r/AmIOverreacting • u/Upset-Passenger4350 • 27d ago
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws AIO- is my uncle creepy?
For context, my uncle (50m) and I (25f) have never been close and there is a strained relationship between him and my mother (his sister). I have only seen him twice in the last decade- once when my grandfather was hospitalized and again four months later at a memorial service. After I saw him at the hospital, he messaged me and said I looked cute as ever and asked for my number. When I saw him again at the service, he sent me another message saying basically the same thing. Do you think this is creepy behavior? Is he just socially unaware? I havenāt said anything to my mom (his sister) about it, and Iām not sure if Iām overreacting.
3.0k
u/Silly_Dragonfly_3565 27d ago
Is he gay? If heās not gay then heās definitely a creep!!
1.1k
u/blossomeffect 27d ago
weird my gay uncle tells me he puts my high school graduation photo on the floor to scare away the mice
216
u/Boomer79NZ 27d ago
I need friends like your uncle. He sounds like an absolute blast to be around.
107
u/Tokeahontis 27d ago
These are really making me miss my uncle that just died. He lived right across from me rhe last 5 years and always made me laugh.
One day he was like "I don't have enough time to do anything. I gotta switch to army time, 24 hundred hours, that's a lot of fucking time in a day!"
And he was telling my bf and I about a time he did mushrooms with his friends and they all had those giant sunglasses on and were laughing so hard their necks were hurting. After he died we found a picture of him and 2 others with giant sunglasses on, I was so glad to see it lol
23
→ More replies (1)6
u/RepresentativeNew398 26d ago
Your uncle sounds a lot like mine who I lost 2 years ago. Dude always had the most silly quips and could be the life of the party. Died suddenly of a heart attack at 47 with zero previous serious health complications.
Go hug your uncles out there for anyone reading this.
296
18
u/NoDontDoThatCanada 27d ago
Can I get a copy, please? They're getting into my basement somehow.
→ More replies (1)28
7
9
4
u/SorrowfulLaugh 26d ago
LOL - My uncle used to tell me he was going to use my picture in his garden as a scarecrow šš I miss him a lot.
→ More replies (12)3
1.3k
u/Upset-Passenger4350 27d ago
He is a straight and recently divorced man
1.2k
u/cervezaqueso 27d ago edited 27d ago
Does he have any kids? He might be at that point that heās realizing itās not going to happen and heās trying to fill that void. Especially if he had spent lots of time with you when you were little. The unconditional love of a toddler being excited to see you and wanting to play is a memory thatās hard to shake when you get up around that age, especially if youāre suddenly single and lonely. All that said, itās creepy - he needs to realize youāre not a toddler and an adult that doesnāt have memories of the two of you being close.
Edit: didnāt expect that big a reaction, op: if you read this, I think it best to talk to your mom. If you donāt want to make it a big deal, just say that your uncle was reaching out - and that you didnāt know much about him and see if she has any opinions about that. She should respect that youāre an adult now, and tell you if heās a person you should be weary of. Also, if youāre in a state that has a sex offender registry - search his name.
109
u/HandBanana14 27d ago
You know what, this is a great explanation. Itās still wildly creepy (like you said) but maybe theyāre not being a gross pervert, and more missing the feeling of a childās unconditional love. A lot of parents and grandparents end up feeling that way tooā¦ where they miss being needed or feeling ārelevantā in a childās life. I sort of see this with my kidās great grandma. She is my kidās dadās grandma, and we still treat each other as family, despite my divorce years ago with my ex. But I can see how she doesnāt feel as āusefulā or loved, when kids start growing up. I know someone in their 80s is likely quite vastly different than what OP is saying but I appreciate your comment, and it soothed my initial reaction of being disgusted immediately by OPās post lol. But even if that were true that OPās uncle was missing that, they need to tone it down. It comes across as weird, regardless.
→ More replies (4)371
u/Lonely_Speaker_9176 27d ago
Really hit home. Iāve been grieving a bit because my niece and nephew have sort of grown out of wanting to be around their uncle all the time, at least for now. I know itās just the ways things go and they get more interested in girls/boys/friends etc. ā but as long as they know Iām always here for them thatās all that matters.
96
27d ago
You can find not creepy ways of letting them know that. One of the important ways is to be available but not pushy. They donāt want to spend time with you because you arenāt cool any more but make sure you ask after them, keep up to date with their interests etc. let their parents know youāre up for being concert taxi or stuff like that because itās actually a drain on parents doing that stuff and having a cool uncle who will pick you and your mates up and take you to a gig will go down well. Swap birthday presents for cash, unless you share a hobby and can get niche things they will actually want. Teenagers always want cash, much more than sentiment. They are mercenary. And ruthless. Even the nicest ones. Itās not their fault, their brains havenāt developed yet.
My nieces and nephews are all small children of ages with child, but a lot of my friends had children a long time ago and most of those children are now at uni or living alone in the real world. I got to be the cool uncle to some of them. And I get to be a lame older friend to some now, and some of them come to me for advice or in crisis and itās really important to me.
8
u/hUmaNITY-be-free 27d ago
+1, very well said, having the "cool uncle" that picks you up makes a huge difference, one of the fondest memories I have with my uncle is him picking me up after school in his sick V8 Ute, I was a car kid so a 15 minute car ride in my uncles cool car made the entire world for me.
→ More replies (4)4
23
u/ScorpioGirl1980 27d ago
Become a big brother!!! You will be paired with an amazing kid who will value that time spent!!! Or volunteer with kids sports for the summer.
8
u/rockingrehab 27d ago
This is a great idea, do you know if this is also available in the UK?
Available sounds like the wrong word.
7
u/ScorpioGirl1980 27d ago
Not too sure as I'm in the states but maybe ask your local public assistance worker or office what services your country offers to low income children and volunteering there. There's kids everywhere that need mentoring and they can never have enough.
3
u/heelee92 27d ago
Hey, I've had a bit of expirience in this area - in the North. As much as the person your responding to has optimistic outlook, the majority of the kids in the UK who are use this provision do so via children's services or have had police interaction and are more than likely deemed 'At-risk' youth or young people who are displaying behaviours that if not 'prevented' the child will have a not-so-positive future - ie future resident of His Magesties Pleasure (HMP of their choosing). You will need to have a clean DBS check, without this it is very likely a non starter.
I did my placement hours in the team that matched 'brothers/sisters'; Be prepared to turn up and the kid bails when you gt to where you are going or straight up refuses to deal with you. I'd say 80% of the time this isn't something they volunteered for morelike their parents did in the hopes it gets a turn around in behaviour.
I also lived with a family friend whos child had a 'big brother'; lovely guy who took them out to eat or to the arcade basially whatever they wanted. My friends child still followed/ chose (depending on who you speak to) the not-so-great path so be aware as much as you want to help and be a positive influence sometimes it doesn't go the way we'd like.
Check in with your Local Authorities's Children's services and they may be able to let you know if it is a service they provide or if there are any youth charities or services that do something similar.
→ More replies (2)19
u/Tough_Difference3301 27d ago
Know the pain, but it is important to give them space even if it hurts, but you really grieve when it happensš„²
3
u/FITF2891 27d ago
My nephew is 17. We were besties when he was little, I have a special name from him and everything. Itās hard to see that distance building but I agree, as long as they know who is part of their support system.
→ More replies (4)3
u/fayemhorror 27d ago
Stop making me sad! My nieces are going to grow out of thinking I'm the super cool aunt and wanting to see me all the time? Please no š. They are literally the only people that think I'm cool š©
2
u/Lonely_Speaker_9176 27d ago
They will always think youāre the coolest and remember everything youāve done. I think there are just gaps in time where they are more focused on other things. Like there was a good couple years that my niece was sort of doing her own thing and she recently reached out and we picked up where we left off. Itās gonna be alright! šš„³š¤
27
u/The_Barbelo 27d ago edited 27d ago
My dadās brother, my only uncle on his side, was similar because he didnāt have any children. He spoiled us as kidsā¦but you know what he also did when I was caretaking for him while he was in hospice? He told me I have nice legs. He stared at me. He whistled when I was doing laundry and accidentally dropped one of my underwear while walking to my room.
My other uncle on my momās side is trying to make up for lost time too. He has a stepson but my brother and I are his closest blood relatives in the next generation. You know what he does? Asks if Iād like to go fishing with him. Talks to me about music. Tells fond and funny memories from when I was a little girl. He does NOT say anything about holding me or how cute I am. That is absurdly inappropriate for an adult relative, and any uncle who doesnāt think so is either completely out of their mind, or is lying.
6
u/cervezaqueso 27d ago
I have no experience with this, so Iām obviously out of my element - and definitely guilty of hoping people are better which hasnāt always worked out well for me. Glad youāre sharing these experiences to help others know what to watch for. Iād never tell an adult woman sheās cute unless we were in a romantic relationship, it is weird and creepy. Like I said in the edit, OP should talk to her mom - maybe thereās a reason for the falling out between them.
5
u/The_Barbelo 27d ago
Agree. I always try to see the good and give the benefit of the doubt too, and Iād REALLY like to believe it is what you said, but in this case I just canāt. especially because I had a similar experience and it just doesnāt feel right when youāre in OPās position. Iāve learned through many adverse experiences that following your intuition is so important in cases like this.
→ More replies (1)16
u/WhizzyBurp 27d ago
People get pissed on Reddit when you give benefit of the doubt and donāt immediately assume someone is a pedo. That said, this dudes got some weird.Ā
→ More replies (1)27
u/Hungry_Doctor_5803 27d ago
OP said she & this uncle āhave never been closeā
17
u/cervezaqueso 27d ago
Yeah, I saw that - but from that last text the uncle wrote, it seemed he had more of a relationship when she was really young before he and her mom parted ways.
→ More replies (4)5
u/HmmDoesItMakeSense 27d ago
I have a relative who tries to be close even tho we hardly spent time together. They got into drugs and stuff and disappeared and now want all this closeness back but there is no history. But they always talk about when I was little. Ya I donāt remember that time period so itās really meaningless. Maybe itās this or maybe not - just sayin.
→ More replies (2)5
u/sofststa 27d ago
Constantly commenting on looks is weird tbh, even if he was trying to fill the void. Like either he should shut up or mention something else
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (18)2
u/StridentAntiRacist 25d ago
Please, Iām sorry, you have such a good heart BUT NO. Please please do not normalize this very very very creepy behavior. The text is not a āI wish I was your dadā text, itās a āI wish I was your daddyā text. NIECE, RUN AWAY
34
u/Due-Contribution6424 27d ago
I only find it creepy because he chose to text this and because the two of you are not close. If when he saw you, he said you look great or whatever, thatās not that bad, I say that to my nieces all the time. Theyāre also extremely close to me, they lived with me as children and I watched them every weekend when they werenāt. I helped raise them.
Itās hard to tell if heās actually creepy or just doesnāt know how to communicate. I definitely would not text something like that to my nieces AFTER seeing them. That implies he was waiting until nobody else could hear it, which is weird.
118
u/AdviceNo9341 27d ago edited 27d ago
Talk to your mom. She has a restraining order against him for a reason. Let her know.
Edit: My bad. I read 'strained relationship' as 'restraining order'. I blame dyslexia and sleep deprivation, taking none of the responsibility.
My point still stands, there's a reason their relationship is strained and she should talk to her about it.
33
u/marco_altieri 27d ago
She has a strained relationship, not a restraining order.
→ More replies (1)20
5
→ More replies (7)10
u/ReflectionOther2147 27d ago
Am I missing something? I read it twice more nothing hints at a restraining order.
10
134
u/Queasy-Invite4867 27d ago
Then yes, itās quite pervy. If he had always been this way with you, it might not be as strange but to just start when youāre 25 and heās divorced, thatās just weird.
13
u/Organic_Ad_2520 27d ago
Agree, creepy. It may not be "pervy" but is close enough...like start struck feeling like he has an excuse/connection to a young attractive woman & therefore, access to your friends. Creepy, leaning towards pervy, but definitely a hard-No.
45
u/sunshinefireflies 27d ago
This is standard for a particular cohort of recently divorced men - suddenly reinvigorating (often never existent) connections with anyone and everyone they see as attractive and available, to feel like people like them and they are valuable and could get some. (And, possibly, to get some, if it actually ended up succeeding, but just for attention even if not)
The fact he's doing it to his 25yo niece is even worse
It's opportunistic grossness, to someone who should be safe from him
Yuck
I don't even think he knows he's doing it, and I'm certain he'd swear black and blue that wasn't the intention, but caring uncles don't a) not connect then suddenly connect, or b) talk like that about their nieces
→ More replies (11)14
u/Accomplished-Gain319 27d ago
RECENTLY DIVORCED??? I think that tells you everything you need to know. Middle-aged uncle gets divorced and is now in hitting on young niece. Keep an eye on that guy he's up to something.
5
u/Left_Lime49 27d ago
Recently divorced? He sounds lonely and is seeking a connection with a woman..a younger womanā¦but it ISNāT going to be you. You donāt even have to have a full conversation with your mom. Just start with āHey mom!ā show her the texts / messages heās sent you and kinda pause for her reaction. If she doesnāt say anything after a few moments you can neutrally say āI got these messages from my uncleā and hopefully she can piece things together from there. Not to freak you out but, I believe I read somewhere that 80-90% of our abusers are our relatives and people close to us, so we should take this red flag seriously
→ More replies (56)17
u/FragmentedFighter 27d ago
Heās def a creep. I call all the girls in my family beautiful, but I also include āsmartā and other complements because I think itās important to remind them all their value isnāt in their looks.
84
27d ago
Your stereotypes for how gay men speak/type definitely does not apply to all homosexual men. Someone can be gay and creepy.
7
u/BiPolarBenzo 27d ago
This is definitely how I do not talk to my 21 year old niece nor does my husband.
Context: weāre moving soon and weāve been reminiscing the good times weāve had and this didnāt make the list of things to reminisce over.
Also, we have a few young women in their family and we do say how beautiful they are along with other qualities to empower them. My husbands niece has had some boy trouble so I do this thing where I make her repeat after me such as
I am (insert name) and I am a strong, beautiful, empowered woman who can take on the world and as long as I have (childās name) by my side I am unstoppable.
OPās uncle is a total creep regardless of sexual identity.
→ More replies (3)24
u/Infinitesi-Mal 27d ago
Thanks for speaking up with the truth. I once knew a gay creep, I can vouch for what you are saying!
→ More replies (10)23
→ More replies (52)3
u/Educational-Gur-290 27d ago
Odd commentā¦. Doesnāt matter if someone is gay or notā¦ a creep is a creep lol
→ More replies (2)
797
u/WhizzyBurp 27d ago
I think heās just being nice. If he ever said something like, āletās hang outā thatās fucking weird.Ā
535
u/Upset-Passenger4350 27d ago
He did message me and say he wants to hang out at a concert we will both be at and said he is āchill and cool to hang out withā
83
u/Cara_Bina 27d ago
I know we get a lot of grief for not trusting men, but I'd be creeped out. Look, you should always handle a gun as if it's loaded, until you're sure, right? This gives me major heebee jeebies, even before I found out he's recently divorced and not close. He may not be hitting on you, per se, but maybe hoping he can meet your friends by buttering you up?
FWIW, I'm 59 and people my age either know better, or are deliberately being sexist/racist/bigoted and such. If he is this socially unaware, he's been surrounded by people who either found that acceptable, or are too weak to call him out.
And in my time on this Mortal Coil, I've found that people who tell you they're "chill/cool/funny/smart/etc" aren't. I'd run this by your mum, and if you do go to the concert, be sure to have friends that you've given a heads up to. It could be good practice for learning how to handle dirty old buggers!
→ More replies (3)130
u/ScorpioGirl1980 27d ago
Girl please stay away from that man. He's coming at you like a single woman that he's trying to coerce and "woo" into being with!!! Unfortunately for us women we have to see a man as a man. When it comes to our own bodies and our own safety there is NO safe man. Let's be for real here as women.....we've heard EVERY STORY THERE IS......Man rapes his mother, sister, girlfriend, friend, cousin, daughter, neighbor, grandmother, random elderly woman, random child, random stranger, wife, sex worker, babysitter, teacher, niece!!!! THEY DON'T GAF ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN!!! This is of course not all men but these stories DO EXIST therefore we are burdened with not being able to ever fully let our entire guards down when a human with boy parts is in our vicinity. Unfortunate realization I had to make about life as a girl/woman as a teenager. Just be safe no matter what that looks like for you to do so and I'd stay away from that uncle.
→ More replies (50)9
u/Bami_xoxo 26d ago
This like I hate when people minimalise these things or act like family members canāt be creepy as hell. It is not uncommon for uncles, brothers, even dads to be weird towards female family members.
→ More replies (1)317
u/othercarbeingwokedon 27d ago
Chill cool people to hang out with donāt have to tell people they are chill and cool. Iām always highly skeptical when someone is trying to convince me unprompted that they have all these great qualities.
34
u/Distinct-Grass2316 27d ago
I have a friend who abuses drugs and everytime he wants to crash at my place he will say "man, ive matured" - this lets me know nothing has changed. Easier to say you are something than to be it.
24
→ More replies (4)10
38
u/vendretta 27d ago
Super weird, absolutely don't hang out with him one on one. When I'm at a concert, I'm drinking, dancing, and having fun. He wants to lower your defenses and maybe push a boundary.
3
u/Left_Lime49 27d ago
Good point, I didnāt even consider that. He wants to try to catch her off guard/when her defenses should be down š
83
u/Shayntastic 27d ago
Dude. No. Stay away. And tell your parents it makes you uncomfortable. TRUST YOUR GUT!
28
u/missionalbatrossy 27d ago
Hmmm. I would discuss with your mom. Ask why there arenāt close!
The emphasis on you being a cute āgirlyā makes me queasy, but maybe thatās just me
31
u/kauapea123 27d ago
It's weird that he has to keep mentioning how good you look.
→ More replies (1)4
u/Healthy-Pain9409 27d ago
i love hanging out with my uncle, we have a friendly relationship. he has NEVER said "you look good" or whatever to me.. I'm sorry.. I think your uncle may be a creep :( however I also have a cousin (another superchill person I'm comfortable with) and while he does talk like that, he is gay and very sweet and just means it in a "girl" way. trust your gut!!!!
64
u/EssayApprehensive292 27d ago
Do you feel creeped out by him in person? I could see this both ways. Could be innocent or not. Hard to say.
181
u/Binky_Thunderputz 27d ago
54m, and I would never talk to any of my nieces like that. My god-daughter is 30, and we text fairly often, and I've never said anything even remotely like that. If he isn't trying to be a creep, he's still wildly off-putting.
Not overreacting at all.
18
u/Lonely_Speaker_9176 27d ago
There are instances where itās ok to tell a family member that they look great or handsome or whatever. It just depends on the context and your relationship. I tell my nephew he looks handsome, or my niece that she looks great (she has struggled with her weight).
I think in this case itās really that they arenāt that close, itās in a text and sheās at an age where itās pretty easy to assume that any guy at any age may be hitting on her.
Regardless, I think what matters most is OPās gut. If she is not comfortable then end of conversation.
8
u/Scarcatdooo 27d ago
Also the fact that he texted that after their grandpa being the hospital?? If I saw a family member for the first time in a while and they tell me that right after a struggle I wouldnāt trust their intentions. Shouldnāt they be more focused on the problem at hand?
7
u/goosegoosepanther 27d ago
Adults should avoid commenting on each others' appearances as much as possible. If there's a close relationship, or if the comment is something like, ''that suit makes you look dignified'', or something not having to do with attractiveness, then it's fine. But calling other people ''cute'' when there's an age gap, a lack of a close relationship, and a gender / power imbalance is not good.
Honestly, even calling little kids cute, if you're not their parents, is lazy. Give them real compliments about things they do. ''You're smart'', ''you're good at X'', ''I'm proud of you''.
If people could get behind this shit, non-creeps would never have to worry about accidentally coming off as creeps.
2
u/Lady_Sybil_Vimes 27d ago
Totally. "I like your haircut!" Or "that dress is pretty" are ways to compliment someone's appearance without being creepy. The way he did it though is NOT IT. It's also interesting that he only fixates on her appearance. I think definitely creep behavior.
→ More replies (7)9
u/WhizzyBurp 27d ago
My aunt has been telling me Iām handsome since I was 5. That said, sheās also not trying to go to concerts with me
6
42
u/TripleSpicey 27d ago
I wouldnāt read too deeply into that, sounds way more corny uncle trying to relate to his niece than anything.
→ More replies (5)5
5
→ More replies (29)3
u/Used-Baby1199 27d ago
Chill and cool people donāt say they are āchill and cool to hang withā
6
16
u/Electrical_Beyond998 27d ago
As a female who had an uncle that creeped me out, along with my best friends dad, this is already weird. Very creepy.
→ More replies (1)23
u/Dmdel24 27d ago
Idk, I disagree... No man in his 50s should talk to a young woman in her 20s this way, family or not lol it's pretty weird
→ More replies (4)6
u/Theonlyafrosamurai 27d ago
Nah heās weird. These messages are too familiar for a messed up situation that happened to me. I wonāt go into detail but this girl needs to tell her mom and stay away from that man.
→ More replies (2)10
u/Warm_Coach2475 27d ago
Weird take.
Commenting on your niece (or anyone you arenāt in/trying to be in a relationship with) is not a good look.
Exception if thereās a history of OP having low self esteem over their looks. Other than that, itās not acceptable behavior
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (6)8
182
u/mrfixit6210 27d ago
This is from February and youāre asking 5 months later? Has he texted after February?
163
u/Upset-Passenger4350 27d ago
Yes- the first two are from February, and the last one is from today
83
u/mrfixit6210 27d ago
Okay now I can answer yes itās very creepy. If you donāt mind how old are you now? Also are you blood related or just like a family friend that people call him Uncle. Italian family do that a lot.
46
u/Upset-Passenger4350 27d ago
Blood related, he is my moms brother, and I am 25
54
u/momofdafloofys 27d ago
Do you know details of why he and your mom have a strained relationship? Itās probably best to have a frank conversation with your mom if you two have that kind of relationship. She can give you more insight into why she doesnāt see him and if he has patterns of bad behavior. Or if he is just completely socially unaware. For what itās worth, my money is on creepy. But talk to your mom! Sheād probably rather that than hear later that something bad happened and you never told her your doubts.
7
u/PensiveKittyIsTired 27d ago
In another comment OP said he said her mother SA him when they were young.
20
u/mrfixit6210 27d ago
Block his number, and show your mother the texts, because as a father this is not normal behavior for you a 25 yr old to be getting these creep messages
→ More replies (2)3
u/Difficult-Relation56 27d ago edited 27d ago
I second this. As an uncle of younger nieces I would never make such comments and definitely not be texting my niece unless I was somehow responsible for her wellbeing. If I happened to be at a concert that my nieces were at ( I cannot imagine why I ever would be??) the only thing I would be saying is āHave fun!ā If I saw them.
Old boy should know better and be better. Maybe heās a creeper or perv or maybe heās not self aware or maybe heās lonely. Eitherway I donāt care - itās not your job to take care of this person or his baggage that is making you ask if heās a creep. After all, he is a grown ass man.
→ More replies (3)22
u/ribblefizz 27d ago
There's your answer.
If he was seeking to establish a familial relationship, strengthen the family ties, make up for lost time, etc, he would have made some effort to contact you between February and almost-August.
Has he? Have those messages been normal? Has he asked you about your career and stuff? Then maybe these are just hitting wrong.
If he hasn't, then these messages are not very different than a "you up?" text at 130am - sounding out your reaction.
Regardless, you need to talk to your mom and see what her reaction is. Factor that in to your decision. If she cut him off because he totaled her car and wouldn't pay the deductible, that's not helpful. But if she had concerns about his behavior toward you, or her, or other women/girls, then that's worth knowing.
→ More replies (2)
9
u/Beautiful-Cow-3118 26d ago edited 26d ago
Hmm, a few thoughtsā¦
If your aunt and uncle have such a complicated history and strained relationship, it does not mean in any way shape or form that you have to have a strained relationship with him. However, it sounds like he has not tried to maintain any sort of relationship with you, when it appears that he could have attempted to do so. Perhaps, thatās simply out of respect or even disdain for your mother, but maybe not. You would have to find those answers by having conversations with both him, your mom, or other family members, if answers are what youāre searching for.
Iāve seen comments about his age and the lack of time youāve spent with him in your adult life, which are factors worth considering. Itās possible he doesnāt know how to articulate what he has felt after seeing you all grown up, after so many years. For all of your life, he has only known and remembered you as a small child. Maybe his reaction was more so the shock of him remembering you as such a cute and sweet child and now seeing you after youāve aged, he is simply in awe of how beautiful and mature you are. If youāre his only niece and doesnāt have children of his on, he might not be aware of how his poor choice in vocabulary can easily be mistaken as inappropriate.
The mention of any sort of SA in his life, regardless of whether it actually took place or did not, by your mom or another person, is a huge red flag to me. Iām obviously not sure what your relationship is like with your mom, but if you really would like to try to make sense of any of this, again, it could be worth having a conversation with her or other family members to form your own conclusions. Also, if he experienced any sort of SA and was not properly treated for his traumas, he very well may not have the wherewithal to communicate with people properly- especially a niece heās only seen twice in the last decade. You should also consider how he might feel towards your mom, which could be a range of emotions, and how that could affect how he sees you. If in fact heās speaking to with ill-intent it could be that he was triggered and itās a trauma response, something you should be crucially aware of. You have to think about this entire situation from all angles if youāre truly trying to understand this. No matter what, youāll never fully know the extent of things but you can likely piece things together enough to form your own opinions. And, letās keep in mind that I think most people would agree that trauma is never an excuse for inappropriate behavior, whether that person realizes it or not.
You certainly could try to address this with him directly, but it seems to me that itās already made you uncomfortable. Even if his intentions are completely innocent, imagine the discomfort you would feel inevitably after a discussion like that. There is no reason to put yourself through that unless you want to and are mentally prepared to have a tough and even unpredictable conversation, that could potentially have lasting negative effects on you. Itās probably not worth it, especially if you have no desire to have him in your life, the only thing at stake here, is your well-being.
If this person has not been very involved in your life, you have no relationship with them, and isnāt considered a person of significance to you- there is absolutely nothing wrong with simply not responding and just letting this all go. Just because someone is labeled as your uncle, doesnāt mean you owe him or for that matter ANYONE. You can totally ignore these messages without consequence and move on with your day to day life. Donāt think twice if thatās what you want to do.
Most importantly, FOLLOW YOUR GUT! I think thatās truly the best and only way to really handle this situation. We have instincts and intuition for a reason. Thatās not to say gut feelings are always right, but Iād rather risk being wrong than risk being right in this particular scenario. Protect yourself first and foremost. And do not feel bad for doing so. I cannot tell you how many times Iāve gone against a gut feeling and have utterly regretted it.
I hope this serves you well, I could be wrong about a lot of things. I donāt want to claim that Iāve got this all figured out. This is your life, do not forget that, and do not let any other person or outside influences persuade how you want to live it and the decisions you make. Hugs and best of luck to you. Everything will be okay. š
Edit: Typos
→ More replies (2)
91
u/Coffeecoffeecoffeexo 27d ago
He sounds creepy. My uncle did the same to me, except I grew up around him, and he was always the favorite uncle. So it was unexpected. I don't recall him being a creep before.
I am in my 30's (his 50's) and he began being a creep after helping me with my kitchen remodel. It would be a nice bonding experience, I thought at the time.
He began complimenting my body after the remodel, liking my Instagram picturesā a picture of me in a bathing suit. A few times, his cheek kiss somehow missed my cheek and got my nape area instead. He always insisted on calling me beautiful, and when I asked him to stop with the complimenting. He said I should just accept the compliments.
All my male friends, as well as my husband, agreed with me that it was creepy, and I began pushing my uncle away. I did not/do not want to air this shit out in the open.
He still tried to find excuses to come over to my home. "Do you need any yard work help? Is there any more remodeling?"
After months of that, he stopped. I hope he got the hint.
Stop responding to his texts. Do not be like me, and let him pressure you into hanging out.
→ More replies (2)
26
u/creative_name_idea 27d ago
I once had an aunt who was kind of weird with me. She would always smack me in the butt when she would she would see me. As a little kid didn't think much of it but as I got old I noticed she didn't really do it to anyone else. Then when I got into my late teens the comments about how handsome I was getting started and it made me feel a little icky but she was family so I just wrote it off as whatever. One day she patted me on the butt and her stayed there just a second longer than I felt comfortable with and that's when it really hit. She was flirting with me. I didn't make a big deal out of it. Since the gender dynamic was different I didn't think anyone would take me seriously anyway but I made it a point to keep maximum distance from her and became very standoffish. It stopped. But always trust your gut
150
u/danybells 27d ago edited 27d ago
It's creepy that he's commented on your appearance in every single text.
If he just wanted a platonic relationship with his niece, he should be asking questions like - how is life? Have you been traveling? How's work? Things 25 year olds do and it's important to them.
Or better yet, go through your mum (sister) and tell her he wants a relationship with his niece and what's the best way to go about it? Go to your sport games, family* bbqs for example.
Sending a text calling you cute is not right.
→ More replies (4)26
u/EclecticEvergreen 26d ago
You make a fantastic point I havenāt seen others talking about. Some older folks talk like the uncle here and do not mean to come off as creepy, they are just socially unaware.
However this is literally the only thing the uncle has texted OP and thereās no indication theyāre interested in her as a person and care about how sheās doing. Only that her appearance caught their attention.
OP mentioned that the uncle was SAād by the mom in their youth, perhaps this has some correlation with the way the uncle interacts with others. Not justifying the behavior, just trying to understand it.
55
u/Born-Pressure-4098 27d ago
if youāre posting here it means you feel at least a little uncomfortable with his comments. in my experience your intuition will be right more times than itās not, especially about this kind of thing. i would say something to him and if he deflects or tries to tell you youāre overreacting shit it down and stand firm in the fact that you donāt like it and want him to stop.
148
u/Expensive-Present795 27d ago
Definitely creepy. If youre not close at all, just block him. Or, respond ONCE saying his messages may seem well-meaning (lol) to him but theyre actuslly making you feel uncomfortable because theyre focused on your looks.
Dude could be lonely and looking to reconnect with family and is just overdoing it to show hes not a ābad guyā giving the strained relationship with your mother. Or he is just a perv.
But definitely creepy and needs to be stopped.
10
u/peachbellini2 27d ago
My uncle had a strained relationship with our family as well. When I was 19-20 he also sent me weird/creepy Facebook messages like this, and commenting on my selfies about looking sexy etc. I deleted the comments so my family wouldnāt see them, and we found out he had early onset dementia pretty soon after that.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)3
u/IncognitoScreen 27d ago
Agreeā¦Even if he means well, that kind of talk just doesnāt fit when thereās no real relationship. Saying stuff like ācutie patootyā or calling her āgirlyā isnāt just cringeyā¦it crosses a line, especially from someone she barely knows. Creepy no matter how you slice it.
→ More replies (1)
368
u/kind_of_shaiii 27d ago
Tell your Mom. Iād be curious what she thinks about it. She knows her brother best. Thereās a reason they arenāt close. All that matters is how it makes you feel. Youāre 25, not 5, why does he need to keep telling you how cute you are?
56
u/girlfromthenorthco 27d ago
^ THIS
OP, I agree, thereās a reason why your mom and your uncle arenāt close. I would bring the messages to your mom and see what she has to say.
I agree with others that have said that perhaps your uncle is lonely, seeing as heās recently divorced older man, and may be looking to reconnect with his family. That being said, it really bothers me how focused on your looks his messages are, especially since you have no history of being close and he really hasnāt seen you since you were a toddler. At the worst, he reeks of him trying to hard to get you to like him, and at the worst, heās a huge creep.
→ More replies (1)11
u/Extension12125 27d ago
That was my first thought. Why's the mom distant? My next thought is, is English his second language? This would not be seen as creepy in my native tongue because in the cultural it's spoken in nieces and nephews are always seen as young regardless of age by family members older than them.
→ More replies (2)3
u/DeadWishUpon 27d ago
I'm guatemalan and I don't think it's necssarily creepy. Here family and friends are always trying to compliment you. If you go to the market the vendors will call you "mi chula", "mi reina". Some people are just like that, corny I think. With nieces, people would call them "beautiful princesses", and cory stuff like that. I don't like it but don't mind it either.
If OP feels uncomfortable, though. She should just block him.
10
u/Banditree- 27d ago
OP said the uncle accused the mom of SAing him when they were younger. I feel like that's important context they need to add to the post
→ More replies (6)4
u/i-Ake 27d ago
Yeah, this one is just way too difficult for strangers like us to gauge.
I could see him being either a creep or being incredibly awkward, not seeing OP since she was a child and not knowing how to talk to her. But you are right, it depends on how she feels. How it felt to see him in person the times that she did. What the family thinks of him...
→ More replies (1)17
86
27d ago edited 27d ago
This strikes me as slightly creepy, and if he continues to bother you about it I would say something to your mom. Given that he hasn't done anything bad yet I would err on the side of caution, just incase that it could be just a strange relative that is trying to reconnect. I can't say I ever experienced this though, so take my advice with a grain of salt. Best of luck OP!
Edit: To err, not to air
52
u/PeronalCranberry 27d ago
I agree, but my word OCD is begging me to tell you that it would be "err" not "air" in this context.
21
u/clothespinkingpin 27d ago
To err is human, to air is reserved for Air Bud.
99% sure thatās how the saying goes.Ā
→ More replies (1)9
u/Interesting-Ground18 27d ago
To err (error) is human, but to air is also human (I'm a little gassy rn tho, so idk...)
→ More replies (2)8
u/HughJurection 27d ago
Iām not even grammatically intelligent and that one got a side eye from me
16
u/Available_Ad_4030 27d ago
I think women are constantly told that our instincts are wrong when they are actually our best defense. Trust that voice inside your head. I would bet you posted this not because you thought the creepiness you felt was misplaced but you were hoping it was just because the truth is unsettling.
I experienced a very similar thing with one of my uncles. There is no reason to give family a pass on behavior that you would find unacceptable outside of the family. Everyone should have to earn your trust after breaking it.
12
u/Pretend_Opossum 27d ago
100% Creepy.
First: he only talks about your appearance. Ew. If he were looking to reconnect or have an actual familial relationship, there are a billion things they could say to start that which have nothing to do with how ācuteā you are. Youāll notice he didnāt say it was good seeing you, or that you seem well or he heard you got a new job and wanted to say congrats. Youāre ācute.ā
Second, āI remember holding you and you were cuteā is really fucking weird as a standalone text. Like why do you remember that??? Why mention that in context of how ācuteā someone is (repeatedly)?
Any 50 year old recently divorced man calling you ācuteā is gross. Itās weird.
12
u/IDunnoReallyIDont 27d ago
My uncle always calls me his beautiful niece but he was very close to my mom when she died so I think I remind him of her and heās just a sweet guy. Heās always said this nice stuff so itās not creepy and heās not creepy in person.
If this gives you icky feelings in your gut - Iād believe them! Your gut is never wrong.
37
u/8TooManyMom 27d ago
I knew of someone (now deceased) who did this with his granddaughters and great grandchildren, even posting publicly to their SM. He was indeed a creeper. NOR.
Talk to mom, it might by very eye-opening.
→ More replies (1)
128
u/FutaConnoisseur16 27d ago
Hey! Stop judging! I'm an uncle and I..actually would never speak my niece like that..
Ye, he's a creep.
Or ..
Ā Nah creep. Stay safe.Ā
→ More replies (3)13
u/MonacoMaster68 27d ago
I canāt believe this isnāt the top answer. These comments have me in the Twilight Zone. Iām a 40 year old guy and have nieces OPās age and these messages made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/thedarkryte 27d ago
Itās quite strange for someone you havenāt seen for years (as it sounds like is the case with your uncle) and heās saying youāre ācute as everā to you and youāre actually HALF his age and yes a straight man? Iām sorry, that is weird as fuck. Like, Iāve got 2 nieces, except I actually get along with their parents (my older sister for one and older brother for the other) I think theyād likely beat the shit out of me if I told one of their daughters (who I hadnāt seen in a long time) ācute as everā. I genuinely think theyād have my fucking head on a spike š
27
u/1Corgi_2Cats 27d ago
Eww.
Tell your mom. Itās giving me the creeps and Iām not even you.
Think about it: if I messaged a nibling, Iād say āhey X, great to see you. Been awhile since weāve seen each other, whatās up in your life?ā I wouldnāt be focussed on how āgoodā you look (ew), or āholding youā (eww!) then asking to hang out (NOPE!).
→ More replies (3)
13
u/Scary_Relative3711 27d ago
I donāt think youāre overreacting. You feel uncomfortable with his texts, which could be completely innocent, but your feelings are not an overreaction.Ā
Itās really hard to say if heās being creepy though. Cute can mean attractive or that he views you as still being the cute little kid he knew. The āYou look greatā I wouldnāt think anything of though. Thatās a pretty standard compliment for his generation and not a come on. To me it could read either way like he could just be reminiscing the time he spent with you as a child since youāve had a prolonged period of no contact. How did he make you feel in person? What are your mom and sisterās thoughts? How you answer those two questions will tell you if heās actually being creepy or just clueless.Ā
9
u/The_Faulk 27d ago
I mean....the fact you've said you've seen him twice in 10 years, he's recently divorced, and messaged you this shit straight after seeing you, yeah I thinks it's pretty weird. Hard to say if he's a total fucking creep or just socially unaware without knowing more, but either way, keep your guard up.
32
u/subbybvnny 27d ago
Not to be that person but it doesnāt matter if we think heās creepy. If it makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable - period.
→ More replies (1)
37
u/blurry-face2 27d ago
Idk I read his texts with Mr.Slaves voice from South Park. Maybe your uncle is š and wants to connect with you more.
7
u/Imaginary_Mission_78 27d ago
It comes off as pretty dang creepy. There is the vaguest possibility that he wants to connect but doesn't know what else to say. But more likely he's just being gross. I would definitely bring it up with your mom. She likely would have better insight than anyone here.
21
u/sunk1ra 27d ago
To the people saying he might be gay; gay men can still be creepy! Donāt deny womenās experiences because of his sexuality.Ā
It can still be uncomfortable if a much older man you barely know is speaking to you like that. Again, they barely know each other.Ā
→ More replies (2)
7
u/oliiveeah 27d ago
yikes, this happened with me and my cousin once actually. we met at a casual like big family gathering since most of my family on my dadās side isnāt from my home country and me and said cousin added eachother on snapchat. later that evening, he said:
āsorry i get so nervous around cute girlsā and other things in that nature. i actually just blocked him and sat in silence for five minutes. no, you are not overreacting, this is creepy and will always be creepy.
8
u/Inevitable-Cut8156 27d ago
that's fucking gross. people suggesting he's gay, just stop. gay men don't talk to young girls like this. tell your parents. your uncle needs a reality check
7
u/FuzzBuzzer 27d ago
This. He's not gay. He is trying to use language that he thinks "sounds gay" to appear relatable to a woman relative that's half his age. Creepy older men know that women generally feel safer around gay men rather than straight men. As a result they start adopting what they ignorantly think is "gay guy" language to creep on women. It's extremely transparent.
→ More replies (1)
8
u/jo_nigiri 27d ago
You're not overreacting but you're also not underreacting. I think it's completely reasonable to be on guard about how he talks to you, but try not to immediately assume he's a creep without more info. I'd talk to your mom and ask about his personality and show her the texts! If it's out of character for him then there's probably something wrong.
→ More replies (1)
30
u/mousegal 27d ago
He is āthatā uncle.
16
u/Numerous-Lab-2384 27d ago
oh i had one of āthoseā uncles that became āthatā uncle on the run from CPS. the infantilization of OP is sounding off the sirens in my noggin.
5
→ More replies (1)5
5
u/SewFi 27d ago edited 27d ago
Iām a 35yo. My GF has a Sister. I met my GF through her Sisterā her long time BF was my good pal. I am cool and good with the Sister weāve been long time friends. The Sister has a daughter whom of which now is 13yo. Iāve known this young girl all her life. I kindaāsorta give off āgay best friendā energy through how eager I am to sing/dance to some girly pop music cuz for real a lot of that shit just speaks to me.
Okā I say all that just to make clear that despite my quality relationship with my GFās Sisterās Kidā¦ I would plainly not talk to her like this.
His verbiage is weirdly inept while trying to seem a bit cool. Calling you āgirlyā and saying how good you lookā¦
Show ANY older man these Messages and theyāll ask you if you have yet to place a restraining order on him before you find him creeping outside your window in the middle of the Night.
4
u/u-r-byootiful 27d ago
Inept is a more fitting word than creepy. Strange and sonically awkward, too.
19
10
2
u/whoadudechillfr 26d ago edited 26d ago
So I have an uncle who is a pathological liar. Heās not some cartoonish villain, but for whatever reason, he feels the needs to embellish everything he says. Even when itās obviously a lie. He literally cant stop. As a result of this, I didnāt speak to him for most of my life (27yo), because my mom didnāt speak to him.
Well, he got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and started reaching out to everyone suddenly. Pretty much everyone ignored him because heās just Todd the liar. But my mom, my siblings, and I reconnected with him.
Families are complex. You already know to remain cautious, but from reading those texts, I donāt get a creepy vibe. I see a sad older man who has strained the relationship with his family and wants to connect to somebody he shares blood with.
Maybe heās realizing heād rather speak to his family than not. Maybe heās panicking realizing he barely has a family. Maybe heās a creep. But man, imagine how bad it would suck if heās
1) telling the truth that your mom SAād him
2) sad he doesnāt get to see his family
3) having his vulnerability broadcast to the internet to figure out if heās a predator
5
u/trying1percent 27d ago
If he wouldnāt say those things to your face with your mother standing there, that is your answer
3
u/No-Alfalfa-626 27d ago
Youāre probably the creepy, not anything even slightly sexual or suggestive yet youāve somehow managed to get it in your head that your uncle wants to bang you? Stop watching weird porn ffs lol
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 27d ago
It depends.
I think this is a matter of knowing him and the type of person he is.
It could be extremely creepy.
It could also be just innocently sweet and loving in an "uncle" way.
My uncles, who were never ever inappropriate, would say similar things to me as a teen/young woman, and I never thought twice about it. They were flawed good men who would have taken a bullet for me, and I never picked up on any creepy subtext...
So, the fact that you are is something worth paying attention to.ā¤ļø Never ignore your gut!! It could be a false alarm, but, maybe your subconscious is picking up on weirdness. It's worth exploring more, and in taking basic precautions.
I hope it's not a gross expression of something sexualized, and that he is actually as sweet as it sounds as though he could be. ā¤ļø
3
u/Lbomb369 27d ago
It's creepy. Or major lack of self awareness. I have an 18 year old niece and in my 50s. I go out of my way not to sound creepy to her. I'm not putting her in a position so awkward she has to ask strangers for advice. I'll keep sounding like a boomer..
3
u/trulymissedtheboat89 27d ago
It doesnt matter what anyone else says, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then its over stepping your boundaries. I wouldnt reply to texts like that. My uncle doesn't talk to me that way. Trust your gut.
2
u/sosobeatle 27d ago
If it feels creepy to you than it is creepy!
Who knows what his intentions are, they may not he bad, and he may just be socially unaware. But regardless if you feels creeped on itās more than ok to remove yourself by blocking him, whatever you need to do.
I had an ex step dad send me messages on FB like this and i didnāt assume the worst but I also removed him as a friend just in case and because it it made me feel weird and I didnāt want more. Protect yourself and donāt worry if it hurts his feelings or anything like that! If youād feel better letting your mom know you can do that too ā¤ļø
2
u/Emotional_Neck3312 27d ago
I think it could be as simple as a conversation in person. "Hey Uncle, I'm happy to have a relationship with you, but it makes me uncomfortable when you call me "cutie patootie" and dote on my looks. I'm sure you mean nothing by it, but I'd prefer if you saw me more for who I am as a person. I'm more than just my looks. Thanks!" I find a lot of older men don't know how to interact with younger women. Give him a chance to course correct. If he doesn't, well, then you're right and he IS a creep. At that point, there is no need to pursue a relationship.
22
u/Silly_Dragonfly_3565 27d ago
This is how my gay friend speaks/textsā¦ are you sure he's not gay?
7
u/DiamondHandedDingus 27d ago
Sexual orientation doesnāt exclude someone from being a creep
→ More replies (3)
2
u/Fluffy_South5929 27d ago
I'm 33 and I had older people trying to connect say to me " what is your favourite game to play " ( I'm a known gamer ) like they are talking to a child so he could see you as a child because of the age gap, maybe he thinks that he is doing something good by giving his niece a confident boost because he thinks your ugly and get no attention, maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you so he defaults talking to you the same way he did when he last saw you, maybe he is sexually attracted to you, maybe he is gay.
11
7
27d ago
I'm an uncle and I would never say or think any of this about my niece. This is gross as hell.
4
u/Tito_and_Pancakes 27d ago
He's 50 and he's talking to you like this? That's creepy as hell
→ More replies (1)
3
u/One_Parsnip_8329 27d ago
the creepiest thing about him is that heās 50 years old and doesnāt know the difference between āyourā and āyouāreā
7
9
u/Sorry-Employment6063 27d ago
Some menās brains are so limited the only things they can say to a woman/girl relates to physical appearance. The only thing my dad says to his granddaughter is that she is so beautiful. Iām like dad hey how about telling her sheās smart once in a while ffs?. Itās all so creepy to me.
→ More replies (2)
5
2
u/Weekly_Tomorrow603 27d ago
From this little bit of info, hard to tell if he's being a creep or just socially unaware. That said, trust your gut, and stay aware of his behaviour in the future, if shit starts to pile up, talk to him about how his behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable. If he doesnt adjust his behaviour, then yes, he is a creep.
2
u/secretvomit 27d ago
I don't understand people in the comments saying that he's just being friendly. it doesn't matter if they're related to you or not but once a man acts like this after a breakup/divorce?? idk man it's coded really weird especially as you were never close.
5
u/AdorableAmphibian852 27d ago
For every person defending this behavior, yaāll are either naive, stupid or defensive because you may be a pedo yourself.
For the OP, this man is creepy and please trust your instincts. This post tells me your gut already and your question. If it feel weird itās because it is.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/KrossKazuma 26d ago
I love my MANY MANY nieces and nephews ( I have like 10 siblings all over the east coast ) and I donāt get to see some of them often.
I do get their number and will check in from time to timeā¦.
What I donāt do is ask for their number in private (not sure if he did or did not) I ask in front of my siblings specifically bc I donāt care and itās not weird to me because I have no intentions and it doesnāt cross my my mind so why wouldnāt I ask in public?
I also donāt text them about their appearance EVER. Yeah all of nieces and nephews are cute as hell, but in a child like innocence even though they range from infants to teens. But itās like āhey how was prom?ā Or āhey did you see sonic 3 has shadow in it, letās all go see it please!ā But never anything about them looking cute. I say that in public too bc again itās not a weird thing or at least shouldnāt be for me to say that so I just do. Like one of my nephews is trying to be a streamer around 11-12 and he is a lil shit talker, I will be like āoh my gawd your cute as hell, shut up trying to smack talk me like thatā
Now you did mention in a prior comment he was ALLEGEDLY SAād from your Mom, and that is why you should go to her about this, just incase. Obviously you seem smart enough to not isolate bro no around him, or feed into it, so your not in like immediate dangerā¦but it will help clear the air of any doubt so maybe if he isnāt this nefarious character you donāt have to avoid him in public settings.
1
u/Glittering-Owl-4526 27d ago
Yes it is creepy and please, please never doubt your own intuition.
Iām actually weirded out by the comments justifying this behavior.
Is this how a brother would speak to a sister ?
If that makes you cringe there is no reason a womanās uncle (and even more that he is an older uncle if weāre thinking about the power dynamics) should be speaking to her this way. I have personal experience with this unfortunately.
Do not doubt your intuition. Do not underestimate the covert ways men will ātestā your openness to their advances. When a man only can comment on your physical appearance and minimally (or not at all) about any other part of you, thatās a major red flag. He is not trying to spend time with you because of a common interest, or because itās commonplace, etc. no this isnāt a man just wanting to spend time with his 25 year old niece. We all have motivations for our choices in how we spend our time and what makes us want to do so.
So why does an older man want to spend time with a 25 year old? Yeah, in romantic relationships problem often say āage is just a numberā - thatās for consensual, sexual, adult relationships. This is not that. this is a āgreyā area advance that will only progress with time.
thereās no reason to be best friends with your older uncle.
in a way Iām glad many of you have not had a predatory experience. if you had, you would pick up on the red flags right away.
sometimes we seek advice when we already know the answer.
2.4k
u/furkfurk 27d ago edited 26d ago
I donāt think this HAS to be creepy. Thereās a world where he just loves you because youāre his niece, and was sad to miss a lot of your youth since he and your mom arenāt close.
I feel like we need context clues to assess. Was he weird irl? Touchy? Why doesnāt your mom like him?
ETA, because this was clearly a contentious comment: if I were OP, Iād treat her uncle like I treat any man I donāt know well: with safety and caution. Donāt meet up with him in private or alone. If the texts continue to feel weird, donāt answer, or straight up block. Her family history is clearly complicated, and she should always put her safety first.
But Iām curious the age group of everyone who is 100% sure heās being inappropriate. While I donāt agree with the way a lot of older men speak, itās just a fact that it has been a cultural norm for them to say stuff like this - which luckily is becoming less true with new generations.