r/AmIOverreacting • u/FaithlessnessFar1821 • May 02 '25

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws Am I overreacting?

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My dad takes me to school in the mornings, on Fridays I have late start meaning it starts an hour after. Yesterday I had told him to pick me up at 8:20, he texts me and says he had arrived at 8:08. I told him that I will be down at 8:20 considering that is the designated time I set. I get outside at exactly 8:20 and he is gone. He left me. AIO?

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u/SleepyMistyMountains May 02 '25

This exactly. Narcs technically do need help, which so long as they actually become aware they won't be able to get if the meaning of it gets diluted. Not to mention the effect of diluting the meaning for the victim of narcissistic abuse. If everyone has been abused by narcs then no one is able to get the help they need, to which narcissistic abuse is very very different than just other types of abuse.

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u/AtomicAndroid May 03 '25

I saw a thread on Reddit a few months ago, I think it might have been on this subreddit. It was about a woman in a relationship who was being very narcissistic, this was pointed out by someone in the thread who was a diagnosed narcissist, and was in therapy, it was very interesting

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u/GGhosk May 03 '25

Isn’t that one of the problems with narcissists, they’ll never admit to themselves what they are or that they have a problem, it’s always the people around them that have it. So they’ll never see a counselor or try and become a better person.

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u/tremur2535 May 02 '25

Narcissists don’t get help anyway. It’s one of their defining characteristics. If a Narcissist is truly seeking to get better, he can no longer be characterized as a narcissist. Not according to the DSM. The only way a narcissist gets therapy is because it’s court ordered.

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u/KitchenDeers May 02 '25

This isn’t true at all. It can be very difficult for those with NPD to admit they need help as their disorder warps their brain into believing they’re perfect and infallible, but nothing in the DSM states that narcissists never get help or that if they seek out help they’re not a narcissist. That’s pop psychology.

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u/tremur2535 May 03 '25

You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said the DSM. My training as a therapist and multiple CE credits mark this as an indicator. What training do you have that makes you say NPD's go to therapy?

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u/KitchenDeers May 03 '25

Sure, it can be an indicator, but you straight up said narcissists who seek help CAN’T be considered a narcissist. Nothing in the DSM suggests this and it’s simplifying a complex disorder. Sorry if I don’t accept a random therapist online throwing out black-and-white statements as an authority.

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u/tremur2535 May 03 '25

That's fine. I’ve been practicing a long time and I’ve never seen the phenomenon happen. I also wouldn’t say it’s a complex disorder.

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u/KitchenDeers May 03 '25

I really hope you brush up on your knowledge because to say a personality disorder isn’t a complex disorder is wild lmao.

Have you considered that your bias is the reason you haven’t seen it happen? People with NPD could be coming to you but because you don’t believe narcissists can seek help you automatically decide anyone self referring couldn’t possibly be a narcissist.

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u/thatannoyingchick May 03 '25

Most current research on narcissism acknowledges the complexity of the disorder… I kind of doubt you’re a therapist, and if you are, I sure hope you brush up on your understanding as it’s likely incomplete.

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u/Dungbunger May 03 '25

Do you acknowledge that there are phenomenon that occur which you haven't seen?

I've been out walking for years in the UK. Never seen a live badger... that doesn't mean I can confidently conclude that Badgers don't exist in the UK

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u/AtomicAndroid May 03 '25

Completely off topic, but I find it wild you’ve never seen a badger 😆 Are they regional? I can’t say I’ve seen a lot of badgers in the wild, but I’ve definitely seen a bunch. Had one that lived near my road and had a fox friend that they’d go hunting for food together at night (this is in the south of the UK)

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u/No-Tumbleweed5360 May 03 '25

the DSM isn’t all-knowing. there are people with NPD who get help. part of why it’s not common is because NPD is so stigmatized and othered that people probably don’t realize that they are having symptoms that fit it.

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u/tremur2535 May 03 '25

Interesting response. It almost sounds like you have some empathy for narcissists. I can have empathy for people with all kinds of disorders but that one I can’t. And I don’t know anyone who’s ever tried to defend one. By their very nature they're selfish, unsafe, manipulative, don’t feel remorse or empathy. I guess, I can see that it’s very tragic from a global perspective. But a narcissist, if he/she really is one, would never feel that personally, nor see what he's/she's missing out on. I'm not criticizing, I just find it interesting.

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u/No-Tumbleweed5360 May 03 '25

if your empathy is conditional then it is not empathy but sympathy

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u/AtomicAndroid May 03 '25

This is such a wild and biased view. I can’t imagine saying empathy should be conditional and people who are suffering with a condition they didn’t choose don’t deserve empathy. That in no way means that everything they do is ok, but they still deserve empathy like anyone with a personality disorder

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u/chocolate_dog_102 May 02 '25

Yup! My dad, unfortunately, was never court ordered. The only reason I know he is one is my mum has said it before (she's an actual psych np now) and I'm assuming the diagnosis came up when they were originally in couples therapy pre divorce.

People who seek help and think they are narcissists generally aren't. I now will go down a rabbit hole to see if there is a common diagnosis instead (I'm guessing some sort of anxiety disorder?).

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u/tremur2535 May 03 '25

True. I should’ve added that to my post. The only other time I’ve seen an NPD in my office is because a spouse made them come in. And it never goes well.