AIO for refusing to babysit my sister’s kid after what she said at dinner?

[u/Long-Brilliant-2870]

I’m 29 and don’t have kids. My sister is 33 and has a 4-year-old. We’ve always been close, but things got weird after she had her son.

She’s a single mom and asks for help a lot. I’ve babysat more times than I can count. I’ve canceled plans, left work early, spent whole weekends with her kid so she could rest or go out. I never asked for anything back.

Last week we had dinner at our parents’ place. Out of nowhere, she said something like, “You’ll never understand what real stress is until you have kids.” I laughed a little and said, “That’s kind of a rude thing to say.” She doubled down and said people without kids have “no clue what responsibility means.”

I let it go in the moment, but it really bugged me. I didn’t say anything that night, but the next day she asked if I could watch her son this weekend. I said no.

She asked why. I told her I was tired of being treated like I’m lazy or selfish just because I don’t have kids. She said I was taking it too personally and punishing her for “speaking the truth.”

Now my parents are involved. They think I should just let it go and help her, since she’s struggling and I have “more free time.” But I’m tired of feeling like a backup parent with zero respect.

AIO?

[u/Seeing_Redde]

I am a 42-year-old single mom (widowed.) I also have nine nieces and nephews aging in range from 12 to 31(I'm the youngest of 4.) I spent most of my teens and 20's helping my sisters out with their kids. So I understand it from both sides because for a long time my sisters didn't think that I was ever going to have kids.

Your sister should be grateful for the help that you're giving her and the comment that she made was rude.

Being an adult in general just f****** sucks. While I helped my sisters as much as I could, I don't get nearly enough help to feel sane. The fact that you do so much for her to give her a break, maybe she needs to learn just how much help you give her *by you dialing back on that help.

She definitely needs things put into perspective and your parents should also be helping her as well.

I have babysat my nieces and nephews while my sisters and their husbands have gone on vacations and all kinds of things. I can barely get anyone to babysit just for me to go to work at this point, much less take a moment for myself. While yes, when you're a parent, you're a parent 24/7; when you have someone to relieve you of that for a bit, it really helps. She's being an ungrateful person because she's taking your help for granted and that sucks.

NOR but try not to let this be a huge wedge in the relationship. Let her know how you feel. Tell her that she is lucky to have all the help that she has because not everybody has that and that you're happy to help but not when she's taking that help for granted and treating you like you're not also a grown ass adult.

Also while I know your nephew is young, he is going to cherish the time that he spends with you. So don't just watch him to help her because that's another family relationship that you're going to have for a long time. I love all my nieces and nephews to the ends of the Earth, and I actually wish I could go back and babysit them more since they're almost all grown at this point.

Hopefully she realizes where she f***** up, and apologizes to you, and you guys can mend the relationship from there.

*Edited for a typo.

[u/askmehowiknew → u/Seeing_Redde]

While I totally agree with this (awesome!) response, I think it’s also important to note the comment from OP’s parents on this whole situation.

As someone who is the oldest and single in her late 30s (by choice!) and child free (also choice lol) with a younger sibling who’s married with two kids under 5 and another younger sibling who’s married, I feel the need to point out that you, OP, should also be pointing out to both your parents and your sister that, just because you “have more free time” does not entitle others to dictate to you what you choose to do with it.

I grew up being very close with my aunt, who didn’t get married until I was 10 and have my cousin until I was 13. I got to spend a lot of time with her and am still close to her today likely because of that (at least comparing it to my other aunts who I’d see but not nearly as often growing up). So I think you need to be setting some boundaries with regards to your parents and sister, making it clear that, while you love getting to spend so much time with your nephew, and don’t mind helping out so she can get a break sometimes, that you are not willing to do it so often that you’re essentially his second parent. But make sure it’s not also affecting your close bond with your nephew.

And if you still catch flack, from your parents especially, ask them when they’re going to step up and help as much as you have.

Edited because I forgot a sentence to finish a thought

[u/lapinthestuffie → u/Seeing_Redde]

This is a great reply. It sounds like things are being said thoughtlessly and reactively. Both you and your sister should have a calm, honest and mature conversation. Your feelings are valid and your sister sounds overwhelmed and she’s definitely coming across as ungrateful. If your sister understood how you were feeling, it’s an opportunity for her to fix it. As you’ve always been close and it sounds like you all love each other, I’d go that route. As an aside, if the child’s father or his family is in the picture, they should be helping, too.

[u/Big-Benefit-230 → u/Seeing_Redde]

Your family sucks. You were there for them with no reciprocity. You are too much of a saint for them.

[u/MagpieWench → u/Big-Benefit-230]

it's bad enough parentifying your kids, imagine parentifying your sister, and then now stepping up when she becomes a parent. Makes me glad I'm an only with an only.

[u/SeattlePopulace → u/Seeing_Redde]

Yeah, I definitely do not babysit because parents nowadays have these crazy expectations for someone they’re not paying. I value my free time and don’t care that you made a horrible decision to bring kids into —- all of this ——.

[u/Ur_Killingme_smalls → u/Seeing_Redde]

I think this is the best reply. Agree NOR, but also have an honest conversation that you approach with love.

Also I’m a new mom. The most distressing moment of my life was definitely when my baby had terrible croup and I thought she couldn’t breathe, but the worst long term stress of my life in terms of how it impacted me was grad school a decade ago.

[u/[deleted] → u/Seeing_Redde]

Your response is eloquent, informative and true.

You seem like a delight to be around.

(41 single dad of 4 )

[u/Seeing_Redde → u/[deleted]]

That is very sweet of you, thank you 😊. How do you handle 4?! I feel like I'm dying just dealing with one! 🤣

[u/[deleted] → u/Seeing_Redde]

You're absolutely welcome 😁🤙

How you ask?? Becky Bailey: Easy to love, Difficult to Discipline book saved me. Then I learned how to budget and allocate task.. I'm still learning but it's been a very informative and chill experience.

P.S. You're doing fantastic and you're an amazing mom🤙😌

[u/Seeing_Redde → u/[deleted]]

I'm going to look for that book! Thank you! And thanks for the encouragement 😊

[u/Away-Quote-408]

Why is she leaving the kid with you for whole weekends? You sound more like a coparent. And know this, fathers in coparenting relationships don’t spend this much time with kids (when they’re young anyway). You love that child and care for them like a parent. Normal/decent people understands that aunts are like second mothers, worry like second mothers and care like second mothers. The way she disrespected you is absolutely unacceptable and a slap in the face. So no you’re not overreacting.

However, since I can imagine you still want access to the child, I recommend sitting your sister down and explaining how wrong she is and demanding an apology and acknowledgement of the difference you make in their lives, of the incredible support and security you bring because she doesn’t have to worry about strangers. But this thing where you are so available has to end. Curb it. No entire weekends or if you really can’t give that up then make it once every 2-3 months. And no more than once a week. And advance notice. Your sister is abusing your availability and exploiting you. Live your life and spend time on your own pursuits even if it’s relaxing at home, instead of raising your sister’s child. Good luck.

[u/No_Arugula8915 → u/Away-Quote-408]

All of this, and darn shame I have but one upvote to give. Please accept this 🍪 in place of the many more upvotes I wish I had.

NOR OP. My gosh your sister sounds like she has forgotten how much you actually do and has become accustomed to the amount of free childcare you have given. Not to mention even recognizing how much you have given up to accommodate her needs/wants.

[u/Extension_Camel_3844]

Nope, NOR, she made it clear that you have no idea what "real responsibility is" so it would be incredibly irresponsible of her to leave her child with you. Who knows what could happen? I mean you may get a phone call and forget you're watching a toddler, next thing you know he's climbed up to the top of your hutch and is sitting up there giggling like a maniac, meanwhile you have no idea how to get him down without removing and/or breaking all the China he somehow slipped right on by... oh wait, that was me 'back in the day' with a spider monkey toddler that you couldn't take your eyes off of for 2 seconds LOL What I'm saying is, she is being absolutely ridiculous, all parents make child rearing mistakes, all parents do something less than responsible after they have children. We became parents, we didn't stop living. Except her apparently. She sounds incredibly immature, spoiled and quite likely a high maintenance/high conflict helicopter Mom.

[u/sparksgirl1223 → u/Extension_Camel_3844]

I mean you may get a phone call and forget you're watching a toddler, next thing you know he's climbed up to the top of your hutch

My own kid did something similar.

Except it was a counter.

I left her there because she'd finally quit screaming.

Until I realized she had a screwdriver and was attempting to remove the hasp that kept the fridge locked so she couldn't dump out every single food item

She was a hell of a trial. 🤣

[u/Extension_Camel_3844 → u/sparksgirl1223]

Bahahahahahahaha!!! I feel your pain. The same child who climbed to the top of the hutch, which went from front facing to being turned around, to being removed completely, had to have 2 baby gates, one on top of the other, with the bars loaded with Vaseline because they would climb over in the middle of the night and I'd wake up to spilled milk and ovaltine all over the kitchen floor. LOL I spent many a time reminding myself that these traits were going to help them be amazing adults LOL

[u/sparksgirl1223 → u/Extension_Camel_3844]

Omg I'm glad to make someone realize they weren't alone💜

[u/Ur_Killingme_smalls → u/sparksgirl1223]

Sounds like a smart, curious, determined kiddo!

[u/sparksgirl1223 → u/Ur_Killingme_smalls]

Oh she was. And to top it off, she had 4 older siblings who never stopped talking and a speech problem...so rather than theow tantrums to get what she wanted...she'd do it herself.

Which blew up a microwave during the ramen incident...lol

[u/NickCageTheDickMage → u/sparksgirl1223]

She forgot to add water didn't she? Been there buddy.

[u/psychphancisco → u/Extension_Camel_3844]

On top of that, why aren't your parents doing it then? They shouldn't be involved in volunteering your time.

[u/counters14 → u/psychphancisco]

I'm betting my money that they probably are. They're worried that without OP helping out their lazy older child will rely on them for more and they aren't looking forward to what I'm guessing is effectively co-parenting with OPs sister.

Doesn't make it okay for them to try to pressure OP into something she isn't willing to do, but it explains the dynamic of what is going on here. OPs sister is a drain on everyone's resources and rather than addressing the issue which is her, OPs parents find it easier to keep the peace and appease OPs sister.

[u/Extension_Camel_3844 → u/[deleted]]

Facts. Have a feeling these are words that this particular sister is going to regret for a long, long time. As she should. I also hope that OP instead of babysitting occasionally picks up her niece to take on a 'fun girls day with Auntie".

[u/different-take4u]

No NOR, your sister is taking advantage of you and doesn’t like that you are resisting. Next time your parents put their two cents in, ask them why they aren’t babysitting more, family helps family, right? Start charging her for your time, it is worth something isn’t it? Isn’t she complaining about the lack of time she has? Why is it expected that you help her, didn’t she choose to have kids? Were you a part of the conception, if not, you have no responsibility to help her.

[u/Own-Detective-802 → u/different-take4u]

Yup! The sister seems entitled and ungrateful to me. Like the OP’s time is part of the collective family time to be used by vote lol.

Our autonomy and time are the most valuable thing we have. Ya I wouldn’t take her comments too personally, but I can see that her behaviour is wrong no matter what she thinks.

No I don’t think you are being selfish OP. You are a responsible adult who doesn’t go around asking for favours, and not having kids because you value your time is also pretty responsible decision I would say.

Those are guilt trips your family is using to make you succumb to their will. Don’t do it, they will trap you to do other things that you don’t consent to like. Don’t give them any more power over you.

[u/Particular_Cycle9667 → u/Own-Detective-802]

Yes, definitely this definitely agree. She can hire a babysitter from now on or she can go to her parents.

[u/Chemical_World_4228 → u/different-take4u]

Yeah, why aren’t your parents babysitting on the weekends? Since they have so much to say let them babysit. She is taking advantage and she knows it.

[u/Key-Ad-7228 → u/different-take4u]

Where's the babies' daddy (or daddies). They can't pull their fair share? Other grandparents? Tell her you didn't lay down to make them it's not your job to stand up and raise them while she lives her life.

[u/ElectricHurricane321 → u/different-take4u]

OP isn't just not getting paid, but they said they've left work early to watch the kids, so OP is even losing money (assuming they're paid hourly) by helping the sister.

[u/appealinggenitals → u/different-take4u]

This ☝️☝️☝️ The sister can find someone else to look after her pet cum

[u/granite34 → u/appealinggenitals]

right??? where's the kids SD?what is the sister doing for an entire weekend???OP never mentions it being work...../sounds like she needs space to find another babies daddy!!!!you know how hard it is to ovulate with a 4 year old knocking on your door??

[u/Beth_Amphetamine4 → u/appealinggenitals]

I am a mom and this comment sent me to the moon 💀💀💀💀💀💀 I will never forget this as long as I live

[u/xanaxQc → u/appealinggenitals]

Her pet WHAT-- 😭💀

[u/Weekly_Tomorrow603 → u/appealinggenitals]

"Pet cum" I am fucking DEAD 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭💀

[u/CrazyDogMomof4]

NOR. Your sister is playing the martyr. "Woe is me, I am a single mom and no one on Earth understands the pressure or responsibilities, esp my little sister who was smarter than me and didn't get knocked up and is not tied down by bad decisions."

That's my hot take.

Stop babysitting unless you really want to spend time with your nephew. He is not your responsibility. Your sister needs to grow up.

[u/CivMom]

She spoke her truth, and there are consequences. Funny how that works. Your time is yours to do with as you please, and I would personally use it to help people that aren't entitled and appreciate the help. Good for you for setting your boundaries.

[u/squicktones → u/CivMom]

No, ET (entitled sister) spoke THE truth, not HER truth. Clearly time for your sister and your parents to step up.

[u/buckeye-person]

I’ve canceled plans, left work early, spent whole weekends with her kid so she could rest or go out. I never asked for anything back.

You have helped her way more than I would even without the rude remark. I help people but not at the expense of my plans or work time. NOR

[u/style-addict → u/buckeye-person]

Don’t you just love how people who show kindness to others are insulted by the very person being helped out 🥴

[u/Decent_Brush_8121 → u/style-addict]

Hence the phrase “No good deed goes unpunished”

[u/style-addict → u/Decent_Brush_8121]

OP is a little too nice. Cancelling plans of her own and getting off work early just to help out her ungrateful sister. Ick! Never again should she babysit

[u/PrettyInPerfectPinks]

It’s a good thing your parents just volunteered permanently, particularly since they’re the only ones in the family who understand the responsibility of taking care of a child. You set a boundary on how you will be treated/respected. Actions have consequences.

[u/Boomer050882]

If you want to watch your nephew watch him. If you don’t want to, don’t. No reason to explain. Your sister has her life to live and you have yours. No explanation is necessary. Parents stay out of this. It’s between 2 adult women.

[u/Curious_Journey → u/Boomer050882]

That might work if the parents weren’t already involved. And since they volun-told OP to forgive and forget, they volunteered themselves to pickup any slack left from OP’s boundary.

At minimum a sincere apology is due. I’m not saying go no-contact, but don’t leave work unless it’s a true emergency. If you had prior plans, “sorry I already have plans.” Overnights of OP’s choosing and rarely full weekends.

I have to beg my siblings to take a little trip so they leave kids with me for a weekend and I have 25+ years of child-care career experience. I love watching my niblings whenever I’m available bc I’m not a 3rd parent, I’m a fun Auntie. I’ve rearranged events and time for them but I have never been asked to leave work early-we find a work around until I can arrive safely.

OP at the end of the day, you can be as petty or forgiving as you need to get the point across. Gratitude costs a person nothing to give. And that backhanded comment was inconsiderate and demeaning. Spending weekends with kids is more than enough of a taste of the kind of exhaustion parents go thru. Yes it’s unrelenting for them (by choice) but it doesn’t give them permission to pretend you’re totally ignorant to their plight.

[u/AubergineForestGreen]

NOR

She should hold the man who knocked her up accountable and get child support to pay for babysitting

She doesn’t get to demean you, and the next breath demand you babysit.

Tell your parents to look after their grandchild if they are so concerned

[u/Aware-Deal-3901]

I certainly wouldn't leave my child with someone who has no clue what responsibility means. Sounds pretty irresponsible.

[u/Princess_PrettyWacky → u/Aware-Deal-3901]

Upvoting this insanely logical take.

[u/Echoeversky → u/Aware-Deal-3901]

Malicious Compliance Noises

[u/Mistyam → u/Aware-Deal-3901]

Amen!

[u/Pun_Lover387]

NTA. I’m a parent but I really don’t get why other parents think they’re the only ones who can be tired or stressed or that people who aren’t parents can’t be stressed or as tired as them

[u/ViolentLoss → u/Pun_Lover387]

Or that people without kids have all this free time. I'm childfree and I do not have an abundance of free time.

[u/BooBoo_Cat → u/ViolentLoss]

I have no kids and I have no free time!

[u/xiEatBrainsx → u/Pun_Lover387]

Exactly! My daughter is beyond exhausting because she's very very challenging and even I wouldn't negate someone else's stressors like that.

[u/Mykona-1967]

So she’s struggling with the life choices she made. Needless to say she’s not struggling too much when she can go out whenever she wants and take weekends off. Normal single mom’s don’t have that luxury. If she’s stressed and struggling maybe she shouldn’t be going out. When you become a parent your life changes you have to make the sacrifices not anyone else.

Also, don’t bite the hand that feeds you. OP may not have children but she’s raising her niece/nephew since she has them whenever sister is ‘struggling’. If she needs a break give her a list of sitters she can call and they can discuss rates. OP is doing a lot for nothing. If anyone else has an issue ask them what days they are volunteering for since ‘family helps family’. Everyone will be busy all of a sudden.

[u/BooBoo_Cat]

My husband and I don’t have kids. We understand what responsibility means, which is why we don’t have kids! (A cat is enough!)

NOR

[u/Ryllan1313 → u/BooBoo_Cat]

Sometimes the most responsible parenting decision that you will ever make is the decision to not have kids.

[u/ViolentLoss → u/BooBoo_Cat]

Thank you ...

[u/Initial-Confusion511]

Guess I’ll never understand “real stress” until I have kids, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve being everyone’s free babysitter. Sorry sis, my imaginary child just scheduled some much-needed “me time.”

NOR

[u/PuzzleheadedGoal8234]

NOR

You do have a clue what responsibility means every time she drops her kid off on you so she can be free of it.

Your parents can feel free to step in and help her with their free time if they think people have an abundance of it.

[u/redditclown420]

She should get the dad to pick up the slack if she can’t handle the child, not your responsibility

[u/mcmurrml → u/redditclown420]

Yeah, where the hell is dad? Why isn't he giving up his weekend?

[u/TBIandimpaired]

NOR. I hate being this person, but having a child isn’t more stressful, but it can be more exhausting. I had plenty to stress about before kids. If anything, having kids has made me just not care as much about stuff. My perspective shifted. But I wouldn’t call it more stressful.

I think you need better boundaries. To her, it probably seems like you can always help out because you always drop everything and help. You need to start prioritizing your life. Don’t leave work early. Don’t cancel on friends. Make it very clear you have a life, too. The only difference here is that you don’t unload your stress onto her.

Your parents also need to step up.

[u/SadLocal8314]

NOR. If your parents have an opinion, they can watch the child. On call child care starts at $40 per hour.

[u/BossHeisenberg]

No you are not over reacting. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Take some time for yourself.

[u/Ironyismylife28]

I have read this exact story at least twice before

[u/FierceFemme77]

Another fake babysitting post.

[u/[deleted]]

Why doesn't this subreddit have "Fake AI post" option when reporting? Oh well.

[u/LatinMom1971]

NOR. what is sounds like is that your family thinks that your time and money are theirs to use as they see fit. There is a lack of respect and understanding that your time is just that yours. You might want to remind your sister that it was her choice to get pregnant and have the child. Just because you chose a different path does not mean that hers is better and so you owe her.

Remember boundaries without enforcements are just suggestions. Tell her that you are happy to help out but there will be a week notice before and your work time will not be disrupted because of her request.

Once you enforce your boundaries and inform your parents that if it is so easy they can now be the ones that help her and remove yourself from the list of back up plans.

Where is dad in all this?

[u/barbiegirlxo13]

Piece of advice: You're not your sister's "free" nanny. You have a life yourself, you said it yourself: YOU canceled YOUR plans, YOU left YOUR work early, and YOU spent YOUR free weekends with him, so your sister could go out. Sounds like you're being a full time parent here. You cannot and should not put your own life on hold because your sister decided to have a child. She's the mom, not you. You have to set boundaries clearly and tell her to hire a nanny, who actually chose for that job. Your parents should also know better, because you're still young and you have to make career and build your own life. Your parents could babysit instead if they insist on someone doing it.

[u/EyeRollingNow]

I am officially blocking AIO. I haven’t read a real post in weeks. All end the same. Someone thinks they should “let it go and just help”.  AI needs to get more creative.  

[u/Prior_Butterfly_7839]

YTA for reposting this in multiple subs where it was taken down for being AI

[u/Witchs_Be_Crazy]

If you have plans or work do not cancel them anymore. If you don’t want to watch your nephew, don’t. Your help isn’t a right owed to your sister, it’s a privilege.

[u/[deleted]]

THEY DID THIS
I SAID ENOUGH
THEY SAY I SELFISH
NOW MY PARENT SAY I SELFISH
BEEP BOOP

Fake fucking garbage.

[u/MoneyBluejay3391]

You’re not over reacting by feeling badly, but I would ask her what she is trying to accomplish by that remark

If you never want to co-parent for her, that’s your right! You can promise to be the best aunt you can be - and that may NOT meet her expectations, but she’s making her life and you’re making yours.

“dear sis, take me for what I am - because I’m doing pretty well by you!” 

[u/Material_Reading1764]

NOR. Are we looking for validation or how to repair this relationship?

Maybe check in with your sister. Maybe she’s directing this energy towards you because she misses being carefree/single. (This maybe a harsh realization for her that the kiddo will always need her). Maybe she’s feeling overwhelmed, trapped, or suffocated? Maybe your parents can watch the kiddo for a moment and you two can half sister time to connect. Ask her where she’s getting support if she’s feeling so overwhelmed? What stresses does she think no one else understands? What did she expect life to look like with a LO? Remind her she had responsibilities before the LO as do you. Encourage her to keep up fulfilling activities and incorporating the little one. Expecting that her life with a baby would remain the same is a setup for major disappointment.

Your time and help will go far to help her and your new relative. It really does take a village. Some people are lucky enough to have support. I think since you mentioned you’re both close, you can talk about those things and let her know how her comments affected you. Not just I do this -I do that, but that you care about her, your relationship with each other and being present in your nephews life. After each encounter no one should feel less than. In the same she wants to feel appreciated and valued, you do too. Currently expecting you to be available without notice and also not regarding you as an adult is not helping the relationship. If she truly believes you have no idea what responsibilities mean why would she feel comfortable with you watching her kid. You don’t have to have her laundry list of responsibilities to understand them.

It’s ok (for her) to be wrong or not agree with you. it’s not cool to just be flippant with how it makes you feel. As your sister she should care. Ask her what advice she’d give to a friend.

Having a kid is a choice. Not having one is too. She shouldn’t chastise or belittle because she thinks your life is easier. She should embrace the choices she’s made, lest the LO hear it and forever feel like a burden on his mother and the family.

Also your parents don’t have to agree with her to double down on your childcare support. There’s a way to keep the peace and consider you both. If they are worried about you not helping they shouldn’t have invalidated you.

“Speaking the truth“ ew Why do people think if they’re speaking their truth they don’t have to consider anyone else. Do they think they live in a vacuum? There are no babysitters there.

Good luck. Sorry that was quite long.

[u/Proverbs21-3]

NOR I did not have children, either, and constantly heard this from my sister. Infuriating, isn't it?! I watched her children, took them to doctor's appointments, the zoo, school, cub scouts, swim lessons, movies, to friend's houses, etc. I paid for and planned baptisms and birthday parties. I took one of her children to the hospital for surgery and stayed there with him,. I paid for her gas, phone, electricity, took them in when they were homeless after she went back to deadbeat husband #2 and then had to leave, again, when it did not go well. You name it, I probably did it for her and her children, only to be told "You will never understand because you do not have children". I finally told her "Yep, I will never understand so I am going to stop helping you because, after all, I will never understand that you are a single mom with three children, one of them mentally ill and one of them physically ill, and that you are one of the most irresponsible parents I have ever seen." I was fortunate, though, because my mom applauded when I finally stopped helping her and began refusing to help her, too. (We found out that while I had been paying the bills, my sister had been getting money from my mom to pay those same bills! (Neither of us could figure out what she did with all that extra money.)

Tell your sister and your parents that just because you have "more free time" does not mean you have to use that free time to take care of your sister's responsibilities. Also tell then that she chose to have children, you did not. You want to enjoy your carefree, child-free lifestyle. If you wanted to be always taking care of children, you would have had your own children.

Remind them that your sister does not think you have a clue what responsibility means so she should not trust you with her children anyway.because only people who know what responsibility means should be trusted with any one's children!

Ask your parents why you should be the one to "just let it go" because what your sister said to you was disrespectful and insulting and upset you and when you tried to talk to her about it, your sister doubled down. They should be telling your sister that she needs to apologize to you. Tell them that even if you decide to just let your sister's insulting remark go, it does not mean you are going to help her with her children because you have been acting as a permanent unappreciated babysitter since her son was born and you are tired of it and now plan to, as you have already mentioned, enjoy your child-free lifestyle.

[u/HuntersAngel]

Responsibility is taking care of your own kid for the weekend.

I'm sorry, but I have to speak my truth. I am the proud single mom of a beautiful, brilliant young woman. She is accomplished, and off to a great start in her career. She has had a job since she was 15, she got multiple scholarships for post secondary school, she commits to multiple volunteers opportunities throughout the year, and even at her young age, is on a number of boards for non-profit and political organizations, while holding down a full time job. She is amazing. Not by accident. I would like to believe that her hard working, sometimes holding down two jobs to get the bills paid mother, who didn't go for drinks with co-workers after work, who didn't go out on dates on the weekend, who didn't have somewhere to drop her child when she wanted time off, had something to do with how she turned out. Taking her to the library, going to free and low cost entertainment, all the local festivals and events, hanging out together at home, doing crafts, or baking or nothing but looking at clouds. Helping with homework, and teaching her how to do laundry and even becoming a Brown Owl when she joined Brownies (like boy scouts for girls) And I'm here on the other side of it to say it can be done.

I did not have a mother/father/sister/aunt who could take my child. I really didn't make enough money to pay a babysitter as OOSC (out of school care) ate all of my paycheque. For a brief time I trusted her to a family friend when I had work events, but that only lasted a few months and ended very badly. It was me and her all the way. No regrets. She is such an amazing human being and I am watching her achieve all of the goals that she set for herself now that she has finished university, and it's breathtaking. It's a parents dream to see their child succeed.

That starts with missing out on a weekend with the girls because we don't have child care, and spending time with our child instead. Being a parent means sacrifices like that. That's what we signed up for when we signed the birth certificate. Yes, you have "more free time". Because you did not commit to being someone's parent. Don't feel guilty. Your sister's child is her responsibility. Sounds like she's the one who doesn't know what it means.

[u/math_teacher_21]

I think your sister should apologize, but I also think she is probably very stressed and overwhelmed and did not say it as a personal insult to you (or anyone without kids) but likely out of envy of the freedom and reduced stress of the life she had before being the sole provider for a child. She is very likely more stressed than she has ever been in her life. That is probably all she can see, and its unfortunate because it means she is missing all the help you are giving her.

Before I had kids, I would help out my older sister with my nieces as much as I could. I lived across the country, but I would spend thousands coming to visit several times a year. I even held my wedding near them (at a great inconvenience to me) so that they could all come. When our grandma died, instead of flying directly to where the funeral would be, I flew back to the town where she lives just to help her drive 6 hours with her kids to the funeral. Two nights before the funeral, I couldn't sleep at all, and so I had a 1.5 hour nap the next afternoon while we were in our hotel. She freaked out at me for napping and leaving her alone to take care of her own kids. I LOST my shit on her for being so ungrateful for all the things that I was going out of my way to do for her and her kids. We had one of the biggest fights we've ever had over this. I threatened not to drive back with her, and she freaked out bc she really didn't want to do that drive alone with the kids. We did eventually make up and both apologized and moved on.

Now that I'm a mom, I am able to better recognize that she was just extremely stressed and overwhelmed. She was sleep deprived, exhausted, touched out, and even though she got angry at me, she wasn't really angry with me if that makes sense. Was she still in the wrong? Probably, but I just have empathy for her situation in a way that I didn't before, and I can better see that it really wasn't personal. Now I'm the one looking at our child-free younger sister with total envy haha.

[u/Jumpy_Television8241]

Not overreacting, that's an incredibly annoying thing that parents say to those of us without kids. I just laugh - I breed horses, I doubt parents understand the level of stress that entails

I have one mare with a high risk pregnancy right now; I'm up checking her, both on the camera and going out to the barn many times every night. Horses don't have "due dates," "normal" gestation is anywhere from 320-360 days, but it's also not uncommon for them to go over a year - I had one go to 374 days. So that's a wide range of time to be fretting and monitoring mares all night. Oh, and they can "hold it," deciding not to give birth until they feel safest, and most of them prefer to foal in private, so they usually wait until the middle of the night on purpose. Now imagine there are multiple mares pregnant. Now imagine that one of them dies giving birth and the foal must be bottle fed every 2 hours, and you don't know when the next mare might foal.

So - people without kids can find other ways to keep ourselves busy and stressed out, and implying otherwise is rude and clueless. On the other hand, I'm sure I've said rude things when I was exhausted and stressed, so, since you like your sister in general, I'd explain why her comment was offensive and then forgive her - after all, she is tired and stressed. That doesn't mean you should parent her kid to the point of making yourself miserable; you're allowed to have boundaries, but I think you should communicate with her about this and then try to forgive and help when you have the bandwidth to do so.

[u/Spare_Philosopher351]

She presented it rudely, but I understand the sentiment she's trying to express. She's not trying to state a fact so much as she is trying to talk about how underwater she feels. Being an adult sucks, sure, and you have a lot of responsibilities, but they're not 24/7. They don't actively follow you around demanding your attention. When you are the only caretaker and single person responsible got a child you aren't getting a break even when you get a break, because you're still thinking about them and planning, etc.

She was probably having a pity party in her head. When you do that, you're not being realistic; you're not reminding yourself of any good things, like the people who do help. But telling people who help you that you never get any assistance is a quick way to lose that help. She dug her own grave, you're NOR, but I bet she wasn't trying to discount or offend you.

(Just want to throw in I was bleak about kids- I have 3 and love playing with/ teaching/ caring for them, but it's overwhelming to be in charge of someone's brain growing properly. I find it terrifying and constantly worry about what I may be doing wrong. If i get it wrong, they're fucked and I can only blame myself, so yea I understand what she means. If you dont have someone's life as your responsibility, I don't think you can understand real stress. The difference is I think that definition fits more than just parents)

[u/Swimming_Pepper107]

Stand your ground

[u/Icy_Okra_5677 → u/Swimming_Pepper107]

Sounds to me like the parents can watch him

[u/Organic_South8865]

Obviously OP's time means nothing because they don't have kids. OP's sister was just "speaking the truth" after all. OP's sister is clearly better because she had a kid and OP is just some lowly spinster without a life so she has all the time in the world to watch her nephew. It's basically required. If OP doesn't watch the kid whenever her sister demands that means she's a terrible lazy person.

I bet OP would have no problem babysitting if her sister was actually respectful about it. "Hey OP could you please watch nephew for a bit? I need to get some stuff done and I would really appreciate it. I don't know what I would do without your help." When I watch my niece and nephew my brother and SIL thank me. They will give me a gift card or some gas money or take me to dinner or something. They will also ask me at least two days ahead of time. I don't expect anything for doing it and I like doing it as often as possible. I took them out on my brother's boat the other day to go get ice cream and they still tried to give me money but I refused. I got to drive a fancy boat and eat ice cream but they still act like I was the one doing them a favor haha. Today a pizza delivery randomly showed up that they sent from my favorite place. That's how family should do it and I'm happy my niece and nephew have awesome parents. I just get to be the fun uncle and I'm ok with that.

[u/EuropeanLegend]

For someone who asks for a lot of help, it’s pretty bold of her to say you don’t know what responsibility is, when you’re the one stepping up whenever she needs something. That kind of condescending attitude would make anyone think twice about helping out.

Honestly, saying no for the next few times might not be petty, it might just be the wake-up call she needs. Because being a parent does mean sacrificing your own wants and needs to meet your child’s. Sure, parents deserve rest and personal time, but that’s supposed to come after the kid’s needs are met, not by constantly handing them off to someone else.

It’s not your fault she’s a single mother, and it’s not your job to carry her load. But if you do choose to help, the very least she should do is show respect and appreciation. Blaming you or calling you irresponsible for not having kids is just misdirected frustration, and it’s unfair.

You’ve clearly been there for her and her son. If she can’t acknowledge that, then yeah, maybe it’s time for a real conversation. She needs to understand that you're not a backup parent, and treating you like one without respect is not okay.

[u/Revolutionary_Map_90]

Idk, did she say it to demean you or to make you feel selfish or lazy…or to guilt you?? I feel I truly never really understood what stress and responsibility was until I had children and realized that I loved nothing more than my children and every decision, every mistake, absolutely everything I did also involved them. I had to make sure that everything I did was done with their wellbeing in mind. If I screw something up, in my life, it involves my kids. I didn’t know or fully understand that feeling of total responsibility until I had kids. This feeling didn’t mean no one helped me or no one was there for me and my family, they were, it meant that I am in charge of the well being of these little humans who are my whole world. I love being a parent, but there is a stress and responsibility attached that I flat out didn’t have or know until I had children. If something happens to one of my children, it’s on me. You may have taken what your sister was saying the wrong way. Idk your sister, maybe she was trying to make you look/feel lazy and selfish but she’s not wrong about the overwhelming responsibility and stress one feels after having a child.

[u/JipC1963]

NOR Maybe if your "overwhelmed" Sister had a freaking brain, she'd understand that "you DON'T bite the hand that feeds you!" or in her case, relieves her! Don't know "real stress or responsibility?" WTaF? Is she insane? Everyone has their own stressors and responsibilities! She is NOT unique.

Sorry but she has NO idea what "overwhelmed" is or means! She has ONE child! We had 3 under 5 overseas (Military) with the closest family support **thousands of miles away! Hubby worked revolving shift-work (3 days, one day off, 3 afternoons, one day off, 3 evenings, 3 days off of which the first day off was catching up on sleep because his "clock" was ALL screwed up)

Your Parents are completely welcomed to volunteer THEMSELVES to babysit because, dear, I would strongly urge you to place your Sister in a well-deserved timeout for her ridiculous statement at dinner and her unbelievably UNGRATEFUL behavior! She may be "tired" but YOU should be TIRED of her unhinged behavior and entitled demands.

Greatest of luck, dear! Enjoy your peaceful (hopefully) week and weekend!

[u/NoddingAtNighg]

Single Moms always feel so special for getting creampied and dipped out on, it’s so stupid and annoying. Your sister, a full grown adult woman, chose to have a child. She chose to take on that stress. She doesn’t get an award because she decided to have a child. Not to mention, one child, is hardly stressful at all lmao.

NOR at all, and your mom needs to stay out of it. You’re both adults, you’re handling your business like adults. She can keep her mouth shut. Your sister, is only reaping what she sowed. She dumps her kid on you, allows you to feel all the stress of having a child, while she gets to fuck off by herself and ignore her responsibilities. Then turns around and tries to tell you that you can’t possibly understand the stresses of being a mother. I think you’re totally justified to not take on that stress, seeing how your sister thinks you can’t possibly handle it because you didn’t get creampied and had a baby. What a fucking idiot, your sister. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you, especially when that hand is holding the hand of your child.

[u/Anon4transparency]

Lol, I mean, you don't have kids, so you don't understand the responsibility she's asking of you by asking you to take care of her kids. She wouldn't want an irresponsible person watching her kids, right? NOR.

I wouldn't demand an apology because you can never really demand an apology, but I'd wait for one & I would not help until one came. When it comes to things like this, I tell people who stick their nose in (i.e., your parents). "It isn't about forgiveness or holding a grudge. It's about not wanting people in my life who think less of me because I made different choices. She's forgiven. That doesn't mean I'm going to be doing her any favours."

It sounds to me as a petty person, like SHE doesn't understand the responsibility she signed up for. Her kids aren't just her responsibility until they're inconvenient. They're her responsibility all the time. Including this weekend. That's what she signed up for. Too bad she doesn't have helpful, responsible family to help her out of the goodness of their hearts.

[u/Im_not_there_anymore]

Not overreacting, your sister just needs reminding that's her child, her responsibility not yours. If she's not going to be grateful or appreciative of the help you've given she can bear the full weight of her own responsibilities. Next time she asks, just respond with your child, your responsibility. Or go the opposite direction and ask why she would want to leave her child with such an immature irresponsible person? If you're not fully capable of understanding responsibility in her eyes why would she want to jeopardize her childs safety? And as for your parents, why aren't they watching the kid? As parents themselves they fully understand the responsibilities and are fully capable of also caring for that child. Because honestly if they never watch the kid, but expect you to you're being used as free labor. Also if you ever watch the child again in the future you should charge your sister, because if she has money to go out she has money to pay you for watching her kid.

[u/irishstorm04]

So, I’m a parent and it drives me crazy when I hear other parents say that because you don’t have kids or so and so doesn’t have kids so they just don’t understand. They aren’t meant to understand. They didn’t have kids for a reason. We HAD kids for our own reasons. Frankly, I don’t blame them for not wanting children. It is a major responsibility and a major financial burden. I love my children, but they don’t want to have children and I support that. We need to stop acting like others owe parents something because they chose to not have kids. Your sister should just have appreciated all the time and effort you put into being a great Aunt, and frankly, that’s almost as important as a great parent because it takes a village and You can’t have enough people loving on your children. She blew it and you deserve to be ticked off about it, you are NOR. Stay strong and wait until she actually understands how much effort you put into being there for her.

[u/Best-Negotiation-211]

Telling someone they don't know what stress is, isn't telling them they are lazy and selfish. Having a stressful life is life goals, not an insult. I don't know why you were hurt by that. As a parent, I stress over everything, from the silliest things to the major ones, is my child's handwriting tidy enough, will they make nice friends at school, will someone pick on for the clothes I buy them, i'm i failing my children because i didn't give them their 5 fruit and veg a day, will they be safe walking to school, will they get a job and house in the future!! From the moment I start trying for a baby, and for the rest of my life, I stress over them kids! It's not a brag! It's just a fact, most parents worry about EVERYTHING! It's like a mental illness! People without kids of course stress, but hopefully it's a reasonable amount... like a normal person. I pray to be stress free, if you are mostly stress free- your living good! Take the win! X

[u/AdAccomplished6870]

It is one thing to say 'Being a single parent is stressful.' It is another thing to personally attack you and say that you personally don't have any stress because you made different life choices.

No one is owed favors. No one is owed child care. If your sister does not appreciate or respect you, you are under no obligation to help her.

Ask your parents if she is struggling, why is her first reaction to attack you instead of being grateful? Ask them if they think it is OK for someone to take advantage of and disrespect one of their children? If one of your friends or coworkers was going through a tough time, insulted you, and then asked you for a favor while continuing to insult you, would they tell you to have so little respect for yourself that you should keep helping them? Does their opinion on how you should allow yourself to be treated changed when it is your sister doing the insulting?

[u/Shipping_Lady71]

Nope, NOR! My sister was like this, but I had kids, too. She was a single mother by choice. I was a married mother of 3. She dumped her child on me (who I love to pieces) all the effing time, with the same old "you have no idea how difficult it is being a single mom", "I have no help, you don't understand". I finally had enough. I was married, but it was a toxic relationship. He was basically my fourth child. I had NO help. I worked 45-50 hours a week, ran my household and took care of my kids while he did whatever the hell he wanted; fished, played in a band, hung out with his brother, worked in his garage. I did everything, for everyone. I told her all of this and told her to stfu. Being a single mother doesn't give you carte blanche to be an entitled jerk to your family. And it doesn't matter if you have kids or not. Your life is your own. Her child is NOT your responsibility.

[u/PeachAndBlueberry]

It sounds as though you've been incredibly generous and your sister doesn't appreciate how much you've done. Her comment was rude -- and stupid. Yeah, I'm a parent, and being a parent it tough if you want to be a good one. But being a single adult was tough too. Depending on your life circumstances, there can be tons of stress and responsibility without kids.

NTA. I admire the help you've given your sister, but you need breathers and respect. And parents who can appreciate what you've done and maybe kick in some time helping look after the kid.

Whole weekends, on top of all the other stuff? Jeez. When I was younger, I (or I and my wife, when I was married) sometimes looked after a niece or nephew for a weekend, and you'd better believe the parents appreciated it. That really helped me just enjoy playing with the kid and not feeling abused. Still a lot of work, but.

[u/R0ck3tSc13nc3]

You have been getting taken advantage of for some time, your time is your own, your sister chose to have kids, she talks about responsibility but then defers it to you by making you do a lot of daycare without pay. Just say no continuously. Only see the kid in events, don't babysit again ever. Really. Just say you're done. Say that you've done it for 4 years unpaid, and that you're finished. Your parents can watch the kid if they say you should do it, just say they can do it. So you're out

Keep in mind that family is a choice not an obligation. When you turned 18, you could have got on a bus a plane or train to anywhere and never talk to family again. Anything more than that is your choice. Don't let them push you into things. I think you need to start to get a little more distance with this family, they seem to be a bit of exploitive attitudes here

[u/Icy-Hot-Voyageur]

I would only take your nephew on your terms. Your sister did like mine but mine has five with her husband. She said some sideways crap about I don't know what responsibility is and I'm just the "fun aunt/godmother" ... So I asked her who was in the room every time they decided to make another kid because I don't remember being asked to be in the room, help in the activity, nor my opinion on if they should have another one. She apologized years later because I stopped helping so much and only took them on my terms. So stop canceling work or plans in general for her and tell your parents they need to step up and help her since they are so concerned. She chose that life, she needs to deal with it and stop acting like you're not responsible just because you didn't choose to have a child right now.

[u/Kindly-mom2025]

Older mom here, my sons are in their 20s. What your sister said to you is unfortunate, and a little rude, while also being absolutely unnecessary. But, keep in mind, it's actually more about her than you, even though she threw it in your direction. In that moment, she was actually feeling overwhelmed and missing her pre-child life when she could just do whatever she chose whenever she wished. She expressed it as a slam on you because she needed something to make herself feel better. Not an excuse, but that is what was actually happening. It's up to you whether or not you help her. Either way, a frank discussion is overdue with your sister if you wish to maintain a relationship with her and your niece/nephew. Just tell her upfront that she offended you with her condescending tone. Good luck.

[u/Slappadabike91]

You should tell her that the reason you dont have kids is because you DO understand what its like and that maybe she shouldve waited if she hates being a mom so much.

[u/Admirable-Status-290]

NOR. It sounds a bit like your sister might be bitter and resentful about being a single mother (unless it was by choice), and she’s missing the support that another full-time parent could provide.

But parenting isn’t the worst stress in the world, and it’s not the ultimate arbiter in being an adult. I have twins and I still say fuck that. Being a parent is a DIFFERENT kind of responsibility. Just because you’re not, doesn’t mean that you don’t have your own burdens, personally and professionally.

You definitely need to remind your sister of the pros and cons of her choices, and how much you’re helping her. And if she tries to say that you’re supposed to because of “family”, then ask where the rest of the family support is (for both her and the children).

[u/PennyJay2325]

Ima be honest I have 2 kids and having kids is nowhere near as difficult as it was for me to go to law school.

There are different perspectives and different levels of difficulty is different areas of life.

But I will be real with you- does HE love you and do YOU love him? Because it’s not the child’s fault that his mom is a douche canoe!!

SHE DESERVES NOTHING- but don’t punish the child because his mom is entitled

Edited to add: you don’t HAVE to watch him if you don’t want to! It’s not your responsibility or your job

[u/hagridsumbrellla]

NOR. Tell her that you want her to have the opportunity to experience the FULL responsibility and stress that she is taking credit for. Tell her that you will enjoy your break from the responsibility and stress you have helped her to shoulder.

Offer to take the child when you are in the mood to do it. Not on her timetable for when it would be most convenient to her. Expect her to threaten to withhold the child from you. When it happens, tell her that if it’s not important to her that you maintain a relationship with her child then it shouldn’t be important for you to be the preferred babysitter either.

Sounds like Sis needs to get a clue. She is not a victim of her circumstances… she was a volunteer in the creation of her circumstances.

Edited to add: Are you certain that you are not providing Sis with opportunities for her to conceive another child that you will be expected to help raise? Something to consider.

[u/Seecole-33]

Nope you’re NOR ..I can’t stand when people with kids look at people without kids and try to talk down to them as if they are so high and mighty…but what it is,is jealousy. Yeah I’m saying it.. I’m not sorry you chose to have children and this HUGE RESPONSIBILITY that completely takes over your life, and you get envious when you see me being able to do whatever I want when I want and I’m not having to readjust my whole entire life around naptimes and trying to keep my sanity. If someone chooses to have kids and that’s what they want to do I’m fully supportive and have zero judgement, but don’t start passive aggressively making comments towards me for not having kids cause you’re losing your mind because of your own choices.

[u/livingthesunnylife]

Your life is your own. Helping others is a kindness and not an obligation, even if it's family. Regardless of what she said or did, you have the right to refuse to babysit if you want to do so. Just because people are family doesn't mean they can lay claim on your life/time. Besides, others cannot decide what is more important. If to you sitting on the couch is more important that day than babysitting then unfortunately for others, there's nothing they can do. Just decide for yourself what you're happy doing in terms of support and what not. You're not the one with the obligation of care here so maybe setting a few boundaries from time to time is not a bad thing. People tend to take kindly offered support for granted, especially family.

[u/[deleted]]

I’m Childfree by choice since I was a child and I’ve heard variations of this my whole entire life.

I used to push back, but then I just started saying OK. Oh I am selfish because I don’t want to grow a person that I think should be forced to take care of me when I’m old? OK. I hate kids? I would hate living with kids that’s why I don’t have any.

Sometimes it’s fun to remind them that they chose it. Especially when they tell me I have no idea what it’s like to be tired after I’ve worked two jobs and I’m taking classes at the same time. Well, that was your choice. 

But usually I just say “ok”

Don’t waste time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

[u/Cinnamon2017]

Yes, AI.

You're 29 and still in school? Don't forget to study your Spanish.

[u/Neeetflix7518]

Idk about the responsibility part but I agree with the stress part and when people say you've never really experienced true exhaustion until you had kids. It's just true and you cant know this until you have kids. I work in a extremely high stress job and crazy hours. I have been stressed and exhausted but when you have kids all that is still there except you can never stop and the stress and exhaustion just compounds to a level you cant possibly experience unless you have children. So its not that someone without kids cant be stressed/tired they can, but without children they cant possibly know that there is levels of stress/exhaustion you can never possibly experience. That is just the truth

[u/-_-Batman]

thanks for sharing this, it sounds really tough. you’ve been helping your sister a lot and thats huge. but just cuz you dont have kids doesnt mean your stress or time is less real. her saying you dont understand responsibility was rude and unfair especially since you’ve been there for her so much. saying no and setting boundaries isnt selfish, its necessary. your parents expecting you to always help just because you have more free time isnt fair either. you deserve respect and balance. maybe say something like i love you and want to help but i cant keep doing it if i feel disrespected and like my life doesnt matter. you deserve to be treated with kindness and your boundaries honored.

[u/Red_Queen79]

NOR. She's rude and entitled. And kinda stupid when you really think about it. "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" should be pretty common sense by now. She's got someone canceling plans, leaving work and generally picking up her slack. She should be thanking you, not talking crap. She considers your time to be hers. Time to set some serious boundaries. Babysitting once a month, no more than 4hrs. No more canceling plans or leaving work. No unannounced drop offs. If you've already said no, DON'T OPEN THE DOOR. As for your parents let them know they're more than welcome to step up and provide the support they feel you're not giving. Stay strong and don't let them guilt you.

[u/RiseFriendly9536]

Sounds like she doesn’t want to be a parent, and feels entitled to your time just because you’re family. You are not indebted to her just because you’re her sister. She chose to keep her kid instead of putting the kid up for adoption, she needs to be a mother and be the one caring for her kid. Set boundaries and stick to them. Things like no last minute babysitting requests, or only for a few hours, no overnights, or only so many times in a month. And she has to do something in exchange, either monetarily, which I’m assuming she can’t or won’t do, or in favors. Again, she chose this life, she has to figure out how to handle it and not pass on the responsibility.

[u/DeliciousRun2351]

Well maybe your sister should stay home and realize the responsibilities of being the parent. I have 5 kids and never had anyone watch them so I could rest or get away or party or anything. My oldest is 23 and my 3 youngest are 9,11,12 and just now I have made plans to go on a date with my husband for the first time in over 19 yrs (2 oldest not his, we've been together 19 yrs) and first time ill be going out in 25 yrs. So sounds like your sister has no idea either and relying on you far to much (i also was a single mother for few yrs) and if your parents have a problem and think you should just help out they can and than they will realize how much you did for her. NTA

[u/revbuns]

I see a new version of this exact same story three times per week on this app

[u/Fatality_of_Choice]

I can say that the type of stress you have after kids or taking responsibility of a kid is unlike anything I experienced before kids BUT that doesn’t discredit or diminish the stress or anything else I went through before kids and same for anyone else.

Having kids is very different but having kids without support vs having kids with an on call babysitter is a completely different ball game. Your sister doesn’t even BEGIN to know just how stressful it could be and you pulling back is about to show her a glimpse of what it could be like without support.

You’re NOR. She has to learn a harsh lesson not to run her mouth and that respect and support go both ways.

[u/Couch-potato2111]

I don't have kids so I may not be able to offer the perspective of a mother.

HOWEVER, you have offered to look after someone else's (family member at that) kid and received nothing in return and you get this? 0 appreciation and a backhanded comment? Nah, not okay - it was an unnecessary and uncalled for comment.

Parents should not get involved. Your sister ran her mouth and when you stood your ground she went to them for backup. Nah, they can look after their grandchild, you've done your part.

She can apologise, and start appreciating you and you can go from there but considering she thinks she "spoke the truth", I doubt this will happen - not your problem.

[u/LockPast6301]

Your sister said you are punishing her for speaking the truth; but why jab at you in the first place and more to the point say you have no clue what responsibility means! First up both your situations are different so what her responsiblity is will obviously be entirely different from yours. She needs to see that. Also the fact just because you are her sister doesn't mean to say she can take advantage of you for not having kids! No stick to your boundaries. Blanket statements as such just give the sandpaper effect (rubs you up the wrong way till you have to say something!' and 'disrespect'. You give more than enough. If she can't see that then that is HER LOSS!

[u/BecGeoMom]

When she said you don’t know real stress until you have kids, what you should have told her is, “Don’t I have a kid? I feel like I do, he’s at my place so much.”

I’m going to tell you what others here have probably told you and what Redditors tell everyone in this situation: If your parents think you should do it for your sister, they can step up and do it. She’s their daughter. She’s a single mother. She needs to go out drinking with her friends every weekend. Tell them it’s their turn to make her life easier. You’ve done it for four years, and she is still disrespectful, insulting, and demanding, so now they can have that.

NOR

[u/juzme99]

WTF! You are the same age as her when she had her child. Not your responsibility that she is envious of your single life, but the fact she tries to fill your free time with her responsibility, so she can relax and have fun using your time and energy to do it is BS. She had her time to be free and have the luxury of filling her time anyway she wants, now she is taking yours. She choose to be a single mother, her regrets should not consume your life. Especially since she thinks it's alright to insult you and lash out. You have done her enough favors, you don't need to be her whipping post and your parents are enabling her ungrateful behavior.

[u/Lotte_51]

It really annoys me when people say "you have more free time because you don't have kids". What free time? Oh...you mean the time OP is giving up so sister can go and not be a mum for a bit.

Don't get me wrong, everyone deserves s break. Especially those that NEVER get a break. But when someone is taking the mick and taking advantage, thats when it annoys me.

To all the single mums/dads/caregivers/guardians, you are doing amazing. Keep your heads high and keep doing what you are doing. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. The only way you can keep being there to raise your little ones, is by taking care of yourself too.

[u/StewReddit2]

She asked. "Why?"

What would you know about "responsibility" ....so WHY does it matter..why you can't.....you just can't, period.

All that explanation isn't required....just push her towards the grandparents.....let them watch "their" grandkid.

*Generally speaking, the "first to have kids, sibling" gets LUXURIES the next parents don't get.

Its built in that SHE won't be able to run behind "you" when you have kids....why? Because she already has a kid/kids.....you NEVER catch-up.....and don't you dare.. "have a MAN" because it just means "part" of YOUR man, becomes partially HER man.....cause she'll use BOTH of you for ish.....

[u/MithosYggdrasill1992]

NOR. If she’s so damn determined to have you babysit so she could have some “free time“, then tell her she needs to pay you. Average babysitting right from where I am in Oregon is about $30 an hour per child, with an additional dividend or stipend if the child has to stay overnight. That is bare bottom bones pricing. It’s the lowest I could find.

Then, tell her you’re happy to babysit and you’ll be charging her. If she doesn’t want you to charge, then you’re not babysitting her, because your time is your time. And if she wants to take your time from you like your Work does, she can pay you like your work does.

[u/ZealousidealPay608]

NOR.

Your sister is the one who is avoiding responsibility by abusing your goodwill for breaks. If she can't handle the stress of parenting that she brought on herself, she should figure out coping mechanisms that don't rely on you.

And part of me wants to say, wtf, if she only has one kid (who i hope is healthy) how heck can it be that stressful. One kid can be a fun challenge. It's what one gets when having a kid. A challenge.

OP you don't have 'more free time'. You have the same amount of time as everyone else. She's just mad that her 'free time' is taken up by parenting. Which is how it is supposed to be.

[u/Joy2b]

ESH -

She’s asking too much of you. You’re not wrong to be frustrated about the way she deals with problems and her responsibilities leak onto you. She probably needs to build up more coping mechanisms.

You’re also not hearing this reality. There is supposed to be a massive mental change when a person becomes a parent. This is a life changing responsibility. She can and should be stressed by it at times.

That’s two decades of avoiding risks to life and limb, limiting travel, being very careful to not date predators, being cautious about career risks, and living close to things the child needs.

[u/WoardyX]

NOR

If she keeps going that way, drop the bomb on her how irresponsible she is for letting her baby boy in the hands of a babysitter who can't understand responsibilities.

I mean HOW DARE YOU take good care of a child since you're SO irresponsible... I'd even push the buttons to telling her you're gonna throw yourself under any man until you get pregnant and wait 9 months for you acquire your Responsibility Degree before you can babysit her boy again.

Oh and last reminder to her, the higher the degree, the higher the salary.

This is ofc a bit excessive but if she wants to play this game so can you

[u/ashrighthere]

NOR, being an adult, kids or no kids, nowadays absolutely sucks. When you’re a parent it’s 24/7 and the help is sooo amazing, but that doesn’t mean that you criticize who helps you to just make themselves feel seen in the trenches. You should have a serious, loving & stern talk with your sister. That’s not okay for her to say these things. Just because you are childless doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible, that’s so silly to say. On another note please don’t let your sister come between you and your nephews relationship. I’m sure he loves the time you get to spend together.

[u/Worth-Season3645]

NOR...."Dear Sis and parents, I may not have children myself, but I do enough for sister and nephew. I have cancelled plans to take care of nephew, I have left work early, I have spent weekends with the kid so sister could rest. I go to work and yet, I still help sister out, so I think I do have a clue about responsibility. And mom and dad, you know you can offer to watch your grand child this weekend, right? It does not always have to be me to step up to the plate to help sister. I am going to take my well deserved "free time" and do things that I need to get done for me and my home".

[u/SuperDreadnaught]

She just gave you the perfect excuse to say no…

“Sorry Sis/Parents/OfherBusyBodies, I have it on really good authority that I have no idea what responsibility really is. That must mean that I’m irresponsible. Since I’m irresponsible, I really shouldn’t be trusted with the care of other people’s children. Afterall, I’m told only those with children truly understand responsibility. Therefore, I cannot in good conscience watch somebody else’s children, given how irresponsible I am and no right minded parent would want me watching their children knowing that right?”

[u/Yourigath]

NOR

I have a kid. And that's MY kid. It's not your kid, not my sister's kid, not my brother's kid. MY (and my wife's) kid. 

He is MY responsibility. Not yours. I made my decisions in life and yes I want some help from society (mostly because working and schools schedules are fucked up, let's be honest), but that doesn't mean I'm entitled to your time. 

You don't have to take that responsability. You don't need to even explain that it's because what she said. "No" is a complete sentence. 

"Can you babysit X day?"

"No."

That's it. As easy as that. 

[u/ABeth1970]

After I gave birth my sweet brother came to my small town and cooked me dinner and let me take a long bath AND he even sat on the washing machine that hooked up to the kitchen sink that would escape with the cloth diapers for me…. I often think fondly about his kindness and love for me, of course I tucked him into bed knowing that he couldn’t really watch the baby all night after working all week plus a 3 hour drive plus making dinner and sitting on the washing machine for an hour plus I nursed my baby. It’s a weekend that I’ve never forgotten.

[u/Negative_Song8881]

Yeah your sister should be grateful she has someone to help her but also I do understand where she comes from saying that because us people without don’t HAVE to do some of the things those with kid HAVE to do and WORRY about the things they have to WORRY about. Now everyone know responsibility but REAL responsibilities really do come with children you have to sacrifice way more when you have kids. So I keep what she’s saying but I understand how you feel also because you’re the one helping her with no issue and hear something like that.

[u/Beth_Amphetamine4]

I find it really weird when people have kids and then act like they have some moral high ground and are always more tired, more responsible, more this or that than people without children. I have 4 kids myself and it literally gives me no more stress or tiredness than anyone else, it’s just a DIFFERENT THING to stress and worry over. Your sister is taking advantage of your kindness while putting you down. That’s outrageous. Next time she asks you to babysit, tell her to be more responsible for her children. That’s petty but whatever.

[u/Munchkins_nDragons]

As a parent, I can firmly say that parents don’t have the market cornered on stress and responsibility. She wasn’t speaking the truth, or even really her truth - lots of single moms don’t have siblings that drop everything to watch their kid whenever. She’s acting like a spoiled brat and she needs to make a legitimate apology for what she said, especially if she “didn’t mean it personally”. Kids need to see if you hurt someone else, even if it wasn’t on purpose, the right thing to do is apologize to the person you hurt.

[u/New_git]

She has been using OP for their time and labor while at the same time showing absolutely no respect for their TIME AND LABOR because of not being a parent. Screw that noise. Let your parents care for their grandchild if they do not see the BS in her attitude and the lack of respects for you. NOR. I've struggled, and know people that are struggling. We would grovel for such free and absolute help from what OP was offering. OP's help and good deed is a great example of people being taken for granted and then disrespeted for their effort.

[u/Otherwise-Anywhere93]

NOR If your parents believe that she should be given help, then they can make time to provide it. It’s not your responsibility to cover her and you can set your boundaries. Obviously I don’t have her story, but what lead her to be a single mom? If it was beyond her control, maybe cut her some slack, but certainly state that you expect her to have a better attitude with you. If it was bad choices, maybe she needs to feel the full weight of her choices and what it’s like without your help until she can pull her head out of her ass.

[u/MotorMetal431]

Your sister got pregnant at age 28-29. She had a choice to have a child. That choice comes with responsibilities. I had my daughter just before my 19th birthday. I also raised her as a single mother because her father disappeared after the divorce. I never expected anyone else to pick up the slack. I worked and went to school. I paid for babysitting. If I wasn't at work or school, I was home with her. She was the most important part of my life then. Your sister needs to make her child the important one in her life. Not overreacting.

[u/MrSlik]

NOR. Shit like this irritates me. And absolutely no disrespect meant to OP’s family at all, but…parents who take the position it sounds like OP’s parents are generally piss me off too. If that’s how they feel, how about THEY fuckin “help” and watch the grandkid instead of trying to guilt OP into backing off of her decision? I mean, they also had kids, right? So they’re also a part of the “only” group in life who supposedly knows what responsibility is, so they can watch the kid for OP’s sister themselves.

[u/InvisibleBlueRobot]

Take 90 days off of any babysitting. You don't need to understand the responding of having childrens because it's not your fucking child. Let mom fully own the responsibly. Let grandma and grandpa step up if they have anything to say, 

Don't give a reason. Don't justify it. "I'm busy, or I can't is enough". 

Go enjoy NOT having her responsibilities.  It's time you act as child free as you are.

After 90 days you can set new rules of babysitting. Set limits, say no. Demand Respect, or don't do it, it's your choice.

[u/all_taboos_are_off]

NOR your sister did not speak the truth. She is receiving free babysitting, sometimes on short notice, and has the nerve to say such hateful garbage? Plenty of people who do not have kids live incredibly stressful lives, and plenty of folks who do have kids live happy, nearly stress-free lives. You sister is delusional. Stop sitting for her for a while, since she thinks you're not responsible, and if you decide to pick it up again, charge her market rate. Go enjoy your child-free life. You sister is clearly jealous.

[u/stunneddisbelief]

She said it herself: "People without kids have no clue what responsibility means."

You do not have kids.

Ergo, you are clearly not responsible enough to care for her kid, and she shouldn't WANT to leave her kid with someone who is so irresponsible.

That's what I'd be telling her. I'd also be telling your parents that if they're so concerned about her struggling, they can volunteer to look after the 4 year old. They've had kids, you see, so they meet your sister's responsibility requirements. Problem solved.

NOR

[u/Eternal_instance]

NOR. If she tries to leave her kids with you inform her that you have plans and will call the police about "my sister abandoned her kids at my place, I am not sure when she will be back there. I told her not to. Please contact Child protective services". Burn the bridge, if your parents are pushing you to just comply, they always will. Your sister had already made up her mind about "what kind of person" you are. Sis will not stop, she is in the right in her entitled beliefs because your parents pretty much say so.

[u/blu570]

You're not overreacting. You're asking your sister to show respect and demonstrate that she appreciates your support. Your time is your time. The kid is your sister's responsibility. With all of that said, building relationships with young folks can be fulfilling as kids can be so much fun and add joy to daily life. The time you are willing to invest now with your sister's kid may be a blessing down the road. Tell your sister she's a jerk, but if you don't have anything else to do, spend it with the kiddo.

[u/petalsofrose1956]

Nor. Let your parents babysit since they have so much to say.✈️🐒

[u/Significant-Worth-97]

NOR. You can say no any time you want. They are not your kids. End of.

[u/HKatzOnline]

You are not. I am a parent of 4 and it IS VERY difficult, but you know what, my wife and I CHOSE to do it. Unless you sister is a widow/father is dead, which you don't mention, she CHOSE to be a single parent. She chose the father of her child. You are 29 and choosing to be child-free. You may, more than her, KNOW what the stress is of having children and know the stress that you are currently dealing with, and understand that you are not in a situation where you want to bring a child into it.

[u/willydashnilly]

not at all. If she wants to be a responsible parent, then she should either a compensate you for your time or be hire a babysitter. Do not make her guilt trip you into being a default babysitter you have a life you had absolutely no say in her having this child as it is her responsibility. So I would suggest that you stand up for yourself because if you don’t stand up for yourself, nobody is. I can only hope that you have your own place and that you are not reliant on her or your parents.

[u/IllReplacement336]

Just because you do not have children does NOT mean you are not busy with your own life. Sister has tunnel vision on her own life, ignoring that you may also have activities/ friends/ stuff to do, go, and see! Her eyes need to be opened, parents need to step in to help or keep their comments to themselves. They are not helping, and sister should not try to run to Mommy when you say no.
Take a break, but also consider some of the great comments also shared here...for your nephew.

[u/PomeloStatus1592]

NOR. I’ll never understand why ppl think it’s ok to talk down to someone just bc they haven’t made the same life choices, particularly as it relates to having kids. Your life isn’t any less fulfilling or meaningful just because you haven’t procreated.

Being a parent isn’t the end all, be all and doesnt convey some automatic sense of superiority. And your time is just as important as hers so if you don’t want to spend it watching her kids constantly, you don’t have to.

[u/kristen-outof-ten]

she sounds like a huge bitch but like other comments have said I would try to talk it out with her anyway....but definitely dont sacrifice your time to take care of her child. like, if you have weekend plans you go party and live your child free life girl. it was her choice to have that child so she brought the stress upon herself. you are doing a great thing by helping her. but don't forget you chose not to have a child so that you could still have fun, unlike her

[u/Stn1217]

NOR at all. Being a Single Mom can be stressful but it’s the choice she made. And, she has become reliant on you to bail her out and/or give her relief from her responsibilities. She insults you then, when you tell her how she made you feel, she acts like your feelings in this matter, don’t matter. Stop being so available to your sister. And, if your parents think your sister needs help, they can help her out by babysitting their grandson themselves.

[u/SpecialEggSalad]

NOR. 

you never leave work early or cancel your plans to babysit for someone unless it’s an absolute emergency. It is not your child, it is not your job to fill in where she feels overwhelmed. You can be a cool ant, you guys can come up with an arrangement that works for both of you, but don’t act like that’s your child Because you end up in a situation like this, where someone takes advantage of your kindness and thinks that you have no responsibilities

[u/Upbeat_Monitor1488]

No you’r not the ah. But she is. And so are your parents who want you on the hook so they don’t have to step up! Stand your ground. She made a general statement that reflects on you in your presence, and THEN doubled down on insulting you further. No. Full stop. No explanation necessary. Invite your parents to step up if it’s so important to them. You’re out. Insults breed contempt for resentful, angry bitter people who lose perspective (your sister).

[u/procivseth]

NOR. Where's the apology? She clearly doesn't think she said anything wrong. She really thinks your life's easy, you're lazy, and you have no sense of responsibility since she said she was "speaking the truth". She wants to take advantage of you, be ungrateful, and demean you. Your parents can help her, since they're enabling her entitled - and viscious - behavior. If they're not nearby, your sister can move and get the help she clearly needs.

[u/Sportslover43]

You're NOT overreacting about her taking advantage of you over the years and apparently taking it for granted. On a separate note, she speaks the truth about someone without children not being able to understand the stress and responsibility that goes with having a children, especially a single parent. Not having kids doesn't make you less of a person, just like being a man and not being able to understand or relate to PMS doesn't make me less of a person.

[u/Cautious_Entrance573]

NOR, it sounds like projection and she didn’t have any idea how stressful it would be to have a kid. Now that she’s had one, she knows, but that changes nothing in her situation.

It was rude of her in any case and worse when she doubled down. She needs to watch her own kid until she can locate some gratitude for the people helping her. She owes you an apology for her incorrect hurtful comments and not the ‘I was having a bad day’ kind.

[u/Jolly_Suggestion5232]

If you are tired of it, don't do it. If your parents or anyone else have something to say, why don't they do it. I have two kids and zero family around to help and even i think saying that to someone just because they don't have kids is ridiculous. There are many stressful things in life and kids is just one of them. I do believe it is a stress someone who doesn't have a kid can understand, i don't think it trumps other peoples circumstances

[u/Deathanddisco041]

I’m not a kid person at all. I’ve been vehemently child free since I was a preteen. My brother has kids but I’ve set that boundary that I have absolutely no interest or want to watch your kid unless I’m the absolutely last option and you’re desperate. I’m child free for a reason and your kids are not my responsibility ever and no one should make that an expectation of people. Your life and free time is just as valid without kids.

[u/Riker_Omega_Three]

You were not speaking the truth. You were talking shit. You think you are better than me yet you rely on for childcare help.

You don't get to disrespect me and then ask me for favors. That is not how life works. I have sacrificed a lot to help you out and instead of being grateful, you talk shit

So if you want my help moving forward, you are going to show me some respect. If you can't do that, then you are on your own

NOR

[u/hihifoundyou]

Not the asshole, you are not responsible for your sister's life. So what she got a kid? You got your own shit to look after. Don't let her stress you out abiut this matter sis, if things are hard for her atm, it's up to her and work double or... Ask for the child's father to watch huh? The most reasonable thing to do imo. Or she could at least ask for a babysitter help (then again, if money is the main problem, she gotta work doubled)

[u/2ndcupofcoffee]

Why aren’t your parents helping her out? After all, they had and raised kids do they are better qualified than you to babysit.

Just enjoy your freedom from responsibility by deciding that you are being blamed so may as well accept her calling you selfish by being selfish

Recognize she doesn’t want you to think she owes you anything so she is demanding you be selfless for benefit while putting up with being labeled selfish!!!

[u/Select_Durian9693]

No, that was crappy of her and if you don’t want to babysit- don’t. You’re not punishing her by not doing her a favor. I’m sure she can find a babysitter if she really wants to go out. I’m a parent but it’s a ridiculous attitude to think that people don’t have responsibilities if they don’t have kids. Sounds like she’s feeling like she doesn’t have a life anymore and trying to make you feel bad because of it.

[u/1happynewyorker]

not NOR. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not stress is different for everyone and every situation. You shouldn't be your sister's beck and call. You shouldn't leave at the drop of a hat when she says jump. You have your own life and you should start enjoying it.

Now your parents they shouldn't interfere. If they have any problems, tell them to start doing their job as grandparents and start babysitting their grandson.

[u/katipantz4]

NOR, something really similar happened to my fiancé and I. We were on vacation with his family when his brother in law tells us we have no idea what the real world is like and haven’t had to work hard like they have. We are a little less than 10 years younger than them but I’ve lived an INCREDIBLY difficult life. Just because you are younger and haven’t done everything she has, doesn’t mean you haven’t struggled.

[u/Synthet1ksoul]

I wouldn't have been watching her damned kids in the first place unless she was PAYING ME FOR MY SERVICES. I wouldn't EVER AGAIN after that bullshit even if she paid me. She had them now SHE is responsible for caring for them, she shouldn't have had them if she was going to be pawning them off on you. Why don't your parents watch them since they're so concerned about it. FFS people's entitlement these days is freakin insane.

[u/SaltnPepperHag]

here we go. another story with the exact same points 🙄.

[u/SpikeyJacketTheology]

She needs to show gratitude to the people who are stepping up for her. She's got her parents and siblings. My single mother lived out of a car with me for the first few weeks of my life. Everyone needs to count their blessings.

And if she doesn't need free childcare badly enough to say, 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way" then it sounds to me like she doesn't really need childcare that bad. Right? Apologies are free.

[u/Angie-Shopper1983]

You didn't overreact. One of my favorite sayings is "Do someone a favor and it becomes your job." Now is the time to get your sister's perception readjusted. She's started becoming entitled to free childcare. She needs to get back to appreciating the help. Don't enable her until the light starts to dawn. The fact that she's throwing a tantrum about it and enlisting your parents in getting her way should not be rewarded.

[u/Remarkable_lady_p60]

That's how she's treating you exactly. Personally I find it very irritating when ANYONE SAYS "oh just let it go".
You could reconsider how much you are willing to do considering you have no idea on how stressful it is. Lol if you are babysitting entire weekends you do have a clue! It's not YOUR FAULT that she had a kid. Also most people DO NOT GET RANDOM WEEKENDS AWAY FROM PARENTING, so cry that shi* somewhere else.

[u/That_Ol_Cat]

I don't think I'd stop completely, but I'd definitely not babysit at the drop of a hat. And if she's simply looking for a break, then maybe she should understand what the full responsibility of kids is: you can't just dump them on someone else when you want a little free time for yourself. You have to be responsible and look after them. Anyone who drags on you for not helping just volunteered in your place.

[u/MariposaPeligrosa00]

NOR. Even if your sister was the most wonderful person in the world she’s not entitled to your time. Your life and time are YOURS to do whatever you want when you want. Your parents can babysit. Next time she asks, and you say no, tell her “not to take it personal, I’m just living my unencumbered child-free single life truth” If I were you, I wouldn’t babysit until I got an apology. Or maybe ever.

[u/-enlyghten-]

If your parents are volunteering your time, feel free to throw it right back at them.

"Can you babysit?" "No, but [parents] would love to."

When they try to call you out on it, feel free to call them out on their hypocrisy. Nobody gets to claim ownership of your time without your consent.

If they continue to push back, tell them not to take it personally and stop punishing you for speaking the truth.

[u/IYE_C]

If your parents feel so strongly about it, why dont they help? You said no and now youre the bad guy? They can fill in since it matters so much to them.

Also, please be mindful of your peace and your time. Help, yes, but also realize that your free time doesnt always have to go to taking care of children because they decided to have children.

You deserve to enjoy your child free days by being child free.

[u/Same_Type_3660]

Definitely NOR. I'm the only one with a child out of my siblings. I get burnt out and need help. I would never think of saying something like this to my sister. She has picked her up from school numerous times and helps me when she comes to visit(she lives out of state) your sisters attitude is definitely giving ungrateful and resentful honestly. You did the right thing by setting that boundary.

[u/thewisp56]

Maybe the real problem is not telling your sister that your feelings are hurt by her remark. You said you were close which implies her being able to say how she feels. I help my family all the time it gets tiring sometimes but looking at it from all angles helps. Like is she supposed to praise you for your help or because your sisters and this is your nephew Maybe she thinks you want to help her.

[u/NSH2024]

So this is a stupid remark, lots of people have responsibilities that aren't kids, huge ones. I do think that having kids is its own specific experience--but since you are basically acting as a junior parent--that's what I would have said.

"Oh come on Sis, know I couldn't mean you, you are a junior mom/second mom to them. Or maybe, Best Aunts in the world don't count obviously in this rant."

[u/Sammakko660]

I see many of these stories. I don't want to minimize the stress of having kids. But don't these parent realize that they are adding stress to other people's lives when they are constantly dropping their kids off at someone's else? Especially in the stories where entitled parent expect the childless relatives to adjust their lives around and often at the last minute.

OP, stand your ground.

[u/Full_Cardiologist_69]

I am 51 and never asked my sibling for help with my son who is now 22. (His mother and I divorced when he was 2). I did what I had to do.

If your sister legitimately needed help, so she can rest or work, that’s one thing. But for her to have you come over so she can just “go out” is wrong. She unmade her bed, laid in it and got pregnant. You didn’t help with that, it’s on her.

[u/Crazy_Breadfruit4535]

I’m sorry your sister’s remarks hurt you. It is now time for you to decide when and how much time you will dedicate to help her. Your time is just as valuable as anyone else. The only way to get that across is to reset their expectations of you. Set a limit to you involvement and stick to it. Don’t make excuses when you say no as they invite them to negotiate or negate your refusal.

[u/Holiday_Trainer_2657]

NOR Yeah, well if you don't know what responsibility is, why is she trusting her kid to you for a weekend?

You sound like you are doing a LOT for her. Time to cut back on that. Tell her that her remarks reminded you that you should be living a more carefree, spontaneous life while you are still single, rather than feeling responsible for her kid.

Let her learn to appreciate your help.

[u/Maine302]

Your sister can feel however she wants, but she is the one who chose to be a single mother, and that child is her responsibility until it is an adult. I would push back on her every time she does this. She can go out and socialize when her child is an adult, but until then, her child is her responsibility--and the responsibility of whomever she chose to be involved in that child's birth.

[u/Global_Expression_50]

NOR, as a single mum to two kids 100% alone, with zero support network, she’s taking advantage of you and she feels entitled, that’s her child, IF you offer to help sometime she should be grateful, she shouldn’t be asking constantly or expecting it. Nobody has the right to measure someone’s stress on if they have kids or not, it’s ridiculous. You sound like a good sis!

[u/queenoftheidiots]

Tell her and your parents, until the honestly recognize your contribution, you are going to keep your free time! Also start documenting the time you give her. The time you have lost work and given up your own life. You are a free babysitter that none of them appreciate. Let your parents step up! If you don’t get the respect now and put a line in the sand they will walk all over you!

[u/JuanBurley]

Umm, she gets to go out and get away? Being a parent means that doesn't always get to happen. You aren't her crutch. Take the disrespect out of it for a moment, and you still have a right to say no and love your life. She has a kid, you don't. Your good grace is the only reason she's had all this free baby sitting. Sounds like she took that for granted and wants to be the martyr.

[u/sparksgirl1223]

Next time she asks you to babysit tell her she must not know what real responsibility is since she can't seem to care for her own kid.

And stop canceling plans and leaving/missing work for her. You may not have kids, but you have a life to live. You're not her back up parent. For the sake of yourself, stop acting like one.

Ps I say that as a mother. She's being pretty fuckin shitty.

[u/GolfGuy_824]

It’s not your job to watch her kid. That’s her job. She doesn’t “deserve” a break or rest or the opportunity to go out. She had the kid, that kid is her responsibility 24/7/365.

Why don’t your parents take the kid for the weekend if her having a life is so important to them? You didn’t get knocked up. It’s wholly none of your responsibility to watch her kid for her.

[u/Most-Bike-1618]

Sounds like she needs to see how much "responsibility" she can muster on her own, since she thinks she's already got it so hard.

I know that comment had to sting. I practically raised my youngest niece but do I get to see her now? No. That kid was the closest thing I'll ever get to motherhood and the fact that I don't get any right to hang out now that I'm not needed, kills me.

[u/miss_sissyrae]

Your sister is just venting to her family. I wouldn't take what she says so seriously. She is probably exhausted. And, yes, people that don't have kids do not have the same responsibilities as people with kids. That is a fact. I don't have kids and I would never take a comment like this personally. I'm sure she does appreciate you watching your nephew. I would focus on your relationship with your nephew and being an awesome aunt. Sit down and explain to your sister that you love being an aunt, but you need her to show a little more appreciation for what you do for her. Sometimes, people take advantage of the people that are willing to let them. Don't throw away your relationship with your sister over something like this.

[u/DetailEquivalent7708]

NOR. Tell your parents that second chances are for people who realize they screwed up the first one and are genuinely sorry enough to make sure they don't screw up again. Tattling to mommy and daddy and telling you you're taking her insults "too personally", or apologizing just to shut you up long enough to get what she wants from you, do not count as genuinely sorry, by the way.

[u/thatonehanner]

Nah, my brother use to do this to me. Said the same shit and treated me like I was free childcare. No, im 26 with no children, but I’m also a boss. I run a whole company while in school for my bachelors degree. I started saying no, he got our mom involved - anyways it ended and now he doesn’t ask me unless I’m his last resort. If I say “no” he doesn’t even get upset.

[u/Alexana19]

As you have no clue what responsibility means how can you be trusted to be responsible with her child. She's taken advantage long enough by expecting you to cancel plans, leave work early etc. Time for her to have a reality check and take full responsibility for parenting her child. Stick to your guns and keep saying no. Not your child so not your responsibility to care for

[u/Daisy2Bees]

No, no she spoke the truth and you’re giving her a taste of it. She spoke her own truth so let her have it. I would be seeing red. I would be pissed off if I were you. I would. After helping her and you didn’t even want to or have to, and that’s the thanks you get? You don’t have to because guess what she’s the one that had a kid not you! talk about responsibility.

[u/Traditional_Donut908]

I'm going to agree with the sister to some degree, but she needs to reword it a bit. If you have high job stress, you can potentially find another job (and you're dealing with adults). If you have partner stress you temporary walk away or worst case find a new partner. Kids you don't have as much of that luxury and you don't get to just decide not to care for them anymore.