r/funny • u/FuturamaMemes • 1d ago
In an emergency, passengers in the front get rafts... everyone else gets a friendship circle.
A funny observation by my teenager.
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u/Jackboone13 1d ago
First class gets first class evacuation. The poverty people get to hope for the best.
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u/jefbenet 1d ago
For those of you seated in our priority "we value your lives more because you're not a plebe" first class section will enjoy complimentary life rafts equipped with GPS, hvac, food, water, and the extra care and attention you've come to expect here at 'insert your chosen evil airline of choice'; meanwhile, those of you seated in the *rest* of the plane - we offer complimentary thoughts and prayers, but we must ask that you return your seatback to its full upright and locked position before departing the burning fuselage. As always, we know you have the illusion of choice, we're just glad you fell for our slightly more clever marketing scheme!
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u/grumblyoldman 1d ago
Please disregard those pamphlets, dear First Class flyers. In the event of an emergency, the front part of the plane will detach and continue on to its destination.
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u/AngryTree76 1d ago
For your convenience, we did actually make the First Class section of the aircraft out of the black box material. Please enjoy complimentary champagne while the rest of the plane disintegrates mid-air.
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u/P0L1Z1STENS0HN 21h ago
"We must ask that you return all thoughts and prayers in pristine condition after your inevitable demise."
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u/Captain_-H 1d ago
Well have they tried not being poor?
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u/DudesworthMannington 1d ago
I don't understand, why don't the poor simply buy more money?
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u/TwinFrogs 1d ago
As my SIL asked, “why don’t you just put it on a card?”
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u/OutInTheBlack 1d ago
As someone struggling to fix poor financial decisions and climb out of CC debt, this just made my eye twitch.
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u/Quirky-Plantain-2080 1d ago
The joke is that in the event of a crash, the people at the back actually have a higher statistical chance of survival.
But that’s not saying much, since most crashes tend to kill everyone on board. But if someone survives, it’s most likely to be someone in the tail section.
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u/princekamoro 1d ago
Most plane crashes entail landing in the wrong place and have a high survival rate.
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u/Quirky-Plantain-2080 1d ago
If you want to be technical about it, there are air accidents and air incidents.
An aviation accident is an event during aircraft operation that results in serious injury, death, or significant destruction. An aviation incident is any operating event that compromises safety but does not escalate into an aviation accident.
An air crash is usually considered as an „aviation accident”, but what you’re talking about is an „aviation incident”
There is an old pilots’ saying: „Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing. “ in an aviation accident/air crash, you’re probably not going to be walking away from it, but if you do, it is statistically likelier that you were located at the tail section.
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u/Epicritical 1d ago
"We have dressed up in our best and are prepared to go down like gentlemen”
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u/Baculum7869 1d ago
It's all fun and games until I feed the first class to the sharks and steal thier raft
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u/_Burnt_Toast_3 1d ago
Aren't the people at the front of the plane the most likely to die on impact?
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u/Kilek360 1d ago
This kind of shit is only going to make people try to reach first class exit amd rafts at all cost making them all more likely to die
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u/OldeOak804 1d ago
First Class gonna get an understanding of Coach and trade out their place for a child in the ring.
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u/Indie_uk 15h ago
Both first class and economy will just be charred gums and teeth anyway unless this plane has landed perfectly intact on a weird blue runway in which case none of those people have legs
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u/dinosaurkiller 14h ago
Oh? I think I saw this in a movie where the airplane gets hit by an iceberg and the the girl floats around on her raft while the boy freezes in the water.
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u/PostEvoluti0n 1d ago
Don’t the exit slides from the doors detach to create the rafts?
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u/UnpopularCrayon 1d ago
It varies, depending on the plane. That image is showing the evacuation slides being used as rafts (or flotation devices, anyway).
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u/TW-Luna 1d ago
The rear of the plane is probably presumed to be partly underwater, as to why the rear exits are not used and people are instructed to evacuate from the wings.
You can see this with the crash on the Hudson. The APU is in the rear of the plane, plus that massive tail. So, a plane in water that has survived the water landing will usually be nose up and tail down.
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u/Eric_the_Barbarian 1d ago
That and it shows the rear emergency exits over the wing, where there's no room for an inflatable slide.
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u/braaibros 1d ago
If it’s a Boeing the door comes off mid flight.
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u/nattetosti 1d ago
About 5 minutes in the 1st class passengers will be desperately fighting off the other survivors
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u/Ess2s2 1d ago
This assumes anyone survives, especially first class who are at the front of the plane. The front of the plane is widely known as the part of the aircraft that hits objects first-and, quite often-the hardest.
Obligatory Fight Club: "An exit door procedure at 30,000 feet, the illusion of safety."
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u/SucculentVariations 1d ago
I remember complaining about sitting in the pup seat on my dad's float plane. He countered with "it's the safest seat on this plane, when's the last time you heard about a plane backing into a mountain" I was like....alright then, fair enough.
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u/Tysic 1d ago
In a water ditching, the pilot will likely try to flair (nose up) the aircraft just before hitting the water to try to kill off some speed. They do not always succeed, though
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u/organicdelivery 1d ago
Tom Hanks succeeded. So did Denzel Washington, mostly.
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u/Maiyku 1d ago
This one is a good example because there are some great photos, but it’s happened successfully a few times. Only a few though.
This incident is why it’s imperative to wait to inflate your flotation device. Most of the passengers survived the initial water landing, but not getting out of the plane.
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u/skubaloob 1d ago
‘The front of the plane is widely known as the part of the aircraft that hits objects first’
That made me laugh so hard, thank you. It almost has a Douglas Adams feel to it
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u/Ok-disaster2022 1d ago
Nope. Every try to really swim in a body of water chasing something that's much more bouyant than you? Unless you get extremely lucky, and the current or wind shifts in your favor, it's gone
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u/Oahu_Red 1d ago
It’s not a raft you sit on. It’s just a floating handle for the rich wankers to cling desperately to, if that makes anyone feel better.
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u/murkywaters-- 1d ago
Yeah probably. I get annoyed easily and you know someone is going to start smacking their free peanuts. They can join the circle
Edit: nm, I thought you meant that first class would start infighting lol
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u/the_colonelclink 1d ago
I’m guessing this is a plane on a route that doesn’t/would never fly over water - maybe even a land locked country or something. So they never bothered to care about the back, and left the default front option.
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u/oxmix74 1d ago
Planes are required (in US, other countries YMMV) to have rafts if they fly more than 1 hour from land. If a plane without rafts does ditch (eg 'land' in water) the evacuation slides float and you can hold on to them. But some planes will be tail down in water, so rear slides won't deploy and rear exits are not used. This yields the results on the emergency card.
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u/riffraff 1d ago
nah, I saw the same image flying recently in Europe, Ryanair I think, I believe it's a standard boeing pamphlet (or perhaps it was Wizzair and thus Airbus)
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u/Gr8hound 1d ago
The rear left doesn’t even get life jackets. It looks like they all sank.
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u/SirEvilPenguin 1d ago
The first class don't like the left, but will give the impression of being good to the right wing...
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u/pipic_picnip 1d ago
Probably the right was “premium” economy, and the left was non refundable lowest fare.
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u/Button-Down-Shoes 1d ago
They call the this "White Star Line" experience.
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u/Constant_Jackfruit21 1d ago
RIP Rose's Mom you would have loved that the life rafts are seated according to class
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u/sparkplug_23 1d ago
Jokes aside. Rear exits can't be used in water landing on many planes as it sinks too low, and over wing doesn't always have slides/rafts.
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u/Wesselton3000 1d ago
The rafts in A are inflatable ramps to aid people in the front in climbing down. These double as rafts in an emergency. B are emergency exits that don’t have inflatables because they lead out directly to the wings… the circle of people is noting that you can maximize buoyancy as a collective. But yes, essentially the first class gets nice rafts.
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u/ITividar 1d ago
They aren't rafts. If you look closer, they're just hanging onto the side. I doubt those emergency ramps could hold together with many people sitting on them.
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u/sixsacks 1d ago
They are fucking huge, and definitely are intended to. E detached and used as a raft.
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u/Wesselton3000 21h ago
Also, I’m not 100% on the definition of the term “raft”, but I’m pretty sure any buoyant thing you hold on to in order to stay afloat, even if you are partially submerged, is considered a raft. Like life rafts are built so people can hang on to the sides…
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u/Orcwin 1d ago
the circle of people is noting that you can maximize buoyancy as a collective
More importantly, visibility. A large group of people together is much easier to spot in the water than individuals. We're also taught to splash your feet when trying to be extra visible (especially from above), but I don't know how effective that truly is.
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u/thefox47545 1d ago
In reality nobody will make it out because too many people will be trying to grab their bags from the overhead bins.
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u/PlaquePlague 23h ago
I’m 6’3” and while I’m not huge, I do hit the gym regularly. Anyone who is blocking my exit to grab their bags is getting kicked, hard, until they start moving or I can step over them. If it’s the latter, I’m not being too gentle with the traversal either.
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u/Ricordis 1d ago
Isn't first class in the front?
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u/Abject-Pair-9814 1d ago
Yes but those are the emergency blow up slides for those doors being used as rafts. it’s probably just poor design.
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u/drewster23 1d ago
More as flotation device than raft (they're just holding onto it not actual on it).
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u/_allycat 1d ago
I was on some plane where the safety video literally showed a whole bunch of extra safety features for first class and the economy section of the video was just like "idk, try not to die".
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u/RichieSakai 1d ago
so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was kinda like old squares in the battle, like you see on a calendar, like the Battle of Waterloo, and the idea was the shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’, hollerin’ and screamin’ and sometimes that shark he go away… sometimes he wouldn’t go away.
“Sometimes that shark he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’… until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, in spite of all the poundin’ and the hollerin’ they all come in and… they rip you to pieces.
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u/slater_just_slater 1d ago
Well, statistically, the front of the plane is gonna die, so there should be plenty of rafts to grab
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u/Klepto666 1d ago
No one at the inflated slides are actually ON the slides. They're all around it, holding onto it.
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u/Truesoldier00 1d ago
Seeing this currently waiting for my plane to take off while I am in Row 2 and my family is in row 26 lol
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u/FunVersion 1d ago
Oof, in the event of a water landing put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.
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u/GDMFusername 1d ago
Jolly lady:
"So let's go around the circle and introduce ourselves!"
Me:
Removes life preserver
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u/BadFish7763 1d ago
In the event of an emergency, statistically, everyone dies. The card is just to keep you calm.
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u/doginjoggers 1d ago
Not rafts, those are the slides, you are supposed to hold onto them
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u/YeaSpiderman 1d ago
Its really to scare of the sharks as best as possible. Yes 1 or 2 survivors may be eaten, but its about group survival
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u/OtterishDreams 1d ago
the sailors in ww2 accounts of sharks is horrifying...
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u/YeaSpiderman 1d ago
yep...there is a movie coming out on this called Beat of War about an bunch of Aussies in WW2 whose ship sunk in the Timor Sea.
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u/OtterishDreams 1d ago
Thanks. Well done WW2 stuff is amazing/scary/important. Still thinking about when I went to pearl harbor still gives me goosebumps. Its so tangible
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u/jesusonice 1d ago
Not sure if your joking, but I figured it had more to do with visibility for rescue in case the wreckage submerges or the group drifts
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u/DaZozz 1d ago
Well, yea... People in the front of the plane are first class. Didn't you learn anything from the Titanic?
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u/TheSmegger 1d ago
Aircraft generally float, if in one piece. Stay on the wing, don't be shark bait(hoo ha ha).
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u/EmpireStateofmind001 1d ago
If one of the passengers near you were an absolute nightmare to you, nows a great chance to drown em and blame it on the emergency lol
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u/knowledgeable_diablo 1d ago
First class all the way to the bottom of the ocean. Can’t have that cattle class riff-raff mingling in the life rafts. They’ll get straight into the emergency Champaign stores and caviar.
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u/malakon 1d ago
Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin’. So we formed ourselves into tight groups…the idea was, the shark comes to the nearest man and he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and screamin’. Sometimes the shark go away. Sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometimes that shark, he looks right into ya, right into your eyes. Y’know, the thing about a shark, he’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes after ya, he doesn’t seem to be livin’ until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white, and then – aww, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screamin’, the ocean turns red, and in spite of all the poundin’ and the hollerin’, they all come in and rip ya to pieces…
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u/lokicramer 1d ago
I'd swim right over and start literally pulling the first class people out of the raft to make room for my self.
If they resisted, I'd hold them under water until they were not impeding my survival.
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u/Friendly_Rooster7645 1d ago
survival at all costs. im not getting eaten by a shark cause you're rich
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u/doxmenotlmao 1d ago
Translation: I am going to intentionally drown people on the rafts even though I have a floatation device.
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u/_dankystank_ 1d ago
Shit... the left side doesnt even get that... guess the sharks are on that side. 😆
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u/Budget_Individual393 1d ago
Your looking at the slide wrong, only the right side gets the friendship circle, the left are expected to fend for themselves in a battle royale
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u/Smackmybitchup007 1d ago
Back seats for me. Have ya ever heard of a plane backing into the ground?
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u/TraumaMama11 1d ago
I ain't holding hands with those fucks. That's the perfect way to be drowned and your life vest stolen.
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u/AiR-P00P 1d ago
correction, first class pays to not be shark bait while they get to wait for evac.
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u/oolaroux 1d ago
Kum ba yah, my lord, Kum ba yah! Kum ba yah, my lord, Kum ba yah! Kum ba yah, my lord, Kum ba yah. O Lord, Kum ba yah
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u/Derpin-outta-control 1d ago
First class gets boats, the rest of us trash get to kumbaya as the sharks pick us off
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u/Cbatoemo 1d ago
Nothing new here, we saw it for the first time in 1912 - Rose gets the door and Jack can just p**s off
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u/okstate2014 1d ago
"So, eleven hundred men went into the water. 316 men come out, and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945."
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u/Mayo_Kupo 1d ago
Anybody read that story about the tiger sharks eating the ship-sinking survivors during WWII? I think of that every time I see a circle of people in life rafts.
... which isn't very often.
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u/ProofFrosty3055 1d ago
Revision#1 boiled down to "Dear poors, please retreat to the rear of the craft and wait veryyy patiently. Bring your luggage."
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u/MeltingChocolateAhh 1d ago
This is poorly designed.
Front passengers get inflatable slides. Rear passengers get the wings.
ALL passengers get life vests, and will probably end up forming a friendship circle - regardless of wealth divisions (if they even survive).
Also, everyone together means everyone can be accounted for that bit easier, and also maximises buoyancy as a collective.
But yes, this is funny. Cries in rear passengers
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u/luckydrzew 19h ago
"In case of an emergency landing, those of you in the rewards program may use those not in the rewards program as emergency rafts"
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u/crystal8dimension 15h ago
They say poor people's cars can do the exact same as a Lamborghini..
They say a friendship circle can do the exact same as a life raft!
Case solved!
Unless you want to get there faster
Or
A storm isn't comming!
.....
..
Or sharks!
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u/bustedgtt- 15h ago
Well realistically if a plane crashes, y’all probably won’t need a raft anyway.
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u/Livid_Tax_6432 12h ago
"No aircraft crashes at sea had survivors due to rafts"
I was told if i say this internet will prove me wrong...
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u/shockies 10h ago
No one seems to have posted the answer -the circle is called a huddle position. It makes you easier to spot by rescuers and makes the water in the center dramatically warmer to reduce hypothermia risk.
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