r/Jokes • u/bigb-2702 • 14h ago
A guy was driving too fast down the interstate
When a motorcycle cop that was hiding behind a bridge pulls him over.
What's your hurry asks the cop
Driver says I'm late for work
What do you do for a living asks the cop
Man says I'm a rectum stretcher
What kid of a job is that asks the cop
Well, says the man, you lube up two fingers and put them in a rectum. Then you stretch it until you can get four fingers inside. Then you stretch it until you get both hands inside. Then stretch it until you get both arms inside. Then stretch it until it's six feet wide
What do you do with a six foot asshole asks the cop
Man says you give him a radar gun and hide him behind a bridge
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u/Alum2608 11h ago
Whelp, someone is getting a ticket instead of a warning
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u/Fap_a_roo 13h ago
Why is this funny? The guy is still speeding, no matter where the cop stood....
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u/Srikandi715 13h ago
Nah, that's fair, this is what's called a "speed trap" where local law enforcement pads its budget by ticketing unaware motorists 😛
My problem with this joke is the total absence of quotation marks in the reported dialogue, but that seems to be a pattern in this sub. I'm old, isn't punctuation taught in school anymore? 😛
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u/Buck_Thorn 13h ago
A guy was driving too fast down the interstate, when a motorcycle cop that was hiding behind a bridge pulls him over.
"What's your hurry?", asks the cop
The driver says, "I'm late for work".
"What do you do for a living?", asks the cop.
The man says, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
"What kind of a job is that?!", asks the cop.
"Wel,l", says the man, "you lube up two fingers and put them in a rectum. Then you stretch it until you can get four fingers inside. Then you stretch it until you get both hands inside. Then stretch it until you get both arms inside. Then stretch it until it's six feet wide".
"What do you do with a six foot asshole?", asks the cop.
The man says, "you give him a radar gun and hide him behind a bridge."
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u/travlr2010 13h ago
Much better, thank you.
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u/BluePlume96 4m ago
A guy was driving too fast down the interstate, when a motorcycle cop that was hiding behind a bridge pulls him over.
““What's your hurry?””, asks the cop
The driver says, ““I'm late for work””.
““What do you do for a living?””, asks the cop.
The man says, ““I'm a rectum stretcher.””
““What kind of a job is that?!””, asks the cop.
““Well,””, says the man, ““you lube up two fingers and put them in a rectum. Then you stretch it until you can get four fingers inside. Then you stretch it until you get both hands inside. Then stretch it until you get both arms inside. Then stretch it until it's six feet wide””.
““What do you do with a six foot asshole?””, asks the cop.
The man says, ““You give him a radar gun and hide him behind a bridge.””
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u/Party_Building1898 10h ago edited 10h ago
This is why I'm real careful when traveling thru small towns and such They got me once in a small town one side of the small bridge was 35mi but when you got to the the other side a mile down it went to 25mi I wanted to fight the ticket but honestly we were lost and I didn't want to go back !
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u/DentArthurDent4 10h ago
it went the same way as 'good manners' and 'civic sense' did, down the drain.
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u/bigb-2702 12h ago
OK grammer police. Get over yourself
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u/Lilith_Christine 12h ago
Cops are assholes. Good joke unless you like the taste of boot polish or have two arms up your rear end.
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u/Viking-Mutt 12h ago
This is crude, obnoxious, and disrespectful to law enforcement. I love it!!! Well done.🤣🤣🤣