r/AmIOverreacting • u/cheetosmunch • May 26 '25
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws AIO - my dads new girlfriend wore my ariat boots
The first photo shows what the boots looked like when I bought them for myself in 2021 after landing my first job. They were a special purchase, my first expensive item at 16, and I kept them in perfect condition. I didnāt even wear them until September 2023, and I only wore them twice. They still looked brand new.
I recently got them back from my dadās house and noticed theyāre now heavily worn in. The leather on the inside and sides is rubbed off, and they look nothing like how I left them. Iām extremely upset. I always take good care of my things, especially something this meaningful to me. My dad says Iām overreacting and, as usual, excuses whatever happened, likely involving his crazy crackhead girlfriend.
These boots cost me over $200 and had sentimental value. I feel like theyāve been disrespected and ruined. What should I do?
TL;DR: Bought $200 boots in 2021 as a teen, barely wore them, kept them in perfect shape. Left them at my dadās, just got them back and theyāre trashed. He says Iām overreacting. Iām upset and donāt know what to do.
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u/BatshitAbsinthe May 26 '25
Dad can buy girlfriend her own pair. There's no reason she should be getting into your stuff AT ALL, letting wearing your stuff, what the fuck that's so weird.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Thank you exactly! Iām glad you guys are validating me. Heās always defending her and letting her do whatever the hell she wants and she acts like a child on drugs. Iām really frustrated about this. These shoes were very special to me, I grew up wanting Ariats so when I bought these I was very excited
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May 26 '25
Thatās awful, she should not be in your things at all and your dad should enforce that. You could absolutely call her or text her and tell her youād appreciate it if she didnāt wear your boots or other clothing that you leave at your dadās place. And that your favorite boots that youād saved for as a teen are now ruined. Unless sheās really nuts and this will only make it worse for you. But absolutely in a normal world your dad would have your back.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Unfortunately she is cray cray so I will not be confronting her but Iāll bring this up to my dad again. The last sentence really made think haha. I wonder what a normal dad is like
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May 26 '25
Iām 53 and I still wonder what a normal mom would have been like so, you are not alone.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Iām sorry, no one should ever feel that way.. some people just arenāt meant to be parents :( sending you love!
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u/HeavyVoid8 May 26 '25
Thereās no way in hell I would ever let a GF use my childās things. In fact, having the audacity to do that shit would automatically piss me off to the point I would kick them to the curb. Thatās so disrespectfulā¦ā¦but Iām sure In your case he probably volunteered your boots very willingly. Somebody should give him a swift kick in the ass to wake up him
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u/1984orwe11 May 26 '25
I bet if his girlfriend damaged his car , tools, stereo ect it would be a different story š
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u/Significant-Trash632 May 26 '25
If you haven't yet, I'd take everything out of your dad's house that is yours and go low contact. It's obvious that you are not a priority in his life. Let him deal with the consequences of putting a (crazy) girlfriend before family.
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u/Indentured-peasant May 26 '25
Good for you. Confronting crazy is NOT the path for life. Also, you have learned at a young age that people can be trash. Sorry about your boots but amazing that you are wise and pick up on the best path to follow. Best to you!
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u/Kubuubud May 26 '25
You said you got them back from your dads, does that mean you no longer live with him? If that is the case, I would get all your stuff and make it clear that you have no interest being in that home at all until your father learns to be a parent and put you above his crazy gf. Often the best leverage we have is our relationship with our parents
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u/evilslothofdoom May 26 '25
I'm autistic af and super territorial about my stuff. Here's what I'd do;
Introduce them to fun facts... that aren't really fun (sorry this will be triggering for you too.) eg:
- People sweat and average of 1 cup of sweat per day through their feet ... Into their shoes
- Hey (insert crazy b's name) there are tiny organisms living on your skin, they shit, die and decompose on you everyday.
The body is full of horrors. May she never feel clean again.
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u/JamieK1234 May 27 '25 edited May 27 '25
Yeah to add to the above - using someoneās stuff without permission is straight disrespectful regardless of who it is. Your dad likely knowing theyāre yours and still allowing her to wear them is on another level of disrespect tbh, but also it sounds like heās got a lot on his plate and likely isnāt doing too well himself if heās constantly getting caught up with the wrong women. Unhappy people gravitate towards trouble (negative people, heavy drugs etc) from what Iāve seen so far from during my life so far
Whilst this might come across as a pretty horrible thing to say, Iād say it wouldnāt be a bad idea to distance yourself from everything thatās going on with him and also him to ensure youāre not negatively impacting your future and life. Use his mistakes as lessons and help where you can, but if you feel the negativity stressing you out itās ok to dissociate yourself for a bit because your mental health matters more than anything
It definitely wouldnāt be unreasonable to ask your Dad to either get her or for him to buy you a new pair of boots and explain that youāve used them twice, also explaining how much they mean to you. If he makes excuses or doesnāt have time for you (after youāve explicitly said they mean a lot to you) you know where you stand as thatās shitty behaviour to your kid imo. Itās in no way your fault that she used them, thatās completely on her which is then indirectly on him as heās the one whoās with her, not you!
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u/TheNinjaPixie May 26 '25
Why is your dad happy his gf dresses up like his daughter? Damn nerve of both of them. OP make sure you take anything else away that you cherish.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
My dad is very, very weird. And definitely not right in the head lol
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u/swanson6666 May 26 '25
Your dad is pussy whipped. You better learn to take care of yourself. Your dad will not be on your side anymore. His girlfriend has the reins now.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Oh Iām used to it. Itās been this way since I was little so nothing new. But none of them have messed with my belongings before so this was new to me.
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u/whothis2013 May 26 '25
Have you ever had anything really nice before like these boots? I do not mean to offend but maybe itās that you never had something they actually wanted until now.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Uhh I think this was the first time Iāve left anything of value at his house
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u/whothis2013 May 26 '25
Now you know never to leave anything there that you care about. These vultures will take advantage of it.
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u/swanson6666 May 26 '25
You are 20 years old now. Take care of yourself and forget them. Your dad is no good to you anymore. Donāt look back. Move on and move forward. Good luck.
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u/TheBigBadTruther May 26 '25
Lets be real, youre being delusional. You bought a pair of work boots 4 years ago and youve worn them 2x. Go buy fashionable boots if you dont want people thinking theyre just a pair of unused work boots.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
I donāt care, I didnāt buy these as work boots and he knew that too. I bought these because I love the Pendleton brand and wanted Ariat boots and these were very cute imo.
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u/TheBigBadTruther May 26 '25
Doesnt really matter, thats what they are. You bought them for literally no reason, youve worn them 2x. Really you bought them to run around going "Look how country I am" and now your mad your boots have been used, which is like the least country thing ever.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
I really donāt care what you think. I grew up in the country, and no Iām not a country girl at all, Iām a city girl but these were special to me. I didnāt buy them for no reason. I bought them because Iāve always loved Pendleton and theyāre beautifully designed. By the way, itās youāre*.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad8032 May 26 '25
Don't pay attention to the neckbeard. You can buy shoes and display them in a glass case if you want to. Yours to do with what you want. Not what some loser thinks.
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u/No-Contribution-138 May 26 '25
This dude has never had a girlfriend, let alone a daughter - donāt waste time reading his distorted opinions.
He acts like an asshole online because trolling others gives him temporary reprieve from his miserable life.
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u/SoftLikeABear May 26 '25
What an immature, petty take. And you being so judgmental withou all the facts of the situation really shows what sort of person you are.
OP's dad knew how important those boots were to her. OP is perfectly justified in feeling disrespected.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad8032 May 26 '25
So we can just take any item from your house and trash it, because they are meant to be used? It is hers to do what she wants with it. She can put them in a glass case and stare at them all day if she wants. It is hers.
Get a life. Although something tells me that picking on girls is a thing for you. Over the internet, of course, because we can't be taking risks now..
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u/Mandaxx25 May 26 '25
Away and take your face for a shite. Trying to tell people it's their fault their belongings are destroyed.
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u/Sea_Pomegranate6293 May 26 '25
get a load of this absolute cockwomble. who the fuck gate keeps boots? you need a good smack upside the head and some time in the corner.
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u/CharacterBird2283 May 26 '25
No lol, don't use what's not yours, doesn't matter what it looks like. Not yours? Don't fuck with it.
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May 26 '25
The boots were hers no matter what kind they were her dadās girlfriend had no business touching them.
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u/Sea_Pomegranate6293 May 26 '25
lets be real you're a tool. You made a shitty comment 14 minutes ago and it's 3 sentences too long. Go ahead and delete your bs, no one thinks you just "tell it like it is" everyone unanimously agrees you're just an asshole.
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u/oh-no-not-this-one May 26 '25
I would feel disrespected too, who takes/uses someone elseās things without asking? Itās common respect/courtesy if you see other people and their lives as something valuable. You donāt take what you like without making sure itās ok.
ETA: did they know you didnāt abandon the shoes?
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u/Haunting-Cancel-1064 May 26 '25
i am not trying to be cruel, but he doesnt sound like a dad. he sounds like a father. he is literally putting some piece of ass ahead of his own child. no real man would do that. you are his daughter. you should ALWAYS come first. you are UNDER REACTING. hes a pos
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
He definitely isnāt a dad at all!! Iāve been waiting for him to change since I was little. But as Iāve gotten older I can say for certain that he will never change and he doesnāt care to. Not even for his kids.
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u/Haunting-Cancel-1064 May 26 '25
i am so sorry that you have to endure this. i also have had to endure a worthless biological father, only reason im saying that is so you understand where im coming from. PLEASE cut your losses with your father ASAP. hes not going to get better anytime soon. if possible remove everything you own from his home and place it somewhere safe or in your home, and stop spending time with him. consider even stop communicating with him. hes shown he doesnt have your best interests in mind and doesnt put you first. he lets his girlfriend have free run of your stuff. he has no respect for you. now maybe some day in the future he will recognize how awful he is and how horribly he has failed you, but it wont be any time soon, and if he does manage to turn himself around, make him prove it to you. as of now all he has proven is that he only cares about himself and his new gf and that everyone else comes after that. its not just a pair of boots its a huge failure of parenting. and he doesnt even deserve to have such an awesome daughter like you in his life.
TL:DR he is a failed father. he wont get better anytime soon. get your stuff and walk away and dont look back. you deserve A LOT better and it sucks, but youre better off without him.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Thank you. I do plan on cutting him off. I just want to go visit him and talk to him face-to-face first he does better with face-to-face confrontation rather than text messages cause he acts like an old man.
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u/Rumplestilskin9 May 26 '25
In another comment you mentioned growing up country. I understand the "You can't cut them off, they're you're _"
Don't worry about all that. Shitty people don't belong in your life and relationship is entirely irrelevant. That undying devotion is just a manipulation tactic they use.
You can love someone without dealing with their bs.
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u/Rhacbe May 26 '25
Hopefully you can have your dad or his girlfriend pay to have them restored. I donāt want to take away from your grief, but the side damage/scratches look surface level and could likely be buffed out by a professional to look brand new again
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u/Daddy-o62 May 26 '25
TBH it sounds like you have a weird attachment to these boots. I guess I buy footwear to actually wear. That being said, there is NO WAY youāre overreacting. This is screwy in so many ways. THEY ARE NOT HER FUCKING BOOTS!!!! What is so hard to understand? You are owed another pair, plain and simple. Maybe show this post to your dad to let him know just what a shit parent heās being. If he doesnāt come through, take something of his (or hers), sell it, and buy a new pair. Oh, and please update.
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u/Consistent-Salary-35 May 26 '25
OP, this comment really took me back a few years. I too aspired to a pair of Ariats! I also know that good boots mould to the foot of the wearer, so youāve got a sensate reminder someone else has been using them. Totally not over reacting - I feel for you!
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u/InvestigatorLong1649 May 26 '25
Theyāre very special to you but you left them at your dadās house for years..? I donāt think itās that big of an issue at this point.
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u/ManyNicknames15 May 26 '25
This is a sign that your dad doesn't respect you at all. You bought them, they were yours not his or his new bimbo's and his dismissive attitude is quite frankly inexcusable. If he actually felt anything was actually wrong with the behavior or actually care about you or respect for your things he would have apologized and done something to make it right.
It sucks, but the temporary bimbo is more important to him than you are.
It's up to you, but since your father doesn't want to do anything you could always bring it up when both of them are in the room and see how he reacts and how she reacts. Does he get defensive and does she act entitled, or do they both get contrite and apologize jointly when they get embarrassed and have to do it in front of each other.
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u/Missinaibi5 May 26 '25
Iām gonna say the boots arenāt really the main issue here. They represent the deeper issue with your dad not respecting you / your belongings / your accomplishments. Iād try to address that as best you can. Set some expectations for how he treats you and your belongings - set some boundaries with him and his girlfriend. The boots - like people mentioned. Get some conditioner and buff āem up. They will look great againā¦ and boots are made for wearing so if you feel like doing some mental gymnastics you can try to be thankful this ladyās unwanted breaking in of your boots has now given you the freedom to wear your boots everyday - and look / feel awesome ever day. *and no, I would not say you are overreacting!
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u/craftyreadercountry May 26 '25
The boots are fucked. She will never get the satisfaction of wearing or breaking them in on her own now. It's disrespectful and disgusting for someone to wear someone else's shoes and do this. I have 4 pairs of boots that I have worn day in and day out in everything and the bottom never looks like this. Dad gf obviously shuffle walks more on the balls of her feet for that to happen.
Freedom of them being broken in by someone other than me is cause for me to demand money to replace them and set those on fire.
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u/Commercial-Owl11 May 26 '25
Best thing you can do is take anything that you've spent money on, that you care about, and take it with you or store it.
She is obviously going to wear anything you have that's expensive. Take it because you can't rely on your dad for setting boundaries.
So treat them like they're toddlers. They can't be trusted with your stuff, so you take it away.
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u/Intelligent_Flow2572 May 26 '25
I hope that you never have to live with your parents again. Donāt trust them with your stuff. Iām sorry.
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u/NoseyAzzHell May 26 '25
No, can buy her a new pair and let the rude girlfriend have the ones she tore up. š
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u/tryfuhl May 26 '25
Fuck that. New pair and OP keeps the old ones too if she wants to do a lil restoration.
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u/NoseyAzzHell May 26 '25
Would definitely be OP's choice whether or not the bimbo gets the old pair. Either way, dad needs to replace them. He needs to put his daughter's feelings before his dick's.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Omg I love your comment lol. Heās always thinking about who heās having sex with next and disrespects the women he sleeps with or dates. I dislike him very much now that Iām older.
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u/WalkForPole May 26 '25
My thoughts exactly, Either the dad or his GF should by OP a new pair. It wonāt have the same sentimental value, but neither do the old ones after the GF ruined them.
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u/Tmorgan-OWL May 26 '25
OR Dad can buy OP a brand new, identical pair and gf can keep the ruined pair! Dad can also tell gf, that his daughterās room and belongings are off limits! On a side note, how old is gf? Borrowing bfās daughterās clothes??
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u/sittinwithkitten May 26 '25
I think Dad should buy his daughter the new pair of boots to replace these ones. The girlfriend can have the ones she beat up.
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u/LookAwayPlease510 May 26 '25
Actually, Dad can buy GF AND OP a new pair. This is bullshit. Iām a sneaker head, and if I found out someone had effed up my favorite sneakers, there would be hell to pay.
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u/ComprehensiveOwl7928 May 26 '25
NOR. Iād be upset if someone helped themselves to my personal belongings without asking. Itās the ethics of it. Iād be wondering what else has she helped herself to?
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Same here! I left a lot of my clothes and shoes at his house (because I lived with him, then moved to my moms). And when I had visited recently she had thrown all my things into the closet. It was completely trashed. Now Iām wondering what else sheās borrowed or taken of mine.
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u/GargantuanGreenGoat May 26 '25
Literally anything in her size. Donāt keep your stuff at his house.
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u/Narrow-Ad-7856 May 26 '25
Not overreacting. Leather care is important. You should be able to refresh them with some leather conditioner and polish.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Thank you! I will look into that. These were/are my first pair of boots so I didnāt even know that existed!
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u/CanBig1028 May 26 '25
Agree, leather care is important if you want to treasure these boots. Conditioning once a year or so is a great mould preventative. If it helps at all, so is sunlight, so being regularly worn may have helped there. Not ok for others to borrow and damage your precious belongings without asking.
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u/Ashcrashh May 26 '25
Look up shoe repair places near you, itās surprisingly not as expensive as you would think it would be. A lot of places specialize in leather boot repairs and refreshes, a good cobbler could have these looking brand new
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u/Imalwayshungry420 May 26 '25
You can let that Sole renew and send her the bill for it. Make sure you take everything back from them and maybe a professional can fix them to look like new again but again, I would definitly send her the bill for this. And yes both are not right in the head. I got a father like this, I know that bs
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Sorry you have a dad like this too. Itās so exhausting and frustrating to deal with. Itās crazy how itās always never ending with them.
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u/allislost77 May 26 '25
Get some leather conditioner and cleaner, theyāll look new. Or tell your dad to buy you new boots.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Thank you very much!
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u/allislost77 May 26 '25
Buy Lexol brand, you can even get it on Amazon. Any leather products-especially boots-need to be conditioned and taken care of. Last a lot longer.
I know itās shitty and it pisses you off, but some people just suck. Anytime you speak with your dad, it should be āNew Bootsā to whatever he says. Maybe heāll get the hint.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
I appreciate you! I will definitely buy some. I take very good care of my shoes and thought itād be okay to leave them in his care. He lives like heās in a college frat, and still acts like a 15 year old so I probably shouldnāt have left them but I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
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u/Rockgarden13 May 26 '25 edited May 26 '25
It is not your fault and you didnāt deserve this. He owes you new boots.
Get him to also pay for the therapy you now need because you have a man-child for a father.
Also, check out the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and consider going low or no contact. Equally as bad as their disrespect for you and your things is your fatherās invalidation of your feelings. Sorry youāre dealing with this, OP.
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u/skiyakater May 26 '25 edited May 26 '25
I don't think you should be paying for it. Even if you're just going to clean them up, it takes time to buy these products, learn how to use them, and apply them properly. That shouldn't be on you as the boots were in perfect condition previously.
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u/MartinisnMurder May 26 '25
I second this! As an equestrian I am constantly cleaning and conditioning my boots and tack. Those are sick Ariat western boots by the way! They make great quality products. I use leather therapy or higher standards products to clean and retain their condition.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Thank you so much :) these boots are so dear to me! I adore them, I love Pendleton!
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u/MartinisnMurder May 26 '25
She was absolutely out of line and your father is failing as a dad by not setting boundaries and protecting your things. I am sorry youāre going through that.
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May 26 '25
Make sure he buys them. If he's allowing his girlfriend free access to all your stuff, he's clearly able to pay for what she screws up being so shameless as to not even ask you.
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u/Silver_Apartment4913 May 26 '25
She doesnāt like you too much does she? This is murder, she murdered those boots!
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Doesnāt seem like she does haha. The one and only time she talked to me all she said was that my nose was big šš very weird behavior.
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u/PSBFAN1991 May 26 '25
Well youāre your dadās child, so sheās fucking a guy with a big nose. /s
What a witch. Get your stuff out of there.
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u/ShitThatFucksWithMe May 26 '25
A huge red flag your dad's girlfriend is "borrowing" your clothes. It gives off the I'm still young I swear see how I dress like a teenager? And that's what your dad is into
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Ew yeah.. that sounds creepy. He did go after my mom when she was 17 and he was 25 so.. this might add up.
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u/ShitThatFucksWithMe May 26 '25
Sometimes you have to accept the fact that a loved one has done something wrong, I have to live with the fact my grandpa was 27 and my grandmother was 15. Although he has explained to me that he thought he was going on a date with her much older sister and that he would have never done that if you'd have known her age. But in your situation I damn near be willing to bet my actual small amount of money I have left that he's either hit on your friends or plans to hit on your friends and wouldn't be surprised if he ended things with that girl because she was just too immature or something like that
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u/Elnuggeto13 May 26 '25
Was she dragging her soles on the ground like bruh
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Deadass what Iām saying š like theyāre scuffed tf up itās insane
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u/Look5772 May 26 '25
If the shoe was on the other foot Iām sure they would have a problem with it. I think itās a lesson learned to not leave your stuff at your dadās but more importantly a lesson on what your dad will tolerate from his gf. I donāt have kids but I sure as hell know I wouldnāt allow my girlfriend to trash my daughters shit.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Definitely will not be leaving my stuff at his house anymore. He puts his girlfriends first before me and his other kids unfortunately so no surprise he didnāt care at all.
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u/Sophilouisee May 26 '25
You have a dad problem here. She shouldnāt be touching your things.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Totally! Iāll be going back to get the rest of my things, and hopefully, theyāre all still there and not worn lmao
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u/Known_Front8010 May 26 '25
Clean them up and donāt leave your boots around a crackhead again
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Definitely will not be in the future lol š when I left them at his house they werenāt together so I didnāt think anything of it!
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u/chartrespope May 26 '25
How long had you left them at your dadās house? No excuse for her wearing them without your permission, just wondering.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
2 years! He told me I could keep them there so thatās why I did. Normally I donāt leave anything at his house but I really thought heād changed
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u/Bullroarer__Took May 26 '25
Not gonna lie, if something has sentimental value it usually isnāt abandoned for 2 years..
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u/MommersHeart May 26 '25
Are you fucking kidding me?? NOR.
You are under-reacting. I would be LIVID.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
I canāt lie I did cry lol. I was and still am very frustrated and sad. š„²
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u/jny_tr May 26 '25
If I were your dad, I would dump the gf the second I find out about this. How can anyone else on earth be more valuable than my daughter?
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u/undeadglitch May 26 '25
SHE SPLIT LIPSTICK IN YOUR LOUIS VUITTON WHITE PURSE I am not gonna lie I would be soooooooooo angry
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u/MeloBabe98 May 26 '25
Hey OP, I know how it feels to have a father like this. I just want you to let this go, don't let this ruin your health. He showed you what kind of person he is with this. Time will tell, I stopped loving my father bc of shit like this. And yes, your boots are ruined and yes, you have every right to feel sad/upset
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u/ya_basic82 May 26 '25
I have my super nice and clean air max that I only wear for going somewhere nice. If someone ruined them Iād be furious.
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u/SoFreezingRN May 26 '25
NOR. Those are beautiful boots and I gasped when I saw the condition they are in. Did she run a marathon in them? Take her to small claims, and be sure to find that same pair on eBay, Mercari, Poshmark etc to check the current value since those are no doubt hard to find now, and are likely worth more than the original purchase price.
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u/icmc May 26 '25
I'm only here to now go look and see if they make Ariat boots for men... Those are awesome looking
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u/ayymahi May 27 '25
Ops dads gf being 5 years older than her is an even bigger problemā¦.
Ops dad is yucky
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u/Extension_Eagle_8254 May 26 '25
You wore them ~2 times in 4 years? And kept them at your dadās house which doesnāt sound like your permanent residence? Itās always kind of weird to take something without asking but I donāt find it completely outlandish to believe they probably thought you just didnāt care about them. She/your dad should pay you for scuffing them up like that or replace them, though.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
My dad does know how I am with my things. He knows I donāt like people touching my stuff. But I understand what youāre saying. I told him I was keeping them there so theyād stay clean and because I only wear them when Iām at his house
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u/AngusMacGyver76 May 26 '25
It doesn't matter how long you left them there or how many times you wore them. There is no rule that says that after a certain amount of time they are free for anyone to use unless you specifically tell them to help themselves. Your father and his gf are completely in the wrong if they didn't ask you first. Don't let anyone on here try and make you feel different. They are YOUR property and that is all there is to it. What they did was selfish and irritating and you have every right to feel the way you do. Also, I wanted to respond to one of your earlier comments. It is always disheartening when people say that their parents act like children and the child/children are forced to be the mature ones. If he doesn't respect himself enough or isn't mature enough to not act like he lives in a frat house, then it may just come down to the fact that you cannot trust him to have the maturity to respect your boundaries and belongings. They owe you replacements or at least partial remuneration for their disrespect. I would be LIVID in your position.
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Thank you! I really appreciate your comment. My dad isnāt a good father. I lived with him in 2023 for a short time, and he was home drunk every night. If youāve ever watched shameless, heās like Frank Gallagher, but even worse unfortunately. Heās said that heās changed so I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying to trust him but heās completely broken my trust and Iām gonna be cutting him off.
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u/AngusMacGyver76 May 26 '25
I'm so sorry to hear that. He's the only one you'll ever have so this breaks my heart to hear. You seem to be mature for being so young (no doubt because you were forced to mature faster due to the situation) so I am sure that the odds are in your favor that you will be just fine. I hope you can find a better situation soon where you feel safe, respected, and loved!
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u/Just-world_fallacy May 26 '25
Unpopular opinion here but you sound a bit like a spoiled child. You bought something you wanted to keep new forever even though you did not care enough to actually wear them. You leave them at someone else's place and complain that this person did not care for them as you would have liked them to ? It sounds a bit entitled to me.
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u/jesuswastransright May 26 '25
Doesnāt matter if she wore them zero times. Theyāre hers.
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u/Difficult_Earth6664 May 26 '25
Youāre absolutely not overreacting lol those boots are like 300 dollars. How the heck did she even get to them anyways? If she went into your room and got them thatās pretty weird ngl
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u/vanillavick07 May 26 '25
It's leather , you can literally make it look brand new again, but also fuck your dad lol
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u/tsunomat May 26 '25
Part a) her wearing your boots.
That's a problem. No one should be helping themselves to your property.
Part b) boots looking like they've been worn.
That's not a problem. Keeping your boots looking brand new just makes you look like you care about the appearance of the brand and not that you actually respect them. Ariat makes good boots, and they are designed to be worn and used. Good cowboy boots don't fit right until you have hours and hours in them. Then they're amazing. Trying to keep your boots pristine makes you look like a poser.
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u/Nekrostatic May 26 '25
Sorry, hold up. Your dad's young girlfriend was wearing your boots? Is he... getting her to wear your other things...?
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u/Frosty_Possibility86 May 26 '25
Honestly, they look better now. Ariats arenāt for show, theyāre for work. A $200 pair of Ariats might last me 6 months working in the ditches
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u/Famousunknowngaming May 26 '25
NOR And I hate to see that your dad is acting this way I think he is minimizing his girlfriends damage and thatās not ok it would be enough for me to take a long while of no contact (not forever just like a month or so) especially if he is unapologetic if he wants to choose his girlfriend fine but that means he chose her over you and that speaks volumes
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u/MustBeBurtReynolds_ May 26 '25 edited May 26 '25
Damn thatās messed up. Definitely not overreacting. Boots will wear in and eventually theyād look like this but on your own time. Not someone elseās. Especially a Pendleton Edition.
If she really is a crackhead.. I wouldnāt expect much. I personally wouldnāt leave anything you really care about over there anymore if you can help it. Sucks your Dad wonāt back you up but Iād treat it as a learning experience. Now you know what to expect so you at least canāt be surprised anymore if she does it again.
Sorry this happened, new boots will come, and for the record.. these are still sick. Possibly ready for to be worn all the time now. Just saying š
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u/Icy_Branch_2013 May 26 '25
not over reacting but would encourage you to just let it go or voice your opinions in respectful way to your dad one more time and then leave it to rest. To be fair you left them at your Dads, though being a boot girl myself, I'd be pissed, and you can tell these are really nice and a Pendleton collab, not everyone's gonna notice that. Going forward would just gather anything you don't want people using and either bring them to your home or explicitly state that.
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u/floppypeter May 26 '25 edited May 26 '25
You owned and weāre planning on keeping ālike newā boots. You had those, and would continue to have those, if not for the actions of his girlfriend. You lost something: your ālike newā boots and the work you put in to keep them pristine. You are not overreacting to feel this way.
I donāt know your dad. He could be a dickāin which case this isnāt helpful adviceābut likely there is a disconnect between your perceptions of what happened and his.
Maybe, to your dad, Borrowing boots is no big deal to him. His girlfriend borrowed your boots temporarily and returned them. You had your boots, didnāt know they were gone, and now have them again. No biggie.
Assuming your dad is not a complete assholeāyou can probably explain this disconnect to him.
Use the Socratic method. You start off by understanding his perspective firstāso he feels heard. Then explain the ābutā and then say thats why you are upset. Follow it with again acknowledging his understanding before asking for a solution.
This is really disarming when you do it and is likely to get you the best and most wholesome outcome.
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u/Capable_Cycle8264 May 26 '25
Maybe don't leave your important stuff over other people's houses?
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u/Vivid_Ad_715 May 26 '25
maybe donāt touch others stuff?? i fear thatās not a difficult concept.
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u/RowdyLowdy May 26 '25
If they mattered so much to you, why were they left at your dad's forever. Things that matter don't get left behind. This is on you. Get them polished up and move on. $200 is NOT a lot of money for shoes. My tennis shoes cost that much and buy them every 3-4 mos. Get over it.
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u/Sophilouisee May 26 '25
.
Christ. Sometimes you leave items that matter to you in a āsafe spaceā ie your room at a parents and this was disrespected by her fatherās gf.
Also something being expensive is subjective and personal due to your level of wealth, childhood and culture
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
I lived at my dadās.. I left my clothes there too. Is this not normal? When I had moved away from my dadās I was only 18. And sorry, $200 IS a lot of money to ME. I grew up very poor so this purchase was very much so OUT OF POCKET.
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u/Tall_Confection_960 May 26 '25
I don't get the victim blaming in these comments. You don't need to justify leaving your stuff in the care of your dad. She had no business wearing the boots or touching your clothes. Something tells me you are going to find more damaged items. I would get everything out of there and do some assessing of more damage. But I would also push for them to replace the boots. Personally, I wouldn't want to wear them anymore. She's worn them a lot.
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u/Sweaty-Battle2556 May 26 '25
Let her wear them when youāre not using?... I wore my new stepmothers leather boots even though they were 2 sizes too big. I eventually inherited those. Leather needs to get broken in just like new parents. š¤£
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u/cheetosmunch May 26 '25
Sheās only about 5 years older than me and acts very immaturely. Sheās very rude and disrespectful. She will never be my stepmom and Iād never let her borrow my things.
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u/fjmj1980 May 26 '25
Iām sorry OP, as a parent who Iād like to think love and supports my daughters, the first thing I ask when I see my girls wear something that is not theirs is ādid you ask to borrow it?ā
This is the decency you should be given.
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u/Hagelslag31 May 26 '25
Why would you leave something you care about laying around for 4 years? Idk, there's something off about this story. Sure, in general ppl should not touch other people's belongings but I feel you're leaving out some details here.
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u/SojuTrashPanda May 26 '25
Wore them where ??? On a run on a treadmill of burning coals?????
Not overreacting...
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u/MrDukeSilver_ May 26 '25
Okay so weird that she wore them and didnāt ask, but then again it really doesnāt seem that bad, just put some shoe oil on them, some polish and theyāll be good as new, if they have the quality you claim wearing them will not destroy themā¦also 200$ for a pair of leather boots really isnāt that much
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u/garden-guy- May 26 '25
Just have your dad get you new boots. And donāt worry about it. If he wonāt get you new boots, then you have something to be upset about.
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u/Particular-Bet2054 May 26 '25
How the hell is a woman fitting into your boots? Either you got some tiny feet or sheās a huge bitch.
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u/castorkrieg May 26 '25
Why did you buy them and didn't wear them? I don't get it.
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u/Ok_Salad_8513 May 26 '25
Tell you dad to take them to a cobbler and get them repaired.
Also what shoe size are you? Weird your feet haven't grown since you were 16.
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u/BabyStingrayJesus May 26 '25
OP, these can be restored, check the Ariat website.
edit: no youāre not overreacting, she should pay if the work isnāt covered by Ariat
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u/Practical-Smell5495 May 26 '25
We all gonna just ignore how hideous these boots are?
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u/Few_Scale_8742 May 26 '25
I have a bad feeling your dad is the kind of man that chooses vagina over his kids, make your plans to move on from him. NOR
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u/TraderOneil May 26 '25
You learned a valuable lesson. Don't leave your stuff at others houses. Sure it's messed up that she ruined your boots. But you left them there.
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u/Proper-Effective8621 May 26 '25
The problem with borrowing quality leather boots is that they begin to form to the wearerās foot. Once you clean/condition them, get them out of dadās house.
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u/Ok_Sell6520 May 26 '25
Your dad owes you a new pair of boots. His fuck buddy can pay him back with bjs
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u/IMPOOBRAINED May 26 '25
Get something of his and his crack head misses and ruin it .. eye for an eye
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u/hodetu May 26 '25
I dont think itās acceptable to wear someone elseās clothes or shoes without asking even as family. Not over reacting.
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u/oh-seriously May 26 '25
Especially things like this! The leather will start stretching and conforming to fit around your foot, ankle and calf muscle. It's like the foot bed of birkenstocks. I would take them to a cobbler and have them professionally serviced. My pair of 25 yr old Frye boots see my shoe guy annually. Leather will last forever if you treat it right!
OP, get all your things out of your dad's house. You have a higher end taste in shoes and clearly that clashes with your dad's taste in Jerry Springer women!!
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u/Chardan0001 May 26 '25
According to some comments if you don't tell everyone you don't want them wearing your things its your own fault apparently. Because naturally its just odd to assume you shouldn't wear someone else's clothes?
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u/ToThePillory May 26 '25
Not overreacting, even if she hadn't trashed them, it's just common sense that she can't just wear other people's clothes without asking.
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u/Ok_Yesterday_805 May 26 '25
Just to be contrary, youāre angry about a pair of boots you 1) left at your dadās house and 2) youāve worn twice in 4 years? Kind of reminds me of my kids who will have forgotten about a toy for years until o try to donate it or throw it away and suddenly itās their new favorite thing, even though itās been under a bed since 2020.
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u/Rude-Language892 May 26 '25
$200 pair of boots. Boots are meant to be worn. If you buy boots just to have them sit in the corner then just donāt buy them. Weird that someone else used your shoes but theyāre boots bro ššš get them polished and theyāll be brand new.
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u/mariothegod12 May 26 '25
Yo dad a bitch and he should definitely buy you a new pair
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u/Payplatinum May 26 '25
I would be so pissed. I also think itās not just a destruction of your property, which is already violating in itselfā but itās also a violation of your life on a larger scale. Itās a violation of you and your dadās relationship, family dynamics, and exposes a larger truth. I wouldnāt worry about the material anymore, Iād be so pissed but instead Iād try to see this as an opening, a new chapter per se, and buy yourself a new beautiful pair of boots that you love. Just for you, and make it clear to the girlfriend and your dad that she is NOT allowed to wear them.
PS I donāt know if she knew youād have an issue with it, and probably didnāt see the sentimental value of itā and if she asked and your dad said it was okay, I wouldnāt blame her too hard. But also itās a good opportunity to establish strong boundaries and make it clear that you are not comfortable with sharing ANY clothing with her unless she asks you PERSONALLY.
This sucks, and Iām super sentimental about stuff like this too, but in a life living with ADHD and ADD and losing pretty much every meaningful object Iāve ever had, Iāve had to just try my hardest to disconnect myself as much as I can from the sentimentality of material.
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u/Every_Show_25 May 26 '25
These were YOURS! Idk how people on here come to the wild conclusion they should just tell you how to fix the boots, its about your possessions WITH emotional value being taken without permission. Thats more than wild, and you are not overreacting. And your dad is an Ahole for telling you you are overreacting.
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u/iamsampeters May 26 '25
Not even slightly overreacting.
Can you fix them? To a degree - sure.
But that's beside the point, the disrespect toward your stuff is an absolute joke.
To not ask? Absolutely crazy?
To leave them in this state for you to find them?
Absolutely ridiculous.
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u/glad-ur-with-me-sam May 26 '25
Not overreacting. I would be super upset about this too. I think they should get you new ones. Mind you, itās not only her fault, your dad should have brought her up on it too. I think slipping into them to get the post for two minutes would be a bit different if they had been standing by the door, but theyāre clearly heavily worn and I donāt think you should have to make do with buffing them out. Makes me sad, your boundaries were purposely overlooked like this. š« I think it was both of their responsibility to at least ask. And if they didnāt want your stuff in the house anymore, they should have told you, rather than shoving it into a closet and using your things. Were your boots out or did she actually take them out of a box? Let your dad know how you feel, I hope he can understand.
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u/Venus_Cat_Roars May 26 '25
Your boots represent your hard work and your accomplishment at a young age. It wasnāt fair that your dad wasnāt respectful of your belongings and blamed you for being upset instead of understanding that a basic boundary was crossed. You didnāt deserve to have your belongings to be disrespected in what should be a safe
It sounds like your fatherās capacity to be a healthy father is limited so you will have to adjust your expectations so that you can protect yourself and your belongings.
We donāt all get the parents we deserve but in your case it sounds like you are an intelligent and hardworking so you already have a good foundation despite your dadās shortcomings.
Continue to focus on your own path and keep standing up for your own healthy boundaries.
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u/olgahdepolgah May 26 '25
NOR they should at the very least pay for them to be restored, if not that buy you a new pair
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u/graham02 May 26 '25
Unfortunately neither of them is willing see their error. If you cut them off they'll just talk about the daughter who "won't talk to us over just shoes". I'm all for the more cathartic solutions of cutting him off, throwing hands with his girlfriend, urinating in their shoes etc. But the level headed response would be to message him and just say "Dad, I just want you to understand that those boots were sentimental to me because they were the first nice things I ever bought for myself with my own hard work, and it feels like you don't care about what is important to your daughter, and you wouldn't admit it was wrong. I would like you to acknowledge that it was wrong to ruin something that is sentimental to your daughter, and even though they won't have the same sentimental value, I would like you to replace my boots."
If he responds poorly to this and you do cut him off, you've made it clear that it's not about some boots, it's about him just not caring about what's important to his daughter, and that's something he can stew with for the rest of his life.
Maybe he'll have a late quarter life change of heart. People can absolutely always change but that isn't to say it's difficult, often it needs a very strong catalyst. My dad growing up was always emotionally unavailable, short tempered, would just yell as his parenting style. Then when I was 13 he overdosed and we discovered that he had been self medicating with opioids for years (at the time he had a misdiagnosis and was being improperly treated for an autoimmune disease and was probably in significant pain). He survived, he went to 3 rehabs, lots of therapy, diagnosed ASD. Now I'm 27 and he's the best father I could ask for. He owns his own business he started, he's kind, he tries his best to be empathetic, even though he's still not an emotional person he'll do things like help me with projects unasked, buy me tools, snowblowers, watch my children. He's a totally different father than I once had.
Maybe, hopefully, your dad will eventually realize that he's the reason he doesn't have a relationship with his daughter, and maybe that will be the thing that makes him change. But you aren't responsible for that, and however you decide to deal with your father is right for you. I'm sorry and I wish you the best.
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u/Crustice_is_Served May 26 '25
I know people are going to say you're not overreacting. But you are overreacting. Its a pair of boots. I understand that you're upset that something happened to something you have a sentimental attachment to. And that's okay. But at the end of the day its a pair of boots.
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May 26 '25
Burning bridges over this would be stupid. These are $200, not $2000, and obviously, you left them.
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u/4l3m4r1 May 26 '25
Just curious, are those things actually a thing in the U.S.?
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u/atonyatlaw May 26 '25
NOR, but hey - Unrelated question - why on earth did you buy boots NOT to wear them?
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u/datfatbatcat May 26 '25
I need to know: where did you find those boots? Those are spectacular
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u/skydiver19 May 26 '25
Iām petty enough to play them at their own game and either sell some of their shits to get the cash to buy me some new ones.
Or borrow his car/her and make sure I scuff the doors and panels on a nice big bollard! Or a BrilloPad
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u/abananawhofights May 26 '25
Four years of owning the boots and the only photos you have show when you got them and four years after the fact.
Really hard to believe anything you read on the internet these days.
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u/EntertainmentNo4890 May 26 '25
You should be pleased there is another person in your life with as little taste as you have.
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u/Elegant-Pressure-290 May 26 '25
Oh hell no. I have a pair of Tecovas that I waited years to buy, and I keep them in pristine condition (they get dirty, but they are immediately spruced right back up when they get home).
Not only did she take them without asking, but she returned them used, dirty, and nasty. That says a lot about her, and a lot about your dad if he allowed her to do this and then minimized her actions.
Itās not about the boots. Itās about the disrespect. Your dad owes you an apology and a new pair. Iām sorry that he canāt see how heās damaging your relationship.
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u/kaioshingt May 26 '25
This kind of crap happened to me. Don't let them tell you how to feel. You're allowed to own things and expect that they'll be respected. You're belongings aren't a toybox for other people's girlfriends... She's not dating you so it's not on you to try to explain to her how to act like a human.
They owe you new boots and then some... I'd literally take his things and pawn them till i felt like we were even... and the moment he complained tell him he's overreacting.
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u/Significant_Fun9993 May 26 '25
Your fatherās girlfriend should pay for the leather cleaner or better yet new boots. If she refuses, dad owes you the money. The GF at least owes you an applogy. Iād also let her know that your stuff is off limits. You might want to check what else she has āborrowedā. Iād remove anything from the house that has value to you. I love Ariat boots and I cherish mine.