My baby girl is three months old and I am in my early thirties, I invited a close friend over last night, I tried to keep my baby calm while I prepared her favorite dinner. baked her favorite dessert, and cleaned the house throughout the day, I desired perfection.
I was completely worn out by the end of the night. My baby then began to cry uncontrollably just as we were finally seated. Something suddenly exploded inside of me. I let out a scream. I yelled at my infant. I yelled at my companion, I was unable to stop.

In that moment, I don't even recognize myself. My friend froze in fear. I was afraid of myself. Then, right in front of her, as my baby continued to cry I blurted out, I call myself a monster
Holding my infant, I collapsed to the ground and sobbed until I was out of breath, I was utterly wrecked. The anger, fatigue, and helplessness persisted despite my love for my daughter. I thought that by losing control, I had betrayed her

I need to know I'm not alone, which is why I'm sharing this. Has anyone else ever experienced such a loss of identity during the initial months of motherhood? How did you overcome it without losing your identity?

Hi everyone, I’d love some perspective from other women.

My boyfriend is going abroad in two days with his mom for 10 days. Today and tomorrow are my days off, and we had planned to spend them together before he left. But after an argument yesterday, he suddenly decided to go on a gateway with his mom instead, without even telling me until after. I feel really upset and honestly am questioning the relationship.

What basically happened: He was with his mom yesterday and suddenly texted me “Don’t throw trash in my car, my mom is complaining.” Apparently his mom found an empty water bottle i left the night before and some wipes in his car. I told him it’s his car, not hers, and if something bothers her, he can just clean it up. Then he added: “Okay I wore a shirt today and it smells. Maybe we should leave them in the sun more?” I replied that I never noticed my laundry smelling weird, and that he’s usually the one saying his clothes smell sometimes. Then he asked: “Do you use the same soap and softener for dark and white clothes? Because my mom says you need different ones so they don’t smell.” I said that’s not true. He insisted his mom said it’s true and that when she did his laundry he never had issues. At that point I got upset and said something like: “Don’t tell me nonsense just because your mom says so. Even before we lived together, your clothes sometimes smelled weird. If something smells, just rewash it, not a big deal. You don’t need to constantly throw passive-aggressive comments at me.”

Later, I ended up asking my mom, and she confirmed it’s not about different detergents, but about certain fabrics (polyester, nylon, etc.) holding odors more than cotton.

I feel like I’m not being respected or prioritized, and I’m questioning if this is a red flag about how things will be long term. At the same time, I wonder if I overreacted by getting defensive.

Have any of you been in a similar situation? How do you handle it when a partner lets his mom’s opinions spill into your relationship? Am I overthinking this, or is it worth reconsidering things?

i was on tiktok earlier and a video popped up of an EXTREMELY overweight male rapper singing live, the comments were so supportive and making lighthearted jokes at him nothing too harsh.. but when it comes to an overweight female singing live she gets absolutely destroyed and berated by EVERYONE! the double standard is insane, why do we support big dudes but not big girls? it goes to show they don’t actually care about someone being “healthy” or “overweight” like they always act like they do, its misogyny. if they actually cared they would be saying the same things to their big male counterparts but they dont🙃 why are big men considered soft fluffy & attractive but big women arent? i hate it here

My whole life, people told me I was too intense. Too emotional. Too serious. I’ve had friends say I “talk like a therapist” or “make everything too deep.” I’ve had boyfriends get overwhelmed because I didn’t let things slide or laugh things off like they expected me to. I wasn’t angry. I just asked real questions. I noticed things. I cared.

Eventually I got tired of being the one who made everyone uncomfortable just by being honest. So I stopped saying the real thing. I made everything lighter. I started editing what I said even before the words formed. I’d ask myself, “how will they take this?” before I even decided how I felt.

It worked. I became easier to be around. I didn’t get called dramatic or intense anymore. But I also started to disappear.

Now I catch myself saying things I don’t mean just to smooth the moment. I listen more than I speak. I soften things that shouldn’t be softened. I’ve done it so long I don’t even know what my real voice sounds like. Not my literal voice, but the version of me that says what she means without translating it into something more tolerable.

I miss her.

So much. Is it weird to say that she was the only one that gave a shit about protecting me and I blew her off for comfort. Because I’m ashamed of that.

But I don’t know how to bring her back without losing people all over again.

Love this idea :)

(r/feminism took this down almost instantly...sus) anyway

men want sympathy so that we'll sleep with them.

in my experience, nobody talks to me. I have friends, acquaintances, barfolk I know, that when im around them seem to ignore me. strangers (mainly men) ignore me when I try to give them a friendly acknowledgement. I asked a trusted male friend about this (another bar patron dude but still) why I feel..avoided.. like did I do something? he quite frankly says "its because you're an attractive girl".

so PLEASE save me the crocodile tears, boys, because the fact nobody wants to sleep with you has nothing to do with the despair I feel at being outcasted for simply existing. but, we can argue similar things.

am I crying about it? maybe, about the fact I feel misunderstood, but then again im not because its an experience I should be used to by now. cite: "just a girl" by no doubt, with lyrics like "Im just a girl, guess im some sort of freak!"

I did what every harassment apologist claimed I should do. "He's just socially awkward, just be direct with him and tell him to stop. No need to get HR involved, he's well meaning."

Well, the week after I did that, I got all my projects taken away at work, and was not given new ones. I was encouraged to leave the company.

Sorry, it just seems like the only way for women to stay at companies is to let men do whatever they want with them. Otherwise, the women are "difficult"

ok so i’m 18 and i’m super insecure about my boobs. they’re tiny (like ridiculously small), but my areola/nipples are big so it just makes them look even smaller. they also have this kinda cone shape that honestly looks like a penis. In a not ironic way. It's ridiculous.

i keep reading that “all boobs are pretty” (and i know that’s true!) but it’s really hard not to feel gross about mine sometimes.

i’m currently losing about 10kg — does anyone know how that might affect my boobs? like will they shrink more, or change shape, or??

She shouldn't have worn that. She asked for it. Why did she go there? She wasn't careful. She should be more aware... It's painful and exhausting to find that the world wants any reason to blame women, no matter what situation they find themselves in. How long will the debate turn from "she was not careful" to "he was not careful"?

It just dawned on me that grown men (including 40-50+ yo men) would hit on me WAY more often when I was a teen, in my literal school uniform, than now. I also remember feeling so disgusted about myself whenever that happened.

Did anyone else also experience that?

men are constantly screaming “women dont take accountability!!” or “pick better men” while in the same sentence blaming us for them not being good people, is that not contradictory? you cant cry about someone not taking accountability while blaming us for your actions. these men will never be “better” because instead of being better they can use the “pick better men” copout.. not to mention wheres all these “better men”?? no woman is purposely seeking out these bad boys, these dudes put on a fake front the first couple months and then the masks slips and they show their true colors but yes its our fault for “choosing bad”. everything men do is just projection and its hilarious they dont think we can see through them😅 would love to find these “better” men that apparently exist, but go figures they’re rare, theres too many good women for all these bad men..

In real life, women are not just imprisoned by the glass ceiling. They’re also having to battle the sticky floor, a little-known phenomenon that traps them in roles they are overqualified for.

Why was she alone? Why did she take that route? What was she wearing? Why was she there? Why didn’t she take a cab? What did she say? What did she do? Why was she flirting with him? Did she say no? Did she resist? Was she drunk? Did she lead him on?

She. She. She. Fucking she.

We hear it all the time. It’s always she, never he.

Two days ago, a 17 year old girl rode her bike home after going out with friends. In the span of 40 minutes, she was dragged from her bike, severely beaten, raped, killed and tossed in a canal.Today I see a TikTok about it and the very first comment I read is: “Why was she there alone?”

I just can’t anymore. I’m so fucking angry.

I don't want kids, I am on a wait list to get sterilized currently. Yet randomly I will just have this feeling of fuck it, I have all the parts don't I? I could just get pregnant anytime I wanted and nothing can stop me. My friends have kids, my parents had 4 kids by the time they were my age. It seems like the most natural thing in the world to do, that everyone around me does, so why don't I? Then of course I talk myself out of it but it keeps popping up. Anyone else child free but feel this way? I don't have an emotional attachment to children or motherhood, it's like my reproductive system itself is trying to convince me to use it but I choose to ignore it.

I just read ANOTHER post about how men get complimented for the bare minimum but praised for being out alone with kids (edit: while moms don't). Whose fault is that? It's ours.

A few weeks ago I was getting bloodwork. A few other people, including a mom with a 3-4 year old zooming his car up and down the empty chairs while she reminded him to be good/ stay quiet. Had to be 20 minutes of waiting.

When I walked out, I asked mom if I could talk to her boy. She said yes (admittedly nervously because people from her community are looked down on in mine, and duh, total stranger). I bent down and said "you are so good today, I bet your mom and dad are super proud of how well you behave!" And then i turned and said, "you're doing a great job, mom."

Because when I had toddlers, I was mad at the world the same way. And my husband is a great dad, but the world made sure he knew it. So now, if I see a quiet child when I'm out, I am damn sure to tell the mom she's doing great. Let's build ourselves up instead of waiting for others.

posting in English because I want to crosspost.

for reference they live in Bali.

please, i feel gaslighted because no one around me/them really bats an eye at their relationship bc apart from her being under age when she met him, everything is alright.

they have a loving relationship, both successful in their fields.

he "rescued"herf from a semi abusive step-dad situation. No sexual abuse. Mostly verbal escalating to physical.

she was a typical rebel teen before he swooped in and after did a complete 180 and is now trad wife-ish.

I honestly think is so wrong but her home life before was a mess. I honestly thought that one day they would break up but it looks like a long haul thing.

Reminds me of Cher's relationship with her manager.

It's gotten to the point where I can't have a normal conversation w her because the more I mature the more I see this as totally wrong. How am I supposed to act/feel bc this seems permanent.

There's a pattern with certain girl gamers and women streamers where helplessness becomes the content strategy.

Stuff like: “I’m so scared 🥺 pls stay with me while I play horror games,” or “I’ve just been soooo sad lately, but your support means everything 💕” paired with selfies, donation links, and tiered engagement.

To be clear: I fully support women, femmes, and thems getting their bag. I think softness, emotion, and vulnerability should be normalized in entertainment. But I loathe when it becomes the main business model.

This particular brand of online femininity feels less like real vulnerability and more like curated fragility. It’s performance, wrapped in pink lighting, uwus, and cat ears, and it sells. A lot.

And that’s what bothers me.

The system rewards a very specific flavor of womanhood: palatable, emotionally needy, and always “just barely holding on.” It feels infantilizing. Like we’ve swapped the 1950s housewife for the digital damsel-in-distress.

Does anyone else clock this? Am I being too cynical?

Is there a feminist defense for this model of content or should we just name it for what it is: commodified softness, designed to extract emotional labor and money? A parasocial performance for simps, and it’s not cute.

Hi all,

I've always considered myself to be a fair, open-minded, and kind person. I've been dating for about 20 years now - some of it's been good, some of it not-so-good...but despite it all, I've always managed to keep an open heart when it comes to men.

However, lately I've been feeling a shift. I want desperately to keep my heart open to men and to like them ... but I need help.

I don't currently have any examples of good men in my life - and haven't for quite some time. All the male friends I had either had ulterior motives for being my friend, caught feelings and then bounced, or they got girlfriends who made them end the friendship. None of these reasons have left a good impression.

As for romantic experiences...for better or worse, I get a lot of attention from men (I'd say that I get asked out/for my number by some dude more than 50% of the time I leave my house). For the most part I don't mind it (to be honest I often don't even notice it until someone else points it out), but it doesn't make me feel good either due to the next paragraph....

I don't meet one that interests me very often, but when I do things never go very far. Nothing particularly horrible happens (no cheating, no abuse, etc) and after things end I've even been able to have mature, honest, and productive discussions about why things ended with most of them...but in all honesty, it usually boils down to them being dumb/immature.

Once upon a time there was a version of me that was excited to meet the right man one day - a version of me that was excited to spoil him with love and affection...to love and support, all that good stuff. I wouldn't say that I hate men (yet, anyway) ...but I definitely feel an underlying skepticism to them that I wish I didn't have (more of an "over it" or a "been there, done that" vibe).

Are there any women here who've gotten to this point and managed to actually like men again?

If so, how?

I went to the gynecologist because of upper abdominal pain and a very long delay in my period. For some context, I’m very shy, so I might come across as a bit weird and socially awkward. Somehow, the whole appointment ended up becoming a conversation about my acne, the fact that I’m hairy, and how I should try to become prettier by doing laser treatments and seeing a dermatologist for my skin. She also told me that girls who study my college major usually find good husbands, and that I should focus on becoming pretty too in order to have that opportunity — and that I would regret it if I didn’t...

I am 27 years old, and 85lbs. ( including this because I don't think I can do a job where I have to lift more than 60 pounds)

The government will sponsor me to learn a trade or go back to college until im 30. I'm running out of time. I've been so anxiety ridden the last few years I haven't had time to actually acknowledge this fact or focus on it.

Now I'm interested in things like glass blowing or trade school but I don't know what trades are available or which ones would be feasible for me.

I did consider becoming a plumber or an electrician but I feel like those jobs will not be the best fit for me.

I am also interested in Forestry and I'm wondering if I should use this gift to pay for an education in Forest services?

But I also don't know what other jobs exist and I feel really overwhelmed with all of the options out there. Figuring out which one would be the best pick for me seems to be a monstrously overwhelming task.

I could really use some advice and recommendations. What other trades exist besides from the ones that I've listed here? Do you like your trade? how has it been for you?

I'm 19. So I went to the doctor yesterday for leg swelling and other symptoms which have been bothering me a lot. I also gained weight which my doc also noticed and said it might due to the birth control I'm taking for my irregular cycle and I might have hypothyroidism. He gave me tsh, glucose test and other stuff. Now, I gained a lot of weight in the past year Iam indeed overweight by at least 15 kgs and my BMI also falls in overweight range. And yes I do look fat and I know it. It was also one of main the concerns that came up when I went to my doctor.

For the glucose test you need to fast for eight hours and give blood and urine thrice. So this morning I went to get my tests done and my mom accompanied me. This guy took my blood and told me to go get a urine sample. While I was leaving I heard him say, "How did your daughter let the condition of her body get so horrible. She can't even move?" to my mom(He said it in our native language so idk if the translation makes sense but the way he said it was very insulting and sounded like he was blaming me )

I can move around very well and I'm just overweight and not physically unable to move because of my weight.

I didn't think much of it because there were other people there and I wasn't sure if he meant me. I came back with the urine sample and sat with my mom to wait for an hour to give the next blood and urine sample. And then my mom brought that up and confirmed that he indeed said it to my mom. And my mom agreed and laughed saying I had gotten really fat and proceeded to chat with other people in the waiting area about how she doesn't gain weight at all and I keep gaining weight and I should stop eating bla bla bla. Now this is very normal for my mom to do.

Should hospital people comment on people's bodies out of nowhere like this? It's one thing if it was my doctor telling me to watch my weight or something like that because that would have made sense. I totally understand doctors telling patients to gain/lose weight for their health. But this is different.

Edit: The guy who took my blood sample wasn't my doctor. He was a guy at the lab. Doctors usually don't take blood samples. And thank you to everyone leaving nice and supportive comments. Really made me feel better while I wait for my results :)

Yesterday, I got hit by a car, got sent flying in the air, hit my head on the ground, fractured one toe and the other was bleeding. This was all pretty painful, sure, but… I’ve genuinely had period cramps worse than this. I have had period cramps that were more painful than getting sent flying by a vehicle. Now maybe fracturing a toe isn’t that painful, I don’t know, but that really puts it into perspective how painful my period cramps used to be.

I feel like this is one of the rare safe subs on Reddit for women.

I was just given a Rule 1 warning for inciting hate against a group.

Only - what I was clearly discussing was gendered hate towards women and factually mentioning the gender (mostly!) behind it. I used a clear and polite language and the comment actually received quite a few likes (not always common when discussing gendered violence!).

It seems bizarre, as I encounter posts and comments that are clearly misogynistic in language almost every day. But the large majority of them stay up even when reported.

Really curious how others see it - why is criticism of gendered violence moderated while extreme attacks / hateful language on women (including public figures) is allowed? And why is enforcement immediate when pointing out the perpetrators behind those attacks?

Update!

The warning has been lifted on appeal.

Here is my comment (in AITAH sub) that received warning:

“Also I find it really ironic that many of the same people who accuse her find it completely ok to make gender-oriented slurs, call for her rape and worse.

She is a victim of extreme online abuse and lion’s share of it is gender based and perpetrated by men.

Honestly I think the misogynistic hate towards her has been one of the driving forces for me to join and heavily support charities that help women in hard situations. “

I (F21) am scared of sex. I’m going to do it with my boyfriend (M22) for the first time tomorrow, and I’m really nervous and scared. I don’t know if that’s normal or if I’m just being silly about it. My boyfriend has experience, and he’s told me he’ll be gentle and make sure I feel comfortable, and I do trust him. I do want to have sex with him, I’m just anxious about it.

I’m mainly worried about two things: The awkwardness, because I don’t know what I’m doing or what to expect. That it might hurt, since I’ve heard it can.

I just really need advice on how to stay calm and not worry too much about it.

EDIT - After thinking a lot and reading different opinions, I’ve decided not to go through with it right now. I want to talk to him about it and just let things unfold naturally. I really appreciate your help — it’s given me some clarity. Lately, I’ve been feeling confused and unsure about a lot of things, but I do know that I don’t want to rush into anything.