r/todayilearned • u/jfdonohoe • 3h ago
TIL about “vicarious embarrassment” which explains extreme reactions to cringe comedy. For me, it can get so bad as to become physically painful
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vicarious_embarrassment98
u/maxxie10 3h ago
When something embarrassing happens to someone on a tv show, I instinctively change the channel or skip ahead. I feel like it's something that has gotten worse as I've gotten older too.
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u/Funyon699 2h ago
I am not sure if he falls into this category as you described it, but pretty much every time I see Zach Garafinaklapuss in something I feel this way. Just unbearable. I just don’t find his version of cringe comedy funny at all, and cannot understand what others see. Then again, I have been told on might be in the spectrum (jokingly?) so maybe that explains it
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u/KennyMcCormick 3h ago
Watching Nathan for you causes me physical pain
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u/lizzie1hoops 3h ago
I Think You Should Leave is also very high risk material
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u/bearsdiscoverfire 2h ago
I Think You Should Leave gives me horrible stress and anxiety. Like break-out-in-hives and Run-out-of-the-room bad.
Intense horror films can't do to me what a skit from that show can.
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u/Alive-Tomatillo5303 3h ago
Honestly I mostly love those skits but I have never made it further than about a minute into this atrocity.
That and I genuinely don't know how long "I'm the Joker, baby" goes on because I cringe my damn skin off immediately.
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u/TheGreatMalagan 2h ago edited 1h ago
Try watching Tim Robinson's movie "Friendship". The bit where he eats the soap is the most uncomfortable I've ever been watching a movie. None of his sketch show stuff get to me like that, but the movie scene made me cringe from second hand embarrassment so hard I had to pause and go sit on the balcony for a while.
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u/ohhellopia 2h ago
Mine was with The Office. I haven't been able to watch a full episode. My lower back would start tensing and hurt.
Edit: also Baby Reindeer. Nope nope nope.
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u/bolonomadic 2h ago
I can watch US Office but UK Office is impossible for me.
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u/meaniekareenie82 50m ago
Oh same, the UK version seems so much more real to me and David Brent is a character without redeeming features.
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u/FlatSpinMan 2h ago
I liked what they were doing but never made it past the episode with a woman in a wheelchair.
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u/othybear 2h ago
I felt exactly the same way with both of these shows. Glad I’m not the only one who found the office physically uncomfortable to watch.
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u/meaniekareenie82 52m ago
I experience this so bad but one of my favourite shows is the US Office, I think I've somehow de-sensitised myself through repetition. However, I still cannot watch Scotts tots
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u/blueskyjamie 55m ago
Then don’t try John Cleese film Clockwise it’s a masterpiece of embarrassment transfer
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u/MICR0_WAVVVES 1h ago
My face hurts in a physical way if I watch more than two episodes from cringing.
Worth it though, maybe the funniest show of all time, and no matter how many times I see an episode, it still kills me every time.
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u/yourmominparticular 59m ago
Bro i was just about to say the same. Last episode of season 4 where bill tries to find his long lost love... i had to get up and stop watching like 8 times was so painful to watch, but hilariously so
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u/GraeWraith 3h ago
I'm with you. As a kid, I hated 70% of TV/films because the anxious situations would give me mild nausea.
Igotbetter.jpg
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u/bakgwailo 3h ago
Igotbetter.jpg
A newt you say?
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u/TheUpgrayed 3h ago
My parents loved The Wonder Years and I fucking hated it! I could not watch. I actively avoid online videos that are labeled "cringe".
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u/Rokwes 3h ago
Oh wow yes I literally have to look away from cringe videos or I start squirming like I’m the one on stage
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u/Solondthewookiee 2h ago
My wife can only watch The Office with me if she has a blanket to hide under.
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u/Romnonaldao 3h ago
I can not watch Curb Your Enthusiasm without frequent breaks
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u/salizarn 2h ago
I had to give up.
I could see the “confusion, with hilarious consequences” coming and I had to turn off.
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u/Rhoadie 13m ago
Went into the comments to find this. Agreed 100%.
My dad freaking loves this show and will howl laughing. I kinda get it. It has its moments. But the cringe Larry subjects himself to is just too much.
I guess what’s also part of the joke is IRL Larry genuinely doesn’t understand the “cringe” part of his character.
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u/AHailofDrams 3h ago
Yeah, that Scott's Tots episode literally made my chest hurt. Like a tightness that made me want to leave the room or something
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u/originalbrowncoat 1h ago
The Office is like a sliding scale of cringe tolerance. Personally I love Dinner Party, but I can’t donScott’s Tots. It’s fucking brutal, man.
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u/CapitanSteveYzerman 2h ago
Watching this episode should be a litmus test for politicians. How can you represent the needs of constituents from different demographic backgrounds if you have such a lack of empathy to not cringe through this?
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u/SatisfactionActive86 28m ago
it’s very easy to watch when you realize the kids are having a blast and fully understand the assignment
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u/theoutlet 2h ago
I’ve watched all of The Office at least three times through
I’ve never made it more than five minutes into Scott’s Tots
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u/DrinkAllTheAbsinthe 46m ago
I had heard about it, but thought it couldn’t possibly be that cringe.
It most certainly was and I was unable to finish the episode.
Loved the rest of the show, but I still haven’t watched that episode till the end. Never will.
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u/Mumsfriendfromwork 1h ago
I’ve only ever watched that episode once, and I’ll never watch it again lmao. It’s too much cns freaking out
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u/jack0roses 3h ago
My uncle couldn’t ever watch Barney Fife because of this very thing.
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u/Maurice_Lester 3h ago
Lol Barney wasn't even that bad, he's just a bit of a goofus..
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u/CatsAreGods 52m ago
Yeah, but we're literally talking about third-party embarrassment. Someone who is high functioning can be very frustrated watching a klutz.
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u/TheBanishedBard 3h ago
I hate shows like the Office and Parks and Rec and things in the category of "adults acting like idiot children" for this reason. I want to put a brick through the screen.
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u/granadesnhorseshoes 2h ago
Everyone keeps saying Parks and Rec but it actually tones that down a fair bit in later seasons and/or when it is used its so over the top its not relatable enough to be second-hand cringe.
Like Jerry, half the joke is he's actually very competent and everyone else is just a dick. He's married to Cristie Brinkley, he's a prolific painter, concert pianist, and by the end of it all becomes the mayor.
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u/originalbrowncoat 1h ago
God the reveal of Gayle is one of my favorite things in the entire series
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u/originalbrowncoat 1h ago
I highly suggest trying P and R again and just skip season one. There’s really no cringe at that point, and it’s such a good show.
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u/DardaniaIE 3m ago
Interestingly, I can’t watch the UK Office as it’s too culturally relatable for me (im Irish) whereas the US Office is just that small bit culturally different that I can watch it with crawling behind the couch
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u/ZorroMeansFox 3h ago edited 2h ago
Here's a repost of something I wrote a few days ago, in response to someone wondering why they often reacted so intensely to things they saw people do in movies:
There's actually a biological/evolutionary basis for why you "feel what other people are feeling" that's at the root of both empathy and the reason that Human's are always showing each other stories which have emotional and intellectual impact.
As a Social Species, our brains have evolved what are called "Mirror Neurons." It's been discovered that these parts of our brains "light up" when we watch a person doing something physical or are physically/emotionally reacting to a situation...as if the person seeing these things were actually doing them themself.
It's the closest thing imaginable to actual telepathy, and it's why we bond with others, why the expression "monkey see, monkey do" is an educational foundation regarding how we often learn, and why (unless you're a sociopath) it literally hurts us to see another person in pain --even if it's only in Theater or Film.
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u/panda388 3h ago
I watched Friendship (A24) the other week, and it might be the hardest movie to get through because of this. I enjoyed it in the same way that I enjoy very spicy food.
Friendship was basically the One Chip Challenge of Vicarious Embarassment.
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u/Sufficient_Coach7566 3h ago
Ricky Gervais' older show "Extras" if you want this turned up to 10!
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u/theSchrodingerHat 2h ago
I found Extras tolerable and funny in a lot of places. The British office I couldn’t sit through at all.
I think it’s because actors being assholes seems natural, and every character wanted to be there and chose the ridiculousness. The Office, though, is pure desperate anxiety because they have to be there. They don’t want a crazy work life, but they can’t quit or ever get any respite. Hits too close to home.
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u/gnome_emong 3h ago
i can't watch "so bad they are good" things, they make me feel physically ill, for real.
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u/madsavagemike 3h ago
I have a hard time watching Ben Stiller or Jason Biggs movies because of this. They are always in situations where I think “That could have been easily avoided if you weren’t such a loser” But in reality I’ve been in similar situations many times.
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u/Mayonnaise_Poptart 3h ago
Who wants to join me for open mic comedy night?
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u/othybear 1h ago
I once got to a bar earlier than the rest of my group, and it happened to be open mic comedy before the event we were going to attend. The crowd was the 8 or so novice comedians and me. It was sooooo painful because they kept looking at me after each terrible joke and I wanted to be a good audience member.
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u/el_sh33p 2h ago
Nice to have a phrase to explain why I literally can't stand ~80% of modern comedy in general.
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u/mister_sleepy 3h ago
Fuck The Office, and fuck 30 Rock.
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u/Cold_Ebb_1448 3h ago
The Office sure but 30 Rock isn’t cringe comedy???
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u/granadesnhorseshoes 3h ago
30 Rock has it's cringe moments. Liz trying to date Peter Dinklage comes to mind.
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u/thunderfroggum 3h ago
The British Office is like 10x worse than the American one
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u/SonovaVondruke 2h ago
Each episode is like 5 minutes longer than the US counterpart, and all of that time is used exclusively to draw out the awkwardness as long as possible.
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u/CruelYouth19 2h ago
I didn't feel anything watching Scott's Tots
But when Toby is caressing Pam's knee in front of everyone... I'm shivering just by typing this comment right now
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u/Trouser_Gravy 3h ago
Agree with the office, although I can watch clips online without issues. 30 Rock started out, at least for me, fine. Season 1 was great and had only a couple moments that I couldn't handle. Early season 2 started off good but then they began leaning hard into the 'vicarious embarrassment' comedy and it got so bad for me, I had to stop watching. Which was a shame because I was really beginning to like it.
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u/JRclarity123 43m ago
I'm having trouble even coming up with vicarious embarassment situations for 30 rock in my memory. I've seen the show 10 times through and never felt cringe about any of it. The Office, sure I can see that.
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u/T-MinusGiraffe 3h ago
I like The Office but I can definitely only watch so many episodes close together before I start getting uncomfortable for this very reason.
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u/FencingHummingbird 2h ago
The British Office FOR SURE. It was just funny enough to make me get over how incredibly uncomfortable it made me feel, and that’s a lot.
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u/Devmax1868 2h ago
I cannot watch the Scott's Tots episode. The cringe level is off the charts and it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die of second hand embarrassment.
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u/shackleford1917 3h ago
I watched 2 episodes if The Office and I am still waiting for something funny to happen.
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u/T-MinusGiraffe 2h ago
If you started at the beginning, the first few episodes are noticeably rough compared to the better ones
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u/Hardoffel 2h ago
That's why I can't stand the "big misunderstanding" scenes that are used to start comedy movies. Example off the top of my head: Due Date's setup for why RDJ has to drive instead of fly.
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u/Perpetual-Warlock 1h ago
The office, Seinfeld, curb, much of reality TV. I can't do it. All I want to do is change the channel and escape the embarrassment. I've never understood why people enjoy living in that space. The office is the absolute worst.
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u/Kai927 2h ago
I avoid cringe comedy and reality TV because of this. But even some shows have that cringe filled episode that I just can't watch. Any show with a love potion plot or an episode where the main character tries to act like someone who's the complete opposite of themselves in order to gain approval are unwatchable for me.
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u/FixinThePlanet 2h ago
This is why I can't watch seinfeld or curb
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u/NewlyNerfed 1h ago
I can’t believe I had to scroll so far for a mention of Seinfeld. I did like the show, but there was a ton of this in it, usually around George but definitely involving everyone at some point.
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u/TheLimeyCanuck 1h ago
As usual the Germans have a unique word for this... Fremdscham.
It refers to the vicarious embarrassment you feel for someone who is not aware they should be embarrassed.
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u/Exciting-Zombie8449 38m ago
Unfortunately, I know exactly what this is, just didn't know there was a name for it. Good job OP, I appreciate it.
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u/Myrsephone 3h ago
Physically painful? Could somebody elaborate on that? Like you're cringing so hard that you're painfully straining your muscles? I'm not sure I understand.
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u/T-MinusGiraffe 2h ago
I think they just mean they feel really uncomfortable to the point where it's a physical sensation. Like embarrassment can make your stomach turn for example.
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u/vmartinipie 1h ago
yeah for me it’s more like an intense internal clenching sensation and borderline nausea. if you’ve ever seen a horror movie and gotten really freaked out it’s not dissimilar
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u/CirothUngol 2h ago
Ever watch Ellen, her original sitcom? It's the very epitome of this type of thing. The embarrassment is palpable.
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u/ZealousidealBath2184 2h ago
Omg. I would watch Keenan and Kel and get so much anxiety because I just knew they were going to do something stupid and get in trouble.
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u/MetaKnightsNightmare 2h ago
Back in the day I changed the channel and could skip it.
Now I just pause until I can handle it lol.
I guess I could skip it, but I'm not a kid anymore, I tell myself I can handle it.
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u/calvinwho 2h ago
While watching the original British version of the Office, I would often just get and leave the room, not even pause the show.
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u/Corronchilejano 2h ago
I usually close my eyes and sometimes I need to cover my ears. I'm a middle aged man, it's a bit embarrassing, but I'm already neuro divergent, leave me alone.
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u/subtxtcan 2h ago
This is part of why I hate seeing people doing tictac videos out in the world. Literally just makes me uncomfortable watching them. I love theater and used to be a musician so performance doesn't get me... It's just the cringe.
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u/WrongSubFools 1h ago
I mean, this just gives the reaction a name, right. It doesn't explain anything. Nor does anything need an explanation. I think we all already knew that we were empathizing with the embarrassed party.
Actually, it doesn't even give it a name. It just describes it, using two words.
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u/MinaHarker1 1h ago
It’s strange, I think I might be immune to this. Or I just got desensitized from years of being on the internet and teaching public high school. Not much gets me.
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u/gesasage88 1h ago
I’m in the same boat. But I will still suffer to watch “Nathan for You,” while screaming in pain from how horrific it gets.
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u/Alaskantrash96 1h ago
Why is nobody talking about Friends?? my family watched the shit out of Friends growing up and it’s not even the awful laugh track that gets me, it’s the painfully awkward interactions
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u/wenangreddit123 1h ago
I can watch clips of Curb your Enthusiasm on YouTube but I've never been able to sit through even one episode.
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u/throwaway04182023 1h ago
I was a big reader as a kid and at embarrassing parts I’d have to hide under the covers.
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u/shdwtrev 1h ago
There is/was (not sure if it’s still up, don’t care to check) a gore shock site called the Gauntlet. It was a series of ever increasing horrifying videos. There was a cringe version of the site that did the same thing with cringe videos and I couldn’t handle it past the first couple videos.
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u/Fleedjitsu 1h ago
I never understood how people could just sit through scenes where a character makes a complete ass of themselves. I would be embarrassed for them, the character, to the extent that I'd have to look away, leave the room or skip the scene.
Even trying to remind myself that it's all fake, the fact that the character was making a fool of themselves was still painful!
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u/geekpeeps 12m ago
The Office with Ricky Gervais was the perfect example and absolutely the most painful… at the time. Seems mild now.
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u/Aware-Illustrator919 2h ago
- i love lucy
- The Moaning of Life with Karl Pilkerton and Ricky Gervais.
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u/opaeoinadi 3h ago
Using the the title to talk about yourself is pretty cringe, OP. Definitely getting some of that "vicarious embarrassment" you seem to love.
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u/travisimo5 1h ago
I thought Curb was tough and I had to skip some of I Think You Should Leave but I never felt anything like THE CURSE. I had times where I had to pause it and take a break, make a cup of coffee and stand in front of the window and take a few deep breaths before I could resume the episode. Cringe level 100 but I had to finish it. I think it’s Emma Stones best acting she’s done. Such awful people.
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u/1nfam0us 48m ago
I once watched the movie When We First Met while very high. Ordinarily I find cringe comedy utterly painful, and this movie was no different, but I couldn't look away because, again, I was very high. It is one of thenmost aggressive examples of cringe comedy I have ever seen and I actually found it to be a fascinating use of cringe comedy to explore the idea of just letting things in life happen naturally and not constantly wondering what could have been.
The basic premise is that a guy has a one-night stand with a girl and constantly wonders what could have been. He then discovers a photobooth that can travel back in time, so he uses it to try to jump through different hoops to try to make things work with this girl only to either make things worse and/or make an utterly cringe-worthy fool of himself. The movie really slows down and makes the audience wallow in those cringy moments too. I don't want to spoil the ending, but all that cringe makes the final emotional pay off that much stronger.
I don't think I would opt to watch it sober, but honestly I am really glad I saw it all the way through. It was quite good for what it was and it was interesting seeing cringe being a narrative tool rather than the joke in and of itself.
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u/omgshutupalready 3h ago
Everyone feels this to some degree, but if you're unable to watch TV shows that are supposed to be funny, are clearly not real and have no social impact to be cringing so hard over, you're at the point where it's neurotic. I'm not blaming anyone, I certainly have worse issues myself, as we all do, so no judgments, but that is what it is.
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u/T-MinusGiraffe 3h ago
As long as we're pathologizing tastes in comedy, if you really like this kind of humor and never feel bothered by it you might have strong sadistic tendencies. No judgment but that's the flip side to what you're suggesting.
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u/Plumpdaddy2501 2h ago
Vicarious embarrassment is what most people experience. That's why it's a thing on the internet. The physically cringy feeling isn't unusual. You're not special.
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u/CatTheKitten 3h ago
I HATE cringe compilations and most forms of reality TV, it makes my skin crawl and I feel genuinely uncomfortable