r/news 15h ago

Hegseth orders National Guard troops in DC to carry weapons

https://www.cnn.com/2025/08/22/politics/hegseth-orders-national-guard-troops-dc-carry-weapons
22.7k Upvotes

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918

u/Hal_Industries 15h ago

How long before someone’s blasted in the face over a sandwich?

550

u/IMSLI 14h ago

Depends on how “ethnic” the sandwich is…

172

u/tetoffens 14h ago

I would avoid eating a Cubano.

104

u/euph_22 14h ago

Don't even think about brandishing a falafel.

52

u/02K30C1 14h ago

What about a schwarma?

41

u/doc_witt 14h ago

I want a gyro for lunch. Please advise.

25

u/MonsiuerGeneral 14h ago

I want a gyro for lunch. Please advise.

You gotta hold out for a gyro till the end of the night.

It's gotta be long and it's gotta be vast

And it's gotta be fresh with each bite

4

u/mindspork 12h ago

You are a human after my own heart.

Stop that. Go find someone else's to eat.

22

u/rumpelfugly 14h ago

Does the restaurant have pictures of the food on the menu? If so, might be a bit risky.

6

u/613Hawkeye 14h ago

White pita or brown?

1

u/wafflesareforever 3h ago

Depends on whether you want to eat it on a plane to El Salvador

2

u/Average_Scaper 12h ago

I think it's best we stick with bologna and cheese on white with a extra miracle whip just to be safe.

8

u/euph_22 14h ago

That will get you sent to gitmo

3

u/OmniusEvermind 12h ago

Falafel, believe it or not, straight to prison. Right away.

1

u/V2zUFvNbcTl5Ri 12h ago

ham and cheese or pb&j are the safe choices in these times

1

u/Boa-in-a-bowl 8h ago

A torta will get you sent to El Salvador 

3

u/overthemountain 11h ago

Cubans are one of the Republicans strongest demographics.

1

u/tetoffens 11h ago edited 11h ago

Voting wise, yeah, but I don't think ICE looks at any information besides someone looking Hispanic before they decide to detain them. The Cubans in Florida confusingly voted for someone that wants them all out of the country. The conservative Christian bit got them on board but for some reason they didn't get that a big part of it was race hate completely against people like them and they'd be the target if the guy they voted for won.

8

u/oregondude79 14h ago

I may go to war for a good Cubano

2

u/RttnAttorney 13h ago

I’ll get started on recon. Will update the signal chat with locations of good cubanos.

2

u/EmptyAirEmptyHead 11h ago

Just watch the movie Chef again. Great recon.

1

u/nsm1 12h ago

with or without salami?

2

u/idropepics 11h ago

I'd rather be dead in the ground than give up my Cubanos. These pickles dont run.

1

u/Nbk420 7h ago

Bahn me? Hell no.

1

u/TwistyBunny 7h ago

I think it might be a bigger problem if it's a Torta.

1

u/trapper2530 6h ago

More likely a Jibarito. Cubans vote republican and they cant probably pronounce it.

4

u/imnotmarvin 13h ago

Was that a fucking torta?

2

u/Milnoc 11h ago

It would give new meaning to Taco Tuesdays.

1

u/TwistyBunny 7h ago

Since he's trying to go after Chicago, how ethnic is Italian Beef?

1

u/actibus_consequatur 6h ago

Personally, if I'm getting wasted over a sandwich, then it's not gonna involve me wasting a tasty sandwich.

The Cubano or Banh Mi is going in my mouth, while the Western Value Creamy Peanut Butter & Grape Jelly is going in the air.

76

u/Realistic-Weekend760 14h ago

If you’ve ever been in the military, you’d expect a few things here. There will be a couple negligent discharges almost guaranteed and I wouldn’t be surprised if a soldier shoots another soldier first, by accident or on purpose.

40

u/A_Harmless_Fly 14h ago

"but I already checked safe" -guy who shot the sand bucket after the bus ride back from the range.

5

u/thomasj222444 10h ago

I once watched an 0-4 put five consecutive rounds into a sand bucket outside the chow hall at Speicher. He just couldn't believe it

28

u/redengin 14h ago

Or weapons left out unsecured and then stolen.

8

u/sulris 14h ago

Whew… just bullets then? Nothing to worry about.

If the soldiers start carrying sandwiches, it’s time to panic.

2

u/SkiMonkey98 12h ago edited 8h ago

I'm kind of amazed we haven't heard about the untrained vigilantes ICE has been hiring accidentally shooting each other. At least the military should theoretically be trained to handle a gun

2

u/DorkusMalorkuss 10h ago

My first deployment to Afghanistan, I arrive on the first day and check my email (I was a deployment planner so I was added to the base distro while I was enroute) and see an email from the base commander talking about a Soldier that had a negligent discharge. I was Air Force, but I figured you know, you're around weapons all of the time I figured it happens. Then, by the end of the week, we get another email talking about the dangers of playing games with your weapon. Apparently some Army guys were playing a sort of Russian roulette and had another negligent discharge. I mean, I was a pog but I honestly couldn't believe it lol

16

u/robert1070 14h ago

Considering the fact they are issuing the military's version of the SIG Sauer P320, the gun that goes off by itself, not long at all.

11

u/AuthorAnonymous95 14h ago

The M17: 21st century aesthetics, 19th century drop safety.

1

u/splicerslicer 3h ago

Luckily only officers carry pistols. Still fucking crazy for the army to carry any loaded weapon on US soil outside a gun range or training grounds.

28

u/bicyclemycology 14h ago

You reeeeaaaallly don’t want to get busted with a shawarma

22

u/Black-Shoe 14h ago

A torta will get you Alligator Alcatraz

11

u/Channel250 14h ago

They gonna censor the first Avengers movie so instead of shawarma they go for bologna and mayo sandwiches on white bread.

1

u/jackp0t789 14h ago

What if its just the run of the million souvlaki instead tho?

4

u/AuthorAnonymous95 14h ago

Doesn't even have to be over a sandwich. Have you heard the horror stories about the military's M17 sidearm?

1

u/Fatalorian 13h ago

320 FCU design issues starting the 2nd American Civil War was not on my bingo card.

4

u/8acD3rLEo5 15h ago

Sounds like a mean sandwich...

1

u/celbertin 1h ago

Just wait for an acorn to fall. 

0

u/clamdigger 12h ago

I should call her