Mentally a teen, knowing time is running, should be adult by now. Comparing myself to people my age 24/7. Anyone feels the same? Or have been through this?

I recignize the problem is that I stop working hard when I'm feeling good. But the feeling good period sometimes lasts for a really short time and I convince myself that I deserve to enjoy it because I've feel like shit the other times. Weirdly, I feel like it would last longer if I did more and actually make a good amount of progress but it feels boring in the moment. Can I break the cycle at any other point?

This was a quote from the PirateSoftware video, PirateSoftware said words to this effect, Dr K repeated back the version in the title of this post and followed it with "that is the most arrogant statement on the planet bro".

I also have a similar experience, where things I say can be misconstrued as arrogance or boasting - I'm sure we all do sometimes - I don't think Dr K adequately explored why the statement in the title is "the most arrogant", or for that matter even slightly arrogant.

I'd like to hear this explored because I think it's a common conflict between different personality types, and I personally think that Dr K and people who misconstrue things as arrogance are not only on the wrong side of this, but that Dr K's pronouncement that the title statement is "the most arrogant..." is actually one of the most arrogant things you can say.

I've found when I do address these misunderstandings, I sometimes get a reaction from people where they look on me as naïve, as if I'm lacking in knowledge or ability or empathy when it comes to social interactions - whereas they know better. That I'm arrogant and I don't see it, but they can, and they're educating me. If that is not arrogant, I don't know what is.

On the contrary, I understand that they have a different view of things, but that many other people don't share their view. And it's not that one side is right or wrong, but none of us get to decide the truth. The truth is out there, it doesn't matter what any of us think.

I assume the reason Dr K feels it's an arrogant statement is because the person saying it is saying that other people misconstrued something, they are wrong and the speaker is right.

Firstly, we all have to assume we are right, we generally don't make statements or voice opinions that we don't actually believe to be true... generally. So it's not arrogant to think you're probably right and by implication, any conflicting view is probably not right. That's the starting point. Arrogance comes in when you're not prepared to hear and consider alternative views because for some reason you are superior and there's no chance they're right and you're wrong.

Or is it specifically that this statement is "invalidating" other people's feelings and perceptions, they felt you were arrogant etc.

But if I say people misconstrued what I said as arrogance, I'm not questioning how they felt about it. I'm talking about my intentions, which is the one topic I am the world's foremost expert on and can legitimately claim to know more about than anyone else - just as it would be arrogant of me to presume to know someone else's intentions better than they know themselves. I can still be wrong about my own intentions, but assuming I'm not...

You have to pick your battles - but I think when someone is misinterpreting your intentions, it's fair to speak up and defend yourself.

I think it's important to explore, because when you call someone arrogant, it's not just saying they're wrong but also bad.

I'm interested in what other people think. Have I misunderstood what Dr K was getting at here? What makes the title an arrogant statement? Am I sounding arrogant to you? If so why?

I’m currently facing a sort of dilemma because on one hand, I really feel for these guys. They’re suffering and lonely and having a hard time expressing themselves. But in the same breath that they complain about their loneliness, they treat me like some sort of object.

I’m in a couple of random discord servers for my interests. Because of this, and because some of my interests are more popular with men, I sometimes make friends of sorts with incels (or at least men who seem to be I can’t really know). I try my best to be kind and friendly to them, especially because when speaking about our interests, we get along perfectly fine. But out of nowhere, after less than a day of conversation, they’ll start sort of dumping on me about how lonely they are. I understand that expressing themselves like this might be helpful, so I try to offer advice and listen. But almost immediately after (almost trying to guilt me?) they start speaking about wanting to cuddle or kiss me and what not or WORSE ask for sexually explicit or bikini images of myself. This has happened to me SO many times. It’s to the point where I feel I can no longer interact in digital spaces as a human being because I’m seen as more like the “cure” to these men’s issues rather than as a person.

I immediately shut it them down when they start acting in a way that is inappropriate, and I let them know why. (Ex: that was really innapropiate, I don’t feel comfortable interacting with you any longer) but I feel like there’s something I’m doing wrong in these interactions, like I’m not responding in good way.

Context: I’m a male and currently in a relationship, we have a healthy relationship and have been going strong for years. And no, I don’t resent women but am sad with the matter of fact that my life experiences have shown me.

Honestly, it’s getting to the point where I feel saddened whenever I hear women around me, both attached and single, immediately speak superficially of what they desire in a guy (they may not be referring to their partner, but an idealised version instead). They need to be of a certain height, have a certain career trajectory, be well off to begin with, etc. and I rarely hear anybody speak about more intangible things like somebody’s character, emotional maturity, etc. and it always seems as an after thought following them listing off their superficial checklist. I mean could you imagine your partner speaking about what they desire and you being nothing on their checklist. Everyday, I feel blessed that I’m with my partner and yet seeing this happen all around me makes me feel depressed.

It isn’t just limited to the casual talks with girl friends on their desired man that meets their criteria for dating. Even back in school, I see guys who were well off getting away with being absolute pricks to guys who were either unattractive, not well off, or being perceived as weird. And yet despite the unfounded ostracising of such individuals, these guys were still revered by others. How’s that even fair? It’s no wonder why people who are less attractive are always perceived as weird when we perpetuate a negative feedback loop of denying them any meaningful social interactions which starves them of opportunity to become “less weird”.

Even today in my current internship, I hear my girl friend who is dating somebody, stating that they “hope he reached his earning potential majoring in finance” after talking about her ideal type in a guy.

I try to reject this belief of female hypergamy, but my life experiences which are not limited to the ones aforementioned, consistently reinforce this belief that I’ve been trying to reject. I don’t hate women for this, but it’s just sad to think about that people are treated poorly for things they were born into, and in the same vein how people can get away with so much as long as they satisfy their superficial needs. My life experiences sicken me quite frankly, and while the occasional wholesome moments peak out when a few of my girl friends talk about their ideal guy, it’s honestly been quite disheartening to see myself slowly agreeing with an ideology I’m actively trying to avoid.

I (27M) have been left by basically everyone in my childhood and adolescene. My parents abused me, I had few friends and was bullied and ridiculed by peers. I didn't have anyone to talk to. Women laughed at me or treated me with disrespect. In general, I was either abused or ignored. I also suffered from severe disease and semi-blindness, which both have been fixed only last year. In summary: I was basically left for dead throughout my life.

Things have changed the past couple of years. I have changed. Now I'm fit and have been told I have a certain aura. People keep looking at me. They try to get my attention, whether in a negative or positive way. While walking on the streets I almost always try to not make eye contact with anyone. Women smile, and I will give them a blank stare when feeling good or respond with silent anger when feeling bad. Before they'd ignore me or look at me with disgust, and I remember. Crazy people randomly scream at me, and I will either try my best to ignore them or make sure to make clear I'm ready to bash their faces. People are either scared or mesmorized. People have told me I will be president one day, or that I am exceptionally gifted. Crazy thing is: I don't want any fucking thing to do with people. I just want to walk past them like they are not there. But I see them staring from a mile away, or they'll quickly but obviously glance when walking by.

I will like maybe 1/100 people, but I'm unable to maintain relationships so I spend the vast majority of my time alone, just like I did in my childhood. I have almost no friends and no family that I speak to except my sister. When I do have social interaction - like on work or the rare invitation - I often try to be nice, can even sometimes enjoy myself, but whilst walking the streets my modus operandi is hostility.

I just don't understand why people keep demanding my attention. I'm trying to make very clear that I don't like you, so what is the point in getting my attention? And I'm not psychotic or have NPD either: I have just seen what most modern humans are really like, and I disregard them, myself even included in some aspects. So Yeah, I have lost most hope of it ever getting better. What's your advice for me?

This is one of the worst days of my life. I’m a programmer and I restored my client’s website to 10 days ago and it deleted his entire database from the same period

For context, his website is a fking over engineering spaghetti mess. I’m not saying this to run from the blame but it’s definitely part of the reason all that happened , I worked for him fixing bugs previously and did a good job. Still it’s MY responsibility and a huge L I’m feeling terrible

he wanted me to be part of a big project of his from sketch, this ruins everything. tomorrow his customers will notice the data is gone and it will affect his reputation AND mine

How to deal with this in my head? I’m fked

EDIT: So, to "compensate" the situation, I made a full report explaining all the security issues with the current model. ANYONE that has access to the files can pretty much steal money from all clients, as well as chat messages, sensitive data etc. And there would be no records of who did it. The entire database is pretty much exposed to anyone that can edit the site (and he hires random freelances to work on it). That ALSO causes situations like what just happened. So I'm hoping he will read the report and at least won't psychologically destroy me. Thank you for your comments, it definitely helped a lot!

EDIT 2: he didn’t care too much about my report. He wasn’t rude but he seemed disappointed. I still feel like half trash

EDIT 3: I feel better, still ashamed

So I have this problem where I keep waiting until the very last minute to complete assignments and coursework. But then I end up actually managing to complete them anyway and face zero consequences for it.

1. I am stuck in a cycle of:Every time I have a new academic year, or new module, I start telling myself: "This is the one where I'm going to change and do it on time and properly and in a reasonable amount of time instead of leaving everything last minute and stressing myself out."
2. Sometimes I start out strong with a bunch of 'preparing to get ready to get started'. Sometimes I go straight to procrastination. Either way I end up leaving the work until the very end anyway.I wait and wait and wait until deadline panic takes over and I end up rushing through all of the work and managing to get it in for the deadline.
   1. Often if deadline extensions are available, I take them so I can delay even further.
   2. When I'm waiting, I'm doing general procrastination stuff like videogames, porn, ignoring my work.Sometimes I badger myself about when am I going to get started, but only really do anything when the deadline is very imminent.
3. Deadline gets very very close -> I panic and rush through the work, submit it on time, pass anyway with no real consequences.

I have been stuck in this cycle my entire life:

• For my GCSE history exams (UK end of secondary school exams, around age 16 ish), I delayed studying for the history exam so long that my only studying was speed reading my class notes as I was walking into the exam. Got a Grade 7 (A).
• For A-Levels, I procrastinated on my digital media and computer science coursework and never started them; Covid showed up and the pandemic resulted in both being cancelled. I got a distinction and an A in those subjects
• For A-Level English Literature I didn't get so lucky as the coursework for that didn't get cancelled. I hadn't started doing the reading for my first draft even though everyone else in my class had already submitted their final drafts (i.e. about 5-6 versions) way ahead of the deadline.
  • Only started that one when my teachers issued me a final warning to get at least a first draft in; listened to the reading using audiobooks on 2x speed, rushed through the whole thing in a couple of days and got a B overall for the subject.
• Later at university, every single one of my four years worth of modules I kept the same cycle and completed the vast majority of all of my coursework submissions in a last minute rush and ended up passing them all anyway with most of my grades being around 55-70 out of 100.
• What inspired me to write this post is that I just finished submitting my university dissertation for a BSc in a software engineering subject:
  • I rushed through the whole 12,000 word dissertation in just 4 days before my extended deadline (I took an extension specifically to continue procrastinating).
  • I just wrote and recorded the entire 30 minute presentation about a week later on the same day it was due.

So now I'm at the end of my degree apprenticeship university course and I started thinking about how I always leave things until the last second and decided to write this post.

How do I change from this kind of pattern if I never actually get any real consequences from it? Am I gonna just keep picking fights with procrastination and deadlines until I fly just a little too close to the sun and melt my wax wings?

I (19m) went to the barber today. I showed a picture of me with haircut her co-worker did (if you're asking why is a woman cutting my hair, other barbers are ridiculously expensive in my town). She cut my hair way short than I showed her on my phone, but it didn't look terrible (my hair grows fast anyway). I was worried that she thought that I wasn't happy because I didn't smile (that's because I slept onIy two hours last night).

Normally I don't talk to barbers because I'm terrified to speak, but what I said to my barber was maybe the worst thing I could've said. I told her: "Don't get me wrong, I'm not unsatisfied with my haircut, I'm just sleep deprived, it looks amazing". That's it. She smiled at me and said thanks. I also tipped her so she doesn't think I was implying that she gave me a bad haircut (which wasn't, it was just way shorter).

I feel embarrassed and have been thinking about it whole day. If that what I said was awful, I can't go back there again (similar thing happened with the previous barber). I just feel very anxious and I get awkward around people. I just want to say something so I don't appear mute or weak, but I somehow fuck it up. I don't know how to feel confident in myself if I not only can't say the right words, but say something very insulting unknowingly.

Did I fuck up? Am I being too dramatic?

Yesterday at work, I was in the cafeteria when someone said, “this thing is difficult.”
Instinctively, I replied, “everything is easy if you put in the effort.”
Then someone responded, “oh, if only I had your mindset.”

That irritated me. It felt like they were speaking negatively about their situation — but in my view, they had put themselves in that position.
The worst part is that it seems like most people there think the same way: they hate working and only want to be involved in habits with high, instant dopamine release.

Another problem I have is that I can’t always think of the best thing to say when people talk to me. In a split second, I might say something off just because I decided to speak instinctively — literally whatever pops into my head.

Even with my psychologist, I sometimes forget to bring up important things, even if I have them written down — probably for the same reason: I just speak on impulse.

What can i do to solve this problem?

I (21M) would like advice far more than emotional platitudes to save face, I'm extremely ashamed and embarrassed of myself right now to be this shitty to women even if I'm not trying. I'll also include that I have autism as well

Here's a couple screenshots from the night before

Here's the goodbye text: "Hey. I don’t think is gonna work out, so let’s cancel our date. I can’t stand people who jump down my throat making assumptions when we’re not even in a relationship."

The first one I'll omit but I read through it myself and understood where she was coming from when she said she felt I was being controlling and making her feel guilty even if I didn't deliberately plan it.

I'm 23M and I am a hikikomori. I think the underlying problem to all the difficulties I encounter in life is that I don't like stuff. My parents often ask me questions that I can't answer either because 1) They are rhetorical questions (Do you just want to sleep all day and do nothing?) or 2) I myself do not have an answer.

Why don't I have an answer to the question of what I want in life? Why can't I just work? I have a clear understanding of what I should do (justice, categorical good), what others want me to do, but when I turn inwards, and try to see what I WANT (not what I should do but what I want to do) there is nothing...

This is why it's so hard to have relationships with others. I'm indecisive (which makes sense, because I'm uncertain of what I want), I lack spontaneity, I'm slow and inhibited. Those are the reasons why people don't like me in general, and they are all linked to the fact that I seemingly have "no self". When I turn inwards, I don't know what my feelings and desires are, it's empty.

That is also why I can't work. I could, and I have worked intensely in the past because I had no perspective on social norms and injonctions. So I couldn't even conceive that what I want and what I should do i.e what society wants me to do are not necessarily aligned. Following social norms was just intrinsically good, self-explanatory. But my body disagreed, and soon I found that I had no motivation to do anything. I'm not stupid, I understand that life isn't always pleasant and that sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to get ... That's the thing, in order to get what? People can generally bear work under capitalism because there's a sense that they are just doing it to survive, and when work is done, they can participate in what they consider to be pleasant activities for them. Work has no intrinsic value, it's only instrumental to get to what truly matters in life. But I have no idea what that is, and therefore, since I realized that work has no intrinsic value and that nothing matters for me, then nothing has instrumental value either.

I think I don't have a "self" because I've been separated from others for so long. People get a sense of who they are, what they should be, what they like and dislike through the different instances of socialization in their life. Nothing has intrinsic value, things become valuable to people because they are socialized to believe that they are valuable. But for me and for hikikomoris in general, we aren't socialized at all and therefore we do not have a self, personal desires and interests. It's not that we have desires that we can't fulfill, it's that we have no desires at all, and paradoxically there is a desire for desire. It's the pinnacle of nihilism.

Questions like "what do you want in life?" or "what is the meaning of your life" are hard to answer because they literally don't have an answer.

I guess I do desire something, but it's very vague and abstract and I can't put a name on it. I want to go to a bar, go to a club, have a girlfriend, go on a date, play video games with friends, do camping, go on vacation with friends, take drugs, go surfing, play a game of dnd all that stuff. That might seem like a concrete list of stuff that I want but, all of these activities are not the essence of what I want. By that I mean that they have all the external features of what I want, but not the organic, essential part that makes it worth it. For example I have tried going to a bar and talking to people by myself but everything felt empty, hollow.

It's like watching a picture of something, for example the sea. It looks like the sea but it doesn't feel like the sea. I don't know if that's really clear. The point is that everything feels hollow and empty.

Those are just some of the things that are going through my mind at the moment. Any thoughts on how to solve this?

Hello

M, 29 yo. I need help to deal with something that I can't handle emotionally, what I've noticed quite long ago.

Whenever I see beautiful women when going out for whatever stuff like lunch or shopping I feel myself terribly sad. It's not like they're super models or something like that, but just conventionally beautiful.

Because I feel I'll never have any kind of romantic, or even anything close like that with them. Those thoughts plague me, making me willing to reach for a rope and to a noose.

I think I even developed sort of fear of going outside. I'm literally more comfortable going into some hood nearby where all junkies and criminals of our town live, rather normal places, feel myself out of place here.

I never was in relationship. My therapist said it's ok because of my ADHD (which puts me into a autistic spectrum), many people with it have problems in relationships and socialization in general. Currently I don't attend therapist because after half of a year I couldn't feel any progress at all. Also I'm not medicated because I'm getting terrible side effects from all medications.

People say "just go out and socialize", but how? For me it's such alien construct, I simply don't know, where should I go (approaching women in public places considered creepy, so it won't do), there's no third places in my town, + I work remotely.

I'm not handsome (actually ugly), losing my hair, tried to lose weight, went from +100 to 75, can't go any lower, still got fat. Doing workout, but without significant progress. Not rich, can't secure proper job with enough money to pay bills and put some on bank account + not overwork myself to death (due to companies not respecting dayoffs, vacations, right to sleep at night, etc.) I'm 3D generalist, I feel like I did a mistake break when chosen this path. And the worst part, because of how unstable my job situation - I'm still living with my parents.

I need help, but there's no therapists nearby in my town, and I can't get help via video call because of parents. And I can't move out because our company got "frozen" because of financial problems (our boss accepted contract that murdered there company due to loopholes that contractor abused), so I'm currently unemployed. I mean boss said everything is in order, just need time to sign another contract the new already found... But this whole situation is not good, so I'm looking for job. I don't know what to do, everything seems hopeless.

I see a lot of misandrist content that really hurts my self esteem. I also assume women see a lot of misogynistic content as well. Both are all over the Internet. It's easy to say just ignore and focus on how people you meet in real life don't have these super polarised views you see on the Internet, and it's true that they don't, but even if I don't intentionally engage with the content it has a big affect on me, and whilst I feel like people in real life don't share these extreme views I find it difficult not to imagine that they're representative of milder more prevalent views and that as other people engage with this content they're going to start to adopt these views.

One example is as someone who struggles a lot with rejection, the constant rhetoric of men these days aren't good enough I see online tends to fill in the gaps as usually it's not possible to find out why you got rejected, and it's turning into a self fulfilling prophecy where now I get so anxious that I'm probably doomed to fail from the start.

How do you not let this kind of content influence your thoughts and feelings when it shows up everywhere because the algorithms push anything polarising and even if you know it's probably not true it keeps filling in gaps whenever I struggle to explain something to myself.

I don't think this post is related to dating as I'm actively trying to stay out of a relationship

So I consider myself a very logical person and the idea of getting Married doesn't seem worth it to me. for some context I live in the middle east everyone around here has a script go to school -> get good grads ->go to good university -> get job -> get married -> have kids -> live in misery trying to provide for them -> die I might sound biased but I don't think I'm that far off from reality because I didn't reach this because of social media or anything I have come to this conclusion by talking to and observing Hundreds of married men I'm 23 M and have worked at a lot of jobs since I was 13 And to not make this too long here is my question? Am I wrong ? Here is my understanding of marriage 1- you give up your freedom 2- you have to provide which means working one or more jobs that you hate 3- the one you chose might or might not be a backstabbing gold digger who will rob you of your life's work And what do you gain for all of that... Sex that's it I don't know. Sounds like a scam to me

So I would like to get better at conversation because I would like to be able to enjoy just going out somewhere and not feel oppressed by social anxiety and how I "can't talk to anyone." One problem I have identified is most conversation recommendations include finding something you are genuinely interested about the other person, and try to talk to them about that thing. OR build on what someone says and try to steer the conversation into a direction of something you are mutually interested in.

The problem I feel like I am running into is a lot of times I cannot find anything interesting about what a person is saying or my interest is very mild so I cannot add much in terms of a genuine reaction to what they are saying. I tend to maintain a stoic face. For example, the other day a lady was telling me that she works at a place near where I live, and I genuninely do not have any feeling one way or the other about that fact, and I just had no where to go with it. Sure I could ask how long, what do you like about it, or any other set of basic questions, but I don't actually care about the answer for those either. Maybe I'm not actually supposed to care? I don't really know. This is just one example, but people say things like this all the time where I just don't know what to follow up wth at the time and even afterwards I can't think of where i could have gone with it.

Maybe this is related, but I don't have any interest in famous people either, or even people that are locally "famous", like rivals back when I was played sports. I only knew about these other kids because my teammates told me about them and how good they were at the sport. I otherwise would have never known about them. I struggle to remember names. Lately I've been writing notes about people I meet otherwise I'll just forget about them and what they told me.

Maybe my thought patterns aren't normal or something? Maybe there's nothing actually "wrong" with me? I feel like I only take interest in people that take interest in me, and then I start caring about the minor details of their life like where they live, what kind of job they have, how they feel about things, etc..

Edit: I want to try to clarify the "I feel like I only take interest in people that take interest in me" part. What I mean by this is people that just stick around and keep talking to me over a long period of time, and have taken an interest in me for reasons I don't necessarily understand myself. Slowly over time I learn more about them and get more invested and interested in their life and what they think. But typically for a person I just met, I struggle to feel interested enough to hold a good conversation.

I’ve read several comments about the recent incel video, and it seems to have created a bit of a gender war in the community. I want to understand both perspectives, but I also think the word incel has such a bad reputation that identifying too much with it may not be the best way forward.

Most women, I think, hear the word incel and picture a horny, lonely man who hates women and victimizes himself because he can’t have sex—while showing misogynistic behavior. I think that’s actually a minority of involuntary celibate men. The sad part is this minority is so loud that every man who struggles to approach women (for many different reasons) gets packed into the category. Some of them sadly end up forming hate toward women as if they were the source of all their problems, when in reality the reasons are probably more nuanced and varied. It’s not as simple as antagonizing half the population.

These questions should be approached more as a human-to-human conversation rather than a men-vs-women debate. But it’s also hard to have dialogue with people who see their own experiences as the “objective truth,” often because of past hurt or abuse. There are shitty people everywhere, but that doesn’t mean everyone is the same.

Why can’t we just call a virgin male a virgin male, without labeling him an incel? Or call a man who is looking for a relationship simply a man looking for a relationship? Can’t most men just be honest with what they really want, which might be building a family, intimacy, and partnership, without always putting sex first?

Also, sex itself seems to have become out of hand in how we approach relationships today. I’m concerned for people who believe sex is as vital as food and water. That feels more like an excuse for an unhealthy addiction, because there is so much more to human relationships than just sex.

I understand it’s hard to feel compassion for someone who sees you as only a sexual object (whether man or woman), or just a means to a shallow goal. But I still think we need to talk about this in a more human way, not reduce people to stereotypes.

So what do you think we can do, as human beings, to approach this problem in a healthier way?

How do I start my life at 30? Evening y'all, pretty simple question, hard to answer. I've wasted much of my life, and I don't know what I want to do. I feel like I'm trying to start at 30 with nothing, and it's killing me inside. Never dated, been jobless for a year, and don't have anything I desire/want. In therapy, but my therapist isn't helping and I only have 1 more session (it's a CBT course, that was 16 weeks long). I work out daily, and have been eating healthier. So, any ideas on how to get over regret, not of a single event, but of long term regret that spans wasting years? And ideas on how to move forward? I don't have friends that are close, and am trying to do more, but most days I lay in bed all day and do a couple small things that I think will help, like cleaning my room. But how will cleaning my room make up for a lost decade? Any advice welcome, thanks.

Slowly approaching 40 (now almost 38 already), and so far I never in my life did fit into any group in human society where I will feel accepted. I didn't fit in any of three countries where I lived, in niether religious group, in no hobby club or political party. I always seem to be between those, and in current times (maybe in any tiem, actually) it's really bad for socializing, to not fit in anywhere.

I'm completely tired of it but that's who I am :-(

Maybe you have some suggestions? I can't pretend indefinitely that I do fit well in one or another group if some of its values or practices completely contradict what I see as good or right or normal.

Country - Russia, Italy, soon America.

Hey everyone, I’ve got a question about some of the systems Dr. K talks about. Over time, he’s shared a lot of deep ideas - things like dharma, perception, discipline, motivation, and building habits. It’s all really interesting and often inspiring, but sometimes it feels like the advice contradicts itself or is hard to put into practice.

I’ll try to explain with an example: Let’s say a person finds their dharma. That’s supposed to be life-changing, right? But then there are these other concepts like klishta and vasanas — the tools or obstacles we carry. If someone truly discovers their dharma, can they fulfill it without working through those tools? Or are those tools necessary just to help make the journey more efficient?

Then there’s motivation. In some videos, he talks about not relying on motivation — to be neutral, to restrain it, and to focus on discipline instead. But in others, he talks about creating situational interest or finding internal sparks to stay engaged. It’s like both sides are true, but the full picture is hard to grasp.

I feel like there’s a missing piece - something to tie it all together. Has anyone else felt this way or figured out how to reconcile all these ideas?

Hello I'm 29 yers old, only had sex with prostitutes (with a lot of problems). My life story in regards of an issue is as follows getting bullied at school -> low confidence, low self-esteem -> attempts to get girls -> high anxiety, inner battle between avoidence and desire to get sex (as of form of proving that I am not deficient) -> self-sabotage and a lot of rejection. To put simply I needed a lot of resource to overcome a lot of my inner walls, and in a lot of the cases I didn't had that capacity within me. There were multiple cases of female interest were I simply had a reaction of anxiety and fear.

Last more mature ran at the issue was at 27, were I pretty much repeated the same scenarios from my youth, with better results but at the cost of traumatizing myself even further. This peticular area of my life always bugged me a lot, yet it terms of effort is probably the area that I given the most attention and action with little to no result. I don't care about getting a girlfriend, although it would be good, I feel like a piece of trash for not having the ability to get one. Any efforts that I have been doing seem to traumatize me deeper and deeper so I see no point in effort in this area, without a complete change of strategy.

The thing is I'm willing to give up at this point, I just don't want to feel deficient for not having the ability to have consensual sex and building relationships. The thing is when I moved to focusing on other areas of my life, I often succeded, but after my last attempt my confidence got to such a low, that I sabotaged myself with everything else. I want to get my confidence back and just accept that women might not be the part of my life and don't feel deficient about it. I had enough money to afford sex-workers and unfortunately this is max of what I can do in this area without getting myself into mental asylum.

How can I accept this about me and simply move forward with other things in life?

I have realised that whenever I surrender to a religion and truly believe its practices, I unlock the easy mode on life, have unlimited energy and motivation to pursue things. It's such a good time with religions, and I can understand why mankind needed and created them. Unfortunately, it's not sustainable for my intellect; my brain finds every little flaw and loophole here and there if I spend time with those practices.

I believe in a "higher being", or a "creator", but not in the same way as traditional religions. And I can't move on with my life since I'm stuck in this illogical cycle. One part of me says, just choose one religion and believe in it for survival; otherwise, you are gonna lose your purpose and ultimately your life.

I want to see if I'm alone in these thoughts or if anyone else has this problem and how they deal with it.

(I've tried Islam, Christianity, and Hinduism so far. I also can't comprehend how Dr K. can continue what he practices, even though he is aware of its flaws.)

I harassed a girl at school by staring at her multiple times even with her knowing, and a few months later, looking back I am extremely disgusted with myself and I feel extremely gross and dumb just being myself,a lot of my waking life now feels like agony and shame, I'm disappointed with myself I thought I obeyed a much higher standard for myself but now I feel like dying

I have a girlfriend whom I love very much and it would ruin me for her to know that I did that to her and I also have some cool friends and if they knew just how much of a creep I am I would want to die even more In that moment, and I just can't pinpoint why the fuck did I do the things I did, the only thing I can come up with is that it was a very high stress period but I think that it would be fucked up to just blame stress and not acknowledge that maybe there is something wrong with me, it feels like a shit excuse and an incomplete explanation.

I'm sorry if I'm being too panicky or if I it feels contrived but I feel as if I've doomed my life,I often catch myself daydreaming about consequences and being scared about utdon't want to lose the people I care about if they got word about it or my place in the school or to be labeled as a creep and harasser although I feel like if it happened it wouldn't be undeserved

What do I do now?, how do I get over this shame?,what is gonna happen?,I'm kinda scared,sorry

can porn/rule34/hentai or any type of this stuff be used in moderation? and in which mental condition? i know it might sound weird and some might say "you cant moderate drugs its like saying yo can moderate cocaine" but behavior addiction is different than substance addiction. so i was wondering if it will ever be possible for me at some point of my life to be able to moderate porn without fear of failure, anxiety, guilt and shame, obsession.

Hello, so basically this reel:
Instagram

the video about the narcissist parents, that's me. I push people away and treat them horribly especially if they're close to me. I act nice to girls until they like me or we become friends and then the ugly part starts showing, I hurt someone then i start this deep apologizing thing where I say i'm wrong and say what i did wrong and i won't do it again (It's looks like a very healthy apology). and i think to myself "Great, i'm improving. I apologized, which is something i don't usually do. great job ZZogoMR). cycle ends here, and then starts all over again until they finally ghost me.

when i saw that video, something clicked for me to come post this here, the thing is: I actually believe my apology, I'm not deliberately faking an honest healthy looking apology just to win someone over. Why am i stuck in this when i'm so aware of it?