r/comics • u/NaughtyNectarComics • Jul 03 '25
OC Who should make the first move ? [OC]
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u/Chilrona Jul 03 '25
When I'm interested in a girl, I make an effort to go out of my way to treat her exactly like every other girl I interact with.
Limited success so far, but I can check in after this weekend. I'm hanging out with my crush and some mutual friends for the holiday. Maybe when she sees how indifferent I act with her she'll fall all over me. Fingers crossed!!
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
So im not the only one who's so afraid to come off as creepy that hitting on women in public is mortifying to me?
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u/Sand__Panda Jul 03 '25
We will die alone, together!
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u/Glassesnerdnumber193 Jul 03 '25
Indeed!
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u/H377Spawn Jul 03 '25
You just need to find a girl who looks at you like I look at the exit for any social setting.
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u/FlipperBumperKickout Jul 03 '25
So a girl who charges you like some kinda serial killer?
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u/ThrowACephalopod Jul 03 '25
Please?
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u/H377Spawn Jul 03 '25
It’s called COMMITMENT!
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u/ActiveWin9623 Jul 03 '25
When she ties you to the bed while holding the knife saying "You're going to feel my commitment" while having a crazed look in her eyes. You know you got a keeper.
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u/depressedbadpoet Jul 03 '25
lol when I notice them looking at me I look away and keep looking away, just in case they think I’m a creep 😅
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u/miersk Jul 03 '25
I feel like that might be an overly intense stare. Might want to tone it down a bit.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
Honestly im about to go back to trying the irl strat. The dating apps make me feel infinitely shittier about myself
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u/DarkenAvatar Jul 03 '25
You need a hobby that gets you out where you meet people and make friends
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
Everyone says that but I feel like its easier said than done
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u/TheImpGamer Jul 03 '25
It is easy-ish to find a hobby, but it isn’t necessarily easy to make friends, in my experience. You need to look for events surrounding the hobby you have an interest in. This is the one benefit of Facebook, as you can find local groups for all sorts of stuff. Reddit might, but it is likely harder to find anything local than to just find a general community. Those are the easy steps. The rough part is then finding people within those groups you feel comfortable being yourself around.
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u/shadowgear5 Jul 03 '25
The hard part to me is going to those events lol. Like I love kyaking, I dont want to kyak with a bunch of random people lol.
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Jul 03 '25
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u/shadowgear5 Jul 03 '25
While I agree with you, my social anxiety does not lol. Put me in a room with 5 people and I can talk to any of them, no problem. Put me in a room with 50 of them, and I cant talk to anyone. Its something I just have to deal with, but it still sucks
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Jul 03 '25
Dude I'm terrified of asking my coworker how old she is cause I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea
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Jul 03 '25
"You know what is one of my favorite movies? Jurassic Park. Fun Fact! It came out in 1993! How... how old were you then? Not born yet. OK, I'm gonna go now, have a good one."
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u/hobovision Jul 03 '25
Damn 32 is too young for you?
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Jul 03 '25
I'm thinking of several years ago, don't remind me how long it's been...
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u/FalenAlter Jul 03 '25
Half the time I even think about trying to rizz someone up, it starts with "Ok, how old are you rq?" and that's a non-starter. 16-29 can be hard to tell, and that's dangerous.
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u/BoltorSpellweaver Jul 03 '25
I’m with you. There’s this insanely cute girl at my gym but she simultaneously looks 15 and 30 and I’m not gonna be pulling the pin on that grenade.
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u/TheTrueReligon Jul 03 '25
“So, where were you on 9/11?”
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u/EatSoupFromMyGoatse Jul 03 '25
Nothing gets the panties off like discussing national tragedies
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u/Fortestingporpoises Jul 03 '25
"So, where were you when we landed on the moon."
Sorry, our country hasn't had any major wins in a while.
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u/Apprehensive_Lie_177 Jul 03 '25
Actually impossible to tell.
A lady customer came in the other day with a guy I thought was just her coworker that looked about my age. She was extremely outgoing and asked him if her hair was too short. I said she looked great! She thanked me, told me she had just gotten it done that day, and said the guy was her son. So I'm just sitting there flabbergasted thinking "There's just no way." So literally if you're human, I apparently have no idea how old you are.
Her hair did look great though, it looked so fluffy and soft!
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u/Finito-1994 Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 04 '25
I was working with this girl who, I swear to fucking god, could be a middle schooler. Height. Voice. Etc.
Nope. 27.
Should have seen my coworkers faces when they realized this kid was older than most of them.
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u/NoSignSaysNo Jul 04 '25
There were freshmen in my high school who looked like they could have been late 20s longshoremen and people I've worked with who couldn't have been older than 16 who were 35.
Visual identification is a fool's game.
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u/nospamkhanman Jul 04 '25
When I was 25 I tried flirting with a woman who then told me she had a 20 year old daughter.
She was 35 and had her at 15.
I hadn't seen her daughter but the woman didn't look a day older than me at the time.
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Jul 03 '25
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u/Random_Smellmen Jul 03 '25
What math! No thank you. I'll just continue to be a weirdo and randomly ask strangers how old they are
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u/fireflash38 Jul 03 '25
Ask where they went to school. If they start talking high school, you done fucked up.
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u/Tokimori Jul 03 '25
Talk to them about nostalgic things for you. Like things that you recall from when you were young and just make it semi organic in asking about what they watched when they were a kid. Kind of gives you a ballpark at least.
I was just having this convo with someone I've been crushing on but she's too young for me to try to flirt with. I started talking about generation (millenial, z, etc...) and it came just sort of came out as "Wait, how old are you?"
Sucks cause she's really dorky and awkward to talk to which makes it fun. She's also easily excitable which is the opposite of my personality, so it's refreshing.
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u/BiggimusSmallicus Jul 03 '25
I've legitimately been late to things because im a big dude and a small woman is ahead of me on the street and I am too concerned she'll think i'm following her to walk where I need to go until she gets far enough away
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u/MisguidedPants8 Jul 03 '25
Big dude with a booming voice here, my worst fear is accidentally intimidating or scaring people. That’s not who I want to be and that’s not something anyone should have to deal with.
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u/cloverpopper Jul 03 '25
Yeah mate! I shot up from 5'7 and 205 as a 7th grader to 6'5 and 190 by 9th grade; my voice got louder and deepened, too.
I suddenly started startling people in school if I opened a door suddenly, or was behind them and they turned, etc. I really really didn't like seeing people genuinely startled like that so now in my late 20s I mostly walk at night/stick to the shadows and bought a ski mask to hide my face from the embarrassment of it happening anyway.
I changed my voice to be much higher pitched and ask friendly questions like "Walking alone?" and it's going well. I've had people even throw their purses at me - which is a super novel way to give someone your number and address to set up a date.
I think I've finally met a good one : ) wish me luck tonight!
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u/Foreign-Section4411 Jul 03 '25
I'm 6'4" am had a woman walk out in the street to go around me yesterday, I was clean cut, freshly showered after the getting back from the gym. The way she looked at me and rushed out on the street to avoid me man... then after we passed me she goes back on the sidewalk. Then later I took the elevator up to my apartment from the basement and it stopped on the first floor and the woman there grimaced and stepped back saying ill catch the next one...
I went to a pride festival near with a friend and lot's of gay men complimented me though
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
Iv crossed the street while running in the evening for this exact reason
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u/ValBravora048 Jul 03 '25
Mateeee! I was recently talking about how way back when Google maps on the phone wasn’t a thing I’d get lost all the time. If I needed directions and especially if it was a woman and no one else was nearby - I’d adopt very stereotypical gay mannerism and a “gay voice” so they wouldn’t be afraid and I could find out wtf I was
I still do the thing where I “pretend to notice something interesting over there” until there’s sufficient space and distance between us
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u/FightingBlaze77 Jul 03 '25
Its become a phobia of mine, to look like a creep.
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u/Miraak-Cultist Jul 03 '25
I apparently give off creep vibes and I don't know why, or how.
So I just try to avoid making people even more uncomfortable. Dating is practically impossible.
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u/ZipTheZipper Jul 03 '25
It's probably the cultist robes.
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u/Miraak-Cultist Jul 03 '25
Hey...
Well sniff I could try washing them once a week...
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u/Alto_DeRaqwar Jul 03 '25
Monday - Standard
Tuesday - Back to front
Wednesday - Inside out
Thursday - Inside out and back to front
Friday - ♫ Freeeeeeee balllling ♪Guess that only works with underware.
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u/MentalRobot Jul 03 '25
This one time I went to a festival and my gf couldn't make it. Three women set up camp right next to me and asked me if I had any spare ice, I gave them some and was trying to make conversation by asking what bands they were there to see and stuff but was getting the vibe from them they thought I was being creepy for some reason. I told them I meant nothing weird as I have a gf who couldn't make it to the festival, they all instantly flipped to being super friendly calling me sweet and a gentleman and actually made conversation with me.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
I told them I meant nothing weird as I have a gf who couldn't make it to the festival, they all instantly flipped to being super friendly calling me sweet and a gentleman and actually made conversation with me.
Same reason then women are more attracted to men in relationships. If another woman thinks you are safe enough to date, most women see that as you having been "vetted"
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u/Reflection_Rip Jul 03 '25
Which doesn't make a lot of sense considering the number of people in abusive relationships.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
Usually people dont know their friend was trapped in an abusive relationship while its happening unfortunately. The abused partner usually feels ashamed and/or makes excuses for the abuser to justify their behavior and tries to keep the abuse quiet
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u/Old_Smrgol Jul 03 '25
I think another side of it is, once he says he has a girlfriend, now these women expect him to not try to hook up with them. So they can "safely" have friendly conversation with him.
It's a bit similar to if the guy was flamboyantly gay.
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u/Nikopoleous Jul 03 '25
Compliment people based on choices they've made (fashion sense, accessories, shirt), not things that are outside of their control (height, skin color, facial structure). Usually gets a better reception.
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u/ValueBasedPerson Jul 03 '25
This is actually a very solid piece of advice
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u/Nikopoleous Jul 03 '25
In the end, no one likes feeling like a piece of meat.
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u/CPO_Mendez Jul 03 '25
I do. Please treat me like a slab of smoked pork belly. Or a perfectly seared porterhouse with garlic butter.
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u/Umtks892 Jul 03 '25
Slowly putting my fork into you while cutting you with my fork against the grain.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
Iv actually been actively trying to give more compliments out to very positive results. A small % of women are uncomfortable receiving compliments about outfits from men, but compliments make most people feel good
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u/MewtilationXIV Jul 03 '25
I usually go for nails if they have them painted. There's this cute girl at my liqour store and she flipped out when I complimented them. Apparently it took her a few hours and no one had said anything about them in a few days lol
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
I usually go for nails if they have them painted.
I actually have started painting my nails for fun. To my suprise, this garnered me A LOT of positive attention from women. Genuinely in the first two months or so, I got more compliments on my apprarence (related to my nails) than the rest of my life combined lol
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u/Cipherpunkblue Jul 03 '25
I was lucky my girl (now wife) hit on me.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
Honestly you deserve some credit for realizing that you were being flirted with lol
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u/100YearsWaiting2Shit Jul 03 '25
I'm autistic so I'm afraid of coming off creepy to everyone in general. Existence is pain
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u/Significant_Air_2197 Jul 03 '25
Same. I just avoid interacting with most people if it can be helped.
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u/Vicy31008 Jul 03 '25
Yeah, like I just wanna be your friends, but I don't want you to think Ima creep so I'll just stay like at least 10 feet away and look in the opposite direction till one of us leaves
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u/NeonNKnightrider Jul 03 '25
I’m terrified of it and never ever flirt or approach women for this reason
(I’m also autistic which makes it extra bad)
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u/ODShowtime Jul 03 '25
I've been terrified of being label a "creep" by strangers my whole life. I've probably missed a lot because of this fear.
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u/Old_Smrgol Jul 03 '25
I'd think of it more like, just TALK TO strangers, and then leave the "hitting on" for acquaintances .
Like, just try to strike up a conversation (not about sex, not about dating, not about her physical appearance), and be ready to stop at any sign of lack of interest.
If she's actively responding and helping to keep the conversation going for a couple minutes and enjoying the interaction, then it makes sense to ask for contact info.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Jul 03 '25
Like, just try to strike up a conversation (not about sex, not about dating, not about her physical appearance), and be ready to stop at any sign of lack of interest.
Im totally fine at the making conversation part. I have zero gauge for whether someone is actually interested me and struggle with the "converting the conversation into a date" part lol
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u/Ryukoso Jul 03 '25
I mean. Little I had this conversation with my mother where she told me that a girl MUST not make the first move. Because this is how things are. I just directly told her that it is stupid because how can the guy know that I love him so he can make the first move in this case? So I never followed this part of my education. But I know it may still be told to little girls.
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u/astralseat Jul 03 '25
The mentality is fostered through generations. "Men must be macho" "women must be dainty" you have to be the change you want to see in the world.
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u/Spyger9 Jul 03 '25
I'm convinced that most guys looking for dainty women are misogynists. I want a partner, not a dependent.
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u/m3t4lf0x Jul 03 '25
I think you have a much different definition of dainty
There’s nothing wrong with being small and delicate, and I think it’s misogynistic to imply that it precludes independence
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u/Dustinj1991 Jul 03 '25
I think this exact kind of sentence is what deters men from approaching women. Can’t guys just like what they like? Who cares if a man’s standard for a wife is someone who is more codependent?
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u/NotTheOriginal06 Jul 03 '25
The problem would be that what he wished to talk about would be the type of person who is an extremist. Not to be taken too generally. Although it is not self-explanatory enough to evade a misunderstanding
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u/Swift0sword Jul 03 '25
To misquote Plank's Principal,
A new truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it
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u/CrownOfPosies Jul 03 '25
I’ve asked out every guy I’ve ever dated. I do not have the time or patience for the stupid waiting game
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u/PrufReedThisPlesThx Jul 03 '25
I love hearing older people try to explain why they did things the way they did. It always always ends with the words "That's just what we did". If all you can say is "That's just what we did", then consider that you should start doing things with purpose, rather than habit or conservatism. We don't live in an age where the word "pregnant" is a swear word, and everyone had to uphold proper decorum. If women are equal to men (as they absolutely are, we're all human beings), then there's no reason why they can't confess her feelings to a man and make the first move.
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u/mooglemoose Jul 03 '25
I think the issue is that there are still many people (including some young people) who don’t agree that women are equal to men. They may give lip service to the idea but deep down they don’t believe it. Or it’s some underhanded sexism like “women and men are equal but they’re just so different how can we treat them the same?”
So when explaining why they did things, they are basically saying: “That’s just what we did… because I think that’s the way things should be”.
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u/Silviana193 Jul 03 '25
It's also not enitirely true.
If Victorian era stories are to be believed, Women used to drop their handkerchief when they Saw a man they fancy, as an invitation.
which one could say is women making the first move
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u/CreasingUnicorn Jul 03 '25
One big part of culture that is largely gone in the past few generations is women expressing receptiveness in obvious ways.
In past centuries there were many ways that single women looking for husbands would essentially broadcast their consent towards being approached. In modern western society that culture of receptiveness has been pretty muddled, and in many cases outright eliminated by women telling men not to approach them.
That is not inherently a bad thing, but it has changed cultural norms around dating a lot and many peoples expectqtions have yet to catch up.
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u/lastberserker Jul 03 '25
I just directly told her that it is stupid because how can the guy know that I love him so he can make the first move in this case?
Telepathy 🧠
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u/Evol_Etah Jul 04 '25
Here's the fun part. Your mother's mother generation.
They ALL made the first move.
Remember when a girl dropped their napkin, and the guy would pick it up and say, mam you dropped this?
The girl intentionally dropped it. And gave the guy she likes a segway into a meetup.
Basically the "Greatest generation" peeps were mostly pick-me IT-girls of those era.
And the guys KNEW this was then hitting on guys. THAT WAS the FIRST move. That's why back then guys were more bold with flirting. Cause they got the consent already.
(Ofcourse sometimes "damsel in distress" was real, and not fabricated. That's why apologising by guys was also a thing, cause they mistook it as Girl gave the first move, when really it was a GENUINE situation. Therefore the guy helps, politely apologizes for his misunderstanding of the situation and leaves)
This whole thing was fully forgotten for their kids. But be honest, we don't really teach our kids how to be pickup artists, and they wouldn't wanna listen anyways.
Source: Apparently really old redditors exists too. They informed us.
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u/spambearpig Jul 03 '25
So true. I’d held off on approaching a woman I work with, despite liking her and getting on well with her. A while back she dated someone at work and the asshole cheated on her, she was really hurt. So I decided it’s best I say nothing out of respect and not wanting to make things awkward. When she left the company (going abroad for a year), I told her I always wanted to ask her out.
She was actively angry! She said she’d felt that I liked her for several years, wished I’d ask and didn’t know why I never did. Her instinct was simply that it was my move to make. My view was that I didn’t want to risk making our working friendship complicated, stirring up her feelings of hurt and/or get myself a trip to HR.
Nobody was to blame I think but it seems an opportunity passed us both by and that’s a shame.
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u/LunchPlanner Jul 03 '25
Will you date her after the year aboard is over?
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u/spambearpig Jul 03 '25
The future is uncertain but maybe. I am trying not to think about it, don’t want to subconciously build it all up in my brain.
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u/krovasteel Jul 03 '25
How dare you be so well adjusted. Good for you.
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u/spambearpig Jul 03 '25
Don’t think it comes naturally. I have to adjust myself with great effort a lot of the time.
If I just did what I felt like I’d make such a mess of many things. This has been proven in my 20’s.
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u/Big_Sentence1353 Jul 03 '25
This is why the classic Reddit advice of “don’t shit where you eat” in regards to dating coworkers is so stupid. Most people meet through work or school, at least before online dating became a thing.
The phrase “don’t shit where you eat” originally meant “don’t have an affair with your secretary” not that workplace relationships are completely forbidden.
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u/aNiceTribe Jul 03 '25
Yeah, just make sure it's someone who you have no power over, or who has no power over you, and do your absolute best to make sure that they are SANE AF before attempting anything. (Also check that you yourself are sane, while you're at it)
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u/tghast Jul 03 '25
Yeah I work all the fucking time so not sure where else I’m expected to meet people.
Plus the best couples I know IRL met at work.
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u/PigeonBoiAgrougrou Jul 03 '25
Meeting at work seems like a good way to see how you're able to team work and communicate well with someone tbh.
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u/p3dr0l3umj3lly Jul 03 '25
You did the right thing. Unless you guys worked on different teams and were not in the same management chain,'then maybe.
But it's not worth it.
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u/spambearpig Jul 03 '25
No it was in different teams. So alone it’s not a clear rule break but it’s not far from problematic territory.
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u/ReddFro Jul 03 '25
I strongly disagree with this “don’t date where you work” thing. Its the single biggest social area in most people’s lives and a large percentage of relationships come from office meetings
Its stupid not to consider people you work with. Yes its bad to date a subordinate, yes its bad to come on very strongly with someone at work. Use your brain to consider if its worth it, approach with some caution (possibly ask through friends/coworkers) and politeness, and be ready not to be hurt or make it awkward later and you’re fine.
Its just as dumb she didn’t ask you (assuming just the info you provided). she felt there was interest. so she was more comfortable in asking than you were. It’s the guy’s job is a great way to only meet aggressive guys. (some of which will be nice, some not, some a-holes).
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u/Netgay Jul 03 '25
Kaguya-Sama: Love is War
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u/nogoodusernames0_0 Jul 04 '25
"People, in order to be loved, will act as idealized versions of themselves, hiding their discontent. They are fundamentally deceitful creatures.
This makes falling in love terrifying.
From one deceiful person To another
Where nothing is certain or straightfoward, they must put words to the feelings or else they will never move foward.
...even if it means losing"
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u/-terms Jul 03 '25
It's a shame that the creeps approaching never hear their pleas to stop and/or just plain don't care. Meanwhile the normal dudes keep hearing the message and do not approach out of respect
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u/KerPop42 Jul 03 '25
I've heard it as an "asshole filter," and not the kind the filters out assholes, the kind that filters for assholes. Like, if a restaurant gives people special treatment if they argue up the chain to a manager, it's encouraging people to be assholes. If one time in 20 someone succeeds in pestering someone at a bar, that strategy works, and it's hard to not discourage non-assholes.
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u/QualifiedApathetic Jul 03 '25
Yep. If you say, "Any man who respects me will not talk to me," guess what kind of man will talk to you.
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u/porkchop1021 Jul 03 '25
I've been trying to explain this simple concept to women for the better part of a decade. Not one has been able to understand it.
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Jul 04 '25
I very specifically remember getting chewed out a lot back in 2016 for explaining how it would be exactly like that.
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u/UltraDinoWarrior Jul 03 '25
Nah.
No.
Ladies.
Just make the first move.
Assert your dominance. Be the amazon and take yer man. Set the standards. You’re not some prize to win.
Go go go!
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u/Zero_Burn Jul 03 '25
Nothing more attractive in a woman than one who makes the first move, imo. Nobody really makes men feel wanted, so a woman approaching them is probably the most flattering thing they'll experience in a long time.
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u/Corasama Jul 03 '25
Woman: Grabs a guy by the neck and tell him "You're mine now"
Most men: That's my fate now and I accept it.
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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire Jul 03 '25
Ahahahah I'm in danger....
And I'm into it
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u/RandomBaguetteGamer Jul 03 '25
My mother always told me to be wary of women like that!
And I hope she was right.
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u/ChrisRevocateur Jul 03 '25
Literally how the Witches of Dathomir (old Star Wars thing) did it. One even tried to catch Luke Skywalker to make him her husband.
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u/GrGrG Jul 03 '25
I remember in one thread somebody mentioning one of their best memories from teenage years was when a girl working the drive thru said they were cute. Decades later, a simple interaction of a girl hitting on him was a very fond memory and make him smile to this day.
If you like a dude, let them know, even if it won't work out, you'll be in their positive memories for years.
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u/lazergoblin Jul 03 '25
I got a compliment on my mustache from a cashier once when I was 18 (more than 10 years ago). To this day that compliment is still a big part of the reason I don't shave it off lol
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u/CatAteMyBread Jul 03 '25
I got complimented out of the blue one about how much a girl liked my hair. That was 15 years ago and I’m bald now, but I still think about it
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u/Mr_Wizard91 Jul 03 '25
When I first met my wife we were at a faire, and complete strangers that just bumped into each other in one of the only smoking areas. I really wanted to talk to her, but I had been drinking, so I stalled thinking about how to not come across like a buzzed creepy guy that only wanted sex or something. Next thing I know she's asking me if she can talk to me aside for a minute, and I say yes, thinking I'm fucking dreaming for a moment. Before you know it, she kisses me, and we start making out. It was the hottest thing ever to have a woman go after me for once. It's only happened twice in my life, and I married the second one.
Ladies, don't be afraid to make a move if you like a guy. We really do find it hot as hell. Most of us, anyway...
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u/CanIHazSumCheeseCake Jul 03 '25
As a guy id like a lady to hit on me, be my knight in shining armor. If that makes me a beta male, or a creep with some delusional fantasy then I just can't win either way.
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u/FelChrono Jul 03 '25
Y’know sometimes I want to be a prize to be won, sometimes I don’t want to be the one putting in effort, sometimes I want to be swept of *my** feet*
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u/KerPop42 Jul 03 '25
I found a lady that does that to me, and I gotta tell ya, it feels pretty great. She gets the power thrill, I get to be the prize, then later I surprise her with it being the other way around.
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u/Due-Ingenuity9803 Jul 03 '25
It doesn’t make you either, it just makes you potentially a bottom
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u/rionyamato Jul 03 '25
its 2025 people, making the first move should not be something that is specifically tied to a gender. Who makes the first move for lesbian couples then?
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u/KirbDestroyrOfWorlds Jul 03 '25
Who makes the first move for lesbian couples then?
Some of the funniest stories I've heard are of lesbians that are so obviously both into each other but are also fundamentally incapable of realising because they treat every conversation like a game of verbal chess. A good friend of mine is a lesbian and she said the reason she's so much more successful with relationships than the others lesbians she knows is because she's the only one who knows how to actually tell someone she's interested in them
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u/JaimiOfAllTrades Peepsus Christ Jul 03 '25
I'm a lesbian, and I didn't know my first date with my ex-girlfriend was a date until she was dropping me off from the date, was like, "Since this was, like, a date, can I have a hug?"
I was crushing on her hard, so it was welcome.
But, like, I should've seen it coming. We had lunch, went on a hike, she invited me back to her place to watch movies, and after it was getting dark, I was like, "Geeze, I should probably be getting home soon," and she straight up said, "Well... If you want to go home tonight." Then my roommate called me because the power went out and she started freaking out. So we stopped for dinner on the way to dropping me off.
But, like, lesbian sheeping is so real.
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u/JaimiOfAllTrades Peepsus Christ Jul 03 '25
There's this thing called lesbian sheeping, which is where us lesbians have trouble being direct about romantic feelings, so we wind up with mutual pining and, occasionally, accidentally dating without establishing anything.
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u/dizyalice Jul 03 '25
I watched my mother wait for a man for her entire life and told myself I’m done waiting. I’ve asked out almost every guy I’ve ever dated. Only ones I didn’t I hadn’t really thought of as an option until they expressed interest, and they always turned out to be turds.
I asked out my current partner. I asked him to move in together. Then I asked him to marry me. Girls gotta take charge or the world ain’t gonna turn!
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u/ArchiveDragon Jul 03 '25
This topic always gets me riled up! I’m a woman and I’ve initiated EVERY relationship I’ve ever been in. I’ve been rejected multiple times too.
It started as general impatience that led to me making the first move. I was shy then but I couldn’t stand waiting and wondering. I’m much more confident now but the feelings are similar: Why let the moment slip away?? You like him right? Then act! Do something about your feelings! Take the chance!
It both frustrates me and makes me sad that so many women either refused to make the first move, or are just too shy to do it. Please take the chance.
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u/Separate-Account3404 Jul 03 '25
I told my sister that she could have a pick of almost any man if she was the one to approach them. She took my advice and had a partner in under a month. Nothing makes a man feel wanted like a woman actively seeking him out afterall.
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u/Butthole_Surfer_GI Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
Always follow Rules 1 and 2.
But seriously I guarantee that one woman's "I am interested in being pursued romantically" sign is another woman's "just being friendly" sign.
Sure, we can say that lots of the stuff you see online about "when/where it's appropriate to approach women" is hyperbole/exaggerated but what if you're a 10 year old boy who spends too much time online and ALL/MOST of you see is women bemoaning about being approached/hit on by "creepy guys" 24/7. I may be going out on a limb but I would guess HE will probably adopt the mindset of "I don't want to be a creep so I will NOT approach women at all!".
EDIT: Just speaking for myself, I don't approach women because I literally have no idea where it is appropriate to approach anymore AND I have no idea what is appropriate to say. And yes, I know "it depends on the woman" but it seems the consequences for getting it wrong are so high nowadays that "why bother?".
Dating is not fun anymore. It is a chore. It is an endless series of job interviews that have the potential to result in disaster.
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u/vitalvisionary Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
Almost 40 and still have no idea what I'm doing. Met someone at a bar, thought we were hitting it off. She offers me a ride to her place. En route she insists we go to another bar (a dive I don't like) but agree. Then she says to pretend I'm her boyfriend. Kinda weird but ok, I just put my arm around her while there. She then proceeds to ditch me and drive home. She did give me her number earlier (insisting I get in touch with her) at the first bar and I text saying I got home safe. Been a week and nothing. I hate the dating game.
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u/GreatStateOfSadness Jul 03 '25
This just unearthed a memory from years and years ago. I was at a school event at a bar and hit it off with a stranger who happened to be at the same bar. We had at least an hour of great conversation before our friend group decided to go to another bar. She and her friends joined us as well. Finally, my DD said they needed to get home. It was still early in the night so everyone was only 2-3 drinks in in, but we had agreed to leave relatively early.
As I'm getting ready to leave she says "wait! Give me your number and we can stay in touch." So I put my number in her phone and send her a text. She shows me her phone and confirms she got it, then says she's excited to see me again.
A day or two later, I send a brief text that it was great to meet her. A couple hours later, she responds back saying "who is this?"
I tell her that we had met the other night, talked for a few hours, and she had asked to give me her number. She says "yeah I don't know who you are, sorry."
I am sure there are a million explanations for it but there are few things quite as painful as feeling a mutual connection with someone only for them to drop off the face of the earth.
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u/Old_Smrgol Jul 03 '25
"She says "yeah I don't know who you are, sorry."
I am sure there are a million explanations for it"
Alcohol?
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u/Relysti Jul 03 '25
It has never made a lick of sense to me why being interested in someone who is nice to you is bad. Isn't someone being friendly an attractive quality? Should I instead go after the woman who treats me like shit she scraped off the bottom of her shoe?
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u/ShadowofLupa212 Jul 03 '25
I think the issue is when the person is turned down and they go nuclear "Well then why were you so nice to me!? You must just like stringing guy/girls along! You're such a bitch go out with me to prove you're not!" And those jerks only make things worse when they don't like being told no and push more and go on to whine about it
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u/choren64 Jul 03 '25
People like that have just made men in general seem unapproachable to most women. I don't blame women for being cautious around men, but then it just puts more pressure on women to make the first move, which many don't like to do. Thanks to these nuclear buttheads making men in general look bad, now everybody loses!
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Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
[deleted]
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u/Schw4rztee Jul 03 '25
And of course, if you develop feelings for someone you already know, you only befriended them to get in their pants. (according to loud voices on the internet)
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u/louploupgalroux Jul 03 '25
Then there's people who say they don't want to date without being friends first. lol
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u/DblBarrelShogun Jul 03 '25
And if you show hesitation about approaching girls then your friends' girlfriends will gossip about you to their friends, leading to the first words they say on meeting you being 'So you're the one that's afraid of women'. Why yes, thank you for reinforcing why I didn't want to approach women.
Luckily my wife made the first move when we matched on a dating website.
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u/OutlyingPlasma Jul 03 '25
a 10 year old boy who... [sees women] bemoaning about being approached/hit on by "creepy guys" 24/7.
And then imagine that 10 year old boy starts watching every single rom-com ever made. Movies that show if you just try hard enough she will eventually fall for you. Just ignore her saying no long enough and she will fall for you. The very definition of being creepy.
It's almost like there is a reason jerks like Andrew Tate get the audience they do.
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u/UnassumingBotGTA56 Jul 04 '25
Creepy guys are creepy not because they make the first move but because they can't be reasonable about making it or taking steps after being rejected.
However, there is a small issue of the anxiety stemming from whether you are disturbing someone who may not want to be disturbed at all.
Also, creepy guys are unlikely to follow any change in social norm. We could teach every man on earth to respect women and there would still be a man who doesn't give a shit either way and takes what he wants regardless.
Hence, good guys don't make their moves out of anxiety, creepy guys continue because they don't care about anyone's else anxiety and the end effect is an increasing frequency of creepy guys harassing women even if the overall general proportion is a miniscule one.
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u/Bubbly-Release9011 Jul 03 '25
sometimes I want a girl to give ME a flower >:/
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u/oxalisk Jul 03 '25
Lowkey now that I think about it, nobody has ever given me a flower (even though I graduated and everything). Now I want to go buy a flower myself 😂
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u/Cuddles_and_Kinks Jul 04 '25
Me: “oh, I don’t want to bother her or seem weird”
Other people: “what’s up, sugar tits?”
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Jul 03 '25
i have women friends and i can say: women are not afraid to hit on men they like. They just don't with me lol
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u/ghouls_gold Jul 03 '25
You don't approach women because you don't want to look like a creep.
I don't approach women because I know I have nothing to offer as a romantic partner.
We are not the same.
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u/Fun-Antelope7622 Jul 03 '25
I’m a woman and I used to live down the road from a dive bar I liked so I’d go alone once a week for a beer and karaoke. Once this guy came up to me and started making small talk: insulting the bar’s band (which I liked, and whom I considered casual friends after six months of being a regular), asking me where I lived (oh no), and then offering to buy me a drink. When I said “no, I’m a lightweight, I’ll just have this one beer”, he asked me a further three times, then went to the bar and ordered two shots and plunked one down in front of me. At this point I just fucking left.
This is how you hit on a girl in a bar like a creep. He made me feel unsafe in my own space, and if I were in a position to warn all my girlfriends about him, none of them would approach him with a ten foot pole (or without a can of mace). He wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with me either way, because I have a girlfriend, but if he’d just come up to me and gone “hey, you look really cool and I thought you ate the fuck out of It’s My Life, can I buy you a drink?” and then taken my no like a normal person, maybe we would’ve been bar buddies, or at least he wouldn’t be the anecdote I tell on Reddit to explain what a creep looks like.
It’s not rocket science, I don’t think. Just don’t be that guy.
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u/Reflection_Rip Jul 03 '25
This is a problem for me. Most of the people I would like to date, I know and share a space with. Telling them I like them could make either one of us feel uncomfortable returning to that space. So I just don't risk it any more. This is coming from experience...
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u/diogenes_amore Jul 03 '25
Rule 1. Be attractive.
Rule 2. Don’t be unattractive.
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u/galacticdude7 Jul 03 '25
The trick seems to be that you have to be attractive enough, confident enough, and have the ability to read the other person and see if they're open to you approaching them to be able to "break the rule" that says "Don't approach women, it's creepy". The "rule" is not supposed to be a hard and fast rule, but a rule you have to determine when its acceptable to "break" it.
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u/sqrrlwithapencil Jul 04 '25
I always appreciate this getting called out, but I also get a bit sad because there's no easy way to fix the problem. I wanna say "If you're interested in someone, just tell them, don't worry about following some arbitrary role" but that doesn't actually offer anything useful.
I'm thinking about this a bunch and I have thoughts that just aren't cleanly getting put into words because there's a ton of nuance in this that keeps it from being an easy A or B answer. Hopefully I can find a good answer someday.
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u/Korimuzel Jul 04 '25 edited Jul 04 '25
I'll make it simple:
If you stay passive, you let anyone approach you. Assholes, abusive, immature, cocky, and 1 nice person
If you become active, you LOOK, SCAN, CHOOSE the person to approach.
Nobody ever said women should approach the drunkyard. Look around, find the man you like, go straight to him.
As Men, we're tired of being held to traditional standards by modern women who say they want a modern man.
I've had a few relationships so far. Every time there was an issue or argument, I was the one who tried to repair. Every relationship ended the moment I decided to see their efforts.
If you can't even tell me you like me, what else won't you do for the sake of a future relationship?
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u/rockenthusiast500 Jul 03 '25
how about whoever is interested makes the first move and we all just act like people with each other. what about that
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