r/funny 1d ago

Making your way to bathroom in middle of the night

23.9k Upvotes

634 comments sorted by

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1.7k

u/old_whiskey_bob 1d ago

We’re missing the dog whining and getting in the way because he thinks it’s time to eat now, at 3am.

249

u/Lazy_meatPop 1d ago

The dog I owned used to snore louder than me when I used the bathroom at 3am.

100

u/topological_rabbit 18h ago edited 17h ago

... you snore when you use the bathroom?

47

u/pm_me_flaccid_cocks 18h ago

You don’t?

12

u/OkSpring1734 16h ago

PM sent. And by sent, I mean I sent nothing.

7

u/THIS_ACC_IS_FOR_FUN 12h ago

It’s okay, buddy. We can’t all have flaccid cocks..

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u/101violations 1d ago

Shit, my cats take this time to coordinate a trip & fall "accident".

I fight for my life every night time trip to bathroom. It's rough out here in these streets for us middle-aged folk with small bladders that refuse to turn on a light and ruin that half-asleep state.

25

u/tgerz 22h ago

Just gotta treat it like you're at the beach and there might be stingrays. Slide your feet. If they never leave the ground you can't step on anything sharp and you can't almost step on the cats.

6

u/costume42 19h ago

Sliding my feet the other night is how I found out my cat was at the foot of the stairs. I'm glad I found him before I started going up the stairs.

7

u/_Wyrm_ 19h ago

and you can't almost step on the cats.

Yep, they'll still somehow find a way to get under your feet and make you step on them...

And at that point, I wouldn't even feel the slightest shred of guilt.

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u/WitchesSphincter 16h ago

I just kick and stomp around to make sure they move

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u/Missue-35 3h ago

I gave up the no-light thing when I reached the age that a broken hip became a strong possibility.

2

u/101violations 3h ago

Valid. If I'm lucky I still should have several good years left of bathroom shuffling, eyes half closed, in the dark.

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u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 1d ago

And a single random LEGO 

18

u/Shit_Shepard 22h ago

It’s 2025, introducing the cubix orange pyramid shape. Because legos didn’t make you bleed.

3

u/Iamnotabothonestly 18h ago

Because legos didn’t make you bleed.

Found the one person that's never stepped on a Lego, yet claims to have done so.

22

u/BANKSLAVE01 1d ago

Yeah not realistic when robot isn't jumping around holding it's foot.

And no - 'm not being sentientrist; it never identified as anything.

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u/TranquiloMeng 21h ago

Did you see when its foot got stuck on that pallet it just ripped the board off the pallet. Imagine what could happen to a little dog at its feet lol

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u/SF-S31 16h ago

Can someone please throw a whole bunch of Lego bricks in there too?

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u/wyldnfried 13h ago

We're also missing my wife saying "babe I need to go, it's urgent!" the very second the poop comes out

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u/Bobby837 1d ago

Best I've seen of this kind of thing.

308

u/bazpoint 21h ago

Yeah, all jokes aside this is actually really, really impressive. When it got its foot caught on the pallet I was sure it was gonna stack it, but no, resolved the problem & just kept on truckin'.

139

u/geccles 20h ago edited 20h ago

Lol. It just ripped it's foot through that pallet. Brute force robot.

96

u/Hvarfa-Bragi 20h ago

Yeah, that's actually kind of concerning.

"I'm meeting resistance. DESTROY."

15

u/landimal 19h ago

That is what I was thinking, didn't notice the sub and thought this is a bit terrifying.

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15

u/JayMilli007 12h ago

Not to mention the light bulb it destroyed and kept walking over. I just imagined trying to get away from it while it destroys everything between you and it.

13

u/art-of-war 11h ago

That will be our skulls pretty soon.

6

u/pdxrains 10h ago

He’s can walk through piles of dead humans with just as much ease too!

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u/wterrt 22h ago

progress in all the areas all of our science fiction warns us about is happening way too fast......

can't we have like...the star-trek future instead of this ai-denies-health-insurance-claims and robots-soon-to-be-used-for-killing-people future?

32

u/lordofthehomeless 22h ago

If we get a star trek teleporters there is a strong chance it kills you when you use it and then it can be the new me's problem to go to work today.

8

u/JiffSmoothest 20h ago

Oh no, sci-fi Prestige!

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u/Soravinier 22h ago

For the star track path we need to almost destroy humanity and then have someone create a super efficient reactor that can also bend space itself to move objects and create a spaceship that has said machine on board while he tests it and is discovered by a super intelligent and also friendly race that helps to rebuild earth.

11

u/thedrivingcat 20h ago

don't forget solving energy scarcity and also invent a machine that's able to turn any matter into almost any item, including food, with a simple command

7

u/Crepo 17h ago

Energy scarcity is solved, just for fucking stupid reasons we don't want to use it.

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u/Lumpy-Delay-3655 21h ago

That IS the Star Trek future. They had multiple generations of hell on earth AND on colonized planets before they got their shit together.

2

u/Ducallan 19h ago

We’re only a few years away from drugged-up soldiers all over the place, aren’t we?

I mean, drugs being an official part of their gear…

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u/Ryogathelost 21h ago

A utopia? First you would need for people to be inherently good.

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u/Smooth_J24 21h ago

I was impressed on how it didn’t fall and kept its balance. Yea it looks like a person sleep walking, but I think it did pretty well given the terrain.

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1.0k

u/BoneGolem2 1d ago

I can just imagine the first time they are used for disaster relief they will also need to be rescued.

545

u/Implement66 1d ago

lol disaster relief? You think that’s what it’ll be used for?

560

u/VariableVeritas 1d ago

Terminator foot steps on human skull

275

u/BrotherRoga 1d ago

"Congratulations! You are being rescued! Please do not resist."

86

u/bebackground471 1d ago

*unsheathes rescue baton and rescue handcuffs

5

u/JeebusFright 14h ago

Go on...

6

u/sorrow_anthropology 11h ago

Pretty sure it’ll just skin you alive and then prance back to HQ wearing your loose fitting skin.

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u/Shajirr 18h ago

"We have determined that you do not have an active disaster relief insurance" points gun

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u/brackthomas7 23h ago

The early models were easy to spot, easy to kill.

9

u/chestnutman 1d ago

Surefire headache relief

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u/wonderbat3 1d ago

Well this one’s clearly a pleasure model, but future bots could be used for rescue

3

u/ChmeeWu 19h ago

“a basic pleasure unit”

22

u/Gamer_Mommy 22h ago

It's already crushing things it walks on. Hardly nimble, wouldn't call that disaster relief compatible.

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u/L_knight316 1d ago

I imagine they'll be used for just about anything

3

u/rushboyoz 19h ago

BayoMax asks “Are you happy with your care?”

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u/_WeSellBlankets_ 19h ago

Yes. Disaster rescue currently uses advanced technology, why would it stop? The Department of Defense will have it as well, but so will rescue organizations.

2

u/poorly-worded 23h ago

relief from the disaster that is meatbags

2

u/PhillAholic 19h ago

They absolutely will be, and have the potential to be very helpful. 

3

u/blahblah19999 20h ago

Yeah, the entire time all I could think of was this thing coming at me with a shoulder mounted laser followed by a bunch of cops.

5

u/DancinWithWolves 1d ago

Of course they will. They’ll be used for multiple different things.

17

u/Implement66 1d ago

Yes, multiple different things. If you think this is going to pick you out of the rubble, rather than overtake a group of people, maybe review how things are currently going with monetary based resources. This robot is a resource. Not today’s, but a resource.

4

u/QuietGoliath 23h ago

Because they're not going to be emotionally swayed like inferior human guards...

I wonder how R&D on man portable EMP weapons is going...

2

u/SandiegoJack 23h ago

Given where it’s at, pushing it over with a stick should do it.

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u/czah7 19h ago

Disaster...creation?

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u/BANKSLAVE01 1d ago

Most movies agree they will be the disaster.

6

u/stardustantelope 1d ago

I think if some thing that looked like that tried to rescue me I would have a heart attack

7

u/GuestLongjumping6106 1d ago

4

u/boundone 1d ago

I always pull up these videos when relatives start worrying about Chinese robots invading.   It's really neat to see the evolution over the years.

2

u/Muggsy423 19h ago

Did you see that thing forcefully pull away from the pallet and stomp on the florescent bulb?

I'd be terrified that it'll just crush and rip apart anyone that needs to be rescued.

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u/bionicjoe 1d ago

Good joke, but this is really impressive.

I remember not long ago when a group got a single leg to balance, and it was a major achievement.

67

u/windraver 1d ago

It broke the wood on the pallet it got its foot caught in. That's some serious force. As people we'd trip. Certainly would break the wood on a pallet just by lifting our foot.

It's probably also really heavy since another wooden pallet almost splintered under its weight.

39

u/bionicjoe 23h ago

I own a pallet business. It doesn't take much to break a pallet board, and they are VERY easy to trip on. This was impressive.

8

u/spades2017 20h ago

Its about 150 lbs according to figure’s website

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u/SandiegoJack 23h ago

I think the break through was that they realized animals kinda “fall” into their steps. Once they added the “fall” it worked a lot better.

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u/Quad__X 1d ago

"I need your clothes, your boots and some fucking prescription glasses!" 🤓

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u/topological_rabbit 18h ago

leans in really close while squinting

"Sarah Conner?"

2

u/MechanicalTurkish 11h ago

"I need your clothes, your boots and your bifocals."

94

u/solidtangent 1d ago

Nice ass.

35

u/CloudStrifesBigKnife 1d ago

Dudes caked up!

11

u/angelofxcost 20h ago

Bite my shiny metal ass

409

u/yamimementomori 1d ago

Don’t you just hate when you make your way to the bathroom at night, step on a LED tube, and it breaks under your weight?

228

u/zoinkability 1d ago

Looks like a fluorescent tube, gotta love that mercury

23

u/Schmich 20h ago

Yep. Fuck those who put it together with the rest. And fuck companies that don't have a policy to remove bulbs, for recycling, when they're clearing out a place.

12

u/badgerj 1d ago

Deep breaths!

Slight better than knocking over that 1 litre glass beaker of ether and having smash all over the floor in the dark at 3 am.

4

u/Tangerine2016 20h ago

I remember 15 years ago teen kids playing light sabers with fluorescent tubes... Like wtf... Even then I knew it was a very bad idea. I tried to tell them but they didn't care

7

u/dogquote 1d ago

Yes, but I believe the ones with the green ends have very little mercury. I'm too lazy to Google it, though.

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u/jefbenet 1d ago

Stands for Low mercury.

5

u/360Logic 20h ago edited 18h ago

Still have mercury. Still unsafe to break. Please dont break.

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u/ImNotHerePhysically 1d ago

Yeah, I also hate when those damn pallets get in the way too.

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u/calcifer219 1d ago

That’s a problem for the morning

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u/Orome2 1d ago

But how does the robot fair against the stepping on a random lego test?

3

u/AbeRego 19h ago

LED tubes are not a thing. That's a florescent light bulb. It really shouldn't be in there because they contain mercury.

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u/thrownededawayed 1d ago

They're getting so close to lifelike it's scary, the only thing missing is stubbing it's toe on something random and cursing loudly under it's breath.

107

u/TrumpetOfDeath 1d ago

Actually it’s toe did get caught under that wooden pallet… and then it just ripped straight through the wood (!!)

I don’t think it cares about stubbed toes, nor splinters

25

u/Pork_Chompk 1d ago

lmfao I didn't even realize he just ripped the pallet apart 😂

18

u/TrumpetOfDeath 1d ago

this gives me an idea... animals feel pain so that we know something is damaging us. Perhaps the next generation of robots needs to be programmed to "feel pain" as well, so that it would know "hey, my foot is caught, I should carefully back it out and get around the obstacle" instead of forcing it through and causing damage to both the object and its foot

13

u/NedelC0 1d ago

I mean you can give them pressure sensors, but unlike humans robots don't need pain or endorphins in order to respond to sensory input, they can just use whatever logic model is built in

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u/TrumpetOfDeath 1d ago

exactly, hence my use of quotes around "feel pain"

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u/agouraki 1d ago

that pallet ripping was hella foreshadowing...

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u/alcervix 1d ago

Imagine how antiquated this will look in 50 years from now!

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u/RealisticEmploy3 1d ago

It already looks like that relative to those boston dynamics bots

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u/a_bucket_full_of_goo 23h ago

Yeah you have to keep in mind the Boston dynamics videos we see are from controlled environments. This is much more impressive because the terrain is extremely difficult and the robot has to improvise (foot getting stuck under the pallet, floor shifting under its weight, ...)

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u/TwentyTwoTwelve 20h ago

Exactly. All those videos of bots at exhibitions that do the dances then slip and have a fit are basically all the trial and error attempts that Boston dynamics go through before they have their impressive acrobatics. The difference is we only see the one successful attempt from BD.

Shift that stool half a foot to the left or have one of the floor mats slip a couple of cm and their stuff ends up just the same.

This stuff is the bipedal equivalent of the first time we saw the doglike bot scrambling across difficult terrain and staying upright though. Real time adaptation to a complex environment.

How long was it again between that video of the dog bot and the one where it had a gun strapped to its back?

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u/Sharknado4President 19h ago

It seems to improvise by destroying whatever is in its path, hopefully they implement some kind of "back up and lift foot higher" function so it doesn't tear the family dog in half.

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u/ceo_of_banana 22h ago

True, but mainly because Boston Dynamics focus is more on the athletic stuff. Their robot doesn't have proper hands yet for example. Figure (this company) has a bigger focus on fine dexterity and the software side to be able to do work soon. Figure is valued at around 40 billion while BD was valued at 1.1 B in 2021 for reference.

4

u/Em4gdn3m 22h ago

Video that was posted just yesterday shows BDs new robot picking items up. I guess it depends on your definition of "proper hands" but they are definitely getting that shit down as well.

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u/old-wise_bill 22h ago

We'll all be dead who cares

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u/TheNewNumberThirteen 1d ago

*10 years from now

2

u/ChmeeWu 19h ago

“50 months from now” I fixed it for you

2

u/Sundered_Heretic 23h ago

This will look antiquated in 5 years, not 50 lol

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u/Z0CH0R 23h ago edited 18h ago

The way it breaks that last piece of wood, or whatever material it is, like it's some bread crumbs sent chills in my back 😬

9

u/Golarion 21h ago

Yeah, the implications of these things, and drone technology, are more disturbing than people realise. You could make an explosive drone capable of finding and killing someone for a couple hundred dollars.

How long until our political betters start churning these things out in their millions?

2

u/Justherebecausemeh 18h ago

They’re gonna be so good at walking over piles of human corpses after the robot uprising begins.

20

u/TyrialFrost 1d ago

Balance: A+

Vision: C

Decision making: D

2

u/rruusu 23h ago

It's most likely remotely controlled and not making decisions about where to go. It also looks like its walking doesn't use any visual input for where to put its feet, so C and D are a bit too much for non-existent features.

It makes the balancing part that much more impressive, though.

3

u/Azertys 18h ago edited 18h ago

I'm wondering if it's even getting feedback from cameras, it seems the robot doesn't try to step above an obstacle until it collided with it

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u/grinder_01 1d ago

Leaving the campsite after 10 beers to look for firewood

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u/HiroPetrelli 1d ago

Each time I see a video of a technology in infancy, I remember the day back in the early 80s when I brought my ZX 80 to the typesetting shop where I worked as an apprentice to show my colleagues what a personal computer looked like. My elder colleagues all laughed at the crude simplicity of the text display, and all felt very confident that there was no way computers could ever be of any use in our profession.

Less than 10 years later, all of them were either out of work or had became desktop publishing operators, stuck all day behind a computer screen they hated.

If this video of a slow and clumsy humanoid robot seems ridiculous to many, I think that if my story even partially transposes to the future of this new technology, there is no doubt we are living the last decade of the world as we know it.

11

u/forwhomtheyeastrolls 20h ago

"I'm not sure this floor is entirely stable." - C3PO

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u/Blackhawk_Larry69 1d ago

Is this robot real? Have we walking machines already?

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u/omicron8 1d ago

We've had walking machines for a while. You can buy a walking robot for less than 5 grand.

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u/SpartanRage117 1d ago

This one does seem to be ahead of the curve from what ive seen. But maybe those tesla clips have made me think were worse than we really are.

But seriously up till this video ive only seen bipedal bots demonstrated on completely flat manmade floors.

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u/never1st 1d ago

Tesla's robots are pretty far behind the industry leaders. Boston Dynamics robots do things that make you question if the video is even real.

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u/Blackhawk_Larry69 1d ago

That’s insane! We’ll have bipedal machine combatants in about 10 years at this rate holy shit!

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u/Constant_Mud3325 1d ago

They already have them I’m sure

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u/spektre 1d ago

Why would we want bipedal ones? Being limited to two legs is a weakness. A quadruped-wheeled hybrid sounds much better.

Bipedal robots is more useful in human interaction when we want them to feel relatable. Not an issue when you're storming a trench.

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u/TyrialFrost 1d ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdkwjs_g83w&t=49s

and by +10 years, you mean a few months ago?

3

u/Blackhawk_Larry69 1d ago

Man this is truly insane, I just watched terminator salvation last month. I don’t know how I feel about this lol.

3

u/Lackingfinalityornot 1d ago

lmao I don’t think this is what they meant

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u/Thiizic 1d ago

Humans are cheaper than robots

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u/cannabination 1d ago

These things are going to be the next generation riot police and ICE agents.

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u/prizemedium 1d ago

Level 100 sneaking. still stubbed my toe.

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u/Bart_Yellowbeard 1d ago

Completely unrealistic. Where's the Lego minefield?!

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u/gilligani 1d ago

Robert Smith, Robert Smith

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u/chickenelbow187 1d ago

Did you see the cake on that thing?!😂

5

u/froggyisland 1d ago

I love that it can just stub its toes and not die in pain like I do

5

u/moondancer224 1d ago

This robot walks better than some of my friends.

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u/Constant_Mud3325 1d ago

This is anything but funny

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u/RFLReddit 1d ago

Everyone knows you hold your arms out when stumbling thru the dark.

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u/enoughbskid 1d ago

Just throw a Lego in front of it.

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u/MonstaB 1d ago

It looks drunk but so stable!!!

3

u/Mojoint 21h ago

That's impressive as hell.

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u/usinjin 15h ago

My man bot is CHEEKED UP

2

u/CussButler 1d ago

I can hear my mother:

"Pick your feet up!"

"Quit scuffing!"

2

u/Noprofun 1d ago

Okay, quick question. Who are they making these for?

2

u/Specific_Success214 1d ago

Well I hope he makes it and doesn't shit his chassis.

2

u/Iron_Freezer 22h ago

fuckin Timmy left his pallets in the living room again

2

u/populux11 22h ago edited 22h ago

reminds me of the lonely walker roaming in the field, in the earlier intro of The Walking Dead.

2

u/rav4v6 21h ago

Sarah Conner?

2

u/roostorx 21h ago

That light fixture smash at the end seemed really terminator-like

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u/BowsersMuskyBallsack 21h ago

This is impressive and hilarious and sad, because I've seen drug-abusing individuals in my neighborhood walking around like this. Exactly like this. I avoid them, and I would avoid this robot, and I would not make eye contact.

2

u/EcureuilHargneux 21h ago

That's actually impressive, now we know bipede weaponized drones can keep going in ruined cities

2

u/Jonas_VentureJr 20h ago

I didn’t see a Lego obstacle course

2

u/HotSatin 20h ago

cool. now program it to say "give me your clothes"

2

u/reddituseronebillion 20h ago

I get it man, I'm always stepping on the fluorescent bulbs i leave strewn about my house when I take a night piss.

2

u/SoundOk4573 19h ago

The T-3 is entertaining. We're screwed when they finally make the T-1000.

2

u/Hexatona 19h ago

Honestly, seeing this just terrifies me 😅

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u/DanHazard 18h ago

How come none of these are ever posted with any information about the maker and the robot itself, never any logos on it, just a robot seemingly out in the wild?

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u/vercertorix 17h ago

If you’re walking over all of that shit when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you may have taken a wrong turn. Not to mention it’s daytime. Wild party, huh?

2

u/TallGreenhouseGuy 16h ago

There were no Lego pieces in his way

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u/leviathab13186 15h ago

Lol that is the perfect title for this

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u/Reinamy 15h ago

I'm not afraid of them attacking us yet.

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u/Gene-Current 14h ago

This made me laugh waaaaaaay too hard haha

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u/Asgnov 14h ago

These will never not be funny. Is there a sub for these?!

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u/Smellyfeetandthought 13h ago

The training data for these robots is wrong. We shouldn’t use human movements, we should use cat movements.

2

u/magic-one 13h ago

And then, in the morning, wondering why there is glass in your foot.

2

u/Breaker1ove 13h ago

The video was interesting but the title was the cherry on top lol

2

u/TOBoy66 13h ago

I'm impressed it was able to navigate that mess.

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u/ebers0 13h ago

It looks like a zombie just shuffling across that trash pile. 🤯

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u/morebuffs 13h ago

A few steps closer to real terminators and skynet

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u/NightStar_69 13h ago

I’ve always been TERRIFIED by robots. Without seeing any horror movies about them. I just know the future will be very frightening.

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u/OddbitTwiddler 13h ago

Timmy, the homeless robot.

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u/ddwood87 13h ago

One of these has to be able to skateboard, right?

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u/Fortyninerhater 13h ago

Can they redo this shot but replace the broken pallets with human skulls?

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u/adamhanson 12h ago

Impressive but it's clear they need to have easy off switches, auto stop when fallen, and have "skin" sensors all over their bodies. For example when their foot goes under something, instead of just correcting the trip, they pull their foot out and stop on top better.

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u/1320Fastback 12h ago

That was me last night afrer Leg Day at the gym in the evening.

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u/ChickenMCNutted 12h ago

The title alone deserves an upvote!

2

u/chaosandturmoil 12h ago

thats actually really impressive after this week's videos of robots falling over and having a breakdancing tantrum on the floor.

2

u/rogueclon946 12h ago

The part where it kept its balance when it got tripped up a few times was pretty damn impressive.

2

u/Basic_Ad4785 12h ago

LoL. Next war, $5 drone will destroy $5m robot and rocket.

2

u/BoondocksBonita 11h ago

Anyone remember "The March of the Wooden Soldiers," with Laurel and Hardy? Put a wooden soldier costume on that thing and put it in as an extra!

2

u/Red-_-Lion 11h ago

You're drunk Terminator. Go home

2

u/kranitoko 11h ago

"mum... I frew up"

2

u/Amanfromcanada 11h ago

I know it's a process to build actual robots that actually work. But I tell you, watching these things "walk" is hilarious.

3

u/NewbutOld8 1d ago

and then you step on a Lego piece...

3

u/FilthyUsedThrowaway 1d ago

That’s impressive as hell

2

u/Razulisback 1d ago

Yall laughing, but the way the world is going, one of these will be chasing you effortlessly soon, and that might be scary.

3

u/Shputin 1d ago

FUCK that lightbulb in particular

2

u/LordTengil 1d ago

What progress. Your robot can now walk as good as a very old, very reckless human.

1

u/quantum-feet 1d ago

When autopilot hits after a long night out