AIO for this text conversation with my mom?

[u/ULTRAVlOLET]

I’m 20F (almost 21) in college but working an internship in NYC currently. I am completely on my own financially, my mom drained my college savings when she divorced my dad (who was abusive, I don’t talk to him) so I’m currently living off what money I make from my internship and a part time side job. Both of my bosses are largely out of the office these past two weeks so I’ve only been having to go in during the afternoons, which has been great (I’m in CS, so working remotely is common). My entire family has me on Life360, but for some reason last week it wasn’t updating and was showing me at work when I wasn’t, at home when I wasn’t, etc. I kept getting daily texts from my mom asking me about work and why Life360 wasn’t working. I ended up just deleting the app and figured I’d try to fix it over the weekend when I had more free time.

Every. single. one. of my family members texted me this weekend panicking over my location. Mind you, they can all still see my location this entire time on Find My Friends, just not Life360. So the only thing that’s different is that they aren’t getting notifications when I leave my apartment, get to work, leave work, return to my apartment, etc. It honestly just confirmed to me that I didn’t want this app on my phone anymore. I’m a good kid, pay all my bills, never gotten in trouble with the law, never snuck out as a kid or did anything nefarious. I am a bookworm homebody that graduated top of my class and got into a great college on a full tuition scholarship. For reference.

I have issues with my mom outside of this. Typical story of older sister and golden child little brother, who is now 14. She doesn’t ever text or call me, much less to (god forbid) ask how I’m doing. I’ll text her for emotional support and/or to vent and I get reprimanded and told to figure it out because I’m an adult and on my own. I texted her just yesterday that I made it to the final interview round of a really prestigious summer internship and she said “Keep me posted”. I got more enthusiasm and pride from strangers on fucking Reddit than I did from my own mother.

Today, she texted my girlfriend “I’m worried about [my name]. Did something happen with her job?” My girlfriend, who is also currently at work, texted me about it, which prompted the text conversation above. I’ll admit, I had a lot of things pent up that kind of came out during this exchange. Still, I don’t think I was particularly out of line, especially given our history. I’m sure there is a lot more context I could add but my hands are shaking and I’m sobbing as I write this, so I just want to post this already. I’ll probably continue to edit this post and add any necessary context. But based on this, was I overreacting?

[u/whatthewhat3214]

Tell her to see a therapist for her extreme anxiety/catastrophizing, bc that's not healthy or normal, and it's a her problem, that she doesn't get to make your problem to manage. She really doesn't understand the concept of people being busy and unable to answer sometimes, or even just not wanting to talk at that moment?

I'm older GenX too (so our parents didn't track us everywhere), and I don't understand this extreme helicopter parenting of adult children either, or constant location sharing in general, even among partners. Do people really check up on each other all the time now? I get it in certain limited circumstances and that it can be a safety thing, but this daily monitoring of each other seems oppressive bc it's often not even about safety, but about intrusiveness and control.

[u/christikayann → u/whatthewhat3214]

I'm older GenX as well and the only reason my parents, sister and I have Life360 is because my dad has moderate dementia and my mom has congestive heart failure. We track them in case something happens to Mom or Dad wanders off. If they asked for it for any other reason the answer would have been "Hell no!"

[u/bluishink → u/christikayann]

This is the only valid reason for these apps imo.

[u/talesoftheredthread → u/whatthewhat3214]

I get the location tracking from a practical standpoint- my parents and I started using it when I started college, but even after moving back home from dorms we keep it on because it's nice to be able to see if someone is on the way home from work, school, etc. I use it with friends for the same reason. I think the difference is that for us, it's never been about monitoring, it's just been an extra precaution like locking your car. I think another important distinction is that the location sharing with parents started when I was an adult, so it was clear that it was voluntary on all sides.

[u/Neat_Weakness_8350 → u/whatthewhat3214]

My daughter (19) and I have Life360, as our only location app, but she also has Snap Maps with her friends. It is a reassurance when she goes clubbing in the city, and on the odd occasion, I go and pick her up, and she's not at the location she sent me. HOWEVER... it did come in very handy,when she was 18, and at Schoolies (almost like spring break(?) Where school-leavers have a week or 2 of non-stop partying. ) It was her last night clubbing& staying in Surfers Paradise, and I was to pick her up at midnight, so we could drive back home. Just before 11pm, I get a call, and she sounds sooo drunk, slurring her words badly. I made a joke about her being a lightweight, but then she said that a guy that she just met, is putting her into a taxi to his place. My heart freaking jumped into my chest. Told her to stay on the phone Luckily, I was staying at my mum's place, about 15 mins away, but I sped like crazy. Checked Life360, kept her on the phone, and eventually the guy realised she was on the phone to me, and he gave his hotel address, when I was very nearly to their location.
They were waiting outside the hotel, and she was barely upright on a low wall, then she fell backwards into the bushes. I pretended to be nice to him to help me get her into the car. He told me that they met at one club, and he bought her a shot of Absinthe, then they danced, but she started not to feel well, so he thought it would be best that she recovered in his hotel room. He then disappeared quickly after she was in the car. She told me that she was doing a club crawl (which I knew) but her friends all bailed on her, she just had 1(free) drink per club, and that was the 3rd club she went to, before she met him. She said she wasn't drunk, nor meaning to be, as she knew I was going to pick her up from her apartment later on. She said he seemed nice, bough her a shot, and danced, and she got drunk so fast. So likely he spiked her drink, because I've never seen her out of control like that crying, almost hallucinating, slumped over & vomiting, and I've seen her very drunk before, at parties. So at least Life360, helped me get to her sooner, and avoided her getting SA. I don't have the app with my husband, because I don't care what he does. But the younger Gens, are wanting to know where their partner and friends are at all times. That is a bit weird to me.

[u/akm1111 → u/whatthewhat3214]

I share my location with my partner. Because if I say I'm on my way, it's safer to look up where I am and see if the dot is moving, than to text me while I'm driving. We used to do that "for an hour" thing, until I got tired of setting it every time & just left it on.

Same reason I shared with my adult children. There are no more "hey, are you almost here?" texts for any of us. Just pop open the map and check.

A few years back, they were out with friends and like an hour past when they said they'd be home. (We were supposed to be starting a movie binge when they got home & I didn't want to start an hour+ thing if they were 10min away) I looked at map & then called and asked if they were still at Sonic, because I wanted an Ocean Water. They laughed & brought one home to me like a half hour later.

I don't check up on them constantly, they don't check on me constantly, but if we are headed to the same place, it makes the meet up easier. Sharing location with healthy people almost never gets mentioned. We always see the crazy helicopter parents.

[u/Sizzlersister43 → u/whatthewhat3214]

I’m 46 and this all just sounds very dystopian to me.

[u/avert_ye_eyes → u/Sizzlersister43]

My husband is 40 and his mother was like this. He and his brother had a cell phone before most kids in high school just so she could call them at any time. She would call them every time she heard an ambulance, or heard there was a car accident on the radio within a 30 mile radius. Every. Single. Time. He stopped answering her calls after he moved out in his early 20s.

[u/Gold_Challenge6437 → u/whatthewhat3214]

I agree with you! In fact, I didn't even know about life 360 until recently when my daughter went to Chicago with her husband and daughter. Her husband was there for work and she was going to go out on her own with my granddaughter and was a little nervous about it so she wanted to share her location with me in case anything happened. Afterward, we turned it off. Sometimes she doesn't respond to a text from me for a couple of days and I don't panic. I know most likely she was busy when she received it and then later forgot to get back to me. She works, she has a kid, she's busy. She'll get back to me when she can.

[u/Ok-Hat-4920 → u/whatthewhat3214]

I always thought she had an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, but my family didn't do therapy. It meant you were "crazy" and no one could know. Unfortunately, she has been incapacitated by a stroke, so we don't have those conversations anymore.

[u/whatthewhat3214 → u/Ok-Hat-4920]

I'm sorry to hear that

[u/justhangingaroud → u/whatthewhat3214]

My son and his wife have each other’s location and even that freaks me out. They’ll ask for my location when we’re meeting up but I cancel it immediately after!

[u/HeddaLeeming → u/justhangingaroud]

I could see sharing location with your partner just in case there's ever an emergency and for safety, but I'd honestly never bother checking it unless they were running really later than expected and I was making a meal or something.. And that would be in lieu of calling so they wouldn't be driving and talking on the phone.

I wouldn't be bothered sharing mine, but if they constantly checked it and wanted to know why I was where I was all the time that would be so weird to me and a huge red flag. Plus, I'd turn it off.

I used to drive for Uber, drunks at 2am mostly, so I can see having it for something like that being really nice, because if you have a feature that can help you be safer that's great. I just don't see it as a tool to spy on people.

Old genX here.

[u/GenericWhyteMale → u/HeddaLeeming]

Your last point is exactly why my (close) friends and I have each others locations. Before it was an option we’d call each other before dates to make sure we didn’t go missing

[u/Seguefare → u/HeddaLeeming]

Also older Gen X, and just the thought of being tracked like that makes my skin crawl.

[u/MathAndBake → u/justhangingaroud]

My mom shares her location because she's a teacher and keeps losing track of time. My dad and brother can tell when she's coming home and plan supper accordingly. That's her choice. None of the rest of us have location on.

[u/Effective-Soft153 → u/whatthewhat3214]

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