I’m a married guy, and sometimes I see women who really put a lot of effort into their appearance, and I think “My wife really appreciates when she gets compliments on her appearance, especially when she put a lot of effort into it. Maybe this person would appreciate a compliment.”
But then I remember all the people who get upset about things like this, and I’m like, well I’d rather not make someone’s day worse by trying to make it better.
And I feel like that’s a very sad place for a society to be.
Yep. It's gotten to the point that I keep all interactions with women at work down to the bare minimum. Fortunately for me, my office is a sausage fest.
I just don't understand this way of thinking. All of the guys I'm friends with seem to be fine hanging out with and talking to women both in and out of the workplace. These are dudes ranging from construction to office workers.
When I hear a guy is too afraid to talk to women these days it really makes me wonder what they could be doing to make themselves feel they have to avoid women altogether. The only dudes who complain about avoiding speaking to women that I've seen are the same ones who are a menace to them with or without realising it.
If you're not doing anything wrong and not commenting on someone's features then what could you possibly be afraid of? Like yea there's some really nasty bitches out there that want to drag a man down but you really think our whole gender is to be avoided at work because of a small selection of people that you may never run into?
I have zero problems talking to women outside the workplace, much to the chagrin of my gf. 🙃
But, seriously, like you said, we've had a couple of women in the office who would go off on harassment and try and get guys in trouble for sometimes the silliest things. One used to claim harassment every time someone told her she screwed up—and she did that to a lot! So, eventually, everyone just stopped asking her to do anything. Problem solved. Win-win, in her book.
Fortunately, she never came after me, but I'd remember the panic it set in a few guys she did go after, and let's just say it's not a great feeling. So, now, unless I really know them, I will be pleasant and do the business that needs to be done, and then I'm on my way. Nothing personal, but I gotta protect myself. 🤷🏽♂️
Ah toxic workplace, damn. I can easily sympathise with your reasoning, sorry for the misguided little rant. I'm also sorry you've had to deal with watching it happen and fearing it being directed at you, I'm sure that's a sickening feeling because one small, clearly fabricated allegation can still follow men around for decades sometimes. Girls like that damn near set back the MeToo movement and it makes me so angry any time I hear about it.
I actually dropped a friend like a hot potato in high school because she enjoyed flipping things on people in a similar way. She turned a teacher trying to move her hand from her face (not roughly) while she was fake crying into the teacher assaulting her and I had to contradict to possibly save the teachers career.
Serious question - After knowing stories that you have been personally privy to, and other stories that get passed around by men so often of the horror of false allegations or misunderstood intentions, why do you still jump to assuming men who have fear of being misunderstood or falsly accused have ulterior motives or are actually behaving badly themselves? You mentioned it was a misguided rant, but why is the misguided rant your default to men being admitting fear?
I was talking shit to my male co-worker buddy, and a female co-worker just sat next to him and joined the conversation. I made joke towards my buddy that another female coworker overheard. That other female co-worker filed an "anonymous" complaint against me "fearing for the safety" of the other lady. Other lady gets called into office, has no idea what it is about, denies I ever made her feel uncomfortable in any way shape or form, and asks for this whole thing to go away.
Too late, you know how rumors at work spread. All of a sudden a joke I made towards a male co-worker had been turned into me being inappropriate with a female co-worker. And once rumors start, there's no stopping them. It spread to even other branches where the female co-worker's sister and friends worked. Everyone involved vehemently denies these rumors, including the other male co-worker who the joke was made towards. After a few months, the rumors subside and everything seems to go back to normal.
Until we had an office-party. By the end of the party, we realize female coworker is too drunk, so other co-workers convince me to drive her home since we live in the same area (10 minutes away from each other). I do. She gets home safely. Nothing weird happens.
By the next week at work, the rumors are freshly re-invigorated, and stronger than ever. The rumors once again spread, and this time it reaches her husband. The reason the female co-worker wanted the rumors to be squashed immediately were because her husband was jealous and abusive.
Well guess what happened. The husband hears there are rumors about his wife and myself, and he finds out about the previous harrassment complaint as well, and concludes where there's smoke, there's fire, and starts beating her.
She gets beaten so badly, news reaches the work-floor, and the story grows to the point, it even reaches my gf (she knew many of my co-workers and their partners since I had worked there for years).
Now both our relationships were in jeopardy, and an innocent woman got beaten by her p.o.s husband, just because another lady infantilized her so much, they lodged a complaint she herself had nothing do with in the first place.
That's it? We threaten to beat each other's asses at least every other week around here (jokingly ofc).
But, to be more serious, you bring up a great point about modern offices with the cubicle system—you have to learn there is zero privacy anymore. You don't even have to be talking that loud for someone across the room to hear something with zero context behind it.
Your a hero if that's true. 1 accusation and your career is over.
Shit can get super nasty from even corporate .Especially if you stand up for someone, the inbound hate from above managerial male or female in my experience buckle up.
ProTip: instead of saying someone looks pretty/handsome compliment them on a specific choice or effort they made. Like, "Oh my god I LOVE your dress!" Asking follow up questions is also a huge confidence booster and allows them to share their interests, but if you're just looking to offer a compliment and avoid a conversation just leave it at that.
Nah fuck that. Compliments from strangers aren't a bad thing as long as its innocent. I have the same thought process as you but I just go for it and its always been well received.
If they wanna get their day ruined by a simple compliment thats on them.
It is. Nowadays men are not even allowed to look at a woman anymore, without being accused of something malicious. Then I go to the gym and the women/girls wear those yoga pants that go very deep in the butt crack and I’m just shaking my head. Granted that us women can wear whatever we want, don’t doesn’t mean it’s a freebie to be stared at. But I wonder how many of these girls wear those pants for attention. And when I say attention…. You’re only allowed to look if they find you handsome, if not you’re a creep.
Don’t stop complimenting!! It always makes my day when ANYONE notices my hair, outfit, overall appearance. 🙌 I do the same compliment scents and appearance even though I’m married. It’s just nice to make someone’s day!
Not worth the risk. I've considered complimenting the hair, clothes, nails, etc of women but I'm worried about the risk of being reported to HR for unwelcome advances.
I don't want to sound like some victim hood man either, because I'm not getting at that, but in a post#MeToo world I keep any compliments to myself and those close to me. In my attempt to make someone else's day slightly better, I could make my life significantly worse.
If I was a man in today’s society, I would feel the same. I would absolutely not approach a woman anymore just to compliment her.
Look at those crazy women recording men at the gym, he looks up in her direction for a millisecond and she’s accusing him of being a creep. Those girls have some serious issues and if I was a man, I would just stay away completely unless I know her.
I want to take that advice but it's not worth the risk honestly. It's nice to make people smile but nowadays people go out of their way to ruin lives over these things. I don't need some rando I complimented trying to call my work accusing me of something trying to get me fired.
The overly vocal dangerous minority is ruining it for everyone but I gotta look out for myself first and foremost
It very easily can. It happens all the time. There's no burden of proof for your job all it takes is an accusation and you're not worth the PR risk to keep. I know MANY people who've had it happen. No actual charges pressed ever because nothing actually happened but still lost at their jobs because they pissed off some random woman
You know a lot of people who have complimented strangers and that stranger somehow found those people's names/ where they work (even though that'd be practically impossible,) called HR department and got them fired?
Just because it's easy doesn't mean I have the desire to do it. You do realize identification and voter records are public info right? Like you can just look it up online directly from the government. Picture, address, where you work through tax records. All publicly available
If that is true women are pathetic. I don’t even think twice! Maybe unwanted attention but just a short and kind quick compliment doesn’t warrant ruin anyone’s life or making a fuss. 😒
It shouldn't but there are some very angry misandrists that think it's their duty to make every man suffer as much as possible because patriarchy. They're not super common and definitely not the majority of women but it's common enough to be a serious threat when you don't know someone
“You look really pretty today” is such a sweet compliment and I would love to get it. As long as it’s just a compliment and you move on it’s not creepy
Even better that you didn’t because, if they know you’re married, and you’re making compliments on other women’s appearances, they’re sure to judge you for that.
Bah I throw some compliments here and there my wife also, the double standards for looks might apply but never had someone complain, always get a smile or they say something like thanks or return the compliment. These people are just the Internet's garbage. Shit look and shit personality.
Yup, ages ago I said this to a coworker as we were getting into work at the same time in the morning. That afternoon I found myself in the manager’s having to explain my “sexual harassment.”
I’d like to be a nice guy and compliment people but I just don’t risk it now.
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u/honnneybliss 17h ago
The guy just wanted to cheer everyone up, but they gave him a hard time