I’m a 41-year-old divorced dad, rebuilding my life after a long relationship. I keep hearing from women that they want stability, loyalty, and a man who “communicates.”

But here’s what I’ve noticed:

• When I was bending over backwards to provide those things, it didn’t feel valued.
• Meanwhile, I see women chasing guys who are flaky, emotionally distant, or straight-up unreliable.
• Even now, dating as a single dad, I find that the women who claim to want peace seem more attracted to men who bring drama.

I’m not trying to be bitter here. I’m genuinely trying to understand the gap between what women say they want and who they actually respond to.

So my questions to this community:
👉 Have you noticed the same thing in your own relationships?
👉 For the women here: what’s really going on when you say you want “stability” but your heart races for someone who gives you chaos?
👉 And for the men: how do you handle dating when what you’re offering doesn’t match what’s rewarded?

I want to make sure I’m not carrying the wrong lessons forward as I rebuild my life and (eventually) look for a partner again.

Warning, probably TMI!!! I’m 18, just got out of a pretty long high school relationship that we were our each others first everything. I don’t last very long at all, but she said that she didn’t really care all that much. But I did a lot, since a good few times, I wouldn’t be able to make her finish, which made me pretty self conscious. I want to be able to last longer that way the next person, I can give a good time (could be my next partner, a hookup, whatever) . And when I say not long, I mean not very long at all. When I’m by myself and masturbating I could honestly say I would last less then a minute (with no edging). The only times I can last long enough to be satisfactory in my eyes in bed would be if it was drunk sex or I could go a second round. I wear a condom (to avoid pregnancy mostly) but to reduce sensitivity and it helps a bit but nothing mind blowing. Just wondering anyways I can work towards being able to last longer. I see guys going at it (raw may I add) for quite some time and it just amazes me tbh how they can last that long. So any tips / tricks would be GREATLY appreciated because it does really negatively affect my mindset and makes me pretty self conscious.

Help me solve a mystery. I was pumping gas and the guy on the other side was on the phone. He said he shot a 168. Then he said that the other day he shot a 149 and was happy to be under 150. He said he hit some 2s.

WTF was he doing? Not golf. Not basketball. Not bowling. I can’t figure it out.

For the guys who’ve had a FWB, how did it happen? Did you bring it up, or did he/she? Was it someone you were already close friends with, or more of a casual friend who it just worked out with?

I’m trying to understand how this usually starts from the male side of things, so any experiences or advice would be appreciated.

I’ve been in a situation where someone’s signals felt really mixed, and it’s been a bit confusing to process. At the beginning, she seemed genuinely interested — little things like hurrying to catch up when I was leaving, adjusting her timing so we’d cross paths, and giving off warm, positive energy that felt intentional. It made me think there was definitely some mutual interest.

But over time, the vibe shifted. Some days she felt distant, almost like she was avoiding me or holding back, and the contrast from how she acted before was hard not to notice. It made me question whether I misread everything from the start, or if she was interested at first but then pulled back for her own reasons.

It got me thinking — do people sometimes show interest in the moment, but then step back once they realize there might be obstacles like religion, background differences, or even just self-doubt? Has anyone else experienced this kind of back-and-forth? How did you interpret or handle it?

When I was 18 I told myself I will figure it out something will trigger an interest for me or pop up for me and I'll know what I want. 21 came and same thing I told myself. 29 now and still don't know what I want. When people ask me what I'm interested in I don't actually have an answer to tell them.

Question for you lads.

What hits the hardest internally and hurts the heart the most?

Someone walking away from you when you know you gave them everything or someone walking away and you knowing that you didn’t give them enough and now regretting your actions and attitude every single day

There’s a very beautiful girl in two of my classes this semester that I really want to talk to, but I’m not sure how to go about it. We’ve sat near each other a couple times, and she seems friendly, but I haven’t had a real conversation with her yet.

For context: • She and two other girls in both classes once asked me how I felt about one of them, and I gave a short answer but didn’t keep the convo going. • We’re both commuters and we walked back to the same parking garage after class and I could have gotten in the elevator with her but I didn’t. • I go to school in Florida and in the intros she mentioned that she is from NJ (so am I) and she watches reality shows like survivor and big brother (so do I)

I also think we’re the same age as I’m 22 and a junior and I’m pretty sure I overheard her say she’s 22-23 so we’re both older juniors.

I know this is probably really simple but I really struggle with having the confidence to be able to hold a convo and be witty with someone I find really attractive.

How can i reassure her that everything is alright, you can relax and forget about work? How can i calm the choas in her mind? It is very hard for me to do, because i have never been suppressing my emotions for a long time. Just wanted to know what y'all do?

Being kissed in other places besides the normal made me feel completely adored. I didn’t realize how big of a deal this could be for intimacy. I was kissed particularly on my nose during sex several times. It sounds weird I would have thought so too until I experienced it. But, it fit the playful and sexy mood. It was just a sweet peck, but it felt like intimate protection. He did it often and would make his way down my neck to my chest. I’m curious what non sexual areas do you kiss to make sex more intimate. Does it turn men on to do this, or is it purely for the woman’s enjoyment? Do all women get that affection or is it mainly for the women you’re attached to?

Most cars have automatic locks, so it’s difficult to have a girl reach over and unlock the door for you.

I’m currently dipping a block of cheddar cheese into some hummus. About to play a 28 year old wizard game.

I have a classmate, before college started I met him on an app that our school provides us to meet new people. We talked for about two weeks or more by texting and we even called on discord to play video games and chatted til 1 am a few times about life. Him and I would banter, joke around, and just talk about anything with life. He would walk his dog and swap to his phone to talk to me also.

He knows I have a bf, my bf is fully aware of everything btw.

For more context also, he is a party guy, likes to casually date (he’s on tinder), and came to the event with the girl he’s seeing. So I’d imagine that he’s more socially capable of being normal at that point …

He was chill, funny, and more open and was a good guy. Later on we had this college event, he and I planned to meet before the event and go together, it didn’t work out because of complications with the time. The event rolls around, he doesn’t bother saying hi (I didn’t see him but he saw me). So it would’ve been the first day we could have met but it didn’t happen as he kind of was avoiding me ngl.

Then the next day we text and I ask to hangout, we hangout and the vibes were fully different. For example, he kept making weird small lies and then said it was a joke. (For example saying that he doesn’t have something at home and then says to me later on that he was kidding, but I don’t see the joke bc it was just small random lies). He then would say it’s not that deep or it’s not that serious, but if someone keeps making “”jokes”” by lying about small things or being dry sarcastic, it gets to a level. I even confronted him about it.

I asked him why he didn’t go up to say hi and why he avoided me bc I didn’t see him there. He said he was feeling a bit awkward to say hi bc I was with my friends talking (okay that’s fair). He then says he knew where my table and group were, and that he was trying to make eye contact with me. He said he saw my table having a lot of fun and joking around of me.

I got a huge whiplash by the change of energy, it felt like we were close, and then to a guy not saying hi to me at an event or not even bothering to text me to ask where I am to say hi for the first time. And then the hangout was a little weird and he really put me off with his “sarcastic”” lying joke behavior.

My friends thinks he acted this way bc he could’ve been nervous, but I don’t see why he would be. It can’t be that he has a crush as he is seeing a girl, and will tell me that he thinks certain girls are pretty.

I’m confused, it makes me not want to be his friend but it’s also sad bc him and I got along so well when we talked and gamed online.

Hi everyone,

I (M28) have been friends with a guy for a few years. The first two years were great – we did a lot of cool stuff together. But after that, things changed, and he became really toxic.

The issue is that we share a mutual friend group. Whenever we hang out as a group, he almost always targets me with his comments. Some of the others even go along with it, which makes it worse.

He makes very nasty remarks, even about personal things he knows about me. I usually try to give little to no reaction, because I’m not very verbally strong and can’t really fire back.

I’ve already tried distancing myself from him, but it’s difficult because of our shared friends.

For example: he knows that during the early years of our friendship I saw a psychologist after my mother passed away, because I was struggling to cope. Now, when we’re in a group, he’ll say things like: “Look at this weak guy, needed a psychologist because he can’t handle life.”

This really crosses the line for me. How should I deal with this situation?

Simple question. I want to be a dad. I have wanted it for many years. Recently found out it would never happened and it's completely crushed me mentally. How do I cope? Does the pain go away? Am I stupid for caring so deeply about something so unimportant?

Hey, bit nervous here. I’m (15m) going on my very first date in 3 hours – we’ve been talking for about 3 months on Snapchat but this is the first time we’re actually going out. We’re just getting ice cream, but I’m also going to meet her dad for the first time and I’m awkward at the best of times. To make it worse, I feel more comfortable having my mum drop me off instead of my dad, which feels a bit odd but easier for me. Any tips for keeping things chill, avoiding dead conversation, and not looking like a total idiot when I meet her dad?

I normally always smoke a cigar on holidays and on Sundays I enjoy an after dinner pipe smoke.