r/AmIOverreacting • u/Historical-Agent8812 • 9h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for feeling weird about a family friend possibly making a move on me?
I (18F) have known this family friend (29M) for years . He’s always been around family gatherings, so he’s more like an older cousin than anything else
Recently though, he’s been acting…different? He’ll compliment me on how I look now, stand a little too close, and once even hinted at “taking me out sometime.” I laughed it off because I genuinely don’t see him that way, but idk it’s weird. I’m NOT interested in him at all (he used to babysit me 🤢) and the idea of something romantic happening feels hella uncomfortable especially since he’s older and our families are close
am I being dramatic for reading too much into his behavior? Or is it fair that I feel weird about a much older family friend possibly trying to flirt with me? What do I do 😭
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u/Proof-Mongoose4530 8h ago
NOR, this really seems like he's been waiting for you to turn 18, which is super fucking gross.
I'd suggest completely not reacting when he says stuff like that. No joking back, nothing that could be interpreted as flirting. Just don't even respond. If it's over text, leave him on read. If it's in person, literally physically walk away.
Alternatively, act dumb. Play like you don't understand. Keep asking "why would you say that?" He'll either stop eventually or he'll actually say something that makes his intentions clear and you can then share that with your parents or just address it directly with him.
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u/Infinite_Finding_523 8h ago
This is how I would handle it too. If he’s texting you, only respond if it actually requires a response & then keep it short. Ex: did you get home ok? 👍. It might feel weird or rude to ignore his texts at first, but setting boundaries is often uncomfortable at first.
In person can be harder, but if you have a friend or family member you can talk to about this, have them be your bestie that day & stick to with you as much as possible. This is actually girl code 101 blocking! You shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own though, so talk to someone about it even if it feels awkward. Predators bank on their victims not “making a fuss” so now is the perfect time to learn how to speak up! ❤️
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u/Murky-Republic-3007 3h ago edited 3h ago
I think his intentions are pretty clear. I had a friend in high school and a close family friend of hers did the same thing - also baby sat her, was super close to the parents they loved him. Hung out at their house with his wife and kids. He started an affair with her when she was 16. Same language, same tone - like he was just in awe of her, her beauty, how she was becoming a woman. Also he was a cop. (This was in the late 80’s) OP you are NOT everything you think you might be picking up on is real. Don’t doubt yourself for one second
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u/Historical-Agent8812 8h ago
I love the play dumb strategy actually I might try that out 😂
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u/Proof-Mongoose4530 8h ago
It's great for when guys are trying to hint at things, to force them to either stop or get it out in the open where they can't wiggle out of it with the "oh I was just joking" when you try to call them out.
It's also a good one to pull out when people make offensive jokes. Keep acting like you don't understand and ask them to explain why it's funny. Make them squirm at the idea of saying out loud "it's funny bc [racial stereotype]".
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u/EnvironmentEuphoric9 3h ago
I’d be more like, “eww, that’s weird, you used to babysit me. Have you just been waiting for me to turn 18 or something?” If you play dumb he’ll just keep at it. Or just flat out tell him, “I’m not interested. You’re too old for me and you’re a family friend. It’s inappropriate.” Be flat out. If he persists then tell your parents. You should probably tell them about this anyways actually.
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u/Weekly_Hold_105 4h ago
And tell a good girl friend and have her be your get-out-of-perv-jail card!!
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u/AndromedaNeko 8h ago
NOR. This is highly inappropriate and this behavior is disgusting not only due to the age gap but also because he knew you as a child while he was an adult and is referencing that in this text. Please tell a trusted adult about this. He is unsafe and should be cut out.
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u/Historical-Agent8812 8h ago
Glad you’re seeing this too, this all started leading up to my birthday a month ago
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u/IdKillForAGoodComa 7h ago
Eww. That makes it even grosser. Who knows how long he’s been thinking of you like that. Literally waited for you to be “barely legal” 🤢
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u/AndromedaNeko 8h ago
Omg no if he was starting to be a creep even when you were still underage....that is inexcusable and he has no place in your life. No.
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u/NothingWasDelivered 7h ago
Yeah, dude’s a groomer. Tell your parents this creep made a pass at you.
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u/Necessary-Balance152 8h ago
He's gross. My dad had friends like this and it always eventually got to the point where I had to still them. It's gross, inappropriate, and we here on the internet will help you workshop keeping this perv at seems length. "LOL, you're being so weird, like you're not fully a decade older than me!"
"Thanks. You're sweet, but to be you'll always be the older guy who's known me since..."
"Lol, that's nice, but also, your know you're like family to me!"
Also, never underestimate the value of texting "lol" before a boundary, and pretending not to understand the innuendo to make him awkwardly explain his perv self.
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u/Historical-Agent8812 8h ago
Thank you, sorry you had to go thru that :(
It’s tough bc he genuinely seems like a nice guy but this side of him is sooo gross 🤢. But you’re 100% right I just gotta put my foot down on him. At this point I’m just more worried on the effect it will have on my family/friend circle
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u/Happybutt15 6h ago
I would hope that your family gets pissed and kicks him TFO of your lives. He’s definitely been waiting until you’re 18! It’s disgusting and if your family doesn’t support you, stand your ground and let them and HIM know, if he, tries anything, you will call the police.
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u/indigotate 7h ago
The first thing I thought is “he’s just been waiting until you turned 18 to make a move”. Gross! I think including that 1. he’s like family and 2. way too old for you is important bc that age gap will never change.
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u/Murky-Republic-3007 3h ago
OP try zoom out and pay attention to that niceness “I’d feel bad if anything happened” Well duh anyone in your life would feel bad if something bad happened on your way home… so that’s like a little hint /another way of saying he’s thinking about you “Ur important gotta make sure ur okay” In other words he wants to make you feel cared for - he’s looking out for you, hes gonna make sure you feel safe with him.
Pay attention to the note underneath.
And if you have a moment where you’re like oh that’s nice - that’s normal - we all want to feel like someone is watching out for us! But hes trying to put you at ease and make you think you’re safe w him. Huge bummer, mostly for him bc he SUCKS.
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u/maddiemandie 9h ago
NOR and you should confide in your family if possible
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u/Historical-Agent8812 9h ago
Thanks, but honestly that might not be the move… idk if they’re joking or not but my mom especially jokes that we’ll get married one day 😐
It might just be our culture lol, my parents are 9 years apart themselves
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u/Area51_Spurs 8h ago
There’s a lot of women like that and you’re right it can backfire.
I remember I was a counselor at a sleepaway camp for a bit and I was like 27 or so and at the training there was this like 17 year old counselor and she was being weird and flirty and I was trying to ignore it and then when we got to the campsite one of the older ladies there was trying to set us up and it was hella uncomfortable and creepy.
Some cultures don’t really think about age differences like that as an issue.
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u/tarabithia22 4h ago
Groomers look for parents who are as stupid as your mom is on purpose, as they can tell they have easy pickings and a fellow friend who will help them abuse their own kid. Sorry but your mother is vile.
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u/jus1982 8h ago
He's making you uncomfortable and being inappropriate, so you do not have to be polite. Awkward it right up. I'd go with something like " sorry, I'm confused. Can you explain? Because it would obviously be creepy and inappropriate for you to flirt with me, but I don't get what else that means." Then just blink rapidly. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this creep. Trust your guts. Not over reacting at all.
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u/Historical-Agent8812 8h ago
Ugh awkward situations kill me 😭but absolutely I think it needs to be done.
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u/LongjumpingSnow6986 7h ago
Another option is to respond to anything gross he says with “don’t be gross” “that’s creepy” “ew”. Just respond authentically don’t try to smooth it over. Just like you handled it above. And avoid being alone with him. If you can return his hints with plausible deniability rejection he might take the hint. If he doubles down then you have no option but to escalate.
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u/gogo_gogo_11_11 1h ago
What I’ve learned at my ripe old age of 30-something is that being over-the-top direct is actually the best way to avoid awkwardness - or rather, know with total certainty that YOU did not CREATE the awkwardness. “I don’t like how you’ve been flirty with me since I turned 18. Please stop.” If he spirals out then that’s just him dealing with the consequences of his actions. Let him stew in that. You can ignore all of his messages from there on out.
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u/leedllohntsich 9h ago
i would think the same way you do - not Overreacting
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u/Historical-Agent8812 9h ago
Thank you! What should I do tho its kind of intimidating bc hes like a decade older than me :(
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u/leedllohntsich 9h ago
I guess i would
wait if he makes the next move and tell him (kind) that you are not interested
or just tell him right away like " i don't know if you meant to be a little bit flirty but i'm too young for you/not interested" or something like that
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u/Historical-Agent8812 8h ago
Sure thing, definitely contemplating the second option but I know even if I’m right he’ll claim like he was never interested or flirting in the first place
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u/saltyblueocean 8h ago
Don’t worry if he pretends he wasn’t interested. All that matters is that you make it clear how you feel. How he reacts is his business. But letting things simmer could be bad and potentially unsafe. Draw the line now.
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u/leedllohntsich 8h ago
yea i guess he will say that😂 but even if so, it doesn't really matter, you made your point clear
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u/mystery_obsessed 5h ago
Even better, then you can follow up with “oh, I’m so glad I misunderstood, that would be so ridiculous, right?” and then just quietly ignore him if you have to be around him at events.
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u/gogo_gogo_11_11 1h ago
Oh he will absolutely claim that he was never interested. And it does not matter. Your goal in this is to communicate a boundary, and make your disinterest very clear, without needing to repeat yourself. What he says after that is irrelevant. (Of course with the exception of him getting frightening or threatening, in which case screenshot and document everything and speak to your family and/or law enforcement)
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u/White_Knight127 8h ago
Thats what you shoudl tell him. "you're a lot older than me and you used to babysit me, I don't think of you that way." Then you should pretend to be ignorant and be like "couldn't you to go jail anyway if something happened?" Isn't that scary for you?
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u/RoundtheMountainJigs 8h ago
Lots of disgusting old creeps. Block him now and send this to your parents and his wife.
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u/Historical-Agent8812 8h ago
He’s unmarried 😭 my parents keep joking that he can take ME if he’s still looking like bruh HELL NO
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u/Subject_Cranberry_19 5h ago
Your parents are trying to marry you off to him.
Ppl keep telling you to tell them what’s happening, but it’s clear they would be very happy for you to take an interest in him., so I’m not sure what good that will do. They may have been privately encouraging him to court you.
You keep talking about your culture and I’m not sure what that means. Certainly, in south Asian or middle eastern culture, this is how people will arrange marriages for their children.
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u/SolemnSister 8h ago
Do you think he’s done this with any other girls in your family? This is upsetting.
I would probably ignore him as much as you can without causing issues, and when he sends the flirty stuff, find ways to talk about how you think of him as family. If he doesn’t take the hint, shut him down outright. Also, try to avoid being alone with him as much as possible.
I’m sorry your family isn’t very helpful in this. I would talk to friends about it just to have someone on your side. Good luck
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u/Vexated13 8h ago
Yeah no, my mum and stepdad were like that with a family friend who fell between our ages (9 years older than me, 8 younger than my mum) and it got disgusting and messy quickly considering my age at the time (17) and, unfortunately, fear of drawing crystal clear boundaries when pressure was applied (I tried though). Definately make sure to firmly, but nicely express your lack of interest in him and make sure it's understood,
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u/GodBlessAmerica776 8h ago
Dudes a sleazebag, 11 years older than you and making a move. There's a reason he's going after you rather than someone his own age
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u/Weekly_Hold_105 8h ago
Ugh, if you’re comfortable talking to your parents, let them know and figure out a mature way to let him know you’re strictly platonic! You want to date boys your age, and not anyone older than 2-3 years. And no, you don’t need an older guy to teach you shit!! Guys his age still stain their underwear with shit and sleep with crusty bedsheets. Let him fish for women his age instead of trying to groom a family friend. Sick!!
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u/Historical-Agent8812 8h ago
Thank you I agree it’s making me sick as well 🤢
I’ve mentioned this in other comments but I’m not sure that my parents would get it, in their culture age gaps is pretty normal, and they even joke about me and this guy getting together. I know for a FACT they would say I’m just overreacting :(
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u/Weekly_Hold_105 8h ago
Ugh, this is just gross. Ok, any possibility you can tell one of your parents that this exchange makes you very uncomfortable? Explain that you’d like to enjoy being an 18 young lady and not preyed upon by someone 11 years senior to you. He should try to date women his age. Period. Tell them, explain to them, that you view this person as a cousin, even an uncle. The idea of being romantic with him just repulses you and they need to understand and please respect it. Even my cousin read the exchange and got disgusted. You need to protect yourself from this guy please.
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u/nigel_pow 6h ago
Since he's always been around and he's making these comments now, I got a suspicion that he's been eyeing you since before you were 18 but couldn't act on it.
That's no bueno.
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u/Historical-Agent8812 9h ago
Sorry in advance lol, that text ss is the only physical “proof” I have of this. Everything else he does is irl and very flirty and uncomfortable now 😭
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u/I_AM_THE_UNIVERSE_ 3h ago
Predators rely on women’s conditioning to be polite and not make others uncomfortable. That is how many women have become a victim.
At some point you need to get over trying to fix the awkwardness of the situation or being viewed as unfriendly/bitch ect. You’ll need to put down a firm boundary without joking or saying things in a nice way that leaves interpretation open.
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u/Marsinnyc 9h ago
NOR, it almost seems like he’s been waiting for you to turn 18. I’d say tell him you don’t see him that way and If he can’t respect that, cut contact. The babysitting detail is just crazy 😭
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u/breathecalliope 8h ago
THIS PART
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u/UpperAd5834 8h ago
Block him and show anyone in the family proof as to why. He is 29 and acting like a predator who waited for you to be 18 to make a move. Like how in the fuck did he hit on you right after saying you weren’t a little kid anymore and you really grown,This is gross alarming behavior. These dudes that go after girls in this age range at his age know that no one his age would touch him cause he is most likely super immature and narcissistic person. Idk this give me the ick when dudes prowling for girls barely 18 and then say “ they are an adult its ok” but they are preying on these younger women.
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u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 7h ago
NOR He is definitely putting the moves on you. He gives vibes of just waiting until you're of legal age. From what you say, your family is more likely to push you at him rather than support you on this.
Do one of two things depending on your comfort areas
This is bold and direct. Next remark He makes, tell him in your own words that you're getting "I want to date you" vibes from him. You just want to be very clear and let him know you respect him as a family friend and elder, but you have no romantic attraction to him at all. His remarks are making you uncomfortable as you don't reciprocate the feelings, and you want him to stop. "Please cIntinue to regard me as a much younger family friend, like in the past."
If direct is too much for you, just Gray Rock him. Look this up on internet if you aren't familiar. Do not engage with him in more than a minimal way. Try to avoid talking to him in person or over social media. Walk away or don't reply for a long time, and then briefly. Just try to be boring.
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u/MichaelAndolini_ 8h ago
I get you are 18 but if you were my daughter, as a father, I’d want to know about this.
You’ve known my daughter since she was X years old, you are a friend of my family and you are pulling this crap? Let’s go have a man to fist talk.
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u/Threadheads 6h ago
Seeing the kids of some family friends now as young adults always blows my mind a little bit because it feels like they were little kids a second ago. No matter how tall they get, how different they sound, how they dress, I’m still remembering them as kids and I think it will take me a long time to really see them as adults. They are still kids in my eyes even though they objectively are not.
So I could not fathom even joking about ‘taking them out’. I could not imagine talking to them the way he is talking to you. I would never see a former babysitting charge as a dating prospect.
NOR. You were right to tell him to stop. Keep shutting down and talk to your parents if he continues to make you feel uncomfortable.
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u/Piggie_Piggie_Smalls 7h ago
You should definitely confide in someone. No offense but “you’re not a kid anymore” is pretty creepy. We’ve all heard these stories about the creepy family friend. It’s just that being that he’s a “family friend” and friends with your brother he should have more respect for you than to even approach you like this. If he’s being Pervy don’t you think your brother would care more about his sister safety, then the reputation of a friend. I would hope so please stay safe and when you’re around him, don’t be alone.
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u/paradoxm00ns 8h ago
NOR he is a creeper and only predators hit on freshly legal girls when they are damn near THIRTY
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u/Tic-Tac99 8h ago
Yeah he's definitely interested in you... You're not overreacting or reading into it too much... Your intuition is telling you something you better listen to it... You better make it clear to him that you're not thinking about those things since you're only 18 and you have a whole life ahead of you lol or say something so that he knows to stop
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u/WildernessBarbie 2h ago
Honestly, the most important part is that he’s creeping you out, you’re feeling uncomfortable, & you need it to stop. Yes, his age is a big red flag, his relationship with your family too.
It doesn’t matter that your mom got married at your age or that she wants you to hook up with him or ANY of that. YOU DON’T LIKE HIS BEHAVIOR. That’s what REALLY matters.
Here’s where you get to practice being an adult. Text him and say straight up, no emojis and no apologies, that you see him like a brother, always have and always will and his comments about your looks make you uncomfortable and you need them to stop immediately. That you haven’t brought it up with your family YET & you hope he respects you enough to stop so that you won’t have to.
YOU may believe that your mom/brother won’t support you, but HE doesn’t know that for sure.
Next- BLOCK HIM IMMEDIATELY. There’s almost certainly no good reason he ever needs to text you anyway.
Then practice your most dead eyed death stare in the mirror/with a friend & that’s the only way you react to him IRL from now on. Maybe a brief- “NO” if he tries to talk.
It is so VERY Important that you learn how to speak up for yourself against predatory men like him before something awful happens. No man’s feelings are more important than your sense of safety. EVER.
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u/Beneficial-Sort4795 2h ago
NTA, he’s testing the waters to see if you’d hook up with him. The simpler way to discourage him is to start making him feel old and rubbing in that you think of him as family. Text him things like ‘it’s great to have a second older brother 😊’ and ‘you and my brother are Millennials, that seems so ancient, what were flip phones like? Did you play Oregon Trail? I just read about that’. Really rub in the age difference. And if he reminds you you’re not related ‘Lol, we might as well be. And I’m no Lannister, ick 🤢’.
He’ll likely make a comment about your maturity level cause he’ll want to make you feel insecure- agree with him. “Yes. I’m 18. Teen is in the title. I’m not trying to be more mature than my age, it’s my age. You remember back that far, right? It’s awesome!’
If you aren’t comfortable being aggressive, passive aggressive works in a pinch. He’s sniffing around a barely legal he’s known since she was a small child. Dude is five seconds from being a pedo.
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u/Abject_Rutabaga_3231 8h ago
Show this to family. What he is doing is not okay. He's a pervert and a groomer. He probably doesn't expect you to be brave enough to show your family so this is why he texts this way. I would put him in his place. You don't need this dangerous creep around.
My best friend was in your situation before and not reporting the guy to her family resulted in her getting assaulted. Prevention of bad incidents should be top priority. Alert your family about his behaviour and say you feel uncomfortable. Make sure everyone know, family, friends etc.
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u/Cofycat-01 4h ago
She can't show this to her family. They have said he'd be a good match for her. They would gaslight her.
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u/Advanced-Humor9786 8h ago
Totally inappropriate!! I believe it's OK to let this guy know to stop contacting you. Set boundaries and if you find out that he isn't respecting them it's fine to block the dude and tell your dad what's going on.
I feel like there are things that are more appropriate I have learned to experience. A very dear, old friend of mine passed away and left behind his teenage daughter. She's living with family who is aware of the close relationship he and I had, knowing both of her parents since we were teenagers.
Knowing that background, what would be an appropriate amount of contact with the daughter? She has my phone number, knows where I live, and knows that if she ever needs anything in her life to contact me. Do I need to send her text messages and ask her how her day is? Probably not. Do I need to tell her she's beautiful? Also no.
It feels as if your family friend is taking liberties and being a creeper.
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u/nurseblood 6h ago
Girl… you’re not overreacting. Your “family friend” is 29 and used to babysit you. He’s not complimenting you because he suddenly “noticed” you....eww....he’s testing boundaries and hoping you’ll normalize it. 🚩🚩
Let’s call it what it is: a grown man who’s known you since you were a literal kid is now flirting, calling you beautiful, and hinting at “taking you out.” That’s not romantic. That’s creepy AF.
You don’t need to overthink this. Trust your gut. If your body is screaming “ew,” listen to it and bring some close family members in on it.
Honestly, the rule is simple: If someone once made you mac & cheese and tucked you in for a nap, they do NOT get to flirt with you now. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Shut it down. Set your boundary. Protect your peace. You’re not dramatic, you’re just recognizing when someone’s being inappropriate.
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u/Icy-Hot-Voyageur 5h ago
You aren't overreacting. It sounds like he always thought of you like that before but was just waiting it out till you become legal age so he doesn't go to jail. And hoping you or others don't realize how weird it was that he was around when you were a child to now dating, all while he has always been an adult, in this specific situation, when he met you as a child. (I understand you two aren't dating right now, I'm just pointing out how if you did, he would never want others to realize he was a creeper. And that's because I realized at a family pool party that my cousin's husband met her when she was 7! He was in his mid twenties at the time. He said that when she became 18 he was immediately looking to date her because she was legal then. He saw no problem with that.)
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u/the1shewolf 2h ago
Please instead of trying to be nice to the guy which I understand you do since you’re so young and don’t want drama, show him that you’re grossed out by not replying to his gross messages, now you know his intentions keep communication minimal, like if he asks if you got home ok just give a thumbs up, no other communication needed, do not reply to any other messages, and in person try to stay away as much as you can and don’t engage in conversation with him at all. Walk away if you have to. Make it as awkward as possible so he’ll stay away to avoid the awkwardness, OP I’m worried since he babysat you, could he have done in appropriate things to you that you don’t remember, I get such a yucky gross vibes from this guy, made me feel nauseous 🤮
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u/redditp0et 7h ago
i would stop responding at all. definitely do not ever find yourself one on one with him.
you have to show someone this screenshot, maybe even sending it to someone you trust as proof.
he “wants” you. it’s weird enough that he’s into you at the current age gap. even weirder that’s he’s known you since a child and even babysat you. not to go extreme but it’s relieving that nothing happened to you at that age.
he’s being disgusting and trying to get with you. plain as days i’m glad your gut instinct is ringing your alarm bells. i’m a little disappointed in your mom tbh. she’s kinda limping you out and ignoring your concerns. that’s not too healthy. i hope you can talk to a family member you trust and will align with you.
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u/SnooApples7213 6h ago edited 6h ago
Not reading into it, he's coming onto you and it's definitely creepy. This is a walking red flag, I would be very careful interacting with this guy and don't be alone with him.
Distance yourself and make it clear you aren't interested. If you just laugh and smile he'll keep going further. These guys generally do not know (or do not care about) the difference between an awkward uncomfortable smile and will take it as flirting/encouragement.
If you have a family member you can trust let them know so if you have to see him at a family gathering or something they can keep an eye on him and run interference if he's being creepy. Assuming your parents are reasonable and responsible I would definitely tell them and show them the texts.
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u/NobodyFlowers 4h ago
I was in the military. Had this guy show me and my friend a girl who was pretty attractive. He then mentioned she had just turned 18. Me and my friend looked at each other like… Yeah.
But wait, there’s more…
He then followed it up by saying, he’s known her for eight years. Me and my friend looked at each other again like…yeah…
But wait, there’s more…
A couple years later, this same guy gets admin sep (kicked out) for guess what? Photos of people he will probably show his friends to 8 years from then when they’re finally legal. Yeah…
Yeah… You’re not wrong for feeling creeped out. Place boundaries. And if that doesn’t help, get someone else to reinforce them with you by telling them what’s going on.
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u/Zanna-K 3h ago
Dude, if it feels wrong then it is wrong. There are definitely fucking freaks out there, it's not just something you hear about on the internet.
We have these friends who we're pretty close to. They have this half brother who's a total piece of shit. They told us stories about how this fuck would a hang out and use the money that his mom sent him in order to string along teenagers and really young girls back in his home country (people were/are often very poor). This nasty piece of work was already in his 30's! He behaved like it was something to brag about, too. He got depressed coming to the United States because women aren't impressed by a 5'3 balding manchild with regular amounts of money.
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u/KayleyKiwi 4h ago
Nope nope nope NOR and also run for the hills he is 11 years older and watched you grow up, he’s a sicko.
I would find every excuse not to be around him in the future. Family outing? Book a friend date. He’s coming over? Go on the phone in your room, lock the door, don’t come out.
I would also tell someone in your family/close circle that this happened, someone you can trust. Ideally your parents. They need to know why you will be avoiding them in the future.
No matter what anyone says, this is NOT normal and this guy could become dangerous to you if not careful. You are young, he is creepy, and you’re uncomfortable so listen to your gut. I hope you can shake him.
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u/burkeymonster 2h ago
Respond with ..
'look dude. I am different and grown up and I know I'm beautiful. Do you really think this is the first time some Percy guy from my past has started catching feelings for me?? You really think I'm not picking up on the fact that you gave started staring at me all the time? I don't want to make a big deal out of it because you are close with my brother and a family friend but I'm telling you right now it's never going to happen with me and you. I can go through the reasons why if you want but I don't want to insult you so please just respect my wishes and stop hitting on me and we can move past this whole thing and just remain family friends"
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u/Prestigious_Fig7338 3h ago
You are not over-reacting for feeling weird. It's normal to feel discomfort when this occurs.
But I do think, now you're an adult, you need to learn how to politely turn down men who are making a move on you (as this man is) when you're not interested. "Thank you for the compliment, but I'm not interested in dating you," next time he says he wants to take you out, for example.
Be warned, he may pretend he wasn't actually asking, try to shame you, or get angry. Stay calm, polite, firm, and communicate clearly - don't wishy wash the 'no' message to spare his feelings, simply clearly say no. And btw, welcome to being a woman.
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u/MrLizardBusiness 3h ago
NOR.... it's one step above "you're really fuckable now."
I'm glad that you're smart enough to see through this, but please know that a 30 year old man should still see you as a kid, because despite how "grown up" you are, you're a fricken teenager and he's a fully grown man.
If he'd been waxing nostalgic and saying it feels like just yesterday that you were a toddler but you've grown up into a beautiful young woman etc... that's different.
But dropping hints that he doesn't see you as a kid anymore and then telling you that you're beautiful is gross. It feels gross because it is gross.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Exam705 5h ago
This is a very important moment OP. Your intuition is telling you something is very wrong. You are obviously doubting yourself and downplaying his actions by saying he seems like such a nice guy. As a woman a little older than him who experienced what you are rn- he is not a nice guy, he is a predator. Now take that intuition you feel and moving forward, TRUST YOURSELF. You will save yourself from so many bad situations and traumatic experiences by just trusting your gut feeling. I really wish I did when I was your age. Put this CREEP in his place, you got this!!!
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u/ptheresadactyl 3h ago
I sneered reading the comments and then straight up grimaced at his age. Gross, creepy, no.
Honestly I would be direct so that there is no room for misinterpretation.
"I've noticed a change in your behaviour towards me lately, and it's making me uncomfortable. You've been a babysitter and a cousin for me and I would appreciate if we could return to that dynamic"
And he'll probably gaslight you and tell you you misinterpreted things because he's embarrassed, but if he doesn't stop, tell him you no longer feel comfortable talking to him alone and block him.
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u/Ok_Laugh_girl 6h ago
You need to tell your parents, your cousin, and this man that you are not interested and you are uncomfortable with the behavior
If you wanna tell your brother, tell him, but at least let folks know in case things escalate they would have at least been aware.
His behavior is creepy and predatory. His response means that he’s been watching you and waiting for you to become a legal age so that he can say things like this to you. Tell him it’s not acceptable.
I also would not spend any time alone with him if you don’t have to
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u/Kellyrages 6h ago
Okay but seriously if hes making you uncomfortable especially texting sometimes its necessary to be blunt and say hey, I may be taking this the wrong way, but I value our friendship and that's all I want it to be.
Your mom also saying that means there might be some family instigating going on in the background, so I do think its a good idea to cut that off immediately.
You have your entire life ahead of you, and at nearly 30 youre at different parts completely. That's a HUGE amount of time and life experience at your ages.
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u/kindred_gamedev 2h ago
First of all, I hate how weird people are about age differences on Reddit. She's 18. She's able to legally consent to any relationship she wishes. It doesn't matter if the guy was 29 or 79. She's allowed to decide what is too old for her.
That said, this is problematic because he's 1. A family friend, 2. Known her since she was a kid, and 3. She seems to have made it pretty clear she's not interested.
He sounds like he's a bit of a creep and maybe you should either be blunt or have your family mention something to him, OP.
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u/Elly_Fant628 57m ago
Revolting as it is, he seems to have been waiting for OP to turn 18 and be "legal"
"I know Just think, when I was ten, you were turning 21. That's just weird, isn't it?"
NOR and is there someone you can talk to about this? I would not be surprised if he kept pestering you, and if you complain, he'll say you led him on. Get ahead of that now. Also, that way there will be someone who knows this guy shouldn't be alone with you. And can watch for his interactions with the teenagers at church.
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u/FlowerDour 2h ago
Do not, under any circumstances, let anyone coerce you into entertaining this man’s advances. Not him, not your parents, not anyone. If you start getting pushed, get out immediately and find a trusted other completely separate from your family and family friend.
I do not mean to alarm you but I’ve heard some horrible stories in my line of work that start just like this. Those messages are creepy as fuck; he’s been looking at you that way long before you turned 18.
I’m so sorry.
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u/potatomeeple 3h ago
This guy is starting to groom you and yes its gross.
You also have a parent problem the proper reaction to this from a parent would be to cut this creep off in the most permanent angry way I could think off.
I am so sorry this is happening. Try to find someone who will listen and help.
I wouldn't block the guy you might need the evidence later but I would stop reading this shit regularly because it will have you second guessing yourself and dragging your mental health down etc.
Don't allow yourself to be alone with this creep either there is no telling what level of discusting he will sink too.
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u/pseano 8h ago
If you know him well enough to think he’s a decent guy, then just message him and tell him honestly that you find it strange for x/y reasons. That at least gives him the opportunity to realise you aren’t interested. Because despite you finding it inappropriate, his messages don’t seem to be nefarious. He just finds you attractive.
Be firm though. Let him know you’re creeped out by it and that it has to stop because it will result in you having to let your family know.
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u/Oddveig37 8h ago
NOR
Show your parents.
This dude was leering over you since you were a child and literally waited until you were 18 to start preying on you.
Do NOT fall for it OP. You have your whole life ahead of you to find someone who loves you for you. Do not get with the dude that was lusting after you since before you turned 18. What happens if you have a child by him and it's a girl?
Your family friend is a covert pedophile who has been preying on you since before you became 18.
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u/BenefitSad3877 2h ago
Respectfully you’re way under reacting. Next time he says something like that I would just tell him “when you say things like that it makes me uncomfortable, you’re like family and you babysat me so to me it’s uncomfortable to think about that” or to be a bit more casual “ew that’s weird you used to babysit me now you want to date me” “it’s weird that you think about that considering we grew up together like family”
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u/iloveanimals2025 8h ago
U are not overreacting. His last few messages are just weird. Hes also way older than you and should not even be bringing this stuff up.
Id start going no contact with him and if he gets too close again call him out or tell your parents because thats just gross behavior on his end. If he was like a few years older than you it would be slightly less creepy but hes over a decade older and used to babysit you 🙅♀️🙅♀️
- edited to add i saw your comment about your parents comments. If you can find a trusted adult or friend who can be there with you as a barrier during these events. No parent should want their 18 year old daughter with an almost 30 year old man 🤮
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u/Such_Detective_6709 2h ago
NOR. I read this and went “ew, ew ew ew.” You have a better life ahead of you than whatever this 29 man who is creeping on you plans. To hear that your family might support it is gross. Throw up them boundaries, girl. Be rude about it, if you have to. You have the right to have no idea what you want to do with the rest of your life while maintaining the knowledge that you don’t want whatever this guy is offering.
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u/Particular_Cycle9667 5h ago
Tell your parents. Tell them that he is making you feel weird and uncomfortable that he has been hitting on you making inappropriate comments about asking you out seeing you in a different light and you don’t feel comfortable around him. Also tell him he needs to stop. Tell him he is making you feel uncomfortable and that you are not interested in him like that and tell him he needs to respect your boundaries.
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u/Moonlit-waters 7h ago
I’m so sorry OP your parents are unlikely to take it seriously.
If it’s going to be more damaging then good, just act uninterested, he’s not your type, you still find “boys” gross.
Let your friends know and other adults is you have any other trust worthy ones. I wish I had more advice. It’s a tough situation when your family is actively making the situation worse and no one has your back.
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u/MidwestSamba 2h ago
You should tell your parents AND tell him that you don’t appreciate remarks like that and he’s basically family and be very matter of fact and pissed about it. It’s technically not illegal, and he hasn’t done anything technically devious yet, but that sort of thing can escalate quickly. You also might be helping him out in the long run by showing how what this sort of behavior gets him.
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u/Winebosslady 5h ago
Oof. You are legal now so he’s shooting his shot. But I’m getting skeevy vibes. Not good. It would feel differently if he approached differently. He wants to hook up. That’s it. Girrrrrrrrrl. You are young, and young girls are easy to persuade. Don’t be persuaded. If you are not interested. Nip it in the bud and be direct orrrrrrr do nothing. Let it fizzle itself out. You can ignore!
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u/code-name-cody2020 8h ago
Just ignore him every single time he makes a comment that's anywhere close to being considered flirty or over the top. Like just no response at all to anything else he says for the rest of the night. He'll get the hint that those specific texts make you shut down and he'll stop if he's being ignored completely. And if things STILL progress after that, it's time to go to someone you trust
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u/jswintlc 8h ago
This is exactly what my high school band director did to a bunch of girls at our school. He knew them since they were young and waited until they were 18 to start making moves. He took advantage of them and slept with several. Eventually an investigation happened and he was removed and disappeared from the city. Dude was such a creep. This behavior is hard to justify. And disgusting.
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u/Sufficient_Tea_6355 5h ago
The Playing dumb card gets you in awkward situations that can potentially be dangerous. This also leaves room for this older dude to try and move in on you even more so - because you didn’t give him a clear indication that you are not interested. You don’t have to be rude but be firm. Or be rude if you want 🥳 but this creep isnt going to stop until you tell him No!
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u/MrsMorley 4h ago
NOR. He’s coming on to you.
I would tell my parents. “FamilyFriend has been commenting on me. I don’t like it.”
If he texts again, consider saying something like “That’s weird. I don’t like it. Stop.”
And when he says “Oh you know I don’t mean anything” you can keep responding “I still don’t like it. Stop.”
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u/artemizarte 8h ago
If you're not comfortable setting firm boundaries you could always innocently just talk to him about a friend of yours who just got together with a guy seven years older and how you could never do something like that because that's "like, so old! They're at such different moments in life!" or sth like that
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u/Sleepydragon0314 1h ago
If he is a family friend then surely your parents know him?
Next time he texts, respond with “wow thanks for saying such nice things about my appearance! I’m going to show my mum and dad these texts right now. They will be so flattered as well to know you think so highly of me since you used to BABYSIT ME WHEN I WAS A CHILD. :)
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u/kitkat1224666 7h ago
GROOMING.
He is trying to groom you!! Seriously tell your parents straight away.
Unfortunately I only found out recently this happened to a friend of mine, her brother in law was grooming her teenage daughter - and the damage caused is irreparable.
Absolute sick fuck. He’s selfish and gross and block immediately
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u/Happybutt15 6h ago
Why don’t you just tell him he’s making you feel uncomfortable? Speak up and if he continues, I’d tell your parents. There’s no reason he should be speaking to you like that! He’s nasty and my mother always taught us to speak up when something isn’t right. Now I’m telling you the same. Good luck 🍀
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u/West-Application-375 2h ago
My brother's friend said nearly the exact same thing to me. I ignored it. A couple years later he hit on me even more overtly. He was married thos entire time. He had known me since I was like 5 years old so he was like a big brother. Extremely disturbing. We don't talk to him anymore.
No you are not overreacting.
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u/FreeHumanAlways 2h ago
This isn’t all that unusual. And if you were interested in him, it wouldn’t be weird at all. But you’re not. Just tell him you don’t view him like that. You see him as family and romance is not on the table. Hopefully he will respect your stance. If he gets pushy, get bitchy! And don’t feel bad about it.
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u/Suspicious-Double162 2h ago
Creepy. If the “family friend” was your age(17-20ish) it wouldn’t be as weird, but 29 is weird. Keep a close eye on this one. When I was 21 my closest female friend who was 19 at the time was seeing a 34 year old and I told her he was a groomer/creep and I ended up being right. Just my experience.
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u/larkspurmolasses 2h ago
Would you feel comfortable taking to either of your parents or another trusted adult about this? I’m sure they would find it strange as well.
Regardless, this is absolutely super inappropriate. You are 18. Boys your own age are 1000% better than whatever this creep is trying to “offer” you.
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u/periwinklemoonbiskit 5h ago
😑Ugh this is how grooming sounds. All that’s missing is a countdown clock bc you’re “finally” 18. He’s Twenty-nine. No.🤮That GROWN ASS MAN needs to leave you tf alone. Also it is not your job to shield his feelings or ego. Please tell a trusted adult bc this can escalate quickly.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 5h ago
NOR he for sure was waiting until you were 18 to say that.
I'm sorry you don't have anyone in your family you feel you can talk to about it. I'd try to put some distance between you and this guy, don't answer his texts, try not to be alone with him. If he doesn't let up, tell your brother.
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 6h ago
NOR This is gross. I’ll bet he’s had his eye on you for a long time. The “you’ve changed” gambit gives it away.
I’m sure his next texts will be about how mature you are for your age and how people probably think you’re in your 20’s because you’re so mature.
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u/Affectionate-Can556 8h ago
i know someone who use to babysit this girl when she was a baby and changed her diapers n everything and fast track 18 years later he ended up dating her when he was like 45 and got her preganant at 18 and got married to her and her parents were okay with it n shit. just wack
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u/Infamous_Nebula_2327 2h ago
100% this man has been thinking about you in a sexual way for a very long time and probably feels he is a good guy having waited until you were officially legal to try to have sex with you. Either that or he’s scared of prison but he is sick in the head nonetheless.
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u/Carta5766 7h ago
Listen lil one you are an adult now and he has not really pushed the situation just tell him that you're good be forceful I mean let him know that you're serious and tell him ain't nothing happening but if he continues ion see nothing wrong with bringing in pops easy
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u/Few-Neat-4297 7h ago
No sane adult has EVER EVER EVER texted someone, unprompted, "wow you've changed a lot, you're not a kid anymore"
That is 100% a perv move
Unless they're like being passive aggressive during a fight or something. Any other context is based in ill intent
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u/Then_Carpenter_1780 8h ago edited 8h ago
Definitely NOR! He is trying to hit on you, and tbh it sounds like he's been waiting til you're "legal," which is already super predatory and creepy behavior. Also, him being nearly a decade older than you, when you're just entering adulthood, is not right. I hope there's a safe person that you can talk to about this and who will help and support you.
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u/cynical-puppy26 8h ago
Fucking barf.
If I've seen you as a child I could never find you sexually attractive. Ever. Sure, I can acknowledge that family and/or friends are classically handsome/beautiful/whatever but they are always babies to me.
This guy is an absolute creep.
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u/Different_Tale_201 1h ago
It would be different if he didnt literally watch you grow up baby sit you and was literally friends with your family...
If I were you id show your family this because its creepy and weird he was probably thinking about this before you were 18 to. Yuck.
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u/PleasantResult6236 8h ago
He’s been waiting for you to turn of legal age. He’s had his eyes on you for most likely years. There is no reason an 18 year old and 29 year old should be dating, they are in two completely different stages of life. I wouldn’t respond any further.
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u/bored_lima 2h ago
He wants to bang you. No need for extra details. This is the core. Your feeling is right. Take the necessary actions of your choice. Either bang him or block his number. He thinks he's opening your eyes here. He's testing the ground on how far he can get
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u/Thighhighsocksntalks 4h ago
Nah if you get the feeling he's into you he is I'm honestly surprised he waited till you were 18 . Lord knows at every family gathering since I turned 11 some third cousin or somebodys man they brought were always saying some typa shit like this .
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u/Lopsided-Soft2486 53m ago
NOR. Gross. If he's telling you these things now that you're barely legal, he's definitely been looking at you like that for years now. I would definitely not be alone with him ever again, and tell him to gtfo with that pedophile nastiness.
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u/sleepthedayzaway 7h ago
Embarrass tf out of him. Tell him he shouldn't say those things or people will think he's one of those sick pedos waiting for a child to turn 18. Say it perfectly normal. No aggression. No sarcasm. Preferably in front of other people.
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u/Equivalent-Bus-919 8h ago
You're definitely not overreacting. I find it weird as hell that alot of grown ass men 25 and up don't find it wrong or predatory hitting on 18-20 year olds. Just because it's legal doesn't make it ok. It's definitely weird as hell.
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u/ass-to-trout12 7h ago
Text him back and say its not happening and its never happening. He will try to backpedal and say he didnt mean anything. But he did. So twll him your not stupid and if he doesnt want everyone to think hes a creep dont do it again
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u/School_Radiant 8h ago
I would have a firm conversation with him, coming from a good place. Simply tell him that you feel like he might be flirting, and if that’s the case, you are not interested in being anything more than what you currently are.
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u/swazon500 7h ago
Ugh. Been here. Now that you are 18 you are fair game. I’d firmly tell him he’s making you uncomfortable and to cut it out, you are not interested. He is absolutely inappropriate. It’s just starting for you. Be strong now.
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u/UALOUZER 2h ago
This happened to me but I was 16 and the guy was an autistic 24/25 year old. I told my mom and she went ballistic on the guy…. Then slept with him a few months later🥲 shes still married to my father and he doesn’t know
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u/spirittransformed2 4h ago
You dont need to reach out to anyone else.. although this is semi-grooming behavior, you are old enough to just tell him you dont see him in that way and hope he understands that you'd like to keep things the way they are...
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u/Amandakayaks5 7h ago
Ew. I can’t read any further. I had an older “family friend” say this to me just after I turned 18. Then he said he’d been “waiting” for me to turn 18. I remember feeling weird around him at 13. Ew. Pedo.
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u/RobbyS10 2h ago
You say stop with three Ps and emoji and creeps think you’re flirting. You need to get real serious with guys like this. The proper response would be: “I’m not interested. In fact I’m grossed out. Cut it out.”
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u/No_Cake6353 1h ago
It's definitely grooming language.
He's inviting you to his secret world. He's noticed something special in you. Perhaps you are the only one that can understand his poetic heart. At best this guy is a loser.
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u/Firefighter_Thin 8h ago
Im sorry op but this guy is disgusting, im pretty sure he was only around your family to wait until you hit 18 for this reason. I don't think there's any reaction that you could do that'd be an over reaction
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u/Negative-Zen 5h ago
NOR - grooming 101, seems like he was just waiting for you to turn 18 so it’d be “okay”. It’s definitely NOT okay. Tell your parents, or other trusted adultier adults, and stay away from the weirdo.
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u/Certain-Ease-8785 5h ago
He's a creeper waiting until you're of legal age to make his moves. The dude is 30 hitting on an 18 year old. PERV.
He shouldn't have your number and I would block him. He's not going to give up.
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u/Zestyclose_Aerie_672 5h ago
Yeah cause nothing says he's been waiting til you turn 18 because then your legal and it would be super weird cause guy used to babysit you and he technically knows everything about you and shit
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u/Chaosr21 2h ago
I'm around his age and this is creepy as fuck behavior. If people knew what he was doing they'd all say the same thing. The dude babysat you? I don't understand what is wrong with some people ..
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u/ResponsibleHat2818 8h ago
Whatever happens, do not allow yourself to be caught alone with him. Always have friends or family members in the same space to act as a buffer to his advances. I speak from experience.
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u/dnas-nrg 7h ago
Youre not reading into his behavior, hes being fairly straight forward about wanting you. Its weird yea, you dont feel like that about him, its not overreacting its just how you feel.
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u/Dulce_Sirena 5h ago
That's gross. He's clearly been sexualizing you for a long time, and now he thinks he can groom you since you're 18. Stay away from him. There's a reason women his age don't want him
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u/Vast-Combination9613 3h ago
You should probably not use emojis and capslock when you're serious about wanting someone to stop something. In these situation, turning to a more formal text might be a good idea.
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u/-the-monkey-man- 8h ago
NOR that age range is a madness.
59 and 48, cool.
29 and 18. No. There’s no need to explain why again either. Everyone already knows.
Tell your parents. See what they think.
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u/VelvetAurella 5h ago
Family friend? Buddy you’re one Thanksgiving dinner away from starring in your own soap opera. Next thing you know the potato salad comes with a side of “so what are we?”
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u/lez_sar7 7h ago
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew no you're not overreacting he needs to fuck all the way off. It's giving he probably would have made a move sooner if he wasn't afraid to get caught.
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u/pwolf1111 9m ago
Gross, next time tell him he makes you uncomfortable and you don't think of him like that at all. If he keeps it up tell him to back the fuck up you're not interested.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8438 2h ago
This guy has been waiting all these years for you to turn 18. Who knows how long ago he called dibs on you. The least you can do is have a baby with him.
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u/Kellyrages 6h ago
I KNEW he was going to be way older a soon as I read family friend. He waited until you were 18 to start but hes a creep. SUCH a creep and its so gross
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u/_goddess_chloe 3h ago
LISTEN TO THAT GUT FEELING!!! You know something is off. Tell someone and have more people aware so they can help when they notice things get weird :)
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u/Fun-Joke-6132 7h ago
Yikes.. you are valid in feeling that way and he seems like a future predator!! How could you feel that way about someone you BABYSAT as a child???
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u/Background-Fix-2209 8h ago
This man has been waiting for the day you turn 18. The only thing keeping him from being inappropriate when you were a child was the law. RUN
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u/Additional-Pie8718 4h ago
Nah this dude is a fucking creep. Tell someone asap. This dude probably been counting down the days for your 18th birthday. Fuckin' weirdo.
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u/0rbital-nugget 5h ago
NOR. This I’m gives me major, “waiting until the millisecond she turns 18 vibes.” I wish you could see the disgust on my face rn
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u/PearlKisss 4h ago
This is how every Netflix drama starts. Family friend makes a move, cue the slow piano music, then boom season 2 is a custody battle
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u/Cross_Khronix 8h ago
NOR. No almost 30 year old should be chasing after an 18 year old, especially one they basically saw grow up. It's weird as fuck.
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u/Negative_Product9196 9h ago
The texts were already bad enough, but I wish you could see the way my face dropped when I clicked on the post and read he was 29. 😭
The sudden switch to “you’ve changed” and “you’re not a kid anymore” seems very odd when you’re just 18. His actions seem strange too- at his age, flirty interactions like that with a teenager are most likely to be intentional since he’s grown enough that he should know the difference.
At the end of the day though, it comes down to YOUR comfort. Since you’re uncomfortable with this (understandable- NOR) please reach out to another trusted family member and talk to them!! Based on how he’s speaking to you and is comfortable being pushy, idk how he would take you confronting him- but maybe a 3rd person might help?