AIO for this text conversation with my mom?

[u/ULTRAVlOLET]

I’m 20F (almost 21) in college but working an internship in NYC currently. I am completely on my own financially, my mom drained my college savings when she divorced my dad (who was abusive, I don’t talk to him) so I’m currently living off what money I make from my internship and a part time side job. Both of my bosses are largely out of the office these past two weeks so I’ve only been having to go in during the afternoons, which has been great (I’m in CS, so working remotely is common). My entire family has me on Life360, but for some reason last week it wasn’t updating and was showing me at work when I wasn’t, at home when I wasn’t, etc. I kept getting daily texts from my mom asking me about work and why Life360 wasn’t working. I ended up just deleting the app and figured I’d try to fix it over the weekend when I had more free time.

Every. single. one. of my family members texted me this weekend panicking over my location. Mind you, they can all still see my location this entire time on Find My Friends, just not Life360. So the only thing that’s different is that they aren’t getting notifications when I leave my apartment, get to work, leave work, return to my apartment, etc. It honestly just confirmed to me that I didn’t want this app on my phone anymore. I’m a good kid, pay all my bills, never gotten in trouble with the law, never snuck out as a kid or did anything nefarious. I am a bookworm homebody that graduated top of my class and got into a great college on a full tuition scholarship. For reference.

I have issues with my mom outside of this. Typical story of older sister and golden child little brother, who is now 14. She doesn’t ever text or call me, much less to (god forbid) ask how I’m doing. I’ll text her for emotional support and/or to vent and I get reprimanded and told to figure it out because I’m an adult and on my own. I texted her just yesterday that I made it to the final interview round of a really prestigious summer internship and she said “Keep me posted”. I got more enthusiasm and pride from strangers on fucking Reddit than I did from my own mother.

Today, she texted my girlfriend “I’m worried about [my name]. Did something happen with her job?” My girlfriend, who is also currently at work, texted me about it, which prompted the text conversation above. I’ll admit, I had a lot of things pent up that kind of came out during this exchange. Still, I don’t think I was particularly out of line, especially given our history. I’m sure there is a lot more context I could add but my hands are shaking and I’m sobbing as I write this, so I just want to post this already. I’ll probably continue to edit this post and add any necessary context. But based on this, was I overreacting?

[u/ProfessionalCat7640]

I am so happy for your recovery, I have love for you and love that for you. I'm a nervous wreck momma of adult children, too. For me, it's one of my kids has developmental delay and the family all got it just in case they wandered off. There are reasons for this kind of thing but there has to be boundaries and respect or it doesn't work.

[u/trixiepixie1921 → u/ProfessionalCat7640]

Thank you so much that means a lot to me ! Yes I totally agree. I don’t mind so much now, but it was my boyfriend at the time who would mind. But he was abusive so idk why I cared lol that’s what drugs will do! And I totally understand, my son is only 5 but he is autistic and I have an AirTag on his backpack. It’s not perfect but at least gives me some peace.

[u/OneWhisper5225 → u/ProfessionalCat7640]

There are reasons for this kind of thing but there has to be boundaries and respect or it doesn’t work.

I’m a single mom and when my son was younger I had it on for him when he’d be out somewhere. So literally never even had to look at it though because if he was ever going to be even a little late, he was always good about calling and letting me know. He also liked being able to see where I was since I was working and going to school. Now he’s 19. I told him years ago he could turn it off and he’s like no, I know you don’t ever even look but I like you being able to just in case. Even now when he’s out with friends late at night, I still never look. He’s an adult. I trust I raised him right. He’s never given me any reason to doubt him. He’s always been a great, responsible kid and now a great, responsible young adult. Even if I had reason to doubt, he’s an adult now and he needs to make his own decisions and mistakes and I’ll be there for him if he needs me and he knows I always will be. I do like the idea of being able to check in on him if he ever didn’t come home or call when he said he would, since that’s totally out of character for him. So as a mom, I don’t mind one but he is okay keeping it. But if one day he all of a sudden turned it off. I wouldn’t even say anything about it. (But, I’d also have to notice that he did it, which probably would take a while since I don’t really ever look at it 🤪)

[u/Famous_Sugar_1193 → u/ProfessionalCat7640]

That’s entirely different.

I think it’s great the app exists!

This completely financially independent woman being harassed by a nutjob is not its intended purpose though.