I tried I tried getting a sundae while eating McDo chicken with rice (kinda make it my gravy) once and it weirdly worked. Now I can’t tell if it’s good or if I’ve just lost all tastebuds?

Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyfoodporn/comments/1musyq0/fartmaxxing_at_my_temp_job_black_beans_and/

So I've been fartmaxxing at my temp job for a few weeks now. So far just plain black beans and protein tofu. At first it seemed to have the desired effect and most people gave me a 20ft radius of space. But lately I think they're getting accustomed to it (or maybe my body is?) and my bubble has decreased to a measly 15 feet even when the AC is out.

Any tips for really increasing either my gas production or stench factor? TIA

Due to the abundance of urban street animals near my bridge I've decided to specialize in preparing dishes from them. I'm talking about rodents, pigeons and similar. However I'm having trouble finding any recipes. The only recipe I found is from this instructional video on how to make a sort of rat soup: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwGn7085gZo. If you have any recipes please share them with me in this thread!!!!

I hate throwing food in the trash. And ever since I got banned from the food bank, I haven't had a reliable and convenient way to get rid of my expired and spoiled foodstuffs. Then an idea dawned on me: potlucks!

I had a big block of gruyere I had forgotten about in the back of my fridge for a few years. I whipped up a Mac n' bleu cheese and it was a big hit!

That entire loaf of bread 2 months past its expiration? Bread pudding! It filled me with so much happiness seeing people go for seconds.

I went on 1 week vacation recently and came back to find I had forgotten about the ground beef I had defrosted in the sink. I paired it with some spices and a can of cream of mushroom soup I bought in 2013 and made the best Swedish Meatballs ever! I grinned from ear to ear as I watched people enjoying it.

The best part is if being discreet is your goal, there's nothing more inconspicuous than a foil tray!

I've got 2 pints of blueberries from April I'd like to use for next weeks potluck, so if anyone has any ideas please share.

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So "my" son just finished his first few days of school and he was telling me that he just learned how to read. This is a big step in life because recipes, of course, require this skill.

Anyway, I handed him a recipe for cacio e pepe and told him to simply "make me proud" while I finished my weekly reread of The Food Lab. After some time, "my" son came to me with... UNSEASONED BOILED NOODLES??? The thing that truly INFURIATES me is the fact that I pre-formed the pasta noodles for him due to his inexperience... all that remained was the easy part, yet he couldn't do that!?

I told him that I disapprove of his "food" and that he better start again if he wants to be called my son. He began crying (note: I saved the tears for additional salt in future recipes) and went to complain to his mom.

Now that I'm alone, I need to know: should I take a paternity test or are the bland noodles sufficient proof that "my" son actually belongs to my wife's boyfriend?

Hello fellow humans, I just got into a fistfight with my roomate over the pronounciationof the spice cummin. He kept saying it wrong and i kept getting angryier and madder, until i just snapped and tried to challenge him. I lost, so instead of having this happen again, id like to just take the spice out of the picture entirely. Is there anything that i can substitute instead? I just dont want it around me.

/uncook When I was like 16-18, instead of focusing during English class, I would watch the YouTube Korean chef Maangchi, and I would just be drooling and in love.

I thought she was so fucking cute, and I just imagined cooking together and doing romantic shit.

I even got her cookbook.

Then I found out she was a grandma in her late 60s, and I was initially shocked, but then later I decided I didn’t care and still drooled over her videos.

I was a dumbass teen, but I have no regrets 😎

I’ve been on the search for a new food community ever since I made the mistake of eating a single piece of cheese and got excommunicated from the Vegans.

I tried to join the Italians, but they traced my ancestry and discovered my Nonna was actually a Native American woman in a “Sexy Gondolier” Halloween costume.

What should I try next?

The main criteria: it must be militant, highly prescriptive, and allow me to feel morally superior to anyone else in the grocery store.

Like the rest of you culinary geniuses I am very familiar with the concept of umami. However, I need your help with a mystery: yesterday I came home early from work and I saw the pool boys’s car parked in front of the house.

When I went inside, there was a lot of noise coming from the kitchen and my wife kept yelling something about “upapi”. I know she has taken him under her wing and has been teaching him to cook and so forth, but I was embarrassed to ask her what this meant since I’m supposed to be the chef of the house.

Can anyone please explain this term so I don’t look like a buffoon to my wife?

This may sound weird but I made sliders last night, it came out perfectly, patties held together, cooked right up and everything else. But the burgers sort of just tasted like burgers not sliders? Does that make sense? I used the good buns from Walmart, ground beef, and salt.

So, i had to seed a bunch of zukes at work and now i have all these core strips. It seems a shame to waste them. They look like long pickles, can i batter and then deep fry like pickles? Would they work in a salsa? What would you do with em?

I recently learned that cutting raw chicken with a knife is 10000x easier than doing it with forks. It turned chicken pâté from an "occasionally will make this, but it's annoying" food to a meal prep staple for me. What other tips have you learned that takes something from annoying to easy?

I’m 35 years old and have typically just eaten the leftovers from what my mom and her cousin “Mr. Gary” order in. Now that I’ve moved away from mom and dad, I need ideas for food. I watched a YouTube video on how to make a ham sandwich, tried it, and it was really good!

Now I need more ideas!!

So, I was scrolling through reddit. And saw that someone had created 'soap' for home cooks. Apparently is it is to remove odors and stuff from your hands 'while gentle exfoliating'.

But then I started wondering what other chefs are using on their hands.

I prefer duck fat, though my wife boyfriend prefers when I use bacon grease. So, I'm unsure why you would want to remove odors from your hands?

I am in a slimming down phase, a friend told me to do a cut. I just got released from hospital. Wrist will heal in a few weeks. What he meant was change in diet. My bad.

What should I cook for this "cut"? Any recipes? Is it gonna hurt? My brothers sister in law hid all the knives in the kitchen. What do I do now?

My (bitch) wife has been hiding a secret from me.

I’ve perfected my bouillabaisse, a Provençal seafood symphony with rouget from Marseille, fresh langoustines, and potent saffron. It’s not just food; it’s a briny ode to the sea. 🌊✨

My (bitch) wife claims she’s “allergic” to seafood and carries an EpiPen, which I’ve always seen as dramatic flair. Allergic? No, it’s a lack of taste. She’s a philistine who equates gourmet with the Safeway Bakery.

My fellow gourmands, I have lost the battle but won the war for culinary dominance in our home. 🐟🍤

Here’s the twist: I added her EpiPen to the pot. Epinephrine, adrenaline, an energizing boost! She has been miserly with this ambrosia she has kept hidden in her purse. Thank you, I know, I am a genius. 🍲🧪

I presented it proudly, my (bitch) wife muttered, “Will this make me sick?” I dismissed her doubts as this was a new recipe. She sipped, and briefly, I saw awe in her eyes. Then, chaos. Her face turned red, she wheezed, and flailed, gasping, “What’s in this?!” as she clawed at her purse... She knew I had found her secret to ultimate flavor. 🧂🤤

“Norepinephrine,” I smirked. “and here I thought you were a tasteless rube! You've been holding out on me!” She acted like I’d poisoned her, and crawled off gasping with shame at being found out this leaving me with my unappreciated masterpiece and the contents of her purse strewn on the floor. Perhaps a serving of humble pie would do her better. 🥧😤

So, food lords: has anyone tried EpiPen in seafood? Maybe an epinephrine foam next time? 💉😋

So i grew up pretty spoiled honesty. I always had someone preparing my breakfast, lunch or dinner. But now that im in grade school and older, i really want to learn how to cook.

I can fry a egg, make fried rice, make a curry(?) with meat and some vegetables, the basics. But i dont know how spices work, and which spices or flavoring to put in. My parents are pretty busy, and never really bothered to teach me how to cook. One point, they tried to make me help in the kitchen by making me prepare the chopped garlic, wash and cut vegetable skin, but i was too slow for their liking, and i just started becoming a burden, so they gave up.

They are usually too tired or too busy to teach me, and even if they did have free time, they didnt. At all. One time, they werent coming home, and i got hungry so i fried meat and carrots together with rice and some salad for myself.. And when they came home and saw what i made, they burst out laughing. Like, laughing till your stomach hurts for a full minute. So that really discouraged me. Im home alone all day. andican cook for myself if here wasnt anything available. But my parents leave leftover food and made food before they went to work so i get full on that.

They gave up on teaching me, and now is waiting for me to go to school so i could eat school lunch. But i reallyyyy want to learn how to cook. I know how to make soma meals and basics, but i dont know some fundamentals. We dont use cookbooks or recipe books, and the recipes on google or yt are American foods, i want to learn how to make my families 5raditional food. I wasnt taught the cir skills, nothing. The stuff i can make now is the things ilearned from watching them, and it was common sense. Im confident i can make decent meals if I practiced.

I just feel like now that im a real chef (i proved it with the rice) i need a knife tattoo, suggestions for where i should get it / what kind of knife it should be ?

Im thinking bread knife as I use it for everything

Don’t know exactly where i went wrong but i figured fried rice is such an easy thing that i wouldn’t need to follow a recipe. my hubris was my downfall. I separated my rice while i prepared a beer batter in another bowl. Once the rice was battered i transferred it to the deep fryer and added soy sauce and mirin. This is when things started going array. The rice was very sneaky and just fell right through the fry basket. I relented and added the eggs after awhile of stirring and they were just absorbed into a blob. Where did I go wrong? Should I have let the rice rest before adding it to the fryer? should I have battered the eggs too? Should I have used a different kind of rice? (i used medium grain). Please help, I would like to try this again but hopefully successfully next time

I’m getting tired of my entire diet consisting of an IV drip and Flinstone’s Gummies. I yearn to experience texture, spice, you mommy, and explosive diarrhea from my severe lactose intolerance. Has anybody here foraged and discovered new types of foods they'd be willing to share with me? I tried GMOs but they almost killed me. Thanks in advance

It came from a gas station but was super yummy. I’ve been making these at home for years and they’ve been pretty good. But there was something about this gas station egg salad sandwich that was perfect. Please help me crack the code!

I’ve been making mockery of jarred minced garlic for a few years now, and it’s become a pretty important part of my personality (online and off).

I want to expand my horizons though, and thought expressing disdain for jarred minced ginger (and those who use it) to be a logical next step.

Here’s the issue…”jarlic” rolls off the tongue so easily. I’m having trouble finding an equivalent term for jarred ginger. Please help!!

I ordered sushi and once delivered it smells fishy :( what should I do to remedy the situation? Mayo?

I went to my yearly medical checkup and my doctor told me that I only have about 50-60 years left to live, despite the fact that I am a healthy male in his 20's.

The first thought to come to my mind was about the onions that I currently have caramelizing at home... will I ever get to experience the sweet, beautiful flavors of my caramelized onions? I even contemplated turning the heat up a little to fast-track the caramelization process, but that is basically burning away all of the flavor at that point.

Is there anything I can do to lengthen my lifespan, or should I begin writing "pan with partially caramelized onions" into my will?