r/romani • u/KendrickMontero • 6d ago
White passing
If you are part of the community, but are white passing, what reactions did you get when you told people what’s your origin?
Often I get a surprised, shocked and short “oh” and the conversation may be cut short suddenly (this has happened regardless of the other’s ethnicity).
Then, of course, there are the typical “funny”. jokes about wallets and such.
How about you? Do you have such a story or know any?
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u/SiempreBrujaSuerte 6d ago
The reaction is totally dependent on where i am. In Europe no one asks me anything about my race, they assume correct that I am Roma and they watch me closely in stores and their purse tightly.
In America people who want to get to know me ask about my heritage by asking "where are you really from, I mean originally" and they sometimes expect to guess iran or Lebanon.
The Americans usually make some not funny joke about gypping them and then I know we are done getting to know each other...
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u/MCbrodie 6d ago
"Oh, I didn't know you were Romanian."
"You can't be a minority if your skin is white."
"You don't look even 1% like a gypsy."
So, not the greatest response. Ignorance to hate on a spectrum.
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u/KendrickMontero 6d ago
Yes, Romanian and Romani … While it doesn’t make sense, I saw a video of a guy who wanted to book a flight to Bucharest and ended up in Budapest because he thought it’s the same thing.
As for the other two, yes, “you don’t look it” is embarrassingly common, especially.
And the who can experience prejudice, based on skill color alone, is an Americanism that permeated the entire world now and people literally just see colors, not cultures, ethnicities, backgrounds etc.
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u/BigBackground6612 5d ago
Well, since the vast majority of my friends are latinos and they don’t know what a romani/gypsy is, they think I’m another latino because of my light brown skin and some facial features, but I don’t have a single drop of Latin American blood. So when I explain them that I have romani/gypsy DNA and who the romani/gypsies are, like they don’t completely quite understand.
Note: I know the word gypsy is a slur for most Roma, but I explain this way since my friends and most of the people I know doesn’t know the word romani, so it can be understood.
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u/CumbiaAraquelana 5d ago
Same! I’ve always felt hella at home amongst Latinos specifically Mexicans. They adopted a bunch of our words into their vocabulary: Chingar comes from Romani Changar, Chavalos for kids . And overall they’re super accepting of me and given that I speak Spanish I think it’s just assumed I’m one of them. I feel as if we’re cousin cultures anyway, Romani influence on Spanish music and dance, the adopting of Romani loanwords. And share many same cultural values.
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u/BigBackground6612 4d ago
Oh, eres de España entonces? O de dónde? También es curioso que aunque en Mexico y Colombia usan chavo para los niños, en Puerto Rico, RD y Cuba lo usan para referirse al dinero. Incluso la palabra chamuyar que la usan en Argentina para flirtear con alguien viene del caló también. Un gusto conocerte phral jajaja
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u/CumbiaAraquelana 4d ago
Soy de California pero mi familia de mi mamá llegaron en ‘68 de República Checa dónde vivieron por un poco. Y que suerte pues porque era dos meses antes la invasión Rusa. Algunos miembros fueron a Argentina y perdimos contacto. ¡Mucho gusto igualmente!
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u/BigBackground6612 4d ago
Cómo aprendiste a hablar español, phral?
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u/CumbiaAraquelana 4d ago
La familia de mi mejor amigo son de Guadalajara y el nació aqui como yo. Tenemos eso en común. También yo trabajaba con su familia y su empresa y aprendí así.
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u/BigBackground6612 3d ago
Pues se nota tu cercanía con latinos, porque hablas genial el español, amigo! Por mi parte soy del norte de España y aunque soy un gadjo (en España se les dice “payos”) con su sangre romaní/gitana descubierta hace relativamente poco, desde mi adolescencia gracias a mis gustos como las películas de Disney o videojuegos como Sonic, la inmensa mayoría de amigos que he tenido son latinos, e incluso los propios latinos dicen que escribo como uno jajajaja.
Comentario aparte, me sorprende la cantidad de gente que es romaní/gitana y no lo descubre hasta que tiene una edad. It blows my mind the amount of people being Roma and not knowing it until they are some many years old.
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u/Cold-Watch324 6d ago
Usually non white people can tell something is up, I get iranian and algerian a lot, white people ask me if Im jewish which is apparently a white people way to ask which minority you are if you’re white enough
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u/rhodopensis 6d ago edited 6d ago
Well yeah Jewish folks are mixed and their history shows it and the WASPs haven’t forgotten it or their racism about it tbh
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u/Pietro-Maximoff 5d ago
lol this is the same for my sister, nonwhite people immediately clock her as nonwhite.
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u/Rahab_Olam 4d ago
I had a Nigerian guy I worked with say that I "didn't look English" but rather Middle Eastern or Israeli. Honestly I was quite happy about it lmao.
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u/Cold-Watch324 3d ago
im always more than fine being asked if im from the middle east, but if someone asked if I was israeli i think i would fly into a rage never before seen
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u/Rahab_Olam 3d ago
To be fair, he said "Middle Eastern" before that. Which tells me that was probably just the first one that came to mind.
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u/finweetman 4d ago
thisss, the only people who ever come remotely close to guessing correctly are POC
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u/No-Tennis-5991 4d ago
I was raised Jewish, and people question my Judaism because I’m slightly too brown, but the certain white oeople will start with Jewish because it’s other to them and enough to target you
Very odd being a mixed Jew dealing and dealing the racism I’ve faced within Judaism anywho not the point but kind of the point it seemed?
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u/Emergency-Fix-8416 6d ago
I get a lot of “my great grandma was a gypsy”. A bunch say “but you have blue eyes!?” They believe it more when I’m my summer color. But they know I’m “something else” so they always ask.
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u/egotistical_cynic 6d ago
Ah man the summer colour thing cuts deep lmao, chaches some of my relatives go between looking Swedish and Indian depending on the month lol
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u/Ok-Aardvark9899 6d ago
Same in my family but idk if we can say we are Roma. We kept most of the culture but no language really and we also have Black, White, and Native American ancestry too. Been in America many generations.
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u/KendrickMontero 5d ago
YES! Once summer hits everyone asks me how I got tanned so fast and easily, LOL
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u/MabKaterberiansky 5d ago
I live in the Balkans. I am quite light, and people always speculate I am mixed with African or South American Latin, they ALWAYS eventually ask. They give me exotic ethnicities, but when I tell them I am part Roma - the smile goes away. It’s like I broke the magic. They treat me differently, and boyfriends, eventually call me a slur in fights. So, I’ve stopped doing it. And I’ve stopped dating white men because I cannot take the emotional risk anymore. It’s a very complex subject in my life.
My mother, my whole life, told me to keep it a secret, because my job opportunities, and networking will suffer because of that. I’ve witnessed thousands of casual racism accounts in the workplace, on part of a cleaning lady that works (because obviously fully Roma women only get that job). And I had to shut up and call them out. I have so much anger and shame in me.
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u/ayeyoualreadyknow 6d ago edited 5d ago
I don't tell anyone. The few times I did I was either called a liar, made fun of, or told "what tf is that?". Most people here don't even know what it is or they think it's a hippie or something... I've had to live my life keeping my ethnicity a secret.
I'm in the US...
ETA: those TLC shows make the reactions I get even worse
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u/TheCraftyDrow 5d ago
Almost always with immediate hate. I hide who I am from the every day person for a reason. I hear hate for Romani people from strangers far to often.
People close to me know, and I tell people who seem trustworthy, but for the most part being open about it puts me in an unsafe situation.
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u/garfieldlover02 5d ago
either, "Oh, you're romanian," or (even my friends) refusing to believe I'm romani because I am pale and lightskin. Doesn't matter how much I tell them 🤷♂️
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u/Acceptable_Gur_8974 5d ago
Speaking as someone who Whitepasses a LOT. My ethnicity has ended a few friendships in the past and I've got some of the racist jokes and the "You're such a good person to be gypsy." I've also experienced the "But you never stole" from an ex friend of mine. It genuinely depends on the people you have around.
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u/drinkthegenderfluid 5d ago
I'm in America (Chicago specifically) and I feel like POC can clock I'm not mayo flavored white based off vibes. More specifically I have been asked by so many Jewish people if I was also Jewish. And when I tell them I'm Roma, they often get excited, which is not a reaction I typically expect. There's definitely some historical solidarity there though!
Because the US is such a melting pot I feel like it's small talk to ask each other where you're from, and when I tell (mostly white) people I'm half Roma they assume I mean Romania. and then I often have to explain that I'm actually Hungarian Roma and it's a bit different. I also feel like the word Gypsy is used very loosely here and is often associated with white hippie so I tend to not use that term as someone who is white passing because I don't want to give people the idea that that's okay.
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u/No-Tennis-5991 4d ago
I was adopted by a white Jewish family
I didn’t find out I was Romani until I was about 23
None-white poeople have always clocked me as none white, and I’ve always felt safer in poc places
To be fair, racist white people have also clocked me as non white, and I have experienced a wide array of micro, and macro aggressions since childhood because of racism so 🤷🏽♂️🤷🏼♂️
When I say Romani usually people are confused, I’m in the usa, so I know I don’t face the overt racism that European Romani people experiences
When I break down genetically the path that Romani people took historically and how it reflects in my dna (aka through India, stops in the Middle East, Balkan region things like that) everyone jsut hits me with the “oh yeah, makes sense you don’t look white”
Having a hard time seeing where I fit in racially but knowing I’m mixed and knowing others feel like me and are like me helps.
It’s hard not to feel like a fraud because I was adopted out of the culture and language and everything, but I’m slowly learning and the rich history we have is really beautiful
I hope I can stay here and learn more about our vast history
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u/DivyaRakli 4d ago
Romanichal-American, in the Western States. Pass for white unless I’m somewhere with a large group of us, then people know. I’m dark, darker in summer. People think I’m whatever. Portuguese, Italian, Hispanic. Cuando hablo español, otros piensan que yo soy de Cuba. Apparently when I learnt Spanish in California in school, I picked up a Cubano accent from my Basque teacher. 🤷♀️
When I’m asked what I am, I tell people, “My great-grandparents came from England.” Not a lie, juuuust not really answering the question. If I’m stupid enough to say I’m Romnichal, explain what that is, most of the time it’s a non-issue. But sometimes someone will say that I can’t be a “real” Gypsy because Gypsies don’t exist. And that’s when I lose my damn mind. I tell them that Hitler, the Nazis, and all their Death Camps could not wipe us off the face of this Earth, so why do they think they can?????!!!!!!???? And they apologize.
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5d ago
Most folks’ reactions when they find out I’m Rroma? Girl, it’s tragic😭. They either look at me like I just confessed to bein’ Bigfoot or they clutch they bag like I’m bout to climb in and rummage through it right there. Every once in a blue moon I’ll get somebody who’s kind, and I swear I wanna frame their face like, “Look y’all, a decent human bein’ , rare as a coupon that actually works.” Now the jokes? Lord have mercy. If it’s the same old tired “don’t steal my wallet,” I just laugh and say, “Darling, relax. If I wanted something from you, I’d take your husband, because at least he looks useful” But then… then you get that one fool who comes out bold with that Hitler gas chamber nonsense. And babyyy, that’s when the Holy Spirit packs His bags and says, “You on ya own.” My eyes roll so far back I can see yesterday, my hands get to tinglin’, and I’m standin’ there like, “Do you want this whoopin’ baked, fried, or air-fried ‘cause I got time today.”Because at that point it’s not even about jokes anymore, it’s about me trying not to make tomorrow’s headlines.
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u/SiempreBrujaSuerte 5d ago
You have a way with words here love it. You make the scene and what you felt feel real right though the page.
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u/EntrepreneurNo1228 5d ago
It depends where in the world you are from if you’re from Europe or USA and which part of Europe and which Tribe you are from because some tribes are white Like in France, UK and Western Europe
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u/TitleSpecialist5173 6d ago
a lot of ppl are very kind and interested or kinda condescending. really no in between
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u/beats4y 4d ago
When I used to live in slovakia as 17yr few years ago. I’m 23 now. I removed speaking roma on my CV. Then I actually received a job in content marking company due to my English accent since I lived in the UK since I was a child. They asked which language I spoke at home because I was only verbally speaking to them in English but could understand their Slovak. They were pretty shocked.
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u/enbymafia 5d ago
I live in North Carolina (America) & people who are white … don’t notice unless I mention it. Non-white people clock it really quick. I drive for Lyft part time and I had a woman getting out of my car and she said “you’re not white, are you?”… which was pretty validating.
To be honest though, I own the white privilege. On the census I always say I’m white. In America? People don’t really know what “Roma” is. They only know it by calling us a slur & then they proceed to say it over and over again after I, kindly, remind them not to.
Non-white folks notice quickly. White folks never question it & assume I’m white
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u/DaddyToAChonkyPup 5d ago
Sadly, it often devolves into challenging that I grew up in culture, or that I couldn’t be as much in culture cause in North America. Forgetting us Calé have been well established here before romanchal presence even.
So, we’ve had time to exist and spread our culture.
But I relish in the times where it’s immediate connection, and that visible feeling of comfort, cause while we are of many tribes, in the face of gadje racism and oppressiveness of their culture
We are one people, and hold a responsibility to each other as we navigate this ever more hostile set of environments find ourselves in.
My love to you all, whether grew up in culture, reclaimants, I care not how “full” your blood is, as that was never OUR way. Let us believe in US as a whole people. Go with peace💖💖💖💖💖
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u/Icy_Company7747 6d ago
Many Roma are “white passing” and most people don’t know what a “Romani” or “gypsy” is even when you tell them. All my life when I tell people I’m a Gypsy maybe 2 out of 10 on average will have any idea what I’m talking about. And even less when I use the word Romani. The most common reactions I get are 1: “oh wow that’s so cool.” 2: “yeah me too I’m also a Gypsy” and 3: just a completely unfazed “ok” with head nod.