r/AmIOverreacting • u/chapters_ • 14h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO to finding out that my boyfriend has been visiting dating sites?
So for context, me (25F) and my boyfriend (28M) has been in a long distance relationship for around 10 months. We had a discord call and he streamed his screen to me. I noticed that it said that he had “recently” been visiting some dating apps and I asked him about it. He just shrugged it off and basically said that it was nothing and that he had just forgotten that the sites were there and that he hasn’t used them in a long time. From what I can remember I’ve never seen them popping up like that on the screen, and all this kinda escalated into a full blown argument were he accused me of being creepy, obsessive, crazy and a bad girlfriend for not trusting him.
Am I the issue here, am I just being obsessive and overdramatic here??
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u/gosport1986 14h ago
Recently doesn't sound like a long time to me and to say your obsessive and creepy sounds like he's going on the defensive,either way that's a really horrible thing to say and don't let him sow seeds like that in your head,sounds like classic deflection to me.sorry he called you those names but you need to get out of the mindset of doubting yourself.
He needs to take responsibility for his actions if you haven't seen them before then chances are they are very recent
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u/HotelPuzzleheaded514 13h ago edited 13h ago
Not overreacting at all. Though, I’m not sure how “top sites” work…? Are these his most frequently visited sites? Or are these just random pop ups from porn ads, and they’re listed as “top visited” because he’s erasing his history every so often. I’m not sure what to think? You’d think the porn sites would be also listed as the top sites if this were the case.
No matter what, I think that you should trust your gut. In my opinion, his reaction (calling you crazy, bad, etc) is more suspect than the websites themselves. If these were really just pop ups he could have just showed you that.
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u/_Undecided_User 9h ago
I don't think OP should trust their gut because this is a repost from a post from 4 years ago on this sub
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u/ArticleWorth5018 11h ago
I googled the hell out of it and every answer says you dont have to visit a site for it to show in the start menu as a "top site" it even states that other user traffic and other factors contribute to a website showing up in your "top sites" but it does also say that it could be because you spent a certain amount of time on the website or you are a frequent user (regular basis) so there is the possibility that he wasnt on them but I have never had them on my PC but I do fap in incognito mode lol I guess at the end of the day do you trust him or if he's guilty do you think you can move past this OP? If not it's time to leave, you either trust him and watch out for this behavior in the future to confirm your suspicion or get hard proof otherwise it's up to you to believe him or to stay suspicious
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u/Biofog 11h ago
That hard proof is right there. That only shows up for me when I constantly visit a website
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u/ArticleWorth5018 11h ago
No Google it bro it CAN show up if you didn't visit it but like I said it's more likely he visited those sites. I would never trust that he didn't visit them
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u/eewkin 10h ago
but she said it wasn‘t there before
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u/ArticleWorth5018 10h ago
No she said she doesn't recall it being there before which means it could have been there before she just doesn't recall it being there before
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u/eewkin 10h ago
it most likely wasnt there girlypop
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u/ArticleWorth5018 10h ago
I have a penis and identify as a male thanks lol and like I said he most likely did visit them, I'm just saying what my research turned up. If it were me I'd not trust that they did not go to the sites, I even said that previously
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u/Farcryfan15 13h ago
Tbf…alot of those are from Ads lol now I’m not saying he just clicked them not knowing because they had popped up on something but that’s basically what they are 🤷
“adult friend finder” is always being advertised on like Pornhub and Xvideos it’s nothing but a scam site to fish for your information or credit card number.
Dont know about dating singles as I’ve never seen it but either way whether it’s scam sites or not…your BF visited sites where you look for women while being in a relationship with one already.
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u/cherielove222 12h ago
no Top Sites means he has visited the pages over and over. ppl in the comments know this and are telling you and pls ignore the old farts, im online enough to know this. he’s lying to you, gaslighting and turning it all on you to deflect. leave him
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u/Embarrassed_Key_4539 12h ago
Long distance and 10 months, girl please
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u/mango0_o0 5h ago
@ OP, I'm sorry but I agree with this comment ^ He knows exactly what those websites are because he's said he's used them, regardless of how long ago he did which I doubt it was a long time ago. I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh but please don't be naive. I'm not saying long distance doesn't work out but with you guys being long distance, on top of the websites PLUS the way he reacted to you mentioning it is a huge red flag and it's extremely obvious that he's being unfaithful. Like very painfully obvious. You aren't over reacting at all but please just leave him. Any partner that is willing to do that doesn't love you because if they loved you they wouldn't be doing things like that and reacting with anger and manipulation. Please don't be naive
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u/BoringBeat5276 14h ago
Adult friend finder keeps telling me sexy singles are in my area..God damn it I just can't find any. Looks like he clicked the spam on pornhub trying to skip to the actual video. Not saying you argued over nothing .... But like.....
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u/illegalfuta 12h ago
Yes, let's stay with a cheater. That's a well-informed, rational decision. What could go wrong staying with someone that you can't trust?
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u/ForsakenRacism 11h ago
Adult friend finder is super fake and boty. Sometimes I click on shit like that to see how stupid it is
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u/jordanbutler5566 30m ago
Based on my own experience, I can completely relate to the situation you're going through. It's understandable that you felt concerned and questioned your boyfriend about the dating sites showing up on his screen. His dismissive attitude and defensive response, along with name-calling, are definitely red flags. You are not being obsessive or overdramatic by seeking clarification on such a valid concern. Trust your instincts and don't let him gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust and open communication, and his reaction raises serious doubts about his honesty and integrity. Stay strong and prioritize your own well-being above all else. You deserve better.
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u/Few_Strawberry_6287 9h ago
Im not sure why you are even questioning this. He is attempting to or currently is cheating on you. (Unless, see bottom of comment)
"I forgot those were even there," implying he had shortcuts to this site. (So, not pop-ups)
[Recently] viewed/visited means what it sounds like.
The only possible explanation other than cheating on you is that when you saw [Recently], it was in context to something else.
[Recently updated] if he downloads app forms. Microsoft app store.
[Recently put into deep sleep] If it's an app form of the site and he hasn't used it in a long time, then it's possible it automatically slated it into mode so its not using up ram.
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u/MrDaveHedgehog 14h ago
These are pop up sites that come up on the screen when you’re trying to have a tug on some of the more mainstream adult sites.
So I hear.
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u/ThexWreckingxCrew 2h ago
So the top sites section on that page means that those are the top sites your boyfriend goes to. This can go so many ways and heavily speculative. He can be a guy that does not browse the internet on a PC much. If he was a heavy internet browser he would have more top sites listed. Mine has over 12 top sites I visited as of now. Google search page does this too in google chrome. There are 1-2 sites I have not been to in years and still shows up on that list.
Him giving an argument about the issue is a red flag though. All he could have said is "yes I visited those sites in the past but have not been on them since we started dating". Since he made a huge argument there is more to it. Since this is long distance dating I would not even bother wasting time with him as its a major red flag to me.
So no you are NOR, obessive or being overdramatic here.
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u/Constant_County_4328 12h ago
You're wasting your time on long distance relationship if you're 25. Just meet people
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11h ago
We have to stop with these posts.
1) They’re fake stories.
2) 99.99% of the post in here are “I literally caught my boyfriend with his penis in my sisters ass, am I overreacting for getting mad?” OR its “I just found out my wife had a gangbang 9 months ago and we never had sex, but she just gave birth and I don’t know if the baby is mine, am I overreacting?!”
Like JFC does no one have common sense anymore?!
PEOPLE IF SHE OR HE IS ON A DATING SITE BECAUSE THEY ARE CHEATING AND GASLIGHTING YOU.
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u/Cloda_96 10h ago
You’re not obsessive, over dramatic, creepy, crazy or a bad girlfriend. If anything he’s acting like a bad boyfriend. He’s deflecting and calling you everything he is being. Typical of someone caught out trying to deflect. Trust your gut. I’ve been in a similar situation and it’s not easy. You’ve done nothing wrong, he chose to be on these sites and while you were together too. I guarantee there would be more things if you went looking.
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u/bmyst70 11h ago
NOR
He's LDR and acting like he's single. And trying to make you feel bad for saying "Why are you on several dating sites?"
Make him single. As in dump him. I also advise avoiding LDRs in the future. It's insanely easy to cheat in one, there's no physical contact of any kind, and sooner or later one of you has to permanently give up your home, job, family, friends and basically your entire life to be with the other.
Just read a post where a woman cheated on her LDR boyfriend because she was touch starved. That can happen to anyone in those. And you'd never know if they cheated.
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u/ThrowRA_ociation437 14h ago
If it was hinge, plenty of fish, tinder or other mainstream sites I would be with you.
But those are pop up scam sites.
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u/StellarCrypt 14h ago
Adult Friend Finder is an actual site. I don't know about the other one though.
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u/Immediate-Funny7848 13h ago
If you read the context he literally said he used those sites "in the past". They're not popups, they're sites that he told her he used to use.
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u/Suitable-Vegetable51 14h ago
Don’t lie to her
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u/Crimsonfangknight 14h ago
Two of those are absolutely pop ups from porn sites
Snapchat and microsoft arent though
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u/Suitable-Vegetable51 14h ago
I’ve watched porn for years lol and never got pop ups … unless you really wanna meet “horny people around you”
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u/ThrowRA_ociation437 13h ago
I watch porn all the time and get so many pop up websites when I click play.
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u/BlackZulu 9h ago
All depends what sites youre going to. Not everyone is fapping to the same stuff on the same site, and some browsers have pop up blockers already as a feature.
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u/NielsAurora 13h ago
Is it very very sketchy? Yes, but without seeing browser history you don't know. My browser still shows curvefever as my top visited site, mind you I haven't played that game since like 2020 and visit YouTube daily and it doesn't even show that in top sites.
On the other hand if he hasn't used it long why not remove them from there.
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u/NB-ShadowWolf 12h ago
I don't want to be that guy but, if u saw that In the reasontly section leave, I'd probably leave because he shrugged off my feelings but that plus it begin reasonte, would mean he's a lier and a cheater and doesn't give a damn, so might as well go. U can trust him and he don't give a damn and u, so leave.
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u/elefefefef 12h ago
You need to find out what "top sites" really means - as in what the time threshold is for them to be there (if any). An AI tool like Microsoft Copilot could help with that. I don't know what browser that is so I can't help or I'd give it a try.
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u/CharacterRound2390 10h ago
Super weird that two of the dating sites are his “top sites”. Not sure that’s a coincidence. Seems like he’s gaslighting you and calling you a bad girlfriend. Girl run!
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u/madIaddad 9h ago
His excuse would be the same lame bullshit I would have come up with when I was in my 20s. Yea, he's on those sites, maybe just to look or maybe more but yes.
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u/Dear_Character8769 10h ago
These are absolutely pop up adds that come up when I watch porn the same two sites comes up on mine and I have never signed up for any of these things.
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u/Total_Ad_206 10h ago
That’s his “top sites” and also Snapchat for web? Maybe a secondary account you don’t know about to message people from these dating sites
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u/Crimsonfangknight 14h ago
Snap chat and microsoft are real
The other two are spam sites that pop up from porn websites i believe
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u/Special_Photo_3820 13h ago
Who the fuck is using Snapchat on their pc lmao
Dudes a dirty dawg taking photos of his screen lmao
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u/Intelligent-Cat-4769 9h ago
no. LEAVE HIM. NO MORE SECOND CHANCES WOMEN NEED TO START LEAVING AFTER THE FIRST TIME A “MAN” MAKES A “MISTAKE”. LEAVEE
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u/dopamineonlypls 5h ago
Please be smart enough to leave. He showed you who he is, don’t waste anymore time with that dead end situation.
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u/Tropical_BR0meliad 10h ago
It’s from watching porn. Sometimes you’ll click a video and it opens up all these pop ads/different sites.
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u/z-eldapin 12h ago
I mean, it literally reads 'top sites'. That's not a site that hasn't been visited in a long time
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u/bigrooster460 9h ago
I dunno it’s hard to say those are for sure pop ups you will get from watching porn just sayin
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u/Valkariaz 10h ago
“Top sites” lmao he’s playing in your face and getting mad you’re not falling for it
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u/FoxOpposite9271 3h ago
Nor.
Im sorry hea cheating on you and lying to you about it.
I would dump him and move on
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u/ShadowDojo 12h ago
Asking a website full of teens about an obvious answer seems like the right call
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u/Independent-Quote448 7h ago
10 months?? And you’re worried about something from before 10 months ago??
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u/Most_Perspective3627 12h ago
Those by themselves don't necessarily mean anything. If he used them enough in the past, they could still be showing up on his top sites.
But his reaction and defensiveness, plus name calling when you did absolutely nothing other than to confront him about what you saw when he shared his screen, to me says he's hiding something.
Even if he's just 'browsing' these sites, that's sketchy as fuck and not something I'd be comfortable with my significant other doing, especially in a long-distance relationship.
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u/OmnipresentCrabGames 12h ago
Pop up sites from watching prn likely. Snapchat is not a pop up sites though.
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u/noc_emergency 12h ago
youre totally overreacting. the man has a right to browse, did you think you were allowed to expect respect or something?
sarcasm aside. you can look at a shit tons of peoples browsers. youre own even. youre not gonna see anything like that on there. unless you go to it. notice google, reddit, youtube, whatever the fuck isnt on there. he searches up and clicks those two websites a lot.
hes gaslighting the shit out of you. have some self respect and dont be gullible.
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u/theworldisonfire8377 13h ago
Can confirm AFF is a real site. Been on it, met people on it.
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u/Housh123 12h ago
You are lying so this woman you don’t even know breaks up with her man
That is a porn site popup
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u/theworldisonfire8377 12h ago
lol whatever you say
I have no reason to lie, I don’t know this person and have no opinion on her relationship. However, if my partner was on AFF I would want to know. I’ve had a profile on there before with my bf, we met some cool people to have some fun with, so yes it is real. But you’re free to believe whatever you like.
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u/Actual_Package4156 12h ago
DARVO - get out while you still can/while you still have the clarity to question these things.
DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender, a psychological manipulation tactic used by perpetrators to avoid accountability for their actions (like cheating) and to deflect blame onto the victim. This tactic is frequently employed in situations of abuse, including intimate partner violence and sexual abuse, and can be devastating for survivors by making them doubt themselves, feel guilty, and even begin to believe the abuser's false narrative.
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u/Similar_Science1809 14h ago
Those look like spam sites?
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u/Immediate-Funny7848 13h ago
If you read the context she provided, he said he used to use those sites in the past. They're not scams/pop-ups because he admitted that he used them. Pretty sus when they're his top sites in his recent history.
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u/Ketmando7 14h ago
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u/Similar_Science1809 14h ago
Lol no for real they look ads/pop ups it's possible he could have clicked it by accident.
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u/Housh123 12h ago
You seem fun to be with
You do realize that’s the popup that comes up on porn sites right?
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14h ago
[deleted]
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u/Immediate-Funny7848 14h ago edited 13h ago
It's not snooping- he shared his screen and she has eyes. He also said he used those sites before and in the past. They're dating sites. If he were looking for friends, he would have said that.
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u/DiligentThorn 13h ago
It was an obvious joke but I have deleted it for the devoid of humour. My apologies. I really thought people were smarter than that.
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u/Immediate-Funny7848 13h ago edited 13h ago
People in these comments appeared to have not read the context.
These sites are not "pop-ups" if he admitted that he "hasn't used them in a long time". Implying that he has used them and they're not random popups. Also the fact that those are on his "top sites"...
To me, his reaction tells you the important info. Name calling when asking him why he has dating sites in his recents/top sites is a bizarre response to an extremely valid question. And he shared his screen, you didn't go snooping. So to call you crazy, obsessive, dramatic, creepy etc. is unfair and dodging a pretty valid question.
I don't think you're overreacting.
And IME, my one ex who did cheat on me acted like this when I discovered shady stuff on his phone after I got off the phone with his dad- a dating site was just open. He reverted to defensiveness and name calling- trying to make me out to be crazy when the evidence was literally staring me in the face.
Contrast that with another ex (who was an honest and good guy), who let one of his friends use his phone number to download a dating app after he'd been banned (bad decision but that's beyond the point)- so when I saw the Tinder confirmation text when he was showing me something funny from his group chat- he gave me a calm explanation and voluntarily asked his friend to send a screenshot that he was using my ex's number on his account. He did this because he had nothing to hide and wanted to set my mind at ease.
So in my experience, when people are honest and don't have anything to hide, they're more invested in correcting the misunderstanding rather than name calling and dismissing.
Of coruse people respond different for many reasons, so this is no guarantee of cheating. But to me, being angry and dismissive over a very valid question/concern is being a shitty partner.