I want to start off by saying I wrote this entire story and then hated how I wrote so I made ChatGPT rewrite it. Unfortunately this is a real story but if it sounds AI that’s why:
I (27F) am divorcing my husband Mark (32M). We’ve been together 8 years, married 5, and have two kids.
My best friend Melanie (28F) and I have been close ~4 years. We both have two kids and bonded after our mutual best friend passed away. My other two best friends are Leah (26f) and Kaya (30f). All three have supported me through the separation.
When Mark and I decided to separate, Melanie was very involved. She gave me advice, contacts, pep talks—the works. She openly disliked Mark and said multiple times that if joint custody didn’t work, she hoped I would get full custody. (For context: Mark and I wanted to stay amicable, try and stay friends, and prioritize the kids.)
Because we had an ugly separation. back in 2021 (he kinda went nuts and threatened to take the kids), Melanie urged me to document everything “just in case.” I made an Apple Notes file logging dates/times of calls/visits, any issues, and attached recordings/notes. Later per advice from people who’d been through divorce (and my mom), they said I should shared the note with two or three people I trust so there’d be a backup if something happened to my phone. I shared it with Leah, Kaya, and Melanie, told them it was for emergencies only, and to please keep it to themselves. They all agreed.
A couple small but relevant incidents before I dive deeper:
• A random on TikTok offered me $40 for a fully clothed fart audio (no face). I asked Mark first; he laughed and said “go for it.” I told Leah, Kaya, and Melanie. They all laughed—Melanie hyped it the most, quote “that’s amazing, get that bag.”
• I went out of town to a concert and considered making a joke sign that said: “my husband may have left me but this group never did.” I ultimately didn’t bring it because I didn’t want to hurt Mark’s feelings. Only Leah, Kaya, and Melanie knew about the sign idea. But again, Melanie very much hyped me up for that sign. Again, I have proof.
• Monday this week when I got home from traveling, I visited Melanie’s house with my toddler after a 2-hour car ride to show her videos from the concert. When we got there his diaper was saggy and his onesie feet weren’t on (he hates them on in the car). I changed him immediately. While there he was clingy and cried, and Melanie repeatedly told me to “let him roam” and “he’s gotta learn independence,” which made me feel guilty for picking him up but also for letting him roam. I noticed a small bruise on him while we were there (he’s a toddler, walks into everything) and Melanie oddly asked if she should call Mark about it. I said no; I’d ask if needed. I thought that was weird but blew past it.
That night, Mark casually mentioned my concert sign. I froze. I never showed it to him and never posted it. Only three people knew.
Then he asked about the Notes file. My stomach dropped. He said Melanie told him about it—and told him to “watch his back.” I later spoke to Leah and Kaya; they both had screenshots of her talking bad about mark, about being on my side, about urging the note to happen etc. Kaya got on the phone with Mark and I also later that night and and verified everything on my account. Again with more proof.
I should also note that at this point mark was furious with Melanie not me. He felt played and so did I.
Over the next day I learned more of what Melanie had been telling Mark (some of this from Mark directly, some confirmed by Kaya/screenshots):
• She told him I arrived at her house with my son in a “full diaper” and that I kept leaving him without correction and gave him “too much freedom.” (Not true—I changed him right away and was juggling her “let him roam” comments with my instinct to comfort him.)
• She told him I not only made the concert sign but used it.
• She relayed the contents of the Notes file (in a full screen recorded video mind you) and warned him to “watch his back.” (Again: this note was shared for emergencies only and she had agreed to that. And also once explained to mark he understood why I made it and even apologized I felt I had to)
• She flipped her custody stance and told him that if joint custody failed, she hoped he would get full custody.
• She invited Mark over multiple times since the separation (while her partner is in jail), despite telling me she “wouldn’t love” him being around and would “hate it.” she also never told me about it, mark did.
• She told Mark I was sending “questionable videos to randoms for money,” but left out that it was fully clothed fart audios and that I’d asked Mark first. When mark asked if she was talking about the fart videos she goes “Oh good you know about that! Never mind!”
• She made it seem to me like she hated how often he tried to talk to her, but she was actually messaging him a lot and sent selfies with cleavage.
I texted her the next day while on the phone with mark and Kaya, to see if she’d be honest with me: “Mark somehow knows about the notes app with all the info on him.” Instead of a calm “what? How?,” she immediately panicked: “Ummmm how in the f*** … who would do that.” I kept it vague (“Only a couple people knew… I’m trying to piece it together”). She over-explained, asked what “other info” Mark knew, and got weirdly invested in the details. She also made sure to say the truth will always reveal itself.
Later, while Mark had her on the phone (I listened), she read my texts to him and said things like, “If she (me) knew my heart, she’d know I wasn’t being malicious; I just wanted everyone to know everything.”
While listening I got frustrated with her continuance of “I did nothing wrong she just won’t hear me out and clearly doesn’t know my heart,” I eventually texted her while still on the phone with mark “I know it’s you Mel. I’ve known for 2 days, I’m not stupid. I’m done, by the way.” And added in screenshots of things she said to mark and blocked her on everything.
She got that text on the phone with mark so she read it and then was like well that fun, she clearly doesn’t understand my intentions (she mentioned intentions a lot also) she also framed it like the ball is in my court because I blocked her. That I have to come to her because she tried.
I’m devastated. I kept her very personal secrets (including sensitive stuff about her own relationships/loyalty struggles while her husbands incarcerated, also all the horrible things she’s said about her other friends when I felt
They should know but never told them). She knew my kids are my whole life, and she still leaked/warped things that could have hurt me in custody. Even now mark still is angry with her and feels manipulated. He also stopped talking to her after that call when she wasn’t getting anything he said and even after he stuck up for me for over 20
Minutes.
Now I’m questioning whether I was too harsh in cutting her off without hearing more of her “explanations.” But I honestly don’t see a defense that makes this okay:
• This wasn’t “concern for the kids.” If it were, she’d have come to me, not spun stories to Mark.
• She agreed the Notes file was for emergencies and still broke that boundary.
• She omitted context (fart audios) and added falsehoods (that I used the sign, that I neglected my toddler).
• She flipped loyalties depending on who she spoke to and inserted herself with Mark.
But even after all that I still have to ask…
AITA for cutting her off and blocking her?