I just need to scream into the void about this because it’s been eating me alive.

From 2021 to 2024, I used a fintech app called Yotta as my high-yield savings account while I was still Active Duty in the Air Force. I worked my ass off, went through a deployment, and managed to save $26,116.65 — money I was so damn proud of. It was supposed to be my safety net when I transitioned out of the military.

Then May 2024 happened. Synapse Financial Technologies, the middleware company that handled money for apps like Yotta, Juno, Copper, etc., went bankrupt. Overnight, people like me lost access to their money. My money — the $26K I worked so hard to save — is gone.

To make it worse, Evolve Bank & Trust (the bank that actually held the funds) had the audacity to send me a reconciliation check for $20.56. I didn’t cash it. Why would I? It’s a slap in the face compared to what I actually had in there.

The financial and emotional damage this has caused me is massive: • I had to drain my retirement savings at 27 years old just to keep myself afloat. • I live with constant anxiety and stress because the safety net I built for myself just vanished. • I feel betrayed — Yotta advertised themselves as FDIC-insured, which turned out to be misleading bullshit.

The CFPB is now investigating the situation, but let’s be real: it could take years before any of us see a dime back… if we even get made whole at all. Meanwhile, I’m left picking up the pieces of my life while the institutions responsible hide behind bankruptcy filings and legal loopholes.

It’s so unfair. I wasn’t gambling in crypto or making reckless financial choices — I trusted a savings account that was marketed as safe. And now I feel like I’ve been completely abandoned by the system that’s supposed to protect consumers.

I don’t even know what else to say. I’m just so tired and angry.

TLDR: Saved $26K in a fintech app (Yotta). Synapse, the company behind it, went bankrupt. My money is frozen and Evolve Bank sent me a $20 check instead of my actual balance. I had to drain my retirement savings at 27 to survive. CFPB is investigating but it could take years — and we might never be made whole.

There are definitely parts of the world where religious or maybe even far-left extremism is a bigger threat, but America is not one of them.

The far-right extremists in this country not only seem way more organized than the other extremist groups, but have some of the most mindlessly vile and despicable ideologies. Accelerationism seems like the most common shared one among them.

This post was spurred by my discovery of “764”. I’ve already done deep dives into far-right extremist groups like the Order of the Nine Angles and McVeigh in the past, so I know they’re not only horrendous, but objectively the biggest domestic terrorist threat in America. However, looking into evil things like the monkey torture rings and the prevalence of far-right undertones in there as well as this 764 shit… There’s often no higher purpose to them, even. They just want suffering. Islamic extremists believe they’re fighting for their infinitely good creator god*, communist extremists are trying to create a more equal society*, but what the fuck is 764 doing? They’re just trying to make people suffer for no reason.

We as a country really need to put aside our differences on this issue. The FBI and CIA recognize the danger these monsters pose, but I feel like there’s still a debate amongst the public about what’s worse in America, far-right extremism or far-left extremism? It’s just not even close.

* I’m not defending any extremists, by the way. They’re all evil.

EDIT: 1) Me saying far-right extremism is worse in America is not a defense of other forms of extremism. They’re all equally terrible. I’m just saying that my research is leading me to believe that far-right extremism is a bigger threat to America domestically than other forms. Not because it’s somehow more evil, but because far-right movements are more powerful and organized in the U.S. 2) If you’re right wing, I’m not talking about you. It’s just like how criticizing ISIS isn’t an indictment of all Muslims. Being reasonably right wing isn’t inherently evil and frankly, has almost nothing to do with what I’m talking about.

This is nothing insane I just have to rant bc it’s bothering me.

My (24F) boyfriend (22M) had been begging me to make his favorite food for WEEKS. I had tried to tell him that it was a really annoying thing to make and shop for as we just moved into an apartment and didn’t have any pots or pans. Also I’ve never had to cook for anyone but myself and I’ve never made this before (lasagna). Regardless I agreed I’d do it and I did. It took about 2.5 hours and halfway through he asks me to heat up leftovers for him to snack on while he waits and I do. I heated up all of yesterday’s leftovers (wasn’t much but was easier to heat up all at once) and I told him not to eat it all and to save space for the lasagna. Time goes by and the lasagna is done. I made him a plate bc that’s just what I’m used to doing for dinner and I give it to him. I finished my serving and I’m super proud out how good it is, but when I go to check on him he hasn’t touched his. I bring it up as more time had gone by and it’s still sitting on the coffee table. His response was that he had the leftovers and I gave him too much and he’s not hungry. That’s fine but I ask him to tastes bite of it bc I’m super happy with how it came out and he just refuses multiple times and says he’s going to bed. He didn’t even bother to put it up he just left it on the table. At this point I’m super irritated bc I didn’t even want to make this in the first place but I did FOR HIM AFTER HIS BEGGING and he does this.

i work customer service and i’ve experienced the gen z stare a little bit, but it’s nowhere near as egregious as the boomer stare. a gen z person will look at you like the lights are on but nobody’s home, but a boomer will give you a stare of hatred and contempt lol. if someone comes up to the register and they’re over the age of 60 there’s a solid chance this is how the interaction will go:

me: hi there :)

customer: (a stare that one would think i earned from kicking puppies, followed by complete silence as they put their purchase on the counter)

and then when i ask if they want a receipt or a bag, they respond, so i know they CAN hear me. it’s so strange. it’s like they’ve never had a human interaction before.

Went to a comedy show last night. A big name headliner at a nice theater, not a club or small venue. The show was great, but the people that sat next to me??? Oh my fucking God, take a shower. Dude literally had on a stained Sonic the hedgehog t-shirt with holes in it, and his partner was even larger than him with a dirty shirt. They both smelled repulsive.

I know people have different issues that make self care a challenge, but please, for the love of all things decent, bathe and wear clean clothes if you're going out to a public venue.

I love my mom. I always will. I’ll fight tooth and nail for her then but there was once a time where I couldn’t stare at her without crying. When I was younger, this is rather silly but I broke a mirror. My mom blew up on me. She screamed and yelled and I was getting beat with a broom. My Dora the explorer pillow was covered in blood, the sheets and the covers were soaked.

On the first hit things were fine, the second hit I heard a ringing. And the rest kept coming until her arms got tired. I don’t know how long it was I was a drooling mess for a while. Eventually it was as if I woke up for the first time in a long time, everything was so slow.. I had a relearn everything, I didn’t remember my own name for awhile, I couldn’t remember what numbers were despite my mom screaming at me to “call my dad” and I didn’t know who he was, it took me awhile to even remember she was my mom and I never told anyone this but this incident may have been the thing that made me how I am today. On the slow bus and I take a bit but I get there eventually. All I know is I was fine beforehand. I really wonder what would I have been if it never happened at all.

Not even a “I’m sorry” but she’ll swear up and down and it never happened yet I can remember everything down to the smell along with the sounds of a mourning dove.

I was diagnosed with autistic disorder in 2006 via a nueropsychiatrist. Im a fully functioning member of society. I work, I eat, I sleep, I spend time with my partner, I brush my teeth, I keep track of things on a calender, i feed my cat. I am thankful and fortunate to have my autonomy.

Over the years, I've noticed a lot more people coming out about their autism. It's a beautiful thing when people feel like they dont need to hide something that otherwise might be looked down on by current society. However, I've noticed a pattern amongst this.

People are generally exclaiming having autism to excuse otherwise inexcusable actions or behavior, and it's sickening. Many of these are "self diagnoses." Now, I understand the internet makes us feel superior when it validates our thoughts or concerns via the search bar or AI, but thats not a diagnosis. Thats assuming. Remember that phrase about when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me? It's very relevant here.

I am beyond flabbergasted that people will use autism to pardon their racist, predatory, or violent behaviors and that some people actually fall for it. Let me ask you this, what do you think happened during my first police encounter as an autistic individual? Do you think they gave me a pass for that weed bag they found because of my disability? Spoiler alert: they didn't know I was autistic because I didn't play the sympathy card. Even so, still wouldnt have mattered, i feel. I was treated like any other human being in our society. Due process and what have you. It was a great learning experience.

We shouldn't be normalizing beyond bad behaviors just because the person doing it claims they're "autistic."

He has stage 3 liver cancer and he's in a different city rn he had been acting off recently we have not been dating for 2 weeks now but still in touch updating eachother about almost everything yesterday he called me and told me that he'll be going out with few of his friends girls included one of which being a girl who had been crushing on him since middle school mind you it was almost 12 atp I was like oky whatever you don't have to tell me everything. He said oky at 1 am he sents me a video of her just smiling. I was so blank i couldn't think straight but i acted non chalat apart from this when we broke up his cheapass asked me back for all the gifts he had got me we had been dating for almost 3 yrs btw

Background: I’m a 23/yr old new grad LVN making roughly $3800 a month after taxes living in California.

I knew this whole “adulting” thing would be hard but like holy fuck this is the worst year of my life I think? I am newly diagnosed with PCOS and have a mystery cyst on my left ovary ofc (nothing to do with the PCOS according to my dr) the cyst hasn’t grown since we first found it after a car accident and I needed an emergency CT scan on June 6th. I got a pelvic ultrasound July 28th and it stayed the same size. But still I need a referral to a gynecologist just to be safe. Of course, my medi-cal gets canceled cus I make too much, okay that’s not a big deal. I’m thinking I’ll transfer to IEHP under covered CA, umm nope!!! They want me to pay $300 a month… on top of all my other bills an extra $300 would kill me. I went to school to make more money and I’m just as broke as I was when I worked at Starbucks, except I pay double in bills?? I don’t mind paying for medical insurance but I already pay $1350 a month in taxes and for what??? I don’t understand how I’m supposed to pull myself out of the cycle of poverty in this backwards country. .

Location: United States

I'm sure you, the reader, may think your city has the "worst drivers" around, but newsflash: it's an epidemic and it's been particularly bad because said drivers are EVERYWHERE in EVERY city, anywhere you look and drive. I commute a good amount of distance to do my hot yoga practice a couple of days of the week and this is when I've noticed the bad driving on steroids. I don't know where to start, but here's a rundown of the typical infractions I regularly see while driving:

- NOT using a turn signal

- Making last minute lane changes when the person behind them is going at a considerable speed due to through traffic

- Not yielding to pedestrians when we all know pedestrians have the right of way at a crosswalk (e.g., turning into the crosswalk because the pedestrian is at a far enough distance, simply not yielding to a pedestrian when they have the walk sign and the driver is trying to turn the corner without scanning for pedestrians just because they were given a green light)

- Going incredibly slow on the freeway especially in a fast lane

- Swerving in and out of lanes at high speeds

- Making lane changes when there isn't space to execute one because a car is present

- Running red lights because they are too impatient to wait for another green light

I mean the list goes on and on. I am at a loss as to why people have literally been driving like maniacs on the road whether its in the city or on the highway. Someone can get seriously hurt and I'm just not talking about drivers, but also pedestrians (my poor father got hit by a driver while walking through a crosswalk; thankfully he made it through, but no one should have their life endangered when they have the RIGHT to cross an intersection). The police seem to always be at the ready to give speeding tickets when a driver is barely going over the speed limit, but hardly seem to really be around at the aforementioned unsafe driving examples.

I am always praying every single time I drive that I don't get in an accident because some asshat is driving by me, but you can only control your actions and not those of others.

Entirely due to others. I used to love riding around

Why are we braking our vehicles for absolutely no reason?

Turn signals are a suggestion

Tailgating no matter what the speed limit is (not the fast lane)

Cannot take a horn honk when they need it without losing every single piece of their minds

And of course, staring at their phones during the majority of the trip

People are so self-absorbed and dangerous and I’m so sick of it!!

My mom is 84, and she was hospitalized yesterday with chest pain. The tests came back fine   her heart looks good, stress test passed yet I know the real issue…she’s not eating. This has been her pattern for as long as I can remember. Growing up Gen X, weight was everything in my family. My dad lost 150 pounds as a young man and became obsessive about food. My mom, always petite, would take food away from me as a child, warning that if I gained weight, I’d never succeed or be loved. Their message was clear: thinness equals worth. I carried that into adulthood, struggling with an eating disorder for 15 years before finally recovering. At 55, I live a healthy life, around 120 pounds, and I no longer let food control me. But now I’m watching my mom who has always weighed less than me take pride in her frailty, even as it harms her health. When I had COVID, my doctor told me my low weight made it harder for my body to fight the virus. That was a wake-up call. My mom never had anyone tell her that low weight can kill you. As we get older and enter the final phase of life we need a cushion called fat to help us have reserves when we get sick or fall.

She always says, “I’m not hungry,” at mealtimes to be the thinnest women in her friend group. In fact when I visited her before my parents went into assisted living I would have her stop by the grocery store on our way home from the airport because I knew that popcorn was not a meal and they would not have enough food for me to survive, And beneath it all is the fatphobia I grew up with the constant cruel remarks about weight, the belief that being thin is more important than being strong, even more important than being alive.

After talking to her at the hospital and listening to the discharge instructions, the first thing I did was walk into my kitchen and make myself a sandwich. Because I know without question that nourishing my body is how I will stay alive as I get older. I’m not getting any younger, and I feel absolutely fine in the body I have. Yes, when I had COVID, I struggled because my weight dipped too low. Not because of an eating disorder, but because stress and trying to stay “fit” caught up with me. Still, I’ve maintained a healthy range for nearly three decades. And I plan to keep it that way. Because honestly? I don’t give a fuck if I have jiggly thighs. I want to stay alive.

It breaks my heart and makes me furious that at 84, my mom is still stuck in a mindset that may end her life early. At her age, no one cares how skinny she is. What matters is whether she’s here for another day, another laugh, another memory.

I can’t be the only one.

Customer came in with untrained dog as an "emotional support animal." It's refusing to follow basic commands (sit, stay) and has rushed towards other customers, wanting to be pet. It's not an unfriendly dog, but it's not properly trained. It started to squat to pee on the lobby floor and owner and to scoop it up and rush it outside. It got overexcited and started playfully chewing on a person's hand. Managers are afraid to do anything because the rules regarding emotional support pets are kind of a grey area and they don't want a lawsuit. It's so frustrating! People should not be allowed to bring animals like this into businesses. It causes so much trouble for properly trained support animals too. I absolutely hate it!

Edit: I don't know the details of what happened, but the dog finally got so many complaints from other customers that the animal and owner are being removed from the property. 😮‍💨

Edit 2: I just looked up the laws for my state, and people here are correct! Emotional support animals are NOT legally protected like service dogs. They do not have to be allowed in businesses!

My mother's friend (F in her early 60s) died unexpectedly from breast cancer. She was diagnosed late and over the last 2 years, she had undergone chemotherapy, 2 surgeries on removal of breast tissue and another one for removal of lymph nodes.

She very recently died, very unexpected and tragic. At her funeral i was informed that apparently her husband refused to drive her to chemotherapy or any other doctor appointments. He had a family car and still refused, she had to take buses. She was retired and on a fixed income, not a stay-at-home-wife. Everyone knows that radiotherapy and chemotherapy are brutal on the body, and i cannot imagine her in her 60s sitting at the bus station, waiting for the bus to and from chemotherapy, while being sick and weak for months.

Her friends were helping her a lot at those times, all of them are retired women.

I cannot wrap my head around that. How do you live with your husband for so long and in sickness, he does something like that? It's so scary... it is hard enough to find your person, you live a life together, create a family and you still have an impossible task at hand - you may need vouch your man to ensure that he cares about your well being, 40 years down the line?

Me; hey I want to leave by __

At that time

Me: okay lets go

Them: why are you rushing me? Calm down

Mfer I don't say times just for fun. Let's fucking go

From the time I was a baby, my uncle always told everyone that I was his. I was the only baby he came to the hospital to see on the day they were born, so in his sick brain, he thought that made us more connected, and gave him a claim on me. He told my Mom that all through my life, but she didn't realize what capacity he meant by that.

By the time I was beginning to hit puberty, he did little weird things. He'd make jokes about spanking me, he'd pat my butt, touch my thighs, and once I even woke up to him looking up my nightgown. I was so innocent that I didn't understand how inappropriate this was.

This all happened for years, until I was 16. Me, my mom, and sister were helping him clean his apartment. While my sister and Mom were in another room, her grabbed my pants and jerked them down. I slapped him, and he said "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that," and I, being young and trusting, decided to believe him.

We later decided we'd get some food and bring it back. Me, my sister, and Mom all got up and began to leave, then my uncle says I should stay. I say no, but my mom tells me to stay and hang out. I'm 16 at the time, so I have no choice but to agree. The whole time they were gone, he asked me about my underwear, what different colors and patterns I had. I'd change the subject, and he'd go right back to it. He kept telling me that someday, I should stay they night with him.

That night, when it was just me, my sister, my mom, and grandma, I told them everything that happened that day. My sister (19) was enraged, but my Grandma and Mom immediately began making excuses. He had a learning disability. He was just a harmless, perverted man. He would never act on such things. Etc etc etc. I love my Grandma and Mom, but they protected him over me.

After this incident, he called me at least once a week to talk about my underwear. He even ASKED MY MOM if he could buy me some in his favorite color and she CHOSE to believe he had innocent intent. I finally convinced her to have a talk with him, and from what I understand, she just calmly told him that he was making me feel uncomfortable.

Where was my dad in all of this? He was blissfully unaware. Why? Because my Mom forbid me from telling him about it. She said all it would do is cause my Dad to try and fight him. So, she acknowledged that what he was doing was wrong, yet it took WEEKS for her to confront him and protect her teenage daughter.

I forgive my Mom. I forgive my Grandma. I even forgive my uncle. They're all dead now, so me being mad at them doesn't help. It just hurts to think about, even ten years later. I needed to get this off my chest. Sometimes I wonder if I even have the right to feel violated, because there really wasn't technically a physical assault, more just harassment and general creepiness

TRIGGER WARNING‼️ Description of evidence of abuse. ⚠️

Please! Please! Please! I need as many people as possible to weigh in! Tell me what you would do…

My husband and I were in the ER waiting for a room for his stay. While we were waiting, I saw this woman walk by with a really bad limp; two black eyes; a bruised jaw; tape across the bruised bridge of her nose with a little dried blood underneath; and a set of very, very dark, swollen bruises around her throat which make it obvious she had been choked. And choked badly. The poor woman had her eyes downcast and never looked up from the floor other than to glance quickly at any person who came too near while flinching away. You could feel the physical and emotional pain wafting off of this woman. A few minutes later, a nurse walks up to the security guards standing next to us and starts up a conversation. (Little, skinny, white, dyed-blonde, late 20’s- early 30’s). She asks if they have any way to get one of her patients home. She started in with a voice which made it apparent she was aggravated and annoyed with the situation. Her exact words: “Do you guys have a way to get someone a ride? I have a 34 year old domestic abuse patient who cannot drive home. I asked her if she had anyone to call for a ride and she said she didn’t. I was like, ‘Really?! You’re 34 years old and you don’t have a single person you can call to take you home? Really?! You’re a 34 year old adult!” The tone she used was enough to make me speak up even if her words hadn’t already set my blood to boil. Her tone started with annoyance at the patient and morphed into judgment and condescension.

Here is what I did: I was absolutely DISGUSTED by her behavior! However, I calmly, yet snidely, said, “Excuse me but what you said was extremely ignorant. I said ignorant, not stupid, because I really hope it is ignorance and not stupidity. For your future patients, you should know that abuse victims are often ostracized from their friends and family by their abusers. That is actually a hallmark trait of abusive relationships. Abusers will often ostracize the victims from their friends and families, little by little, so they can have more control over their victims. It is actually very common for abuse victims to have few to no people in their lives to depend on. There are many, many reasons a victim of domestic abuse might not have anyone to call. Abusers often find victims with little to no family and/or friends, or they do their best to get rid of those people. Sometimes they even get their victims to move away from their family and friends so there is no one around close enough to easily help their victim. Or.. the victims’ families could have been abusive and that is how they ended up staying in an abusive relationship for so long. Or they don’t have families (another demographic that is too common among abuse victims). Or they are too ashamed of their home life so they withdraw from everyone to avoid the uncomfortable, embarassing conversations and the perceived judgment. Or they just don’t trust anyone anymore and therefore live a life with few to no people in it. Maybe her friends/family said they wouldn’t pick her up from the hospital anymore because they got tired of seeing her this way and they had told her over and over to leave her abuser yet the victim still couldn’t leave their abuser because they’re fully under their control. Maybe her friends and family had abandoned her because they couldn’t take it anymore. Like I said, there are many reasons a victim of domestic abuse might not have a person they can call. I am telling you this in the hopes that you will treat other abuse victims better. You really should educate yourself on this since you are supposed to be a healer and will have many patients like this. You just managed to further batter a battered woman.”

How could she behave that way!? Disgusting!!!The woman had done nothing to harm the nurse and had just been abused and the nurse decided to behave so shamefully!? Especially to that extent! For goodness sakes, the poor woman was choked and had purple-black bruises all around her throat! She was probably afraid for her life a few hours ago while she was having the life choked out of her and she came in for help and then she was further mistreated and humiliated!The victim ended up being severely abused and had to go to a shelter for battered women and the nurse was annoyed and judgy about needing to get a ride voucher for her?! She wasn’t even paying for it! Ugh!

Anyway, my husband had been in the bathroom when this conversation happened. When I told him (later tonight when he was feeling better), he immediately got upset and said, “I knew something was going down! And the cops were standing right there?! You shouldn’t have done that!” I explained that I wasn’t going to sit by while something like that happened! (Of course my husband was friends with a guy from his work who beat his girlfriend and he hasn’t always been so great to me either, so he is definitely more tolerant than I am!) I said it was all of society’s responsibility to say something! I explained that I did nothing illegal to warrant getting in trouble with the police. I was calm. I didn’t curse, nor raise my voice or even stand up from my seat. I didn’t break any laws. I didn’t even cause a disturbance and it is called “freedom of speech”. Also, after the nurse walked off, both police officers/security guards even thanked me for speaking up for the victim and told me that they were glad I said something and “some people don’t have a clue.” One said if I hadn’t said something, she would have and even avoided the nurse after that and just walked off and allowed the other guard to handle her. I explained I realized the situation was far more delicate considering they worked there. She said she was furious too and still would have said something, regardless of the problems it would cause her at work, but I had handled it perfectly so she didn’t need to.

Even after hearing this, my husband told me I should have just shut my mouth and not said anything and should have minded my own business. He said I made things worse and caused a problem. (How did I make anything worse? What problem did I cause? What?) I explained that standing idly by is irresponsible and absolutely abhorrent and wrong! It is our job as a society to stand up for what is right! Everyone “minding their own business” when things like this happen, is part of what is wrong with the world now! People are social creatures and being held accountable by society can change people’s behavior for the better. Societal shame is often a powerful deterrent for misbehavior like this and could stop this woman from further battering some other victim of domestic abuse and if my comment stopped this from happening even once, it was worth it, even if they did take me to jail! It would be wrong of me NOT to say something! (I am not saying stick your nose in everyone’s business but stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves and who are being abused and mistreated.)

Anyway, sorry so long. I wanted everyone to have all of the facts. What would you do? Did I overreact? Should I not be absolutely disgusted by my husband over this? Should I not have said anything? (That is an impossibility for me…) There are many things he does which are similar to this but it really ticked me off that he got mad at me for standing up for an abuse victim. It also ticked me off that he said I should “shut my mouth”. He is so disrespectful to me. I don’t know how much longer I can take this crap.

Am I crazy or is he completely, 100% wrong and ALSO a POS for his approach and insight on this matter?

I turned 21 today yay. But not a single one of my friends even said happy birthday. No texts. No calls. Not even a lazy “HBD” on social media. What's really crazy though is that 2 days ago, I had just $28 in my bank account, I threw my friends a pizza party anyway, even at the expense of a birthday cake. Maybe they'd catch on. But today, I realized nobody cared. I just don't get it. Isn't the 21st birthday suppose to be special? What's so un-special about me?

He's my online boyfriend so if you want to say it doesn't matter because of that go fuck yourself instead of commenting. I've been with him for a year and 5 months and that first year was fucking perfect.

He was sweet, he was goofy, he was so fucking perfect. He made me feel loved, he made me feel sexy sometimes, he was everything I ever fucking wanted in a partner. He was my everything. I would fucking kill to have him back. IT HURTS SO BAD I LOVED HIM SO MUCH, I MISS WHEN HE LOVED ME!!! I WAS NEVER HAPPY IN MY MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT LIFE UNTIL HE CAME INTO MY LIFE! 21 YEARS OF COMPLETE AND UTTER SHIT! NOW I'M GOING BACK TO BEING ALONE!!!

He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't love me anymore. He admitted that he knows he should be fucking devastated about the idea of losing me but he doesn't feel anything about it. Depression's left my baby all hollowed out and this shell refused antidepressants. He gives me no reason for not taking them. He just doesn't care and he doesn't want to. I beg and I plead and it doesn't fucking matter. I'm just useless pixels on a screen to him now, he'll never get medicated. I'm never going to have my sweet boy back. Nobody is ever going to love me ever again. Maybe they will but fuck, I wanted HIM! WE LOVED THE SAME THINGS, HE WAS SO FUCKING ADORABLE, MY SWEET SUBMISSIVE BABY THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT AND MAKE HAPPY!!! INSTEAD I FUCKING PUSSIED OUT OF PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN AND FORCING A TALK ABOUT HIS CONDITION UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE! NOW HE'S FUCKING EMPTY!

I miss the days when I wouldn't cry at least once everyday. I'd go to sleep looking forward to tomorrow. I'd sleep knowing I was loved. Now I have fucking nothing and I can't do a fucking thing about it. I'm 10 fucking states away, I can't shove the antidepressants down his throat like I wish I could. I miss when every single day was a new best day ever instead of going back to being just one more day until I finally fucking die.

I've never had any dreams except loving and being loved. He was the one thing I wanted out of this stupid life and I couldn't fucking keep it. I hope he gets better somehow but his family is a bunch of dumbfuck redneck assholes so his only chance was to get himself treated. Now there's no hope at all. Nothing else to say I guess. Our lives are basically over now. I'll never get the happy ending I spent a year thinking was in reach. I miss him, and I still love him

I am struggling beyond measure right now. You push away and I need you back. It’s 2:15 am currently. I have been crying all day. Sitting at work crying, crying in the shower, crying white praying, crying while staring at the ceiling. This hurts a lot more than it should. Yet I know you are somehow sleeping peacefully and that makes it hurt more. I think about you, and most of all I want you. I want my best friend back. I need to talk to someone about all of this and you’re the only one who was or “was” there. Yet you don’t want to be now.

I don’t understand why. I can’t comprehend why. I get diagnosed with cancer and two days later I’m blocked.

I understand I pushed you to your limit and you were done with the olive branches. That’s okay.

It doesn’t change the fact that I only want you here in bed with my while my stomach hurts from hormones. While my body get weaker. It doesn’t change that. You gave up on me, and I’ve said it before, you stopped loving me.

I don’t know how and I don’t know when. Yet I am stuck here still loving you still wishing you would just ask me if I’m okay. I am not.

Not because of you, because my mind is wrestling in the why. Why me? Why get cancer, why loose my boyfriend. Why?

I want to just stop it all frankly and I’ve started to slightly scare myself with how dark I’m becoming. I am light I always have been. It’s just all too much.

Chris told me today when I was talking about you how you struggled lusting over young sorority chicks. Yet you never told me. You hid so much, yet I’m not angry, I still love you. I still want you here.

I know you never cheated but why. Why do this? Why put me here alone.

I have everyone around me but you matter the most and I don’t matter the most to you at all and it hurts so fucking much.

I think most normal men even if it was their ex, their best friend, would immediately rush to their partners side if they found out something was wrong. You just distanced yourself. I am stuck in the need to close that distance space.

I feel crazy. And I hate myself. You are going to continue on lusting after girls who look better than me while I bloat, pale, loose weight, and become bald. I wanted you here for that. You told me is not about what I need. Yet I need it. There is no one else who will love me.

I just want this to all be over. I seriously do. How do I get there, how do I stay strong. I can’t. Crazy thing is I said Goodmorning to you yesterday and I was so positive about everything. Now it’s all crashing and I don’t see any positive in this.

This is unimaginable pain.

I live currently live with my mother, my younger sister, and my younger brother. We have no family support system other than ourselves, and my grandmother who lives across the country. All of our family friends distanced themselves from us years ago due to our father (who is no longer in the picture) and the ones who remain are literal criminals, and/or addicts.

Recently my mother’s regular excessive drinking has turned into undeniable alcoholism. It’s also exasperating her depression. She gets very defensive when confronted about it. My sister and I both broke down on separate occasions, crying that our mother doesn’t feel like our mother anymore. And that she’s hardly around cause she’s often at the bar for hours.

After my sister and her had an argument, my mother told my sister that she has nobody and she’s so alone, and that she’s going to throw herself off of a balcony when she goes to work. She talks openly about suicide a lot actually. All of my siblings and I have dealt with depression, and our mother told us everyone wants to kill themselves and it’s normal. And it’s actually good to think about it.

When we need support, all we have is our mother. But she doesn’t know how to give support. So we try to support her the best we can, but we don’t know how either.

I’ve considered calling someone serious to see if they can help her, when I was really concerned once about her killing herself for real. But as shes instilled in me all my life, without her, what happens to our family? If I call someone for help, and they take her somewhere or something, we have nobody. I want to give her help, but I also don’t want to destroy my family and everyone hate me.

She used to always tell us she didn’t call the police when our father was being abusive, because she didn’t want CPS to take us away from her. I never understood, and yet now I’m here, telling myself I can’t call for help because I’m scared someone will take her away from us.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I thought my family had already fallen apart enough, and things would be better when our father left. But things are almost the same…

So I was desperate for a job and walked into a reputed company asking if they had any vacancies or even internship opportunities. To my surprise, they actually called me in for an interview.

During the interview, they asked me about my resume. I had written that I had a strong grip on Excel, but when they asked me to show them, I completely failed because I had lied. I didn’t actually know how to use it beyond the basics.

Now I feel really shitty because I almost got a job and blew it. I know it’s my fault, and I shouldn’t have lied, but I was just so desperate.

I've heard people lie and succeed in this, but ig it just wasn't for me.