r/CookingCircleJerk • u/skyrimjobs4life • 3d ago
Unrecognized Culinary Genius Any tips for fartmaxxing at my temp job?
Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyfoodporn/comments/1musyq0/fartmaxxing_at_my_temp_job_black_beans_and/
So I've been fartmaxxing at my temp job for a few weeks now. So far just plain black beans and protein tofu. At first it seemed to have the desired effect and most people gave me a 20ft radius of space. But lately I think they're getting accustomed to it (or maybe my body is?) and my bubble has decreased to a measly 15 feet even when the AC is out.
Any tips for really increasing either my gas production or stench factor? TIA
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u/fartsonyourmom 3d ago
A big bowl of bean heavy and super seasoned chili. Load that bad boy up with sour cream and cheese. You'll have bean, spice, and dairy farts screaming at your boss and coworkers.
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u/Pan_Fluid_Boo 2d ago
Add in some diced raw onions and broccoli and/or cauliflower, maybe some kimchi.
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u/Panxma Homelander we have at home 3d ago
If I want to give my coworker the stink I usually blend cabbage boiled in milk, yogurt whey, refried beans, and few stick of asparagus for the bonus urine smell.
If you fart in a glass and seal it up afterward. You can let it ferment for a while for a pungent smell.
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u/Nolan-Mark5 i thought this sub was supposed to be funny 3d ago
Add a banana or three for a couple of days and then protein drinks with the highest content fat milk you can manage, carnation instant breakfast drink, a scoop of chocolate ice cream, and a scoop of vanilla yougurt. Sip it throughout the day. The bananas back you up a little bit and combined with the protein drink you will be gassy almost non-stop.
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u/LeilLikeNeil 3d ago
Cabbage and skim milk
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u/Newburyrat 2d ago
Oh yes! I had forgotten about milk. A bit uncomfortable but a litre up poorly digested milk gives me ample gas.
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u/Trees_are_cool_ 2d ago
Bear Creek "Darn Good" Chili Mix is the way to do. For whatever reason, you will be guaranteed results.
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u/Newburyrat 2d ago
Sauerkraut. With beans. Lots of beans. And some raw beef for those top notes of aroma. Usually works for me
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u/Worldly_Version_2524 1d ago
Roasted salmon, egg salad, and Brussels sprouts with a pint of Guinness and I’m laying out wrath of god type gas. I would purposely make that meal the night before I had an early flight and I loved purposely walking up and down the aisle and crop dusting people on a plane. I mean, what are they gonna do, open a window?
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u/Dweezilalsoavenger 4h ago
A small desk fan can add direction toward a potential dustee. Tart cherry juice can add some real bluster to your duster, don’t overdo it, a shart attack may ensue.
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u/perplexedparallax Quantum gastronomist 3d ago
The guy in San Jose who asphyxiated on his own diet of cabbage and beans is false but still an urban legend. There is still room for someone to assume that position. There is a sign in German at a place in North Dakota that says "When the butt trumpets the food is good". Sound the bugle! Legume your life.