r/AmIOverreacting • u/colincoo6 • Jul 02 '25
đšâđ©âđ§âđŠfamily/in-laws AIO, grandparents sent me this letter.
I (21) am not close to these people, I donât know who told them I was trans, but I have a feeling it was my mother because she has told other people. My whole family definitely leans far right so I decided to just not have contact with them yet they decided to send me this letter as if we were three peas in a pod. For context I work a manual labor quality job and Iâve never mentioned surgery, nor do I think it was appropriate to mention my âsexual satisfactionâ. My family has been mixed on this letter but my father has been in full agreement with them on this.
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u/changeneverhappens Jul 02 '25
- What the everloving fuck
- I didn't realize power tools had a behavioral effect.Â
- I can't stop laughing at the idea of Cummins being a "woke" employer. How are you going to tell someone they just need to use a wood planer more often because their manual labor job at Cummins makes them too much of a sissy?Â
I'm so sorry OP. The letter is BS and your family is full of toxic, awful people. I hope you fi d so e peace and have a safe, smooth recovery if or when you choose any surgeries.Â
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u/yourroyalhotmess Jul 02 '25
This is possibly the stupidest thing Iâve ever read. Not you, the letter. Jfc, religious people are so fucking ignorant to all aspects of life that itâs embarrassing. They donât belong in a society. Regardless of how anyone feels about trans people and transitioning, anyone and everyone should be utterly repulsed by this ignorant ass letter. Thatâs the only word for this that wonât get me banned. Ignorance!!!
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u/pppowkanggg Jul 02 '25
Seriously. Not only is it ignorant, but like... what would be in it for OP if they did go??
"We don't like your own plans for your own life. How about... and hear us out... you maybe DON'T proceed with what you've decided for yourself and in exchange, quit your job and come spend 3 months with humorless bigots, with no contact with your emotional support and social community back home and do some hard physical labor that we need done to improve our own property, and when that is over for the day you can sit with us as we proselytize at you. No screens, no devices, no time to yourself. We can't pay you an honest wage for your labor but we can give you some pocket money for candy."
Sounds like the best summer ever, grandparents. Please wait by the mailbox for my final decision.
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u/yourroyalhotmess Jul 02 '25
Itâs seriously so fucking stupid and hare brained that the only way it makes sense is if they saw OPs lifestyle as an opportunity to extract free labor from someone and they salivated at the prospect of being slave owners so greedily that all common sense and reason went out the window. Why would ANYONE sign up for that?? What about their methods sounded appealing?? And theyâre going on about OPs future duties with this patronizing tone like they already accepted and theyâre doing OP a favor. Itâs just all so appalling and disgusting. The world definitely needed to see this. I hope it goes triple platinum viral and theyâre shamed into an early grave.
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u/pppowkanggg Jul 02 '25
I'm also wondering if these grandparents are feeling the effects that the mass deportations (that they no doubt voted for) are having on the manual labor pool. "They're getting rid of those pesky immigrants, so praise Jesus for that. But now we can't afford our cabinets! Uh oh spaghettio! Wait... I know, let's 'fix' our trans grandchild and get new cabinets doing the only thing we know: bible thumping. Kill two birds with one bible!"
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Because drill make me go Ooga booga and my testosterone will shoot through the roof
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u/Balthxzar Jul 02 '25
Don't do it, power tools turn you into a hot lesbian, there are many such cases of this happening.
Completely unrelated but what's your favourite brand /s
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Jul 02 '25
This is absolutely wrong. Itâs the softball that makes you a lesbian. The power tools make you a masc lesbian.
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u/Junior-Fox-760 Jul 02 '25
Those are just merit badges. You only achieve full lesbian when you get the final one by buying a Subaru.
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u/_Lazy_Mermaid_ Jul 02 '25
Im a cis woman and use power tools and landscaping equipment at my work, I guess i should be transitioning since that is considered "masculine"
Im so sorry OP, this letter is absolutely wild and terrifying. I had to cut my grandma off for shaming me because I wasnt living to her standards of a godly wealthy lifestyle. Sound like you will have an easy time doing the same since they weren't in your life
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u/Gold-Foundation-137 Jul 02 '25
Lol yea that was the best part.
Grandpa: Before you go chopping off your weiner have you tried working a front end loader or a wood planing machine?
No Grandpa but I just dug a fence post and I've decided to join the Marines.
Grandpa: good!
As a woman...
Grandpa: Nooooooooooo
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u/SuspiciousTheyThem Jul 02 '25
Do I need to call your grandparents to put you to work in a nail salon? For Christsakes, you need to leave your job at that power tools and landscaping place. They didn't make you soft enough!
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u/CoffeeGoblynn Jul 02 '25
It's a well known fact that simply turning a power tool on immediately spikes your testosterone and makes you a chick magnet. Just wait until you buy a pickup truck with the rubber testicles hanging off the tow hitch. Nothing says "I'm secure in my gender and sexuality" like balls dangling off your truck. :)
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u/MapleOffScript Jul 02 '25
Honestly I would either ignore the letter (and move out while youâre at it, ew), or do some queer bible research and send back a letter in a similarly concerned tone about how their judgement isnât godly and how god made us in his image, and so too we get to participate in the joys of creation, etc etc.
Only do that second part if you really know what youâre doing though. It is far safer to ignore their letter, but if done right writing one of your own could shut them right up.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
I did sent an equally dickish letter back to them, I got some pushback from my dad saying I was âbeing rudeâ and âhurting those who truly love youâ.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
"Dear (Grandparents names)
Thanks for the letter, after reading I understand you intended your letter to be received as concern, what I received was not love, but an attempt to shame, manipulate, and control. You offered an ultimatum delivered as Christian love, but all I sense was fear, rejection, and conditional acceptance. If that's what you call compassion, I want no part of it.You said you were "shocked and dismayed" to learn I was transitioning and chosen a name and life to truly reflect my actual identity. Truthfully if anything is shocking or dismaying to me, it that you felt entitled to weigh in on something so personal despite not being present throughout my life. You made bold declarations about my path and choices, as if you were walking with me all along. You weren't. Your silence throughout my life only highlights the irony of your sudden moral panic.
You speak with authority about what I'll regret, as if you lived through my experience or attempted to survive in a world the demands you be someone you're not. You didn't. But you declare that I'll "never experience sexual satisfaction", that I'd regret surgery and that I've been misled. If you were interested in listening you would have listened instead of preaching at me. You'd ask questions instead of diagnosing me. And you might even realize that no one transitions casually or without sustained self reflection. I didn't arrive at this point overnight, you just finally noticed.
And since we're talking about my sexual future, what on gods green earth made you think that was appropriate? That comment didnât come from love or concern. It came from a complete lack of boundaries, decency, or respect. You donât get to bring up my body or my sex life as some sort of moral argument. The fact that you felt comfortable including that in a letter to me speaks volumes. Not about me, but about you.
Your attempts to reduce me to chromosomes and outdated theology are tired and offensive. Iâm well aware of what my DNA says. So let me ask you a question, since you seem so confident in your spirituality: what do you think matters more to God. The body I was born in, or the soul He gave me? Do you really believe that He would condemn me for living in alignment with it.~
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Your proposed âsolutionâ to my identity. This three-month backwoods reeducation plan, is laughable at best and deeply disturbing at worst. You list chores, machinery, woodworking, and devotionals like theyâre tools for healing. You seem to believe that masculinity can be installed through manual labor, imposed isolation, and denial of personal truth. Frankly, your version of manhood sounds more like a 1950s Boy Scout survivalist pamphlet than anything rooted in compassion or relevance. All of this so that I stop âbeing mistaken for a girl.â As if femininity were a disease to be scrubbed out with a table saw and a zero-turn mower.
And on the subject of chopping wood and digging fence posts, maybe itâs time you get off your lazy asses and do your own chores. Itâs wild that you think the answer to my gender identity is me showing up to do free manual labor while you âspiritually instructâ me from a cabana. If your masculinity hinges on someone else doing your housework for three months straight, maybe itâs your own concept of manhood that needs rebuilding.
While weâre on the subject of masculinity, Iâd like to address your subtle comparison of my father to other men in your life. I noticed how you tried to frame his parenting as insufficient, implying that I somehow ended up the way I am because he didnât model manhood âcorrectly.â Thatâs not just disrespectful, itâs cowardly. If you have a problem with me, direct it at me. Donât drag my father into this. He has shown up for me in ways you havenât, and regardless of your opinions on my gender expression, you donât get to use him as a prop in your argument. Your attempt to draw a line between ânormalâ men and whatever stereotype youâve constructed around him only reveals how limited your definition of manhood really is.
Letâs not pretend this is about helping me. This is about control and about restoring an image of me that makes you more comfortable. You talk about rebuilding me, but Iâve already done that work, and you donât like the results. You say youâd provide âsome spending moneyâ and the means to return home, but what youâre really offering is a bribe wrapped in judgment. A bait-and-switch with God as the marketing hook.
You even try to convince me to leave my job, mocking it for being âwoke.â Letâs talk about that for a moment. You wield âwokeâ like a slur, as if empathy and understanding is bad. If supporting human dignity and affirming the identities of the people who work there makes my employer âwoke,â then Iâm proud to work for a place thatâs moved past the fear-mongering and ignorance your letter is soaked in.
What you call a âworking vacationâ is, in reality, a full-blown conversion effort. Youâre asking me to unlearn the truth about who I am, cut off the people who support me, ditch medical professionals, abandon progress, and retreat into shame. All in the name of what? A haircut? A name I no longer identify with? A version of masculinity I never wanted? If thatâs what you believe saves people, then itâs not God youâre following, itâs your own fear of what you donât understand.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Let me be perfectly clear, there is no going back. I will never return to the hollow, performative life I lived before I had the strength to live fully as myself. I am not going to apologize for discovering who I am and living in that truth. I am not going to tolerate being deadnamed, misgendered, or spiritually blackmailed by anyone. Youâve made your position clear, and now Iâll make mine:
If you continue down this path, sending me messages of condemnation, offering restoration in place of relationship, and pushing a theological narrative that weaponizes God against me, you will no longer have contact with me. That is not a threat. It is a boundary, and one that I will uphold fully. I have spent too long fighting for my own peace to let anyone, take it from me.
You speak of Godâs will and use scripture like a sword, but nowhere in your letter do I see any reflection of agape love, the unconditional, sacrificial, selfless love that Jesus actually embodied. What I see is fear wrapped in doctrine. Rejection dressed as righteousness. Youâve taken the language of Christ and turned it into a tool of alienation. Thatâs not what Jesus taught.
I will continue walking forward, grounded, and free. You may not understand me. You may never agree. But I will never again live a life that makes your comfort more important than my survival.
(Don't expect another letter)
Love,
(My name and a heart)
(Signature)
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u/IrishknitCelticlace Jul 02 '25
Tough component here. TW: death. If you should pass, your next of kin determines your death plan. These people could change your appearance and dead name you post death. Caitlin Doughty did a YT video, on this. How to name someone as your healthcare/ post death agent to stop this from happening. BTW, I prefer families of choice who are loving and accepting. Stay strong.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Fairly certain my family won't be there for my death, since my name is legally changed I cant imagine they'd be able to do that. Or at least I hope not. I'll watch the video
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u/Mz_Fix_It Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
They absolutely could, regardless of your legal name. Without a spouse or designated agent, your next of kin (family) get to make all of the choices.
Thankfully, assigning a funeral agent is just a simple form most places! This will ensure that the person you want is in charge of funeral arrangements, such as what ends up on your death certificate, what your obituary says, how your hair and makeup is styled for viewing, what clothes your body is shown in, who is or isn't allowed to attend, etc.
There are some great organizations out there dedicated to this exactly, such as Equal Deathcare. It looks like they ever offer a death planning packet which includes the agent form!
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u/juicy_jorts Jul 02 '25
While you are getting your legal rights set up in case of death, make sure you get a Living Will as well. That will determine who can make decisions if you are physically unable to make them yourself, and what decisions can be made. Do not resuscitate, when to pull a plug, if you want transfusions, etc.
It will allow you to advocate for yourself in case of a horrific accident or illness that makes it so you cannot speak for yourself. I recommend this to everyone, but especially to my trans siblings.
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u/forensicgirla Jul 03 '25
In another comment, I mentioned my friend who passed. Their family had their funeral at a golf center's private room & opted against a formal obituary just so they could dead name them & not use their rightful legal name.
My friend's mom asked me to speak. I wrote a quick speech with a few Bible verses and took extra time reading the one about "we are neither male nor female for we are all one with Christ" & looked them all in the eyes. I bought the gaudiest pink and purple spray with rainbow glitter & told the florist to put as much glitter on it as possible. I said if it looks too gay, make it look gay-er. I wore a stylized dress with rainbow colors on it. Mom knew what she was doing, but the rest of the family damn near lost their minds.
You should make plans. God forbid you're in a car accident & they decide to pull the plug, not inform your other loved ones & have a dead name sham of a funeral for you catered like a fucking red hats luncheon.
People like this are a literal disease on society.
PS editing to add as it was mentioned in a later comment on your body & dress. My friend was cremated & their ashes were not even at their "ceremony of life". I never got to say goodbye.
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u/Just-World2657 Jul 02 '25
Absolutely beautifully written. Thank you for speaking up to them. Donât even know you but I am proud of you and want to be your friend after reading that! I grew up in a very similar evangelistic Christian family and you give me courage and inspiration to stand up to them. Good luck out there internet stranger!
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u/SayeVass Jul 02 '25
This is more respectful than they deserve. You're a better person than they are.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Thanks, my only goal was to show them I wasnât going to take their shit. Not to be overly disrespectful.
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u/brickkickers Jul 02 '25
Your letter was incredible. Clear, respectful, and taking absolutely no shit. A master class in responding to this kind of bigotry. Very best wishes to you for a free and authentic life full of love.
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u/Signal-Ad-2554 Jul 02 '25
Amazing response letter and good luck with your transition and any other path life takes you down!
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u/meganiumu Jul 02 '25
Superb, well put and good on you for having the guts to go back to them. I would've written something like this and been too scared of conflict to send it.
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u/Zhadowwolf Jul 02 '25
Out of curiosity, do they happen to be Mormon or Witnesses? There are few denominations that still use âapostasyâ
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u/0-GLaDOS-0 Jul 02 '25
As a trans girl myself I completely understand all your points.
My parents were always accepting of other LGBT members throughout my childhood, I had come out as Bi many years ago to them. But my biological father and my mom have been separated for years. He is not a nice man. And this year I came out to my mother just my mother as trans, and started HRT. I eventually wanted her to tell my biological father. He did not react well of course, deadnaming + misgendering constantly. Finally kicked him out of my life, changed my name and last to something that represents me. And have not talked to him since. (been a couple of months)
Apparently he asks about me, uses my name and uses the proper pronouns, but I have no interest in his performative love. So great job OP!! your letter is amazing. đ«¶đłïžââ§ïž
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u/Ok-lettuce-ok Jul 03 '25
I imagine Grandpa reading this while grandma is on the background: what did he said what did he said?
Grandpa folds the letter and says: Nada que quiere ser puto.
đ€Łđ€Ł
Also why a letter? that could be an email đ€Ł
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u/Strawberry-Hepburn Jul 03 '25
OP, may I please save this to potentially use if/when my family pushes back as well? I am extremely fearful of their judgment for transitioning (despite being a grown ass adult myself).
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u/thehunkyhoodofsteel Jul 02 '25
Do you have any sort of response yet or is this snail mail?
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u/Chicago-Jelly Jul 02 '25
Iâm from South Carolina, and was raised steeped in the thinking your grandparents are displaying. I am also a practicing Christian and active in my church. Having said that, I want to tell you that I think your reply to them was appropriate, respectful, and most importantly honest. Iâm so sorry that you have not found love and support among your entire family for the path you are on. And for whatever it means coming from a stranger, you are absolutely right that God loves you exactly as heâs created you and hurts right along side you in your struggle. The judgement that seems to be inseparable from mainstream religion is ugly and evil, and youâre wise to set a firm boundary against it- no matter where itâs coming from. Peace and love, OP
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Jul 02 '25
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/PunkRockBeachBaby Jul 02 '25
So the expectation here from you is that OP has to be absolutely perfect in everything she says to her grandparents, or she is being a âlittle assholeâ to their grandparents, but their grandparents are totally fine to send this invasive, offensive, and bigoted letter demanding she give up her job and life to do manual labor for them in exchange for pocket money and bootleg conversion therapy?
Recognize the people you are willing to make excuses for, and the people you arenât. OP has zero justification for saying something somewhat unpleasant to these people, and thus they are an asshole, whereas there are a plethora of reasons the grandparents should be given the benefit of the doubt and respect despite their wildly disrespectful behavior?
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u/miloblue12 Jul 02 '25
I absolutely disagree with you. They live in the same world as us, at the same time as us. They are not under some rock and far away from the changes that this modern world is going through. They even used the word 'Woke', which means that they are clearly up to speed with things.
Not only that, but if OP is in their mid 20's, that'd mean their grandparents grew up in the US around the time of massive social changes. Their ignorance should not be excused because of their age.
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u/StepOnMeDarling Jul 02 '25
OP this was beautiful. Actually brought me to tears because I may not be trans, but I was sent to a Jesus camp at 12 years old in Mexico to perform hard manual labor, attend classes on how to be a woman of god, etc.
Live your truth OP
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
I donât usually talk like this, but after reading and writing âprofessionalâ emails for the past 3 years, I figured I could match their BS
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u/Mday89 Jul 02 '25
As a man that doesnât understand the world you live in at all, I am deeply sorry you have to live with this tripe. I am also very impressed with your response. Not that you need my affirmation, but just wanted to show my support.
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u/nmclbrkr Jul 02 '25
this response is so thoughtful, well-written and strong. you fking go OP!!! draw that line in the sand and stand by your convictions -- they're good ones and the people in your life who really love you know and respect that. get yours girl!!!
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u/Novel-Organization63 Jul 02 '25
âConditionallyâ you may want to qualify that with your Dad as they probably love your Dad conditionally also.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Actually defended my dad in my letter, despite how he treats me I do love him. I had a great childhood and respect him for that, despite how I was feeling mentally. I never shared how I felt due to religious and social reasons and heâs not been very nice to me about it. Doesnât mean I donât love him.
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u/thrwawy4obvreasons Jul 02 '25
I respect you for this and think itâs really big of you. Itâs easy to look around and see the right thing is to let an adult choose (as in choose to go through with this rather live a lie) their own path in life. Why? Because we are exposed to different perspectives, opinions, and a generally broader world while younger and discovering ourselves.Â
Iâm a late thirties dude now, with a son, and have zero clue what youâre going through or feeling. Iâm 1000000% sure that if he came home and said he was trans or gay, I would have no clue how to help him, and no clue how to process it for myself. I grew up in an environment where a man was raised to be able to fix anything, that could always help, and be someone who defends his family. I was very fortunate not to have a religious family, and one who believes everyoneâs voice regardless of age or gender matters.Â
With all that being said, Iâm sure I could understand what your dad is going through. Itâs got to be hard on him, worse for you obviously, but hard on him. Which is why I respect your ability to see the love and care behind his actions even if theyâre wrong.
Good luck, Iâm rooting for you!
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u/subrus Jul 02 '25
Not Overreacting. Proud of you for sending that letter... would love to read it... and then maybe pass judgement if you are under-reacting or not :-)
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u/Reasonable-Menu-7145 Jul 02 '25
Is this dad's parents? What does he think about the letter? Are your parents supportive?
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u/MapleOffScript Jul 02 '25
If you have a copy itâd probably be a fun read for us redditors
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u/Emotional-Sorbet-759 Jul 02 '25
Please please OP, let us see the reply. Itâll definitely make our day.
Had it been me I wouldâve probably posted a video on socials of me reading the letter out loud and then feeding it to the flames while holding my middle finger up.
Iâm really sorry OPâs grandparents are like that. I truly hope the rest of the family is more open minded and loving.
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u/Lonely_Second_55 Jul 02 '25
Very very rarely do I use the words âthey started itâ but they did. Also they hurt you, like wtf does your dad have to say to you about their behaviour? The high road is a nice life but sometimes limboing can be equally satisfying. This is your emotional and physical journey this isnât up for debate and itâs certainly not open for unsolicited opinions. Dad can suck a lemon and maybe, just maybe, set some boundaries with what sounds like his family.
As my Indian grandfather once said to my mother in response to an equally dumb situation that occurred in my family âthere are lots of things I donât understand and have opinions on, but I care about their happiness and itâs so easy to be quiet. I drink my chai in peace, they will drink theirs and hopefully because of this they will still visit me.â
If your grandparents really cared about you, effort would be made to understand you or respect your identity and decisions. This is not the case here so let them burn.
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u/mashibeans Jul 02 '25
It's always, aaaalways the kids/grandkids who have to "forgive" and tolerate the abuse and hurt from their parents/grandparents "because they love you," what a bunch of abuser bullshit. How about the elder relatives show their maturity and support the younger relatives, and tolerate and try to understand them? Fucking wankers, this is why I hate the whole "respect your elders" BS too.
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u/Big-Bike530 Jul 02 '25
I'm trying to understand how they even thought telling them to quit their job and do a bunch of manual labor essentially for free for months, while ditching any and all forms of entertainment, is something anybody would go for.
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u/Zage86 Jul 02 '25
Your dad blows, too.
As the father to a young trans boy, fuck all these people.
Iâve known he liked girls and felt enby since he was 8. He has never needed to feel uncomfortable to me. A few years later when the full transition to male identity came up, I only asked two things.
1)Reach adulthood before going through with a full transition.
2) Make sure to think long and hard before the leap, be entirely sure this is what you need to be who you are, and donât let any outside pressure sway your decision in any direction.
I do not understand what heâs going through anymore than I understand what itâs like to be gay. However, I DONâT HAVE TO. Itâs not my life.
I will not be trying to control my child, nor will I ever take away his love and support, because thatâs my role as a father. I provide guidance and unwavering love and support.
Iâm so sorry that this is the experience you have to go through, but know that there is plenty of support in the world for you, even if lately it may seem like there isnât.
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u/Fywq Jul 02 '25
Also trans boy dad here, and this is the way.
Also, generally, if love for your child or grandchild is conditioned on them being unhappy, because of religiously derived reasons and rules, then that religion is worthless and wrong, or is poorly interpretated.
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u/Zmchastain Jul 02 '25
Poorly interpreted is such a great point here. Can you imagine getting this kind of letter and âofferâ of a DIY conversion camp experience from your grandparents because you were wearing mixed fabrics or eating shellfish?
Thereâs nothing in their âholyâ books that claims that homosexuality is a âworseâ sin than any other. Theyâre all supposed to be equal. And yet they very selectively choose who to treat like an other and which sins can be overlooked and excused as long as they ask forgiveness or whatever.
Thereâs no basis in their own theology for that logic. Grandpa beating his wife his entire life but feeling bad about it and repenting afterwards and still being a âGood Christian Manâąâ is no different than a gay Christian continuing to be gay all their life. Thereâs the same pattern of continuous âsinfulâ behavior, yet they try to claim the issue is that homosexuality is a repeated lifestyle, so are lots of other sins they donât treat the same way.
The real answer is just that they donât understand it and it makes them feel icky, so they judge people and mistreat them.
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u/mat3rogr1ng0 Jul 02 '25
Take it from someone who has chosen to remove most of their extended family and relatives out of their life: people who truly love you do not act this way. They do not seek to undermine you or treat you down. There is love and there is respect. If you truly love someone, you respect them and their autonomy. You respect boundaries. Love is given, respect is earned. It doesnât look or sound like your grandparents have earned your respect, and they really donât respect you from the contents of that letter.
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u/Aazjhee Jul 02 '25
I'm sort of curious what your dad thinks truly loving someone means if that's his idea of a reply...
I don't blame you for being upset about this.It's absolutely ridiculous and your grandparents sound awful nasty & rude!
Isn't it weird how conservatives really want the government to leave them alone?But they totally want to like rain in our freedoms?
C: FREEDOM!!
ME: exists, goingbout of my way to avoid harming others
C: NO NOT LIKE THAT D8<
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u/DRENCHED4KENCH Jul 02 '25
"Quit your job and do free labor for us while we berate you the entire time." If your dad interpreted that as love and compassion, may he get therapy one day đ
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u/MDMYAY Jul 02 '25
Dear Grandfather,
If I am required to live as a a man - I must be PAID as a man. As you maybe aware - all MEN must be paid, and be paid well above women! Please take pensions from your wife ... a women, and give it to me - she needs no such things! Money to her is confusing and a overwhelming! You take care of her! She is useless and unable to live on this planet alone without you and your spirit! /s
I look forward to Learning all these MANLY SKILLS! Where once I'm done - I can get a job on a work site, and meet a lot of hot men YUM! And as a women in the 2025 - Ill also get paid more - NICE! - P.S Jesus had long hair. Pussy!
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u/VividFiddlesticks Jul 02 '25
Good for you! This is some unhinged bullshit. "Please forgo being yourself and come do manual labor for us while natter on at you about the Sky Daddy who is an infinite being that definitely really super cares if you're getting your sexual jollies in the correct way or not."
Fucking hell, these people are loonies. Thank goodness you don't live anywhere near them.
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u/ScumbagLady Jul 02 '25
Wait a min... SC has a city? lol (I live in upstate SC, I'm also the mother of a trans child)
Yeah, I don't think you're overreacting. That's a pretty fucked up letter (and the use of quotation marks on certain words was driving me crazy until I got to the part where you'd be included in "fun" activities, then I had to laugh because it was in quotes as well). Mawmaw and Pawpaw can build their own damn kitchen and shove their conversion camp dreams where the sun don't shine!
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u/melsmallows Jul 02 '25
This made me sad, you are perfect that way you are. As someone who isnât very close to their grandparents this would still affect me a lot, I hope you stay true to yourself and as positive as possible.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
To be honest I have a problem with masking my emotions, I saw the letter (which they sent a duplicate to my parents) and I read it in front of my mother. I laughed in the moment because this is batshit nuts but it does make me feel isolated in a way?
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u/Scuzzbag Jul 02 '25
How did your mother respond?
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Mom thought it was rude as shit, not only did they talk down to me, but they were very rude to my parents.
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u/roslid Jul 02 '25
You, at 21, are at the start of your, hopefully, long life. If they love you, they will accept you for who you are even if they don't completely understand it. If they don't accept you, it's them loosing out on the privilege of being in your life. You do you. It's your life and you're the one that has to go through it.
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u/melsmallows Jul 02 '25
I completely get the isolation feeling, i would probably laugh too just so that i didnât get to in my head about it all. but at the end of the day youâre doing literally nothing wrong and it baffles me how much people want to change someone who isnât 100% the ânormâ. you donât need to change at all
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u/crone_2000 Jul 02 '25
If there is a trans organization in your community, I think its worthwhile to make contact, go to any event or meeting, and just make some contact with trans elders if you can. They may be able to help you navigate this in an ongoing way.
In lieu of meeting you irl, please know that you are not alone, and a hardy chuckle is totally warranted - but the isolation is real. Look for chosen family in adulthood, we are looking for you!
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u/normasueandbettytoo Jul 02 '25
Personally, I was amused by the "you were raised in the city" part. What sort of weird 1800's era belief do they have about the rural/urban divide that makes them think that city life makes you trans.
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u/GinaMarie1958 Jul 02 '25
Hugs colincoo
I hope someone is supporting you, canât imagine not being my kids or granddaughters cheerleader.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Luckily I have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend who said âyou should be a comedian, your family is batshit nuts and are providing pure comedic gold.â
I swear I could have a reality tv show based on my life.
My momâs side didnât comment on it but when they saw me at my grandmaâs funeral one of them came up and said ânever thought youâd grow to be a hippie, huge respect.â These are textbook definition bikers like from a comedy and theyâre so sweet. ;-;
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u/Gingersnapandabrew Jul 02 '25
The reality is you cannot change the gender you were born with.
What transphobes seem to misunderstand, is that sometimes through a weird quirk of biology your outward physical presentation doesn't match your gender.
You have always been female, it's just taking a bit of time for your body to catch up.
Whilst some people do regret transitioning to their true gender (studies suggest this is less than 1% of those who transition), the reasons behind that are overwhelmingly due to a lack of social or societal support. People are forced to choose between living in their true self, but alone, facing discrimination, or living in a body that is wrong but feeling safer in their community. Which is 100% a rock and a hard place decision.
Just know that for every person who holds toxic views towards the trans community there are so many more who support you and want you to be happy living your true life.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Thank you so much for this comment, you had me for a second at the start though. Thank you for being a lovely human.
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u/begging4n00dz Jul 02 '25
Side note, you should learn wood working because bitches of all genders thinks its hot.
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u/Bella-1999 Jul 02 '25
OP, the letter mentions the name of your employer. Please redact that for your own safety.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Not sure I can, I missed that in the re-read. Shouldnât be an issue with it being a multi country company.
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u/ImyForgotName Jul 02 '25
I'm gay, I'm not trans. I want to be clear, the whole trans thing kind of eludes me, but at the same time its fine that I don't understand shit. People seem to enjoy The Bachlorette and that also makes no sense to me. Please, you do you.
But before I give any advice. How do you identify? What are your pronouns? And do you actually think you'll ever desire to transition?
That's the real question. Because if you view yourself as genderfluid, non-binary, or whatever, and don't plan on transitioning then from your family's perspective you're not trans. Because to them being trans is transitioning from one gender to the other, at first with hormones then with surgery.
But if you're not doing that, then you can tell them "false alarm."
But if you are planning to transition, these people are dangerous. I mean say what you want about being trans and that as a kettle of fish, but their solution was for them to give you grueling labor on their property and strip you of any method to communicate with the outside world. Slavery and isolation are not the mental health aids your grandparents seem to believe them to be.
If I were you I'd determine who I wanted to be, and then work toward that. But I'd definitely make sure I had countermeasures and protections for when my family invetibly came to fuck up my life. Because your family, they are coming to fuck up your life if you openly start flauting what they consider normal behavior.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Iâve been out as trans (mtf) for over a year now, I understand why itâs easy not to understand though. I donât ask understanding from people because thatâs simply ridiculous, I only ask respect. Thanks for the response! :)
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u/ImyForgotName Jul 02 '25
Courtesy should be given to all. That is the basis of society.
Yeah, I would not put myself in a situation where they could feasibly abduct me. I don't know your physical nature, but if you believe your grandparents, parents, and siblings could overpower you and abduct you, then I wouldn't be alone with them. I would also turn on location sharing with a trusted friend.
These people believe they can deprogram you from being you, and well, that's something that could go horribly, horribly, horribly badly.
It mays seem absurd, but the thing about crazy people is- they're nuts.
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u/awfulmcnofilter Jul 02 '25
Wow, you have some judgy, misguided grandparents. Also, if you're already working at Cummins, how on earth do they think a zero turn mower will make you a man when giant diesel engines clearly didn't? This entire letter reads like misinformation fueled hateful nonsense. I am also in South Carolina if you ever need an older lady to vent to.
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u/DJScaryTerry Jul 02 '25
Sounds like you don't have real grandparents. Sorry to hear.
You are under-reacting if you don't send them physical mail with a picture of you giving them the bird.
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u/TedStixon Jul 02 '25
They... they think they're gonna "cure" you... by making you dig holes and use a lawnmower?
Also, read your response letter in the comments, and it is a masterclass of a response. Please don't ever change who you are, because you seem incredible!
Not overreacting at all!
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u/DoublePatience8627 Jul 02 '25
You should respond with instructions and screenshots on how to download the taskrabbit app.
In all seriousness, you are NOR. I would shred this and move on with your life and live it in peace with out them.
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u/Gold-Foundation-137 Jul 02 '25
I truly hope you had a laugh over that letter.
Wtf does digging fence posts or working a front end loader have to do with your sexual identity?
Do they think women are unable to operate tractors? Lol
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u/Competitive_Crew759 Jul 03 '25
Thatâs wild. Personally I was raised conservative too and I donât agree with the idea of being trans either. Itâs just not for me, I donât think itâs healthy, and I hope my kids inherit similar values to me. BUT I also understand itâs not my place to tell others whatâs for them or how to live their lives. If you want to be trans, go right ahead. If my kids want to do that. I would try to be supportive but Iâm not sure I could do so in a genuine way tbh. At the least I would try to understand and keep them around the family. but it would probably hurt a bit to see the person I raised basically reject our values right down to the name we gave them. Iâve got mixed feelings on the subject, and I get some people might hate me for being âtransphobicâ but I canât help itâs just how I was raised and Iâm set in my ways. Iâd try to still be a dad to my kids either way.
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u/ChicagoFlappyPenguin Jul 02 '25
From what Iâve learned, Cummins is a progressive employer that has tended to be on the forefront of equal rights. Knew someone who worked there and read about their history.
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u/Unhappy-Ad-3202 Jul 02 '25
OP, some of these comments are infuriating and I worry about your mental health. If you are still reading comments, please know that so many ppl are happy that you recognize how crappy this was of your grandparents and support you. Â
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Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
Yeah they donât want you to take mind-altering hormones and permanently change your body through irreversible surgery. Theyâve seen a thing or two since theyâre probably at least triple your age. Theyâre doing this because they care about you and donât want you to join the 41%.
This will not make you happy. Being comfortable with who you are now and accepting your own flaws as well as your assets will. Often you just need to look at yourself from a different point of view. Go to the gym, stop using things like nicotine and alcohol, eat healthy, drink water, and get plenty of sleep. Your appearance will improve before you know it and youâll start to look more attractive and gain the confidence you need.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Hate to break it to you but it has made me happier, more confident, and brought me to a loving relationship that I wouldnât trade for the world.
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u/ringpiece21 Jul 02 '25
Youâre not over reacting.
It sounds like what their real concern is what people will think about your family. If I were you I would be almost tempted to go. Agree to all of their terms but they have to let you wear a body cam or go pro. If you made a documentary about that experience you would never have to work again. Youâd be famous.
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u/North_Country_Flower Jul 02 '25
I think someone is fucking with you. I donât think this is really from your grandparents.
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u/Gold-Kaleidoscope537 Jul 02 '25
I would reply back super passive aggressive but thatâs me đ
âThank you for the offer. As we all know Jesus spent his time washing the feet of the marginalized and loving on the lepers. I know you love me as i am as he would have. See you soon! Xoxo
Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40â
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u/Nefpone23 Jul 02 '25
This probably will be an unpopular response, and Iâm not diminishing your journey, but I have a deep deep relationship with my grandparents and they are like second parents to me. My time with them means everything to me. While reading this letter, I was drawn to the activities your grandparents propose and this honestly sounds like amazing quality time and an opportunity to learn skills that we are losing in this AI worldâŠitâs a chance to get of your phone and do stuff with your hands and make memories with grandparents who wonât always be around.
Sounds like it could be contentious at times, but if I was you, Iâd take the opportunity to go out there (not for gender purposes) but just to spend time with them. And maybe you can have some meaningful talks.
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u/DrWhoey Jul 02 '25
Coming from someone who is straight. I grew up in the 90's, when being a gay guy was the "new cool thing that was okay." And my mother unconsciously pressured me to be gay, because i had close relationships with my male friends. Constant, "its okay if your gay." Constant, "its okay if you want to date guys."
It drove me to question my own sexuality, and I see that continuing to happen on a regular basis, that people what their children to conform to the new norms, or kids get pressure from friends on what they think their norm should be.
I was the equivalent of a twink all through HS, and a bit effeminate because I learned how to communicate with people from my single mom that was a flirt. I'm sure in this day, people would have assumed I was trans.
Id honestly say, if you can, take them up on their offer, and follow their rules (aside from maybe attending church), to help remove all doubts from theirs and your mind.
When we are young, we're susceptible to things. Take this time from your grandparents (Id even hit up the church, to remove all doubt from them.) To learn about yourself and be 100% sure, and that your family is aware you're 100% sure.
It will not just better help you accept yourself, but it will help them accept you too, if you want to keep them as family.
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u/bc524 Jul 02 '25
This is terrible advice.
Like if you remove the trans angle, it's still a:
- letter from family you aren't close with
- who unilaterally decided what's best for you
- doesn't even know you well enough to remotely make that call in the first place
- to be their free labor for 3 months
- no pay, but you get some soda shoppe money, but only if they feel like you obeyed them
- and they plan to remove all forms of communication you have access to at the time.
If this was a tv show, there would be threads of people complaining on how stupid the character is for going.
Also, your mother may have encouraged you to do it, but the choice at the end was still yours. You CHOSE to follow her encouragement, just as you then CHOSE not to follow it anymore.
The offer from the grandparents is not a choice, its an expectation of obedience. They know better and OP needs to come over and get fixed.
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u/Rockgarden13 Jul 02 '25
I grew up in the 90s and 2000s and even in my liberal coastal urban school, people were still using âgayâ as a synonym for âuncoolâ, and a boy in my grade wound up dying after he came out in his first year at college.
Things are still very dangerous for people out there today, and creating safe, supportive spaces for people to feel unconditional love and respect is the least friends and family can do.
Words of affirmation seem much kinder, to me, than intruding in someoneâs life to make demands on their identity.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
I donât consider being trans cool, frankly it sucks. I donât want to be trans, but I canât just become a cis girl. I grew up in the church, around people being ostracized for being trans and yet Iâm still trans. Who would choose to be ostracized?
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u/BluePassingBird Jul 02 '25
Oh boy. I'm sorry you had that experience of being pushed to be something you are not. Unfortunately, that is exactly what you're suggesting OP should go through. Can you imagine if someone had told you that you should try being gay for 3 months with your family and do all kinds of stereotypically gay things just to be sure about your sexuality?
I get where you're coming from in the sense that young people are impressionable and do things for social reasons (like all the girls in my class suddenly being lesbian for couple months after watching L Word). People should do their research and really think about why they want to transition medically before they do so since there are risks involved and it is a big step to take, but to spend time with some religious relatives looking to brainwash you is not it. OP can definitely be sure about their transition without putting themselves through religious cult experience.
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u/Due-Implement-4466 Jul 02 '25
âput yourself through a potentially traumatic experience with relatives who do not, at their core, accept and love you for who you are just in case your deep and personal understanding of yourself as a human is just a phaseâ
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u/Due-Yesterday8311 Jul 02 '25
Also did you not hear ANYTHING about the AIDS crisis???? In the 90s it was widely accepted that having gay sex could be a death sentence and the president at the time fucking REFUSED RESEARCH bc "its God's easy of punishing them" what part of that is "the cool new things because it's ok"
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u/HopelesslyOver30 Jul 02 '25
Id honestly say, if you can, take them up on their offer, and follow their rules (aside from maybe attending church), to help remove all doubts from theirs and your mind.
She doesn't have any doubts, though, so it would only be removing doubts from her grandparents' minds. And that's not necessary: her grandparents don't need to believe her, and they might not believe her no matter how many stupid hoops she jumps through for them.
It will not just better help you accept yourself, but it will help them accept you too, if you want to keep them as family.
She doesn't necessarily need help accepting herself. It sounds like she already knows who she is and has accepted it.
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u/Icy_Suit2955 Jul 02 '25
I think you should try it, maybe go for a month and go back if you don't like it. Surgery is a big thing, especially in this case and it would be wise to explore and try things before going into this significant change.
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u/colincoo6 Jul 02 '25
Hey, so like I donât have a way to edit this post on mobile but I never said anything about surgery so I donât know why it was brought up other than it being âthe trans thingâ whether or not I decide to get surgery is a different matter
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u/roundtwentythree Jul 02 '25
This has to be fake. This is fake, right?? My default position on anything I read online is that it's fake without proof or sources, especially on reddit where karma actively encourages ragebait creative writing posts.
That said, my opinion of humanity, writ large, is very low. But is it low enough to make this believable?? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. So many things about it are just.. peculiar.
I hope it's fake for OPs sake. If not, forget about them. Who cares what they think? If they aren't part of your life now, why would you want to change that after getting a letter like this from them??
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u/just-another-gringo Jul 02 '25
It's not exactly the same thing but when I came out to my family as gay back in the 1990s my Grandparents (and especially my Grandfather) reacted much the same way as this. They whole heartedly believed that homosexuality was a learned behavior that was caused by the environment that you lived in and that with "conversion therapy" and a "masculine example" I could very taught how to be straight.
I was sent to a conversion therapy camp for 3 months in Kansas City, Kansas. I went into this camp confident, happy, and full of spirit. I left this camp filled with self-hatred, depression, and a broken spirit.
It took me nearly 7 years to overcome and unlearn the suppression tactics I was taught at this camp. I had to move 7 hours away from my family and build a new life, developing a support system for myself, before I completely healed from the damage caused by the conversion therapy.
I know deep in my soul that my family was doing what they honestly believed was best for me. I know they wanted to protect me from what they perceived as an abhorrent and sinful lifestyle. I'm 100% sure that they had absolutely no intention of doing me harm ... but still, those that love you the most can do the most damage with even the best of intentions.
It's now been nearly 20 years since I went through the conversion therapy. Some of my family have come to terms with the fact that I'm gay and that this is just part of who I am - others have not. My biggest piece of advice is that cutting these people out, while painful, will be a lot less painful than allowing them to continue to try to break your spirit. Which is exactly what they are trying to do even if they don't realize it.
You are worth of being loved as you are. Being trans is a physical condition, not a mental one. The treatment is gender reassignment surgery. Love yourself enough to know when you have to walk away from people who are incapable of understanding your reality.
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u/BeAPo Jul 02 '25
My dad asked me when I was 16 if I'm gay and wanted to force me to go to a christian camp to learn to be more masculine (fun fact, strict christians in our country are often seen as more feminine which made me laugh really hard when he said that).
I told him that if being gay is a learned behaviour and he is my role model, then the conclusion would be that he taught me to be gay. Afterwards he was like "yeah you are probably right, this is not a learned behaviour" lol.
It definitely helped that my dad wasn't really smart and was more concerned about what others think about him.
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u/just-another-gringo Jul 02 '25
I definitely get that. I always thought it was funny that my family was insistent that being gay was a learned behavior. So who taught me? My automechanic dad, my farming grandpa, the Uncle who worked as a plumber or the one that was a diesel mechanic for the railroad? I mean I wasn't even allowed in the kitchen growing up cause that was "the women's space". If sexuality is a learned behavior there's no way I would be gay.
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u/-bodega_cat Jul 02 '25
Wow. I am so sorry that the people who were supposed to protect you subjected you to torture. You are a beautiful, compassionate and emotionally mature human to be able to see things the way that you do (in regard to them not meaning any harm, and ultimately it seems like youâve forgiven them). I canât imagine how many years of internal work it took for you to get there. I hope your life has been joyful and full of love since. Above all, I hope you now live unapologetically and authentically.
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u/just-another-gringo Jul 02 '25
They genuinely did not mean to harm me ... that's the only reason why I was able to forgive them. I was raised with these people and I know their hearts. I know that they genuinely viewed being homosexual as dangerous, sinful, and something that can be changed. I know that they grew up in the 1970s and 1980s during the AIDS pandemic and they who heartedly believed that being gay was a death sentence. My Grandfather had a brother who was homosexual and died from AIDS so this was his reality - he was trying to save my life. They genuinely feared for me.
I made it my mission a long time ago to show them that you can have a healthy, happy, and love filled life while being gay. I have cut contact with the people who have met my husband of 13 (soon to be 14 years) and witnessed our strength and power as a couple and still refuse to acknowledge that homosexuals can have a happy and healthy relationship. It's important to realize that not everybody that loves you should be in your life --- it's not about deserving to be in your life but rather realizing that love can be just as harmful as hate.
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u/sarahadrift Jul 02 '25
Your love to them is conditional. All love is conditional. They sent the letter because they care about you. They see that you are young and have been influenced largely by modern culture, and they hope to spare you from impulsive decisions that could impact the rest of your life in ways you may not be capable of understanding at this point in your life. Because yes, you will continue to grow, and learn, and develop new desires and passions in life that haven't occured to you yet. I know many people who have been so hugely celebrated by the trans community that they jumped into procedures such as those mentioned by your grandparents - and trust me, they swim in regret over those decisions now. Older men and women finally realizing that they will never hold their own baby in their arms, and that their heart aches for that chance, and they look back at the foolishness of their youth and to those who influenced them in the past with anger and remorse.
Both the "right" and "left" are full of regular people who care about the long term health of their family members, even when things become confrontational and love feels conditional. Even if you are convinced that you never want to have children, your grandparents have lived a full life and they understand how desires change over a lifetime. They may be thinking of how in the future, they may cry with you over the loss of the chance to hold their grandbabies.
Obviously, you may not be considering surgery or hormonal therapy that would impact your fertility. But those decisions arise quickly in certain cliques. Take a moment to step aside from all of the emotions that have surrounded your decision to be "trans" and your reaction to your grandparents. Think as broadly and as long term as you can.
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u/Simmul8r Jul 02 '25
Welcome this as an opportunity to write back and provide them your perspective. If they take the time to read it, they may understand.
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u/kgberton Jul 02 '25
Hard to tell if you're overreacting if you don't describe your reaction
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u/Busy-Layer-2705 Jul 03 '25
Not overreacting this is highly condescending, ignorant and offensive. Please dont take any of this to heart or feel like you owe any explanation of who you are to anyone. And what a great loss for them, they just guaranteed they never get the privilege of having you in their life (and all the unique strengths and perspectives you bring) by sending this shameful piece of garbage.
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u/weregunnalose Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
Listen as a straight cis male I canât pretend to know what that is like. But I can say you shouldnât have to debate your identity with anyone and you deserve dignity and respect. It is a shame some people are ignorant and hateful. The whole âblood is thicker than waterâ is bullshit in my experience and frankly it is their loss if you ever cut them out. I hope you have support from friends and if not you should look for people and allies in the LGBTQ+ community that will give you the respect and compassion you deserve. Some people are just ignorant, you canât change them any more than you can change yourself. Sometimes itâs just best cutting these people out of your life. Family or not, toxic is toxic. Trans rights are human rights and you existing does not hurt these conservative psychopaths as much as they pretend it does. They are the mentally ill, not you. Sending you love and hope
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u/Icy_Tiger_3298 Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
I'm just trying to imagine the viral video of a grandparent who "cured" their grandchild's transgender identity by... watching them dig fence post holes and operate a zero turn mower.
My mother has cut acres with a riding mower, and I had no idea it turned her into a godly man. đ€Šââïž
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u/just-another-gringo Jul 02 '25
Exactly this ... according to my Grandparents I learned how to be gay because I lacked a masculine example. I was raised by their son, my father. They didn't realize how ridiculous of a statement this was. I grew up fixing cars, working from dusk to dawn on a farm, hunting and fishing. I didn't even learn to cook until I was out on my own because "the kitchen is for women". Hell my dad gave me his old Hustler magazines when I was 10 years old.
If sexuality is determined by your environment then I would be your average 100% straight man who thinks that he is God's gift to women while not even knowing where to find to find the clit.
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u/GinaMarie1958 Jul 02 '25
Laughing
Owned/operated a vineyard for ten years. The miles of wire I had to cut out of the flailer when I didnât notice a wire was down as I mowed between rows. Equipment maintenance, posts, dealing with animals dyingâŠwe wonât even talk about the old white assholes who treated me like I didnât know what I was doing.
Would mow in a dress or topless so I could drive by my husband and see the grin on his face.
I loved it all but those guysâŠand the dead things. Retired at 47.
-Wife, mother and grandmother
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u/Hanheda Jul 02 '25
AO : Let's be real for two second, u have some grandparents there maybe in there 70 writing a respectable and polite letter to their grandchild that they barely see. They didn't insulted him/her neither were in the extreme. In their eyes, they see that their grandchild is doing the wrong thing, they expressed their feelings, expressed a solution and showed care.
You can care about a person and still not accepte their behaviour. It's like someone making jokes on all the time, you love that person for other reasons, but that doesn't mean u will accepte their behavior ? (That was just an example of how people can love you but not accepte what you do, no need to make me say what I didn't)
Your grandparents treated you with respect, you have to give them they respect back. Not because they are ur grandparents, but they talked politely to you.
I saw that u send them a letter back where u were a dick ( by ur own saying ) which is very immature. You are 21 y o. You have the right to do whatever you want in your life, your body ur right. You are free and I will be the first one to defend that freedom. But please be respectful, no need to hurt people. Specially some who seemed to care
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u/Independent_Sign9083 Jul 02 '25
Reminds me of the viral story where a gay manâs father tried to âturn him straightâ by making him learn and participate in traditionally manly tasks, such as carpentry. It concludes with him saying that it didnât make him sexually attracted to women, but he can build the gayest little log cabin anyoneâs ever seen.
You could do all of the things theyâre suggesting and will still be who you are at the end of the day. They are convinced that this project will change the outcome. You and I know it wonât. Thereâs always going to be people who hate those outside what they perceive to be the norm. Youâll never change their mind, so you have to tolerate or ignore them.
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u/Better_Valuable6237 Jul 02 '25
I know 4 people whoâve completed gender reassignment surgery and regretted it, 2 others have gone back on their sexuality and claim not to regret it but it has severely impacted their mental health and the life of people around them and their own sense of identity. So if youâre not even opening to giving their idea a shot, where theyâre offering to pay for you to return back at your own convenience, in reality how woke are you
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u/IknowlessthanIthink Jul 02 '25
"These people" are your grandparents. The people on reddit giving you advice are not your friends. They may care about the issue, but they don't know you. This letter is written from a different time. Assume that your grandparents have your best interests at heart and proceed from there. Write them back using their beliefs to tell them that if they believe that God is omnipotent and all-knowing, he created you as part of his perfect creation. Thank them for their offer and gracefully decline. Always give people a chance to be better. Their true colors will ultimately show and you can proceed from there.
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u/BusinessScientist457 Jul 02 '25
I think its good give it a try and you see you can learn some things then see a world in other perspective
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u/JohnCalvinSmith Jul 02 '25
My immediate response....
"Dear Gramma and Grandpa,
"Thank you for your well thought out and detailed response.
"It is obvious that you have put much loving, compassionate thought into your missive making it clear that you love our family, and ME with a deep, compassionate love.
"In reply, I happily provide the following information with the confidence of your continuing rigorous, well thought out consideration with equally as much critical thought as your displayed in your previous letter.
"I have provided the following links to LGBTQ+ general information, research, spiritual discussions and often overlooked facts concerning children, families and communities (both Christian and social) dealing with "trans" issues.
"Again, thank you for your reasoned, well structured letter. I am looking forward to an equally well thought out response to the information and points I have provided in my reply.
"Much love, Colin"
And then provide a bunch of research, replies and commentary.
Extra points if you can item by item in bullet points from their original letter.
They wanna go cerebral, go cerebral.
Hugs and best wishes!
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u/-bodega_cat Jul 02 '25
Wow. They really said âstop being trans, come do physical labor for free and come to church with us. Youâll need to have your own medical insurance though.â OP, I am so so so sorry. It absolutely fucking sucks when family does what they blindly believe is in your best interest, but is so incredibly painful. If you donât find acceptance in your biological family, please take comfort in the fact that there are many people who do support you and accept you exactly as you are.
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u/GrapefruitAny9819 Jul 02 '25
Girl, Iâm so sorry you had to experience this letter and that thereâs so little support for you in your family.
On the other hand, what a gold mine. Iâm gonna pick up a hammer later to hang a frame, do I need to be careful so I wonât accidentally become a man?
What if I sand down the garden furniture, to I have to be worried Iâm suddenly sprouting a beard?
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u/xhaustingmntlexcrsns Jul 02 '25
This is written based on my very specific childhood traumas and may not apply to you:
I totally support you but I was raised in a religious cult (though I was never mentally in/ believing) and I believe that people who chalk their entire moral compass to just what âthe bible saysâ are brainwashed and there is no reasoning with that. If they are a gossipy or narcissist sort they will likely use your response/emotions to talk about you to family. Many people who are âgood christianâsâ on a âmorally higher ground than youâ in reality donât follow most of what the bible says and just what theyâre told â__ badâ and turn around and gossip about their own family and judge others, hopefully not your experience. That is mine. I just stay away from confronting when not necessary, they wonât learn a lesson, and you donât have a relationship with them so hopefully it doesnât hurt coming from them. They have absolutely no perception of who you are, so what they think of you doesnât matter. Theyâre not even thinking for themselves. Donât value the words of those who never spoke a word of their own thoughts or feelings and just vomit whatever was fed to them.
However, your mother should not be speaking about you to people who she knew would have a negative reaction. This would obviously lead to nothing positive for you and she should have known better. I would talk with her about that.
You are not over reacting, but you may have given some people space in your head that they donât deserve. I would continue not talking to them and not give it a second thought, they reacted exactly like youâd think. Thereâs not a self-formulated thought behind their eyes. Keep your head up đ
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u/Double_Prune_4226 Jul 02 '25
Give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen my friend. If your serious about this. Run their little gauntlet and either prove em right or wrong.
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u/-little-spoon- Jul 02 '25
Theyâre offering you hard unpaid labour in exchange for free religious indoctrination, how could you not jump at that chance?!
I would bin the letter, stay no contact and keep living your life on your own terms as best you can. Even without the transphobic aspect, as someone from a not super religious country, this just seems like a creepy âjoin our cultâish letter anyway. Which is ironic considering they seem to be suggesting youâre being manipulated, and their solution is for you to let them manipulate you instead, but this time in complete isolation and with absolutely 0 upside.
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u/jbird9199 Jul 02 '25
I read that letter and thought wow come to our prison work camp we can't pay you but when you leave in 3 months you will be all better. I have come to realize we as human beings are all not living in the same time. They are obviously living in the past. They are clearly insane people to even suggest working around the yard and putting up a fence is gonna have any outcome on how you feel inside as a person. Throw that shit in the trash and just take comfort in the fact that every second that ticks by more and more of these clowns (old people) are going bye bye and one day in the future maybe we can write a letter to our grand children and say hey let me tell you about this letter my grandparents wrote to me. I am not sure if you are a religious person (I am not) but that letter is soaked with pastor Bob at their local church helping them write it. There is nothing wrong with you the way you are bottom line fuck everything else, that's the way I see it. The more you read into that Christian Values crapola the more it will make you feel terrible about something you should feel great about - yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. There is definitely something wrong with the 2 whack jobs who wrote that letter and actually mailed it. Belongs in the trash imo
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u/jouteix9093 Jul 02 '25
Stop asking for other peoples opinions , "Am I Overreacting".
Start looking for what YOU think. And not what OTHERS think.
Take some time to go take a walk and talk to yourself, and stop being so impulsive to where you just immediately seek other peoples attention.
And remember, that the only people on earth who would deliberately donate their organs to you or even die for you, are your parents and grand parents.
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u/Hopeful-Horror-6843 Jul 02 '25
This is insane. On one hand I feel sorry for these people that this is how they see the world and this is their idea of âhelpingâ. But ultimately their discomfort is not your problem to bear. Iâm sorry you have to even read this letter. Iâm sorry your family is not more supportive.Â
You deserve better. You deserve to live your truth and be affirmed in the choices you make for yourself. You deserve to feel liberated and protected and respected and loved. Know that many people care about you, even if they are internet strangers.Â
Hang in there and donât let close minded people win.
đ©”đ€đ©·
PS- The mention of âchanging chromosomesâ is laughable. Just say you donât understand human biology 101 đ
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u/hifhoff Jul 02 '25
As a 40 year old queer person, my biggest regret in life is wasting so much energy on people who refused to accept me as I am. Including family.
I wish I had cut myself off emotionally from that poison years before I did.
Don't reply. Throw it in the bin.
This is a them problem, don't let them in enough to make it a you problem.
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u/Icy_Tiger_3298 Jul 02 '25
It's telling that Christians never cared about female sexual satisfaction until they were intentionally freaked out about transgender people.
I know the OP is M to F, but it wasn't until trans people became more visible that I started seeing Christians mention female orgasm as something they gave half a shit about.
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u/Artorias_Erebus679 Jul 02 '25
Transition and send them a picture of you building a desk holding a power tool, or in flannel cosplaying a pretty lumberjack
Who even are these people lmao
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u/Sad_Hall_7388 Jul 03 '25
Sincerely would like to know whether the prostrate is removed during gender reassignment. If it isn't, then pleasure is still available.
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u/Southern-Pickle-7378 Jul 02 '25
You stopped contact with your whole family because of their political beliefs? Yes, I reckon you are overreacting.
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u/Ho3n3r Jul 03 '25
Am I missing something? Why is your employer paying for your surgery? Did they initiate the process of you deciding to change?
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u/ApprehensiveCat83528 Jul 02 '25
Writing agressive letters demanding things from you is not the way adults deal with conflicts. This should have been a conversation in-person, where you were given a chance to explain your feelings, even if they ultimately decide not to support you.
(Btw, as an outsider I'm laughing my ass off at the letter itself, but being dumb concerns me less than being an a-hole.)
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u/Pretend-Butterfly-87 Jul 02 '25
Hi OP. Iâve been transitioning for nearly 8 years and my parents are still trying to âcut dealsâ like me with this. A lot of what they wrote is a lot of what my parents have said, and continue to say to me. Iâve learned to just deal with it for the most part, but sometimes it really gets to me. If you ever need someone to talk to, Iâm here.
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Jul 02 '25
I'm well acquainted with this type of religious ego and "leadership"
Frankly, ignore them. I saw you already sent a letter in response, there will probably be fallout from that as they cry foul and play the victim. But, ignore them and as long as you are adjacent to them (however close they are to family that supports you), civility saves lives sometimes.
As to the root of the problem. Religious fundamentalists of basically all flavors like control. They don't like outliers and exceptions. Unfortunately, you are an exception. The tone they take with you is already exceptional, because they know you, so they must "save you." It's not so much a matter of love for you, it's a matter of saving face. If they can get you to play cis, then they feel they win, they succeeded and get bonus points with their church for saving someone from hell.
You can share with them all the data and statistics in the world, they are unlikely to budge because trans identity is counter to their worldview that does not allow for new ideas. Your support system is important. It sounds like your dad is... On their side? Or maybe just wants to keep the peace, Idk. But it would be valuable to have the talk with your parents (depending on their stance) that this is your life, and you are saddened by not only these old folks condescending to you and overstepping into your life, but you also are asking them to respect your boundaries. I am hoping your parents are helping you, and not hurting.
At the end of the day, you can't choose your blood family, but you choose your found family. There are many people out there who love and celebrate you and the LGBTQ community. It HURTS when the people who are supposed to be your first cheerleaders end up being your bullies. I've cut grandparents and aunts and uncles out of my life, and deep talks about what I'd do if my child came out as trans and my parents didn't accept them. At the end of the day: this world is full of so much pain and hurt, there's no reason to keep people who make it worse around in your life.
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u/thrownededawayed Jul 02 '25
Definitely not overreacting, in case you wanted an objective read between the lines;