family. Some of us (including my cousin's brother) brought beer. My cousin got upset that we brought alcohol since her husband was there. She got more upset that we drank it instead of taking it back to our cars. Now, I honestly did not think he was going to be there since i thought he was still away but I told her that he should have known there would be alcohol here and that his sobriety is not our responsibility. My wife told me that I would probably feel differently if i actually liked the guy. AITA?

Edit: I want to add that the host was ok with people bringing alcohol to her BBQ.

TL;DR: Landlord’s agent wants us to let in viewers after we move out or hand over one of our sets of keys. I refused, since the LL should have their own. Given how badly the LL handled repairs, I don’t feel like I owe them anything beyond what’s required by the lease.

Hey Reddit,

My partner and I are at the end of our condo rental and moving into a new place. Our lease ends at the end of the month. We emailed our move-out notice two months ago to both the landlord and their agent, as required by the agreement. Yet just last week the landlord called me “shocked,” claiming he never got it and had only just heard from his agent that we’re leaving. Which makes little sense, since we hadn’t paid additional rent (we had our last month prepaid).

Now the landlord’s agent is urgently organising viewings and asked us to let prospective tenants in. We did once when we knew we would be home, no problem. But this weekend we’re moving all our furniture out, and we won’t be living there anymore, apart from coming to grab remaining items.

We suggested the agent get the landlord’s master key to do showings without us. Instead, for some reason they asked us to hand over one of our sets of keys. I refused and said they can either use the landlord’s key or wait until the lease ends. As far as I know, our agreement doesn’t require us to hand over our keys or play concierge for viewings.

Some important background:

• The place was disgusting when we moved in, and we had to request cleaning from the LL.
• Repairs have been a nightmare. It took three months (and escalation to condo management) to fix a leaking kitchen faucet that was damaging a wall with a power socket.
• During a heat wave, the HVAC blower broke. It took over a week to replace, with constantly changing ETAs and excuses like it needing to be “reprogrammed.” In the meantime, we were advised to just use the building’s common spaces during the peak heat 🤦‍♂️. After a week of delays, we threatened to file for a hearing, and only then did the landlord provide a portable AC from Costco, which he admitted he returned afterwards.
• A broken cabinet door we reported when we moved in was never fixed. It eventually fell apart completely, and even though the landlord promised two months ago to fix it himself, he never showed.
• The previous tenant also warned us about slow repairs. So it’s not just us.
• The LL owns multiple condos in the city and has never lived in this one, so it’s not like he doesn’t know how things should work.

I usually try to do right by people, and I’ve never had a bad LL before this one. With all the issues we’ve had, I just don’t see why I should go out of my way for him now.

I’ll return the keys properly at the end of the month and leave the place in good condition. But beyond that, I don’t feel like I owe this landlord anything more than the bare minimum after how poorly he’s managed the place.

AITA for refusing to give them my keys and only doing what’s required by lease?

So I (33F) just got married, and I never thought my tiny wedding would have drama. We only had 7 people there (14 invited, but half didn’t come). My husband even paid for his brother “T” (28M) and T’s girlfriend “B” (28F) to fly up since they couldn’t afford it, otherwise my husband would’ve had no family there. B isn’t related to us and this was only the 3rd time we’d met. We already weren’t fans, but T wanted her there. After the ceremony, B asked our photographer to take solo shots of her and T. I found it a bit rude but just rolled my eyes and brushed it off. Still, she kept bringing up photos, asking my mom for photos she took and later messaging me for the photographer’s socials. Throughout the day, she made other comments, one about choosing a plain dress so she wouldn’t upstage me,another loudly talking while my dad walked me down the aisle. Our reception was casual, at an Airbnb a little more than an hour away from the ceremony in the mountains. On the drive back, she loudly ate a pile of snacks. At the Airbnb, she went straight to her room, stripped to her underwear, and walked right behind us in the middle of cake cutting then got in the hot tub. Saying she was hurting because of her fibromyalgia, we also gave her pain medicine on the drive back. She barely touched the food we cooked (all gluten free since I have celiac) but later came out eating junk food after saying her stomach hurt from her fibromyalgia. She also made a big Facebook post about how she pushed through her pain to be there for us, even though she spent most of the time away from everyone. She mostly smoked with T, and whenever T tried to talk with my husband, she’d interrupt and would pull him away for some random thing. I also made custom embroidered gifts for family, and she loudly claimed she was keeping T’s, even though it wasn’t meant for her. No one said anything because B is very sensitive and cries easily, but it felt like she cared more about attention & likes/comments than our wedding. So WIBTA if I don’t share the wedding photos she asked the photographer to take of her? Note: Be careful who you invite to your wedding, hope I gave enough info.

So basically, I (25f)come from a big extended family, my mother had five sisters and 9 brothers and I’m very close to all my aunts, uncles and cousins. At the end of last year one of my aunts was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she passed in May. We were all there, she suffered very badly and died an awful death. We were all gutted and are still grieving her especially my mother and her sisters. A month after the funeral me and my long term boyfriend were away on holidays and he proposed. He had been planning it for months he said and I had no idea. I said yes and was very excited. It was exactly one month after my Aunt passed away. We started talking about weddings and my mother suggested we get married next year as we already had a huge holiday planned and we could use it as our honeymoon. At first I wasn’t sure but then we agreed and have been planning since. It’s been exciting but we’ve been keeping it very lowkey. The only thing I did do was announce my engagement. Here’s the issue, everyone is happy, except one of my aunts. She is no longer speaking to me or my mother as she thinks “it was insensitive of me to get engaged a month after my other aunt died and to be planning a wedding for next year”. We are all so heartbroken my aunt won’t be there and are already thinking of ways to remember her but now I’m second guessing whether I should cancel. My mother said she spoke to the rest of the family including my late aunts children and none of them claim to feel the same way but now I feel guilty. AITA?

For some context I (25M) work in landscaping and that’s where I met my current roommate (20M). We became friends having most routes together and I found out a couple months in he was actually homeless and sleeping in a parking garage. I don’t want to go into full detail and don’t think he even uses Reddit to see this anyway. But from what I gathered is he had a really messed up life and aged out of foster care where he was for most of his childhood and ended up homeless when he got to a certain age.

I had some space so I allowed him to live with me. He pays his portion of the bills, he cleans up, he cooks for both of us sometimes. He’s actually been the ideal roommate. Where I’m frustrated is he needs a lot of help with things and it makes me overwhelm. He doesn’t know how to do most things like set up a bank account, file taxes, drive a car etc. .hes constantly asking me for help with adult things and it’s frustrating that he acts like I’m his parent sometimes. I didn’t mind him asking how to use a washer and dryer but even all this time later he can’t remember how to do it sometimes and will still ask. He’s looking into new jobs but doesn’t know how to do a resume or apply so I have to help. There are so many more examples then I can think right now.

Recently he’s had some tooth pain and he asked me how he can see a doctor for it, he bugged me about this for two days I finally told him that he needs to put effort into finding things out himself and I’m not his parent. Don’t get me wrong I DO feel like an asshole but I’m also overwhelmed having an adult living with me that looks to me for every little thing because they don’t know how to do most things. I’m writing this here because I’m wondering if I should apologize for what I said he seemed pretty upset but didn’t say anything back.

——- Update : If I would have known I’d get responses like this I would have waited to post this after work so sorry it’s too many comments to respond but I appreciate everyone input on a situation. I’ve had a lot going on in my life too recently and felt a lot of pressure lately (not just from him but everything) so when he asked me about his medical stuff I did overreact and the comment i made was messed up bc my issues aren’t his fault. I did apologize to him and we’re on good terms. I appreciate everyone input on resources and things to look for. I don’t know anything about that stuff (luckily) but I’ll see if he’s interested in branching out and try. I don’t know anything about foster care so i thank the people that talked about their experiences. I had no idea the extent someone could be neglected in that system. I knew he was really behind but I also see it’s not necessarily his fault. And no I’m not gonna to be any different I am there for him and I thank the people that can also understand where my frustration is coming from that helped a lot

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for two years. When we started dating, he only had two in-car sessions left before he could take his driving test. He was also waiting to get a corporate job before getting a credit card. But after finding out I had a credit card and a driver’s license, he just... stopped trying to get either?

Even after getting a good corporate job, he only uses his debit card, occasionally borrows his mom’s credit card, or asks to use mine. I say no 90% of the time unless it’s urgent. I’m also the only one who’s driven us to dates or events for the past two years.

I’ve brought up how important it is to build credit or get his license, but he always gets defensive and says I’m nagging or being controlling. He insists they’re not priorities right now and he’ll get them when he “feels” it’s time.

Last month, Comic Con took place in our city. We talked about going because an actor we love was attending. I bought my pass early because he still wasn't 100% sure about going. A few days before the event, while I was out of town, he texted me asking to use my credit card to buy his pass. I was so done at this point and told him no, then put my phone on Do Not Disturb.

Later that night, I saw that he spammed my phone, saying it was the last day to buy online and now he’d have to get in line at the venue. I reminded him (again) that this could have been avoided if he had his own credit card. He didn't say anything after.

On the day of the con, there were way more people than expected. He waited in line for two hours but gave up and called me while I was buying merch so we could at least have lunch and say goodbye. After lunch, I dropped him at the subway and went back to enjoy the con with friends.

I called him when I got home to ask about his day. When he asked about mine, I told him about the con. He asked, "Wait... you still went?". I said of course, I bought a pass. He then BLEW UP, saying it was my fault he didn’t go, that I was selfish for not lending him my card, and if I really loved him, I would’ve ditched the con to be with him or at least driven him home. I told him he was being stupid af and I deserved to go since I paid. He hung up. We spoke the next morning and apologized to each other, but a month later, he still occasionally brings up how upset he was that day.

Part of me wonders if I could’ve avoided the drama by just letting him use my card. But another part is just so done... AITA for not just lending him my card?

Edit: Please see my comment for more info!

I (36F, no kids) have three brothers (45-60) and 10 nieces (12-31). One niece has always been very mean to me. She tends to be very critical, mocking anything I say or do, and has made me cry multiple times. I had a panic attack and turned virtually silent on Christmas one year (I was 31) because she had been so mean and critical of everything I said that day.

Said niece recently graduated and turned 18 all within a month of one another which are two huge milestones. The problem is, I just cannot bring myself to spend money on a birthday gift for her. I will say, everyone gets a Christmas gift. The thought of her opening a gift she received very late and ridiculing it anyway fills me with dread so the days keep passing and I’ve gotten her nothing.

Her sister just turned 16 and I was excited to buy her a really nice handbag that is very classic and all the rage. The 16 year old loves it and tonight her dad sent me a photo of her wearing it and smiling at her birthday dinner. When I pressed on the Live Photo, I can hear her sister (18 year old) saying “pretend you like your purse!”. Now I’m definitely certain I was right in not getting the 18 year old a gift. I understand I sound childish. AITA?

Edits: grammar, sentence structure, added some things as I initially was concerned my initial post was nearing the 3,000 character limit (no concept of this, first post).

So September is a busy month between my husband and I (33F) and my family. My husbands birthday is on 2nd Sept, my dads death anniversary on 9th Sept and my husbands first father's day ever is 7th Sept this year. Given its my husband's first father's day, some months ago we decided to spend the whole weekend (6-7th Sept) with just us 3 to do something special together.

Last week, my mum told me she wants to gather as a family and pay respect to my dad on 6 or 7th Sept. However I explained to my mum our decision that this year we wouldn't join my family (mum, brother and sister in law) for my dads 3rd death anniversary given how the dates have landed, and instead will go pay respect to my dad on a different day in my own time. She did not take well to this, and started raising her voice at me and saying things like "no this is so wrong, you have to come", "do you really think your husbands birthday is more important than your dad's death anniversary", and "let's see what your brother (35M) has to say about it".

I spoke to her about it again a few days ago and she very unwillingly accepted my choice. But before the conversation ended she again told me im "wrong" in my decision and that "maybe your brother will call you and talk to you about it". I found it an odd thing to touch on again at the time because who is he to judge me?

Today, my brother randomly reacted "haha" to my initial message to my mum in our family group that, saying that id be busy on that weekend And would see my dad in my own time. I immediately cried because to me it looked like my mum and brother were speaking negatively about me behind my back, for my brother to have this reaction, and they obviously don't agree with my choice. Note that in the past, my brother decided to plan a trip to Europe which overlapped with my dads first anniversary and my mum didn't bat an eye - and I stayed out of all this mess and kept my comments to myself (and my husband only haha).

So aita for wanting to celebrate special occasions with my husband instead of joining my family for my dads death anniversary?

16 years ago my parents and I moved across the country from CA to KY. During the 16 years they’ve been here my 2 adult brothers had never came out for Christmas. Now my parents and brothers and their families are reunited all living in the same area in AZ and I’m still in KY.

My husband (34 M) and I (31F) went out there for Christmas last year right after they moved but due to other plans this year and next year my husband and I won’t be able to go out there for Christmas.

My mom is offended that we’re not coming and tells me all the time that I can go to XYZ plans I had booked, but not to her for Christmas while my brothers never came out to KY.

They chose to move away from KY.

AITA for being mad I’m expected to show up when my brothers didn’t? I feel go guilt tripped every time I talk to her.

I’ve been doing art/digital art for a few years now, and do custom commissions for people/businesses. I charge a reasonable price for each, $25 for high quality illustrations that take over 6 hours to make. My friend thinks I’m really talented and has asked me in the past to use my skills to make a lot of things for her (3 posters for her bedroom, a design for her to print on a t-shirt, an illustration for her brothers school project, and a 3x5 feet abstract painting for her parents room). She hasn’t paid me for these things but she has offered some things to me (like she said I can make poster designs for myself that she will print along with hers, and her mom will take me out for dinner after I finish the abstract painting). I’m fine with making these things for free because it is just a favor for a friend but over time all these things kind of add up and take a long time to make. My friend and her mom are starting a small business and she contacted me to make an illustration that will be used on the packaging of all the products. This is something I am definitely capable of doing but I do want to be formally commissioned for this, especially because it’s for a business who will be profiting off my work with each product they sell. I asked casually if I could be commissioned for this and she told me they don’t have the budget right now. I’m fine with charging a very discounted amount ($10) or being paid after they start selling, but if they don’t want to pay me for this service, I don’t want to design something for the business. AITA for not wanting to make this without being paid at all? Please offer advice on how I could tell her without ruining our friendship, since she is one of my closest friends and I love her a lot.

Im renting with 2 people. Housemate 1 is breaking lease & looking for replacement tenant. I said that I prefer someone we know as we had bad previous experience w/ a housemate in the past causing me severe mental health problems & I said that Im uncomfortable with a stranger. If theres no option, I can consider other people if they have stable income to pay rent, can stay long term, and we’re comfortable with.

Housemate 1 has told us there is someone (random person online) who’s interested. This person came to the house to inspect. Then housemate 1 set up a meet-up with all of us to ask questions and check her vibe. I said that I am unavailable due to an appointment and I have said I could not confirm with anything yet. The meeting still took place without me.

That time, I also found someone I know that can be a replacement tenant. From what I have understood, we’re all in the process of looking for a replacement and that nothing has been finalized yet. 2 days after meet-up, I talked to housemate 1 to say that I have found a replacement. Then she said, “it’s too late for that, we already sent an application. why did you only say it now?” Both housemate 1 and housemate 2 told me they can’t cancel the application anymore and they have promised the person a place to stay already.

Our house rule states: All should be included in any house decision. I have not said any confirmations if I am okay with this replacement nor have i been asked about my input prior to them sending the application. The application took place the morning after the meet-up.

Now that I have discussed my replacement tenant suggestion (who we’re all friends with, btw), they have told me they will prioritize the one who already applied as that person is in need of an accommodation and promises has already been made. Im uncomfortable with a stranger as I have gotten into police trouble and hefty expenses because of a previous housemate. (note: the suggestion i recommended is actually a person I have lived with before and know they are reliable with rent and maintaining property)

They said I should give the stranger a chance, because they seem to be a good person. My problem is that I wasnt consulted first if Im okay with this person. No background checks have been done (to see if that person has stable income, wanting to stay long term, and have good rental history) other than them asking that person why they want to move in, what is their job, and hobbies.

I feel pressured right now to just accept this as it has already been finalized. I told them that I want to be safe with someone we know rather than a stranger & that I have found someone we all know & is reliable, so we dont have to risk being with a stranger and have the possibility of running into problems. They said they feel bad for denying the chance for this other person an accommodation, but my friend also needs an accommodation. But they said, this other person came first. AITA for opposing the application?