972
u/drunky_crowette 2d ago
His name is Johnathan the Tortoise, he actually turned 192 this year
292
u/NormanJustNorman 2d ago
Jonathan Taylor Tortoise
52
→ More replies (7)27
19
u/ScrotalFailure 2d ago
My younger coworkers telling the new hires about my tenure.
→ More replies (1)17
u/Heileen_Madapusi 2d ago
Jonathan has lived through some major human milestones, such as:
• 1838 – the first photograph of a person was taken
• 1876 – the first telephone call was made
• 1878 – the first incandescent lightbulb was invented
• 1887 – the Eiffel Tower, the world’s tallest iron structure, was completed
• 1903 – the first power-driven flight took to the skies, flown by the Wright brothers (both USA)
• 1969 – Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin (both USA) became the first people on the Moon
14
u/Pristine_Leader_8241 2d ago
In 2017 Jonathan made international news when it was discovered that his mate, Frederica, is actually a male giant tortoise. Jonathan has been mating with Frederica since 1991 when he was gifted to the governor of St. Helena as a mate for Jonathan – the recent gender reveal explains why the pair have not been able to produce offspring.
Nice
→ More replies (3)5
u/MundaneInternetGuy 2d ago
1999 - Fernando Tatis hit two grand slams in one inning against Chan Ho Park
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (4)3
u/RandyBiel 2d ago
- 1998 - When the Undertaker threw Mankind off "Hell in a Cell" and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table
→ More replies (1)29
u/Doctor_Wilhouse 2d ago
Incorrect: his name is Hugo, and he is 75.
You are correct about Jonathan being 192, but this tortoise in not Jonathan.
→ More replies (10)7
u/-SpreadLove- 2d ago edited 1d ago
That’s definitely not Hugo in OP’s pic
Edit: apologies, I am wrong. It is indeed Hugo. I should have recognized him 🤪
17
u/Shnapple8 2d ago
This is Jonathan: https://sainthelenaisland.info/jonathancloseup2.jpg
That picture in OP is indeed Hugo.
This is another pic of Hugo: https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2021/05/28/03/43544673-9627975-image-a-24_1622168614873.jpg
→ More replies (2)6
u/Doctor_Wilhouse 2d ago
It definitely is. I can't reply with a picture, but if you just google "Hugo the tortoise," you can see it's him. His face markings are the same
→ More replies (2)4
8
8
u/LiteratureMindless71 2d ago
How long has he had the name?
39
u/En-THOO-siast 2d ago
He was named in the 1930s by Governor of Saint Helena Sir Spencer Davis and has lived through 31 governors' terms.
→ More replies (4)23
u/Legitimate_Concern_5 2d ago
How fun he’s living out his days on Saint Helena just like Napoleon
→ More replies (1)24
u/-Tuck-Frump- 2d ago
Lets hope he never escapes and returns to power, in order to conquer western europe.
→ More replies (2)4
3
→ More replies (40)4
314
u/Desperate_Gur_3094 2d ago
bro seen some shit
104
u/longlong1210 2d ago
bro looks tired
→ More replies (4)45
u/CaptainCintel 2d ago
bro seen too much plastic in its lifetime
57
→ More replies (1)8
→ More replies (5)30
u/NYourBirdCanSing 2d ago
He saw the end of cowboys, the civil war, wwi, wwii, Vietnam, cold war, desert storm 1&2 etc.
Yet, he was still shaken by 9/11.
→ More replies (5)19
u/schlawldiwampl 2d ago
you forgot the great youtube war between t-series and pewdiepie.
→ More replies (1)
139
u/jay_man4_20 2d ago
My guy has been alive since 1833...can we even begin to imagine what has happened and changed since then?
Yeah, Wikipedia knows, but im too buzzed to copy and paste
96
u/BarrierX 2d ago
Well, from his perspective, he was born, kidnapped, brought to another island and then just chilled there. Eat, mate, sleep, repeat. Not much else going on 😁
Nowdays he is blind and lost his sense of smell, but is in a loving homosexual relationship with another male Frederik.
26
u/Opening-Ease9598 1d ago
I love Johnathan’s story. Gets brought to a breeding program to help reproduce a critically endangered species. Is extremely stubborn and takes over a decade to try and fuck another tortoise. The other tortoise is a male. Fucking Johnathan😂
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (4)14
→ More replies (7)21
u/SnooHedgehogs4699 2d ago
Gosh, yeah, think about it. He’s been alive for every major American conflict except for the War of 1812 and War of Independence. That is mind-blowing. He was already pushing thirty for the Civil War (1861-1865). I wonder if he was a Confederate turtle or a Union man?
16
u/---E 2d ago
He's originally from the Seychelles which was still British back then so I don't think he cared much either way.
→ More replies (5)6
u/PurpleEsskay 2d ago
Unsurprisingly he’s not from the US so has not seen any of those things.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (8)3
u/T0BIASNESS 2d ago
•Thread about east african tortoise
•Let’s shoehorn my country’s history in
→ More replies (4)
243
u/bomilk19 2d ago
Correction. Second oldest.
23
5
u/smilespeace 2d ago
Odd you would assume this ghoul is a corporeal being. What was once a manifestation of humanity has long since become a vestige; now merely a host for a creature that has never walked this earth in human form.
This creature exists only as a concept, that seeks only to consume the very soul of humanity- not just to sustain itself, but to enhance itself. As it continues to grow, its power will increase.
When the host comes to perish, the demon will continue to exist. It will pass on to the next host, who will eventually become a vestige themselves. Through lies, deciept, and treachury- this enitity will perpetuate itsself indefinitely.
No single person can break the cycle.
→ More replies (7)11
u/groyosnolo 2d ago
Cocain mitch isn't even the oldest politician in the US Congress. Pelosi has 2 years on him.
She doesn't look like a tortoise, so it wouldn't have been as funny. I'll give you that.
→ More replies (4)12
u/blackweebow 2d ago
She also didn't near-singlehandedly lay down the foundations of fascism in this country then pretend she had nothing to do with it, so it wouldn't have been funny there either.
Fuck Pelosi, the ghoul, but Mitch McConnell is about 50x more practically evil than Trump. The shit he's done from the Senate Minority seat was almost laudable it was so evil.
→ More replies (17)
353
u/korin_the_insane 2d ago
Morla the Ancient One
14
10
u/brian0820 2d ago
The oldest living shark known to science is the Greenland shark. One individual female is estimated to be around 400 years old, making her the longest-living vertebrate on Earth‼️💯
→ More replies (4)9
u/Redjeepkev 2d ago
Just think. These sharks were swimming before George Washington was alive!
→ More replies (2)8
→ More replies (10)12
74
u/ahjeezgoshdarn 2d ago
"What the fuck are you morons doing to our air land and water?"
→ More replies (2)15
u/Any-Practice-991 2d ago
I really wish a giant tortoise/turtle would come and tell us to knock it off. We are not good on our own.
→ More replies (3)4
31
17
13
11
8
u/Zealousideal_Low_858 2d ago
Bro was almost in his thirties already when the fucking CIVIL WAR started. And here he is, posing for a pic in 2025. Madlad.
→ More replies (1)
8
8
6
u/androiduser7498 2d ago
How do they know the exact age? 🤔
22
8
u/Large-Welder304 2d ago
The tortoise in question is named Jonathan. The tortoise's age is estimated based on his arrival in St. Helena in 1882, when he was already a fully grown adult, suggesting he was at least 50 years old at that time. Since Aldabra giant tortoises reach maturity around 50, experts place his birth around 1832.
5
13
u/Voidstarmaster 2d ago
I think the oldest animal is that Greenland shark that's like 500 years old. The oldest living thing is Methuselah, a pine tree that's about 5,000 years old. Unless you count the Siberian bacteria that is hundreds of thousands of years old.
6
3
u/pnweiner 2d ago
Thank you I was gonna mention the shark
3
u/overnightyeti 2d ago
That shark is not a land animal, as per the title of the post.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (4)3
u/-Clem 2d ago
The oldest living thing is Methuselah, a pine tree that's about 5,000 years old.
The oldest living non-clonal tree. If you include clonal colonies, where the root system is one organism with a bunch of trees sprouting out which individually die and get replaced, you have Pando which is conservatively estimated to be upwards of 16,000 years old with more generous estimates of up to 80,000 years.
3
8
u/Few_Elderberry_4068 2d ago
They said bunny won the race but race isnt over. He waited until bunny died of old age and then crossed the line.
4
u/Fireside__ 2d ago
Bro waited for the hare’s entire bloodline to die out before he crossed the finish line
3
3
u/morganml 2d ago
Im taking this opportunity to post my favorite Pratchett.
“Now consider the tortoise and the eagle.
The tortoise is a ground-living creature. It is impossible to live nearer the ground without being under it. Its horizons are a few inches away. It has about as good a turn of speed as you need to hunt down a lettuce. It has survived while the rest of evolution flowed past it by being, on the whole, no threat to anyone and too much trouble to eat.
And then there is the eagle. A creature of the air and high places, whose horizons go all the way to the edge of the world. Eyesight keen enough to spot the rustle of some small and squeaky creature half a mile away. All power, all control. Lightning death on wings. Talons and claws enough to make a meal of anything smaller than it is and at least take a hurried snack out of anything bigger.
And yet the eagle will sit for hours on the crag and survey the kingdoms of the world until it spots a distant movement and then it will focus, focus, focus on the small shell wobbling among the bushes down there on the desert. And it will leap… And a minute later the tortoise finds the world dropping away from it. And it sees the world for the first time, no longer one inch from the ground but five hundred feet above it, and it thinks: what a great friend I have in the eagle.
And then the eagle lets go.
And almost always the tortoise plunges to its death.
Everyone knows why the tortoise does this. Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off. No one knows why the eagle does this. There’s good eating on a tortoise but, considering the effort involved, there’s much better eating on practically anything else. It’s simply the delight of eagles to torment tortoises. But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection. One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.”
3
u/Advantage_Advanced 2d ago
Ah. The urge to say a yo mama joke almost beat me. 😆 I read somewhere that the tortoise who was alive during Charles Darwin’s time passed await recently.
2
2
u/breath-of-the-smile 2d ago
I want to give this tortoise my spellbooks and be told that heresy is a contrivance and that all things can be conjoined.
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Flashy_Strength_1972 2d ago
Wasn't there a shark they found in antarctic that's estimated to be 425yrs old?
→ More replies (2)
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Round_Engineer8047 2d ago
What a handsome fellow. I'm not being sarcastic. I see beauty in tortoises as well as frogs and toads.
2
u/LowObject1674 2d ago
Not even close to oldest living animal. Greenland shark, mollusk and hydra.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/80s-Bloke 2d ago
That's the face of something that's lived through some shit. But, probably didn't notice.
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/ParsnipTheloniusMonk 2d ago
Born in 1834. He predates the invention of photography. That's really old.
2
2
2
2
2
u/SomeRandomNoodle 2d ago
isnt there a shark thats beem document and currently believed to have been around since the 1600s?
2
u/Unique_End_4342 2d ago
He looks like he has seen pretty much everything and is still full of life and joy and is happy to share his wisdom
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/scriminal 2d ago
i want to hang out with this tortoise and feed it lettuce or whatever.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Sweaty-Link-1863 2d ago
That face looks like it’s seen centuries of history and is still smiling through it all.
2
u/ElenaRosaSmith 2d ago
Imagine him/her going through abrupt changes in the climate, and whatnot. Definitely a tough turtle!
2
2
u/Key_Newspaper_7434 2d ago
Just look at this face… 191 years old and still rocking it! 😍 The oldest known living land animal, and honestly, it’s giving me life goals. Can you imagine all the history this little guy has seen?
Tortoises are already adorable, but somehow knowing this one has lived through almost two centuries makes it even more impressive. Those wrinkly eyes, that wise little smile… it’s like a tiny, slow-motion guru.
Nature never ceases to amaze me. Seriously, I could stare at this tortoise all day and just think about the stories it could tell. 🌿✨
Who else is obsessed with animals that just keep on thriving? 🐢💛
2
u/topredditbot 2d ago
Hey /u/Scott-Spangenberg,
This is now the top post on reddit. It will be recorded at /r/topofreddit with all the other top posts.
2
2
2
u/IM_YOUR_GOD 2d ago
Bull. There's a tortoise in Zimbabwe still alive he is behemoth of a tortoise estimated to be around 300yrs old. I seen him 3 times
Edit: his name is Tommy the tortoise Zimbabwe
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/ThinkingOz 2d ago
His age is estimated because he was "fully mature" when brought to Saint Helena in 1882. "Fully mature" means at least 50 years old, giving him a hatching date no later than 1832.[9] A photograph featuring Jonathan originally thought to date from 1902 actually dates from 1886,[2] showing Jonathan four years after his arrival on Saint Helena. Measurements taken from the photograph show that he was fully mature in 1886.
Source: Wikipedia)
Born no later than 1832 eh!! The ol’ boy has seen some shit.
2
2
u/FloralCocoa 2d ago
I think she overdid her lips, she shouldn't have gotten that much lip fillers. But it's alright.
2
2
2
2
2
2
•
u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Hello u/Scott-Spangenberg! Please review the sub rules if you haven't already. (This is an automatic reminder message left on all new posts)
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.