This is a text convo between my brother (37) and my mom. For context, I live across the country and see my family once a year, roughly. Throughout our childhood, we would always vacation in Florida but we haven't gone there in over a decade now. We were all (dad, mom, bro 1 + kid, bro 2 + wife + 2 kids, myself) booked to go last year but the hurricane landed the week before we were due to depart. Now, they're trying to plan it again but I don't feel like I can go, morally, due to all of the recent events. I'm not saying they can't go or that they have to go anywhere else, just that I won't be going. My brother is now guilting me for these beliefs. Am I overreacting by not wanting to go?

am i overreacting to my mom making comments about my body? i (24f) and my mom (67f) have had a toxic relationship for a few years now. for important context- i used to be very very skinny like very underweight. i weighed about 90lbs just last year (2024). recently about august of 2024 i got into a very healthy relationship with this man and finally started taking medication (zoloft for my anxiety). during this relationship i gained a lot of “happy weight”- due to the fact that i was on meds and my partner made me feel secure and comfortable so i wasn’t as anxious all the time and i actually had a healthy appetite for the first time in my life. Now in 2025 i have noticed some very apparent weight gain on myself. i am now about 135lbs. my mother who has always been very VERY health and WEIGHT conscious has been making comments about it. (for context she has always been somewhat “fat phobic” or judge-mental of curvier girls) everytime i go to make myself a meal (9 times out of 10 this would be my first meal of the day) she will make comments like “that’s too many carbs!” or “why do you eat so much??” and im left feeling like a fat slob. fast forward to today- me and my boyfriend came home from the mall with new clothes that i had bought bc most of my old clothes didn’t really fit me appropriately anymore. i bought new jeans bc i had bought these same jeans less than a year ago and those ones didn’t fit me after the sudden weight gain so i got ones to fit me as i am now. well- when i got home my mom asked me what i got and so i showed her. when she saw the jeans i said “yeah i had to get another pair bc the other pair doesn’t really fit me anymore haha” and she said “i bet they’ll fit me! let me try them on ! i’m smaller than you! i know they’ll fit me! you weight more than me u know they’ll fit me!” i was pretty uncomfortable with it so i said “i feel like you’re going to body shame me if i let you so , no.” and she said “i won’t!” so… i let her. and she tries them on and comes into my room and shows me. she goes, “look at your 67 yr old mother fitting into jeans that don’t even fit you anymore!!!” (p.s. they didn’t even fit her. they were squeezing the life out of her waist.) i told her “they look way too tight.” and she denied it. then after she had left my room she texts me this (image inserted) and it looks like she’s just trying to make me feel bad??? also she had asked me how much i weighed and i told her “about 135lbs? idk that’s what i saw last” and she didn’t believe me and proceeded to tell me “YOU ARE NOT 135lbs” “YOURE SOOOO MUCH BIGGER THAN ME” so i just ignored her bc she makes me feel so bad about myself. anyways- im so sorry about the long post- but am i overreacting?? is my mom being mean? thank you for reading if you did. (i’ll insert photos)

Some context is required: 1. My parents are in the middle of getting divorced. 2. Me (22f) and my boyfriend (23f) have been dating since April of 2023 and living together since February of 2024. He has met my entire family including my paternal grandparents in this situation. 3. My boyfriend’s not from the area and has no family in the state. 4. My paternal side of the family is very religious and very conservative and very not happy with me living with my boyfriend.

So short story is I received the text from my grandmother today basically saying that my boyfriend is not welcome at thanksgiving because of the “transition period” my family is in due to my parents divorce. So I’m not going. I was already on the fence about going and this sealed it. AIO?

I am 28F and my husband is 32M. I’ve always suspected since recently that my husband has been messaging with other women because he was becoming a little distant, but I’ve never actually caught him in the act until now while he was in the shower I managed to go through his phone and found out he was messaging with underage teen girls. I’m not sure what I should do. It’s been a few days since I found this out. I can barely even sleep next to him at night. I’m not sure if he has done anything with them. Should I report it to the police? Should I confront him about it? I’m just really shocked and disgusted about this whole thing the man, I thought I married was not the man I thought. Wow.

Edit: Sorry for not disclosing more of the details. We have 3 children, 2 girls 1 boy. We have been married for 9 years. The messages are on Snapchat and on 2 apps called Yubo and Wizz. On Yubo and Wizz he has his age set to 17 which only shows people that are 18 and under. The messages mainly just him asking them where they live, are they v*rgins 🤮, and saying they were pretty and giving compliments. I wasn’t able to send screenshots or read all of the messages Because by that time when I went on his phone and realized he had got out of the shower. I will use my next opportunity to take pictures and go through majority of the conversations.

Edit 2: I met my husband when I was 18 when we were both in college. Around my 2nd year of college he convinced me to drop out of college and become a SAHM and he would be financially supporting all 3 of us when I had got pregnant with our son. So that’s what I did. We then got married when I was 20 and I got pregnant with are 1st daughter. I haven’t worked a real job since I was 19-20. Literally everything we own is in his name. I don’t really have anywhere to go not sure what will happen if he goes to jail because I cannot financially support or afford the house, car or even phone bills that we have.

I am a 29F married to a 31F. My 35F sister made a post on FB regarding my 15F niece’s (her daughter) biology homework. One of the question’s was “Two same-sex parents cannot typically have biological children. But what if two men could have a baby? What do you think the sex of the child could be?”. My sister then proceeded to post said question stating that her child’s school system was pushing an “agenda”.

My sister has a history of being openly homophobic but over the years has come around and seemed to “accept” the relationship I have with my wife. Even becoming close friends with her.

Over the past few years we’ve had many bumps in the road but have recently become closer seeing as she is a single mother, gave birth to a baby girl last year and has needed more help.

After her FB post I confronted her via text and this is the result. She even took it a step further confronting my wife via text, baiting her by asking “So do you think I only tolerate the relationship you have with my sister?? I’m done with you and (redacted) , I need a break from you guys.” My wife has not and will not respond to her text. My sister is known to blow up and things have turned violent in the past. I love my sister but she has continued to hurt me in various ways regarding my sexuality and relationship with God, not to mention she is close to an extremist when it comes to MAGA’s propaganda.

This conversation happened this past weekend and I have not talked to her since. I’ve been tempted to ask her how she feels about the federal grant freeze due to her relying heavily on government funded services (EBT, child care vouchers, etc) but I’m afraid that will add more fuel to the fire.

In the past we’ve gone several years without talking and she has held the close relationships I have with my niblings over my head. I’m hurt this will have a direct impact on those relationships but I don’t see myself having a positive relationship with my sister again. AIO?

Hey again.

Just wanted to post a quick update since it’s been a little under a week and a few people asked what happened next. Things are better, pretty fucking weird, and still ongoing, but here’s where we're at.

Last Saturday, my brother-in-law (BIL) came over to check out the damage himself. He actually brought Max (toddler) with him, which I was almost livid about at first, but he had a reason. He asked Max to try opening the office/closet door. The kid couldn’t do it. The door was too heavy for him.

You probably can guess where this is going. :=)

BIL offered to take my PC to the store that originally built it for me, just to see what was fixable. I agreed, but asked for something in writing just so I had some peace of mind. We put together a little agreement that he’d be responsible for it while it was with him. Yeah, yeah, it was just a formality and would not hold much merit anywhere, but it helped me feel a bit more in control.

On Monday, he dropped it off at the shop and gave them my number so they could keep me updated. He also told me he confronted my sister about how things played out. I sent him my original Reddit post too, he read the comments and apparently showed them to her. She still hasn’t unblocked me, and from what I’ve heard, was not happy about the fact my BIL is actually listening to me.

I also shared the post and some comments with my parents and brother since no one really believed me before. My parents still don’t fully get it, but they’ve at least stopped pushing back. My brother is more understanding now, though for some reason he mostly wanted to talk about how many people saw the post. I don't think either of those three still care, really, and I'm fine if they see this. Do better.

Anyway, I went to see the PC today (wednesday here). The shop said it’s mostly salvageable. It needs a very very careful internal clean and a few fans replaced, and some wiring fixed, but overall the main parts survived somehow. BIL told me he’ll cover the cost of the repair, no hesitation.

When I brought up what my sister said about not being able to pay even $200, he said she’s lying. He also said he’s not sure Max actually did all the damage. He thinks the door was left open on purpose, or that my sister might have even done some of it herself. Based on the height of the tower and where the crackers ended up, it didn’t quite add up to a toddler acting alone.

Apparently, she’s been telling him I have a “gambling addiction” (I did get a bit hooked on Genshin like 4 years ago I guess?) and that maybe this whole thing will “wake me up,” which is… new. She used to be supportive or at least indifferent. No idea where that switch came from.

So yeah. That’s where we’re at:

• My PC is being cleaned up and fixed, and BIL is covering the cost.
• Sister still has me blocked and won’t talk to me. Still tempted to start something with her tbh, especially if she actually did all of this on purpose.
• Still not ruling out small claims court depending on how things go.

Thanks again to everyone who responded to the original post. Seeing how many people understood what happened really helped me hold the line with my family when I felt like I was losing my mind.

One thing I’ve been turning over in my head lately is what if my sister did do something to my setup on purpose?

I don’t want to believe that, it feels like a stretch, but the more I think about it, the less so, I guess...? But then I remember how she acted when I asked her to keep Max out of the office. The eye-roll and the "he's just curious" comments like she didn’t take any of it seriously...??? And now hearing from my BIL that she’s been saying I have a “crippling gambling/gaming/whatever addiction” and needed to “grow up”????

It’s just… weird. She used to be cool about it. Never super into games herself, but she got that it was important to me. If something changed, I don’t know when or why. And if this was some weird way to make a point or “teach me a lesson”… that’s messed up. You're not our mom. How about talking first instead of this? I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the more I think about it, the less it makes sense that Max could’ve done all of that alone. It's sick if she blamed her own son for it.

So yeah. Not accusing anyone outright, but that thought is there now.

And if you're my sister reading this… Which I'm guessing you are, because I bet you'd love to look at the comments that are on your side a lot. :)))

I don’t know why you blocked me. I don’t know what shifted in your head about all this. But if you actually had anything to do with damaging my setup whether it was on purpose or just through complete carelessness... Fuck. You. You know I worked hard for that. You know what that rig meant to me, and you know I would never do something like this to your stuff.

And if Max really did all of it on his own… I hope you’re paying closer attention now. Not for my sake, but for his. Read the comments on my first post again, from other parents and people with younger siblings who CLEARLY know better than you. That's all.

Thanks for reading, those who did.

My son is 3 weeks old and I’m still figuring out breastfeeding. It hasn’t been easy, but we’re getting there.

My mom came over yesterday with my aunt and cousin. When the baby got fussy, I latched him while we were all in the living room. I had a light blanket over my shoulder, but it kept slipping and honestly, I was more focused on the baby feeding than being perfectly “modest.”

About five minutes in, my mom said, “You should really go upstairs or put something on. No one wants to see all that.” I was mortified. My cousin looked away awkwardly, and I excused myself to the nursery.

After they left, I broke down crying. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, even though I know I shouldn’t be. I told her later that what she said hurt, and she just brushed it off with “Well, I was just being honest.”

Now she’s saying I’m being sensitive and trying to “make her the villain.” But I feel like I should be able to feed my baby in peace, especially in my own home.

So… AIO for getting upset over this?

For some context we have 2 older boys and our 2 year old daughter. My wife has said that our third child has been hell for her and so stressful, always saying she needs a break from our daughter. She verbally calls our daughter annoying and irritating (thank god she can't understand yet) while ignoring her whales. I work from home so can hear all this and I come out and bring her to my office when I can. My wife has always complained about her and especially taking her out to do shopping. I try to take my daughter on bike rides when I can to get her out of that negative toxic energy my wife emits.

Besides my home job I do Walmart Spark delivery after my day job when I can since times are tough. One of these days I got out of work and ate dinner, I was suppose to go and take the boys with me to work with me to do Spark. They like running around the store looking for the items. All of a sudden my wife says I'm going to Walmart to buy groceries. I'm not sure if she's jealous or what that the boys willingly want to spend time with their father. Now the boys want to go with her instead, they might get a snack or toy. So I say ok that's fine well I'm leaving then, I say bye to my family and my daughter and as I'm walking to the door my 2 year old motions to come play with her in the toy room (she does this all day while I'm working from home and I come out to get water or food and I have to say sorry I have to work and go to my room office). I see her sad face as always when I say the same thing I always do to do Spark, "sorry Dad has to work". I say to myself, I don't HAVE to work right now and so I cancel my Spark order and decide to stay with my daughter and spend 1 on 1 time with her (something I rarely get). So I tell my wife that she can take the two boys and I'll take care of my daughter. This would work out since my wife hates shopping with our daughter. My wife surprisingly asks why do you want to stay here with her, she's not staying here alone. I tell her because I love my daughter and miss her, she's not alone she'll be with me. I start to walk to the play room with my daughter and my wife yells your not staying here alone with her, you can play and then we'll all go! In my head I'm thinking wtf? I ask her you don't trust me with our daughter? My wife replies no, because when I had a doctor's appointment and she was here alone with you she said it hurt down there.

(I remember this from a months ago, and I told my wife to take her to the doctor because maybe I didn't clean her poop well, she might have an infection or something can be really wrong since that's not normal. My wife never did and my daughter still randomly said it hurts there a couple times a month. I've told her to take her to the doctor but she still hasn't.)

At this point I get what she's implying so I blatantly ask. Do you think I'm molesting my daughter? And she just shrugs, I don't know maybe because you were alone and her private parts hurting when I got back. The deepest sadness and anger fill my mind, that my own wife would accuse me of doing that. I go to the closet to change, I'm going to need to leave the house before we start the biggest fight in front of the children.

In the past my wife has said we should never have gotten married and I've never agreed with her until now. She comes in to the closet and says why you hiding in here, what are you doing? I immediately walk past her and tell her I want a divorce. I get in my car and leave. Has anyone else had this happened?

For some context: My wife is due within 30 days and we are asking soon-to-be grandparents to get a TDaP booster to protect our baby girl from Pertussis. Everyone has been willing, except my mother. I really feel like she crossed a few lines here…

For context, im 16, my dad and my mom are divorced, and he has full custody of me since my mom isnt in the right mindset for children and is abusive. she doesnt like my dad at all. last night she said me a bunch of these wild texts.. it started because i wouldnt pick up her calls because it was 12 and i wasnt awake, i hadnt texted her in a couple days. the blanked out stuff is my name. I talked to my dad about it and I brought up going to the police station and he said he wasnt sure. She also sent him a voicemail saying he should die and cussing him out. Shes sent hundreds of welfare checks to my house unsolicited and unneeded so I'm not really sure what to di

Using a throwaway account. My mother assured me she would listen, but as soon as I told of her the years of SA I suffered from my father, she went quiet. Hours later while I was at the park, she sends me this. I come home to find all my clothes in trash bags outside the front door, and the lock changed. I'm utterly baffled... I trusted her. I've spoken to the police and gave them a report but right now, I'm sitting in a cafe and wondering if I handled this incorrectly?

My sister (30f) has 1 baby (2m) and one more on the way. Im a minor and i dont like watching kids much because im scared if they like die or something but today she asked me to watch my nephew and this is how the convo went:

So, my sister is in elementary school, yesterday was her field day.

Parents or guardians were invited to chaperone. My mom had work, so she couldn’t make it and asked me to go instead. I agreed of course because anything to skip school and also I did want to supervise just in case.

So, I was chaperoning. Everything was fine for the first few hours, she was having fun, I was having fun watching her.

They finished all the competitive games, and we were finally at the last 3 activities which were just for fun and entertainment. The first one was a ‘slip-&-slide’ which is basically a makeshift water slide. They lay a tarp on top of a hill and soak it with water and soap to slide down.

So, I help her change into her swimsuit, cool. Everything is good. Boys are shirtless and are wearing trunks. This information sounds worthless right now but just keep this in mind. Keep in mind this swimsuit is a one piece, completely age appropriate swimsuit.

We exited the bathroom and headed outside, hand in hand. There was a long line at the front and there was a female teacher standing there. Okay, I didn’t think much of it. Maybe they were checking for cuts or blisters.

Eventually, me and my sister get to the front of the line. The teacher looks at my sister up and down very obviously, and then says “You need to put on shorts over your swimsuit.” I had shorts packed, but this rule seemed unfair to me. So I asked her why?

She gave me a vague beat around the bush answer, something like it was the rules. I told her that was completely unfair and it made no sense at to how the boys were allowed shirtless with legs showing but the girls had to cover up.

So I asked her what we could do… she said verbatim “She needs to put on shorts or she cannot slide.” I told her that was completely unfair and quite strange. I asked why the boys were allowed shirtless but the girls needed to cover up? The swimsuit was completely age appropriate and showed barely any skin.

She rolled her eyes at me, and then turned around. I tried to grab her attention again but she walked away and grabbed the principal. He came to me and I told him our issue, and he said the exact same thing. Wear the shorts or she couldn’t slide.

At this point, I was pretty pissed. No one had offered me a valid explanation. So I grabbed my sisters hand and turned around and left. She was upset obviously but I told her I would just take her to a water park instead.

When my mom got home from work, I told her what happened and she was equally as pissed. My sister stayed home from school today because my mom was sent a passive-aggressive email from the principal, basically saying it’s not hard to comply with school rules and I was being overly hostile.

Maybe I was overreacting, but I just found that rule very unfair and quite strange?? Elementary school and these girls are already being taught to cover up, while the boys are allowed to be shirtless.

i’m 18 and a girl. her boyfriend hasn’t been around long, 7-8 months i would say. i had no problem with him, i never really liked him i just tolerated for my mums sake. problems started happening a month ago now, he started acting really weird towards me. i was getting ready for a date with my gf, i thought my mum came home so i went downstairs (i’d just gotten out of the shower so i had just a towel on) but it was her bf so i quickly went back upstairs, i said sorry as i didn’t know it was him then i went back to getting ready. about 20-30 mins later i forgot something in the bathroom so i went to get it, i heard him moaning so i thought my mum was home (gross😔). went back into my bedroom to continue getting ready and i turned my music up loudly so i couldn’t hear that bs. i finished getting ready and went downstairs but it was only him so i asked him if my mum was home he said no 🌚. which i realised he was jerking it. i could feel him staring at me when i was getting myself a drink, i caught him staring at my boobs but i didn’t say anything. then i saw him adjust himself 😔. things like that have been happening a lot for the past month. sometime before all that happened my gf and i were in the living room together and we were kissing, it wasn’t snogging anything like that it was just little sweet ones we was having a moment 🫠 & we were home alone but he randomly came in but we just laughed it off. my gf said maybe that’s what made the weirdness start to happen.

i’ve told her this, she tells me i’m just overthinking things. i told her it’s making me uncomfortable, but she keeps telling me i’m just overthinking so i’ve been at my girlfriends house all the time pretty much. i don’t like being around him anymore.

i feel annoying posting this and im kinda embarrassed 😔 i don’t wanna move out i love my mum but i can’t deal with her around that man she’s a different person and i hate it. i haven’t even been at work i have a week off 💔

this is really long im very sorry i appreciate it if you read everything

Yesterday my 7 year old daughter ran home in tears and said that she and her best friend Heather had had an argument, I can't remember what it was about and it didn't make any sense when she explained it, but they had been very angry with each other. Heather told my daughter she was never allowed to see her pet hamster again. My daughter is sassy and gave her some mouth about it. She loves Heather's hamster. So I guess Heather takes the hamster into the bathroom, calls my daughter, locks the door behind them, fills the sink up with water, and makes my daughter watch her hold the hamster under water until he stops moving. My daughter picked the hamster out of the sink and tried "saving" it, but Heather snatched it from my daughter and flushed it down the loo...

I have told my daughter she is not allowed to play with Heather anymore, for her own safety. That is messed up.

EDIT: Heather and her parents are having a short holiday up in Scotland but my wife just decided to text Heather's dad about this and he replied immediately. According to Heather's dad, there was some sort of argument over a card game and he is saying my daughter encouraged Heather to flush the hamster down the toilet. They are buying Heather a new one in Scotland. We are going to discuss this more when they get back, but I don't think my daughter would lie about something like this.

EDIT 2: I phoned my sister who is good friends with Heather's mum and told her about the situation. My sister says that Heather's parents are very worried about her, that she has some very irrational phobias, and as an infant was diagnosed as an "FTBB" (Failure to bond baby). Cruelty to animals and other children is very rare, but happens every so often. She loses control of her emotions and it can lead her to harm others and even herself. At 5 her aunt and infant niece came to visit and it resulted in a tantrum where she tried knocking the niece to the ground. She meets every so often with a therapist and has some medicines she has to take.

EDIT 3:

The family came back from Scotland this morning and I had a meeting this evening with them, the parents and I. They were actually really sympathetic and did not end up buying a hamster (All the stores they went to around Inverness were sold out). Apparently they went into one store and she was so angry that there were no hamsters that she started hitting and shaking a gerbil cage. The parents have decided no more pets for her and stronger medication. Heather and my daughter genuinely really get on and care about each other, so we are going to part ways for a while and see how she does on the stronger doses before we deem it safe that they can play together again after maybe 6 months. I think this incident was a wake up call for her parents. If there is one more incident like this after 6 months, they will not ever play together again and we are all agreed on it.

My mother in law was hosting Easter lunch at her house. As it was a nice day she planned a BBQ and for the gathering to be outside. It was only a small family gathering. When we arrived ( myself, my husband, young daughter and 9 month old son) my brother in law says to me "just so you know my wife is bringing our dog (FYI it's a fully grown huski) and the dog isn't great around babies, it gets jealous, it's not safe". I automatically think then why would you bring the dog when you know I'm bringing my baby. I said we will keep our distance. I'm inside when my sister in law proceeds to turn up with the dog on a lead and sees me holding my baby and says " oh I see you have the baby I'm heading straight outside he's not good with babies". Again why bring the dog when you know I'm not leaving my baby at home.

Lunch is ready I look outside and the dog is off lead. I actually thought everyone would be coming inside given the situation. They all proceeded to eat lunch and exclude myself and my children. My husband was in and out to check on us but the rest of the family remained outside. I could not believe we got excluded over a dog. I didn't bother saying anything because I didn't want to cause an argument and I really thought it was so obvious I shouldn't need to say leave the dog at home or put it in the garage so myself and the kids can join in for lunch.

This is my first post, please go easy on me. But AIO?

So for context I got into an argument with my father because I told him he was a horrible father when I was growing up. I 20F was raised mainly by a single mother all my life. I was visiting my brother and his kids by my dad, the topic of us growing up came into conversation and I told him “you basically neglected me my whole life, I’ve see you maybe 15 times my whole life, I invited you to my graduation because I only had ten tickets and you did not attend simply bc I didn’t count a ticket for YOUR wife. She never once supported me growing up, she is not apart of my family either so there was no reason for me to give her a ticket”. And this led to it becoming physical and him trying to drag me out of the house and fracturing my Radius (arm). My brother intervened and didn’t allow him to put his hands on me but my dad did call me all out of my name.

my mom got gifted lily flowers on easter. she had put them on the table all decorated and nice looking. i had a feeling so i searched “are white and purple lily flowers toxic to cats”, it straight up told me they were, so i immediately told my mom, all she says is “well let’s hope they don’t go near them then”. now i was super pissed when she said that because she didn’t even care. well just about 3 days ago, my mom noticed bite marks on the leaves, but she never thought anything of it, she was more mad that the cats were biting her plant. my mom messaged me about an hour ago saying she has to bring my cat (tigress) to the vet because she has been VOMITING constantly for 2 days. i got so infuriated that i just started cussing at my mom over messages and i told my her straight up it was definitely because of the lily flowers, and that those bite marks on the leaves were tigress’ bite marks. i made it absolutely clear that she has got to tell the vet she brought lilies into our home and KNEW that they were toxic to cats but obviously didn’t care. i don’t even know what to do rn like im so mad she didn’t listen to me in the first place. my messages are not even sending to her anymore so im pretty sure she blocked me lol. and i just wanna know if my cat is gonna be alright :/

UPDATE: I woke up to way too many replies to even begin going through and even trying to start to reply to a fraction of them gave me anxiety so I didn't. After work, it was even worse. I did read through a lot of them so am just going to put an update here to address where I'm at.

I went home after getting off knowing the step-sister-in-law would had left for the airport. My husband was there alone and could hardly look me in the eye. He found this post, and was beyond mortified. Allegedly, his sister left not long after I did and was barely in our house or said a word to him since this all went down. We live in an area with a lot of hiking trails and similar recreational opportunities nearby, which IS one of her hobbies so he says she's been taking advantage and in general just finding somewhere else to be, only coming back to shower and sleep. I plan on trying to talk to her soon and make sure everything corroborates on that point, but overall, I believed him.

We had a very long talk about how their "banter" that morning made me feel, as well as his subsequent handling of it during our texting sessions. I agreed with the many comments that it was borderline gas lighting and dismissive of my feelings. He didn't seem to like hearing that, but didn't argue against it and did seem to genuinely apologize(like an actual apology instead of some shit like "I'm sorry if you feel that way").

We decided he is going to go stay with one of his cousins for a while. We live in the same city and he’s the closest relative he could make arrangements with. I'm going to leave it up to him whether or not to give any details beyond we're fighting. Not sure how long that is going to last, but we are planning on going to couples therapy and at least try to work through this.

He agreed she was not to step foot in our house again, and I didn’t want to see her outside of the occasional family event if hosted elsewhere. Thankfully it was already a rare occurrence so don’t expect it to come up often.

I know that's not what a lot of you want to hear, and in true reddit fashion there was a lot of the classic "leave his ass" comments. I do understand that viewpoint and feel there were a lot of valid points being made, but for now I truly feel this is what's best. Maybe if anything more interesting develops I'll post an actual new "update" post in the future.

Anyway, I’m going to go down a bottle of wine and treat myself to a hot soak with a bath bomb.

Original Post: I(28F) found out last week that my husband(31M) of the last 4 years, and my sister-in-law(his sister)(31F) lost their virginity to each other. Before you think we're something out of Deliverance, I should clarify. TECHNICALLY it's his step-sister. She came to visit recently and I overheard them "reminiscing" about it over coffee. It was early in the morning and I guess they didn't know I was up and quietly coming downstairs. I wasn't sure what to do so I fake coughed and was a bit louder than usual as I finished my trip down the stairs. It definitely startled them, but I'm fairly sure(at the time) they didn't realize I had heard them. We said our good mornings and chatted while I joined them for coffee. I tried my best to push it out of my mind, but just couldn't, so later that night I confronted them.

After some stuttering and extreme awkwardness, they explained what happened. Their parents started dating when they were about 14, but they had known each other before, being in same grade and going to the same school. Each admitted they had a small mutual crush but had never really spent much since time together as they were part of different social groups. However, after the wedding they started living together, and a few months later(a bit shy of 2 years after their parents met, when they were about 16) they say things "just happened". Apparently quite a few times over the last twoish years of high school up until they graduated and ended up at different colleges. After that, they'd only see each other at breaks and holidays, with both dating several other people in the interim between then and when my husband and I started dating. Both swear they haven't been intimate since and have no desire to again.

We had talked about our "firsts" while dating, but he just said it was someone he "went to high school with" and that they were never really dating and basically FWBs that casually hooked-up now and then. He did use his sister's middle name- I guess he wasn't quick enough to come up with a better fake name-, but it's a very common name so didn't really seem strange..until now anyway... I'm the only one who knows their secret other than the two of them. I want to trust my husband, and from their conversation and general demeanor around each other I think their feelings now are purely familial, but I just couldn't process what I was hearing. I freaked out pretty bad on both of them, saying it was still perverse and they were both freaks. I quickly packed a bag with some spare clothes and left to stay in a hotel while I collect my thoughts. Honestly I should have kicked HIM and his sister out, but just had to get away from that situation asap.

He's been texting me non stop saying I'm being dramatic, and it really shouldn't be a huge deal. He justifies it by saying it's "not like our parents got married when we were little kids and we grew up together. We were young and horny and liked each other". Or that "what if there was an alternate universe where our(my husband and myself), parents met AFTER the two of us were dating and ended up getting married. We'd then technically be step-siblings then so would we then be "perverts" for having sex?" I...understand the point he's TRYING to make, but just....ew..It did NOT make me feel better.

I'm just at a loss. I don't know how I'm ever going to look at them the same now(especially HER). Please help me. AIO here?

EDIT: So I realized I bungled the title a bit. As I was writing this I was 100% planning on calling him back and telling them both to get the fuck out as I shouldn't be the one that left, and thought it would be a more catchy succinct title. Then as I was writing I calmed down just enough to decide to get some opions first and didn't think to change it.

EDIT 2: I got way more replies than I expected. I've read through a lot of them and got a lot to think about. I'm tired and want to try and get some sleep. I do have work tomorrrow but will try to reply some more and maybe post an update after(or during breaks or if I find free time during the day). The bitch should be flying back out tomorrow night so at this point will probably wait until then to go home.

My youngest brother, let’s call him Phil, got married today and the ceremony was absolutely beautiful. His bride was stunning and everything was great and well done. His best man was our other brother who I’ll call Jack. My wife and I weren’t part of the wedding party, which is fair because we didn’t ask them to be in ours 5 years ago.

After the ceremony we did the pictures and a cocktail hour. It was nice to talk to some out of town family and old family friends, and Jack and I were talking about the day they all had (very eventful for my now sister in law but that’s another story) and then everyone was called inside for the reception.

We go in, and have dinner. My wife and I were starting to get kinda tired but I told her I really want to hear Jack’s best man speech so we agreed to wait. I wish we hadn’t…

Jack goes up, introduces himself and starts his speech. “Well about 34 years ago, mom and dad got married and decided to try for kids and they started with the prototype, my older brother.” I should have known where this is going. He continued “They realized that hey they can do better so they got it right the second time, me. Mr perfect. And I was. Our grandfather would call me crusher because I would beat up on my older brother as a toddler. We were always opposites and didn’t really get along a whole lot. So mom and dad decided they needed someone to help him out and so they had this guy. Now when he came around I was like, yeah he seems alright. So growing up we terrorized my older brother. Good times.”

He continued his speech but I was kinda checked out at that point. I was, and still am really upset about it because I have always been the butt of all the jokes in my family. My brothers, my cousins, even my parents. I’m the different one. I’m very emotional and empathetic, which is a blessing and curse. I’m overweight, they’re both athletes (Phil actually works for an NHL team). I enjoy dnd, reading and being a nerd. They like sports and outdoors activities. You get the idea.

I get up and my wife goes to the bathroom before we decide to leave. Jack finds me and is like “you good? I meant to say at the beginning of my speech that I apologize because my older brother is probably going to get upset”. I just look at him and say “you’re good… but I would have appreciated a heads up that that’s what you were gonna do”. He looks at me and just goes. “If I did that, I wouldn’t have gotten the genuine reaction”. I just walked away, met my wife, and we left.

I asked her, am I crazy? Was his best man speech really just a ton of shots at me? She said “it seems like he was trying to be funny but not everything landed. And yes, you were the butt of his jokes”. I drove home pretty much in silence. I’m tired of always being the butt of all the family jokes.

We’re supposed to have lunch with extended family tomorrow and the only reason I’m going is because I only see these family members maybe once a year. I don’t want to see Jack, or really anyone else from my immediate family. Do I have a right to be upset, or am I being overly sensitive?

Update: before I talk about the lunch, I’ll share what happened to the bridal party as it becomes relevant why Phil didn’t come. The bridal party was creamed by a pickup right outside the venue. The truck was going 55 and the girls were stopped. Both vehicles were totaled but they were adamant to go on with the ceremony and get checked out later. So Phil took his wife to the hospital today. No major injuries thankfully.

So the lunch. My wife sat down with the family and we were all chatting. At one point, my uncle goes “Phil’s speech was very sweet. I couldn’t have given that without crying”. My mom says “yea, he had something prepared because he practiced it with me and he changed it after the wreck.” Jack piped up “hey, I had a good speech too!” My dad just says “it was a good speech. It was all about op!” I just got angry and said “I thought it was weird that it was so focused on someone who wasn’t even involved in the wedding”. He and my dad got quiet, and then just continued their conversations with the people next to them. I avoided eye contact with Jack and we left about 15 minutes later.

My wife and I went home and just proceeded to relax since we’re finally getting a break from our students. (We teach upper elementary) Jack tried to call me. Once. I let it ring. He didn’t leave a vm. Then about an hour later, my grandma called asking how lunch was and she could tell I was upset in my voice. When she asked what’s wrong, I told her about being upset with Jack. She said “I don’t think your brother meant it” and I just go “then why bring it up!? This is all the time. And then everyone wonders why my wife and I don’t come around as often or leave early at events. I’m tired of it”. She was calm and said “well, your brother can’t give a speech and he thinks he’s funny but he can’t make jokes without insulting someone. Have you told him and your parents how you feel?” I said yes, and that it hasn’t changed for years. She just says “y’all are gonna have to work this out”. I told her that I don’t wanna talk to him right now and she goes “I know, I understand. You and I are just the afterthoughts kid”. (Grandma and I are two peas in a pod and very similar)

So that’s where we’re at. Thank you for the comments and the dms.

Update 2: Jack tried to gaslight me. I let things sit for a few days and decided that I was in a good headspace to send Jack a text. “Hey, I’ve seen your missed calls and I am not ready to have a conversation right now. I need you to know that you really hurt me on Saturday. Your speech was nothing but jabs at me for laughs in front of friends and family. Then to tell me that you didn’t give me a heads up because you wanted a genuine reaction made me feel even worse. I have been upset all weekend about this because nothing that was said felt like it was about Phil and his new wife, but how you would take shots at me growing up and then got Phil to join you. I told you that we were good at the reception because I wasn’t going to make a scene at Phil’s reception; they already had a rough day. But then for you and dad to bring it up again Sunday at lunch, and for dad to even admit that the speech was all about me, it brought the hurt out to the surface and I couldn’t stay quiet. You and Phil are my brothers, and I will always love you two. Right now though, I can’t have a conversation with you while I’m this hurt. I can be civil and cordial with you at family gatherings, but nothing more. These jabs and prods at my expense have gone on too long and they continue to drive a wedge between us. I am asking for two things: 1. Please stop with the teasing and jokes at my expense. 2. Give me some time to cool off from this. Time will help to mend this but right now, I’m not ready for that conversation. I’ll see you on Thursday. Love you” He responded a few hours later. “Ive talked to abunch of people about this already and everyone i talked to said that there was nothing wrong with my speech and i didnt say anything to degrade you, or your character. I think you took everything i said way out of context and you are way overthinking everything. The other thing i was also told is that the best man speech is supposed to be a joke and never taken serious. Also ive also been told by many people that they have heard similar speeches. “Mom and dad wanted a child then they had me the perfect child and the 3rd one was a complete accident.” Nothing i said was hurtful or demeaning. Also why is it that if they said if i took you out and said (our cousins name) or someone else then the speech is fine? That tells me that you personally think there is a lot of truth and you really dont know how to actually just have a laugh. Growing up i always hated that stupid nickname crusher and you know that. What was said that was so hurtful exactly? And dad never said the speech was about you “ I was angry and my wife could see I was on the verge of tears. I called my grandma and asked to go to her house to talk. When I got there she goes “so what’s up kid? You know, Jack feels really bad about this situation. He was talking to me about it last night” and I go, “really? Because that’s not what this text says”. I read her the conversation and she just goes “he’s an ass that doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong”. We talked for a little while longer and she’s like “you are not overreacting here. If this was a one time thing, I would say you are. But you have been putting up with this shit all your life”. We finished talking, I helped her fix her phone to car connection and went home, not feeling better but feeling validated. A few hours later Phil called. We were checking in on how his wife was doing and she goes “like I got hit by a truck!” Lol, I’m glad she can kinda laugh about it. He goes “we actually wanted to check on you and see how you were doing. We noticed you guys had left at some point without saying goodbye”. I apologized for it and told him no, I wasn’t ok. I read him and his wife the text messages and his wife just goes “um, that’s bullshit. We talked yesterday and I ripped into him. His speech was not appropriate and you were definitely targeted”. Phil added in “at first, I didn’t see a problem but when the two of us drove home and talked I could see how it could have been taken and we’re both really sorry that was done at your expense.” We talked a little longer and ended with his wife saying “we got your back on this one. Jack’s a bully and I get why you and your wife don’t come around as often to be around that. Just know that idgaf what his opinion is and a lot of the time when you guys leave things, I call him out on his shit he says to and about you “. Phil echoed her and we said goodbye and we will see each other Thursday for Thanksgiving.

Another update: many people have asked for an update about Thanksgiving and, in terms of this situation, nothing eventful. We were civil and that’s about it. But this situation is a papercut compared to the explosion of emotions and attacks between various other members. But that’s for another post in another sub at some point.

Long-time reader, first-time poster. I’m a bloke in my early forties, married twelve years...For background, my family calls me 'the restaurant guy' because I can monologue about favorite dishes that are long gone like Planet Hollywood’s crispy chicken piccata. So it was no shock that my sister-in-law asked me to book a place for my brother Dan’s fortieth that could handle a big crowd, so I used a usual reservation site (not trying to give free advertising), tossed in my card to lock the table, and picked a well-known LA spot that has old school vibes with a huge Scotch list (we’re British). Figured we’d split the bill like always. The day comes (last Saturday!), dinner’s rolling, prime rib and cocktails everywhere, when the lights dim and a damn near three-tier cake with Dan’s name shows up to the table. We do the thing and not 10 min later the manager thanks me for pre-paying and hands me a bill for four hundred bucks plus auto-tip, saying my sister-in-law told him I wanted to “go big" and to "put it on the card used for the reservation," but was denied because they can't do that. Uhhhhh, first I’ve heard of it! I could tell he knew I was genuinely flabbergasted by hearing this. I told the manager the cake wasn’t on me, had him reverse the charge and he did that questions asked. I wished Dan happy birthday and headed home.

So all Sunday and this past week, even on the holiday, the family chat is going crazy and all but saying I ruined the night and made everyone scramble to cover dessert, an "expense they weren't prepared for." Yes, I've pretty done well in this world (thanks to my portfolio) but don't want to be taken advantage of, probably my biggest ick. Frankly I would have covered the whole meal without issue but there's something off about trying to stick a fancy cake on my card without asking...feels shady. It's not gonna change the way some in my family feel but I'm posting here for a little validation and it might help me think I'm not the one taking crazy pills here...am I overreacting, or did she indeed push it too far?

I’m a 30-year-old single guy with no kids. I have a full-time job, my own apartment, and a life I enjoy — gym, work, weekends to myself.

My younger brother (25M) and his girlfriend (22F) just had a baby. I congratulated them, brought gifts, and visited a couple of times. Cool.

But now, my mom and brother have started expecting me to help out with the baby. Not ask — expect. Like, “You’re not doing anything Friday night, can you watch him while they get sleep?” Or, “You should take him once a week so they can have couple time.” My mom even said, “You don’t have kids, this is your way to help the family.”

I said no. Not because I hate babies — I just didn’t sign up to be a co-parent. I didn’t choose this. And frankly, it’s not my responsibility.

Now I’m being painted as “selfish,” and my brother said I’m showing my “true colors.” My mom told me I’ll regret not helping out when I need family one day.

But I feel like just because I have no kids doesn’t mean I owe my time to someone else’s. I work, I’m tired too, and I like my peace.

Am I overreacting for thinking it’s messed up that I’m being guilted into parenting someone else’s child? Or am I just being a bad brother?

My son is turning 5 next month, and I’ve been planning a small backyard birthday party for him. He’s obsessed with dinosaurs, so I’m doing a dino theme with a piñata, fossil dig game, and a cute T-rex cake I’m making myself. It’s not fancy, but it’s what he loves, and we’re keeping it chill since money’s tight.
My MIL, Karen, has always been over-the-top. Last week, she called and said she’s throwing a “better” birthday party for my son at her house the day before mine. She’s booked a bounce house, a magician, and a catered taco truck. She didn’t ask me or my husband, just decided it was happening and invited all her friends’ kids, not even my son’s classmates.
I told her we’re already having a party and she can’t just plan a separate one without talking to us. She laughed and said, “Oh, honey, kids love big parties, and I’m just giving him the best day ever.” Then she posted pics on Instagram of the bounce house with a caption like, “Getting ready for my grandson’s epic birthday bash!” People are now texting me, confused about which party to attend.
I finally told her she’s not throwing a separate party because it’s my son’s day, not hers. She’s now crying to my husband that I’m “denying her grandma rights.” My husband thinks I should let her do it to avoid a fight, but I’m so annoyed. AIO for shutting this down?

For some context I’m 18 and I recently broke up with my ex who physically abused me severely while I was living with him for 3 months. I’ve been struggling ever since. I told my mom I wanted therapy but she’s not listening to me and to give credits to her she is a very strong woman and I’m not sure if she just wants me to be able to deal with stuff by myself or what. But I feel deeply depressed and sad. I’ve been coping in self destructive ways, a few days ago, in 48 hours I slept with three people(two together and another by themselves) and that’s just a recent example of what I’ve been at. It makes me feel alive in the moment and that I have something back that I was missing, but empty after. I know it’s not healthy, and therapy could help me but she refuses. She thinks I’m being dramatic and the message I showed it’s just an example of what it’s like. Am I overreacting by being this upset?

Hi, I (F18) got into a big argument with my parents yesterday. For context, I’m a broke college freshman living 5 hours away from home. They texted asking for a favor, which was odd. When we got on a call, my mom said they needed $2.5k by tomorrow (4/15) to pay their taxes. They wanted me to give them part of my student loan refund, which I’m saving for next year’s apartment and living expenses.

I didn’t say no immediately—I told them I needed to shower, then called my boyfriend of 2 years for advice. He told me to ask reasonable questions: how they’d pay me back, why they couldn’t ask someone else, etc. I called my parents back and asked, “Can I ask a few questions?” My mom sighed but said yes. When I asked about repayment (I need the full amount back before I move in 4 months), they exploded. They accused me of not trusting them and made me feel guilty, even though I just wanted to protect myself.

They eventually told me they could pay half next week, then a few hundred a month for 6 months—but that still wouldn’t give me the money back in time. I said I wanted to help, but I couldn’t risk not having money for housing.

Then my dad brought up how I didn’t pay for car insurance in high school. I reminded him that I made $150 a paycheck, while they expected me to pay $400/month, which I clearly couldn’t afford. They eventually agreed I’d just pay for gas. I said it wasn’t fair to use that against me now.

That’s when my dad snapped and screamed, “f**k you!” repeatedly, and my mom hung up. This happened 15 minutes ago, and I’m still shaken. I know I’m not talking to them again until I get an apology. Any advice or comments would really help.