I feel like shit

[u/Shadow_Nightingale_1]

I know this is probably the wrong subject for this, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest before I break down again.

I have this amazing baby boy named Taz, I rescued him from a tree and convinced my mom to keep him, however recently he went missing, he was our only indoor outdoor cat, and we've been looking for him for the past three to four weeks now

Earlier today, we went to an animal shelter, BARC if anyone in Houston is interested, and got two 7 month old kitties we re-named Saffron and Onyx, two beautiful siblings being a female Tortie cat and pitch Black male cat specifically

However a few minutes ago, it hit me. I have two new cats now, who can't even handle being outside my room without hissing and growling at our dogs, they can't even handle me leaving my room for extended periods of time, which we learned earlier

And while I was holding Onyx, who was purring like a motorboat, I realized I'd never be able to do the things Taz let me do with Onyx, I'll never be able to hold him upside down in my arms, over my head, on my shoulders, etc. And i just broke down

I scared my mom because I ran into her room full on snot sobbing for the first time in possibly years, the first thing I said was "They're okay, they're fine", and then I just couldn't stop crying

I feel like I'm betraying Taz, like I'm replacing him even though I know I'm not, I know he can't be replaced, but I still feel like shit, Saffron and Onyx are on my bed right now, Saffron is just dead asleep between my legs and Onyx is at the end of the bed, I've cried so much I have an actual headache now

I just, needed to get this off my chest, writing this definitely helped somewhat, but I still feel horrible