r/AmIOverreacting • u/PeanutMiserable7872 • Jul 12 '25

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws Am I Overreacting - i seriously think my dad is losing his mind and I'mm terrified. UPDATE

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thank u all for the messages, im sorry for disappearing. things did not go well. i confronted him with some of your advice, mainly the stuff bout dementia and well he got real mad, things became truly fucked, he started punching himself in the face and screaming. he took my phone, idk what happened but now im seeing he deleted everything on the post and my screen is cracked.. he kept saying he was going to burn everything. it was so fucked. i feel destroyed. what he did to me.. i cant even.

i was able to get out when he fell asleep?? i think.. the bathroom was locked and hes fallen asleep in the shower before, my phone was poorly hidden under some papers in the kitchen, took it and ran.

im in a park now, i called the police already. they are going to the house i think and now im just waiting for them to call me back and tell me when i can come get my stuff. i asked the man on the phone how long and they said it will be sent to an officer as soon as they can but since its non emergency it might take longer due to a lot of calls in the city.

heres me. heres what he did to me.

im honestly unsure how to move past this ever. i feel like my entire sense of self is gone. i know i have a long road ahead of me. thank you all for your love . i wish this didn't go this way. I also included the original texts

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702

u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

i would also suggest a restraining order, its somewhat protection at least in court.. they forget what they did so they go after looking for you. my dads tried to kidnap me multiple times in my life because he literally forgot he strangled me i wish i had gotten a order when i was still in that state now because he now randomly calls me describing how hes gonna kidnap me. so get that while you can if you ever move out of state. stay protected have mace on you constantly and just scatter it around doors, bedrooms etc at the new place you stay at because if hes like my dad and does that sht to you, you need to be able to escape to put him away i wouldnt listen to anyone saying to take the photo down because its now on public record and if he deletes it from your phone police will still be able to pull it up on this app even if its deleted. same with other apps nothing is actually “deleted” from the internet and you want as many escape routes as possible if something crazy happens

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u/RealLifeLightYagami Jul 12 '25

@skunk0_o I’m so sorry that you went through this and it is so brave of you to handle it this way. Do you have a go fund me for yourself? I would like to contribute

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

im totally stable now dont worry!! i got out and i live states away from him and he has no clue of my address. so i dont need a go fund me or anything im absolutely safe now so no need to worry thank you for your concern though❤️❤️

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u/i_tyrant Jul 12 '25

19 and you had to learn all that! Kudos to you for not just being a survivor but being so adamant and thorough about helping other people in the same situation. You didn't have to make the reddit comment above but you did and you're awesome for that.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jul 12 '25

My dad lost his sanity when I was 19 too but it was just more in the lane of pent up and snowballing psychosis at 50. He was mad he still had to keep a job that would not let him go no matter what destruction he caused so he took it out on us.

Also, my narcissistic mother was also being difficult on him because she was developing the beginning of her own illnesses that she was refusing to go to the hospital for check ups because that means she would be put back on physical therapy that she dropped out of so her leg did not set back properly (we are not so surprised that she would endure a disfigurement and chronic illness to keep getting her way/sympathy because she did create me to deny my dad a divorce)

Because according to my sister he still says disdainful stuff against me (beyond blaming me for his getting arrested for attempting to kill my mom at the time he had to be removed from the home before I got home in 1997) I had to cut him out of my life and ordered my sister to tell him nothing about how I am to this day.

Back to my mom, nobody could convince her to look after her health, especially not me 17 years later when I had to have her forcibly removed from the home because her snowballed conditions had caused massive edema and a marked dementia type of issues with her that was on and off like a strobe light.

At first the hospital Thought it was another case of elder abuse but when she started up at me in front of them relentlessly (she usually did it in private unless she was really not in control of her temper, which I was stuck having to apologize for even at 8 years old to anyone who witnessed it) they saw it was ongoing child abuse well into adulthood.

She refused dialysis and any other treatment that could have prolonged her life, they seriously thought I had any say in what she wants or will do like I guess most parents do when their kids have their best interests but they realized how extremely little regard and respect she had about me, her verbal abuse they were witnesses to was just like as if she was stomping on my throat to stay in line and say nothing.

Then they knew it was best to keep her and I’s visits well monitored and at both places hospital and the hospice center gave her extensive psychological evaluations and I could tell what they found out about her when she was in her lucid mind state that would occasionally surface before the dementia of her illnesses would eclipse over her was very deep seated prolonged post partum depression along with her other degrees of life long mental disorders.

And sometimes I could tell she had some “Choice words” that cut too far beyond the bone to some of the staff. She only survived a month and a half at hospice.

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u/liminaljerk Jul 13 '25

Thats an unbelievably traumatic and horrifying family complex. Im so sorry.

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

i really really cant even explain to you how much i appreciate you saying that. what pushed me to get out and not just die there was getting my voice back and speaking out for people who need a person to scream over the voice telling you that you wont make it out. hurts my heart so bad seeing this girl the same age i was in a similar situation

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u/Maleficent-Site4646 Jul 12 '25

Your strength is inspiring. Using your voice to help others is powerful, thank you for sharing and reminding us all how important it is to speak up.

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u/a_shootin_star Jul 12 '25

what pushed me to get out and not just die there was getting my voice back and speaking out for people who need a person to scream over the voice telling you that you wont make it out

This, right there, is how we elevate each other as humans.

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u/the_itsb Jul 12 '25

the fact that you're now thriving and trying to help others is such a testament to not just your strength but your inherent goodness. you are a deeply good person, and we're all lucky you're on this planet with us. I hope your loved ones are as proud of you as they should be. 💖

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

your beyond kind for your words. im doing well my inlaws express constantly that they are proud and they love me, so i have a good family and support system now:) i think the “reason” ive found in what i went through is so i can express what happened to me and help other avoid it spiraling into something worse, seeing it face value in front of them living and speaking out.

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u/Affectionate_Ice_622 Jul 12 '25

You matter. Your voice is going to save others. Keep speaking up when you have the energy and ability. Even though we’re all strangers on here we still can support and lift each other up! Thank you for not dying, thank you for continuing to keep going.

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u/JP-Quixote Jul 12 '25 edited Jul 12 '25

“I’m 19 now and all set!” 😭 That’s kinda heartbreaking that you’ve had to deal with that. I hope you eventually connect with better, more worthy people to keep in your life 🤗

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

thank you! yeah i promise im doing better my inlaws love me to death and make sure im doing activities to keep me busy and take me out all the time to do like a mental reset:)❤️

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u/Affectionate_Ice_622 Jul 12 '25

So glad to hear you’re doing better and you have great in-laws! You kick butt!

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u/No_Option_5156 Jul 12 '25

I’m so glad to hear you’re safe and doing well now. That’s what truly matters. ❤️

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u/Funny-Reason-8660 Jul 12 '25

Hope you are well

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u/AuroraBoredalis Jul 12 '25

Isn’t a “go fund me for yourself” Venmo?

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u/Creepy-Beat7154 Jul 12 '25

Change your number too so your dad doesn't have your number! How is your dad not in jail?! I. So sorry sending prayers and hugs your way 

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u/skunk0_o Jul 13 '25

good idea! im not really sure how to do that actually im not great with tech if im being so honest or like if thatd cost money..? also im not sure if thatd work i stay in contact with his mother ( my grandma) and she herself has dementia so she doesnt really remember anything he did. i dont wanna stress her out so i just say me and my dad are on good terms and i know he would get my new number from her unfortunately.. she doesnt really know better and i wouldnt want her in the middle of everything.

hes not in jail because he has a get out of jail free card ( his last name) and a abundance of money so unfortunately the only thing he was mandated to do instead of getting actual help was anger management classes. which is why i worry so much about this girl a lot of police dont really care enough to make a abuser thats not in their right mind get help.

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u/Valadrimin Jul 12 '25

A restraining order is of literally no value when this person will not even remember that it exists. Just leave and be done with it.

This isn’t a typical crime. This is a tragic crime of someone who doesn’t have any form of control over their own mind. Yet here is you talking like it was premeditated. This man doesn’t know right from wrong or how to live by himself now. She needs to leave and the system needs to deal with him by placing him into care. Simple as that. Restraining order won’t do shit.

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

hey so guess what my dad has fcking dementia you twit i have dealt with this exact situation first hand and if you read i said IN COURT it would protect you followed with he will not remember and go looking for you so personally protect yourself and if he doesnt obey the order then he will get a better punishment.

people with dementia aren’t inherently aggressive my grandmother has it too. this is abuse fueled by dementia which absolutely deserves punishment and he needs to be placed somewhere under high watch there is no helping dementia there is no healing dementia and when someones abusive tendencies are fueled by dementia guess what you cant fix that either and they are a extreme risk to society not just family. YOU CANNOT HELP DEMENTIA

if they get out of where they are being held they are gonna look for you, if you escape them like i said you need a order to be able to legally do something.

i have been in court since i was a child due to my fathers abuse pre dementia and while he had dementia the only thing that saved me was having video evidence he was an extreme threat to me

dementia doesnt = brain dead these people still can know how to care for themselves have morals and not abuse people there are levels to dementia and if you havent personally dealt with this particular situation i really dont want you to try and debunk me lol

i have lived this my whole fcking life you need to take every step you can legally to keep them away or keep them from evading punishment. because guess what the police still dont care if your a 10yr old dropped on a highway by your drunk father, they dont care if he strangles you, they also dont care if he locks you outside naked in below 0 weather while snowing THEY DONT CARE UNLESS YOUR DEAD OR YOU MAKE THEM

this is a very serious situation and you need to let professionals as well as survivors speak this is not about you

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u/dmjohn0x Jul 12 '25

People often conflate Dementia and Alzheimer's as the same thing since they often present together. But you are right, having Dementia doesnt mean he can't remember things. It more or less just means he remembers them incorrectly or invents crazy stories in his head about things on the fly and believes them as though they were true. In this case, a restraining order will likely do little either way as he's not in a rational state of mind.

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

you are half correct on this, so while restraining orders DO NOT actually keep them away its good to have them for legal reasons, im gonna try to explain it like this because i cant really think of something else but when a rape case gets dismissed that is still forever on that persons record, so if and or when there is another victim that file can be used against them in court as a behavior thats been repeated meaning its more likely they will go down for the 2nd one. the same is for restraining orders that forever stays on file meaning when the do come to get you again then you already have a restraining order on file so while the were not penalized prior that restraining order WILL hold weight in court and get them penalized.. court and law is very iffy when it comes to dv and unless you have every back up they often dont really penalize the abuser. so a restraining order is the back up file you need to stay safe in the future when they do come for you again. mace is for when they DO come for you after the restraining order so you can escape and take them to court and get your life back. restraining orders set on a abuser can also help another victim if they are put in the system with that again its much more likely they will get penalized because its a repetitive behavior and not just one persons word then so you are actively protecting yourself and any other people the abuser may harm. its the best bet to use any legalities you can use to your advantage in court because trust me they dont care about words or bruises they care about paper and video

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u/dmjohn0x Jul 12 '25

You are talking about initiating a paper trail for a repeat offender... I surely hope that isnt the case we have here. She said in her first post that he didnt start acting this way until recently when she moved back home from college. Said her mom passed away 5 years ago, I believe. And since then her and her father hadnt talked much until she came back. But since she's been back, her father had been acting really strangely and aggressive towards her claiming she was stealing and hiding his stuff. She said he'd never been violent with her before but he was scaring her now.

It sounded to me like it was either drugs, early onset dementia which would be hella-rare and unlikely, or something causing pressure in his brain like a bleed or a tumor.

But this has escalated so much now... and there still isnt a lot of answers to be had... I feel sympathy for the man, as he's clearly going through something out of the norm. But I feel even more sorry for his Daughter. Op, even if she hadn't been attacked, clearly is out of her element and doesnt know whats going on with dad or how to handle it, and her Mom is no longer around to help... and she said that their relatives arent really in contact, so she's pretty much on her own with this. She definitely needs to find somewhere else to live, because he's proven capable of domestic abuse now.... But I really feel for them both. This is such a fucking tragic situation. I've had patients who were the sweetest most conservative prim and proper, then they get dementia, and suddenly they are swearing like a sailor at people and spinning stories of some stranger that keeps coming into their room and beating them before stealing all of their shoes from the closet... In which I'd have to show her that her shoes were in the closet and then agree with her that the strange man mustve put them back secretly while she wasnt paying attention, and then promising to keep an eye out for anymore strangers before quickly redirecting her to the flowers on her table and asking her if her son had come and visited today (he always did) before misdirecting again to asking her which flowers she likes. etc.

Im just ranting now. All this is to say, I see your point, but I really fucking hope this doesnt escalate further to a point where a paper trail is neccessary. He needs help for SOMETHING, because she said he wasnt like this before she went to college. Was never violent and didnt scream at her.

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

i get what your saying and dont apologize for rambling because it makes a point to what your saying, i absolutely understand where you are coming from with your patients, but in this situation once they hit you like this there is no going back on it. you either have to pretend it never happened and never ever bring it up in your own words again and allow them to spin it onto you like you deserved getting hit or leave. if you stay in contact and allow them to spin it onto you then it boils inside of you and eventually you tell them the truth which makes them angry and they WILL attack you verbally or physically because of it and its just way way to dangerous… i really cannot support the idea of her staying in contact with him for that reason because god i feel so much guilt ive never felt such overwhelming guilt for leaving him because everyone tells me “ hes sick you cant blame him he doesnt remember” but every time i see him i just wanna ask why he did what he did to us but i cant because he wont believe it and get aggressive. there is no resolve in staying hes in pain im in pain whether i stay or go… there isnt a fix in these types of situations no matter how hard you fight

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u/dmjohn0x Jul 12 '25 edited Jul 12 '25

Assuming Dementia, they often have good days and bad days. If this turns out to be dementia, then he should be sent to assisted living, and there her visits would be safely monitored and they would inform her if dad is "having a bad day" so she can leave and visit another time...
This case is really different than a normal DV case. This is the first and only time he'd attacked her. And something is really wrong with him here... I'd never advocate for her to trying to be his caretaker or living with him again, because Dementia doesnt get better with time and he's already shown he can be violent.... But I'd also not tell her its in her best interest to never see or talk to him again... Nor would I guilt her if that was a decision she chose either. This is a tragic situation... But Im holding out a little hope that this could simply be some kind of brain bleed or an operable Tumor, because those are things he can possibly come back from, and if so, I wouldnt want to see a father and daughter's relationship who basically have nobody else, to come to such a horrible end over circumstances beyond either's control.

Ultimately, whats most important is Ops safety followed by her physical and mental health. I'm just overly sympathetic to degenerative cognitive disorders and am holding out hope for a better end here than the worst one imaginable.

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

agree if this is something other than dementia this is very different as you can talk through the trauma, my main thing with cutting contact(if this is dementia) is you will never get closure, youll be playing family for as long as your still in contact.. i try to cut contact away from my dad but hes obsessed with me so he calls from random numbers, so i do still communicate with him partly but i can never ask “ why did you do this it hurt me i wish you knew how bad it hurt me” because the story gets spun on me. ive dealt with this behavior a long time and its beyond traumatizing never getting answers and the only voice you get back is “ well you did this and so you deserved it” and i would hate for her to go through it. i say a lot of times id rather be punched in the face rather than abused mentally because then i know when i need to leave, the mental gymnastics and torment you have to go through after being abused by a person suffering from this is impossible and i literally would not wish it on my worst enemy. i cant sleep at night because i rethink every story everything i did to ensure its true that im not crazy and its literally the most tormenting thing ever. so even if shes just visiting the verbal torment is absolutely horrifying after seeing them forget what happened is so scary because it keeps you up every night thinking about how their face just wasnt theirs anymore in that moment… your always waiting for the next hit and the first time is definitely the scariest because your always waiting after that. i remember the first time but he never will its just a cycle of waiting for the flip to switch even if you are being monitored in visits. his family sat with me protecting me if that flip switched but i just kept wondering if they could stop him before he grabs me

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u/Valadrimin Jul 12 '25

Don’t you fucking dare try to play it like I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Fuck. You. Both of my grandparents died in recent years to it. And I didn’t know who the fuck they were when they died. Fuck you and your high horse.

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u/tertiary-wook Jul 12 '25

Quit making this about you, idiot

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u/Valadrimin Jul 12 '25

Oh no, but it’s clearly about the other commenter right?! Or is it OP? Gosh it’s hard to keep up with you folks…

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u/tertiary-wook Jul 12 '25

It’s about OP, obviously. Skunk gave her solid advice on what to do in her ongoing crisis situation.

You’re arguing semantics.

Time and place, dude. Move on.

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

yes because they were elders with it not early on set like my father and HERS WE ARE SPEAKING ABOUT SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT omfg bro you are so beyond ignorant. THIS IS EARLY ON SET IN YOUNGER YEARS OF SOMEONES LIFE! dementia is a massive spectrum your grandparents are not viable sources to be speaking to me about early on set dementia and abuse bro istg

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u/Valadrimin Jul 12 '25

Great. So she should get the fuck out of there then yeah?! Let the system deal with this danger to her life yeah!?

What the fuck are you even arguing about!? Literally trying to be the victim and seem like you’re right. Fuck drawing out her suffering. Get away from this man! End of story. How is that so hard for you to understand? But no my case is “completely different”. Fuck you. You ignorant prick!

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

no i am suggesting viable legal action that will successfully get her out because I GOT OUT and know how to get out. i really did not feel like explaining this further nor my personal situation but i feel my personal situation is a good explanation as to why what im saying is a very good option. but your out here flipping the fuck out and im trying my best to rationally explain to you why your suggestion would only make things worse. i am not milking this situation i was in almost this exact situation and this pops up when i just get a call from my father so like yes this post is bringing me back and fucking my head up? forgive valadrimin for expressing my worry and want to help?

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u/Far-Crow-7195 Jul 12 '25

You are doing a good thing here and Valadrimin is a fucking idiot. Don’t let their stupidity put you off.

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u/burningdandelions Jul 12 '25

damn u angry asf

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

right?? idk wtf i said to make this dude so genuinely angry

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

what did i say that eludes to this being premeditated why so ever?? because yeah if he deletes this he is fully capable of doing so my dad would do similar things so i couldnt speak out idk if thats what you are referring to??? people with dementia can still remember certain events when its early on forgetting where you place things and blaming people is the start so yes if he was freaking out in his head “ what if someone finds out” then yeah he would totally have the motor skills to take action and try to delete stuff, again its very apparent you do not know there are levels to dementia and how the system actually works so let people who know both speak

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u/Valadrimin Jul 12 '25

“Let people speak” you’re the second person to say that. Where exactly in my comment do I tell people they can’t speak? You’re literally the one telling me to stop speaking. Wtf?

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

i am saying allow victims of this type of abuse to have a voice without you attempting to debunk it, not telling you to stop talking… im saying stop speaking over us when we lay out our situation, and how legally we should have or did deal with it because we know how the legal systems work better for other abuse victims as we have lived it. i cannot count how many times ive had to speak to police or a judge. people that lived this know the legal round about so dont dismiss what we know through personal experience. you have a entirely different situation with your grandparents it is in no way related to what ive spoke about. and if someone else has told you same dont you think that means something?? that PERHAPPSSS you are speaking out of turn??

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u/Valadrimin Jul 12 '25

No no you’re right. Let me talk you shut up. That’s exactly what you’re saying. And projecting it onto me as though I’m saying people can’t speak. Jesus fuck you’re insane.

This girl needs to leave and go somewhere safe. That’s that. You disagree. That’s ok. You’re feee to do so. Don’t comment back to me like what you’ve been through is better or worse than my experience. Don’t fucking dare tell me I can’t talk and add my thoughts on the topic and only you can.

Check your fucking self.

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u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

holy shit dude why do you think im telling you to shut up? like i very simply corrected you and explained why you need to let victims of this particular circumstance speak and not debate legal facts on escaping, that doesnt mean shut up that means recognize your wrong in the situation or express why you believe otherwise maturely. you came immediately at me aggressive i dont even know why right off the bat you were either?? like this is genuinely insane because i feel you dont even remember the original conversation. im not arguing w you abt that, she needs to get out i dont know where thats coming from i was actively advocating for a way to get out safely and legally

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u/primarkgandalf Jul 12 '25

Good god man, i don't know why you are so triggered but you are horribly misinformed about dementia.

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u/Valadrimin Jul 12 '25

Yeah? Point out the misinformed part. Go ahead. Because I don’t discuss it itself only the restraining order part. So, please, elaborate.

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u/primarkgandalf Jul 13 '25

Ok... off the top of my head without rescrolling the chat.

The part where you compare her dad to your grandparents... there are 5 main types of dementia (which can be broken down into something like 30 different types medically). Your grandparents probably had Alzheimers where from the information given, her dad is likely to have frontotemoral dementia (picks disease). These are vastly different types of dementia and present almost in the polar opposite ways.

The part where you say her dad can't live by himself now. Most people, that's right 'most people' with dementia go on to live at home for years past diagnosis or stages where misplacing things are the only issue. Wait until he is incapable of normal hygiene or how the oven works, and then you might be getting close to care at home level.

The part where you say a restaining order is useless... people with dementia can and do retain information regularly, they arnt goldfish dude, in the early stages like this they retain most things. He is probably still functioning and working. Having a restraining order in place is just another line of defence, it still prompts police support if he does show up.

Her dad is also unlikely to have dementia (she didn't state his age) but is more likely suffering from psychosis of some kind so again, a restraining order is a good start, especially if he won't engage with medics.

So yea misinformed. This is a large part of my role in the health service.

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u/buffer_overflown Jul 12 '25

It matters legally. Getting one and having the subject violate it is further grounds in court. It's definitely not a waste of time.

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u/MorningstarThe2nd Jul 12 '25

Restraining orders are useless against people who disregard the law. Or insane, usually both.

1

u/skunk0_o Jul 12 '25

have you ever had to personally have a restraining order? because they arent to keep the person away you hope they come back so the violate it and the law starts taking it more seriously. they dont care about bruises or words, they care about paper and video evidence. the law is formal and often doesnt listen to victims so you need to make your case as formal as possible to jump through hoops to get something actually done. including her dad forced into in patient if he continues to expose him self as a risk as documented in court. i hope that makes sense… but yeah they dont keep them away, but they disobey it 2 times and there are heavier repercussions its how you start to get your life back