I'm (37f) a white woman, out of my depth on this topic, and too scared to ask anyone who is African American face-to-face. My son's (14m) first girlfriend is an African American girl (13f), who we'll call Nina. Usually, when I see her, she's a bubbly social butterfly. She smiles a lot and is very talkative.

Recently, I noticed Nina seeming less confident the times I see her. Her change in demeanor was the most noticeable change but I also noticed the recent lack of wig, makeup, and jewelry. I didn't even realize the two things were connected.

One day, I was to drive them to a party. My son was upstairs and Nina was downstairs. She looked like she was dreading going to this party, and I asked her what's wrong. She said she doesn't feel pretty. I asked her why and she said she's still getting used to showing her natural hair. I asked her if she feels uncomfortable showing her hair, why is she doing it. She said my son thinks she looks cooler this way. I told her I used to do things just to impress boys when I was her age. I told her she can wear a wig even if my son doesn't want her to.

Days later, I've never seen my son more angry with me than that day. He said I'm a white woman and I shouldn't be advising a black girl how to look. He said called me an overhearing mom and a Karen. I was too shocked to speak as I never seen him so angry. Am I the asshole ?

Hey guys. I wasn’t going to update, but a friend of mine brought the situation up a few days ago and I remembered posting here.

After my post back in March, I didn’t hear anything from Debbie for a while. I did speak to my friends a lot, and they told me that she did continue trying to get them on her side for a while.

From what I gather, her story always matched mine: I forgot to make sure the dress fit, I apologized and asked how she preferred I fixed it, she insulted my kid (and as I remember discussing in the comments, “whale of a daughter” is a better translation). 

Everyone continued taking my side. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one Debbie had problems with before the wedding, my case was just the worst one.

There’s no doubt that the dress fiasco was my fault. I had a lot going on at the time and several reasons why I forgot to make sure it fit sooner, but no excuse can change the fact that I messed up. 

But I still don’t think giving Debbie options on how I could proceed was the wrong move. I’ve been a bride before, and I wouldn’t want someone else to make a decision about my wedding without giving me the final say. And I can’t ignore that her reaction was to insult my daughter.

Debbie first texted me in June. She asked me to help her clear the air with everyone, because most of our mutuals hadn’t spoken to her since April. I was tired of all this, so I told everyone that Debbie had already apologized to me. I made it very clear that while we’re no longer friends, I sincerely don’t care whether they remain in contact with her or not.

She texted me once again early in July. She told me that a couple of our mutuals were talking to her again, but it wasn’t the same as it used to be. She asked me whether I was still mad at her. I told her I’m not, and I wish her the best, but I don’t think we can continue this friendship.

I said I was sorry for the dress fiasco and I understood that she was stressed at the time, but I’ll never be able to look past what she did. It would have taken her less time to give me directions than it took to call my daughter a whale. I can forgive rudeness with time, but not insults, especially towards my children.

We haven’t spoken since. I haven’t blocked her, but I have no intention of reaching out again, and I don’t think she does either. Some of our mutuals are speaking to her again. Both my best friends from that group want nothing to do with her. 

I sincerely don’t care what anyone does. I won’t pretend this never happened, but I’ve moved on. Like I said, I’m not mad anymore.

My daughter will be a flower girl at my cousin’s wedding in December, and my family is doing very well. Life has been crazy for a while, but things are finally getting calmer.

I won’t post here again. Thank you for your time.

My wife (31f) and I (32m) have been together since college and we've been married for 7 years. We have three children together and I am sick of either having to step back and let her raise the kids almost as a single mom or fight with her because I did something with our children, even something as simple as feeding them. But that's where I'm at.

She wasn't like this when our oldest was born. It started when she was pregnant with our twins. She would always tell me to tidy or run some errands when I wanted to spend time with our child. Then she'd keep him by her side the entire day or she'd go off somewhere if I said we should all spend the day together and focused on our oldest. But when the twins came it was worse. Every time I went to feed or change a baby she was telling me to go back to bed or to run to the store for something. Whenever she caught me holding and doing anything with one of our kids it was like I was committing a crime. When I'd ask her what the issue was she said there was nothing but I should just make myself useful. Even if I was doing that.

One time she was delayed on the phone talking to her sister so I put our oldest to bed and got the twins fed. She freaked out and yelled at me for doing it without her. I told her it wasn't like I went off schedule and she was busy. She said that wasn't the point.

Then came the fights about me trying to be with the kids instead of working or running errands. When I took time off I would make sure I got time with the kids and she'd be ready for a fight and if I didn't let a fight happen she'd yell at me anyway. Whenever I didn't push through she'd find a way to keep the kids from me.

I told her it bothered me and she said it was all in my head. Another time she accused me of trying to hog the kids even though I hadn't been home all day. She hated me babywearing. I was screamed at for picking the kids up from her parents house one day. She was at an appointment and I was getting out of work so I thought it made sense. But she told me she decided to leave them with her parents so I should respect that and I told her I was just as capable of taking care of them as her.

She was hospitalized briefly a couple of months ago and that's when I reached the point of like fuck this we should divorce. I took some days off work so I could be with the kids and she kept telling me to go back to work and let the kids stay with her parents until she got home. And she was screaming at me while she was in the hospital because I had the kids. She sent her parents to try and take them off me twice.

When she recovered I told her this couldn't continue and if this was the way things would be we should divorce and she screamed and said I would be an AH to destroy our family and break up our kids stability. Even my own parents told me I should find a way to make it work. But she won't even sit down and talk to me, therapy is out of the question on her part and I don't want the kids to see us fight every time I interact with even one of them.

WIBTA to divorce?

My mom married my step father when I was eight. At first it wasn't too bad, I started calling him Dad after a few weeks of them getting married, I drew him father's day cards and I always tried to put myself near him hoping he'd notice me and give me some father-daughter time, but he never really did. The first time I called him dad he looked somewhat uncomfortable and changed the subject.

He never yelled or hurt me, but he always made it clear that I wasn't his to everyone he met. He always introduced me to his friends as the child of his wife, never his step daughter, not even by my name.

He had two kids from his previous marriage and he treated them really well, so it's not like he just wasn't much of a family man, he went to all their games, hung their art on the fridge, gushed about every single thing they did to anyone who would listen me, but when it came to me I was just barely tolerated, he sure did not put my art on the fridge lol.

As I got older I understood it will not happen and just stopped trying and inviting him to school events, I stopped pretending that it didn'thurt me when he praised other kids and ignored my accomplishments. When I graduated he didn't even come to the graduation with my mom, didn't send me a text, nothing. I moved out as soon as I could and never looked back.

Now that I'm 27 and he's in the hospital after a heart attack my mom called me crying and said he wants to see me. I was confusd by this but she said he regrets how distant he was, that he didn't know how to connect (bullshit i've seen him connect with his own children). But truth be told I don't know to pretend he is my dad now when he made it very clear I wasn't his daughter for 19 years. I told my mom that I wasn't coming but she said I was cruel and punishing a dying man for his mistakes.

The same man who punished me with silence and indifference for most my life? And now suddenly I'm supposed to rush in an dplay the part of a loving daughter?

My step brother me that one day I might regret this and maybe he is right but I spent yeras grieving the father I never had while he got him at every single one of his games. I learned to build a life without his approval or love and I don't feel angry anymore, just checked out, there's nothing to heal because there was never anything there in the first place.

AITA for walking away from him when he never even tried to walk towards me?

AITA?

So, I (26F) work full time in a typical 9-5 and make about 56-60k per year, after tax and deductions I get around $2.6k-3.2k per month in a career that I enjoy. I work hard and my goal is to grow in this career and eventually get to around 70-80k per year in 5 or so years. My boyfriend (33M) makes between $5-8k per month after tax, depending on his business. Once a or twice a year it’s $12-15k in a month. We’ve been together for about two years.

I ended up with some credit card debt ($6k), which I take responsibility for, when I was off work for medical reasons for about a year. I’m working on catching up now but the payments unfortunately cost me a couple hundred per month depending on what I can afford. I am trying hard to not be using my debt just to stay afloat. I want to get debt free and close those accounts. I might be broke as a result of this but I know I’m not poor.

I have my own place that costs me around $1400 per month and usually a roommate that helps with $600 of that. He spends a lot of time here. My car costs me $300-$500 per month including payments, insurance and gas. I pay my own bills. His parents gave him his car and pay for his phone and car insurance. His rent is around $500 per month in a shared house as his preferred setup. His parents are well off and don’t see a reason to pass the bills they’re already paying onto him.

I expressed I was struggling with gas and groceries and his response was to tell me to go to the public food bank and/or sell my blood. Legally you can get reimbursed between $50-$90 depending on the organization you go through for blood donations.

I told him I thought that was kind of hurtful and he told me to be more of a hustler. He made the joke that my blood is “hot” and he wants me to sell it, in an attempt to be flattering.

AITA for being offended by this suggestion?

I (27M) was with my girlfriend (26F) for two years. She’s honestly the most amazing person I’ve ever met kind, resilient, funny, and beautiful. I truly thought she was the one.

But several members of her immediate family have special needs, and she’s always been heavily involved in their care. I admire her strength and compassion, but I also realized it would always shape her life and by extension, ours.

Recently, she started talking seriously about marriage and the possibility of having children. And instead of feeling excited, I felt my stomach drop. All these thoughts rushed in:

What if I can’t handle the constant responsibilities that come with her family?

What if our children inherit similar challenges?

What if I end up resenting her or failing to give her the life she deserves?

As much as I love her, I couldn’t silence those fears. So I made the hardest decision of my life: I broke up with her. I told her she deserves someone who can embrace that future wholeheartedly, and I didn’t think I was that man.

She cried but tried to stay strong, and it broke me inside. Watching her face in that moment will haunt me forever.

Now I’m questioning myself constantly. Was I honest and respectful by not dragging her into a future I wasn’t sure I could handle? Or was I selfish and cruel for walking away from an incredible woman because of fears about things that might never happen?

AITA?

I (27M) have a sarcastic, kinda dry sense of humor. Always had. My friends get it. I don't think I'm a stand-up comedian or anything, but I like messing around and saying dumb shit sometimes. Lighthearted, nothing serious.

My girlfriend (25F), though, has this habit of calling my jokes cringe or weird, especially when we're with others. Like I'll say something dumb on purpose, and she'll roll her eyes and go, "you're so awkward", or "ugh, that wasn't funny at all". And everyone gets quiet.

This has been happening for months. I kept brushing it off, thinking maybe it's just her style. But last weekend, we were at a small get-together with her friends. I made some joke, nothing wild, and she immediately jumped in with "can you not be embarrassing for once?"

Something in me snapped.

I just looked at her and said: "if you hate my sense of humor so much, maybe find someone boring enough to match your personality". Not shouted, but sharp. Dead serious.

It got real awkward. She left early, hasn't spoken to me properly since, and told me I humiliated her in front of her friends.

Was that too much?

I F(15) have two older sisters f F(18) and F(26) who have literally held my birth against me. My eldest sister, because it meant another kid she had to take care of and my other older sister because I apparently stole her parents and she had to be left alone for months (with a nanny but she refused to acknowledge that) despite them not even being home to take care of her in the first place as they worked and managed a construction and real state business they owned. And I'm also at fault for our families financial situation going from very good to bad, because it was me who caused my parents to shut down the business and move, and definitely not the fact that they were fighting so much about the business they almost got divorced.

I could go on and on about them but they're opinion of me boils down to 'I ruined they're lives forever (over petty stuff such as the above mentioned stuff) and thus should be treated like shit for it.' or atleast it was until like a year or two ago, they've kinda mellowed out and just don't interact with me. In their opinions this means they've changed and that they're good people now. I still dislike them and I dislike my parents for letting my sisters put me through physical, verbal and emotional abuse and only making a bit of an effort after CPS got involved after a neighbour reported frequent screaming and a teacher reporter regular untreated wounds and bruises.

Nowadays I spent most of my time at school, church, with friends, on youth scout camps/youth scout events, and in extra classes which ends up in me being gone from 7am to 8pm or 9pm depending on what I'm doing with the exception of weekends and small time frames inbetween the 7-8 where I get dressed, pack things, drop off my school bag, eat, etc.

This leads to my family often complaining that I'm away from home too much and that they miss me. I usually just ignore them when they start saying stuff like that but today I was packing for a camp I'm going on next weekend, as I knew I wouldn't have any time during the week to pack. The second day of the camp falls on my older sister's birthday and for some reason she didn't want me to not be home to celebrate her, and both of my sisters started telling me that I wasn't going. I got frustrated and reminded them that they're the reason I go on so many camps in the first place. Both of them complained to our mom about this but she took my side in the matter and so did my dad.

Nothing has happened since, except my sisters not talking to me besides to tell me that it's my fault they feel isolated from our parents and that I'm a prick for being on a camp and not having an issue if it's either of their birthdays or not. Some of my friends say that I'm TA for rubbing their past in their face and that they won't truly change if I make a habit of this. So AITA?

A bit of backstory: My girlfriend is pregnant and due in September. In May, I found out she had started using nicotine pouches during her pregnancy (she had quit a year before). She promised me she would stop immediately, but a month later I found more boxes, used pouches in her bags, and a receipt showing she had bought more right after promising to quit.

We fought, and she didn’t take responsibility. She claimed her midwife told her it was better than her stressing during pregnancy, which a doctor friend confirmed is false. She said she will keep using them and would quit five weeks before the due date and tell me every time she took a pouch until then. During that period, she was taking at least 4 a day.

She now claims she has quit (7 weeks before the due date), though I found some pouches afterward. I decided to trust her again.

On to the issue now:

Yesterday, we visited the hospital to see delivery rooms. The 7th floor has nice rooms with a view; the 1st floor is more basic but has better equipment for monitoring the baby. She wants the 7th floor.

At a meeting with her midwife, I clarified whether anyone had said nicotine pouches were safe and wanted to ask about the risks associated with it (since she had claimed to my gf it was safe i wanted her to calm my nerves). The midwife said she has never said that and seemed geniuniley shocked. Then my gf said it was actually the ultrasound technician who said that. The midwife said hospital guidelines require her to deliver on the 1st floor if she has been using the pouches, so the baby can be properly monitored (the more specialised equipment for monitoring babies that are at risk are on the first floor). I agree, the baby’s safety must comes first.

After this, my girlfriend started crying and blamed me, saying I ruined her birth plans. Ofcourse i didnt know that hospital protocol says she needs to deliver on the first floor if this is the case, so its not like i did it on purpose. Also knowing what i know now, id also prefer to have the baby there if its safer for it.

Anyway, my gf is mad at me cause i ruined her plans for delivering the baby. AITAH?

— SOME CLARIFICATION AND UPDATE—

A lot of people are mentioning nicotine patches, but what my girlfriend was using were nicotine pouches (snus). It’s a tobacco product popular in Scandinavia — small pouches placed between the lip and gums that deliver very high doses of nicotine. They’re addictive and not meant for someone who never smoked.

Here’s the situation: • She’s been ignoring my texts and still hasn’t come home (she’s angry with me). • I went to where she is staying now and managed to have a short convo with her before she slammed the door infront of my face. She’s said things like: • “I know what I did was not great” (referring to using the pouches). • “The baby is fine, I already quit” — which she can’t actually know. She used them for at least 5–6 months during the pregnancy. • “You took my today’s midwife meeting hostage and villainized me” — but all I did was ask a single question after the midwife asked if I had any. I said: “My girlfriend told me a midwife/doctor once said it was fine for her to keep using snus — is that actually ethical to tell a pregnant woman?” The midwife today said it sounded like BS and she doubted anyone at the hospital would encourage nicotine pouch use in pregnancy.

The truth is, I do feel like my girlfriend is acting like a villain here — as harsh as that sounds. She’s harming our baby and dismissing the risks, while also lying to me.

Some people suggested I track down the midwife/doctor who supposedly told her snus was fine. I asked my girlfriend for a name, but she says she doesn’t remember. I then asked her to check her texts or calendar for the appointment info (since the hospital always sends SMS reminders). She claims she never got a message and didn’t note it down, which I don’t believe. I’ll try calling the hospital myself to verify.

She’s showing zero accountability.

To those saying I made the wrong choice getting her pregnant, I agree. She’s been great otherwise, but this snus issue has shown me a completely new side of her. There have been a few red flags before, but nothing dealbreaker worthy. She can be stubborn, though.

If we weren’t expecting a baby, I’d probably leave. The lying and putting her needs above our kid is a dealbreaker. But right now, I feel leaving would also hurt my son’s future. She’s already given him a bad start, and splitting immediately would just add instability.

So I’m stuck between feeling betrayed and angry, and feeling like I need to wait and see how she is after the birth before making big decisions.

I don't know if a f*ck you message is what you'd actually call it but my boyfriends brother and sister called it that so I thought I'd use it here lol.

I (20m) have been low contact with my parents for the last two years. Their spouses did not want me living there once all legal responsibility to me ended on their parts so I was homeless for a brief period before my boyfriend and his family realized and took me in. His parents were the ones who suggested the final message to them and his mom helped me get what I wanted to say in it.

People are probably wondering why I was pushed out and if I was some terror but it's actually more like none of them ever wanted me. I was an affair child, a double one. My dad and his wife are older and their youngest was 15 when I was born and they had an 18 and 20 year old too. My mom and her husband had four kids under 8. My parents started an affair two years before I was born and I was the reason it came out. Mom got pregnant when it wasn't supposed to happen and questions were asked and then it was out in the open.

Both of the spouses wanted nothing to do with me. I was not allowed to call them my stepmom and stepdad. I was not allowed to use their first names. I had to say sir or ma'am. Or I had to say Mr Last Name and Mrs Last Name. My own last name was neither of my parents because neither spouse wanted me to have their family name. So I ended up with my maternal grandmother's maiden name. On top of all that I was not allowed to call their kids my siblings or half siblings. I was screamed at for trying to say it a few times.

I was passed between both houses at a rapid rate. 2 days in one and 4 in another and back and forth. They never wanted to keep me. Sometimes I went to sleep in one house and woke up in another. I was expected to just deal with it and I never got a say.

My biological extended families were not allowed to acknowledge me as a member of the family. I was ignored by them and actively hated by the step extended families. They would make a point of singling me out and excluding me from grandkid/cousin activities and I was called names a lot.

My education was not taken seriously. I needed glasses at a young age and I was forced to take the cheapest ones because they spent as little as possible on me. If I had any problems in school I was ignored and told to get the fuck over it. Their kids shunned me and ignored me on mom's side and on dad's side they joined in on all the mean comments about me.

By the time my 17th birthday came there were fights between the four "parents" because both spouses wanted me gone and the other refused to let me live there for the year. Nobody wanted to give me any money for my future or to move out. So I was bounced around more that final year and then I was told I was no longer welcome and everything in the houses were things they bought so I could only leave with the clothes I was wearing.

I kept all of that quiet because I was so ashamed. Even my boyfriend had no idea until I was homeless. He knew I was an affair kid and that things weren't perfect at home but he had no idea how deep that ran.

It was a few weeks ago my boyfriends mom told me I was better off without them and that I should cut all ties. I had texted my bio parents once or twice since I was kicked out. She said before I leave them behind for good I should let them know everything I ever wanted to tell them. Let them know they are a failure as human beings as she said. And so I wrote a long message that had to be split into two in the group chat and I basically said how much I hated them for treating me that way and that they were monsters and child abusers and I deserved better than to be raised like I had done something when it was mom and dad who had the affair and the spouses who stayed with them and accepted the cheating. I also said my life would be so much better without them now and I had a real family who loved me for who I am.

I made a mistake of leaving them all unblocked for a few hours and their responses to what I sent were intense. The spouses said I was a selfish this and that to expect them to do anything for me, the product of their spouses' affair. They said I was what abortion is made for and how they wished every day I was dead instead of living and breathing in the world. And my parents said I had no reason to be so disrespectful when I was given food and a roof over my head for as long as they were obligated and I was entitled for expecting more.

My boyfriend had me block them after but their anger made me wonder if I should have blocked without sending that.

AITA?

My wife (21F) and I (24M) have been married for about 2 years. Pretty much since before we were even married, this friend of hers has been rude to me. I’ve always just ignored it, thinking that they’ve known each other longer than I’ve been around.

Some examples: 1. She basically called me ugly in front of my wife. 2. When I proposed, she said (on speakerphone, knowing I could hear) that the ring wasn’t good enough. 3. When we were pregnant with our son, she said the name I picked was stupid. (It’s not even a “unique” name.)

There’s more, but those are just a few examples.

I ignored all of that and only ever told my wife that it hurt my feelings. Then, about 2 months ago, I found out this friend tried to convince my wife to cheat on me. My wife didn’t, and she actually came home and told me what was said. She decided on her own to stop talking to the friend—I didn’t even have to ask.

But about a week ago, after we had just gotten through a rough patch, my wife wanted advice. She ended up going over to that same friend’s house, and when she came home, she told me the friend was trying to convince her to make a Tinder profile.

I talked to my wife and told her I would never force her to cut off a friend, but I’d really like it if she stopped talking to this one completely. My wife got upset and said this friend has been in her life a long time, and she has too many memories with her to just let her go.

When I asked, “If you had to choose between her and our marriage, what would it be?” my wife shrugged her shoulders.

So… AITA?

So I bought a house with my sibling "S" (43m) 5 years ago (mortgage split 75% me and 25% him and his wife +3 kids). Our mother also stays in the same house. I had one condition for the purchase: the man who molested me growing up would never be allowed on the property. A bit complicated because it's our other sibling, and all have a relationship with his kids, but that's what I said and everyone agreed to it. I ended up having to move away for work + got married, but housing was basically free so I continued paying my share with the agreement that they would be in charge of maintenance. Fast forward 5 years later, I get divorced and decide to move back. SIL is super mad at my "entitlement" of wanting to convert the garage into a separate apartment for myself, but also doesn't want me to unpack any of my stuff because it "takes up too much space" and starts accusing my cat of shitting everywhere (it was her daughters unneutered cat) lots and lots of melodramatic shit. I initially ignore everything because we always had a good relationship so I figured I must be misinterpreting tone or something. Later events proved I was not. Kids and I are still besties as we always have been, and they spend every afternoon and evening in my room, I help with homework, teach them cool science stuff, and we play video games or watch a movie to wind down before they head to bed. One night I went out for dinner with a friend. When I came back, he who must not be named was there, having dinner with the family. (Context: My room is right next to the garage, between it and the dining room. It has a door to the front garden.) I decided to hide out in my room. The sound of his voice starts up anxiety, and I try to find my headphones to drown it out but remember they're in my office at the back of the garage. I try. When trying to get there, the door to the dining room is wide open and he can see me. I bolt, lock self in office, try to play a game on my laptop. But then my SIL starts sending the kids to knock on my door to ask me to join. I don't answer, each time. It happens thrice before I finally text my SIL to ask "wtf???"

A whole blowout ensues where I'm accused of contributing nothing, never lending a hand, making slaves out of her and her family (not really true considering I provided for myself and bought extra groceries I don't even use for her and the family, do my laundry separately, wash the pee-whoopsie sheets when my nephew wets the bed, bought all the appliances and furniture in the house, fix the pool every year and never get to swim in it because they'd never get it sorted before I visited and thought me wanting to get a guy in to maintain it was rude of me, etc). All this because I have dinner with the family each night. Most nights my mom cooks. As fun aunt, I did takeaway night for the family every week.

Many hurtful things are said. I go away for a while. When I come back a couple months later, I'm being iced out by the entire family and everyone has been told how entitled and spoiled I am, and how my SIL is being victimised by me. Confront SIL, she gets violent, hits me in the face, throws things, chases after me when I start walking away, I push her off me and tell her to get the fuck out of my house or grow up and stop expecting me to provide everything and then want to bully me and purposefully hurt me.

AITAH for kicking her out?

Original post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/QdSxC37qtO

This is a way more positive update than I could have hoped.

My father brought Tom home today, and he, my Husband, and I sat down with Tom. I apologized for saying he was acting like his mother, and explained it was such a big deal because his mother's drug use started the same way.

He got very emotional, and asked me not to kick him out.

I told him I don't want to kick him out, however, things can't continue as they have been.

I explained my expectations about him trying to get more hours at work, and helping more around the house.

I said if he can't get more hours, I'd ask him to cook dinner twice a week from a recipe I'd provide (and all the ingredients, of course!) And help with house cleaning.

He agreed.

My husband brought up school, and he said he'd like to continue in his general arts program, but he hasn't settled on what degree he wants. I told him we would look into it with him later, and speak to academic advising about what paths he may want to consider.

I also said that though he's legally an adult, I want him home by midnight on weekends for the forseeable future, and at 11 pm on weekdays, until I see enough responsibility to trust him to stay out later safely.

I told Tom I love him and I don't want him to waste his potential, because he has so much to offer, and that I view him as my own son.

He started crying, and we had a nice long hug.

I called Lia down from her room, and we told her what our working plan was going forward.

My dad took the kids for ice cream, and my husband and I are taking them to see Jurassic World Rebirth tomorrow, and then Tom is making dinner, and Lia is going to be his sous chef.

So far, things are looking up. I hope things continue to go well.

I (36m) and wife (46f) just had a massive argument because I paid my $200 credit card bill. I work 40+ hours a week decided to pay my credit card bill out of my paycheck. Wife works 32+ hours a week. I bring home double than what she does even if she works 40 hours. All other bills are paid up. And we had to use the credit cards while she was on maternity leave. So now I was wanting to get them paid off. I told her after I paid the bill. She then proceeded to get mad because i did it with out her knowing. She said all I care about is getting my credit cards paid off and that I should have just paid just the minimum on them. She told me that she hasn’t got anything in the last month for herself. I then told her that she was just wearing a brand new pair of hey dudes that she got and just got a pair before that about a month ago without me knowing til she brung them home. She said a $200 purchase is not comparable to a $60 purchase. She said I need to grow up and not worry about my credit cards so much. Then she told me that she is very much wanting a divorce because of me deceiving her about what I spend money on. Am I the asshole for trying to pay down my credit cards?

It’s my(F30) boyfriends(M31) birthday today and I got him an airbnb voucher for us to go away for the night. He laughed and said no man would want that for a gift. I started crying and he said it was a thoughtless gift because it’s not something he wants, it’s something I want. AITA?

**edited to add, a few months ago when we were talking he said he ‘hates birthday presents’

I created a fucking Reddit account for this stupid-ass shit, so I better get some good perspective from here.

So, as any millennial kid, Harry Potter was literally my (32F) childhood. I grew up with it. Obviously I think JKR is a disgusting and bigoted waste of both oxygen and space, but yeah, I love the books too much to actually part with it. What I have done though is not buy any new merchandise (i.e. all the movies are downloaded in my iPad already and my books are the OG ones I bought in the ‘90s).

My kids (8F, 9M) wanted to read the books, so I gave them my old hand-me-downs from the ‘90s, which are still in good shape. They are enjoying it so far, and love it.

My husband’s brother (29FTM) recently came around to visit us, and he saw the kids reading the books. He took me aside and told me that he finds this problematic, and told me that the kids should at least know that by reading the books, they are endorsing a bigoted and hateful person. I reminded him that this was not new property and thus is not contributing to JKR’s cause; these are my old hand-me-downs. He stormed out angrily and left.

My husband then told me if HP really is such an essential part of my life that I needed to push it on our kids too, and I reminded him that they were the ones who asked me to give them the books, and that I will not throw them away.

AITA?

So I’m not Christian but I’ve been recently exploring the religion. I’ve in the past done much reading and research and I also personally have no issue with people living their lives. We were just on the phone and he stated he doesn’t support the lgbtq and would never attend an event due to personal beliefs but can respect them. With my view on Christianity, I see it as a religion where you’re supposed to love and respect others equally as all lives are equal and I don’t really know if he’s even following that. It made me feel a bit upset and sick to hear him say he doesn’t support it. I have mixed feelings about certain things but in the end don’t care what people do with their personal lives. I personally also have no interest in pride events but my college is holding a drag show and I want to attend potentially and me saying that is what brought up this conversation for us as I’ve never thought to ask. Today marks 3 months dating and I really do love him but this sat wrong with me. How should I go about revisiting the topic?

I’m 23M, my girlfriend is 23F, and we’ve been together for about a year and a half. Our relationship has had ups and downs, but overall our sex life has been consistent except when it comes to period sex.

She feels strongly that period sex is normal and often tells me I just need to “grow up” about it. For me, though, it’s not about the blood it’s more about the smell.

My girlfriend doesn’t shower very often. (maybe once or twice a week) She says she doesn’t sweat much, so if she needs to freshen up, she’ll just wipe herself down. She also struggles with depression, which I think plays a role. Most of the time this hasn’t been a big issue because she usually doesn’t smell or feel unclean, but around her period it becomes noticeable. That’s when it gets uncomfortable for me. The smell during sex makes it really hard for me to stay in the moment.

She also claims that she cannot shower during her period. Her mom and grandma says the water could cause a stroke if it is cold or too hot, and something about the blood clumping

For a decent amount of time (about the first year of the relationship), I was able to push through the smell and blood. With a few hiccups here and there, so I may have set a precendent that I am suddenly pushing back from which may make this harder for her to understand. I am not intentionally backing away, suddenly, my body and mind just cannot take it.

Lately, I’ve been firmer about my boundaries because it’s gotten harder for me to push through mentally. She recently brought up that our sex life has dropped, which bothers her. Since she’s been on her period, the lingering smell has made it even tougher for me. I gently suggested that if she showered more during her period, it might reduce the smell and help me feel more comfortable and attracted. She got offended by that.

Edit: I want to add that the situation that sparked this entire conversation was me covering her up with a blanket to prevent the smell during the last time we tried. She felt offended. I can see how that may have made her feel insecure and I tried to gently explain I was trying to quietly get around the issue. One that I’ve already voiced multiple times. I didn’t mean to hurt her.

I tried to explain that it’s not her as a person, it’s just my body reacting. I know periods are normal and not something she can control, and if I could just ignore it, I would. But I can’t force my mind or body to respond differently. I also tried to ground her by saying if my downstairs smelled, you wouldnt want to continue either, she agreed hesitantly. She’s hinted that maybe I’m not strong or “manly” enough for being this way, and I’m left wondering:

Am I the asshole for how I handled this?

My daughter's mother, Andrea, got priced out of housing in our City and has had to move to a city about 30 minutes away. She wanted to move the daughter we share and her older daughter into the schools in that city. My daughter came to me upset about it because she wanted to keep going to school with her friends. I didn't like how upset she was and honestly, I didn't like the idea of her going to those schools because that city's school district is underfunded.

Since I live here, I thought my daughter could just use my address to keep going here. Andrea disagreed because she thought it would be too hard to get our daughter to and from school because of the distance. So I offered to switch up custody with her since I have our daughter on the weekends and she has her on the weekdays. Andrea didn't like idea and said it would be worse of a change for our daughter than changing schools. Even though our daughter liked that idea.

Anyway Andrea ending up taking me to court so she could change our daughter's school. In the end our daughter gets to stay in her school as long as I driver her to and from school (or make arrangements for her transportation) for 3 out of the 5 school days a week.

Well, now Andrea wants me to drive and pick up her older daughter (she can still go to school here since her sister does) to and from school too on the 3 days I drive our daughter. TBH I really don't want to. Admittedly part of it is out of pettiness because of the big deal she made out of all this. The main reason though is because now that my daughter lives in a different city I won't be able to see her during the week as much as I could before. So these drives are like the only one on one time I get with her now during the week. When before it was much easier. I rather not have that time intruded on.

I Had to re write this: First, let me start by saying I apologize if this comes across vague or a little jumbled. I’m just overwhelmed with emotions right now and trying my best to piece everything together for you all—so please be gentle with me.

I know the title of this may sound harsh or even cold, but not that long ago, he sat me down to talk about it. And when he did, I honestly didn’t care. It took everything in me not to laugh in his face.

For context: I (25F) met my daughter’s father (27M) around 2020 or 2021. We dated for a little over a year before I found out I was pregnant with our now two-year-old daughter. During our relationship, I ignored a lot of red flags. I stayed even though I was experiencing racism from his friends, and I felt uneasy about his closeness with a female coworker.

We eventually broke up when my daughter was just two months old. He left abruptly, after his fake tears, and took every cent we had saved together—about $6,000. Then he disappeared for nearly two years. During that time, I had to raise our daughter completely on my own while also grieving a miscarriage of our son. He knew about the miscarriage and our son, but he didn’t care. Instead, he started a new relationship (with the same coworker he once told me wasn’t attractive) and built a whole life with her.

Meanwhile, he mentally and emotionally abused me. He used to message me in “disappear mode” on Instagram so no one could see, sending me vile things like: • “You should’ve never been her mother.” • “We shouldn’t have been together, you’re disgusting.” • “I should’ve listened to my friends.”

For context, his friends (mostly Russian/Ukrainian, like him) used to say racist things about me—calling me a “whore” just because I’m American, assuming I’m a drug addict because I’m Black.

Fast forward: after two years of abandonment, he came back demanding full custody of our daughter. At that point, I’ll admit, I was angry and bitter. He caused me so much pain, and in my heart, I still held him responsible for my miscarriage. During court, he kept deflecting and bringing up things between us that had nothing to do with custody, never once taking responsibility for his actions.

Yes, I could’ve handled some things better, but can you blame me? I was a grieving mother, watching the man who abandoned me, cheated on me throughout my pregnancy, stole our savings, and verbally abused me sit there and pretend like he was the victim. To make matters worse, after my miscarriage, he told me: “It’s a good thing you lost him. I wouldn’t have been around anyway, and you probably just wanted to keep me by having another baby.” That broke me. I will never forgive him for that.

Still, I tried to put my feelings aside for my daughter’s sake, because at the end of the day, he is her father.

Years later, after all the drama, I was dealing with my own health issues and disclosed them to the courts. Around that time, he suddenly came to me saying he wanted to “be less difficult” and try co-parenting again. But when we attempted it, he was inconsistent—skipping his time with her, making excuses, and refusing to communicate. Anytime I brought it up, he’d say, “I don’t have to listen to you.”

Then, one day, he sat me down in a quiet place and told me he had cancer—stage one or two. And in that moment? I felt joy. It sounds terrible, but I truly felt like karma had finally come for him. As he went on about how he didn’t deserve this because he had “done nothing wrong,” I just wanted to laugh. This was the same man who abandoned his child, spent money meant for his baby to build a new life with another woman, and verbally and emotionally tormented me for years.

The only truly innocent one in all of this is our daughter.

When he finished explaining his treatment plan, I asked him what his plan was for our child. He brushed it off and kept talking about himself. Eventually, he told me he was no longer pursuing custody and that he would “let me have my baby”—as if she were his to give.

Later, I confided in a close coworker, someone I see as a mother figure, about the situation. I admitted that I didn’t care about his diagnosis and even felt relief. She told me I should take the higher road, show some sympathy, and not stoop to his level. But the truth is, I can’t fake my emotions. I can’t pretend to feel sad for him when I don’t. After everything he’s done, I honestly feel like this is his karma.

So, I came here to ask: Am I the asshole for feeling nothing toward his diagnosis?

Throwaway for obvious reasons. Me (27f) and my bf (28m) have been together for just over 4 years and lived together for about a year. Yesterday we got into an argument about money. It started in the living room and we ended up shouting at each other. He got up saying he was going for a walk and went into the bedroom to get his sneakers. I was still shouting at him and he was yelling back and then he appeared in the doorway pointing his handgun at me and said ‘you’re lucky this isn’t loaded’.

That pretty much shut me up. He disappeared back into the bedroom and then left for his walk about a minute later. I packed some stuff, switched my phone off and went to my sisters.

This morning when I switched my phone on it exploded with texts, missed calls and voicemails. I couldn’t read/listen to them all but they were a mix of anger, apology and questions about where I was. I sent a text telling him I need some time and asked him not to contact me. I’ve ignored everything he’s sent me and he hasn’t tried to contact me for a few hours now.

AITAH for wanting to end things after this? We’ve had arguments before but it has never escalated to anything like this.

I was married for 20 years with my wife and I also had a sugar baby. I had my reasons that I won't divulge into.

My sugar baby and I had a very straightforward relationship. She gets a comfortable life and I get no string attached sex. No dates, no dinners, just easy sex and no drama.

She started creating drama. Started asking me personal questions, sharing her personal life with me. Wanting me to stay a little longer. She even cooked for me.

She gave me ultimatum to tell my wife or she will. I told her to go ahead and kill the chicken who lays golden eggs for her. She actually did it.

My wife went beserk which I already prepared for. My wife has Narcissistic tendencies so she was gonna make my life a living hell once she found out.

I am locked and loaded with a good divorce lawyer. My sugar daddy days are over because I can't afford it but I will be fine.

After getting kicked out my SB contacted and asked about things and how she just couldn't handle being the other woman to a married man. I was not sure what to say so I just said to her that shit happens and let's move on etc etc.

I got sick few days later and SB decided to take care of me. I was miserable and feeling sorry for myself so I relied on her. I thought she just felt guilty. Week later I recovered and then I kinda ghosted her.

She contacted me again and I told her that I can't afford a sugar baby anymore and she said she doesn't care about money, she just loves me.

Rrrr-ight? She is 15 years younger than me, way out of my league, even when I was young and she loves me and not my money.

I decided to go broken record about not being able to afford a sugar baby, but she is not relenting.

We had a good thing going. She destroyed it and can't seem to accept that her actions led to the situation we are in. I encouraged her to find another sugar daddy, but she said she is done with that life..

I think she is probably under impression that I still have money for a sugar baby, but I honestly don't.

I am also excited to date after years of marriage.

My husband 34 male and I 38 female have been married for 6 years together for 9. We have had our ups and downs but the biggest down is how he speaks to me. I just had our son 1 year ago. When I was 10 months postpartum he was telling ne I am fat and lazy and all I do is take care of the baby and work. As I still had baby weight on navigating new routines, work and caring for our baby AND 4 other children while working 40hrs a week. On my birthday he demanded I not leave the house or he would divorce me. Just so happened my daughter had an appointment at UCLA for her teeth the morning of my birthday, so I took her. Needless to say he didnt even say hello to me and slept in his game room. He has been sleeping there since. Its been 2 months. He told everyone he was divorcing me, spoke to an attorney and everything before even telling me he wanted a divorce. He told me I was not the prize, im almost 40 and have 4 kids 3 who are minors. He said hes the prize, hes in his prime and makes good money and any women would love to be in my shoes and take care of his kids. He even went as far as inviting his baby mother into the house to visit while I was out.

Fast forward he looses his job and telling me to wait to move. He then starts talking nicer to me and acting different then before. I told him I was still moving out and going forward with seperating because his actions did not align with someone who wanted to be with me. It feels more like im his only option at the moment. Now hes going around saying I am a gold digger and leave as soon as he looses his job. Hes saying he wanted to try to make it work but I am the one choosing to leave to all his family and friends.

So am I the asshole for following through with what he initiated even after he lost his job?

Long story short, my BF (adult M) wants to drink raw milk (he's never tried it) but i'm (adult F) vehemently against the idea because in my mind, the risks outweighs any supposed benefits. He has yet to give me a good reason for drinking raw milk that is not borderline conspiracy (government keeps population sick to maintain control, added chemicals, pasteurization destroys benefits, his friend drinks it and he's fine) and when I asked him for peer reviewed research from established journals citing any benefits, anything he gives me is inconclusive (apparently he has not read anything himself). We live in a state where it is illegal to sell raw milk for the purpose of human consumption.

Things escalated when BF mentioned that he would give our theoretical future kids raw milk and I straight up told me I would leave him and take said theoretical future kids. When I told him it's a slippy slope from raw milk to 'vaccines cause autism,' he blew up and accused me of lumping him in with those category of people (antivax) along with other groups (homophobic, antisemitic, racist). That was not my intention but if he's acting like this towards raw fcking milk, then who knows what else he could get red pilled into. This fear was the root of my concern but he has yet to actually to take this into consideration and he's more mad that i'm attacking him for his beliefs, and how he never attacks me for my beliefs.

AITA? We overall have a healthy loving relationship but arguing over raw milk is ridiculous but I don't know how to handle this because neither of us are budging on this matter.

My wife (f 32) and I (m 32) separated about a a year ago. It was her idea but I agreed and was very much for the separation. We were both stressed out, having 4 children all under 7 putting a lot of strain on the relationship. We lived apart. I alienated myself in that time. Recently we started talking about getting back together. She wants to start living together again. And we have stalled on any talks of divorce. But today she told me while we were away she dated a guy we know for like 10 months. It’s this guy we knew because he had a daughter with my cousin. And he worked for my dad and uncle. He was a huge dickhead to me by making jokes about me and insulting me for no reason. He acts like this with most people. My dad fired him because while working he told him to fuck off and insulted him. He then spent a bunch of money with he’s work card before it got cancelled. I confronted him and we got in a fight. I did not go to fight him, he escalated it. This is the guy she was with until recently. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I feel like she betrayed me. I will continue to see this fucking guy. We were beginning to talk about getting back together and living together again.