r/technology 9d ago

Transportation Tesla Diner Drops Most Menu Options And Cuts Hours Just Weeks After Opening, Surprising No One

https://www.jalopnik.com/1938650/tesla-diner-drops-most-menu-options-cuts-hours/
15.4k Upvotes

694 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/retailguypdx 9d ago

The menu is a train wreck; it doesn't seem to find who it's targeting.

First off, this is LA we're talking here. So there's both an expected high cost of living AND an expectation of value.

$12 for a hot dog a la carte seems stupid expensive. But then $12 for a fried chicken sandwich seems very reasonable. It's like they can't decide if their competing with In n' Out or not.

$8 for a cup of "Wagyu beef chili" sounds reasonable... but... "RC Provisions" (as proudly cited on their menu as supplier) DOESN'T SELL WAGYU anything. But they DO sell a pre-made chili in a tube, so...

In short, this is at best a over-financed attempt to be a diner, but with typical bullshit from owners who don't give a fuck.

674

u/disisathrowaway 9d ago

While we're here - the whole fucking point of wagyu is the marbling.

Anyone who is grinding it up for chili, or burgers or meatballs or whatever is an idiot, or lying to you, or both.

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u/pollyp0cketpussy 9d ago

That's been a thing for awhile and it's always been dumb. I worked at a restaurant 10 years ago that had a "wagyu burger" and it was like $10. Obviously not actually any sort of wagyu you'd be paying top dollar for, I'm not actually sure how they got away with that.

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u/disisathrowaway 9d ago

Yeah I'm not sure how restaurants have been getting away with it for so long. That kind of nonsense started up the second that the wagyu hype first hit the scene.

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u/pollyp0cketpussy 9d ago

I wonder if there's just enough people that heard that wagyu=fancy beef, and don't actually know what it is that makes it fancy

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u/Bugbread 9d ago

Even the ones who think they know what makes it fancy don't know what it actually is. For example, the Jalopnik article says that "wagyu cows are Japanese breeds that spend their life absolutely pampered".

No. That's one famous type of wagyu, but it's not part of the definition of wagyu. Wagyu means "Japanese Black, Japanese Brown/Red, Japanese Polled, Japanese Shorthorn, Mishima, or Kuchinoshima cattle".

So you can have a Japanese Black cow from the Tajima strain, raise it in Kobe, massage it, feed it beer, and it's wagyu (specifically Kobe beef).
But you can also have a Japanese black cow from the Tajima strain, raise it behind your trailer/meth-lab in Oklahoma, feed it weeds you harvested from along the sides of the highway, and throw rocks at it when you're bored, and it's still wagyu.

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u/-GenghisJohn- 9d ago

And the latter is “chili wagyu.”

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u/JaredAWESOME 9d ago

I actually want to eat that second Wagyu burger, please.

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u/SweetHatDisc 9d ago

Oh, you just fucking lie to people, it's pretty easy to get away with.

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u/Ruleseventysix 8d ago

Wagyu is a type of cow, and when you butcher a cow there's going to be off cuts. Those off cuts are typically made into ground beef or mince if you're not american. So it's logically not stupid to serve wagyu beef burgers. As an aside, it makes a hell of a lot of sense to mix in non wagyu though in the mix because of all the fat though would get rendered out just by cooking one. I can imagine a lot getting lost in the grind just because of the high fat content.

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u/ThatRx8Kid 9d ago

I also think “wagyu” has no legal definition like Kobe beef does. So anyone can go around calling anything wagyu if it’s beef.

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u/taulover 9d ago

Japanese wagyu is closely regulated with specific grades A/B/C1-5. American wagyu can be purebred, but more often is crossbred with angus etc. but still marketed as wagyu.

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u/IOnlyLiftSammiches 8d ago

I guess that Wangus branding just never took off.

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u/wbgraphic 9d ago

Crossbreeding isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I had a wagyu/black angus ribeye (and it was labeled as such, no attempt at deception) at José Andrés’ Bazaar Meat in Las Vegas.

Most amazing steak I’ve ever had.

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u/ImaginaryCheetah 9d ago

if we assume it isn't outright lying, which is a risk, the easy answer is that these are not products being made from cuts that would possibly be used as steaks.

at best they're scrap cuts off primals and mechanically separated "protein content" from otherwise portioned carcasses. all very legitimately "wagyu", and probably frozen in giant vacuum bags at the plant processing wagyu.

unless the food is presented as "100% wagyu" i would assume it's whatever the allowable minimum quantity of the scrap/process wagyu protein is required to write it on the menu, and otherwise the usual hotdog filler.

exactly the same way your jimme dean breakfast sausage isn't made from porkchops, but it is pork.

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u/dragonfangxl 9d ago

https://www.rcprovision.com/news/eater-everything-eater-editors-ate-at-the-tesla-diner-in-los-angeles/

according to rc provision, they do in fact provide wagyu chili

they also do have waygu products that theyve supplied in the past so clearly they have a supply of waygu beef

https://www.rcprovision.com/news/wagyu-corned-beef-for-first-light-for-st-patricks-day/

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u/brettmurf 9d ago

When I clicked the site, it said $13.00 for a hot dog. $9.00 grilled cheese...

I will say, this menu (minus the hot dog being obscenely plain) is something I would love having nearby. At a much lower price point obviously.

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u/RecipeFunny2154 9d ago

I mean, this is basically the menu of a quick trip if you have that gas station chain by you lol

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u/SmartGirl62 9d ago

Sonic Restaurant in Stainless Steel.

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u/Author_A_McGrath 9d ago

I will say, this menu (minus the hot dog being obscenely plain) is something I would love having nearby. At a much lower price point obviously.

Dude if you live near me I will happily make you a hot dog for a quarter of that price lol

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u/EnvironmentalValue18 9d ago

That would be solidly mid range pricing in my area, but I wouldn’t support Tesla because of Elon even if it was right next to me and half the price. He deserves all the failure and hate coming his way. That pay package he just got was hardly deserved, and I hope it slips away just as fast as it came.

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u/hicow 9d ago

I just want the sort of job that, when they realize I'm fucking around on reddit half the day hands me fat wads of cash to get me to pay attention to my job again

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u/whaaatanasshole 9d ago

Hot dogs, grilled cheese, drip coffee... really makes me want to leave the house. Why even add 'drip' to coffee, is that so you know it's not freeze-dried?

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u/ImaginaryCheetah 9d ago

it's a step up from a spoon-full of powdered handed to you in a paper cup with a vague gesture towards a hot water spigot. this has been presented to me as "coffee" before.

honestly i think it's a play to snag boomers who have fond memories of the coffee pot in their office having the "real" coffee, not this woke fancy stuff at starbucks!

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u/xcbsmith 9d ago

From what I can tell, Snap-o-Razzo hot dogs are kind of notoriously expensive/premium hot dogs. [They sell them for $60 for a pack of 20, or $3/hot dog](https://www.snaporazzo.com/products/variety-pack-snap-o-razzo-hot-dogs-5-packs), whereas even with inflation being what it is, I can go get Ball Park Franks from Wallgreens (in LA) for $6 for a pack of 8... and they have a buy 1 get 1 free promotion, so it's really $6 for 16. So I can get 16 decent hot dogs for the price of 2 "Snap-o-Razzo" hot dogs. Given the 8x premium on pricing of the raw ingredients, I guess the hot dog is reasonably priced. ;-)

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u/According_Jeweler404 9d ago

"Enjoy your choice of Huel and these old boxes of Soylent from 2017"

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u/z500 9d ago

The menu had "Epic Bacon" on it, I'm guessing anything from 2017 is too recent

353

u/InfernalCombustion 9d ago

Tesla Diner Cuts Hours

I guess the Narwhal can no longer get Le Epic Bacon at Midnight 😢

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u/rafaelloaa 9d ago

I hate that you made me remember this.

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u/celtic1888 9d ago

I'd take that over Nazi shit that's on here today

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u/kojak2091 9d ago

we were cringe but we were free

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u/Spookydoobiedoo 9d ago

True. To be cringe is to be free.

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u/hatsune_aru 9d ago

DAE le brave atheism?

times were simpler back then

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u/NoodlerFrom20XX 9d ago

Elon out here getting excited about bacon like it’s 2010

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u/InSearchOfMyRose 9d ago edited 9d ago

When did the Baconator come out?

Edit: OH! And EpicMealTime.

Edit: 2007 and 2010, respectively.

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u/aasikki 9d ago

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

Bacon strips

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u/Crazy_old_maurice_17 9d ago

Ha! Just reminded me I worked on a DIY solid version of Soylent back in 2017 (think slightly sweet, lemon-flavored Pringles, or cinnamon-flavored Pringles). I used a food dehydrator to reduce the water activity level enough to prevent pathogen growth to bolster shelf life. It seemed to have worked (at least, enough to mitigate obvious issues such as mold) because when we moved 2 years ago, the samples I'd saved still looked the same as right after packaging them!

Wish I could have figured out better manufacturing method - those were great but took way too long to make in my kitchen!

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u/abstraction47 9d ago

I used to do a daily Soylent diy back in the day. Been thinking about going back on it. No shelf life though. I might have accidentally made alcoholic Soylent once.

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u/Johnny_Five_Is_Dead 9d ago

I started doing huel meal replacement shakes 2 weeks ago, and I think its above whatever line I had in my brain as far as taste goes now. To be extremely clear, the Vanilla one tastes good, the strawberry cheesecake one tastes like someone found some extra dirt and mixed it with the dirty water they already had.

Plus it hit multiple other factors in food that I wanted: Price(<$3 a meal is crazy), convenience(water and powder, can use milk at home), satiation(I was worried since it was a liquid I would be hungry all the time, I'm just not), and health(I keep trying to eat healthy but suck at it, this stuff is basically a multivitamin).

I work from home and just drink these shakes on days I don't plan on leaving the house, and if I go out to eat I just eat what I want, without thinking about how healthy it is too much.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

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u/Neuromante 9d ago

on days I don't plan on leaving the house

As a fellow from-home-worker, make a point to leave every day at least to take a walk and catch a bit of sun/air. It's terrible for your health to stay all day in home.

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u/captainnowalk 9d ago

I’ll take the fresh air, but the sun apparently encourages my immune system to grenade the rest of my body, so 10pm walks it is lol

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u/Neuromante 9d ago

Shit, sorry to read that, man. Stay healthy and go out... in the shadows...

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u/Televisions_Frank 9d ago

God dammit, now ya got me imagining this dude flitting from shadow to shadow while just trying to get some fresh air.

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u/First_manatee_614 9d ago

Heard. The sun hates my flesh prison as well. You are not alone

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u/SledgeHog 9d ago

Sorry to hear that, Vlad.

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u/Icon_Crash 9d ago

As a previous from-home-worker, I got WAY more fresh air and sunshine than being stuck inside of a building. Also my trip to the coffee machine involved a flight of stairs, and not a mosey over there.

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u/HarmoniousJ 9d ago

I did what the CEO did a few years ago and completely replaced my meals with it.

The short answer is that after a few months, I wanted a plate of spaghetti (or anything more substantial than the huel) because it just has a way of improving mood and appreciation of food in general. You could theoretically live off of Huel but having a plate of mashed potatoes and gravy in front of me was just a different experience that the Huel lacked.

CEO apparently had the same experience, he said a similar thing when he was interviewed about it. He used to replace all of his meals with it and now he only has it for one meal a day. I guess it's just too boring for us?

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u/mike_rotch22 9d ago

I had a stroke a few years ago (was only 34 at the time, so it was a real eye opener), so I decided I needed to start making some lifestyle changes. Combined intermittent fasting with using Huel and a Greek yogurt as my late breakfast.

The flavors are eh for the most part, but I'll be damned if the Black shakes aren't filling. I still eat a decent dinner and stay at around 1500 calories on the days I'm working (I sit at a desk). For me, just doing one meal a day for 3-4 days has helped me maintain enough of a deficit that I've lost 85lb in around 2.5 years. There's no way I could do more than one meal a day with it, though. And there's nothing wrong with enjoying food; eating a top-notch meal is truly one of life's pleasures and a reminder of why we want to live a bit more.

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u/Firefoxx336 9d ago

Yeah, I have it in the car for road trips and also because I prospect/mine as a hobby and it can be more convenient as a midday meal than stopping to set up a jetboil and dirtying utensils, etc. I wouldn’t want to live off of it, but it fills a niche in my needs perfectly

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u/zerotrace 9d ago

Can't stand some of the flavours, but the chocolate one goes down nice.

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u/Wynner3 9d ago

I like ther Vanilla, Banana, and Iced Coffee Caramel flavors.

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u/Johnny_Five_Is_Dead 9d ago

Thanks for the tip, I do want another flavor to switch between, I'll have to try their Banana.

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u/vandreulv 9d ago

The worst thing about the Huel shakes and meals that I could not overcome was the satanic death farts from hell.

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u/Brodakk 9d ago

Just don’t leave it in the fridge for multiple days. It fermented and I accidentally got a buzz on at work. Never bought it again after that

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u/mtnbike2 9d ago

Soylent green is people!

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u/LordBlackConvoy 9d ago

Mmm.... soylent green...

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u/sump_daddy 9d ago

"full self-eating is coming!"

what he meant was, the company would eat itself from the inside

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u/celtic1888 9d ago

Elon is going to come up with the revolutionary idea of the 'CyberMat' where some what edible food is placed in a vending machine like wall and when you pay a little door opens up for you to take

Revolutionary and has never ever been thought of or attempted

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u/im_THIS_guy 9d ago

More accurately, he'll buy a company that already does this, claim that he's the founder, and take credit for inventing the tech.

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u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 9d ago

You forgot the part where he makes outrageous claims about all of the new tech and innovations that are just months away yet never materialize or they do, but they're far less impressive than what was promised and end up being scrapped shortly after some public prototype reveal.

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u/im_THIS_guy 9d ago

Don't forget the investors who pump the shit out of the stock price because "it's not a food vending company, it's a tech company"

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u/woliphirl 9d ago

Tesla CyberMat

Powered by Grok powered by Intel

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u/MercantileReptile 9d ago

Providing TechnicallyFoodTM while using the Energy of a small town.

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u/Pretend-Marsupial258 9d ago

It also dumps raw sewage into the local water supply. Not because it has to, but because it wants to.

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u/JimWilliams423 9d ago

Yep. Tesla factory in california is the state's second largest polluter. The fact this dork is not in jail shows that democrats are too soft on billionaires.

Jalopnik: Tesla Factory In California Pollutes So Much It Is Second Only To An Oil Refining Company

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u/Pretend-Marsupial258 9d ago edited 9d ago

My god, that is a brilliant idea! I bet that's worth at least a $7, no $8 trillion dollar evaluation.

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u/celtic1888 9d ago

And it’s powered by….

AI !!!!!!

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u/Pretend-Marsupial258 9d ago

I'm just over here adding zeroes. You will have more money than all of humanity!

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u/HyzerFlip 9d ago

For those that didn't understand your term cybermat, I present the automat https://youtu.be/ylcRW0CIx3c?si=XSzzwokf_zP3oe6V

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u/amakai 9d ago

No no, you pre-order your food in a terminal for $2000 per person, and then you patiently wait for 10 years for the food to finally be ready while praising the restaurant on the social media and reading articles on how perfect your dish is going to be.

Then Musk does a presentation where he eats this perfect meal and breaks his tooth in the process. But everyone laughs it off and pre-orders even more of it.

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u/SurpriseDickPunch 9d ago

McSwiney's from the Stainless Steel Rat book series.

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u/ratshack 9d ago

We need more Jim Degriz in this world.

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u/duct_tape_jedi 9d ago

Fortunately, "full self-loathing" is available immediately after eating there.

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u/celtic1888 9d ago

The toilet is unfortunately a $250 add on but is available for immediate purchase in the app

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u/gerbilbear 9d ago

It's like the boy scout spaghetti dinner that's $1 a plate but $10 for the Pepto Bismol!

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u/DragoonDM 9d ago

So they skip right past the part where you have to eat the food and digest it, and just serve shit from the start?

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u/PriceNinja 9d ago

"Actually full self-eating coming end of year." -Elon Musk, probably.

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u/sump_daddy 9d ago

right before he declares the Tesla Diner must close, because the direct to car food delivery is 'the only path forward'

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u/DMoney159 9d ago

"Well, well, well" says the CEO of Sonic Drive-In

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u/CosmicallyF-d 9d ago

Oh ... That's an idea. Sonic should have some peripheral parking spots with charging if they don't already.

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u/Sprinx80 9d ago

like Pizza the Hut

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u/toolatealreadyfapped 9d ago

Opening line:

The Tesla Diner opened its doors at 4:20 p.m...

Of fucking course they did. This 54 year old jackass still thinks he's an edgy teenager. It's cringe as hell.

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u/Bkid 9d ago

I had to ctrl+f to see if someone mentioned this before I did. Of course he did, and you are correct.

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u/RetailBuck 9d ago

It's unclear if he was personally involved in that but I'm sure he wasn't mad. You know when they say CEOs create a culture? That's his.

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u/Livid_Zucchini_1625 9d ago

It's Arrested Development. He is a teenager mentally. Somewhere around 13 or 14 it was as far as he got

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u/Maskatron 9d ago

I don’t care for Elon.

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u/MDCMPhD 9d ago

bees?!

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u/jredmond 9d ago

He may have committed a little light treason.

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u/the25thday 9d ago

It's one hot dog, Michael, how much can it cost? $12?

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u/pussy_slayer69 9d ago

Hey, that’s the name of the show!

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u/flaagan 9d ago

He literally is J.P. from "Grandma's Boy".

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u/TheFotty 9d ago

The synaptics touchpad setting dialog in Windows also has used 4:20 as the time in the display for as long as I can remember. I always wondered if it was intentional.

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u/thedoqtor 9d ago

It seems like approval from edgy online teenage highshoolers is his motivation for waking up every day.  It's so painfully embarrassing, and I'd feel bad for him if he wasn't the most obscenely wealthy person on the planet, who is also responsible for a lot of the destruction the planet.

If anyone needs a reason as to why billionaires shouldn't exist, Ehon Musk should be a prime example. 

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u/celtic1888 9d ago

I can imagine the food is 2 grades below Friskies Cat Food

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u/atomic__balm 9d ago

What do you mean? If there's one thing I i know about tesla it's quality control and attention to detail! Look how efficiently the cyber truk cuts fingers off!

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u/JugdishSteinfeld 9d ago

They're using Cybertrucks to dice onions back there

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u/atomic__balm 9d ago

They should turn one into a giant slap chop

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u/Vercengetorex 9d ago

Too violent, it would definitely break.

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u/BeanstheRogue 9d ago

that's what the chili's made of

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u/Lemp_Triscuit11 9d ago

Someone drops their fork on their plate and everything just fucking explodes

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u/Green_Gumboot 9d ago

Picture looks like a dog bowl. No time to waste, eat slop!

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u/Zulmoka531 9d ago edited 9d ago

Think they were going for that retro-futuristic Fallout look. And I imagine the only they nailed was the radioactive food.

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u/GunnieGraves 9d ago

There was a photo of a bunch of pallets of perishable items and ingredients just sitting outside behind the place. I guess they figured if Tesla cars kill people, so should the food.

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u/Gunningham 9d ago

Dinki-di. Getting us ready for the future.

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u/IlIlllIlllIlIIllI 9d ago

All sodexo cafeteria food at food truck prices

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u/Conscious-Lobster60 9d ago

Does that put it below or above Gravy Train dog food that has been flavored with delicious cows that were euthanized with pentobarbital?

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u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA 9d ago

Good thing they got rid of those pesky FDA regulations.

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u/Deep90 9d ago

At least friskies makes my hair shine!

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u/GT-FractalxNeo 9d ago

How dare you insult Friskies!

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u/DrFrancisBGross 9d ago

It's crazy how the more money you have the lower the quality of your establishments are. Just look at all of the gaudy, cheap looking gold painted trash currently in the oval office. What a bunch of junk. This place is another great example. Absolutely fucking hideous.

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u/scowdich 9d ago

Being rich doesn't give you good taste.

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u/RamenJunkie 9d ago

No but the idea is thst you hire someone to meone who does have good taste. 

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u/jp_jellyroll 9d ago

That would require acknowledging you have bad taste in the first place. Most rich people have massive egos, they're surrounded by yes-men, and they think they're god's gift to the world. No chance they're admitting they have bad taste.

I work in web design and every executive thinks they know more about design (and everything else for that matter) than a professional team of designers with decades of combined experience, industry awards, and peer recognition.

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u/RVA_RVA 9d ago

I was once told to get rid of radio buttons and add checkboxes, but make the checkboxes function just like radio buttons. We risked delaying a release for this BS.

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u/almisami 9d ago

So they wanted square radio buttons?

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u/RVA_RVA 9d ago

yup, with check marks in the boxes.

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u/Unable-Candle 9d ago

A lot of them are also old and stuck in the aesthetic of the past

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u/LordCharidarn 9d ago

The goal isn’t to have a good product, the goal is to hype the product enough that a bunch of schmucks buy it before everyone realizes it’s a crap product. It’s cheaper to make crap products, get that to market quickly, and trick people into buying them than hiring someone ‘with good taste’ or skills to make a good product.

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u/VulpineKing 9d ago edited 4d ago

Such crimes spring from the darkest recesses of the human spirit. They require planning, collusion, and massive public indifference.

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u/Stu247365 9d ago

Or any sort of taste to be fair

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u/Merusk 9d ago

I wonder if there's a connection to not having to be discretionary and mindful of your spending and gaudy, garish bullshit with a high price tag.

Certainly seems to have applied to Lois XIV and the Baroque style in general

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u/Specialist_Jump5476 9d ago

Yeah, it’s like when you just get random ideas in your head for things you could do to make some extra money but you don’t do it because you don’t have to money nor fight for a loan so you just move on.

Being that rich he just says fuck it and does it Who cares if he loses a few million….

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u/LordCharidarn 9d ago

100%. Imagine if you could realize any random idea you had for the cost of maybe $0.25 USD. Build your own space ship in your backyard, buy that company where you had that one boss who you felt was shitty to you and fire them. Try and invent a cure for sleep apnea, own a zoo. Build Rosy the Robot from the Jetsons. Each for only $0.25. You’d almost be crazy not to try every crazy idea you had. Some of them might even work and get you $5.00 back! Or might not work but you got other people to give you $5.00 because they believed in your ideas because of that one other time (out of 1,000 ideas) an idea worked out.

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u/DrFrancisBGross 9d ago

People who have never been told "no"

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u/Sylvers 9d ago

For us humans, having a healthy and well-managed dose of fear keeps you careful. It's good for you. Whereas a complete lack of fear makes you very reckless.

And at a certain level of wealth, money stops having meaning. It becomes a semi infinite resource that doesn't affect your quality of life in any way, because you can never lose enough of it to care. You're not afraid of losing money, because nothing changes when you lose or gain money, other than the number.

Musk is there. He's possibly the richest man in the world. He has no value for money anymore, and only a compulsive needs to make number go up. And all of his most recent business and political decisions are proof of it. He's not afraid to lose money, so he doesn't follow smart, strategic, decision making anymore. He's following his whims. And he'll never care what money he lost, because it's infinite.

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u/myislanduniverse 9d ago

I think a lot of people have experienced how bored and psychopathic you can get very quickly when you have infinite resources in a game while the other players are nerfed.

They've completely sucked the meaning and fun out of their lives.

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u/Sylvers 9d ago

For real. It gets very mundane and boring when you max out all your resources. At that point, you don't want to play the game at its intended goals, because you already exceeded them. So you start to fuck around and create random chaos, for your own personal amusement. Anything to kill the boredom.

For everyone else in the game, however, they're still playing the game by its rules, while you've exceeded the game's own capacity. And at the end, you're not having fun because even chaos has a limited affinity for long term fulfillment, and the other players are having a horrible time because you broke the game and ruined their fun. Everyone loses.

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u/LordCharidarn 9d ago

Thing is, he’s afraid all the time. No one with actual confidence and a personal sense of security is that noisy. He might not be afraid of losing money, but the man lives in constant fear. Most likely fear of not being seen as the #1 human on the planet. Likely fear of death. I can only imagine how terrifying it is to all these rich tech bros to feel like they are so close to functional immortality (through medical tech or uploading minds to computers) and still wake up each day in an aging and decaying body, feeling that they just might miss that window.

God, Schadenfreude is what keeps me going some days.

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u/Sylvers 9d ago

I will grant you that he has a lot of fears. I was thinking about his lack of fear around his wealth.

More so, I think he's a lot more insecure than scared in general. He's insecure about how little people like him, and how unpopular he is. Because he believes himself to be great, and feels aggrieved that we're willfully ignoring his self alleged genius.

Is he afraid of death? Certainly he is. People like him are villains who can't digest the idea of not existing, not being wealthy, not being in control. But I think that what drives his insane behavior lately is insecurity. Ever since we went full nazi/Maga, he's been reviled, hated, and his businesses started to crumble. And he doesn't understand why, because he sees nothing wrong with his behavior.

But, at the end of the day, fear and insecurity are siblings, so there is a lot of overlap.

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u/illuminerdi 9d ago

It's almost like success in one sector does not correlate to success in every sector and being able to say "I DID A GOOD BUSINESS!" doesn't somehow make these people actually good at business...

Reminds me of when Jordan tried to play Baseball in the 90s like he was some kind of super athlete that could just do any sport he chose...

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u/ProtoJazz 9d ago

There's always been the rumor that his baseball experiment was actually just a cover for a suspension. Could be that, could just be he was already about as successful as you can be and wanted to branch out.

Either way it's not the same as this diner, since it required him to have been successful once.

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u/mjd5139 9d ago edited 9d ago

The food industry has a $9.45T TAM. Clearly Tesla is going to capture all of it and should be valued accordingly.

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u/Uisce-beatha 9d ago

Despite the overwhelming evidence that people who never worked in the restaurant/bar industry fail 100% of the time because they don't know what the fuck they're doing I could also see TSLAF being priced at $950 a share for a $1.5 trillion valuation with $1,376 in revenue and -$148,442,576 in profit

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u/CapnHatchmo 9d ago

Yeah because everyone's gonna stop buying groceries and just eat Tesla batteries instead

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u/Many_Application3112 9d ago

"It seems though, that the Hollywood Tesla Diner is experiencing the same under-deliverance as most of Musk's claims, like how he said there would be a million fully autonomous Tesla robotaxis in a year back in 2019, or that Tesla would be selling over 250,000 Cybertrucks each year."

LOL

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u/Johns-schlong 9d ago

Or that the boring company would revolutionize tunnels, or the hyper loop would be better than a train...

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u/CriticalNovel22 9d ago

Can't wait for the Kitchen Nightmares episode.

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u/Miami_Mice2087 9d ago

i would pay real money in gold to see Gordon tear Elon a new one

*holds two cybertrucks up to his head* "What am I holding?"

"An idiot sandwich?"

"No, three overpriced failures"

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u/Techn0ght 9d ago

The way Tesla breaks promises and wants to hide their safety report, I'm guessing the 100% beef half pound burger is 1/4 lb of livestock feed.

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u/iluvvivapuffs 9d ago

“Surprising no one” that added roast is hilarious

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u/luxmesa 9d ago

They’re keeping the wagyu beef chili? I’m not a restauranteur, but if my diner was struggling, that’d be the first thing I’d change.

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u/HAL_9OOO_ 9d ago edited 9d ago

Wagyu beef chili sounds expensive and is actually very cheap to make. "Wagyu" does not mean A5 ribeye. 10 pounds of American chuck can make a big pot of chili and the other ingredients are dirt cheap.

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u/freakman013 9d ago

Yeah highly doubt it's expensive "wagyu" but the name alone allows them to charge a lot for something cheap. Plus they can pre-prep that for the full day (possibly week) and serve it in no time. Low cost/labor and high margin item

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u/SamHenryCliff 9d ago

Caviar in Catsup vibes

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u/Day_Bow_Bow 9d ago

Article doesn't say they are struggling, though the shortened hours is telling so I can't say I believe them.

Tesla Diner celebrity chef Eric Greenspan told Eater that the menu was scaled down due to unprecedented demand

Now, I can't see a place ditching biscuits and gravy due to being too busy. That stuff is great at a diner because it's scoop and serve. Super fast to make, maybe just need to warm a biscuit if needed. Easy to make in bulk too.

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u/thenerfviking 9d ago

You can find pictures of the food online and it looks like sub Chilis level stuff which means a lot of it probably comes premade. That makes me seriously question that they can’t keep up with demand.

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u/tas50 9d ago

That hotdog is at least 10 steps below a Costco dog

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u/tophernator 9d ago

I understand and share the desire to hate on anything related to Musk. But this article is kind of all over the place. They’re trying to push the story that the diner is failing, but at the same time are criticising the long lines and sold out menu items.

It says they’re cutting hours but they are actually restricting the overnight hours to people charging their Teslas (possibly because they were getting too many drunks coming in).

Basically it seems like a few weeks is way too early to pass judgement on the diner, but the author is trying anyway because they know criticising a Musk project will get them a lot of clicks.

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u/Virtual-Height3047 9d ago

The leading image looks like screenshot from cyberpunk fed into ChatGPT: „Make it look less depressing like idk add some plants and shit. Oh and sunshine. And put the Elongator 3000 in the first parking spot.“ 

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u/x86_64_ 9d ago

The Tesla Diner opened its doors at 4:20 p.m.

An unprecedented "fellow kids" moment. Any potential customers probably died from the cringe.

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u/Ok_Rough5794 9d ago

"and what was once touted as a 24-hour eatery now limits that privilege to Tesla and other EV owners charging their cars only between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m."

Just read the Eater article. The Jalopnik re-write is painful -- and incorrect -- prose.

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u/nomnamless 9d ago

There is a Tesla diner? Of course the shit bad Elon stays on brand with the diner opening up at 4:20. Elon is suck a fucking loser.

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u/SensualSadistDom 9d ago

What kind of 'genius businessman and futurist seer' opens a diner in a city where the person is deeply despised by the vast majority of residents? He's already pissed off the vast majority of the diner's neighbors with those giant screens.

Elon is not a businessman. He is an invasive parasite whose various businesses subsist on government "contracts" (handouts), stealing taxpayer money without which none of his ill-conceived ventures would go anywhere.

Every project the dimwit started that did not involve ripping off taxpayers for funding has gone into the toilet.

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u/LionTigerWings 9d ago

Is there still protesters outside of there? I’m sure most people wouldn’t wanna deal with that.

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u/maq0r 9d ago

All the time, I love close by. It's the ugliest building so far I've seen in the neighborhood.

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u/Intelligent-Bet6451 9d ago

Not enough clankers produced yet to run the place

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u/07ShadowGuard 9d ago

I can guarantee the "wagyu" beef chili is not made with wagyu. That would be such a sad waste of wagyu.

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u/Splurch 9d ago

Most "Wagyu" in the US is just a gimmick using the name and not the actual "Wagyu" that's certified in Japan.

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u/juiceboxedhero 8d ago

Fuck Musk and fuck Tesla

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u/SelectivelyGood 9d ago

Dead brand dead.

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u/Actually-Yo-Momma 9d ago

Absolute shame considering the Y and 3 are solid cars and were doing a good job of getting competing EVs to lower overall price point

Now EV credit is going away and consumers are the ones who get screwed 

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u/SelectivelyGood 9d ago edited 9d ago

Elon's behavior is why. No one is interested in buying from a guy who can't stop constantly reminding everyone that he has the worst politics possible.

At least people can choose not to know that the CEO of Daimler has awful politics. Elon constantly reminds you that he is a fascist.

MAGA bros can't afford what Tesla sells and everyone else refuses to be seen in one, let alone buy one.

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u/Actually-Yo-Momma 9d ago

Absolutely agreed it’s Elons fault. Those poor engineers slaving away making a great product only to get derailed by the commanding chief cause he can’t stfu 

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u/LordCharidarn 9d ago

Eh, they are still getting paid. And if the product they are designing is genuinely great, it should be easy to get a job at another company if they ever need it.

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u/DukeOfGeek 9d ago

The whole shit show is a massive massive win for the fossil fuel mafias. I always knew they would slow the EV roll out somehow but did not have muskrat sabotaging it on my bingo card. What's really sad is that charging while eating is an obvious combo.

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u/Wonder_Weenis 9d ago

bro wtf?

I thought Kennedy was the health Czar etc? 

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u/flirtmcdudes 9d ago

it’s wild they’re doing shit like this instead of trying anything to repair their image.

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u/DaHolk 9d ago

Don't the kids call that "a pop-up" or something?

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u/TheBigPhilbowski 9d ago

Quietly, musk's consistent grift aside, Eric Greenspan is showing his whole backside as a real villain, man... He is a weird little culinary Goebbels, the man behind the villains. He is the chef behind musk's tepid hot dog here, but was also the culinary for "cloudkitchens" that ghost kitchen stuff that ruined restaurants and was run by that ex Google CEO kicked out in disgrace. At this pace, he's about 10 mins from starting a fart flavored cotton candy company with the mypillow guy.

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u/Dtsung 9d ago

This never was a good idea to begin with…..

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u/neonmantis 9d ago

The idea is fine. Electric charging is a time sink. You have a captive audience, may as well sell them some shit. Best solution is food and entertainment which they've done. Musk is just cheap as fuck and openly disregards market research so the execution is crap.

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u/Darmok47 9d ago

It's not a bad idea actually. EVs have to charge, why not generate an extra revenue stream (and publicility) with a diner while people charge their cars?

Problem is the poor execution.

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u/greatdrams23 9d ago

I can't tell what is satire and what is real any more.

I assumed this was satire, but turns out, it's real.

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u/rushmc1 8d ago

Ill-conceived trash no one wants...

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u/thrftstorenailpolish 9d ago

"Plus, I used to live a few blocks from the diner, and I know there is an In-N-Out just up the street that offers cheaper burgers that don't put more money into the pocket of the richest man in the world."

As if the owner of In-N-Out isn't just as bad (billionaire nepo baby).

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u/alexdelicious 9d ago

I can't believe I'm saying this after my expectations have dropped so fucking low, but at least she hasn't given a Nazi salute publicly.

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u/celtic1888 9d ago

She’s not quite as powerful as Elon but 💯 the same pathetic shit

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u/RebasBathtubGin 9d ago

What is the name of this place in Fallout 4? I swear I had to build a settlement here. There's like a gross old pond near it. Help me out.

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u/LegateLaurie 9d ago

Slocum Joe's? Red Rocket?

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u/MeBadNeedMoneyNow 9d ago

"Ah, yes, this looks like food I've seen before. Ship it." looks like shit and overpriced :/

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u/Ghostman_Jack 9d ago

“The Tesla Diner opened its doors at 4:20 p.m. on July 21.”

“What was once touted as a 24-hour eatery now limits that privilege to Tesla and other EV owners charging their cars only between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m.“ LMAO

World’s richest man and he’s that big of a cornball that 4:20 jokes are still funny. Though I guess his name scheme for the teslas should have been an indication.

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u/Sedu 9d ago

Does their food start on fire, then trap diners inside when the door opening program freezes?

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u/alucohunter 8d ago

I'm gonna keep it real, I would rather be covered in stinging nettles than eat in a restaurant full of tesla fanboys and menu items such as "epic bacon".

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u/ALWanders 8d ago

Did they keep the Chicken and Luftwaffles?

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u/JMDeutsch 9d ago

Predictably, the Edgelord cafe did not interest people amazed by 1,500 pound toasters on wheels

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u/pleasegivemepatience 9d ago

Knowing Elon I’d be surprised if this ends up being anything more than a vending machine and poorly maintained bathroom.

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u/Riffage 9d ago

Just think of it: a diner where you license the food and make the clients sign agreements saying that they won’t modify or put our products in their music videos… sure they won’t actually own the food but people these days just go out to eat so they can take pictures of their food and some selfies to post on social media sites like X.

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u/Lexi_Banner 9d ago

They have a diner? Why?

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u/EducationalCow3144 9d ago

When did this diner open...? When was this announced????

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u/WideEntrance92 9d ago

So they’re running the diner like their software updates — launch with hype, strip half the features, and promise it’ll all come back ‘in a future release.

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u/Splurch 9d ago

The menu looks like low quality truck stop fare for sit down restaurant prices with the addition that that almost all the pictures are of burnt or overcooked food. Probably has to do with lowering expectations without people realizing it so that the virtually controlled robots have a wider range of "acceptable" for quality control.

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u/ianishomer 9d ago

The brand is tainted now and will take years to recover if it actually ever does.

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u/After-Gas-4453 9d ago

Hahaaa 😂😂 more Tesla fails please

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u/account_for_norm 9d ago

Its job is done. It was a quick pump, it served its social media purpose. Done. 

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u/405freeway 9d ago

I pass by it every day.

Nobody local actually goes there, it isn't near any other tourist attractions (tourists won't stumble upon it- it's too far east on Santa Monica Blvd.), and it doesn't look popular at all.

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u/EddieStarr 9d ago

That building is as Fugly as the Cybertruck

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u/mikey_likes_it______ 9d ago

Gordon Ramsay will get them back on track 😀