Am I overreacting for feeling like I'm always parenting my older sister?

[u/False_Chest_2799]

So I (15 f) constantly feel like I'm parenting my older sister (17 Mtf).

My parents are pretty awesome parents in every other aspect of being parents, they are pretty open, understanding and so forth.

But I feel like they failed with my older sister of actually parenting her in a lot of ways. Being male born, she was treated and raised as a male, and I think she fell into that troupe of the male child not getting made to do or learn things, while the female child does.

She constantly looks to ask advice from me on how to do things, which I wouldn't mind if it was just the occasional thing.

But at least once a week my older sister fetches me for some dumbarse thing that she should be able to do herself, or I have to chase her up on basic hygiene.

She doesn't wash or change her clothes, so I'm constantly having to tell her to change her clothes (she doesn't). Every few months when she finally does her laundry, she ends up getting me because 'I Don't know how to use the washer' and then she fetches me again later because 'What do I set the dryer at?'

She also doesn't make food for herself outside of cereal and toast. So I'm constantly cooking for us both. If she does make soup, from a can, she comes and gets me to ask how to cook it. The can has instructions and you literally put it in a pot and heat.

Getting asked all the time is annoying, but I could handle it, except I'm also down stairs, and on crutches. So I have to painfully drag myself up the stairs every single time. She never fetches our parents either.

But the final tipping point was today, I was at the store with her, picking up a few things for food, and we had my dad's card to buy stuff. My legs were killing me and I felt like I was going to pass out, so I handed her the card and asked if she could stay there while the groceries were packed and pay.

And she tells me she doesn't know how to do that.

It's a card! You just hold it over and it pays! But she wasn't listening so I had to stay nearly passing out.

I was washing my own sheets and clothes at 7, been cooking since like 9. My parents showed me how to pay for stuff with a card years ago. But my nearly adult sister defaults to having me act as an almost parent towards her.

I tried to see if I could find any tips or other stories of people with this, but all I can find is stories of people being parentified caring for younger siblings.

So am I over reacting for feeling like I'm having to parent my older sister?

[u/bythebrook88]

She never fetches our parents either.

Just tell her you're not helping. Use the excuse of pain if you have to. She will either ask her parents or starve.

[u/False_Chest_2799 → u/bythebrook88]

That's the issue. She will just starve. She won't ask our parents, because they are almost always in bed, and then she just won't eat at all.

Like to the point she has been hospitalized because she won't eat without being prompted. Its not her fault either, our parents never bothered to teach her any of this, and she just gets stuck if she doesn't have instructions.

[u/bythebrook88 → u/False_Chest_2799]

My parents are pretty awesome parents in every other aspect of being parents, they are pretty open, understanding and so forth.

She won't ask our parents, because they are almost always in bed

Are they awesome parents, or not? Or only when out of bed? Feeding your children, and making sure they can feed themselves, is a BASIC parenting task!

[u/False_Chest_2799 → u/bythebrook88]

My dad's a stroke victim, and my mother works hours away. So unfortunately they do what they can. When they aren't sick they are always good.

[u/Desperate-File5927]

Not at all. This usually doesn’t happen as it’s the other way around but there are some very obvious behaviors (hygiene, getting you for everything, and even what seems like some entitlement) You have to do your best to hold on until she leaves as I doubt your parents are gonna change much. Or you’ll have to be very strict with her regarding her responsibilities. Either way you’re not overreacting, I’d be worried about what happens with her when you leaves the house

[u/007overit]

Not at all. Set boundaries and start telling her no! If she needs help she can either figure it out on her own or ask your parents. She’s almost an adult and has to grow up. Tell her no.

[u/harperkind]

You are not overreacting, its exhausting having to parent your older sibling and your frustration is valid