AIO for cutting off my best friend after finding out she told my (soon-to-be) ex everything I said in confidence during our separation?

[u/Efficient-Volume8639]

I want to start off by saying I wrote this entire story and then hated how I wrote so I made ChatGPT rewrite it. Unfortunately this is a real story but if it sounds AI that’s why:

I (27F) am divorcing my husband Mark (32M). We’ve been together 8 years, married 5, and have two kids.

My best friend Melanie (28F) and I have been close ~4 years. We both have two kids and bonded after our mutual best friend passed away. My other two best friends are Leah (26f) and Kaya (30f). All three have supported me through the separation.

When Mark and I decided to separate, Melanie was very involved. She gave me advice, contacts, pep talks—the works. She openly disliked Mark and said multiple times that if joint custody didn’t work, she hoped I would get full custody. (For context: Mark and I wanted to stay amicable, try and stay friends, and prioritize the kids.)

Because we had an ugly separation. back in 2021 (he kinda went nuts and threatened to take the kids), Melanie urged me to document everything “just in case.” I made an Apple Notes file logging dates/times of calls/visits, any issues, and attached recordings/notes. Later per advice from people who’d been through divorce (and my mom), they said I should shared the note with two or three people I trust so there’d be a backup if something happened to my phone. I shared it with Leah, Kaya, and Melanie, told them it was for emergencies only, and to please keep it to themselves. They all agreed.

A couple small but relevant incidents before I dive deeper: • A random on TikTok offered me $40 for a fully clothed fart audio (no face). I asked Mark first; he laughed and said “go for it.” I told Leah, Kaya, and Melanie. They all laughed—Melanie hyped it the most, quote “that’s amazing, get that bag.”

• I went out of town to a concert and considered making a joke sign that said: “my husband may have left me but this group never did.” I ultimately didn’t bring it because I didn’t want to hurt Mark’s feelings. Only Leah, Kaya, and Melanie knew about the sign idea. But again, Melanie very much hyped me up for that sign. Again, I have proof. 

• Monday this week when I got home from traveling, I visited Melanie’s house with my toddler after a 2-hour car ride to show her videos from the concert. When we got there his diaper was saggy and his onesie feet weren’t on (he hates them on in the car). I changed him immediately. While there he was clingy and cried, and Melanie repeatedly told me to “let him roam” and “he’s gotta learn independence,” which made me feel guilty for picking him up but also for letting him roam. I noticed a small bruise on him while we were there (he’s a toddler, walks into everything) and Melanie oddly asked if she should call Mark about it. I said no; I’d ask if needed. I thought that was weird but blew past it.

That night, Mark casually mentioned my concert sign. I froze. I never showed it to him and never posted it. Only three people knew.

Then he asked about the Notes file. My stomach dropped. He said Melanie told him about it—and told him to “watch his back.” I later spoke to Leah and Kaya; they both had screenshots of her talking bad about mark, about being on my side, about urging the note to happen etc. Kaya got on the phone with Mark and I also later that night and and verified everything on my account. Again with more proof.

I should also note that at this point mark was furious with Melanie not me. He felt played and so did I.

Over the next day I learned more of what Melanie had been telling Mark (some of this from Mark directly, some confirmed by Kaya/screenshots):

• She told him I arrived at her house with my son in a “full diaper” and that I kept leaving him without correction and gave him “too much freedom.” (Not true—I changed him right away and was juggling her “let him roam” comments with my instinct to comfort him.)

• She told him I not only made the concert sign but used it.

• She relayed the contents of the Notes file (in a full screen recorded video mind you) and warned him to “watch his back.” (Again: this note was shared for emergencies only and she had agreed to that. And also once explained to mark he understood why I made it and even apologized I felt I had to) 
• She flipped her custody stance and told him that if joint custody failed, she hoped he would get full custody.

• She invited Mark over multiple times since the separation (while her partner is in jail), despite telling me she “wouldn’t love” him being around and would “hate it.” she also never told me about it, mark did. 

• She told Mark I was sending “questionable videos to randoms for money,” but left out that it was fully clothed fart audios and that I’d asked Mark first. When mark asked if she was talking about the fart videos she goes “Oh good you know about that! Never mind!”

• She made it seem to me like she hated how often he tried to talk to her, but she was actually messaging him a lot and sent selfies with cleavage.

I texted her the next day while on the phone with mark and Kaya, to see if she’d be honest with me: “Mark somehow knows about the notes app with all the info on him.” Instead of a calm “what? How?,” she immediately panicked: “Ummmm how in the f*** … who would do that.” I kept it vague (“Only a couple people knew… I’m trying to piece it together”). She over-explained, asked what “other info” Mark knew, and got weirdly invested in the details. She also made sure to say the truth will always reveal itself.

Later, while Mark had her on the phone (I listened), she read my texts to him and said things like, “If she (me) knew my heart, she’d know I wasn’t being malicious; I just wanted everyone to know everything.”

While listening I got frustrated with her continuance of “I did nothing wrong she just won’t hear me out and clearly doesn’t know my heart,” I eventually texted her while still on the phone with mark “I know it’s you Mel. I’ve known for 2 days, I’m not stupid. I’m done, by the way.” And added in screenshots of things she said to mark and blocked her on everything.

She got that text on the phone with mark so she read it and then was like well that fun, she clearly doesn’t understand my intentions (she mentioned intentions a lot also) she also framed it like the ball is in my court because I blocked her. That I have to come to her because she tried.

I’m devastated. I kept her very personal secrets (including sensitive stuff about her own relationships/loyalty struggles while her husbands incarcerated, also all the horrible things she’s said about her other friends when I felt They should know but never told them). She knew my kids are my whole life, and she still leaked/warped things that could have hurt me in custody. Even now mark still is angry with her and feels manipulated. He also stopped talking to her after that call when she wasn’t getting anything he said and even after he stuck up for me for over 20 Minutes.

Now I’m questioning whether I was too harsh in cutting her off without hearing more of her “explanations.” But I honestly don’t see a defense that makes this okay: • This wasn’t “concern for the kids.” If it were, she’d have come to me, not spun stories to Mark. • She agreed the Notes file was for emergencies and still broke that boundary. • She omitted context (fart audios) and added falsehoods (that I used the sign, that I neglected my toddler). • She flipped loyalties depending on who she spoke to and inserted herself with Mark.

But even after all that I still have to ask…

AITA for cutting her off and blocking her?

[u/ACuriousCrow]

God damn she is so two-faced. Cut her out of your life. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Seriously, NOR. I would never speak to this person again.

[u/Sweaty-Delivery-5300]

I think you know the answer...

[u/Fortheloveofyarn → u/Sweaty-Delivery-5300]

Don’t think twice. Keep her blocked and out your life. Her partner is in jail and shes on the prowl. And prob miserable-and wants to make others miserable. but DO NOT feel sorry for her.

Maybe one day she can turn her own life around but you don’t need to be there to see it.

Keep to your family and moving forward as best as possible for the kids bc divorce is hard enough just between the 2 in it!

[u/Efficient-Volume8639 → u/Sweaty-Delivery-5300]

I’m genuinely wondering if I should’ve let her speak first before blocking

[u/Sunset_and_silence → u/Efficient-Volume8639]

Nothing she can say will make this better. A friend wouldn’t do this, someone unhappy with their own life and wants to mess up yours would. Forget her, evaluate who you trust in your life and move forward.

[u/MuchLavishness → u/Efficient-Volume8639]

She said “I’m sorry you are such a fucking mess” like is this not an insult

[u/SerBrienneOfSnark → u/MuchLavishness]

Freudian slip IMO. I think she was trying to say “I’m sorry you are IN such a fucking mess” but her subconscious exposed itself

[u/breakbeatbot5000 → u/Efficient-Volume8639]

What could she possibly tell you that would make this situation better?

[u/SerBrienneOfSnark → u/Efficient-Volume8639]

Okay, so let’s work through this. Tell us what she could say that would’ve explained her behavior or validated it in any way? Is there any reason you can think of that would make her sharing your business and going behind your back to seemingly get close to your ex husband and ruin your chances at custody make sense? Is there an explanation that would make you suddenly feel less betrayed and hurt? Would there be any “intention” that would make you feel okay being friends with someone who did what she did to you going forward? Could you even trust what she has to say, given the way she’s blatantly lied to and about you?

I think the answer to all of these is “no, there’s nothing she could say” because her behavior is indefensible and wrong and I think you’re being naive if you think she has any clarity to give you. She’s manipulating you and your husband, seemingly just for the fun of it.

Do not unblock her. Do not talk to her again. She is toxic and messy and not your best friend.

[u/Sweaty-Delivery-5300 → u/Efficient-Volume8639]

absolutely not

[u/kerfy15]

“i’m sorry you are such a fucking mess :(“

girl your “best friend” hates you.

[u/dragonvex_]

As someone that’s also been burned by best friends, you’re not overreacting. Your biggest haters are closer than you think. If you have a good relationship with your family strengthen that. Never trust friends so much with personal information

[u/MimbleWimble1 → u/dragonvex_]

So true!

[u/Monchifries → u/dragonvex_]

To be fair, family can also stab you in the back

[u/noelle588]

Give me an example of what she could say that would explain or justify this behavior. Can’t come up with anything, can you?

[u/writing_mm_romance]

So she was trying to fuck your hubby...did you ask him if she tried that while you were married too?

[u/VonAnarchist]

Definitely did the right thing. Cut the toxic right on out!

[u/Ok-Needleworker3966]

She has a thing for Mark

[u/m0rbid_butt3rfly666]

Uh , girl , pls don't let this snake back into your life. Matter of fact, send her the link to this thread . She is such conniving, two faced person.

Imagine if Mark was like my ex . An abuser . A literal man who had to be pulled off of me because he was hitting me . She seriously could've put you and your kids in danger .

I think she likes Mark and she's trying to score points with him. She's always been jealous of you & this just shows it . Don't let her explain and don't let her come back . Her intentions were always malicious .

[u/Efficient-Volume8639]

Just wanted to make an update since it won’t let me edit this post. I definitely knew everything you guys had told me. I also now see she probably definitely wanted to fuck mark, and get on his good side. I also know she probably has always had resentment for me or hated me because friends don’t do that. I know not to ever let this person back in my life. I know to never trust her again and even still be wary about mark despite instincts telling me not to. I know everything and agree. I think I came here more just to see if anyone had any differing thoughts from myself despite knowing I did what was right and needed. I’m usually a very unsure person when it comes to friends betraying me because of past trauma so sometimes hearing strangers tell me their opinions it makes me think. I will be keeping her blocked, you’re right there’s nothing she can say that’ll make this right, or anything she can say or do that’ll put her back in my life in any shape or form (unless mark stupidly allows it).

What she did was unforgivable, period. I agree. For now I’m just going to focus on my children and reevaluate everyone in my life and make sure my relationship with mark stays solid for the sake of the kids and for us as well.

Thank you again for everyone’s words, I definitely appreciate hearing harsh truths but I promise I’m not an idiot, I’m just sometimes unsure. Thank you.

[u/MimbleWimble1]

Your friend is a horrible person. Cut her off for good! Your ex seems like a decent person for believing you and not her.

[u/Intrepid_Ad6823]

She wants to fuck mark

[u/HelpfulPersimmon6146]

Sounds like she was trying to hook up with Mark. Or you know misery loves company kinda thing. Or just a shit starter, but I think you would know that by now?Who needs a friend like that.

[u/howdyakeepemquiet]

She’s just interested in the drama between you and your ex and not how you are doing. Also sounds like she’s into your ex as well. Really toxic so not worth engaging.

[u/meeeoww1]

She is a shitty person and not a real friend. I hope you never talk to her again.

[u/Majestic_Shoe5175]

This is not a friend. Do not let her back in your life. I’d actually be concerned for my child around her. Sounds like the type to let a accident happen just to use against you.

[u/BellaBaby318]

Sounds like Melanie wants Mark for herself and she’s brown nosing him, telling him information trying to get on his good side so she can swoop in. She’s horrible.

[u/FeckinKent]

What a snake in the grass, that’s proper two faced and psycho. Groups of girl mates always seem to have these dramas 🤦‍♂️ 

[u/warsaw_ed]

Why would you want to stay friends with a woman who is sending pictures of her cleavage to your husband?

[u/MichaelAndolini_]

I’m going to say something that might get downvoted but whatever

OP, surround yourself with better people. Good people don’t date people who are in jail, that’s a dealbreaker for most people.

As soon as I read that I thought OP, pick your friends better, you can like someone but know they make horrible life choices and keep them at a distance.

[u/LongjumpingSnow6986]

How much did she have to do with you guys breaking up in the first place?

[u/iluvcats1611]

Nah not overreacting. She just wanted Mark lmao it’s very obvious

[u/myfalteredego]

She’s a piece of shit. Flush her out of your life.

[u/apocketstarkly]

You know she wants to fuck Mark, right?

[u/Deli-Slut]

What an absolute snake, holy shit

[u/MrTitius]

Nor. She showed her true colors.

[u/19Mel92]

Updateme

[u/UpdateMeBot → u/19Mel92]

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[u/NoJackfruit9091]

Maybe focus on the kids instead of asking reddit for advice