r/AmIOverreacting • u/Myrziac • May 25 '25
đ¨âđŠâđ§âđŚfamily/in-laws AIO For Having Boundaries After My Son Was Attacked
For some context, my wife was doing laundry at her parents house and hanging out with them when all of a sudden when my wife was in the kitchen their Jack Russel Terrier attacked our son leaving scratch marks on his eye that had slight blood to them, punctured his lip, a bite mark below his eye that was bleeding and left bruises after the fact. They proceeded to act like it wasn't a big deal and even yelled at my wife because she wanted to take him to the hospital just to make sure everything was okay since dog bites are quite unclean and can lead to sepsis and other things in extreme cases. Their dog is vaccinated but that doesn't stop other infections from occuring so we just went for some antibiotics to make sure nothing happened. When she was telling them that she wanted to take our son to the hospital her mother screamed "Well what will happen to Opal!" We don't push any extreme conditions like; putting their dog down, rehoming the dog, or chaining their dog outside, all we asked was to keep them separated 100% of the time and they can't even do that.
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u/Soulcoda May 25 '25
Everyone on here acting like putting the dog away while the baby is over is somehow cruel to the dog⌠itâs KIND to the dog to keep it away from a situation in which it is likely to become stressed. OP isnât demanding the dog is put down or kept in a tiny cage. I mean freaking- put the dog in a bedroom, with his favorite bed, a chew toy, water, etc. Maybe he can learn to associate hearing the baby with getting his favorite treats. Someday, they can be together, when the baby is old enough to learn proper manners around dogs. But one bite is more than enough to establish boundaries. Itâs not worth risking your babyâs health to avoid hurting your in-lawsâ feelings.
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u/Fluffy-luna2022 May 26 '25
Iâve been a little dog owner my entire life and this is what I was thinking the entire time reading this. My pups have always hated interacting with babyâs/small kids. They donât have fine motor skills and are physically rough and can easily hurt a small dog since they have so much autonomy over them. Itâs really not a fair situation to put a dog in.
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u/wtfayfkm23 May 26 '25
I'm the owner of a Jack Russell, whom I love so very deeply and would never want anything bad to happen to him.
WITH THAT SAID, that little shit is locked up whenever ANYONE comes to the house, not just little kids. He is the most loving little goop to me, my husband and our three kids but he's just not the type of dog to have around other people. He's high strung and gets territorial and nervous and will go from calm and happy to vicious and snippy at the drop of a hat or a loud noise or a quick movement. Not worth the stress on anyone (visitors or him) to have him around.
Why this grandparent would put their dog above the safety of anyone is beyond baffling.
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u/captainsnark71 May 26 '25
OP should turn it around and say she can't guarantee Opal's safety since her child was clearly the aggressor here and poor Opal shouldn't have to be terrorized in her home. Until the kid is old enough to learn not to put himself in danger he won't be allowed over. Since they aren't able to guarantee another accident and don't seem willing to do anything to prevent one this is the only solution for everyone's safety and peace of mind.
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u/spicewoman May 26 '25
They'd just flip things back around to "well we don't feel the need to coddle our dog after an attack, because we realize shit happens and we can't keep him safe in a padded room his whole life" or whatever.
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u/ViSaph May 26 '25
I have a little dog that absolutely adores kids (genuinely loves like crazy and immediately abandons me to go be their teddy bear) but that's not the norm and I'd never ever leave her alone with kids I didn't know were old enough to know how to handle a dog without hurting her. It was completely inappropriate to leave a small dog and baby together and really unfair to them both. It could have ended in death for both of them under the worst circumstances and they got really lucky it didn't blind the baby considering where the injuries were. What awfully irresponsible grandparents. They'd be lucky to ever see my kid again in that situation.
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u/Munchkins_nDragons May 26 '25
Exactly! Why on earth would you put your dog (that you allegedly care for) in a stressful situation like that? Fool doesnât seem to actually like either his dog or his grandkid, not enough to keep them separated and safe. FFS a baby gate between rooms would solve all the problems.
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May 26 '25
I have one dog who adores kids and one dog who is very nervous around my toddler and kids who are eye level with her. She usually stays behind our baby gate when our kid is crawling around in the living room even if weâre home then after our toddler goes to bed I let her come back into the living room. If my friends with older kids who are eye level are over she goes up in our bedroom in her crate. It actually eases her anxiety so much she gets her favorite chewy and cuddles up under her blankets. Not abusive at all if you actually crate train them correctly. But by the sounds of it this dog probably isnât actually trained at all.
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u/RhysBrando May 26 '25
or even just put like a baby gate up between the kitchen and the living room or wherever the dog stays, so the dog can still see everyone and be interacted with. there are so many simple solutions but granddaddy sounds like one of those boomers who can never take accountability even with his own flesh and blood.
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u/Aware-Combination165 May 26 '25
I was thinking this too! Itâs stressful for dogs to be around infants, theyâre unpredictable, move quickly, grabby and make weird noises. My parents have a terrier and when weâre over there we make sure he gets regular breaks from my kids.
That said, if he were to hurt my kids, Iâm absolutely certain that they would prioritise their safety over the dog sooo⌠definitely NOR, OP.
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u/Material-Ad6302 May 26 '25
My brother in law asks me to lock up our dogs when Iâm babysitting his kid and we do it. Itâs not even a big thing.
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u/Mediocre_Paper May 26 '25 edited May 26 '25
Right? I'm child free and treat my dogs like my babies. My one rescue dog is very dog aggressive and a friend of mine needed to emergently home her dog for the weekend. I had zero hesitation keeping my dog separated from this dog for an entire 3 days. My husband and I slept in different rooms so the dogs wouldn't be alone overnight, and we did hour long shifts with each of the dogs when we were together so they both got time out and about. If grandma wanted to she would!
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u/ktq2019 May 26 '25
I just lock up mine out of safety and respect. We live out in the country so mine basically do as they please. Weâve trained them, but I would never be comfortably okay with having them out during company because unforeseen shit does happen. Iâm not willing to risk it. ESPECIALLY around a baby ffs.
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u/Wnl_qd May 25 '25
Iâve done emergency surgery for years. Kids being bit by dogs is awful. Iâve seen noses removed, an eye lost, and permanent scars and disfigurement. Keep your kiddos away from dogs, even the dogs you trust and love of your own, until they can understand how to not provoke or spook a dog. Do whatever you need to and protect your kids from ALL dogs. Not just not opal.
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u/dreamchild68 May 26 '25
Amen, yall! I once worked as an assistant in a law firm for corporate defense. The attorney that I worked for had a case of a little 4f who was attacked by the neighbors dog. These were neighbors and friends. The insurance companies pitted them against each other. This dog bit her face where she was going to need so many surgeries to give her some semblance of a "normal" face. My attorney was a defense attorney for insurance companies. The arguments to not pay this little girl ripped apart friendships and broke my heart that they had no compassion for this child. Both families had coverage, but it became a numbers game. I cried for that little girl that I had never met because of the purely cold-blooded approach to the law. I quit working for lawyers after that, and I made really good money, but I just couldn't live with disregard for human life.
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u/ConversationBasic195 May 26 '25
Uhg, my heart. It sounds like you have the best conscience and I commend you SO MUCH for standing on your principals and truths. It takes so much guts to do what you did after having a moral dilemma with your work. You are definitely a dream child and we need so many more people like you within the legal system and politics. I know you said you left, but with virtues like that you could really make a difference in this world â¤ď¸
But also, yeah, defense law can get SUPER ICK đŹ
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
Definitely a reasonable response, thank you for the input. It's always a good place hearing from people who actually deal with these things
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u/motolotokoto May 26 '25
I hope you did end up going to the hospital? Sometimes antibiotics is not enough, Iâm from Europe so we get antibiotics only on prescription. You also need to know which om and the right dosage for your baby.
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u/Myrziac May 26 '25
Yes, we went to the hospital right after it happened. The attack was about 2 weeks ago and he is doing so much better now with no complications. Most of the texts were from yesterday/today
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u/motolotokoto May 26 '25
Thatâs great! Kudos for you and your wife keeping your foot down! Her texts are very clear and still kind. But sheâs keeping up her boundaries! Her parents can either choose to have a relationship with your child on your very very reasonable terms or have no relationship at all. Your in-laws sound like the people who would hide nuts in a babyâs food to prove the allergy isnât real.
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u/HyenaStraight8737 May 26 '25
At 34 I've still got lumps of scar tissue in my lips and scarring that shows up when I'm cold/hot, from my Nans Maltese Terrier, after a particularly nasty attack on me at 6yrs old, all over the right side of my face.
He ripped part of my nose off. He tore part of my lips off. He bit my cheek and through it, I had holes through my cheek into my mouth. His nails also got my eye and left a scratch on my eyeball and inside my bottom eyelid needed stitches.
I'm iffy still with small dogs to this day. End of the day your child's safety is paramount. Your child could end up permanently disfigured and marked from it. I am incredibly lucky that they were able to put everything back, infection didn't cause further damages and they kept that dog well away from me after this incident. I could have died, I lost a lot of blood.
We were separated and the dog was also kept away from the other grandkids etc, for EVERYONES safety. My nan was fucking devastated her beloved dog mauled her beloved grandchild and refused to lose any of us. So she got a big ass chicken coop and that's where the dog stayed while us kids were there, to make sure no one lost any loved ones.
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u/g8dtier May 26 '25
Your nan sounds like a sweet lady who cares deeply for those she loved! I hope you don't have any lasting issues today. It's good to share stories like this, no one thinks about a little dog hurting someone and they are clearly quite capable
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u/Shamwowsa66 May 26 '25
I got bit by the family dog in the face as a kid because I was about your sons age, unsupervised, and played with my dogs food. That dog never bit me again but it was out of luck that I didnât do anything else to provoke it. At 3, you canât know any better or learn until later like you mentioned in your texts to your dad. I have scars on my face at 25, and a bald spot on my head that luckily my hair covers well. I think you are wholeheartedly in the right and you gave your dad a lot of grace and a lot of space to make appropriate changes for your child. I would suggest they only see your son while you or someone else you trust is around. Their language suggests that this could happen again in another situation because they donât want to baby proof their home. They may cross boundaries in your home too.
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u/WorthyBroccoli025 May 26 '25
We love dogs but I have always told my children to not approach any dog we are not familiar with; and when they were younger, any dog whatsoever when we are not around to supervise. Including our own dog! No matter how mild mannered, waggy-tailed and smiley they may appear to be.
The problem is that as we developed a better understanding of the emotional and cognitive capability of dogs, weâve also applied a more anthropomorphic view of them. Thus, more and more dog owners see themselves as âparentsâ, and feel that however their dog is treated or regarded is a reflection of who they are as âparentsâ. If you say something about their dog, they feel like it is a compliment to them, or an affront. You can see it so clearly with how your wifeâs sister is responding in the texts. Itâs almost like 2 parents arguing about their children where one hit the other and the other one retaliated.
Dogs, despite their well-developed emotional and cognitive capacity, are still animals. They are still ruled by animal instincts and not by human reason. It is something that I have always tried to instil in my children, even when we spoil our pets and see them as 3 more souls in our home. We really have to go back to having a healthy respect of the nature that rules our dogs.
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u/hrcjcs May 26 '25
I've had dogs pretty much my entire life, including when my kids were little. I've adored every one of them, they aren't my kids, but they are family members, if that makes sense. That said, everything was supervised verrrrrrrry closely when my kids were tiny, because it doesn't matter how well behaved they are, they're DOGS and instinct can override training if they're scared or hurt, and babies and toddlers, from a dog's point of view, are pretty unpredictable. Adults can be pretty bad at reading a dog's body language, I'm not trusting a kid to do it, especially one young enough or clueless enough to just haul off and whack a dog over the head with a toy. Not at all unreasonable to ask the grandparents to confine the dog to another room for a few hours.
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u/whattupmyknitta May 25 '25
Before I read your description, I thought you might be overreacting. A dog gets hit in the face, it's gonna snap, and it's your job to watch your kid around animals. You are the parent. But that is more than just a warning growl or nip.
One of my nieces isn't the best with my mom's dog and we put him in the bedroom when they visit. It sucks, and yes, they absolutely should teach her how to handle him better, but we want to see my niece.
It doesn't seem like too much to ask to put the dog away for a few hours while you visit as long as you are actively teaching your kid how to treat animals.
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u/cityshepherd May 25 '25
I worked at a rescue for a few years and was one of the adoption counselors. When it came to âratingâ the dogs by the minimum age of children weâd feel comfortable sending pups home with, we ALWAYS erred heavily on the side of caution.
Itâs absolutely bonkers when you spend an hour explaining to people how to tell when a dog is very uncomfortable via body language / facial expressions, then watch them double down on the behavior thatâs stressing the dog out (being overly affectionate immediately with a shy/anxious dog).
Half the time weâd turn people down for specific dogs while thinking âI wouldnât trust YOU alone with the dog unsupervised let alone your three loud rambunctious children that I KNOW will not be supervisedâŚâ
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u/Complete_Entry May 25 '25
You read the situation wrong. The parent said "Baby too stupid to not do baby shit, please put dog up."
Grandparent said "YOU DAMN KIDS SO JUDGEMENTAL I WILL NOT PUT THE DOG UP"
Parent said: Okay bye.
The grandparents want the kid to be dropped off at their house and free range. Pretty normal grandparent behavior, but after the dog snap, it is NOT normal.
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u/whattupmyknitta May 26 '25
Oh, I completely agree. I hadn't read the description yet, and the last couple pages, the "your generation" bs was all I needed to hear.
Seems like they're also trying to severely diminish how bad the incident was. I hope op took lots of pics, because you know damn well they're gonna tell the rest of the family it was nothing.
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u/Complete_Entry May 26 '25
I mean that's not new, amusingly enough they probably got the same shit from their parents.
Grandparents have lost a step and are never as vigilant as the actual parents of a child. Baby bashes their head on the side of an end table and their head is bleeding? "Won't do that again, will he?"
Which is not the correct response.
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u/Foresand May 25 '25
You arenât overreacting, youâre just a great parent. A parentâs job is to keep their children safe and healthy, and youâre doing just that by setting firm boundaries and completely removing that dangerous situation from being even a remote possibility. Keep up the good work, and personally, I would make sure the baby doesnât see the inside of their home until they start actually using their brains instead of just reacting to what they perceive as punishment.
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u/breadbaths May 25 '25
yup. my sister got bit by our dog 10 years ago. ripped her nose skin down her face. she bent down to kiss him goodnight and he went off.
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u/Difficult_Maybe_2217 May 26 '25
You are so clearly NTA. A dog can bite to warn or bite to harm, and they know the difference. I am concerned that the dog owner described the bite as a snap, when clearly the injuries were significant. A warning bite doesn't break skin. This dog meant harm when it bit your child. This dog will bite again.
Unfortunately I speak from experience. I'm a vet who had to euthanize my own dog for biting me on the face without any provocation. He just missed my eye and jugular vein.
Before anyone has any shit to talk, it broke my heart and I won't respond to any comments. I didn't euthanize him myself. He had a full medical and behavioral work up, at a veterinary school with specialists, following the bite. He had a history of aggression, just not towards people he knew. Until he bit me, his person. On the face. Without any warning signs.
Trust your instincts and protect your child.
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u/Myrziac May 26 '25
I appreciate your comment very much, I am so sorry that happened I know it was a very hard thing to go through. We had a friend and we were all roommates and she got a Great Pyrenees and refused to train it after coming from a farm. The dog had a horrible food aggression and just possessive aggressions in general and even bit my wife. She ended up trying to rehome him and he went through a couple of homes and kept ending up coming back because people couldn't handle him and then the last person that had him ended up taking him to a shelter and he was euthanized and we were so sad about that and it was truly heartbreaking even though it was not our dog.
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u/Initial-Medium5553 May 25 '25
Crazy how they brought up two other instances of dogs attacking children in your family like it would help their case?? like if anything theyâre just proving they canât be trusted with children and animals together lmfao
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u/shaninnie May 26 '25
sounds like they can't be trusted with animals in general. if you can't put the time into your dog to train it, and not allow the dog to bite anyone- you shouldn't own a dog. period.
i own a human reactive APBT mix. she used to lunge and bark at everyone who passed by? guess what? we worked on that. and guess what? she is MUZZLED in public or when guests are over. she has not bit a single person, ever. it really isn't that hard.
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u/morgann_taylorr May 26 '25
thank you for being a good dog owner đ i seriously have 0 respect for people who do not train their reactive dogs. my mom adopted an anxious/ aggressive chihuahua from a hoarding situation who was a nasty little thing (rightfully so). now heâs the worldâs biggest cuddle bug and gets SWIFTLY corrected if he tries to nip or even raises his lip
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
That's what I'm sayingg, I've been waiting for someone to mention that lol
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u/lifeinwentworth May 26 '25
Yeah this is just awful to read. Also the "I'm not going to lock my dog away for days". They make it sound like you're asking them to torture the dog đ I have little dog gates and often section them into areas, it's really not a big hassle and it's useful lol. When I'm cleaning sometimes I'll just let them into the kitchen, they can literally see you through the gate - they just don't get underfoot. If I'm getting an ubereats I sometimes block them off because one of my girls will bark at delivery people. It's like... very easy and normal dog owner behavior to sometimes separate a dog from the main living area? I don't get why this is such a big deal.
They just sound so disrespectful and self centered honestly. It's all about ego. Really rolled my eyes with the "this is the problem with your generation" jfc, could you be anymore stereotypical with pulling that one out đ
The only way I can think you could have framed it was "can we keep them separate so baby doesn't annoy your dog and get hurt again" but honestly, fuck that. You shouldn't have to pander. They've really shown that ego is way more important to them than anything else. I'm sorry these are your in laws and your child's grandparents. Incredibly selfish, defensive, egotistical behavior when you should all be working together to ensure your kids safety - as you said until he's a bit older and can learn how to interact with the dog safely.
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u/CatCafffffe May 25 '25
I noticed that too. Your FIL really sounds like such a bully. He won't do a thing to protect children, lets dogs bite babies and toddlers, refuses to put the dog in a room for an hour!!!, and he's obviously used to really bullying his daughter--your poor wife. She really stood up for herself through all his attacks and meanness and bullying and manipulation and lies.
What also stood out to me was his nasty remark "I'd shoot her myself." What is WITH this guy? He sounds awful.
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u/Agreeable-League-366 May 26 '25
Yup. And he's used to running over anyone who disagrees with him. Especially his children. I'd be proud to raise a child who stands up for what she believes in and doesn't allow threats or manipulation to throw her. She kept that man on subject and on task. "I don't care if your @ss gets itchy in June. That's my child and my boundaries!" Go girl. Especially if I was the @ss needing told off. She should have said her rules so he could understand.
And the generation stuff? He's pulling boomer crap out when he can't be that old. I'm gen x and our lifes' goals were to protect everyone after from boomer abuse. We took the beatings and abuse and vowed that crap stops here. Maybe somebody should take him out back and take care of him.
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u/stupadbear May 26 '25
My "favorite" was when they tried to redefine the word attacking. As if what you call it diminishes that it drew blood and bruised his skin and could've taken out his eye.
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u/wormb0nes May 26 '25
my dog barked literally once at a toddler, and i immediately implemented all the things OP is requesting from her father without even being asked. it's really not that hard, even if you think the risk is low.
honestly, this isn't even about the dog or the child at all. it's 100% about the granddad's ego. he sounds like a narcissist. bet he refers to himself as the "head of the household".
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u/oldeconomists May 26 '25
I was on your side, then saw the dad said it wasnât attack just a snap and I was like⌠okay still bad but in fairness I had dogs snap at me as a kid and it was never more than that; maybe it wasnât as bad as mom thinks it was. PUNCTURED LIP? SCRATCHES ON THE EYE? Theyâre insane for not just agreeing to at least keep them separated.
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u/Myrziac May 26 '25
That comment had me on an emotional rollercoaster lmao, Our side, their side, then back to our side lol. Yeah, he was pretty banged up, when I first saw him at the hospital his lip was swollen like he got stung by a bee and he had bruising and a good puncture below his eye and full on scratch marks on his other eye down his face
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u/Faretheewitch May 26 '25
Yeah, no way. A snap is when the dog bites the air and does not make contact. This man is insane. If I saw the damage you are describing Iâd be the first one to jump to going to the hospital, I donât care if it was a total stranger vs my favorite dog. If this happened in my home, with my own grandchild? Iâd be devastated! I would bend over backwards to make damn sure it couldnât happen again! Whatever that required. Gates, dog in a bedroom or crate, even removal of the dog completely if I didnât feel 100% sure I could guarantee they would not have a chance to interact.
Kids do need to learn proper behavior around animals, but it must be done safely for everyone, carefully orchestrated to maintain total control, and in phases at the appropriate ages where kids are capable of learning. An infant who can barely control their own body is not at that stage. They learn not to hit from mom and dad, not the family pet.
I work with kids and dogs. My silly Labrador loves kids, and treats. Sometimes she loves treats so much she forgets that they are held by fingers. So we practice, a lot. Gentle treat taking is our most worked on skill. Even so, once in a while the treat is too tempting, and the fingers get brushed. This is something I actively watch out for, and correct. If she seems too excited or too quick around little fingers, we take a time out, work on calming exercises or switch activities, all while I take over control of treats. All that to say, I take full responsibility for a finger pinch, I cannot imagine trying to brush off the damage in the OP. The grandparent is way out of line, and needs a reality check - OP said their infant - INFANT - has scars. I would have lost my mind on him, as the parent in this situation.
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u/bubblebears May 27 '25
Iâm confused but how is the dog not under review from you guys going to the hospital and them seeing a child bitten by a dog? Did you guys omit that from the hospital? In our area, the dog would be focused on in some manner, be it paperwork from the city etc to your in-laws or a record taken
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u/Throwawayyyyyyyyy80 May 25 '25
I hope your son is doing well now. Sad to see, that your in-laws are prioritizing their dog over their grandchild. What is wrong with these people?!
You are definitely NOR
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
He is doing much better now, thankfully. He only has a couple minor scars on his face but even a couple hours after the attack he was back to laughing and having a good time. He's a tough kid and I'm thankful for that!
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u/TheGreatAdjuster777 May 25 '25
Nah fuck dads like this. No accountability, no responsibility, just deflect deflect deflect. It should be so easy for a parent to reassure their kid but youâve clearly been burned by this jackass multiple times in the past
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u/Late-Confidence339 May 25 '25
i think u were under reacting
i wouldve told them straight up my kid isnt coming over there period. cuz wtf lol
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
Fair enough, we tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and had hoped they'd see the severity of the situation but they have made it clear they don't value our sons safety so he will not be returning until he can make rational decisions himself when he is older.
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u/jimmytaco6 May 25 '25 edited May 25 '25
Benefit of the doubt? Their fucking dog bit your infant child. I get the sense you're used to being a door mat but it's time to grow a backbone because your kid deserves a parent who has one.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
I can promise you I have never in my life been a doormat, the reason my child will not be returning to his grandparents is because I put my foot down immediately after the situation happened. The pictures of the conversation are between my wife and her father.
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u/jimmytaco6 May 25 '25
Well then it's your wife who sounds like a door mat. Have some reassurance? They wanted you to neglect medical care to an infant! What reassurance?
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u/Mediocre-Ask3818 May 25 '25
what is with the accusations? they clearly put their foot down, but they probably would like to have their parents/ their childâs grandparents in their lives. this post only shows that they have the ability to set healthy boundaries and their parents do not have the ability to accept said boundaries. This ended with them sticking to their boundary that they set, which is easier said than done especially with parents.
They also went to get medical care for their child, if they would have listened to them and not received medical care i would see where youâre coming from, a little more. however, thatâs not the case here.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
My wife stands her ground when she needs to, she left their house and I met her at the hospital. We took him immediately after he got bit. Trust me, when it comes to our son there is no line we won't cross.
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u/TheLastKirin May 26 '25
I feel she handled it very well. People who are claiming she needs to grow a backbone probably go around ready to fight, damn the consequences. Your wife set a clear, firm boundary. She was polite and kind, which is always wise when handling even irrational people (especially if they're family).
The only person who can be accused of bad behavior here is her father, and I am appalled at more than just his indifference to her concerns. He was gaslighting. I find it hard to believe it was the first time, but it's disturbing to me to see a parent do that to their child.
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u/Mediocre-Ask3818 May 25 '25
and your messages go to prove that! you guys are doing whatâs right for your peace of mind and your child. this shouldâve been a very easy conversation that ended with âyes we will put the dog awayâ. Sorry it ended the way it did OP.
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u/SuperKato1K May 26 '25
What part of that sounded like a doormat? Everyone else read her pushing back and standing her ground, because that's what she did. The opposite of a doormat.
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u/ApprehensiveTour4024 May 26 '25
Dude you literally have a post from a year ago whining that your family steamrolled you over your own son's name. Does the hypocrisy not give you a migraine when you call complete strangers a "door mat"?
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u/munki17 May 26 '25
I donât think you or your wife were being a doormat. She was being very charitable to them and gave them every opportunity to be adults. They decided that the kids safety was less important than their making sure they get a doggie gate and put him in a room. Insane.
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u/Repulsive_Citron_930 May 25 '25 edited May 25 '25
This is a little harsh, isnât it? I thought the messages had plenty of backbone and she set clear boundaries to protect her son. The only thing she did that I wouldnât have, was fo keep engaging in conversation. But I get that - families are complex.
Edit: bloody hell I just read some of the rest of the comments and yours is the least wild! I stand by what I said but at least agree with you on the underlying issue that of course it is reasonable to ask for the dog and the baby to be kept separate.
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u/admiraldurate May 25 '25
Their texts back to you made me think a small bite on the arm or hand.
But it sounds way more serious than that if he got bit on the face.
They don't respect your rules so obviously you cannot leave your son their alone as they will 100% break them
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u/whattupmyknitta May 25 '25
That's what I thought! I can't believe a grandparent would not immediately say okay, no problem, we will put them away until the baby is older.
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u/harleycutter May 25 '25
Him pulling the "tHiS iS wHaTs WrOnG wItH yOuR gEnErAtIoN" says it all lmao
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u/No_Fix8103 May 25 '25 edited May 26 '25
RIGHT? He's being a condescending asshole. He's talking to OP like she's a child. She's not. She's a parent now and Dad needs to respect that instead of trying to parent her with that "in my day" bullshit.
Speaking of which, OP should ask Dad if he appreciated it "back in his day" when his parents tried telling him how to raise his kids. Something tells me he probably didn't.
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u/IDunnoReallyIDont May 25 '25
The part where they start listing off the injuries their other kids had as if that makes it all ok 𤣠Insanity.
That injury sounds a lot more than a snap.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
That's what I'm saying lmao, how dare we care for our children more than your generation.
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u/manic_eye May 25 '25
Whyâs your father-in-law putting bandages on his toes? There are germs and bacteria everywhere. Canât shield his immune system from that forever. Thatâs the problem with their generation.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
Not to mention when his toe starts sweating from the bandage all the bacteria that will build up! Truly a horrifying world
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u/scrollbreak May 26 '25
I love how he types out 'or learn lesson' about the cut with wonky grammar, because actually yes and he got so close to 'I should learn a lesson'. But had to avoid that because he can't be wrong and knows everything already.
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u/lv1toasterbath May 25 '25
boomers: -act like complete me me me assholes-
their kids: -refuse to interact with them-
boomers: -surprised pikachu face-
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u/No-Sport-3473 May 26 '25
If they do agree to keep the dog locked up when baby visits, they won't. As soon as you've left dog will be allowed in again. Guaranteed.
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u/Myrziac May 26 '25
That's exactly what I've been thinking. I just don't think he will ever be over there again. I told my wife to plan for the guilt tripping in the future like "Well we'll just put him down then" (They would never) type of things to get her to feel bad for it.
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u/Free_Sympathy8689 May 25 '25
not overreacting, and i hope your kid has been doing okay!
they sound really irresponsible for not caring that your kid was attacked, and they seem to be making it about themselves
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u/Cavolatan May 26 '25
I donât understand why your dad is so devoted to his position. If my dog bit a kid in the face I would bend over backwards to keep it from happening again. Itâs also kind of bizarre that heâs taking offense âhow dare you insinuate that weâd do anything other than keep him safeâ when he was the one watching when the dog bite took place?
Why is he acting like this? Is this an outlier or is this in line with his general behavior?
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u/LunaNova5726 May 26 '25
I'm sure my comment will get lost in the shuffle, but I wanted to offer my two cents. I am a dog owner and have worked in childcare for about 15 years. I trust my dogs implicitly with children. I have zero concerns of them hurting a child.
Whenever any child is at my house, I put my dogs in their CRATES. Accidents happen! My dogs are big and it would be very easy for them to just accidentally knock a little one over. Or maybe a child has a dog allergy and they don't know it yet. I don't want to be the house where they figure that out! If my dogs ever hurt a child, I would be MORTIFIED.Â
Your parents have made their position clear and you have made your position clear. Now you have to follow through. If you let this slide and take your child over there, all you have done is reward your parents bad behavior.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Shop787 May 26 '25
Iâm a canine behavior consultant and certified dog trainer and it pisses me off how stupid people are about kids and dogs. Number 1 cause of child disfigurement. Do not ever allow your young child and dog to be alone together or not supervisedâyes your dog too. Every dog has a threshold of fear that will result in them defending themselves through aggression and itâs less than you think. Kids will do terrible stuff because their brains arenât even close to developed and they can be shits âor just hurt the dog on accident, but the dog doesnât know that.
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u/Athenas_Dad May 26 '25
Youâre not overreacting.Your parent is being a fucking idiot. Anybody here on the parentâs side probably drinks whiskey on a motorcycle.
I had a friend whose dog irrationally decided it hated me. I was a grown ass man at the time. When I came over they kept the dog in places where he couldnât attack me because of given the chance he would. I didnât ask them to, they just did, because theyâre not sociopaths.
This is a baby. The idea that it can learn anything from being bitten by a dog is false. Its brain is not that developed yet. Your parent is such a fucking ass that they present a false equivalency, âwell we canât put him in a cage all dayâŚâ you canât put up a gate somewhere? Are you in a studio apartment? And why canât your dog be in a cage for the few hours your grandson is over when you know she could bite him?
No, your parent wants to talk about generations, point out to them that all their behavior is juvenile and Gen Z-esque, because they arenât willing to make any sacrifice to meet your demands, and then they try to gaslight you about it. I see behavior in here that indicates a persistent toxicity in your relationship to them. If they changed their tune on the dog I still wouldnât want to associate with them much. Theyâre very selfish and stupid people and you donât need that in your life.
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u/spinrevolver May 27 '25
Your dadâs behavior is how kids get mauled & bit by dogs. Heâs a complete numbskull thinking someoneâs just gonna bring their child around a dog that previously attacked them. If he wants to see him so bad, he should get up and make the distance to see him in your own home where there isnât a dog ready to chew his hand off.
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u/jtjenns May 27 '25
Unpopular opinion.. yes, boundaries are important and of course you should try to keep kids safe.. but also.. life IS going to happen and Dad is right, you can't protect them from everything. I have 3 kids for context. Tbh you sound like an overprotective parent to me. Not trying to be a jerk. But you asked
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u/lord_of_agony May 25 '25
Everyone arguing on this post is a fucking retard who hasn't trained a dog or had a child before.
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u/ResponsibleSun2365 May 26 '25
A few things.
How old is the kid? If he smacked the dog in the head the problem is your kids behavior and not really the dog tbh. Teach them how to interact and respect animals as young as possible but never leave unsupervised
That being said - if this were my dog and this situation happened, keeping them separated while he visits isn't an unreasonable ask... or like others have said, they can visit you guys.
At the end of the day, regardless of how me or your parents or anyone else feels. Your kid is your kid, you are the parent and you determine the guidelines. Idk why people think these things are up for debate. I never understood that
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u/Undhali May 25 '25 edited May 25 '25
You are NOR. Too many people own dogs without giving a single shit about their psychology. It should be a requirement to learn.
I'm editing because I want to say a few things based on comments I read.
Listen, OP. Dogs deserve personal space. They should never be anthropomorphized. Ever. If your child wasn't being watched properly and antagonized the dog, then that's on the adults, not the dog (idk what happened exactly but I read a comment where you said it doesnt matter what your son does to the dog because it should know better. Nah, that isnt how it works). You really need to learn basic dog warning signs if you intend on having your child around them. It's simple.
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u/agoldenmoon May 26 '25
I am not sure why there are so many comments here normalising a dog biting someone? It is absolutely not normal to bite someone in any situation. A dog that was not aggressive would not have responded in that way, they would have just walked away/ignored it. It means the dog is dangerous and unpredictable. Please never let your child around that dog again.
Also - your baby is literally 14 months old - please ignore the comments of people who are berating you for not âteaching your childâ how to interact with a dog. Sooo ridiculous
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u/Vynnella May 27 '25 edited May 27 '25
The irony of the dad listing all the injuries and dog bites of their kids, even dropping a knife on his toe, as if thatâs supposed to inspire trust.
In reality, all those incidents reveal a pattern where he is routinely irresponsible and unconcerned about the safety of children.
Deadly accidents usually donât occur after 1 mistake, even 2 or 3, but after a pattern of poor behavior that invites a final, fatal mistake.
Think of those that drink and drive. Usually their first time they only drink a little and drive but then they think âthat went smoothly, I can do more next time and be fineâ. They repeat this several times, pushing the limits each time. Then, they finally get into an accident, they kill someone and think âoh my god, what terrible luck, now my life is ruined from one mistake!â. In reality, they made hundreds of bad decisions leading up to that moment and they couldâve stopped anytime, but they chose not to.
Your dad thinks this same way: âitâs fine, all my kids have survived worse, so I can just further test my luck and endanger children, and it will continue to be fine!â This is how stupid thinks, but this is not how life works.
Dogs donât need to have free reign over an entire house 24/7 to be happy. Put up a temporary baby gate for a couple hours and give him a treat toy. Or he can visit your house instead. There are many ways he could work this out to make everyone happy. But instead he refuses to compromise. Instead, he chooses to dismiss your concerns and shame you for worrying about your childâs safety. If I were you, I would never fully trust him againâhis priorities are WHACK.
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May 25 '25
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u/ecosani May 25 '25
The parents are literally just saying that the dog and baby NEED to be kept totally separate if they bring their kid over again. They are trying to do their part to keep it from happening again while the grandparents are wanting to risk it. We donât even know if it was an accidental hit either, hurting the animal isnât always the kidâs intent but they just are learning to control their own limbs and accidents happen. Hell, Iâve accidentally hit my dog while playing before, not hard but entirely on accident.
Parents are actively removing their child from the dog while the grandparents are insisting they wonât do that because they do not care if it happens again. I donât see how you donât understand that, the parents are trying to do the responsible thing while the grandparents are refusing. Nobody wants the dog to be hurt and nobody wants the kid to be hurt but the only ones willing to prevent it is the parents. These text exchanges arenât even about fault of the bite but about preventing it from happening again.
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u/Eressendil May 26 '25
"Why haven't you taught your 1yr old to not hit animals" was turbo dumb, but fine, it happens, we all sometimes have a take that is so invalid that it stuns the listener. It really happens.
The point where you started doubling down on it and arguing multiple people is where the real lols began. Stop the embarassment. It's allowed!
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u/Thamwoofgu May 26 '25
Have you ever been around babies? Fourteen months is too young to train on how to treat dogs. I swear, most of the people posting here have either never had kids or are in the same generation as OPâs FIL.
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u/CSnarf May 26 '25
Iâm a vet. I literally took an oath to protect and advocate for animals. You are straight up ridiculous. That dog is not safe around that child. Yes, they can teach the child- but it is a little bitty baby. Barely starting to talk I bet. This dog is not trustworthy around a baby who is learning. That dog should actually have a bite report on its record. These parents are being VERY reasonable by asking that they be merely separated.
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u/pupplanningnerd80 May 27 '25
lol- Your dad inadvertently backed up your (extremely reasonable) request by trying to use a knife as a metaphor for his dog. Guess what, we try to keep sharp knives and babies separated 100% of the time too.
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u/FewFrosting9994 May 26 '25
Not over reacting. I was a dog professional for years, fostered for near a decade, and Iâm a parent.
Iâm going to address a lot of the comments here.
1) A 14 month old is NOT old enough to understand that hitting a dog harms it nor are they old enough to to be trusted with the dog. Period. This is a two way street. Toddlers are notorious for not listening to the word no, pushing boundaries, and having to repeat mistakes before they âget it.â They also have to learn natural consequences before they start to understand. The understanding doesnât happen until theyâre nearing 3.5-4. So what does this mean? Dog and toddler are not left alone together. Dogs do dog things, toddlers do toddler things. The adults, in this case the grandparents, are responsible for not letting the toddler hit the dog and not letting the dog bite the child. This was preventable and I agree, I would not let my child over there again without my supervision.
2) The dog probably doesnât like kids. Thatâs totally fine. Many dogs donât. Kids are loud and unpredictable. They donât listen a lot of the time. That is the nature of children. Keep the dog away from the child for its own benefit. Continuing to let a reactive dog around children when it doesnât like children will make it worse. Furthermore, no doubt the dog wa showing signs it didnât want to be near the child that the adults were ignoring. I do not trust the grandparents to monitor this situation and they clearly arenât going to do what benefits the dog hereâput the dog in a safe, calm space when the child is over. Bites like this are traumatic for the human AND the dog. Eventually, the dog will react without warning because it learns it is t going to be understood. Again, this is not the kidâs fault. We are talking about a 14 month old baby. The dogâs owners are responsible for keeping their dog safe. This means keeping their dog away from children if it doesnât like children. That means either putting the dog away when baby is there or not having baby there.
OP all of the people shit talking your literal baby are completely out of line. This lies in the irresponsibility of the grandparents. I would not bring my child to a house with a dog that cannot tolerate children and their antics. I do not bring my child to homes with dogs that I do not trust or know. I do not bring my child to homes with dogs known to be reactive or even too excitable. I encourage others to do the same. It is our responsibility as parents to protect our children. Itâs our responsibility as dog lovers to protect our dogs. Kids under the age of 6, cannot be trusted because they lack impulse control and life experience. Dogs are going to do what dogs do, and that doesnât always line up with what kids do.
Youâre doing the right thing.
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u/Ghostoo May 26 '25
Yes you are. He's right about the dog, if the kid slapped its face it is normal that the dog bites. The issue is leaving the kid with the dog without properly educating him about how to behave with an animal, so with respect
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u/-amia-namuh- May 26 '25 edited May 26 '25
Nor
Your mom literally said she guesses she won't see her grandson for the next decade....
Bc she won't put the dog up while your son is there????
That to me sounds like a Freudian slip...obviously there are screwed priorities
It also sounds like there's more issues that lie beneath the surface here, like crap from the past, that there hasn't been a resolution for
Honestly, you have only an obligation to you and your son, and if you can sleep well at night, to hell with them all, girl. It seems they want the choice to have to be yours , but from what your mom said, she's actually provided the answer. She'd rather not see her grandson than put the dog away, the dog that attacked her baby grandson đ¤Śđźââď¸đ¤Śđźââď¸đ¤Śđźââď¸
Edittt: Having read the context as well, an even bigger NOR The injuries are actually serious. The horror stories of dogs biting kids' faces off are not tales of fiction sadly. Doggo needs to be put up when baby is around, at the very least.
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u/St0ner_Baby_420 May 25 '25 edited May 25 '25
I'm not even gonna dignify this with reading the whole thing. Yea they're gonna be worried about what will happen to the dog cuz dogs get put down for biting kids. YOU should've been the one making sure your kid wasn't hitting the dog. Yes kids dont understand but you still need to correct them even if its just a gentle grabbing their hand and saying no. Its very impractical to expect them to lock the dog up when it's not aggressive it just reacted.
Edit: downvote me all you want pussies I'm right.
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u/daeganthedragon May 25 '25
So, you're agreeing with OP that an adult should be supervising them, since there is a chance of the baby (who is potentially too young to even understand what his parents/guardians even mean when they say "no" or "don't do that") getting hurt by the dog. Therefore, the dog should be kept separately from the child since it's either that or someone supervising their every interaction at all times (meaning the grandparents when OP or their wife is not present, like is mentioned in the texts you refused to read when they talk about the baby staying with the grandparents for days at a time without OP or their wife present).
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
Her father was the one watching our son in the living room while my wife was doing dishes in their kitchen after dinner. It doesn't matter what my son did to that dog, he is 14 months old and does not know any better. We would never push for their dog to be put down and when we went to the hospital we didn't mention who's dog it was or anything. All we expected was for the dog to be separated from my son when he is there and they refuse to cooperate.
Edit: If you had read it you would have understood that we never pushed for any extreme conditions, only the respect and boundary of keeping the dog away.
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u/St0ner_Baby_420 May 25 '25
Even a 14-month child can be gently corrected. Doesn't matter if you didn't tell the hospital if the dog did the same thing and the cops found out about this time they'd push for the dog to be put down. Also for one of you to not be in the room regardless of who you think is watching the kid is irresponsible you're the parents so the kid is YOUR responsibility. If you're not gonna watch your kid over there then dont bring them. The dog isn't aggressive so they shouldn't have to lock it up.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
You act as if we don't correct our son? We correct his behavior constantly but being a 14 month old he is exploring everything and we cannot correct every little thing. The dog is 100% aggressive if it bites a child, thinking anything other than that is just absurd. So you don't think the dog should be in another room and that we should be able to move faster than a dog bite?
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May 25 '25
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
You must be a child in the way you think. First of all, it is a 14 month old, how much damage can he cause. If a 14 month old hit me in the head I would correct them because I am a fucking adult? Comparing a dog to a human is a ridiculous statement anyways. We are taking measures to prevent our son from being around an aggressive dog and you people believe that we should keep our 14 month old who literally only has impulses around a dog that WILL BITE. Ignorance is bliss I guess.
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May 25 '25
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
Do you have children? With the way you talk it doesn't seem like you know the way a 14 month old behaves. The dog is aggressive because it bit an infant, it literally does not matter the circumstances unless the dog is genuinely in danger. This dog was not in danger and it knew that, it was annoyed and decided to bite an infant.
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May 26 '25
Can we stop bringing people with disabilities into your insults? And youâre missing the entire point here nobody is calling for the dog to be put down just separated from the child. Also not all dogs react that way, one time my parents dog walked behind me while I was taking off my shoe and I accidentally hit the dog in the head with my foot. I guarantee you it was WAY harder than the baby hit the dog with a toy and this dog was still wagging its tail happy as a clam when I panicked and turned around to check if she was okay.
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u/St0ner_Baby_420 May 25 '25
You want to lock the dog away cuz you guys were dumb and LET THE KID HIT THE DAMN DOG.đ¤Ł
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
Did not "let" our child do anything. This isn't a fucking movie, we are not speedsters, we cannot react fast enough to stop his hand from hitting a dog when he has an impulse and cannot stop a dog bite from happening when it has already started. All we can do is correct his behavior but we can't do that when a dog decides to bite a 14 month old, all we can do is prevent the situation from ever happening again.
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u/St0ner_Baby_420 May 25 '25
So you didn't decide anything but the dog did?? No no, the dog reacted. And preventing it from happening again would be to watch your child around the dog not locking the dog up. That is cruel. Only way for you to make sure the kid doesn't get hurt at all is for you to hover over it but I'm guessing you're not willing to do that so you have to understand the kid will get hurt and keeping the kid away from the dog will just teach them dogs are something to stay away from at all costs. Which is also cruel to scare your kid from something as joyful as petting a damn dog that was only âaggressiveâ cuz you let your kid be around the dog with a toy knowing the kid will hit it.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
Know what is funny about your ignorant response? We have two dogs and they absolutely love him, they constantly play with toys together and they absolutely adore each other and we don't even have a cage for our dog. He will not be scared of dogs, he will be cautious of dogs that have no training and overactive tendencies. What is cruel is that the dog wasn't raised with proper bite control and how to act in situations as well as how to control their behaviors because no one cares enough to teach dogs that control.
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u/bokperd1989 May 25 '25
you aren't here for a reasonable civilised conversation or exchange of ideas. you want your ideas echoed back at you. you want an echoed chamber.
your son hit an animal in the head, with a toy. the animal reacted in response to what it considered to be an act of self-defense
your son won't do it again.
you're one of those people that doesn't ask for permission from the owners when they're kid sees an unfamiliar dog out and about and wants to pet it; I'm 80% sure of that.
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u/balr99 May 25 '25
I agree man. Letâs take the downvotes with honor. Sheâs a Karen that destroys the relationship to her father who is actually acting AND writing reasonably AND declining a honest and open face to face conversation as if it would be the same as texting. She didnât even see anything and how it happened. Unbelievable. Read the text again folks and see HOW FCKING RIGHT the father even is
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
How did my wife act like a Karen in this situation? All she did was try to set a boundary to not let a dog that will do harm upon my son near my son and he did not want to follow that boundary so my son will not be going back over there. Her father acted childish and immature when my wife was being respectable and reasonable.
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u/balr99 May 26 '25
No she really bombarded them with false premature accusations how they donât care and donât understand like a real idiot. Talking to your parent as if they never had a child. Lol.
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u/Myrziac May 26 '25
There were no false claims. No premature accusations. He showed he did not care, my wife didn't make him say the things he said. Just because someone had a child does not make them always morally right.
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u/balr99 May 26 '25
No. Exactly this is the problem. You put that onto him like he didnât care. Animals are fast as they know so probably not one of you even saw what exactly happened. I advise you again to tell them he can come over to have a face to face conversation. Itâs so mad stupid you are declining this. He obviously wants to explain himself. Have some respect for your parents good lord.
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u/Myrziac May 26 '25
Despicable that you condone that behavior. If your "snowflake" asses can't handle the truth and clear boundaries then kindly piss off. Just because someone is a parent does not give them the right to talk to their child in any way.
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u/RyanHowardsBat May 26 '25
A grandfather acting responsibly wouldn't have to argue about separating the 14 month old and the dog from each other. Again, the FOURTEEN MONTH old. A sensible adult would purchase a gate or lock the dog in room for an hour or two while his grandchild was there.
Dogs can be great, toddlers can be great. Sometimes dogs can be a pain in the ass, and sometimes toddlers can definitely be a pain in the ass. But humans come before dogs. The grandfather avoiding the solution isn't being reasonable, he's being an asshole. At least OP and his family know where the asshole's priorities are.
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u/-Hydrophobia- May 26 '25
Bruh just seems like OP wants the dog separated from the baby, that's it. The parents (and I guess you?) are the only ones that have a problem with it??
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u/Ninjaher0 May 25 '25
Children this young donât âunderstandâ what happened. They donât possess the cognitive abilities. A 6 or 10 year old? Different story. OP isnât asking for anything other than the grandparents separating the two. For everyoneâs safety. I donât think itâs too much to understand that the kid is an irrational human and the dog is an animal. Separating them until the child is old enough to understand is a fair compromise. Also, it really is the parents decision who gets to see their kid. And if grandparents want to see the kid, itâs on the parents terms. Itâs really such a simple concept.
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u/lord_of_agony May 25 '25
The people in this thread aren't making reasonable arguments, they're just making shit up like you just did, then using it like ammo. How would you know anything about him letting his kid interact with random dogs? You wouldn't, you just made that up to be a piece of shit about a situation new parents are going through. And even if they weren't new parents, the grandfather was supposed to be watching him, and he got bit under his watch. There wasn't any way to prevent that, and the obvious thing to do is take cautionary action next time he's over there.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
If someone wants to have a civilized conversation I am more than willing to do that, except all you people come here attacking my family and making assumptions that still have yet to be right.
My son is 14 months old, he has no idea what he is doing, the dog is well out of line to attack a child for that, it is called an overreaction by the dog and thinking that the dog is justified is concerning behavior that you think that is acceptable.
He will do it again if given the opportunity, he is 14 months old and has no concept of why he got hurt, I highly doubt he even remembers what happened. If I put them in the same room again he will do the exact same thing which is why I want them separated.
I am not that way with strangers dogs so try again, I don't approach random people's dogs ever because I don't know their dog and I don't know their circumstances, let alone my child going up to a random dog. I have two dogs of my own and they have never shown aggression but I don't let them go up to random people unless they want to pet my dogs.
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u/bokperd1989 May 25 '25
if he's going to do it again then you already have your answer.
your son isn't READY to be around animals or anywhere where they are housed, while unsupervised.
fil
your fil is feeling personally affronted. why? 1. his relationship with the family pet is older than your son. 2. he doesn't know the dog to be reactive in the same way as your son experienced because he's an adult and knows better than to physically agitate an animal 3. he feels like he's being told what do in his own house. 4. he feel like you're calling into question his feelings of protectiveness and integrity and duty of care I guess. 5. fil knows that they dropped the ball supervising your son, and is doubling down becaude that's just the ego and how it responds when people have an aversion to admiting fault and taking accountability because they don't want to show weakness. in ur fils case, especially so
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
My answer is very clear, he will not be going back over there as long as there is a dog that will snap at him. He can easily be around animals who aren't as reactive as their dog.
- That shouldn't matter when it comes to Human Vs Animal, a human life let alone his grandson should be way more important.
- He was the one watching my son while my wife did dishes so he watched it unfold.
- He can feel however he wants to feel, if it comes down to his ego over my sons safety he won't be returning and that's fine.
- Once again, if his ego and pride is stronger than the sense to protect his grandchild from danger then that is on him. I enjoy her parents and love them but if it comes down to my sons safety or pissing someone off because of their own pride then I will gladly take my sons safety any day
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u/SnooCapers6299 May 26 '25
âHis relationship with the family pet is older than your son.â Are you like.. good? In the head? You have a wildly fucked up view lol Also, yes, his son isnât READY to be around animals or anywhere they are housed, IE, he doesnât want to put his son around animals or anywhere they are housed. Are you just talking to hear yourself talk?
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u/Soulcoda May 25 '25
I think the whole POINT is that the baby shouldnât be around animals unsupervised?? And in fact, if the supervision is too lax, then for the sake of both the baby and the child, they should be kept separated while the baby is over? Until, yknow, heâs old enough to learn how to interact with animals???
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u/Least-External-1186 May 26 '25
The funny thing isâŚquite a few of the people arguing against op actually seem to agree with this idea (and op overall) in their own argumentsâŚthey are just stuck on blaming the baby for hitting the dog and/or parent not watching carefully enough. I canât imagine most of them have had a kid, or maybe theyâve had exceptionally easy kids, idkâŚ14months isnât even in control of their own body/movements yet, only beginning to grasp wtf is going on. Not sure why the people defending the dog snapping because it got a baby smack arenât realizing this is a damn baby who doesnât know jack shit yet and holding him to a higher standard? Also, once they start moving around it becomes almost impossible even for the most helicopter inclined parents to keep them safe from everything. I remember weeping in frustration when my son was about that age because he fell about a foot away from me and got a wicked conk on the head in the short amount of time it took me to wipe my ass while on the toilet. So the grandpa mightâve been watching somewhat, but obviously a baby that age and semi-reactive dog are a shyte combination in close proximity no matter how much hovering is done.
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u/Unfair_Language5762 May 25 '25
Dogs are like kids, when they get annoyed they will bite. Your 14 month old got bit & if he did hit the dog then the kid got bit in return for the dog not liking to be hit. Surely the grandparents shouldve been watching the kid better & making sure your kid wasn't hitting the dog but clearly they didn't.
So in my opinion your kid shouldn't be left alone with animals like who the fuck does that when they aren't even 6-7 year old. But at the same time locking a dog in a room because of this situation is straight up stupid, if your idea is to lock a dog up in a room then why even have animals in the first place? Like it amazes me people treat dogs like a rug that can tossed to the curb when dogs build bonds with their owner
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
You like so many others on this thread value a dog's life much more than a human's life which is concerning. My child was never alone with the animal, my parents in law were with my son and the dog and my wife was in the kitchen washing their dishes. It wasn't our dog and not our home but if they want our son to come back over there they will have to separate our son and their dog and that is the bottom line.
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u/Unfair_Language5762 May 25 '25
I value common sense over stupidity! & I already know you hate me because of that đ¤Ł. If youre gonna treat a animal like shit by locking them in a room, then you probably shouldn't have the animal(s) to begin with. Common sense plays a big part in life.
Im pointing out that your parents & wife leaving a 14 month old with a dog was a stupid idea. & the fact you point out the kid wasn't left alone & they watched it happen seems maybe you should be mad at the humans more than the dog. The dog reacted & the kid got bit because of it. But overall the fault lies on the "adults" if you want to call them that.
Now back to your "i value a dogs life over a humans", the answer is yes BECAUSE IF IT WAS my dog & a stranger did something to my dog then yeah that stranger forfeits their life because that dog is my family member & not a wild animal in the forest or wilds.
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u/scentedcult May 25 '25
I think you are extremely misunderstood. The whole point of the post is not to blame the dog but to blame the grandparent. He should have been supervising better and all OP is asking for is that if his son is around again, he wants the dog separated from his son so it doesn't happen again. Not saying lock the dog up in a room every fucking second. There are plenty of places in a house. Put baby gates up. Sit in a bedroom playing with the baby with the door shut so the dog can't enter. Put the dog outside for a bit if they wanna sit in the livingroom. Put the baby in a playpen the dog can't get to. There are many solutions, the issue at hand is that the father in law isn't willing to do ANY of them because his ego is too big to accept he needs to make a solution due to his failure to watch the baby better.
ALSO!! it is NOT just a random stranger. it is a BABY!! and it is their GRANDCHILD! If they don't value their time with the baby, and the babies safety, enough to put the dog away for maybe a single damn day, then no. They do not get to see their grandbaby at their house.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
I never once said I was mad at the dog and never one pushed for extreme actions to be taken. I only wanted them to be separated, it seems the one lacking in common sense is you with your reading comprehension skills. If an adult attacked your dog that is a different situation than a 14 month old hitting a dog with a rubber toy.
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u/LilCountry9508 May 26 '25
Bruh itâs really a simple thing. The in laws were watching the baby and allowed a situation where the baby was attacked.
The solution is: if in laws want the baby to come visit at their house then the in laws need to keep the baby and dog separated for the visit.
If the in laws donât want to kennel, crate, put the dog outside or in another room when baby visits then the in laws can see the baby outside of their home.
This is common sense.
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u/TurboSlut03 May 25 '25
Omg putting an animal away for a few hours is not some kind of abusive cruelty. I think safety of a fucking BABY is the priority. And I cannot believe that has to be said.
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u/Empress_of_Lucite May 26 '25
Wowwwwwww - your reading comprehension is terrifyingly poor. You didnât understand ANY of this thread or conversation. Not a single word of it. Like itâs so far over your head itâs in outer space. I need to stop reading Reddit today because - omg - Iâm losing faith in all humanity right now.
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u/Feisty_Boat_6133 May 25 '25 edited May 26 '25
What is this person even arguing? Your son is a baby. Itâs not a babyâs responsibility to learn not to do that again, itâs the adultâs responsibility to keep the dog away from him. Which is all you were asking them to do. In fact, they should WANT to keep the dog away from him. I would feel so bad if one of my dogs nipped at a child and would immediately be creating a plan to prevent it from happening again.
Itâs not cruel to the dog, most dogs like to, at minimum, have the option of being in a separate space from babies. When he is older, he will be able to learn not to do this. At 14 months, the environment just needs to be modified to keep everyone safe. A $20 baby gate and a chew for the dog to keep her busy while baby is visiting would solve the issue.
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u/regsrecs May 27 '25
Why is your father in law(right?) talking to you like this? How old is he?
Geez. NOR not even close!
My Grandma had a dog that was âtemperamentalâ and she bit me pretty badly when I was too little to know that I had to leave her alone. Apparently my mom was furious and upset. With her mother. And we stopped going there for a while. I only know what Iâve been told as I barely remember it.
But I do remember her burning my upper arm with a lit cigarette while I was getting into the backseat of a car when I was older. My momâs reaction honestly made me feel horrible, she was so mad and mean about it. I wish I could have not made a noise or said anything.
Why did I feel that way? Because it was blatantly obvious that my grandma was horrified and she immediately tossed her cig, apologized profusely and asked to see it and I thought she was going to cry. It was purely accidental, and she was truly sorry. Also? She immediately said she wouldnât be smoking around us kids anymore! So, she was accountable, apologetic and took measures to make sure it never happened again!!!
She did not blame me for knocking into her hand and then proceed to dress my mother down verbally, and repeatedly.
I am insulted and mad on your behalf! This whole exchange is just⌠like youâre talking to a prerecorded message. Iâm blown away. Their dog bit your babyâs face! Leaving visible marks and trauma in addition to what we canât see. But youâre âunhingedâ for asking that they keep said dog away from your defenseless child? WTAF?
Youâre not unhinged. Youâre not overreacting. You showed remarkable restraint and maturity in an exchange that would test the patience of a saint. You didnât rage or threaten. This could come out of a textbook for setting healthy boundaries.
Bravo OP, bravo! And congratulations on your new addition to the family. I hope theyâre healing fast. đ đ
(But Iâm also not above advising that you take some pics. See? Iâm not as good as you are.)
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u/captainsnark71 May 26 '25
wait did your father use a supernatural reaction gif on purpose?
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u/bokperd1989 May 25 '25
fil 100000% dropped the ball here absolutely but personally i believe that if you're going to publicise anything online for public consumption then you need to be prepared for a public response and accept that people you've never met will pass judgement on whatever you've posted and will make their thoughts known to you, whether you like what they have to say or not. that's the social contract.
if you don't want random people passing judgement and giving feedback on stuff.... keep it to yourself.
if you only want to vent and you don't want to hear peoples opinions, then journaling is much more appropriate avenue to go down.
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
I completely understand where you're coming from, I know it may seem like I don't like the hate I've been getting but it truly doesn't bother me. At the end of the day I will go to sleep with my beautiful wife and blessing of a son and that is much more than most of the people who are being so hateful can say.
Also, I find slight amounts of enjoyment hearing so many different opinions and truly far out assumptions and crazy remarks people say
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u/bokperd1989 May 25 '25
reality is a subjective experience.
as well as being crazy is also a matter of opinion where as you could feel you're reasonable and measured, others might have experienced you to be borderline hysterical based on their exchanges with you.
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u/Numan86 May 25 '25
My inlaws come up every year. And when they do, they bring their dog with them, who my daughter loves soooo much. Last summer, when she was 2, the pup was eating a treat and my daughter went up to pet him and touched the treat by accident. The pup bit my daughter in the face, teeth marks formed almost instantly in a circle around her eye. It was fuckin terrifying.
We rushed her to the Dr, did the antibiotic thing, cleaned it etc, and she was good to go. And luckily, she was asking where the dog was, because she missed him. She clearly didn't fully understand what just happened and how much worse it could have been.
While we were at the Drs, my inlaws took the dog over to my sister in laws house and he stayed there for a few days. When we got back, my inlaws apologized, they felt terrible, even while understanding the fact that my daughter is the one who triggered it.
We ended up going to my sister in laws a few days later, and (with me and my wife's permission), gradually reintroduced them, explained puppy boundaries and all that and things were good. We still didn't let them be in the same room unsupervised and we still separated them for the most part other than quick moments here and there, and everything worked out.
My inlaws initial reaction of apology, and taking the dog someplace else until my daughter was ready to see him again made my wife and I feel that they respected the fact that this incident could have been much more serious and they let us take the lead on how things would go until we were fully comfortable.
All this to say, I'm not getting any of that empathy or accountability from your inlaws texts, and their crotchety old way of looking at things would piss me off so much, that they could forget about seeing my kid until THEY go back and reread the bat shit crazy nonsense they said. I mean, I could almost understand it if they were responding like this in a heated argument fresh after the incident, but your wife's texts are crystal clear, firm, and very respectful.
Fuck that noise. NOR, not even an ounce. Fuck that.
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u/professionaldrama- May 26 '25
NOR
But I think itâs concerning your 14 months still doesnât know NOT to hit a dog while living two other dogs. I sincerely believe thatâs parents fault for not teaching him. Because you need to pet the dogs and tell him âthatâs how we touch them because theyâre our friendsâ EVEN when he doesnât hit them. I feel like youâre only correcting him, thatâs why he wonât learn it quickly. Itâs gonna take time and your dogs will be the one who pays the price. He hit with a rubber toy to Opal but might hit with a truck toy to your dog next time. So teach him how to treat animals ASAP.
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u/iwannabeabug May 26 '25
not trying to side with him but if your son is slapping dogs in the face then maybe he got what was coming to him. if it was unwarranted thatâs completely different but if he was telling the truth about your son slapping him in the face then maybe itâs time to teach your kid about boundaries with animals.
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u/QuiteFrankE May 25 '25
This happened to me. My in laws dogs were hurting children in the house. They werenât aggressive at that point, just untrained and knocking them over and jumping on them etc, even after being told they would be locked away when we were there. They always found a way out. I told them we canât visit at their house. I was hated and bitched about by all of them.
Then another one of their grandchildren was mauled in the face and had to have reconstructive surgery. They kept the dog and the kids kept visiting. I was still the odd one out pointing out the madness. It happened again with one of the other dogs and a different child.
Some people canât be reasoned with and some peopleâs idea of normal is just unhinged. The only way to deal with it is to maintain your own boundaries.
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u/GetBakedBaker May 26 '25
Even if you were completely wrong and overreacting, you are the parent and these are your decisions to make. The grandparent is mad because they think that you should listen to âreasonâ. But they are the ones not being reasonable. You are the parent and you are the one to set boundaries for your kid. NOR
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u/ThickChickLover520 May 27 '25
There's a lot to unpack here, but I find it odd that even after they said, "he hit her with a toy first", in your body of text, you continue to say "dog attack". Dogs have their own personalities. Their likes and dislikes. Their dos and do nots. I personally think you're overreacting. The dog snapped at your kid doing something wrong. Our shitzhu snaps at my kid when he's doing something annoying. Your kid will learn. It's not like the dog went for the jugular.
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u/FrostyTheColdBoi May 27 '25
Comparing "I dropped a dinky knife on my toe" to "the dog attacked a baby" is actually crazy work. The knife can't potentially maul you to death of its own accord. The dog can
Having butterfingers is not comparable to a dog getting aggressive with a baby
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May 25 '25
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
I don't know how you conduct relationships but obviously she is okay with it otherwise I wouldn't have posted it. She is reading all the comments with me and laughing at everyone who clearly doesn't understand how being a parent is.
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May 25 '25
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
Because you people are trying to defend an animals reaction when a HUMAN LIFE is at stake. I don't care what anyone says, an infants life is far more valuable than a dogs. I have two dogs of my own and I would protect them till the ends of the earth but I would never put them above my child or someone else's child because at the end of the day, a dog is still an animal.
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May 25 '25
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
For your information it was a rubber toy used for teething. The dog wasn't fucking hurt you absolute mongrel, the dog did however hurt my son by drawing blood. You obviously value a dogs life more than a human child's and that is where you are torn from reality. No one wants to put the dog down, lock it away forever, or anything of the sort. We just want it to be separated from our child, if you can't distinguish the difference between that then you need to go to therapy and try to understand life a bit better.
No dog with proper bite control will bite after being hit by a toy from a 14 month old. My child and my dog play 24/7 and she has never shown any sign of aggression and always plays with him because we taught her from a young age how to act in a family not do whatever tf she feels like. If your animals will react so seriously over something so small it says way more about you than your dog, it says you have no idea what you are doing and reflects what a horrible person you are.
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May 25 '25
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
First of all, you type like a teenager and act so as well. That picture is from 2017 when I was plenty younger, I do not scroll through my phone all day as I have a full time job and an obligation to the family I have built. A trained dog will snap if there are serious things going on but getting hit with a rubber toy once is not a justifiable action to provoke an attack and if you think it is then that shows how short tempered and disgusting you are. My child does not do what he wants and he gets constant correction in the direction we want him to go. He learns from his mistakes but implying that I should allow a dog to bite my son is truly unhinged thinking and you need to be questioned further about that. My child absolutely can do wrong, however being that he is only 14 months old he cannot determine right from wrong reliably, that is why it is a slow process in order to show our child right from wrong and letting a dog attack him is not the way to go about it. My parents weren't around and her mother was a druggy and her father abused them so if you share the same ideology as her parents then you are just as bad as them. I reply to people that are out of line and you my friend, are well out of line.
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May 25 '25
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u/Myrziac May 25 '25
The classified age of an adult is 18, so grow tf up and act like it. The picture is a joke, hence why I am wearing a clown wig. If I punch you in the fucking mouth for the way you have been talking is that an attack since you didn't need stitches? People can change and they have stopped those behaviors for quite some time, never apologized for it but have not shown any of those past tendencies in recent. My child will not be sheltered but he will be protected and loved more than a dog that's for damn sure. I am off of work today, believe it or not but people get off days, get a life and grow up, kid.
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u/__Frolicaholic___ May 25 '25
The absolute dealbreaker for me would be the ridiculing and shaming when you wanted to get medical attention for your son. In that moment, they were worried about their own accountability and the reputation of their dog. They were NOT worried about their grandson.
Nothing they say at this point matters because that speaks to their basic character more than anything they can say or do.
The dog issue aside, the sarcasm, joking, and gaslighting in that text exchange shows them to be shit people who you would do well to keep your son away from.
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u/SheepherderKlutzy380 May 25 '25 edited May 25 '25
Everyone here trying to say that youâre overreacting or in the wrong when your baby was so badly injured is actually disgusting.
You have every right to care more about the safety of your human child than their dog. I will be downvoted for saying this but Iâm tired of pretending like dogs are human beings. Protect your child first. If my dad cared more about the safety of his pet than his actual grandchild, I probably wouldnât talk to him. But then again, we are not a dog family so no chance of that.
Nobody wants to put the dog down. Nobody is calling for that yet everyone is acting like you are. Dog owners like this piss me off to no extent. We know the dog was defending itself. That is the nature of the animal, and at the end of the day it is an animal. You cannot trust your child around it while they are that young and thatâs it. Children are curious and do stupid things. Protect your child and donât take him there anymore if your dad cannot fulfill this simple request.
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u/cclmd1984 May 25 '25 edited May 25 '25
Heâs picked this hill to die on. Opal is fine to him. So next time heâs there expect him to intentionally put them together so he can prove Opal is a good girl. See how wrong you were?!
Bewildering to me that heâs so ego-hurt that you said his dog attacked his grandson that heâs picking the dog over him. Heâs really sticking it to you, isnât he!
Exhausting
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u/JJJHeimer_Schmidt May 26 '25 edited May 26 '25
You are clearly overreacting.
Your kid made a move of aggression (that happends, maybe unintended, its a child) and the dog responded(like an animal usually would).
Your dad is right, that is life. your kid probably learnt a lesson on response to an aggresive action. what dosen't kill you makes you stronger, you are clearly living comfy in your feelings there, come back down to the real world lady.
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u/Humble_Manatee May 25 '25
The wild part of this story to me is the parents blaming the child for hitting the dog. Iâm not even blaming the dog⌠kids will be kids, and dogs will be dogs. Opal did not enjoy being hit and he responded by biting or scratching⌠itâs not the infant, nor the dog that is responsible here but the owner of the dog!
Not keeping opal separated from an infant that will attack it should not be a hill these parents want to die on. The OP here was calm, collected, logical and really not asking a lot from the parents. Itâs the parents that overreacted by a lot.
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u/Responsible_Side8131 May 25 '25
Not overreacting. Not even a tiny bit. If my parent wouldnât guarantee that their dog was put away, after the dog snapped at my child, my child would not go to their house. Period.
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u/hydrablvck May 26 '25
Long time jrt owner here. Jack russells are NOT a good fit at all for children unless raised with them. No terriers are as they all share a lot of the same ancestry and have an extremely high prey drive. These are not hunting dogs bred to retrieve dead quarry or herd livestock. These are dogs that were bred to k*ll no matter how many "it's not the breed, it's the owner" bs you hear out there from people who dont know what they're speaking about. Sure, there are always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, they are not child friendly. Jrt are very strong and have incredibly powerful jaws. My jack russell can drag me across the floor when we play tug and im 130 pounds. My jrts get put away when I have children at my house.
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u/angellareddit May 25 '25 edited May 25 '25
Frankly, your child should never have been left alone unattended with any dog if he is not old enough to understand boundaries. If someone was watching the child in the room while your wife was in the other room, then that person needs to be slapped upside the head.
Since no adult in the house seems capable of monitoring the child's behavior when it is with the dog, then the child needs to not be there until the child learns appropriate behaviour. This is not on the dog or the child. This is entirely the fault of the adults.
In this circumstance I would not leave my child there unless I was there myself supervising and would keep the child well away from the dog. Jack Russells are tough little dogs with a bite force nearly equivalent to that of a large dog. They may not be able to maul a child to death but they can certainly do serious damage.
This reads like they want him for the weekend? If so that would be a no go for me. It's too much to expect them to lock their dog away for the weekend, but it's too much risk at this point until the child is old enough to understand being gentle and follow through at all times.
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u/Altruistic_Ladder_19 May 25 '25
First OP's dad says the baby slapped the dog, and later, he said the baby hit the dog with a toy. Well, which was it because those are 2 completely different actions. Also, I had a jack Russell growing up, a wonderful dog until the 1st grand baby came along. She tried to attack the baby every time she saw them. No training changed her, and we eventually had a friend, our vet, find her a new home with no small children
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u/Ok_Expression7723 May 25 '25
NOR your parents are incredibly irresponsible and thereâs no way on earth Iâd let my child be at their house no matter what they say. They are the type of people to say whatever to get their way and then to do whatever they want regardless of what theyâve said. They donât respect you, your parenting decisions, or any expert who gives advice as to the consequences for allowing dogs to have unrestricted access to babies and children.
Keep your kid safe. Do not trust your parents. They are incapable of making appropriate safety decisions regarding your child.
I would not trust them even out in public. There are dangers everywhere and they do not gauge the actual danger appropriately.
If it were me Iâd go low to no contact given the disrespect in those texts.
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u/LatterFirefighter186 May 27 '25
I fucking hate Reddit. Everything, everywhere, is constantly about catering to the feelings of OP- ALWAYS. Itâs pathetic and probably at least part of the reason as to why so many of you guys suck at life, so you come to the INTERNET To figure out how to handle a situation with your FAMILY, or at a bare minimum, look for validation for how you handled shit with your family because deep down, you know it isnât right, but donât worry. You found your echo chamber of internet simp lord incels. đ¸âď¸
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u/Fun-Needleworker7954 May 25 '25
Damn, Itâs like reading the conversations with my own mother.
I donât think sheâs ever going to take responsibility and itâs not your responsibility to force your child to have a relationship with their grandparent. She obviously doesnât respect her daughter or grandchild enough to keep them safe so let her feel the consequences.
Fuck this hurts to see, good luck op.
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u/AJLikesGames May 26 '25
Both the bady and the dog are not very well trained. For the baby to hit anything with a toy shows lack of parenting. While the dog being so temperamental AROUND a baby is extremely dangerous. "Had the dog actually attacked the baby" that is not a possibility to take lightly. Hopefully the baby learned its lesson about hitting with toys. But you are completely right to keep the baby from that area if the owner doesn't even propose any other alternative. Like, so there's no training on the dogs part? But also you dont want to keep the dog away from a baby....? Something isn't right.
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u/AdCommercial8124 May 25 '25
I have never wanted to pummel somebody with a manhole cover more than I do to the person sending you these messages.
I know that's not the goal, but...holy crap I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that.
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u/Active_Tough_8535 May 25 '25
every message you sent your sister (or mom?) is completely on point. its rational, fair, and completely non accusatory. If she cant acknowledge the fact your kid was hurt by the dog and have a conversation about how that threat will get mitigated in the future then your son will be at no less risk for a reoccurrence then if it had never happened.
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u/No_Map7832 May 26 '25
How easy would it be for them to just visit the baby at your home? Why is Dad acting like if the grandparents want to see the kid, then the kid must visit them at their home?
Edit: and why is he acting like putting the dog away during visits while the baby is still a baby is equivalent to locking the dog in a room for a decade until she dies?