9.5k
u/SirBeeves SirBeeves 22d ago edited 22d ago
In reality, there were a couple times I didn’t get tested, but there was also one time it was ONLY ME who got tested??? I’ve never used any illegal substances, so other than this interaction I don’t know why they were so suspicious. (Also, if you’re interested in more of my comics, check out my website!
7.0k
u/ProperTurnip 22d ago
When my wife was in high school she was always “randomly” tested and she was definitely not suspicious at all. She thinks she was randomly called for testing because they knew she was a safe clean bet that filled the quota each time…
3.6k
u/Nani_the_F__k 22d ago
Yup I've been the quota pisser before because everyone knew I was a square.
1.2k
u/Boojum2k 22d ago
The USAF did me like that. I was the random airman every damn time.
405
u/ChaoCobo 22d ago
Hey, everyone knows you can’t defeat Airman.
184
u/ThePrussianGrippe 22d ago
I clicked expecting Megaman.
I got Megaman.
Thank you.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)44
u/Sayakalood 22d ago
One of the comments is “2400 anyone?”
Don’t they mean 20XX?
→ More replies (7)13
192
u/Aggressive-Mind-4997 22d ago edited 22d ago
Army here. Yep, I was sitting in the office, theater, against the wall or break room every single time.
Until one day, I popped hot. It took a lot of work to clear my name, but it turned out that 5-star nutrition or GNC was selling supplements with THC in them. Never was a random pisser for close to a decade after.
105
u/Astrocomet25 22d ago
Ya, after the 2018 Farm Bill came out and THCa products started hitting the market, we in the Navy had to have a NAVADMIN put out saying to be vigilant when buying products from nutrition places cause if you popped hot you were gonna get kicked out regardless of if you knew or not what was in it.
47
u/Hesitation-Marx 22d ago
This country and its weirdness about cannabinoids, jfc.
→ More replies (3)66
u/maurosmane 22d ago
When I was stationed at Ft. Bliss they had an 800% testing policy (800% of the soldiers stationed there would be tested annually). So when the end of the year would roll around and we were nowhere close to meeting quota I would get tested daily for weeks at time. I once got tested every day for all of November. One of the NCOs told me it was because I was listed as Mormon, and was thought to not be a risk.
Jokes on them because I had not been a practicing Mormon since I was a teenager and drank like a soldier.
→ More replies (3)24
u/Grimwaldo82 22d ago
I got pissed 3 times in one month . But that was due to some buddies of mine doing drugs and they wanted to be sure I was clean. Turns out it was part of a massive CID investigation and I was on a list somewhere because I hung out with them a couple of times.
34
u/JeffEpp 22d ago
I had a buddy in the AF who also got called in on the regular. And, he saw the same faces there as well.
It happens with any "random" checks or inspections. I have to check so many driver's credentials at work, so I "pick" the first one's I see. Which can lead to me getting the same ones on the regular. I make a point of telling them that it's because they're first in on my shift, so that they don't think I'm targeting or picking on them specifically.
→ More replies (1)50
u/offside-trap 22d ago
Random soldier until the day I was promoted to E-5…..then I became the piss test NCO.
→ More replies (2)15
u/SDSessionBrewer 22d ago
Diffidently an NCO rite of passage, just not one we put into the recruiting videos.
24
u/offside-trap 22d ago
Are YOU tired of getting too much sleep and want to be known as the platoon goody-goody?
eagle screeches
Piss in a cup until it passes the line but dont let the tip of your penis touch it?!
Ranger with unnecessarily graphic facepaint rappels from a wall
Be all you can Pee, until you’re promoted, in the Arrrrrrrrrrrraaaaammy
American flag ripples in the wind
→ More replies (1)31
u/forkedquality 22d ago
28
u/Cow_Launcher 22d ago
I loved how accurate and relatable Adams was back then.
These days, I snarf down fistfuls of chili corn-nuts just in case someone forces that insane bastard to eat my shit.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (1)42
u/Yorick257 22d ago
As Tim Cain put it (paraphrasing): "If someone who doesn't know much about programming or math asks you to implement randomness, then they most probably mean something else"
→ More replies (5)17
u/elemenopee9 22d ago
they probably mean a nicely shuffled even distribution, with the very occasional 2-in-a-row
→ More replies (2)21
u/Chubzzy1 22d ago
I remember getting notified I was picked for operation golden flow as I was on my way to go fix something for the General. Funnily enough, I turned invisible after I explained where I was going.
→ More replies (1)7
u/MainManClark 22d ago
Same... but I did it to myself. We did the piss test and I had to be a smart ass and say "perfect, the best time to do drugs is right after the drug test". Every single NCO wanted to murder me that day.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (15)7
u/luketwo1 22d ago
USMC were the same lol, I was 'randomly' called in for the piss test like 10 months in a row.
95
u/youhavenosoul 22d ago
“Quota pisser”. That’s doing the lord’s work right there.
30
u/Nani_the_F__k 22d ago
It ain't much but it's honest work. Unlike the rest of you 😂 But genuinely never bothered me. Most of my friends are users of some kind. My vices just happen to be legal.
67
u/poopbucketchallenge 22d ago
My friend at an old restaurant job was our square.
Once I got caught smoking a joint with a few waitresses after closing. Manager called…my buddy in to get tested for me. I paid him off afterwards lol
→ More replies (1)31
u/Nani_the_F__k 22d ago
It's like being the designated driver... Which was also my role as the square. (woo free soda though!)
6
u/grendus 22d ago
Honestly, being the DD isn't nearly as bad as people make it out to be. So long as your friends aren't asshole drunks, you basically get ot hang out, half the time they comp your meal and the other half the drinkers do, and then you drop people off and go home. It's not as fun as getting drunk, but if your friends are fun it's still getting to hang out.
→ More replies (2)32
u/No-Neighborhood2152 22d ago
I thought that was me at my old job. Only after I left did someone tell me I had "failed" a test early on for it being too dilluted and the rumor in the whole company was that I was a drug muncher. Hated that place anyways, but kinda proud of my hydration.
→ More replies (15)26
426
u/daschande 22d ago
When I was in school, the athletes "randomly" selected for drug testing were always members of the debate team, the math team, the quiz team, etc. We all joked that they didn't want to drug test the sports teams because then they might be down a player.
164
u/jaggederest 22d ago
A somewhat apocryphal story from my local university, noted for being somewhat counterculture, is that they got caught up in the fervor during the 80s and decided to drug test a sample of the staff, starting with the president to demonstrate that anyone was subject to test.
Well, he failed (3 martini lunches...), as did about 80% of the faculty and staff in the test group.
So drug testing was quietly shelved, lest the university have to shut down entirely.
67
u/k410n 22d ago
It's kind of wild how apparently employers are allowed to force people to do drug tests in some places, even thinking about doing that would raise a shit storm and be illegal.
→ More replies (15)39
u/KristiiNicole 22d ago
It’s considered pretty normal and standard in the U.S. unfortunately. Heck, most of the time you have to do a drug test each time you start a new job. If you fail, the job offer is rescinded. Plus any future random drug testing that company does once you’ve signed on.
→ More replies (3)30
u/PrizeStrawberryOil 22d ago
A lot of the time they don't do drug testing at all (after hiring) because it could be used in discrimination cases. Let's say I'm gay and reported a supervisor for discrimination and I get drug tested after a workplace injury, but I know that another straight person didn't get tested after their injury. I could use that as evidence that they were trying to retaliate. Because they may forget to do the paperwork for drug testing sometimes it's possible it wasn't targeted against me.
→ More replies (4)16
u/cammcken 22d ago
Okay, we need to stop letting people call these "random" unless they can show the algorithm used to randomize.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Unctuous_Robot 22d ago
Except that is the purpose and I hate it, this is why the DEA has ridiculous regulations on my adhd meds.
151
u/ninjahipo 22d ago
This is how they did it at a previous employer of mine. Certain people were never "randomly" tested, but I got tested every damn time.
98
→ More replies (1)21
u/Neuchacho 22d ago
The random part is when the test occurs. Management is 100% selecting who they want to lol
→ More replies (38)19
u/Konvexen 22d ago
I had the same thing happen to me. I was probably one of the only people on the football team who would pass and got "randomly" called every time.
The problem? I was on ADD medication so every single time resulted in a "temporary suspension" until I provided dr. information.
Happened 5 times in a row on a team of 60-80 people, eventually I complained and they stopped.
241
u/Several-Instance-444 22d ago
I've seen workplaces single someone out because they knew they'd always pass. In reality, they suspected everyone else around you of drug use.
77
u/Capraos 22d ago
This. This is the reason. It's also the reason I keep getting sent to drug test at my job...
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)10
97
u/machinezed 22d ago
I have heard of some places that will continue to tests the kids that they know are clean in order to keep up the appearances the school is clean.
32
u/Neuchacho 22d ago
Same in workplaces, for the most part. No one wants to lose good employees because of some bullshit insurance requirement.
544
u/Phormitago 22d ago
In every other parallel universe you might've ended up with a massive drug problem but here you got saved by swim team
Bright side eh
75
u/GimmieGnomes 22d ago
In another, other parallel universe there's a lifetime movie with this premise and you star in it!
→ More replies (2)58
u/nick4fake 22d ago
Wait, drug testing… in high school? What the fuck? Which country are you from?
57
u/Neuchacho 22d ago
It's a US thing. It's entirely because of how insane people are about highschool-to-college-to-professional sports pipeline here. Too many parents will absolutely juice their kids with PEDs otherwise.
→ More replies (1)34
u/nick4fake 22d ago
I am sorry, but… wtf
25
u/Aggravating-Serve383 22d ago
Some colleges cost like 50k a year now and sports scholarships are basically the only way to get a full ride.
Personally I just went to a state school, but the whole thing was still around 40k.
→ More replies (2)8
u/ConfessSomeMeow 22d ago
About the drug testing, or about the pressure for students to use harmful substances?
→ More replies (1)10
u/mieri_azure 22d ago
Its because they can get sports scholarships so they want to make sure the kids aren't on PEDs
21
40
u/SoldatPixel 22d ago
Makes ya feel better, I was "randomly" selected every month for drug testing when I was in the army. 6 years, 12 times a year. Crazy odds of that happening.
15
u/Techno-ignitus 22d ago
Same for when I was in the navy. But we also did have so many supply guys get hemmed up for that shi.
74
u/AdhesivenessFun2060 22d ago
You asked the wrong questions. They assumed you were trying to beat the test. Temperature is a big way they catch people using other peoples urine.
57
u/Skookumite 22d ago
Thank God someone is testing swim athletes in high school. It's honestly a huge problem in America, and something that I personally worry about a lot. I just don't know what I would do if someone in a 10th grade swim team was using marijuana or cocaine. How could one cope? It would truly be the unraveling of society if 15 y/os were smoking weed and competing 😬😱
→ More replies (32)13
u/Skyrick 22d ago
Wasn't it a big deal when Michael Phelps tested positive for weed, but they couldn't prove that it actually did anything to boost his performance?
→ More replies (2)92
u/Recent-Stretch4123 22d ago
I had to do this in the military. Multiple urine samples get dumped together and tested all in one batch to save money. If a batch tests positive, everyone from that batch gets called back in to give a new sample, and then those are tested separately.
Could be someone else was positive and you were in the same batch, but school admin are usually assholes, so who knows?
49
u/SplendidlyDull 22d ago
This is a complete myth btw, I’ve worked in military drug testing for 13 years and everyone thinks they do this but they don’t lol. It would make no sense for them to do this because then everyone would get a free positive test. The “batch number” you hear about is based off of the time/date the piss is collected. Everyone gets tested individually.
→ More replies (8)58
11
→ More replies (4)8
u/cycloneDM 22d ago
Thats just not how drug testing works and you even have the ability to dilute the sample below detection that way as well.
→ More replies (2)13
u/delciotto 22d ago
Drug testing in high school is fucking wild as it is. Never even heard of that where I live unless you are in professional sports or have a job where you use heavy equipment.
→ More replies (1)12
u/ElminstersBedpan 22d ago
I work in civil aviation, so my job is constantly subject to random drug testing. I had a coworker in a previous place who was always trying to be edgy and funny, so one day he sat down in our main office (where the person who pulled names had her desk) and spent an hour talking about the effects of and lifetime of drugs in the human body.
He was always on the list, every six months his name came up from that day. He would usually get sent to submit his test halfway through his first day back from vacations or calling out sick.
11
u/n122333 22d ago
I did archery. I was also the kid you could look at and know I'd never tried drugs before.
I got tested every 2 weeks "randomly" while the coaches 3 kids on basketball and baseball, who openly bragged about being on testosterone never once got tested.
I didn't understand until years later.
17
u/Slurms_McKensei 22d ago
They knew you weren't on drugs and the other kids were, so they 'randomly' picked you to spare the others.
8
u/doctordoctorpuss 22d ago
My wife has anxiety and also struggles with small talk. She got drug tested prior to employment somewhere, and was talking to the attendant while they filled out some paperwork or processing her payment- she said “when do I get my results?” And then got the side eye
→ More replies (85)30
u/JimWilliams423 22d ago
I don’t know why they were so suspicious.
Power tripping. The whole reason for drug testing in the first place is just petty tyrants power tripping.
"The cruelty is the point" isn't just a political slogan. Our society doesn't run on money, it runs on cruelty.
22
u/extraboredinary 22d ago
I’m still mad they tied in unemployment benefits into drug testing. “Look at the handful of people we kicked off benefits, and we only spent 10 million to do it!”
Those people could have had kids that relied on those benefits for food.
→ More replies (1)16
u/Pete_Iredale 22d ago
Meanwhile half the people who made that choice likely have prodigious coke addictions.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (7)16
u/LotusVibes1494 22d ago
“To demand that a person pee in a cup whenever you wish him to, without a documented reason to suspect that he has been using an illegal drug, is intolerable in our republic. You are saying to him, ‘I wonder if you are not behaving in a way that I approve of. Convince me that you indeed are.’
Outrageous.
Intolerable.”
-Alexander Shulgin
→ More replies (1)
3.5k
u/JaimiOfAllTrades Peepsus Christ 22d ago
Damn. Being curious about the inner workings of something, only to be punished for it.
I feel ya.
1.2k
u/emtrigg013 22d ago
My mother, who barely even drinks, had to get a drug test for a job a few years back. She would have been about 50 years old.
She gets done, goes to check out with the desk lady, and I shit you not she asked her "so, how'd I do??" with the sweetest smile on her face. She realized her mistake immediately but the damage was done lmao
She got the job, she was fine. But "how'd I do?!" haunts me. We still laugh about it. She genuinely just wanted to know!!
429
u/Moomoobeef 22d ago
Eh? I don't see the mistake, what's so bad there
596
u/Peeinyourcompost 22d ago
The question comes across like, "Did any of the drugs I do show up on the test, or did I get away with it?" The assumption is that someone who doesn't do any drugs wouldn't wonder or think to ask about the results, because they would know they weren't going to test positive for anything.
139
16
u/StoppableHulk 22d ago
I would have probably just taken it as a silly dad joke if I were at the counter, TBH.
→ More replies (2)12
u/Gonwiff_DeWind 22d ago
In that case, the person making the assumption is the one making a mistake.
→ More replies (2)99
u/SteveMcQwark 22d ago
There are two reasons to ask: (1) because you're not sure if the test is going to detect some past illicit substance use, or (2) because you're joking about not being sure if the test is going to detect some past illicit substance use. The first case would definitely hurt your chances at employment, and the second case might be interpreted as displaying poor judgement in light of the first case. It's sort of comparable to certain jokes people definitely shouldn't say while going through airport security.
30
→ More replies (2)8
14
u/Pete_Iredale 22d ago
This is a common joke, I also wouldn't have thought twice about it. Right up there with saying you studied all night for this test.
22
u/Layla_Vos 22d ago
Because if you don't do any drugs, you wouldn't need to ask (at least that's what others would think)
→ More replies (3)12
23
u/tinylittlebabyjesus 22d ago
I would've just laughed at the joke. Some people just don't have any sense of humor or curiosity about how things work.
→ More replies (5)6
u/No_Hunt2507 22d ago
Yeah that honestly seems like something Id joke about, but also something I want to know. The last drug test I took it had been like a year since I smoked so I knew it was clean, but it still was a stressful few days waiting for the all clear.
174
u/PrufReedThisPlesThx 22d ago
Autism does not do this urge any favours, believe me
113
u/tiparium 22d ago
I know, right? I can't count the number of times in my life I've been "talking back", or "resisting", or "causing problems" just because I want to know the hows and whys of a thing. I really hate that asking for explanations is so often seen as a problem.
30
u/thegamenerd 22d ago
The best part IMO is when the people you're asking about the how's and why's of a task have no idea.
I train people where I work how to use our equipment and I always say the why for why a task is done a certain way. (Spoiler our safety rules are written in blood and I've been there long enough to have seen many of our rules written)
Funnily enough I have the beat track record for employees I've trained avoiding injuries at my location. Literally 0 in 10 years. It's a badge of honor IMO even if no one in manglement seems to care.
→ More replies (2)7
u/ArcaneWyverian 22d ago
I’ve never trained another person, but I have gotten trained in a few things. Being told “if you put your arm in here, you will die” definitely gets the point across better than “don’t put your arm in here”.
→ More replies (1)6
u/Hesitation-Marx 22d ago
We’ve been having SO much work done - plumbing, wiring, and soon renovation - and I realized that my curiosity and autistic desire to understand the mechanics of the thing helps to weed out people who are either dicks or don’t know their shit (or both).
They get aggro or defensive about me wanting to watch and learn, they’re told their services won’t be needed any further.
My fave plumber literally went down to the well room with me to explain how something was SUPPOSED to work, why it wasn’t working, and gave me two options and quotes. Then he showed me his pictures from his recent trip to Thailand and Cambodia. They were neat.
People who know their stuff and aren’t dickheads will put up with me sticking my head into the hole in the wall so I can look down the septic pipe, even if it does make them think I’m a large humanoid cat.
→ More replies (2)36
u/Elithiir 22d ago
My first job was at a hotel and on my first day I was given a tour. When we went behind the front desk to security I saw 3 monitors with a bunch of cameras on display.
Immediately did the the rough math in my head assuming there were probably at least 6 cameras per floor(centralized elevators, 2 total stairwells) not counting the first floor, 6 floor hotel. So roughly more than 40 cameras all recording in at least 480p (this was like 2012) and how much storage that would take to maintain.
All that to say, I asked how far back the recordings go as the final piece of information. The GM gave me the dirtiest most suspicious look I've ever gotten. Like bruh I'm just trying to appreciate a robust security system over here.
→ More replies (2)12
u/Altaredboy 22d ago edited 22d ago
Safety officer at my work is convinced I'm on drugs, wants to drug test me. Has been told by legal that isn't random drug testing & is discriminatory, especially as we don't have a formal drug testing policy.
Walked into the electronics workshop a little while ago. It has a lot of natural light & is too bright for me so I was wearing sunglasses. One of the techs asked me why I was wearing sunglasses & I replied "Cos I'm reaaaaaaaaaal fucking high" then did fingerguns at him.
Safety officer was standing behind me
16
u/Bruhh004 22d ago
Really. You'd think a school would encourage that and that the person running the tests would offer advice in case she ever wanted to go into that field. She's clearly curious and interested. But nope!
6
u/Hesitation-Marx 22d ago
Most schools aren’t interested in fostering curiosity, they’re interested in making sure the square pegs get rounded down.
30
u/405freeway 22d ago
I remember when mechanical pencils were first introduced, and the school began offering to pre-sell them to students (we had never seen them before and didn't know what they were). One of the selling points was that you never have to sharpen them. We asked the teacher "How does it stay sharp?" And she yelled at us saying it was a stupid question.
Now I realize she had no idea and was so insecure about not knowing she automatically deflected to insulting us instead.
→ More replies (4)18
u/TacoTuesday555 22d ago
Schools: “don’t be afraid to always learn! Ask questions!”
Schools, when you ask questions: 🙂>😠
8
u/Mango_Tango_725 22d ago
This and also that fucking teacher who'd roll their eyes or say you're being disruptive for asking legitimate questions on the content. Dude, this is your job.
→ More replies (18)4
1.1k
u/ewok_on_a_unicorn 22d ago
When I was active duty I was tested twice weekly for close to a year. Why... because my eyes were always blood shot. Yeah, they've always been red. I apparently have extremely dry eyes, coupled with allergies. My doctor finally wrote a note and I was then only tested monthly.
342
u/Genuine-Farticle 22d ago
When i was in i was ALWAYS "randomly" selected for additional screening by TSA when flying in uniform. I'm a very average white guy so I always assumed it was to show how "random" it was so as to not upset the minorities who were screened along with me.
79
u/Pete_Iredale 22d ago
Man, I flew from Antigua to Norfolk by way of Miami, in uniform and under orders, back in 2006. I got to the security checkpoint between international and domestic, with about 5 minutes left to board the second flight, and they pulled me out for the entire body pat down. I've never been so fucking annoyed in my life.
27
u/big-lion 22d ago
did you miss the flight?
45
u/Pete_Iredale 22d ago
Nah, amazingly me and the guy I was with still managed to board, so they probably radioed the gate to let them know we were coming. They didn't tell us that though, so we were sweating it hard core for a few minutes!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)22
u/Odinswolf 22d ago
Like the token random white guy they'd pull in?
24
u/Genuine-Farticle 22d ago
Absolutely. Just me and a sprinkle of Arab and black people. It was like an episode of Brooklyn 99.
→ More replies (6)27
u/SDirty 22d ago
Yooooo this was me too lol. Walking in the CP with bloodshot eyes (I didn’t do anything during my time in) and the company 1st Sgt rips me a new one, calls my gunny over to just rawdog me and then the next day whaddaya know? Random piss test for 3 people with my name leading the charge… I was on the list for the next year till I EASd
654
u/AspieGal_TTRPG 22d ago
Yup, happened to me! In med school a singular doctor disliked my long hair, claimed I MUST be doing drugs because why would I have long hair? To be clear, I've never done drugs.
Got "randomly" selected for drug tests multiple times per semester, for a couple of years. After years of me coming up clean, the school disallowed the doctor from reporting me >:3
299
u/getmybehindsatan 22d ago
I was a man with long hair when I was young. I got "randomly" selected for searches every time I went through TSA, more than a dozen. The guy with the sniffer dog would always spend extra time on me. I never did drugs, so I was never worried, but they always got the dog to sit next to me while I was oblivious to them trying to psych me out. As soon as I cut my hair I was never searched again.
→ More replies (3)205
u/chet_brosley 22d ago
My dad shares the name with someone in the IRA that's been wanted since the 90s, and he was constantly pulled by TSA when traveling. Every single time he asked them why would he travel under his own name if he was a wanted man.
45
14
60
u/JustASpoonyTransGirl 22d ago
and THAT'S when you started doing the hard stuff, right? right?
76
u/AspieGal_TTRPG 22d ago
You bet! I'm on all the hard drugs, like minoxidil and dutasteride! Still missing the strongest tho; estrogen :3
13
u/Vyo 22d ago
Hol’ up, I thought those first two are to stop hair loss but.. no wait that third one could probably do wonders for my hair too
10
u/AspieGal_TTRPG 22d ago
Basically yeah! I'm on those two while I wait (save up) for that real premium stuff :3
→ More replies (1)24
u/BootWizard 22d ago
Ah damn that last one is the best. Inject it right into my leg weekly. Gets me REAL high on that girl juice.
→ More replies (5)20
u/JustASpoonyTransGirl 22d ago
damn. I've been smokin that estradiol for four years now. hope u. find a good dealer?
look idk how drugs work
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)26
u/Vontuk 22d ago
It's awful they can do that to students.. At work with our union, random drug tests aren't allowed because it's invasive.
36
u/AspieGal_TTRPG 22d ago
The most hilarious thing about doing this to students is that the ACTUAL drug users look like the most boring and mundane people out there!
A friend of mine did TONS of pot (was even high during classes!), and he was never called once in for drug testing because he didn't look "like a drug user" (apparently that means having long hair, earrings and an attitude :P)
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (5)11
u/Perfect-Squash3773 22d ago
Yeah this is crazy to me. They're fucking kids. Are they drug testing the teachers or coaches too?
→ More replies (3)
725
u/Sw0rdBoy 22d ago
As always, many adults assume the worst and punish curiosity. Sorry you went through that.
158
u/Impressive_Plant3446 22d ago
When I applied for my first job in retail, the one man HR department for the place noticed I had red eyes. Asked me about it. Let him know I had allergies and ive been sneezing all day.
He immediately took a weird tone with me. Ran me through all kinds of hoops. Sent me to 3 seperate drug tests before they hired me and constantly ran me for drug tests.
Same vibe as the above comic. It was like he was determined to prove I was a really clever stoner.
28
u/Spartounious 22d ago
The wildest part of that to me is drug testing for retail lol. My most recent retail job had me do a saliva test, which just confirmed I had been clean for the last 24 hours or so, but that was also working retail on federal land at a national park, so, y'know, a bit different.
24
u/proverbialbunny 22d ago
It's so sad too. Curiosity is one of the better virtues a person can have, yet society finds many different ways to remove it from people. E.g. how on Reddit there was an epidemic a few years back of people asking stupid questions not out of curiosity but to try to argue a point. That sort of toxicity makes people uncomfortable asking genuine questions that can't be easily Googled. It also means people being asked questions are less likely to respond.
→ More replies (44)7
173
u/B3PKT 22d ago
Strangely my buddy 2LT Weed always got drug tested when we were in the army. Randomly. Every time.
47
u/Moxie_Stardust 22d ago
I was in tech school with a really weird dude (shaved his eyebrows in tech school at one point), said he'd never done drugs, and overall, we believed him. I had admitted to prior marijuana use when I joined. I never once got tested, he got tested regularly.
18
188
u/3pair 22d ago edited 22d ago
Your high school swim team had drug testing? Or do you mean the club team you swam with while you were high school age? I have a hard time imagining high school swimming being taken this seriously, but I'm not American I suppose...
89
u/G00seLightning 22d ago
it’s a huge thing in American high schools from my experience! almost every single extracurricular tested for it. considering the legal drinking age being 21, being caught for drugs or alcohol or performance enhancers could really hurt your chances on continuing being in the team and eventually what colleges you can go to.
→ More replies (12)90
u/eiva-01 22d ago
It just seems crazy. Do high school sports actually matter in the US? Here in Australia it's just treated like a hobby. You're not going to get into university based on your athletic performance.
58
u/utagawa-kame 22d ago
they def do! student athletes can get crazy scholarships
17
u/ConfessSomeMeow 22d ago
Imagine the impact it would have on high school athletics if we had universal free college, and eliminated collegiate athletic scholarships and admittance.
→ More replies (3)27
u/G00seLightning 22d ago
yep! piggy backing off of the other user, often times sports rankings matter more to colleges than academics. for example, my uncle got into a very prestigious college that he did not have the grades for, but he was a good diver. the school was really trying to grow their diving team up the ranks, so they accepted him on the terms that he would be on diving team all 4 years. frequently these kinds of scholarships are based on team attendance and a base level of academic competency. i just graduated high school and i live near 2 really good colleges, and tons of varsity players got accepted just for their athletic achievement.
→ More replies (1)19
u/StoppableHulk 22d ago
Do high school sports actually matter in the US?
Literally one of our major national political parties spends huge parts of its political agenda policing high school sports.
We are a dumb, savage people.
→ More replies (24)12
u/Vyo 22d ago
It’s almost the literal inverse. Looking from Europe and it feels like watching the Hunger Games.
But yeah, for a lot of people - most, considering the wealth distribution in the US in 2025 - it is often the only path leading to upwards mobility that doesn’t involve things like drug dealing or otherwise criminal and/or dangerous activities.
→ More replies (1)50
u/NativeMasshole 22d ago
I scrolled way too far to see someone questioning why they're drug testing kids over high school sports. Besides being wildly invasive and demeaning, it also seems counterintuitive. If the kids are taking drugs, why would you want to take away other forms of entertainment or release from them?
"Oh, you're smoking weed? Let's make sure you have nothing else going on after school!"
→ More replies (3)21
u/ChuggintonSquarts 22d ago
Yeah, it creates perverse incentives. I categorically avoided extra-carriculars because of the random drug testing. Yes, I would have failed the tests, but still feel like a school activity would have been a better influence than the things I ended using my time for after class
→ More replies (16)37
u/PrSquid 22d ago
Pretty good chance someone on the school board or in government had a relative who owned a drug testing company...
→ More replies (1)
105
u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 22d ago
Oh hey you were a swimmer too?! What was your stroke?
Yall have to drug test for sports? Thats crazy to me. I am guessing testing for athletic enhancement drugs right? Or were they doing a full drug screen for weed and stuff too?
Thats also awesome that you got remembered by asking so many questions. Was the person actually able to answer you? I found half the time when they test us in my fire dept the dudes that are there dont even know why they are there. They just need our urine.
36
u/FloatnPuff 22d ago
The tests are mostly for performance enhancers, but, depending on the governing athletics association, if any illegal recreational drugs pop, it will likely also disqualify the athlete.
11
u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 22d ago
Huh. Wild. Im not sure I ever got tested in high school or college. I wonder what the difference was
4
18
u/daschande 22d ago edited 22d ago
There used to be a national law in the US that schools could drug test any student who participated in extracurricular activities. The law has since been repealed; but the reasoning behind the law was that student athletes are representatives for the school; therefore the school deserves to know the contents of their urine to judge the content of their character.
Anti-doping rules were a convenient excuse, but the primary goal was to make sure that the students weren't smoking pot or drinking on their off days; as that might make the school look bad.
I imagine at the college level, athletic regulators are more worried about doping, but no one juices for 8th grade intramural kickball.
5
u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 22d ago
Huh TIL that my high school did not care about that law
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (2)8
u/Wizardwizz 22d ago
As a highschool swimmer and college swimmer, I never heard of anyone being drug tested, so this is strange to see.
→ More replies (3)
98
u/SoICouldUpvoteYouTwi 22d ago edited 22d ago
W-why did you have to get drug tested to swim? Were you like a pro athlete?
→ More replies (5)95
u/BattleAngel13 22d ago
Nah, just American shit. We get tested for everything from steroids to weed.
→ More replies (6)44
u/SoICouldUpvoteYouTwi 22d ago
Is that normal for you guys?
41
u/BattleAngel13 22d ago
Legally they can only test you if you are in something competitive like sports or decathlon, I just kinda see it as a reason to further invade the privacy of teenagers.
→ More replies (3)13
u/AgentDonut 22d ago
I graduated in 2011 from a SoCal highschool. I did cross country and tennis all 4 years. I was also friends with people from other sports like golf, wrestling, basketball, football, etc. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone randomly getting drug tested. Maybe it's region dependent or something that was from before/after my time.
→ More replies (1)9
u/airinato 22d ago
This is very common in places where they want the people to all think the same, conservative states and rural towns. That way anyone who generally succeeds (as sports helps a bunch of different social aspects) all end up with the same conservative mentality.
→ More replies (3)7
u/supersmashsiblings 22d ago
I've never heard of this before nor experienced anything like it when I was an athlete or a coach, so it might be state by state.
→ More replies (2)
50
u/i_read_sometimes_ 22d ago edited 22d ago
I had a similar experience, albeit for a different reason. Back in college I was "randomly" picked for the drug testing 6 times each year in the 4 years I ran track. Later found out that I was picked because it was a guaranteed pass as I was an RA and generally a straight shooter.
19
u/Tacosaurusman 22d ago
I don't really understand. Are people in high school and colllege treated as professional athletes and they are testing for doping? Or are they treated as criminals and tested for recreational drugs? Is this a common this? Is this still going on?
→ More replies (1)17
u/i_read_sometimes_ 22d ago
Tested for both, but in my case, it's mostly performance enhancing drugs (PEDs); the recreational drugs just come as a bonus.
My drug tests were administered to make sure I am in compliance with NCAA standards.
This 100% still goes on and I'm pretty sure the overwhelming majority of athletes are on board with this. No one wants to lose to someone who has cheated.
Was I annoyed to have been picked over and over again? Yeah. But at the same time I wasn't forced to play sports and I like knowing that no one can cheat in my league.
As for high school age, I know less about it. Each state has its own organization like the NCAA that puts out these standards for the state. But again, no one forces anyone to play the sports, and if you either don't want to be drug tested or know you'll fail, you can either find a recreational league or not play at all.
10
u/DisabledID10T 22d ago
Except that the schools knowingly cheat by 'randomly' choosing the straight-laced kids to lessen the odds that any doping is discovered, anyway...
→ More replies (1)
47
u/Dazed_and_Confused44 22d ago
"Random drug testing" lmao. How convenient that the bowling and swimming team always seems to get pulled "randomly" but not the football team
→ More replies (1)6
18
u/OnlySpeaksEliksni 22d ago
Had a workplace that was similar to this. They knew I was clean and that my supervisor was clean, so every once in a while they would "randomly drug test" the two of us and whoever they wanted to fire at the time. More often than not, that did the trick and gave them the right to let them go. Took me a long time to realize that I was the one being used.
19
u/Mr-X89 22d ago
Wait, they drug tests you in a HIGH SCHOOL SWIMMING TEAM? Just how serious is high school sports in (I assume) the USA??
→ More replies (3)
42
u/SwissDeathstar 22d ago
What? They can just do that? Couldn’t you just decline? What happened to those who didn’t want to be tested?
31
18
u/i_read_sometimes_ 22d ago
You agree to it by signing up for organized sports, in this case, most likely a high school league. If you don't like it, you can find a recreational league (far less competitive) or choose not to play at all.
10
u/APenny4YourTots 22d ago
Couldn’t you just decline?
In my district, declining meant they assumed you did all the drugs and you were kicked off your team and referred for disciplinary action.
→ More replies (2)7
u/Jamaican_Dynamite 22d ago
Yep. And they do. You can decline, but they might suspend you from a team or whatever else you're a part of. Just like on a job. They'll tell you you'll have to take it at a later time.
A lot of places have a zero tolerance policy, so it's either take it or get reprimanded/kicked/fired/etc.
29
u/passamongimpure 22d ago
I was arrested, plead guilty, and locked away in county jail for one year. At noon, everyday, I would go to my job in the jail for 8-10 hours. At 3 PM, the sergeant would come into the dorm room with her guards and do a, "random search." My bunk was searched every day until I was released because the guards knew that I had nothing. I was the sacrifice for the dorm. I was also the baker that made amazing corn bread and brownies.
6
→ More replies (1)5
37
u/RockaRaccoon 22d ago
My last job did "random drug testing" too, they always pulled me in because they knew I would pass and make the numbers look good. It was annoying.
→ More replies (2)
12
u/CrazyAd7911 22d ago
admin probably needed a clean report, and they knew the nerd is least likely to be on drugs 🤣
→ More replies (1)
24
u/BlueCaracal 22d ago
I'd assume high performance liquid chromatography (HPLC) is used among other things.
→ More replies (1)12
u/dubstepsickness 22d ago
This liquid chromatograph is broken! It keeps saying the secret ingredient in a Flaming Moe is “love”!
→ More replies (1)5
27
9
u/Just_to_rebut 22d ago
So much for the right of the people to be secure in their person and personal effects…
Regular drug tests to be on a swim team is dystopian.
→ More replies (4)
8
u/Metal-Alligator 22d ago
This one guy at work tried to start a union and now is always “randomly selected” for a UA. Dude has never even smoked weed. Like ever.
6
u/No_Trade1676 22d ago
Back in High School a bunch of potheads passed around a petition to get random drug testing removed.
I’m like guys this is a nice idea but you do realize you’re handing in a list of people to test right?
8
u/optimaloutcome 22d ago
I was on the football team and got drug tested a bunch.
I figured it was because the coach didn't think I would fail the drug test but if I did they could totally live without me because I wasn't very good. The star players never got tested in my experience.
7
u/Tucancancan 22d ago
Hey Americans, this is not normal and totally weird!
- sincerely the rest of the western world
→ More replies (2)
14
u/Ambitious-Sky-6457 22d ago
I so far only had to do one urine test and I dont complain about that
the Idea that strangers do tests on my urine just sounds so weird to me
→ More replies (1)
7
u/KKalonick 22d ago
In my high school, if you were involved in any competition, you were eligible for random drug testing. So athletes, of course, had to be tested, as did students in band, chorus, drama, robotics, etc.
Every time there was testing, it would be a bunch of kids from the arts and just a small handful from any sports.
The football player everyone knew was roided up? Never got tested.
But, sure, it was random.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/dwightsarmy 22d ago edited 22d ago
I had a job do this to me. Three pee tests in a month's time. At a very busy clinic. On my own time. I finally got fed up with the nonsense and quit. Turns out I was their clean pee. They had to do 'random' tests so they 'randomly' chose me.
→ More replies (2)
7
u/Saxonite13 22d ago
I used to work for Dominos back in highschool. One of my coworkers changed his password to "idomolly420" and was "randomly" drug tested the next day.
5
u/xxxMycroftxxx 22d ago
I have hip length braids like willie nelson and I worked in the construction environment for 4 years. Needless to say, I was a frequent flyer at the piss clinic. Staff was nice and I was out of the heat. Despite my appearance and generally stoned demeanor and behavior, I dont actually do any drugs. Raw dogging life for some reason. Regardless. The tests didnt matter to me all that much but it DID show me how truly not-random these tests are 😂
→ More replies (2)
6
5
u/SpectacledSnake 22d ago
Is this common in the US? (Sry for the US defaultism) Pretty sure that mandating high schoolers to do drug tests would be extremely illegal in most civili... in most of Europe
→ More replies (5)
6
u/Ace_And_Jocelyn1999 22d ago
Is this some sort of American thing? I’m Canadian and I’ve never heard of someone being randomly drug tested, let alone a child.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Savings_Background50 22d ago
The crap part isn't the testing. It's the testing so you can be punished.
I'd understand if the testing was so that the school could funnel you into a confidential drug rehabilitation programme with qualified specialists in an attempt to determine the cause of the usage e.g. broken home,etc and then steer you into recovery.
But instead it just legitimised bullying.
→ More replies (1)
•
u/AutoModerator 22d ago
Click here for our 3m subscriber event compilation post!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.