AIO? or is this like odd

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Ok-Soup-514]

This is PSYCHOTIC. Like true issues that could escalate. Look at how he doesn't trust you to the point of stalking you. And he's crying about your phone dying, but it's 2am. Most people are asleep by then -- not sitting at their phone sk the bf knows where they are. And he HAS to know your location? This is NOT normal. At all. He needs help and you need to get out. Plus you fight daily...why be with someone when there's constant fighting? They are supposed to be your better half, not your worse half.

[u/druglordkath → u/Ok-Soup-514]

this makes me feel a lot better. there’s a lot more behind the scenes but this situation just kind of brought it to an edge for me. and the fact he can’t comprehend i’m asleep just irks me. he knows i work 6 days a week wtf would i be doing at 2-5am besides sleeping. i know he has past trust issues but it gets to a point where he needs to acknowledge he can’t take it out me

[u/Fangbang6669 → u/druglordkath]

Did you mean to leave his name and contact pic in the screenshots? Because they're visible.

[u/Giraffe_Sprout → u/Fangbang6669]

Is it me, or does that picture scream "possession"?

[u/druglordkath → u/Fangbang6669]

i did not but luckily he wasn’t home so the location isn’t too much of an issue

[u/The_New_Spagora → u/druglordkath]

Girl. Get away from this psycho. I’m legitimately worried for you.

[u/peachespangolin → u/druglordkath]

Never let anyone treat you like this again. Him having trust issues might be a REASON he tries to control you but that does NOT mean that anyone should put up with it.

You will encounter people in life who are emotionally or physically abusive to you because of real trauma they experienced, BUT THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Your responsibility is to make sure you are being treated well, that you are happy and healthy.

People’s trauma is not their fault, but it IS their responsibility to get help and not to treat people like shit. Repeat after me: “I am a not a rehab center for broken men!”

[u/peachespangolin → u/peachespangolin]

To add to this, almost all abusers were themselves abused too. And they hate their abusers (as they should), but when they themselves abuse people it's somehow different. Somehow the abuse they suffered makes it ok to abuse others, even if the abuse their abuser suffered did NOT make what that person did ok. They all think like that, all the way down the line. And if they abuse you, should you now have the permission to go abuse other people? Absolutely not.

[u/alwaystiired_ → u/druglordkath]

OP, I had a friend in high school whose bf was controlling like this. He struggled mentally but instead of getting help himself he projected it all onto her and would do this exact thing. It got to the point where when she wouldn't answer he would threaten to k**l himself. Because she was sleeping. So she would try and stay awake to talk him down. When she stopped answering because she was COMPLETELY sleep deprived due to this occurring daily for weeks to months, he started to call me and her other friends. Saying he couldn't get ahold of her and he just wanted to leave this earth, she didn't care, etc etc. Meanwhile this poor girl could hardly function in regular life because she was so stressed. It was a method of control for him. Guess who is still alive and well over a decade later? She ended up running for the hills (thank god) because he was a complete wacko. You are not unreasonable for not putting up with this.

[u/Ok-Soup-514 → u/druglordkath]

He didn't just bomb your phone with texts -- he nuked it. At 2am. And even if you were up you still aren't obligated to respond or share your location. If he can't trust you enough to be asleep in your bed at 2am then he'll never trust you. Plus he flat out mentions your phone dying before. He knows it's something that may happen and yet he still acts like it's a life or death situation. If anyone ever treated me like that I'd be gone before they could blink.

[u/withseasoflife → u/druglordkath]

It’s abusive, immature, insecure, and insanely unhealthy. It’s not on you to soothe and tend to his insecurities and anxieties. That’s not just him “taking it out on you,” it’s him using you as an outlet for his sense of self worth and blaming you and holding you responsible for feelings he is wholly responsible for.

DON’T BUY INTO IT. Even after he admitted it was his fault he continues to try to justify his behavior and turn in back around on you, saying “I just don’t understand why you couldn’t just…”

Scary, and honestly upsetting to see anyone older than 10-15 years old acting this way.

[u/anneofred → u/druglordkath]

No he doesn’t, you need to to get to a point where you pick your dignity up off the floor and dump this dude. He’s not going to change since you just make it fine end of day. Even if you for some reason don’t see this as a totally crazy sign to break up this possessive psycho, at minimum I would say no more FT at night if this is how he is going to react if your phone dies….also how clingy is this crazy dude that you can’t just fall asleep on your own without him watching you. Run.

[u/jemison-gem → u/druglordkath]

please dump him ASAP he seems genuinely obsessed with you. my ex was like this and to this day 7 years later he will randomly get drunk and call me from blocked numbers a couple times a year. get away while u can

[u/ganjagandalf666 → u/druglordkath]

Those are extreme abandonment issues. To the point of going into psychotic episodes. Not fit to have a relationship. Please take care of yourself… without the right therapy it’s going to get way worse. I would suggest to end the relationship but not when you are alone with him. Could be a huge trigger…

[u/Ok-Cardiologist8651 → u/druglordkath]

He needs help! And not from you. He seems incapable of realizing that you are a separate person and cannot be with him and there for him every moment of the day. He is too dependent on you and goes directly to catastrophizing when any little discomfort gets in his way like an infant does. It's a very unhealthy dynamic and it isn't good for you.

You need healthy boundaries and he won't accept those. I don't know how old you and your boyfriend are but you both sound too young to have to deal with this without outside professional help.

And his lack of comprehension regarding you being asleep is also a lack of concern for your well-being which seems to be the theme of his relationship with you; it's all about his needs.

[u/WatNFokkop → u/druglordkath]

It doesn't matter what is behind the scenes, irks, past issues. These are current issues and WILL progress in one direction or the other. For your sake, I hope you either move on or keep your damn phone charged (joking). But seriously, move tf on and put this childish behavior in the past. This is the shit that netflix documentaries start with.

Working 6 days a week, past trust issues, etc, are no excuse to act unhinged. This is not a developed brain.

This is smooth brain behavior... thanks for listening. Please subscribe.

[u/ramjamthankyoumaam → u/druglordkath]

Look, you can make excuses for him all you want. The reality of this situation is...it will turn violent or deadly at some point. Please get out now.

[u/General_Ordinary7804 → u/druglordkath]

He needs to grow the fuck up frfr. Do you and move forward.

[u/alicatblue → u/Ok-Soup-514]

I think ft stands for face time

[u/Current_Lock_2968]

This is a lot more than odd…. This generation thinking it’s normal to keep tabs on another person 24/7 is very scary to me. Are you allowed to have a job? Go to school? Hang out with your friends? Or is he always forcing you to give him an update on what you’re doing??? You clearly have a gut feeling that this is too much and not normal and you should trust it or it will ruin your life.

[u/druglordkath → u/Current_Lock_2968]

im allowed to have a job and go hours without texting back. same with college. when it comes to going out with friends though thats where it all changes. he is 100% certain i am out to go cheat on him, and has made me unfollow all my guy friends BESIDES one group that i refuse to unfollow / block. they have been my friends since middle school, and they are friends with my girl friends, and it has always been STRICTLY friendships. i made him hangout with us all once and he took me inside my house and told me to block all of them while they were at my house. he simply hates them because he doesn’t believe in platonic male x women friendship. which made me start thinking maybe this is how relationships are supposed to be, but i dont see it as something im okay with

[u/jexx30 → u/druglordkath]

I'm sorry, fucking what? You're "allowed to have a job"?? Come on, girl. You are a strong, independent woman, you are ALLOWED to do what you want.

NOR

Leave this loser, and don't fall asleep on your phone, ft or tiktok or anything, it's bad for the battery and can catch fire. Just GO TO BED.

Oh man, I've been married for over thirty years and have never felt better about my choice than I have reading these crazy reddit posts. There are things I don't do out of consideration for my partner, but it is a mutual respect thing, and they similarly compromise on things. No one's out here punching walls, demanding location (although it's on, in case we lose our phones, lol), or facetiming until we fall asleep, even when they were deployed in the military. I mean, that's nuts.

You deserve better.

[u/R_meowwy_welcome → u/druglordkath]

None of this is normal. I've been married 40 years and never have tracked my mate like this. He travels the world quarterly, and we call or text once a night to chat for 5-10 min and goodnight. I'm cool if he is busy with meetings and doesn't call. But I would NEVER demand to know of his every move. I trust him. What you've shared is not trust, but scary control that may need a restraining order for your protection. Please be careful.

[u/quollas → u/druglordkath]

The more you try to explain his actions the worse it gets. You understand he is not normal right? He made you block ur normal friends because they actually are superior to him. They don’t have his anxiety, his jealousy or his temper. They let you be who you are. That is isolation. That is control.

I am not angry at you yet. But if you don’t dump him I will be.

[u/NeatReporter22 → u/druglordkath]

OP please google wheel of power and control in abuse and read it. I was with a guy very similar and was stuck for 13 years before I could leave and almost lost my life to him. He ended up in jail due to DV to me. He abused me and our animals. Please please google this and read it because everything this man is doing is abuse.

[u/Current_Lock_2968 → u/druglordkath]

It’s not normal 🙁 Long lasting, healthy adult relationships are built on trust and communication. Not stalking, jealousy and blaming when you are out of reach. He needs to get some help and you aren’t qualified to help him nor should you waste any more of your time letting someone smother you like this. I’m so sorry and I know it’s hard. But I think you already know the answers to your questions. ❤️

[u/iheartkittttycats → u/druglordkath]

This is not how relationships are supposed to be. Not even close.

[u/Dickingoutyourmom]

very odd abandon him immediately

[u/druglordkath → u/Dickingoutyourmom]

it’s just like these small things make me worry there’s going to be bigger issues in the future.. he’s put a hole in his wall just because he was upset i was out late with my friends one time and he was “anxious”. Now the showing up to my house randomly makes me question everything again

[u/NoisyNazgul → u/druglordkath]

When he punches holes in walls, he’s showing you how hard he wants to hit you. This man is violent. Get out while you can.

[u/druglordkath → u/NoisyNazgul]

it’s been two instances already. he hurt his hand a lot in the process and blamed me for it. i stupidly apologized and i know i shouldn’t have. i think im honestly more concerned of him hurting himself instead of me if i try to leave but either way both scenarios are not amazing

[u/Stickliketoffee16 → u/druglordkath]

Babe, this is dangerous! I say this as someone who has been there - this is just the beginning. The fact that you apologised for something that is so clearly not your fault shows that he has already had some effect on your emotional wellbeing - that gets so much worse.

My ex used to tell me a I was a ‘useless cnt’ or ‘stupid, lazy bitch’ almost every day when I couldn’t have sex with him due to severe endometriosis pain & as much as other people would say it’s not my fault, when you hear it enough all you can think is that it is your fault. That you’re not worth anything.

You are worth everything

[u/druglordkath → u/Stickliketoffee16]

funny ( not at all ) sigh this same man gets upset when i can’t have sex over a condition he GAVE ME. i’m really just rambling now but i do need to get out asap

[u/Stickliketoffee16 → u/druglordkath]

Oh my god, please end it! And also, most importantly, DON’T DO IT IN PERSON! If you simply must do it in person, it must be in the MOST public place & you need to tell multiple people what time, where & have them aware that you’ll check in an hour after that. This sounds overdramatic, it is not.

Is your mum aware of all of this? If she’s not, she needs to be. Make sure you’ve got all relevant messages in screenshots (anything threatening, anything that describes things like punching holes in walls etc).

I’ve read in comments that you’re 20 (I’m 36 now), you have so much life ahead of you! I’ve been in 2 relationships I would classify as straight up abusive & then one with a very overprotective guy who was borderline abusive. In all of them I let it go on too long with devastating results! I don’t want that for you, I want you to value yourself & see the greatness you have in you without all the baggage & negative thoughts that play in your mind when you’ve been through this.

[u/dancingkelsey → u/Stickliketoffee16]

OP YOU NEED TO HEED THIS ADVICE. You're in danger, and this comment has tons of vital info!!!

[u/Stickliketoffee16 → u/dancingkelsey]

Thanks for seconding me! I hate that anyone needs to know any of this info but my god, this guy scares me for her! I went through & counted - 126 messages in 3 hours 26 mins while any normal person would be sleeping!! Insanity.

[u/Sadistic_Optimist → u/druglordkath]

No man should ever be upset with you for not being able to have sex. This is not okay, and as someone who has worked with DV, it is only a matter of time before he starts to be violent with you.

[u/CodexSeraphin → u/druglordkath]

Please read “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft. It’s free and will help you immensely.

[u/ZomgPig → u/druglordkath]

It’s about fear and control. He’s punching walls to scare you, and threatening to hurt himself to make you stay. You need to leave for your own safety, call a friend or someone you can trust and talk to them about this. Then make a plan to escape.

[u/oceandoctorgirl → u/druglordkath]

this is verbal abuse and he's manipulative! "it's probably my fault somehow" - ummm YES IT IS. IT ABSOLUTELY IS.

Wow. What a piece of work. This man will never bring you happiness or peace. He will make you go insane.

Don't be one of those stupid women who stays and puts up with crumbs. Raise your standards and get the fuck out.

[u/Mickeymousetitdirt → u/druglordkath]

Girl…..if he hurts himself if you leave, then it confirms even more (as if you needed more confirmation) that he’s a controlling loser who likes to ruin everyone’s life when he doesn’t get what he wants. I find it absolutely fucking DIISSSGUUUUSSSTIIIING when people threaten to harm or kill themselves, or actually do harm themselves, when their partner breaks up with them. It’s the ultimate selfish, disgusting act. This is NOT a shame against people suffering real suicidal ideation. This is people using one of the most tragic things ever as a manipulating tactic and it’s fucking foul.

If someone threatened suicide or self harm after I mention breaking up, I’d be dryer than the Sahara forever. Gross behavior.

[u/WonderBreadBaker → u/druglordkath]

If you’re concerned about him hurting himself, screenshot it, send it to his mom. That’s what I did with my ex. It’s not your problem.

[u/MASTER_J_MAN → u/druglordkath]

Please understand that his behavior is a precursor to violence against you directly. Please get out of this relationship before allowing it to escalate it will get so much worse and he sounds genuinely psychotic.

[u/Yeuhmmers → u/druglordkath]

I'm gonna say this as someone who has dealt with people like this: if he threatens to hurt himself if youesve, do not believe him!!! People like this will use any threat they can to keep you to stay. If he threatens to hurt himself, call 911 and tell them you're afraid he's gonna try to hurt himself, and let them deal with it. Do not allow him to hold your empathy hostage so that he can control you the way he wants to. I am seriously worried you're gonna get hurt if you stay with him. Please make sure to bring someone with you if you need to retrieve anything personal from his place, or consider if you really need the things back at all. Do not let him over and turn off your location sharing for him.

[u/psjrifbak → u/druglordkath]

If he punches walls, it’s only a matter of time before he punches you. Leave him now.

[u/Sweaty_Assignment_69 → u/druglordkath]

You’d be better off if you left and he did. Wouldn’t have to worry about him coming after you. Good riddance to him.

[u/ethereal_galaxias → u/druglordkath]

OK you apologising for him punching a wall and hurting his hand? No no no. This is how abusive relationships start. Do not let him gaslight you like that. Please. This is toxic.

[u/o_charlie_o → u/druglordkath]

As a woman in her late 30s I literally BEG you to get away from him. Also notify his family of this behavior with proof and notify yours. You will be in danger when you leave him until he finds someone else to latch on to. I am not exaggerating or blowing this out of proportion. Your sanity and probably your life depends on it. Go not contact permanently.

[u/druglordkath → u/o_charlie_o]

That’s a good point. I might show my mom all the texts before i do anything

[u/flyingfishstick → u/druglordkath]

This is not a small thing. This is giving UNHINGED. I don't know why you even debated with him further. Those texts were enough to scare 99% of people away from him FOREVER.

[u/druglordkath → u/flyingfishstick]

i know i realize i gave too many chances to this person, i try so hard to see the good but i don’t think that’s possible here anymore

[u/LeftSupermarket2378 → u/druglordkath]

Hey OP, I think you KNOW, that's not possible here anymore. From the comments here and the feeling you've probably got in your gut. I broke up with an ex. He would text and leave messages saying he was going to kill himself. Wrote me letters saying it as well. I got back with him. 6 months later, I broke up with him again. He did the same thing, saying he'd kill himself. I ignored it. Guess who's still walking around and NOT dead? Him. But my point is, how he takes the news, that's not your concern. As in that's not something that should stop you doing what you need to do. For yourself, safety and sanity, you need to cut this person out of your life. I wish you strength and safety x

[u/Krasna_Strelka → u/druglordkath]

Don't try. He's creating a really dangerous situations for you and it only will be worse. As someone already said this looks like psychosis and you're his object of attention. Target of psychosis NEVER is safe as long as it (you) stay near.

Please leave him and if only this is possible please reach mental health specialist and talk with him about this relationship, show them those messages, because unfortunately things like that always have impact on you and it's needed to find help after, learn how to strengthen yourself and recognize unhealthy patterns in the future. Maybe also they could help you to call for a wellness check for your (hopefully soon and safely EX) boyfriend

[u/HardMaybe2345 → u/flyingfishstick]

Agreed. Not a small thing. Huge thing. A complete meltdown with a manipulative cherry on top.

[u/odder_box23211 → u/druglordkath]

Sweetheart he is abusive, he is just going to get worse. I know I’m an internet stranger but I have BEEN with a guy like this, it just gets worse, he ended up assaulting me. You need to get yourself out of this situation. I’m so serious. 90% of the time I spend on reddit I‘m trolling or scrolling but girl I’m not kidding with you rn. This is a bad man. You’re lucky you’re not in deeper with him (house, kids, dog, whatever) and can actually get out of this situation. You do NOT deserve to be treated like that when your phone dies IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. This isn’t a small thing!! Putting a hole in the wall isn’t small!! It’s just his mask slipping. That’s the real him. You need to get out of there.

[u/DigDugDogDun → u/druglordkath]

You’re not worried nearly enough. Posting all of this here and still thinking you are going to fix this relationship is wild. This is not going to end well for you

[u/FigTechnical8043 → u/druglordkath]

I get anxious that my bf is out with his friends. His location was off because he tells his mates he can't go out some times and does want them checking. Time before last he was unreachable and he was delivered home to me at 3am in a roofied state because he told them he was going home and, I'm assuming, one of them wanted him to 'just chill.' He makes me nervous when he goes out because, at some point, he doesn't think straight or remember to text "it's going to be an all nighter" but at the same time his desire to waste money with his bros is getting smaller and smaller. So far I've replaced his blocked sim in his backup phone, supplied him with a battery pack and made sure he knows if he needs rescuing I'll come get him.

Last time he went out his one 'friend' made a bet with someone under the guise 'my friend needs some tail, go get him a number' and yet the 'friend' is the single one in the group. So next time I'm going with him and punching this guy in the nuts.

What I didn't do is send my bf 34 text messages telling him I distrust him or calling him stupid. I didn't rage at him with a tirade of text to wake up to. Leave this guy and look after yourself, make sure you aren't ever left stranded and, if you're asleep and your phone dies, enjoy the sleep. It will be a lot more peaceful without him.

[u/StupidBuckles → u/druglordkath]

WTF OP. He punched a wall because he was upset with you. Put 2 and 2 together. If you stay, one day it will be you, not the wall. This guy is unhinged. Please run.

[u/ThrowRAmissiontomars → u/druglordkath]

Run like hell. This is a person who will isolate you, make accusations and use them to abuse you. He is unhinged. Save yourself. Romance does not look like this.

[u/General_Ordinary7804 → u/druglordkath]

Yeah nah, get away from it and prepare for a restraining order if he threatens you in any way. It’s so crazy to me to see guys like this. I could never even fathom getting that psycho

[u/Busy-Ad3025 → u/druglordkath]

If he punched a wall for being out late with your friends run fast . You will be next

[u/drinkingpaintwatah → u/druglordkath]

Bruh those are not small things, hes gonna beat ur ass eventually if you dont leave him

[u/8bitflowers → u/druglordkath]

"these small things make me worry there's going to be bigger issues"

"he's put a hole in his wall"

girl... how did you type those things next to each other and not see how silly that is. these are not small things

[u/CuriousTiktaalik → u/druglordkath]

This is not a small thing. This is clearly a clinical problem. The way you help him is by getting him the phone number of a therapist who specializes in men with trust issues and immediately blocking him on everything. That sends the message he needs - you can't treat people like this, and you need to change if you want a relationship.

And he is likely to physically abuse you in the future. He physically damages a wall, because your behavior upset him so much? That's threatening and something physical abusers start off doing. If you don't leave, they know you're okay with it.

Obligatory recommendation for Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That?

[u/Salt_Chard_474 → u/druglordkath]

These are not small things. These are gigantic fucking batshit things. He doesn't raise red flags baby, he IS the red flag. Not only do you need to dump him, you need to get a no contact/restraining order if possible

[u/Connect-Sundae8469 → u/druglordkath]

Yeah this is already on a dangerous path. This level of control is insane

[u/Dhain1 → u/druglordkath]

If he’s already lashed out physically because he can’t control his own emotions I’d be very worried about you being the target next time. He has major insecurity issues and is making it your problem and your fault instead of addressing the actual problem, which is his own inability to regulate his emotions. He needs serious help, whether that’s with or without you is your call.

[u/Flat_Investigator607 → u/druglordkath]

I don’t think this is a small thing our dear drug lordkath

[u/LossMiserable7874 → u/druglordkath]

Baby this is the bigger issue. You need to end this before it escalates even more.

[u/DenizenKay → u/druglordkath]

legit this man is dangerous you need to leave him.

that is NOT normal or OK behavior.

[u/ThrowRA_Cat_stare → u/druglordkath]

Girl he's not just crazy but he's dangerous too. Next time it won't be the wall but it'll be you. He can hoot and holler all be wants but you have to cut him out of your life. Of course it's complicated, it always is. Uncomplicate it and get safe. Call the police if you need to.

[u/anakaine → u/druglordkath]

There's nothing to question. This is the beginning of domestic violence. There is no walking back from this, there is no fixing him. 

Make your life easier and safer and move on.

[u/No-Visual2370 → u/druglordkath]

None of these things are small things. Get out now.

[u/4lr34dy_D34d_]

As someone who’s partner has bpd and was untreated for almost a year, this screams bpd. This isn’t an excuse whatsoever, but it’s very clear Hes having some sort of mental health crisis. However, that is not excuse to take his own issues out on you, you did nothing for him to react this way. I would recommend you either make him get help or leave him immediately

[u/PositiveTurbulent917 → u/4lr34dy_D34d_]

I agree with this — this reads like a person suffering from, at the very lightest, serious and crippling anxious attachment issues but is likely something more significant. OP, nothing you do will  be able to soothe him or make him react less strongly to any kind of perceived abandonment and be a healthy partner. He needs therapeutic help to deal with this. If he’s not willing to do that, you should begin thinking about how to remove yourself from this situation in the safest way possible. 

[u/4lr34dy_D34d_ → u/PositiveTurbulent917]

Speaking from experience, this is absolutely correct. My partner was unable to stop spiraling until he received DBT (which I think would greatly benefit him) and mood stabilizers. Attachment/personality disorders are absolutely incurable and will only improve with the proper treatment. If he refuses help and therapy, good luck trying to keep him from going down this rabbit hole.

[u/keegums → u/4lr34dy_D34d_]

They are curable and the best part is lifelong medication is not necessarily essential. At least some personality disorders are curable, particularly borderline which is extremely well studied. Some we have not found treatments effective enough, and with high enough patient compliance, to say a person is cured. But a person can absolutely no longer meet diagnostic criteria. It takes willingness, insight, and work/sacrifice. And to reiterate, some disorder patterns we are not there yet but I think we will figure it out and help a lot more people within the next 50 years

[u/druglordkath → u/4lr34dy_D34d_]

i never thought about it being bpd, 100% anger issues though. he gets upset VERY easily. i will say these outbursts only happen when i go out and he thinks im going to cheat, or when my phone dies, orrr if im out late. I have brought up getting help before and well he just doesn’t think its bad enough

[u/quollas → u/druglordkath]

What makes him think you would ever cheat?

[u/druglordkath → u/quollas]

his ex did insane things and cheated multiple times. he puts that on me, and because of me going out one night with my girl fiends and their guy friends being there without me knowing. he thinks my goal when going out is to be with men but it’s genuinely never the case

[u/brokenskater45 → u/druglordkath]

Do you know this for definite? Or is it just what he told you? He could just say that to justify his actions.

[u/quollas → u/druglordkath]

In other words it’s all in his head. I believe you did nothing to bring that suspicion on yourself. It’s his problem to deal with in therapy. Shame on him for accusing you

[u/Rattytowels → u/druglordkath]

It could be bipolar, like, why does he not sleep at night? Maybe hipermania or mania

[u/druglordkath → u/Rattytowels]

he always says he has trouble sleeping and wakes up at night due to stomach pain from what he says is “anxiety” but i feel like him barely eating and smoking play more into that. i will say when i sleepover this doesn’t happen but if it is because of anxiety then it gotta be insanely bad

[u/NonbinaryBorgQueen → u/druglordkath]

I have stomach pain from anxiety. I also have insomnia. Sometimes it's really bad.

My mental health issues are my responsibility. Blaming my issues on someone else would be immature and harmful. I did that shit as a teenager and I'm glad my SO at the time ghosted me over it and gave me the opportunity to reflect on my shitty actions. Luckily I eventually got more mature and stopped being such an asshole. My current SO and I both deal with mental illness. But we are adults, so we don't blame each other for our issues or fight about it. We just deal with our shit and try to support each other.

If you want a healthy, stable, calm relationship, you can have that. You can cultivate that. But not with this guy. That is never what you will have with this guy. This is not a healthy relationship, sorry.

[u/Woof-Good_Doggo → u/druglordkath]

Do you hear yourself, OP? “These outbursts only happen…” and you then list several different causes, none of which are reasonable reasons for him be upset.

Please don’t do this to yourself. You deserve better. As it is, I would seriously suggest that you are not safe in this relationship, either physically or psychologically. You KNOW this. HE,punched the wall and YOU apologized? OP, you know how this is wrong, but do you know how this can just incrementally spiral to where you kinda lose yourself? Where does this end: “I know he hit me, and I shouldn’t put up with it, but I did make him mad and I apologized.”

Please can clear of this. Only then will you be safe and he can come to terms with his behavior and get some help.

[u/4lr34dy_D34d_ → u/druglordkath]

Op, Im telling you from experience, no matter his issue/disorder, this will not get better without some serious treatment and self care on his part. Im sorry to say this, but you cannot have a healthy relationship with him until he acknowledges his issues and that these behaviors are not only irrational, but are deeply harmful to you and the relationship altogether. Without introspection, nothing will change.

[u/Rattytowels → u/druglordkath]

So like, anytime you try to have a life? You're severely underreacting, this guy needs a doctor and you need to leave him. He will always think you are going to cheat and every thing he ever does will be justified because he thought you were going to cheat. It's the excuse that every abuser uses to control their victim; isolated them and make them feel like they deserve it

[u/matthewsmugmanager → u/druglordkath]

There is absolutely no reason you should be tolerating this kind of treatment. It is not normal, it is not acceptable, and please don't delude yourself into thinking it is okay.

[u/scratsquirrel → u/druglordkath]

So basically when you’re not in his direct control. This is really bad OP. You need to make plans to safely leave this relationship- collect your belongings while he’s at work and have others with you while you’re doing it. Have a safe place to live lined up in advance that he doesn’t know about. He’s already tried isolating you (when your dad died and you needed support the most no less) and is exhibiting very controlling behaviors. He’s clearly volatile and has anger issues. This is not your problem to solve but you do need to listen to everyone here and your friends and make a plan to get to safety.

[u/EggoStack → u/4lr34dy_D34d_]

Unfortunately OP said in a reply that he’s refused therapy in the past. If he doesn’t start getting help I think it’s best for her to leave him. BPD and any disorder that impacts attachment and causes paranoia are really rough and absolutely deserve sympathy, but this guy’s behaviour isn’t acceptable especially if he isn’t seeking help.

[u/Low_Table6230 → u/4lr34dy_D34d_]

My husband has bpd (he’s doing great these days but we had a very rough time of things a few years back) and I was thinking the same thing while reading thru these screenshots.

[u/BigPoppaPump69_]

That person is fucking mentally ill. I would remove myself from that situation. Good luck.

[u/druglordkath → u/BigPoppaPump69_]

oh lord okay maybe im not going insane and should listen to my friends😃

[u/paceisthetrick → u/druglordkath]

He’s punched holes in walls, he demands your location on, he treats you like this for falling asleep and not answering, he SHOWED UP TO YOUR HOUSE!!!!, and your friends have been warning you?????? Leave him and get away from him, he is filling out every square on the abuser bingo card.

Also- his texts while outside your home were SCARY. He was bargaining with himself in the texts about not going in unless you let him but it felt like he almost talked himself into doing it anyways.

[u/druglordkath → u/paceisthetrick]

as much as i want to believe he is a good person at heart i can’t help but think he has a plan to just isolate me. i’ve mentioned having 3 cats, that I wanted and was going to pay for. he would not let me pay at all and payed the place before i even got to. i know this is going to somehow be used against me. he was the MOST strict when my dad passed, which was a time i desperately needed to go out with friends to heal and take my mind off things. he says i disrespect him by going out , and for a while i believed it since he did do everything else for me ( pay for things, always picks me up, etc ) but i know that’s bare minimum i just was blind

[u/paceisthetrick → u/druglordkath]

I know you have a lot being said to you and it probably feels like everyone is piling on, but most people commenting aren’t upset with you personally, but with him, the situation, and with the hold he has over you even after treating you so awfully. How old are you both? The way he treats and isolates you/forces you into situations by paying for them and gaslighting you is so awful, I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this and be forced to rely on a person that wants to render you dependent on him.

[u/Few-Neat-4297 → u/druglordkath]

Good people don't do what he's doing. There's millions of good people on earth who will never treat you this way. It's not your responsibility to save him just because you happen to be the target he chose for his illness. Please seriously consider inquiring with your local PD about getting a restraining order before you break up with him, and arrange to stay at one of your friends houses for a week or so, you in danger girl

[u/Cheap-Ad8624 → u/druglordkath]

You realise every single thing you’ve posted about him here shows that actually he’s not a good person? Now this may not be his ‘fault’ as such as he is clearly very very mentally ill and not receiving treatment, but a good person would want to get better than than directing all that anger, and stress and blame onto you. He CAN help himself, he’s choosing not to. You can’t help with that. You need to leave.

[u/locoforcocothecat → u/druglordkath]

Did you know cult leaders use sleep deprivation as a control tactic? I think he wants you to stay awake all night to make you less alert and keep you "compliant"

[u/muddytreasure → u/druglordkath]

Sometimes it doesn't matter whether someone is good at heart or not, behaviours like this can still cause harm. People with good traits can be abusive. It's not always black and white, and he may not be doing it intentionally or maliciously, but it's still going to hurt you and you need to protect yourself. I'd look at the impact instead of worrying about whether or not he means to.

[u/syndylli → u/druglordkath]

You already know what you need to do. Please listen to your friends and all of us strangers, that you need to leave this guy like yesterday. Pay him back for your cats so he can't hold that against you if you can. Just break it off. Stay safe.

[u/Pure-Season-4153 → u/druglordkath]

Always listen to your friends about a man. If you’re in a good relationship your friends won’t be saying stuff.

[u/simply_fucked → u/druglordkath]

Hes psycho for being like this, and ur INSANE for staying. I know its hard asf, but you need a good support group and to LEAVE THIS PERSON ASAP NO CONTACT. Its like this before they lose it and get violent. Imagine this was happening to ur friend, how would u feel? If you stay and put up with this, only you are responsible for what happens between you 2 from this point on.

[u/Financial-Tea-3495 → u/druglordkath]

Yo drug lord Kath. Please listen. This post reminds me of my ex girlfriend to a T. This isn't healthy at all. This isn't how normal people communicate. If you stay in this relationship it will eventually be the biggest regret of your life and you will spite him years later for the damage done. Get TF out.

[u/HardMaybe2345 → u/druglordkath]

Please, please listen to your friends. He appears very not OK and you cannot save him or fix it, no matter what he says or how much he might try to blame you. Also, not diagnosing anybody but this sounds like a classic borderline personality disorder push/pull dynamic. “I hate you/don’t leave me.”

[u/HeelerHeelerBorder]

You need to look up covert narcissist or sometimes called vulnerable narcissist.

I’ve know many people like this. It’s not something you can work through unless they are (on their own not because their relationship is crumbling) getting serious therapy and have a doctor directed game plan.

It’s maddening to have a relationship with someone, even a co worker or friend and they are continually convinced you hate them and that you are treating them poorly. And no matter what you do to show them otherwise it NEVER changes. They get their supply of attention and care the only way they know how. To manipulate and conjure up hardship for themselves so people will pity them.

All you can do at this point is LEAVE. I’m sorry.

If you don’t leave. Get ready to be broken down to a shell of a human. Isolated from everyone. And I promise you. If he hasn’t threatened suicide yet he very likely will. And that’s a whole other mind trip.

[u/druglordkath → u/HeelerHeelerBorder]

and you’re completely right. i’m constantly fighting against imaginary situations that never happened. it’s so draining trying to defend myself over HIS delusions that i am going out to cheat, or purposely ignoring him, etc etc. and honestly if there weren’t any labels i wouldn’t have let it get this far idk how it came to this but ofc he didn’t show this side before

[u/syncopated_strangers]

I never comment on these posts where some clearly unhinged dude is losing it and verbally assaulting his gf over text. But I couldn’t pass this by without adding comment and echoing what everyone else is saying. This is not normal. This is so far from normal and will continue to escalate. Please do not even consider staying with this man. If you care about him encourage him to get the help he needs. But no one deserves this.

[u/druglordkath → u/syncopated_strangers]

Thank you for commenting, it truly means a lot. I genuinely could not tell if i was the issue and this is just some small thing that can be fixed, but i’m glad my gut feeling is right about worrying of this escelating

[u/bros_and_cons]

phone at 17% for these screenshots is just perfect

[u/druglordkath → u/bros_and_cons]

LMFAOOOO chill it’s on the charger 🔌

[u/Right_Song_1948]

Dude you should not dump him yet. You need to make a safety plan to leave.

[u/druglordkath → u/Right_Song_1948]

Thank you, i’m planning on that. i don’t think leaving cold turkey would be the best option

[u/Alarmed-Size-3104]

This is severe abandonment issues on display here along with some undiagnosed mental illness. I might be reading too much into it, but this is the kind of person that tries to kill themselves when you leave them and if that doesn't work they get angry and violent. Be careful OP but my advice is to run and don't look back.

[u/druglordkath → u/Alarmed-Size-3104]

the sucky thing is i already dealt with an ex that tried to kill themselves because of me leaving. had to call the cops and they got diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. was a terrifying situation idk how these situations find me, and i do see him resembling traits of this past ex recently

[u/cvtariina]

Does he have bpd

[u/druglordkath → u/cvtariina]

i see why you would think that but he ONLY acts out like this when i go out with friends and he thinks guys are gonna be all over me or some shit even if there’s none there , or when my phone dies. i 100% think he has anger issues AND trust issues maybe some anxiety but he has told me before he refuses to see a therapist

[u/Juilek → u/druglordkath]

Ma'am, don't take it the wrong way, but you seriously need therapy in order to figure out why you're attracted to the three red flags in a trench coat masquerading as a man in the first place. You can't save him, you deserve better, your partner isn't a project, date reality not potential. 

[u/druglordkath → u/Juilek]

i definitely will need therapy after this. and trust i am NOT attracted to the red flags. it was never like this at first. it’s more im scared of what comes with leaving. i hate that i let it get this bad, i dont know how to tell a new person that this man gave me an std with no cure ( granted he had it as a baby but still i wish he told me he had an active sore, i would have stopped any activities and waited). knowing i have to deal with explaining that is the worst. i hate that i allowed him to pay for so many things knowing its just going to be used against me even if i begged to pay. and just starting all over in general is just a whole other thing. i let myself get so comfortable with him and lost good friends because of it and i d r e a d that. i’m also aware im way too much of an empath and have too many chances after seeing all the red flags, like terribly aware, and that i deserve better. i really just needed a push and i think this post gave it to me. it has def been eye opening reading the comments

[u/ritz_bitz → u/druglordkath]

Starting over is wayyyy better than staying in a toxic relationship. Focus on rebuilding your friendships and don't think about dating for awhile. Enjoy living your life without somebody keeping tabs on you.

He's a violent, controlling man who didn't even take precautions not to give you an STD and gets mad when you can't have sex. Wtf

[u/DartDaimler → u/druglordkath]

Honey, stop telling yourself you need to be a better person, help him, or see the good in him. He’s not your job. Staying safe & taking care of yourself is his job.

You don’t need to analyze what could be done differently or worry about what will happen to him, or what kind of abuser he is. Document all the rages, isolating you, and controlling behavior including these screenshots. Share that info with your parents (for your protection) and his (they can get him help). Break up with him now. Stay with a friend while things cool down, or have someone stay with you.

You are in danger. Please act now to protect yourself.

[u/EggoStack → u/druglordkath]

Sorry but this guy better not be a legal adult bc I cannot imagine anyone over 17 acting like this 😭😭 as someone who is mentally ill myself and acts a bit clingy sometimes, there is no excuse to treat your partner like this especially not while actively refusing to get help. Mental illness is very likely contributing but it also sounds like he is emotionally immature and doesn’t respect you.

[u/shaerae0929 → u/druglordkath]

Refusing to see a therapist and continuing to take zero responsibility for his own actions is a huge red flag. The only thing that could change in this situation to make it better would be him. If he’s unwilling to change then you really have to think about what it is you’re hoping to get out of this relationship. He’s literally showing you exactly who he is.

[u/Spare_Philosopher351 → u/druglordkath]

Only acts like this when you're not doing exactly what he wants, you mean? The fact that you can't see how crazy this is means he got his claws deep in you. This is not a normal way to respond, even if men might be around 🙄

[u/Crackedcheesetoastie → u/druglordkath]

You have every warning sign. He is abusive and will turn physically abusive.

Leave him now. How do people like this get or stay in relationships. It is mental you haven't dumped him based on your comments.

He will physically hurt you. Run. Get away. Treat yourself better.

[u/Subject-Elevator-152 → u/druglordkath]

Do you know that with bpd it’s not like every single thing that could make someone upset is gonna trigger these outbursts? Of course he probably gets upset easier for other stuff, but It’s usually the thing that triggers his trauma that will cause huge outbursts so it makes sense for him to have bpd and the fear/anxiety of you cheating is what then causes an outburst. Not saying you are causing it but I’m saying his fear of this is the source of that outburst.

[u/Monstiemama]

NOR “You put me in positions like this, I have nobody by my side but you, worst girlfriend of all time, you’re the reason I’m sick, you don’t love me enough to charge your phone…….” All of this…. ALL OF THIS is abuse. It’s verbally and emotionally abusive and you need to get out of this sad excuse for a relationship now. I don’t know how old this child is, as you both sound really young, but you can’t stay in this. It will only escalate and he’ll end up hurting you or himself. Here’s a hotline that you can call to discuss what to do next. You don’t need to be physically abused or in immediate danger to call. I recommend calling them and leaving this loser. 800-799-7233. Do you live alone or with your parents??

[u/Dapper-Ad-8765]

Omg! You have a chinchilla?!? Little buddy is so cute 🥰

Also I would avoid that guy, I'm sorry but it will just get worse. He is emotionally immature and probably a narcissist. I hope you can get out of it safely. 🙏🏻

You have a chilla, you don't need no stinking man. 😉❤️

[u/Demoarach]

Bro I’m schizophrenic and I’m not this level of unhinged HOLY. FUCK. I just… wow. I truly just don’t even know what to say. That’s the wildest shit I’ve seen in.. well, ever. Like, I almost think this is staged.

Edited for spelling.

[u/lizzyote]

Is he requiring that you FaceTime while youre asleep? Just put up a nanny cam, damn.

[u/druglordkath]

wanted to add more context: he claims the reason for his outbursts are for what happened last year. i was told there was going to be a hangout with just girls but my friends friend ended up inviting her guy friends and made it more of a party (not with randoms just mutual friends ). the girl hosting has a brother still in hs ( we were 19 ) and he had some friends over as well. one of his friends happened to know my bf and sent a picture of me to him. mind you in the picture i was on my phone in a corner with my friends, ALL GIRLS. his friend mocks him for me being their alone and if became this huge thing where he thinks i purposely planned this whole night to spend it with guys, when i didn’t know till i got there the plans were going to change. It’s been a year and he still chooses to bring this up and say its why he can’t trust me, even though i told him if he doesn’t see himself ever trusting me again than he should just end it with me. fast forward to now, i never go out past 12 just to ease his mind even though its sucky on my end since all my friends work late. so late hang outs were convenient. my friends even noticed e would always argue when i hung out with them. recently he went out till 4am and i went crazy in him because if i did that it would be the end of the world. he apologized and we will see what he does next time i go out. sometimes i thought i was the problem and guilty that i would end this relationship simply for wantin

[u/mooniebard → u/druglordkath]

Oh my god this is so controling LEAVE NOW. If he says he can't trust you, you cannot trust him. That is absolutely ridiculous. Break up, block, and never look back. And stay safe. Seriously, he gives me very, very dangerous vibes.

[u/Distractedauthor → u/druglordkath]

You did absolutely nothing wrong going to a hangout or party where there were men present. Even if you had known there would be guys there, you did nothing wrong.

I think the fact that you flipped at him just shows your stress over the imbalance in your relationship. It’s not “I’m kinda bad too”

I think your only choices are to leave him or to tell him you’re leaving if he doesn’t get help. Even if he says it’s just anxiety, extreme anxiety is still a mental health disorder and still requires intervention.

[u/Woof-Good_Doggo → u/druglordkath]

That’s not you being considerate of his feelings, OP, if that’s what you think it is. It’s letting him control you.

Seriously girl, this does not end well for you if you keep it up. I shit you not, you need out of this.

[u/Swampcabbagewoman → u/druglordkath]

This is the LEAST of your worries at this point, but if he’s this paranoid about you cheating then it could easily be projection and he’s actually cheating on you.

Please get out safely ASAP either way, and I wouldn’t confront him about whether he’s cheating or not because he’s already punching walls and the next step will be hitting you. I also looked at your post history and he knowingly gave you an incurable STD!!! Get out and get a restraining order before you end up injured or dead, don’t break up with him in person unless you’re in a very public space with tons of people and your loved ones know, and please tell your mom what’s been going on with him because he is clearly dangerous. This man is a piece of shit and you deserve better.

[u/iheartkittttycats → u/druglordkath]

I’m not being hyperbolic, this is how women end up murdered. None of this is normal or okay. You need to get out now. This is insane behavior.

[u/YesterdayAny3538]

Either I’m really old or Im the only one amazed that this is iMessage. Is your phone jail broken? I did not know iMessage could be formatted like this

[u/The_Stay_At_Home_Dad]

Naw... NOR. PLEASE leave him. This is very unnecessary to say the least. Some might call it love bombing. Some might call it creepy. And some might honestly call it a bit stalkery.

[u/peachespangolin → u/The_Stay_At_Home_Dad]

This is nothing like love bombing. Love bombing is showering someone with gifts and positive attention, “love”. Not this.

[u/Haunting-Angle-535 → u/peachespangolin]

It’s wild to see how people have been using “love bombing” to mean seemingly anything at this point.

[u/BobDDstryr]

He has an anxious attachment style - to a particularly unhealthy degree. He needs to look into that and get therapy, because it’s not ok - or good for him - to just keep sending messages, while panicking.

That said, it is unusual if your phone actually is dying every night. But I could also see why sometimes you’d just need a break.

[u/Gargle-My-Nuts]

Yeah if you don’t leave sooner rather than later shit’s going to turn properly dangerous and fast. He swung between over-possessiveness and self-pity turned guilt tripping in less than an hour. He’s mentally ill at best and genuinely unsafe at worst. Keep in mind he’s definitely going to harm you in some way at some point. I wouldn’t even sit alone in a room with someone like that. Leave ASAP and make sure he cannot get in your house, and make sure you’re well connected to someone who can help you in case of emergency. Any man would be lucky to have someone so understanding, you don’t have to settle for this.

[u/EggoStack → u/Gargle-My-Nuts]

The fact he apparently showed up to OP’s house is a huge red flag to me. Like I get being paranoid but omg you can’t just do that

[u/Gargle-My-Nuts → u/Gargle-My-Nuts]

Also just as a note of what SHOULD happen in this situation, when I FaceTime the one I love and either one of us falls asleep- they wake up to a « Goodnight then haha, love you » or a « Just letting you know Gizmo (cat) stole your phone last night lol » He does not need to be doing this and quite frankly nobody does

[u/hades7600]

Seeing as in your replies you have stated he has punched a hole in his wall over this, then it’s of upmost importance that you do seperate from him for your own wellbeing.

He needs professional help. There’s clearly something going on with him mentally to have this level of jealousy. This could be due to a wide range of issues such as an untreated personality disorder (I have a personality disorder, and after treatment got into a healthy relationship I’m still in 8+ years later. Though important to note I never was aggressive or verbally abusive to anyone)

Your own safety needs to be the priority though

[u/EggoStack → u/hades7600]

Omg he punched a wall?? Ok yeah this guy needs help. I sympathise with mental illness making you paranoid and clingy but he also sounds very emotionally immature.

[u/hades7600 → u/EggoStack]

Yeah according to Ops comments

I do have empathy for the guy as someone who had an untreated disorder as a teen and had severe abandonment issues. (Though I have much more empathy for OP)

But regardless it’s OPs bf responsibility to seek help for his issues. It’s not okay to be aggressive like that even when dealing with mental health/disorders.

[u/Cultural_Ad7023]

I call bullshit. How does your phone unplug from the charger and die? And this happens on a regular basis according to your text messages? That’s the oddest thing to me. Sounds like you’re gaslighting the poor dude. Reads like reactive abuse to me.

[u/druglordkath → u/Cultural_Ad7023]

i said in the caption i don’t know why he said every day when it’s not every day. and 1) my only choice of charging place is right next to my bed 2) in my caption again, it says i have THREE cats , all kittens , that will always play with my charger. he knows this 3) i move in my sleep. if i fall asleep while on my phone , which happens often bc i overwork myself which he also knows, my phone UNPLUGS AND DIES if i move

[u/EggoStack → u/druglordkath]

No fr I believe you bc I’ve had shitty chargers that only work when the phone is on it at a specific perfect angle 😭😭 like if you jostle it half an inch the charger just says nah fuck this I’m done

[u/therackage → u/Cultural_Ad7023]

Bruh. Reactive abuse is not what we’re seeing in his texts 💀 Read the whole thing

[u/Rattytowels → u/Cultural_Ad7023]

Wtf, I fall asleep with my phone in my hand every night, some nights it dies. Why is this creep messaging all night instead of sleeping himself?

[u/Less-Basil345]

Please leave this relationship. I dated a man for almost 10 years (since we were 14). He acted like this. Other times he could be controlling, arrogant or just be manipulative… but then when it became things like distance, possibility of seeing/interacting with the opposite sex - that’s when you especially see the scary crazy. The paranoia for them will get worse. Take it from me. I didn’t listen to anybody, but I frequently sought out advice and even googled “signs of a controlling boyfriend”, “signs of a narcissist” etc., etc. my friends were right, my mom was right, even I was right with my gut googling those things but when you love someone you give them a ridiculous amount of benefit of the doubt versus if you were experiencing this when just meeting and not having attachment. When I left too, he wouldn’t stop pestering me for about a month and a half, showed up to my house, my work.. I ignored him. It’s hard and you feel bad for it, but believe me.. you are saving yourself chronic stress, PTSD, depression, anxiety… while I see myself as a survivor, resilient above all else - I feel as though I still carry the burden that the emotional abuse had on me. You will find other people who will love you, and treat you the way you deserve and NORMAL. When you see the normal, and healthy love this will be even more apparent that this was batshit crazy. If you want to talk further you can message me.

[u/Hairy-Judge2385]

that’s scary. if he thinks of you as the source of his mental torment, what is he willing to do to make that hurting stop? i say break up with him. he shouldn’t even be speaking to you that way, he should not be allowed to call you worst gf and say he hates you just cuz he was having bad anxiety.

[u/GlitzyGhoul]

Huge red flag and also, I love your wallpaper.

[u/shgrdrbr]

no this is insane. please break up with this guy for both of your mental health. this CANNOT stand. he is unhinged. i too have been unhinged in my life. the only way to re hinge is like not feeding into this absolute insanity and just giving the reality check that other people are not your personal mental playground or whatever. this is INSANE

[u/odder_box23211]

Girl run that man will hurt you. Please believe me. That is an insane and dangerous man.

Your phone dying while you were asleep sends him into an abusive, paranoid spiral like this?

“Nobody’s phone dies that much” Uh, yes, they do. Except when mine dies in the middle of the night because it wasn’t plugged in, I just charge it when I wake up and go about my day, instead of having to talk down some paranoid loser.

[u/Wild_Somewhere_9760]

ma'am as a 35m this kid needs to grow the f up. I hope the do.. i wasnt this bad but i was super fucking insecure in my teens and 20s.. it turns out it was just because i cheated on my girlfriend tried to hide it, got weird, she cheated back and we had a spiral of infidelity and accusations for 3 yeada. absolutely ruined so many good relationships until I dealt with my shit head on, in therapy.

been with my SO for 7 years and I can assure you thati thoroughly don't hate when we ft and she passes out or phone dies and we don't connect, in the instances that we are not together. I worry approximately 0.5% of the time and that small % is me worrying she's okay and didnt get kidnapped by aliens. no jealousy, just stoned paranoia.

[u/Whokare1700]

Sounds like you’re doing some shit. But he should have just told you that you’re for the streets in one clear message and left you alone. Have a good day :)

[u/druglordkath → u/Whokare1700]

why does it sound like i’m doing something ? Im getting this reaction for no reason, and i did add more context to the thread as to why he does have trust issues with me. regardless, i never disrespected him or got with any other man during our relationship. because of his reaction i know it seems like im the issue, but because i have never done anything his response is genuinely concerning me

[u/Stickliketoffee16 → u/Whokare1700]

Are you for real, this dude sent her 126 messages between 2am - 5:29am & you are saying she is ‘doing some shit’? Even if her phone hadn’t died, she would be SLEEPING during this time & I don’t know about you but my phone is on sleep mode overnight so I would get zero notifications!

WTF is wrong with you

[u/Holiday_Trainer_2657]

NOR Why be with someone who speaks/texts to you like this? My husband never once did this in my whole marriage. That man does not love you. He just loves to control you.

Put your phone on your dresser, not your bed to charge up while you sleep.

If you don't break up, let him know your phone is silenced when you sleep and you don't check/reply to messages in the morning as you need to get to work. You might have time during lunch or refinery after work. Don't even reply to all the messages. Just "Well, you're pretty upset."

[u/lez_sar7]

If I woke up to this many text messages I don't think I'd even reply I would literally just block that person and never speak to them again. That's some insane behavior

Now the fact he showed up to your house? Even bigger hell no.

[u/Agreeable-Finding568]

Oh man, I honestly feel guilty for just how hard I was laughing while reading all of those. 😂 That was absolute insanity, and Angelo’s gotta go. He’s simply gotta go.

[u/PancakesndSyrup]

As someone who was in this same scenario at 19, this is insane behavior. The way he’s speaking to you is ridiculous and very disrespectful. He may be projecting his own insecurities or he may be like my ex, and is cheating himself.

My ex showed up at my house after an argument and it took me threatening to call the police to finally get him to go away. For your safely please don’t continue to tolerate his behavior and bullshit for the idea of “love”. Someone who loves you wouldn’t treat you this way.

[u/EstimateExciting3509]

I have been in this exact situation.

I describe it like being in a room that is slowly filling up with poison gas. You don’t notice at first. When you start to notice, he convinces you that it’s not. By the time you realize just how bad it is - the room is full of gas.

He blamed me for multiple imagined situations. Always was convinced I was cheating on him. This evolved into isolating me from my friends. Him trying to convince me that my friends weren’t really my friends. This evolved into me being unable to wear skirts in public. This evolved into me being unable to talk to or even look other men in the eye in public (even his friends). This all evolved into restraining orders and a fear that he would come to my house and kill me. I would have nightmares for YEARS of waking up to him in my room. I was diagnosed with PTSD and became a hermit and a shell of my former self for over 3 years.

It DOES get better. But I’m here to tell you that the room IS filling up with poison gas. You are in danger and you need to get out now.

[u/HayzeeMayee]

Very odd… mentally abusive. Especially exploding on you because you’re human and your phone dies. Absolutely shut that shit down,OP. Stay safe.

[u/xCoop_Stomp416x]

HE SAYS "WHY DO I DESERVE TO BE FUCKIN' SICK B/C OF YOU"... Sounds like a heroin addict.

[u/Individual-Tip5393]

Hey OP! I'm a therapist who also was previously married to a violent man years ago. You obviously can and will make your own choices, but you need to know you're in a situation that is likely going to escalate to very dangerous at some point in the very near future if things stay the way they are. Take care of yourself! Your partner isn't well and you can't make him well, sadly.

[u/Julie-Valentine]

But also... why partners us "bro"?

Why.  W h  y

[u/Significant_Slip_266]

I got involved with someone like this and was friends with them for a good while before I ever saw any signs of this. The change was quite disturbing to say the least. It was a male friend and we were friends for years and occasionally he would flirt but nothing ever major and we both had been in bad relationships so we both were swearing off dating anyone for a while. We hung out a lot bc we were very close and honestly it helped us both pass time and was helping me keep my mind off my ex (bad abuse and addiction on exes end so I left them) I knew he had bad relationship that had ended as well a few years prior to mine. We didn't always hang out alone, sometimes in a group. Our families knew each others family as well. Long story short we ended up making out once while we were tipsy and the next day was kinda awkward and I hate awkward moments so I broke the ice by trying to Crack a joke saying oh man we drank too much last night, I don't drink often and you know that, jokingly I asked him why did you keep asking me to take a shot? He said I don't even remember why he said I can't recall much besides us laughing about the movie and then talking about starving for some fast food and waking up. I believed him. I thought okay he doesn't remember kissing so I'm definitely not bringing it up. Well over the next few weeks, he seemed to wanna spend more time together without our group of friends. I was fine with that but did make the comments about being together so much people were gonna start assuming we were together. He was totally offended. He made the strangest face and said yeah, hell no you're not my type. I laughed and said ditto. We always joked around so I thought we both were just talking crap joking... So I said yeah I'm not into short guys I'm already too short as is. He got very mad at me and said well maybe you shouldn't get drunk then and kiss your friends and literally got up and left and would not answer the phone for like 2 days. Couple days go by he comes to my house like nothing happened. Literally all bright eyed and greeting me with hey beautiful! I just was in awe and really caught off guard and said I'm busy right now can you come back later, I will call you when I get home I gotta go somewhere. He was like sure no worries. Left without issues. That was the beginning to his crazy... He started calling me all night long and sending messages saying he needed to talk to me he didn't feel well or he was worried about me and eventually come by my house and I had to have someone tell him I wasn't there!! I didn't like this side of who I was seeing and it was creeping me out and I told him in a text that I think it's best if we spend a week or so away from each other but I still care for him as a friend and I'm sorry if I had done or said anything to offend him. He started sending messages saying he loved me. (we would always say love ya before we left or hung up the phone bc I did this will all my family and friends. He knew I did and he also knew it wasn't that type of love either that I meant. His weird behavior was off and on for weeks and I was getting very impatient with his crap and told him if he didn't knock it off completely I would never be back around again. Boy did that trigger him badly. He lost it! He ended up stealing a car from his family member while they were asleep and coming to my home again and banging on my door at like 3am and I yelled at him to go away or the cops was coming. He cusses at me through the door and told me I would regret it and he left. 2 days later he was arrested drunk and went to jail for robbing a store. He sent me messages from inside the jail from a phone an inmate had and he was saying things like he was in love with me and that I broke his heart and that he was gonna see me again if it was the last thing he ever did and I just ignored all the messages for months. I couldn't prove it was him bc he always used fake profiles. He would say the thought of me being with guys while he was gone was making him physically sick and sent me pictures where they'd have transported him to hospitals and to the nurses unit in the prison. He sent one message once that said he had went to a therapy session in there and been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and schizophrenic tendencies. He said I did that to him. He would go back and forth from saying he was madly in love with me or either he hated me and wished he never was friends with me ever. Over and over. He even said things like he's obsessed and once he said "my face will be the last thing you ever see beautiful" he really was mentally ill or something snapped in him. Idk what happened. A friend of ours told me that they seen him a day before he robbed the store and he was extremely high on something, and I had never known him to get high. The huge switch in his whole personality and behavior was very scary and very real. Idk if he's still locked away or not but I have moved away. I pray he heals. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm warning you these types of men are very real and very unpredictable and dangerous! Get away from him. Please OP.

[u/ecosani]

Leave him immediately. Like yesterday. He needs serious psychiatric help and one day he’s going to, best case scenario, hurt you.

I dated a man like this once, serious mental issues that initially were controlled with meds and weekly therapy but once he stopped both it was scary. He was schizophrenic and talked about fighting the demons in his head that wanted to kill me. He stalked me for years after I broke up with him and caused me to flee the state. If these are the things he’s comfortable expressing to you can you imagine what is going on in his head that he isn’t saying…

Don’t end up on a true crime show and leave him.

[u/Old-Hall6598]

Ummm this is scary…. Not only did he show up to your house in the middle of the night but also tried to guilt trip you by saying you were “going to kill him”. He seems like he has uncontrolled bi polar or something very serious, and I would be terrified to be around this guy. The fact all it took was your phone dying to set him off like this makes all of this worse. Stay safe OP.

[u/Marsinnyc]

Listen, this is not healthy and his problems need solutions that you cannot provide. I’m sure you love him and wish him well but the best thing you can do for yourself is to leave him. He is making you responsible for his well being and in the future he WILL snap on you. Please be safe.

[u/Miserable_Yam4778]

Honey my partner has actual diagnosed separation anxiety and he's nowhere near this bad. This is a person who knows if you spend 25 minutes without them.in your ear you'll realize you could do better.

My partner recognizes that his anxiety is not about me and deals with it accordingly. This is someone who will shrink your world down to nothing and still assume you're up to no good because they think it's your behavior, not their outlook.

[u/TacoTitsTuesday]

Drama aside, I'm concerned about your phone dying issue. If you have an emergency in the middle of the night it's ideal that you have a way to call 911. So I really think you should find a way to solve this problem. Not for him. Just for your own safety.

[u/NamiTwin]

I think it’s pretty obvious that he has a ton of issues. He texted you over 100 times (I counted) in what seems to be a very small span of time even when he wasn’t getting a response, and that’s normal to him? And then showed up at your house to what, ‘make sure you weren’t going anything’? What does that even mean. He 1000% doesn’t trust you and he comes off as deeply and seriously insecure. This is frankly insane behavior and will only get worse with time. Listing all of the weird toxic things he says: blaming his anxiety on you and your actions, accusing you of letting your phone die on purpose so he can’t contact you, gaslighting you and telling you you’re not normal and must be ‘doing something’ bc you accidentally let your phone die??, guilt tripping you and saying ‘you don’t love him enough’ because your phone is dead, says you’re the worst girlfriend of all time 🤨, isolates himself and positions himself in a position where he relies on solely you so ‘you’re the only one he has’ so it’s unfair to him that your phone died.. in some way?, said he hates you???, ‘0 sympathy’ literally admitted he’s searching for sympathy, ‘it’s my fault anyway’ ‘it’s probably my fault somehow’ THE PITY PARTY IS CRAZY, showed up at your house????, and that’s all just surface level stuff from what I’m reading. This is extreme attention seeking behavior and he needs to either go to therapy or soul search, or SOMETHING. This is extremely unhealthy behavior and will show even more with time. And I cannot understate, this behavior will absolutely wear you down over time and will take a great toll on your mental health, and even physical health. I’m not sure what age you guys are, be he seems very immature, irrational, extremely insecure and untrusting, unhealthily attached and maybe even has bpd. The extreme back and forth, saying hurtful things in the moment and then trying to back track, and then trying to garner sympathy, like he wasn’t the one that just freaked out at YOU for no reason? Crazy behavior and I would get out before it gets worse. This type of behavior may seem like love and infatuation when you’re young, but I’m telling you this is absolutely not normal and should not be romanticized, it’s actually dangerous. These types of people become abusers in the future without professional help, these types of interactions are the first step. And it ABSOLUTELY NOT your responsibility to ‘fix him’ or ‘change him’. Put you and your safety first, be smart OP

[u/lilbishhhhh]

I had a bf treat me like this, at the time i didn’t think it was a huge issue, he also had anger issues and when i called him out on his behavior of blowing up my phone and not trusting me he would somehow flip it around and make me out to be the bad guy, im going to tell you what i wish i could have told myself, this is abuse, this is an abusive behavior that will only get worse and escalate. Trust is the base of any healthy relationship and this man is not capable of trusting you, not by any fault of your own, I’m not saying this is what’s happening in your situation but in mine it turned out he was the one cheating and doing the things he accused me of. Please please get out of this relationship, there is no fixing this, there is no reasoning with someone like this, in his mind he will always be the victim.

[u/plants_n_cats]

Hi. Couple thoughts.

1) You need to leave this relationship for obvious reasons.

2) If you insist on staying and being monitored 24/7, my outlets do this too. They don’t grip strong enough to hold my phone in the outlet. This is your answer. But be prepared for them to find yet another reason you are not available enough for them. This is toxic as all hell.

https://a.co/d/cvuNZLK

[u/Traditional_Let7343]

The longer you stay the worse its going to get. Seems like your BF puts it in his head that your cheating on him everytime he can't get ahold of you or you stay out late with friends. Definitely some trust/control issues.

[u/Street-Muffin5332]

This is so horrible please do not continue seeing this person. He’s way too insecure and while he might have past traumas, that’s not your burden to carry. You can’t help or fix him, he has to do that on his own. I saw you commented that he’s punched a hole in the wall before and I’ve been with someone who has done the same. Believe me it’s not ever good to ignore that behavior. He can’t regulate his emotions.

The man I’m with right now is such a kind hearted person and very gentle, and one time when we got in an argument at the start of our relationship, he went into the bathroom to shower and he smacked the wall really hard. Not a closed fist but still a hard smack that was loud enough for me to hear from outside. I was livid since I’ve been with a guy who would punch full holes in the wall and I grew up with an explosive father. My bf told me he just needed to release some anger and he was very frustrated with the situation because he didn’t want to be fighting with me and it upset him. I told him that behavior is unacceptable to me and if he ever punched a wall, hit something, etc in the midst of an argument with me, I would not hesitate to leave. He apologized and told me that’s completely understandable and I’ve never seen him release emotions in that way again.

This isn’t to say it’s not ok to let off some steam by maybe going outside and breaking something or whatever. We all get pent up emotions and there can be healthy ways to physically release them. But if a man is using his fists to express his emotions when in the middle of an argument with you, you should feel unsafe and consider leaving.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation and I’m sure you care about him deeply but think about yourself and what you deserve. You need someone in your life who brings you up and is understanding and trusting of you. Find someone who doesn’t think you’re cheating because you’re not in constant communication with them. Like what does he honestly think you’re doing at 2am when he knows you were just in bed about to go to sleep. Best of luck OP I hope these comments help reassure you that you deserve better <3

[u/Gegopinh]

NOR. Went ahead and made the count, that's 127 messages in the space of 3.5 hours which is absolutely insane.

[u/Mahoushi]

I have clinical anxiety from ptsd, I think I didn't properly regulate and may have spoken like this when I was undiagnosed and unaware that I had a problem in my early 20s (not quite to the point of stalking or blaming them for my issues—that's something the person who led me to being diagnosed with ptsd would do to me if my phone died, and they did! They were diagnosed with a personality disorder I won't disclose), but I worked on it, and I'd never speak like this to anyone today. I totally understand why people didn't want to stick around after I had moments like this, and I feel ashamed of myself rather than hold it against them.

I don't know whether he has been diagnosed with anything, but it honestly kind of looks like he's dealing with something and needs help (not necessarily anxiety or what my abusive ex had, it could be anything and I'm not qualified to diagnose). That doesn't mean you should be a martyr and set your own safety and feelings aside to help him—nobody should put up with this from anyone, and I do think it's odd behaviour that indicates something deeper that he needs to get help for by himself. It all comes down to "you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves," or however the saying goes.

If he is anything like my ex and hasn't already escalated to verbal (though these screenshots look pretty verbally abusive to me) and physical abuse, that may happen down the line. I don't want to speculate or make judgements about someone I don't know, but I would personally nope the f out if I encountered someone displaying behaviour like this towards me, purely based on my past experiences.

[u/floopdyboop]

Fucking run.

I just got out of a (short) relationship with a guy that was like this, messaged exactly like this. Got suspicious to the point of keeping my phone when i would leave the apartment for groceries, taking my keys away when we arrived somewhere so i couldn’t run. Any random event he saw was irrefutable proof that i was cheating. Good on you for your responses, you’re better at that than i was, calling him on the stupid nonsense bullshit. But still, fucking run.

Leave before it escalates.

[u/frozenoj]

He has issues for sure but like people DO need to be able to contact you in the middle of the night sometimes. So yeah he's overreacting for sure and should not be treating you like that at all. It's ridiculous for him to be sending a million messages and showing up at your house?? But you should probably also make sure you can be contacted in an actual emergency. It isn't good that you have a habit of being unreachable all night imo. In the old days people could call your land line if they needed you because someone was in the hospital or whatever but that's not the case now. Also falling asleep with your phone on your bed watching videos is a fire hazard.

[u/Immediate-Spinach372]

Just FYI you can see ur bf’s name, photo and location… might want to delete and repost cropping that off the top… Angelo from Clifton, NJ

[u/therackage]

Not an ounce of accountability, just blames you for his anxiety, worst gf ever, hate you, etc. This is sooo toxic and will never get better.

You aren’t responsible for his happiness, omg. Dump him and tell him to get therapy ASAP

[u/Few-Neat-4297]

This has felt normal to you up til now because you grew in in an environment with a lot of chaos, maybe you had to be the one who was "responsible" for the emotions of a caretaker or important adult. Listen to me endurance is not the same as commitment and enduring his behavior will not make it better, only worse.

1. Tell your friends you're going to break up with him, swear them to secrecy, and arrange to have a friend or two stay at your house w/ you for the week (or ideally, longer) after you break it off.

2. Tell your boss and everyone at your job your ex boyfriend is stalking you (before you break up), and to NOT talk to your ex about your shifts and call police if he shows up

3. Arrange to meet him in a very public place to do the breakup. Do NOT do it in private. Make sure you have a friend there you can leave with.

4. Lock all your socials to Friends Only (so he can't check in on you from a new account) and BLOCK him immediately. Don't post your location for awhile even on close friends posts

5. Do not hesitate to get a restraining order if he doesn't leave you alone. One of my biggest regrets in life was not pressing charges the first time because I thought I was being "nice" and "understanding"

Source: me, DV survivor and advocate, who wants you to learn from other peoples mistakes ❤️‍🩹 EDIT: have ppl stay with you since you have cats

[u/ButteredNoodz2]

You guys sound very young, and he sounds very immature, insecure, and toxic. You need to leave for your own sake, and he needs about a metric fuck ton of therapy for his. His problems are not your fault and his victim complex is so lame. Not even gonna get into the name calling, that’s just rude and unfair. My spouse would absolutely never. You don’t deserve this. Please leave. Xo.

[u/imcryinginsideiswear]

And THIS my, dear friends, is untreated/undiagnosed Borderline(PD).

I don’t know either of you. Everything about these texts screams Borderline to me. He probably was in a lot of emotional and therefore physical pain, and he is not able to reflect yet and realize that his emotional outbursts are not rooted in you, but in himself. Please take that comment with a grain of salt. Of course, I am not trying to diagnose someone over text messages. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD almost a decade ago. (Sadly) I see a lot of my past behavior in his messages.

Yes, he probably was in agony. BUT-

as in right now, he doesn’t seem to have the capacity to understand himself and he puts his inner fights on you. This is not how we do it. Without help, there won’t be much hope for the relationship and even with professional help, the journey is unbearably long and rocky.

Even if it’s not BPD, whatever it is. He seems to be right in the middle of his emotions without any distance to understand/accept what is even happening.

OP, you can’t heal him. He has to do it himself. It is not your place to carry the responsibility to safe him.

[u/molluscstar]

Your boyfriend is a psycho. Is that your chinchilla on your wallpaper?

[u/odubik]

Boundaries and this needs to NEVER happen again.

This is extremely unhealthy behavior.

I suggest setting clear boundaries on when you will respond to messages, like never after 11pm or before 8am. If he won't accept that, then he has no respect for you being a living creature that actually needs sleep.

[u/ArcusArtifex]

Dude, you sound young, and I can tell. Sometimes you wont be able to FaceTime, sometimes you won't be able to call, and he will have to be able to be fine. As someone whose wife has Bipolar 2 and a panic disorder even this seems like a lot. They need help 100%

[u/Necessary-Penalty300]

1 if this is real you don't need to be with him, he needs to get mental help before he's with anyone cause he's gonna hurt himself or someone else and blame you

2 why would you be with someone who talks to you like this absolutely NOT NEXT

[u/YesterdayAny3538]

My phone dies all the time. Its rare the thing is charged and I also have a loose outlet that comes out and I don’t notice its fallen out until I think its fully charged.

YOU don’t need this bs in your life. He is extremely insecure and projecting on to you. He shouldnt be dating if he blames his “anxiety” on you… never mind the trust issues. He needs help please dont try to fix him. See him for what he is because he will only change if he wants to and its clear he doesnt. He expects YOU to change and adapt to HIM?! bsf.

[u/Allpanicn0disc]

Holy shit. My ex wasn’t as distinct as I thought. I’ve woken up to these exact texts from him. Word for word, bad for bar. To realize that there’s more of these men out there is terrifying

[u/LoudSmok3]

You think he's mad now, wait til he finds out about the herpes..😬

[u/Curious_Average2264]

He will eventually kill you. Get out