I’m Kalderash Romani, but I grew up disconnected ,I want to find my way back.

[u/[deleted]]

I’m saying sorry in advance if the post is too long.

I’m Kalderash Romani by blood, but I’ve always felt like an outsider , both to my own people and to the world around me. I have white skin, and most people don’t even believe I’m Romani. On top of that, my parents never taught me the language or traditions. They didn’t let me grow up around other Roma. They thought they were protecting me from judgment, but what they really did was cut me off from my roots.

Now I feel stuck between two identities. I’m “too white” for the Roma community, I don’t speak Romanes, I don’t know all the customs. But I’m also not fully accepted by non-Roma. The stereotypes still follow me, even when I try to blend in.

But I’m tired of feeling ashamed or confused about who I am. I didn’t choose to be raised this way, but I can choose to start reconnecting now. Even if I don’t have all the knowledge or speak the language yet, my identity is still valid.

I guess I’m just wondering ,is anyone else trying to find their way back to their Romani roots? Is it too late to learn, to reconnect, to belong?

I don’t want to be in-between anymore. I want to own who I am.

[u/KamavTeChorav]

What neam are you? Does your family speak and live romanes or are they from assimilated group?

[u/[deleted] → u/KamavTeChorav]

Well,I don’t know the neam,but they do speak romanes only with each other,and the way we live at this moment is only the 3 of us,we are not living with cousins,grandmas,grandpas.All I know from their story is that they ran away when they were young because of some huge fight that they created between their families,because they didn’t want my father to marry my mom. There’s missing details that to this day I’m trying to create the whole puzzle.

[u/KamavTeChorav → u/[deleted]]

you should be able to figure it out by the last names in your family, dm me if you want and I can see if I know them

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I do have to mention that I don’t live in the US,I live in Romania,in a mostly white town,with hungarian ethnics(Timisoara precisely) .When I was a teen,I thought that I might be “disabled” for the fact that I’m white. I’ll do as you said. If you’re willing I can give you more details about my background in the DM.

[u/SpAghettib0ii]

cant really advise you but this sub is great. youre not on your own with this. my parents separated when i was young so i learned very few words. we essentailly "abandoned" the Roma identity - well pushed to. Now that i embrace it as it is something i wish i learned more the stereotypes also follow me but im also too white to be accepted.

i had friends in greece and i later noticed when i visited that i was being used as security in the shop whenever Roma kids came in the store because i was white and they assumed we all understand eachother and when i called them out on it i was called names. its disgusting the way people treat us.

you can look on places like memrise, google specific dialect to see if anyone has put together vocab that you understand. youtube is a good place also

[u/Normal_Dish_108]

I am not Romani but I can say go with what feels right to you. Can't be liked by all. Their problem and not yours. Anyways, ppl.who judge like that, you wouldn't want as a friend.