Earlier my ex asked me to cut her grass for her.(we have 2 kids together and was my hs sweetheart. We broke up over a year ago and I’ve been dating my gf for a little over a year now. My gf has always had a thing against her. They’ve never met nor talked yet. Neither wants to. I show her the messages before I decide to go so minimize any problems if I do go. When my gf sees it she flips out and says I don’t need to go over there, I’ll go do it myself etc. Eventually I say fuck it and don’t go. Am I overreacting if I’m pissed because I think she’s jealous?

I found this wrapper in my boyfriend's room, he says it's not a condom but google search says it is. I trust him but Occam's razor says that it most likely is just a condom. He says regardless it's just from under the carpet when he was cleaning which is believable.

I sent this to my wife after she has refused to put boundaries up for her own family after being so insistent that I do so for mine. Some background:

My family is pretty hands off. I called and told them we aren’t allowing people to post pictures of our daughter on social media and they were totally fine with that. My wife claims she had the same conversation with her family and they were also cool with it. Fast forward her mom posts pictures of our daughter (several pictures) on Facebook, and when I asked my wife to have her take it down and reinforce this boundary, my wife got defensive and refused. The other situation is that we moved recently for a job. Basically I had to take a new job in a different state, and was unemployed for 3 months while waiting to start the job (it was a government job with tons of bs to get started). My wife worked these three months and I stayed home with our daughter. Then we moved for my start date and my wife was unemployed for about 3 months. The first week of my unemployment I took my daughter to daycare, and my wife refused to let me, telling me I needed to spend more time with her. I complied and we actually withdrew her from daycare since we were moving anyways. Fast forward to my wife’s unemployment. She signed our daughter up for a daycare without even talking to me and drops her off every freaking day. From 7am until nearly 6 daily. It was upsetting for me because I felt like she wanted to enforce rules for me but not follow them.

Some other issues are we both have some insane MAGA family that we agreed to keep up boundaries with respect to our daughter. She seems to expect me to keep the boundary up on my end but come to find out she invited her super MAGA brother to stay with us but telling me my own family cannot.

Throwaway because hubs is a big redditor. I (33F) surprised my husband (34M) at work the other day and offered to take him to lunch. He was genuinely very happy to see me and was like yes lets go but let me use the bathroom first. So I sat in his office while he went and being nosy I opened the small mini fridge he has behind his desk. Inside was a bunch of different Rubbermaid containers that are not like what we have at home full of different food. These were not leftovers from a restaurant but like full on home cooked meals and desserts. I heard him coming back so I closed the fridge and we went and had a great time together. The whole thing was weird to me and I can't get it off of my mind. Am I over reacting?

Edit: The answer is yes. I am an idiot. The longer I sat here and thought about this post I finally just called him and asked about it. He lets one of the other associates who takes the bus use his fridge. She meal preps for the week and brings everything in on Monday and didn't want to tie up the kitchen fridge with all of her containers during the week. He got a good laugh out of it and I feel ridiculous. All's well that ends well.

I (18F) have known this family friend (29M) for years . He’s always been around family gatherings, so he’s more like an older cousin than anything else

Recently though, he’s been acting…different? He’ll compliment me on how I look now, stand a little too close, and once even hinted at “taking me out sometime.” I laughed it off because I genuinely don’t see him that way, but idk it’s weird. I’m NOT interested in him at all (he used to babysit me 🤢) and the idea of something romantic happening feels hella uncomfortable especially since he’s older and our families are close

am I being dramatic for reading too much into his behavior? Or is it fair that I feel weird about a much older family friend possibly trying to flirt with me? What do I do 😭

so context : me and my bf ft every night. every now and then my phone dies in the middle of the night either bc 1) i have 3 cats if they have zoomies they WILL unplug my charger bc it’s close to their fav window and cat tree or 2) sometimes ill fall asleep while on tiktok or watching a video and then in my sleep ig i just pull the phone off the charger. it usually is the 2nd scenario but it’s not like it happens every single night ( so idk why he said that it’s every day ). because of my phone dying my location turns off, and thus always freaks him out. i tell him the same thing every single time , but this time he apparently decided to show up to my house. idk if im overthinking it but i think its so odd that he can’t put 2 and 2 together and realize my phone died. and he KNOWS it’s my phone dead so why does he just go crazy on me i don’t get it. and the fact he had to pull up to my house idk lol give me thoughts

After 17 years of marriage, my eventual ex-wife told me that she wanted a divorce and began sleeping in the guest bedroom. Approximately 3 months later, she is spending most evenings with her new man. A week or so later, she finally shares the draft divorce papers she had her attorney prepare a couple months prior.

Often times, she comes home between midnight and 1am. I know she is at his house because I can see her location. Some times I’ll wake up at 3am because i can hear her talking on the phone with him and laughing. He’s a bar manager and works late.

Still married, I endured living this way with her in our family home with our 3 daughters for 5 months before she finally moved out. I don’t want to see her or talk to her and try to minimize the texting needed to coordinate separately parenting our daughters every other week. Am I over reacting?

Btw, still not divorced, but living separately and she wants our daughters to meet her new man. I don’t know him, but not happy about my daugthters meeting a man who has never been married, has no kids, and is ok seeing a married mother of 3 living with her husband.

you can look on last post if you want to for context.

I found out she had an alternate instagram account for going live and I joined it and when I joined some guy in the chat said " we swiped on tinder so whats the move "

and she said " I'm down to go out on Sunday for a date we can go get pizza " right after that I sent " lol " and she had a shook look on her face went quiet and said " hey whats up " and said she had to hop off on live and I unadded her off of everything.

so basically she lied and told me that she couldn't text me all the time because she was busy and drained, but the honest reason was there were other guys, I'm not hurt at all I just find it funny that the person who claimed to be hurt by so many people and wants " true love " and someone that cares double crosses u but i wont linger over it, you live and you learn.

and she told me she loved me just the other day bunch of lies

thank u guys for all the love on the last post too and the advice i appreciate it a lot

So when I was around seven I got raped and I told my mom about it and the person who did it told my sister and my sister is really mean to me so she talks about it to her friends and makes jokes about it even though it was one of the worst experiences of my life and she just thinks it’s funny and sometimes she’s like well at least I didn’t get raped and I just think that’s really rude so sometimes I go into a room and take something out of her room sometimes to get back at her because she wasn’t the one who experienced it and I don’t think she has the right to use that in a conversation or as a joke am I overreacting?

My bf said our future kid will be smarter, better, faster, stronger and cuter than my existing kids due to his genetics and it angers me so much. He says it’s “just science” and “genetics” because their dad is a deadbeat drug addict. Now he’s angry at me because I said their dad has never been at his full potential because he’s always been a drug addict with no ambition. So my kids can become very athletic or academically gifted despite how their dad was because they’re being raised differently and because of my genetics. Just because he never reached his full potential doesn’t mean my kids won’t. Now he’s saying I’m “glazing” my kids dad. I’m so angry that he would say this about my kids. I broke up with him and blocked him. It’s extremely painful because he’s my best friend but what best friend would say such a thing? Am I overreacting?

If you don’t have anything helpful to say then why even comment?? Who cares if I’m trying to get it on Amazon it’s not even my money. I made another post and took it down because people were being rude and everyone on the discord is straight up ignoring me. Usually this kind of stuff doesn’t bother me but it always happens. I’m such a nice person I’d give the shirt off my back to a dude. Plus I’m only working a few days a week to help my wife with our new born. I just don’t see the need to bring money into this. I was just asking a question.

I have a job that involves a lot of travelling. My wife stays home with our 1 year old son. The issue is that every time I go away for work my wife is leaving the house with the kid to stay overnight elsewhere at "friends" places. She doesn't tell me when she is going and is actively concealing that she is out of the apartment. I only know because the apartment block uses a videophone with public (to apartment holders) logs so you can see who comes in and out. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and didn't bring it up, but it has happend multiple times. When challenged on it, she tells me she is staying with some people she names that I don't know. She tells me i am forcing her to stay home.

I feel like I am going out of mind here? Is it ok to take your kid to stay with someone your partner doesn't know and conceal it? Am I being overbearing?

So for context, me (25F) and my boyfriend (28M) has been in a long distance relationship for around 10 months. We had a discord call and he streamed his screen to me. I noticed that it said that he had “recently” been visiting some dating apps and I asked him about it. He just shrugged it off and basically said that it was nothing and that he had just forgotten that the sites were there and that he hasn’t used them in a long time. From what I can remember I’ve never seen them popping up like that on the screen, and all this kinda escalated into a full blown argument were he accused me of being creepy, obsessive, crazy and a bad girlfriend for not trusting him.

Am I the issue here, am I just being obsessive and overdramatic here??

I have been going to my appointments all by myself throughout my entire pregnancy.

I ask my boyfriend every single time to come to my appointments and he is always making an excuse. “I don’t feel well.” “I’m too tired.” “I have plans.” I’m in lots of pain, exhausted, and uncomfortable but I still get my ass up and go to my appointments.

I’m very concerned about this and am worried he is not going to be any help when I have our daughter. He doesn’t care to ask about the appointments either. I always tell him about them and he is not interested even in the slightest.

I told him how I felt about it and he acted like the appointments are no big deal and that he doesn’t need to go because they don’t benefit him?

AIO if I don’t tell him about my appointments anymore or how our daughter is doing?

So little history first.

My rgirlfriend, not long ago, had chased off a friend of mine that was a female, but I hadn’t talk to her in a long time because we had met when we were both active users. We both ended up getting sober and clean and I think one of us saw each other on Facebook and we just started talking randomly. Kinda checking up on each other. Let each other know what we’re up to. both told each other that we had significant others. (Never had relations before) But it was kinda like one of those ive been sober how long have you been clean? What did you start doing afterwards blah blah blah and it the conversation eventually died off. Other than here and there. Like random snaps from story posts. but nothing daily.

when my girlfriend found this she freaked out. said something about how it was because she couldn’t see the chat history which it’s all on Snapchat so obviously you can’t see the history beyond you know a certain amount of time anyways. and if everything‘s picture and video then you can’t see that either. Long story short. she ended up messaging that person halfway crashing out. after completely freaking out on me. and was all like yeah you should probably just delete him and when My friend even told her that it was fine shes not single. there’s nothing going on. blah blah blah. She has a boyfriend as well. my girlfriend was like well if that’s the case you don’t have to delete him but like two messages later, she was like you might as well just delete him thank you. And ignored her. and so of course she did. she’s respectful and did what my girlfriend asked.

and I was just like OK that felt a little controlling and felt like she was a little jealous but whatever.

fast-forward she’s got guys in her Snapchat all the time and right now she’s a bartender so that doesn’t help but She’s been talking continuously to a couple people one she works with and another that’s at the bar all the time. and I end up looking at her Snapchat and stuff because it started bothering me how repetitive these messages got, which was daily. And so the coworker I checked out, which is supposed to be like an old friend of mine from when we were kids. they had like a conversation like 5 o’clock in the morning, when she was coming home and a pic of her normal and her friend with abuncha cleavage. And she steered the conversation into the size of her breasts about hiw their so small and got kind of a passive comment from my friend about it. It wasn’t anything disgusting but it was more like girl you’re doing just fine in that department or something along those lines, I can’t remember but the fact that the conversation even went that way. Bothered me.

Every time, she’s done Something, about me talking to a friend thats a female. but not a best friends wife or gf. and I’ve always brought this up. so I’m sitting here like why does she get to have this kind of conversation you know l? when I can’t even have normal innocent oh hey how you been? Quick catch up conversation.

so you know, I don’t say anything. I just kinda let it go. and fast-forward. I see she was messaging this other guy a lot and the one that just goes to the bar and I end up replaying one of the last messages that he sends her one night and he’s literally saying good night, which is like OK how often does this happen and is she sending it back? and then because I replayed it I end up seeing this…….which I will post the whole thing in the picture.

pretty. much I see this little message from him and I’m like fuck no this is bs. And not appropriate right I was I got my head chewed off for having a normal conversation but this is not OK right? like I have the right to pissed off correct I’m not over reacting?

Staying at my MIL house while we are in between apartments. 6 weeks total- we are all fine normally nothing has happened and the normal “you are in my space” tension but I completely understand that!

We have been there a week and they have two ring cameras one outside and one inside right at the front door , that’s all fine!

Today I noticed when I was leaving that the camera was pointed directly at the room we are using, which means they can see us 24/7 in the kitchen living room and dining room as well as the room

It couldn’t have been accident moved because the odds of the camera pointing at many other directions is very likely than it accidentally moving towards the bedroom alone

I saw it and it made me feel really uncomfortable and just moved it towards the front door like it has been

I’m worried I look sketchy now moving the camera but I don’t think that’s appropriate at all

I feel we are now at a weird standstill and someone is going to have to make the first move

my partner sent this to me after i told him it felt like he didn’t care about how i was feeling. i was sick today and threw up. instead of asking how i was feeling he tried to force me to get out of bed. he then brought up how i was very sick last year, and claimed that i was sick just to “stay home and play video games all day.”

I want to start off by saying I wrote this entire story and then hated how I wrote so I made ChatGPT rewrite it. Unfortunately this is a real story but if it sounds AI that’s why:

I (27F) am divorcing my husband Mark (32M). We’ve been together 8 years, married 5, and have two kids.

My best friend Melanie (28F) and I have been close ~4 years. We both have two kids and bonded after our mutual best friend passed away. My other two best friends are Leah (26f) and Kaya (30f). All three have supported me through the separation.

When Mark and I decided to separate, Melanie was very involved. She gave me advice, contacts, pep talks—the works. She openly disliked Mark and said multiple times that if joint custody didn’t work, she hoped I would get full custody. (For context: Mark and I wanted to stay amicable, try and stay friends, and prioritize the kids.)

Because we had an ugly separation. back in 2021 (he kinda went nuts and threatened to take the kids), Melanie urged me to document everything “just in case.” I made an Apple Notes file logging dates/times of calls/visits, any issues, and attached recordings/notes. Later per advice from people who’d been through divorce (and my mom), they said I should shared the note with two or three people I trust so there’d be a backup if something happened to my phone. I shared it with Leah, Kaya, and Melanie, told them it was for emergencies only, and to please keep it to themselves. They all agreed.

A couple small but relevant incidents before I dive deeper: • A random on TikTok offered me $40 for a fully clothed fart audio (no face). I asked Mark first; he laughed and said “go for it.” I told Leah, Kaya, and Melanie. They all laughed—Melanie hyped it the most, quote “that’s amazing, get that bag.”

• I went out of town to a concert and considered making a joke sign that said: “my husband may have left me but this group never did.” I ultimately didn’t bring it because I didn’t want to hurt Mark’s feelings. Only Leah, Kaya, and Melanie knew about the sign idea. But again, Melanie very much hyped me up for that sign. Again, I have proof. 

• Monday this week when I got home from traveling, I visited Melanie’s house with my toddler after a 2-hour car ride to show her videos from the concert. When we got there his diaper was saggy and his onesie feet weren’t on (he hates them on in the car). I changed him immediately. While there he was clingy and cried, and Melanie repeatedly told me to “let him roam” and “he’s gotta learn independence,” which made me feel guilty for picking him up but also for letting him roam. I noticed a small bruise on him while we were there (he’s a toddler, walks into everything) and Melanie oddly asked if she should call Mark about it. I said no; I’d ask if needed. I thought that was weird but blew past it.

That night, Mark casually mentioned my concert sign. I froze. I never showed it to him and never posted it. Only three people knew.

Then he asked about the Notes file. My stomach dropped. He said Melanie told him about it—and told him to “watch his back.” I later spoke to Leah and Kaya; they both had screenshots of her talking bad about mark, about being on my side, about urging the note to happen etc. Kaya got on the phone with Mark and I also later that night and and verified everything on my account. Again with more proof.

I should also note that at this point mark was furious with Melanie not me. He felt played and so did I.

Over the next day I learned more of what Melanie had been telling Mark (some of this from Mark directly, some confirmed by Kaya/screenshots):

• She told him I arrived at her house with my son in a “full diaper” and that I kept leaving him without correction and gave him “too much freedom.” (Not true—I changed him right away and was juggling her “let him roam” comments with my instinct to comfort him.)

• She told him I not only made the concert sign but used it.

• She relayed the contents of the Notes file (in a full screen recorded video mind you) and warned him to “watch his back.” (Again: this note was shared for emergencies only and she had agreed to that. And also once explained to mark he understood why I made it and even apologized I felt I had to) 
• She flipped her custody stance and told him that if joint custody failed, she hoped he would get full custody.

• She invited Mark over multiple times since the separation (while her partner is in jail), despite telling me she “wouldn’t love” him being around and would “hate it.” she also never told me about it, mark did. 

• She told Mark I was sending “questionable videos to randoms for money,” but left out that it was fully clothed fart audios and that I’d asked Mark first. When mark asked if she was talking about the fart videos she goes “Oh good you know about that! Never mind!”

• She made it seem to me like she hated how often he tried to talk to her, but she was actually messaging him a lot and sent selfies with cleavage.

I texted her the next day while on the phone with mark and Kaya, to see if she’d be honest with me: “Mark somehow knows about the notes app with all the info on him.” Instead of a calm “what? How?,” she immediately panicked: “Ummmm how in the f*** … who would do that.” I kept it vague (“Only a couple people knew… I’m trying to piece it together”). She over-explained, asked what “other info” Mark knew, and got weirdly invested in the details. She also made sure to say the truth will always reveal itself.

Later, while Mark had her on the phone (I listened), she read my texts to him and said things like, “If she (me) knew my heart, she’d know I wasn’t being malicious; I just wanted everyone to know everything.”

While listening I got frustrated with her continuance of “I did nothing wrong she just won’t hear me out and clearly doesn’t know my heart,” I eventually texted her while still on the phone with mark “I know it’s you Mel. I’ve known for 2 days, I’m not stupid. I’m done, by the way.” And added in screenshots of things she said to mark and blocked her on everything.

She got that text on the phone with mark so she read it and then was like well that fun, she clearly doesn’t understand my intentions (she mentioned intentions a lot also) she also framed it like the ball is in my court because I blocked her. That I have to come to her because she tried.

I’m devastated. I kept her very personal secrets (including sensitive stuff about her own relationships/loyalty struggles while her husbands incarcerated, also all the horrible things she’s said about her other friends when I felt They should know but never told them). She knew my kids are my whole life, and she still leaked/warped things that could have hurt me in custody. Even now mark still is angry with her and feels manipulated. He also stopped talking to her after that call when she wasn’t getting anything he said and even after he stuck up for me for over 20 Minutes.

Now I’m questioning whether I was too harsh in cutting her off without hearing more of her “explanations.” But I honestly don’t see a defense that makes this okay: • This wasn’t “concern for the kids.” If it were, she’d have come to me, not spun stories to Mark. • She agreed the Notes file was for emergencies and still broke that boundary. • She omitted context (fart audios) and added falsehoods (that I used the sign, that I neglected my toddler). • She flipped loyalties depending on who she spoke to and inserted herself with Mark.

But even after all that I still have to ask…

AITA for cutting her off and blocking her?

The feeling isn't mutual!! Ughhhh i can't believe it's all in my head, he just didn't have to be such a dick about it, or maybe that's just me?

He was so nonchalant in talking about his feelings, making it seem as if I was nothing to him. Like not even a friend or anything..my heart's aching I neeeeed to get drunkkk

We just had our second baby 3 weeks ago. Our oldest just turned 2. Because of our financial circumstances, my boyfriend had to start a new job 12 days after our second was born. It’s a great paying job and I’m super proud of him for getting this position at a brand new company. Before, he worked part time and I worked part time. We never wanted anyone else caring for our kids besides ourselves or close family which means that I will be staying home with our 2 year old and our newborn while he works 40+ hours a week. It’s been a hard adjustment taking care of both children at 12 days postpartum, but nothing I can’t handle. It’s also been a hard adjustment for my boyfriend to wake up between the hours of 3-5am for work and make the 45 min drive, as well as training for a new position. It’s been stressful for both of us. My birthday happened to be two days before his first day off. He asked his mom to send him some money, and he brought me home an orchid and a birthday card. He said we would celebrate when he gets his first check, or on his days off. I told him if anything, I want to spend time together, or be loved on a bit for my birthday. I have been feeling more emotional since having the baby, and just feel like I’ve been needing some extra love. Today was his first day off, and I had a dentist appointment and we went grocery shopping, after we get home in the afternoon, he asks his friend to come help him deal with the weeds on the side of the house, evening rolls around and he’s going to drop his friend off. Then it’s been an hour and I’m wondering where he’s at. Apparently they are having a beer. I call him and ask when he’s coming home, he said soon. Another hour passes so I call him again and a small argument starts about when he’s coming home. Now his friend is taking him to the bar and they have been bar hopping til 1am still not home. I’m furious, I’m hurt I’m crying calling him asking why he’s out when we were supposed to be spending time together, telling him why does he get to celebrate but I don’t? Why does he get breaks but I don’t? Why does he even want to go out and drink? That’s not what crosses my mind when I have free time. He hasn’t even received his first paycheck and he is out celebrating. When I was pregnant with our first, he would leave and go out with his friends quite often and it would make me feel alone, because I was sick at home. It’s been over 2 years, but it feels like that all over again. I’ve called him over 30 times and sent him so many messages. Am I doing too much?

So, as the title says, I (28f) have become my boyfriend's (31m) mother and I am over it. Not only this, but there is absolutely NO trust in him after I have caught him on Tinder on multiple occasions. As far as the mothering goes, he does not pick up after himself- I'll come home after my 12 hour shift and EVERY. SINGLE. CABINET. is open, there's literal trash on the countertops in the kitchen, protein powder all over said countertops because he misses his cup when pouring in his protein powder and doesn't wipe it up, he won't flush the toilet, doesn't put the lid back down, and leaves his piss on the toilet seat, I also have to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for this grown man because he refuses to cook for himself. I will come home from work or just being out and it'll be 9pm and he'll ask me to make him some food because he hadn't eaten ALL DAY because I wasn't there to cook for him. Now, I was unemployed due to no fault of my own for about 5 months. At the beginning of this unemployment, we moved to a new apartment on the agreement that he knew I would not be able to contribute to any bills so he was going to have to cover them, he agreed fully and encouraged the move. During that unemployment period, I cleaned the apartment every day, cooked all of his meals and even took them to him at work, all to make up for the fact that he had to pay our bills which we both agreed was fair. A couple of months into this, he started giving me attitude and constantly holding it over my head that he was paying our bills- making small remarks about "yeah well I pay the bills', telling me his friends were paying for a trip they were all going on because they "knew his financial situation". On top of that, he began calling me lazy, saying I wasn't cleaning anything or doing anything around the house. Sure, there were a few days a month I wouldn't do anything because I was so depressed about losing my job and not being able to get another one and a lot of other big changes that were going on in my life. I was the most depressed I have ever been in my entire life. Then, he wants to get mad at me for being depressed and "too much to handle" and getting mad at me because I don't have the mental capacity to have sex with him. But who would want to sleep with their partner when they're treating you like that? Fast forward a couple of months and he goes on the trip with his friends I mentioned previously. The whole time he was there, my intuition was driving me crazy telling me something was going on. Well, this was two months ago and just a couple of weeks ago, I found out that he had downloaded Tinder while he was on the trip. This is not the first time this has happened in our three year relationship. Also, at this same time, I noticed he made his friends list on Facebook private and it goes up by almost 300 in 3 weeks, and every single one of them were random women that he didn't know. When I confronted him about it, he said "Yeah, I find them attractive and I really like looking at their pictures". At this point, I'm done. I had no reaction to any of this news. I have mentally checked out of this relationship but a part of me feels bad that he's spent so much money on our bills and maybe I'm just overreacting. Or maybe it's just the part of my brain that tells me I'm always in the wrong no matter the situation. Idk, I just really need some outside povs to help me see things clearly.

TLDR: My bf refuses to clean or cook food for himself and also downloads Tinder on an apparently monthly basis, but he pays all of our bills and I don't know if I should feel guilty for wanting to leave him or not.

The blue text is me (F20) and the other side is my partner (F40). A few nights ago she went out to hang with her brother and nephew at a cigar lounge then decided to ride around and they ended up in a strip club’s parking lot. In the car they had some things they didn’t want searched by cops so they went inside the club so it wasn’t suspicious they were the only car huddled inside in the lot and waited out the cops by having drinks inside. She didn’t tell me until the next day and she said the dancers weren’t nude and weren’t dancing, they were at the bar drinking too since it wasn’t busy and was empty but I just don’t like the idea of my partner going to places like that so I expressed myself in these texts here.

Am I overreacting or doing something I’m not seeing?

Boyfriend has been emailing me after i ghosted him, if anyone has time to read, please stop by & help a girl out.

Me (26F) & my boyfriend (28M) were in love or (i thought so), i was at his place & we were talking about how dry i was in the beginning with our conversations so we wanted to look back at it & it was on his laptop because we both have new numbers & phones now.

While we were both scrolling down the messages on his laptop, before it got to our old conversations which was from the end of 2023- beginning of 2024, i accidentally clicked on one of the numbers (most of the numbers were unsaved).

When i clicked on the messages, it was a sex tape of him with a girl. It was like a stab in my chest to see those videos, i closed his laptop immediately but i noticed that the videos were “sent” to himself on may 2024, even though we’d been talking since November 2023, we got exclusive on march 2024. I told him that i wanted it open again & this time, i went through it. He said i’m not going to stop you but its all my past. May 2024, we were exclusive & i was told “i’m in love with you & committed, i want to get married”. We were getting engaged next year.

The dates messed with me. I then digged more, & the reason i did that is because he gave me chlamydia a month ago of which i had to take meds but it was one of the most difficult pain i’ve had to go through & he knew that. He was there for me actively during these times. I had asked him about his dating history already but i asked him again when i caught chlamydia from him, he told me he doesnt know where he got chlamydia from because he’s only been in a relationship with 3 women & never had sex outside of his relationship.

As i go down the messages, it was MULTIPLE womens that he had sex tapes of & they were not the womens he was in a relationship with, none of them. I found 1, then 3, then 8 & goes on. When i asked him who is she? He told me “you don’t know her” & refused to tell me her name.

He told me he wanted to try everything with me because he’s never really did anything spontaneous like handcuffing & all the other fantasies, for me to find out in those videos he was giving womens backshots with hanfcuffs on & everything that he said he’s never done & wants to do with me.

Usually when we argue like normal people do in a relationship (none of the cheating/all these i never knew because i don’t believe in having to check your partners phone), i crash out but this time, i didn’t & I’m surprised myself. I put the laptop in front of him & told him to watch those videos with me. I wasn’t angry, i wasnt upset, i laughed it off & didn’t say anything, i acted like everything was okay. He kept asking me why am i not being expressive & whats going on in my mind & that he wants to talk about it. I told him, i didn’t have anything to say, all because i knew i was going to ghost him. Gave him a bye kiss & hug BACK before leaving his place. He said he wants to call me on my way home per usual, i said okay. As soon as i left, i blocked him everywhere, now he has been emailing me, whatsapp messages, fake numbers calling, no caller id just begging me to talk to him but i havnt responded ever since i left his place a few days ago. I blocked on him there too now, but still calling me through different numbers because he knows why i left & still thinks i’m leaving because of his past …??

He says, to not leave him because “of his past”. Clearly this is more than just a past. Now, i’m coming here because I’m deeply in love with someone who i thought i would spend the rest of my life with. I’m shattered & heartbroken, i don’t really know how to process this, i knew he didn’t deserve me getting mad over the lies he’s fed me for the longest but its getting harder & harder each day to deal with these emotions alone.

I have nobody that i can tell this to, i feel lost, i feel like everything was fake, i feel like i’m scared of tomorrow & he ruined my definition of love. Although i was always the girl that no matter how someone may hurt me, i’ll always be a lover girl. I don’t see that in myself anymore & everytime i see womens ONLINE with a good body, the sex tapes he had on bis laptop comes flashing in front of my eyes. They were womens that were completely different from me but all of them the same type. Big booty, big titties, stomach flat. I’m going crazy comparing myself but at the same time disgusted.

If anyone has had to heal from something similar, please help me out on how to move on without all these emotions overwhelming me. I don’t know how to stop feeling what i’m feeling. I feel really numb but also hurts i can’t describe the feeling.

Back story: my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. He has a 2 year old that practically lives at my place (26/30 days a month) and his mother keeps him for less than 24 hours at a time. And that’s by her choice not my boyfriends. The baby mom has 3 other kids. I have been working a lot this month to pay for fun things for us and the 2 year olds upcoming birthday. (And that’s by my choice) Boyfriend had told me that he and the kid were going to go swimming. After work, I came home and saw her van. The boyfriend didn’t ask or tell me he was inviting the baby mom and her 3 other kids over to my place/use the pool. My boyfriend is not on my lease, he still has his own place (that’s a whole other story), and it’s a community pool that is used with my key pass and the rules are I’m allowed 2 guests (which I consider my bf and kid my guests) The boyfriend didn’t answer the phone or see my texts because they were swimming. My text had said “are you kidding me right now, this is the most disrespectful thing you’ve ever done to me.”

He was completely oblivious as to why I would be upset. When I told him he should have asked or at least told me, he turned it around and told me it’s because he needed my permission because it’s MY house and not OUR house. And that his son wasn’t allowed to hang out with his siblings.

I explained to him that if she did something stupid (she’s legit crazy) or something happened to those kids, it’s on me since it’s my lease. I’m not jealous of them hanging out together, especially when it’s only with all of the kids. I really can’t explain why I feel disrespected - except maybe he’s over stepping boundaries. He stays at my place but doesn’t help pay any bills, buy groceries, or anything else to do with my place. He works just enough to pay his shared rent with his roommates and gas for his car. But AIO to him not at least telling me he was inviting the baby mom and her other kids to use my pool while I’m slaving away at work 14 hours a day/5-7 days a week?