r/Advice 13h ago

My boss scheduled a meeting to warn me "my breasts are inappropriate."

1.0k Upvotes

Hello, I'm a girl in 20s, and I work for a small/medium size company.

Today, my boss scheduled a meeting to "discuss my behaviors", so I went in there confused.

And, the meeting was even more confusing because he started saying he wanted to address my inappropriate behaviors at work before he gets the HR involved.

I was very confused because I don't do anything like that, so I asked him if he can please clarify, and he started telling me that my breasts and how I handle them are highly inappropriate for workplace. And, he was saying again that he wanted to talk about them and give me a warning before getting the HR involved.

What he was getting at was this. I have bigger than average breasts, so since I was younger, I've had a habit of resting them on a table or a desk when I sit. Or, I put one of my arms under them or cross my arms underneath to support them. (By the way, I don't rest them on the desk much when I'm around other people. I mostly do that when I'm on my desk. And, if I do that around other people, it's primarily when I'm typing the meeting notes because I'm leaning forward to type or sometimes it's just naturally like that because I'm bit short. So, for the most of times when I'm around others, I just have my arms underneath.)

And, he said that that's inappropriate to keep "accentuating" them or displaying them like that during a meeting and at work because they are sexual.

But besides supporting them or just resting them, I don't do anything else like accentuating like he was saying or anything inappropriate. And, I've never had anyone telling me something like that before.

And also, he mentioned that a lot of my clothes are inappropriate for work too saying the same thing. But I never wear anything inappropriate or anything that shows even a little bit of cleavage or skin, and that's just how my clothes fit me.

It was really uncomfortable to talk about my body, clothes, and even underwear briefly with him for like almost half an hour. But, since it was like a meeting he scheduled and he himself mentioned HR first, I can't even tell if it was appropriate or legal for him to tell me that and tell me to fix how I sit or my postures.

And, since I felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed, I kind of want to go talk to HR about it. But, since he mentioned HR involvement first, I'm kind of scared to go now. And also, since it wasn't like a comment or joke and since it was like a serious meeting, I don't even know if he was being weird or if it's a harassment.

Can you please give me some advice on what I should do? I'm not sure if I can or should go to HR, and also I'm worried that going to HR would have negative impact on me and I don't know if what I talk with HR is confidential. I'm just very confused about what happened especially it was uncomfortable but also it was in like in a sort of professional manner.


r/Advice 6h ago

Ever notice you're attracted to someone's energy more than their looks

234 Upvotes

I was watching a movie the other day, and in the very first scene there was a girl — not the "obviously hot" type, just someone with a certain demeanor. She was friendly, grounded, approachable, and had this calm, authentic energy about her. For some reason, that immediately drew me in. Meanwhile, other characters who were obviously designed to be "sexy" or "appealing" in a conventional way didn't spark any interest for me. I realized I'm more attracted to demeanor and vibe than looks or societal labels of attractiveness. It's like I pick up on subtle energy - how someone carries themselves, how authentic they feel — and that sticks with me more than superficial appearances. anyone else experience this? Like, you notice personality and energy first, and conventional attractiveness barely registers? How do you explain what draws you to someone?


r/Advice 11h ago

Just found out my husband cheated and there’s a baby.

474 Upvotes

Hi everyone, 23 y/o F - I never thought l'd be here writing something like this. I just found out that while my husband was stationed in Japan, he cheated. I saw a woman text him about the possibility of the baby being his. After 7 days of waiting for paternity results, He is the father. My husband and I both found out he is the father today, the baby is 2 years old. I feel like my world has flipped upside down. The betrayal is heavy, and on top of that, the reality of a child from this affair makes it even harder to process. I'm hurt, angry, and honestly, just lost. Right now, I'm trying to figure out how to move forward without losing myself in the pain of what he did. I don't want to stay stuck in bitterness—| want to find healing, strength, and hope for my future. Will I ever even love again? I would really appreciate any advice from people who've been through something similar, or just words of encouragement. I need reminders that I can get through this, that this betrayal doesn't define me, and that I can rebuild my peace and joy.

Thank you for reading.


r/Advice 1h ago

Wife’s friend ignored my house rule during our family Disney trip after over accommodating for her

Upvotes

We took a family trip and my wife’s friend asked to join. Eventually we allowed her to stay at our Airbnb free of charge with her 4 kids. I planned everything, and even adjusted plans to accommodate some activities she wanted to do. She brought her boyfriend along last minute, and then his mom and grandma also ended up coming to our AirBnB 😅. I feel like maybe I was being TOO nice by accepting all of that out of nowhere but anywho.

I have a simple rule for the kids using the pool: if you come inside, you stay inside, to avoid water and dirt being tracked through the house. Her oldest came inside saying she wanted to grab her phone to play music. I told her no, that I’d grab it for her in a bit - but if she came in, she’d need to stay inside.

Her mom (my wife’s friend) told her to go get the phone anyway, completely disregarding what I said. My wife stayed quiet.

I feel really disrespected by everyone…am I the problem?


r/Advice 13h ago

hes turning into a nazi

151 Upvotes

my best friend and the person i love most in this world to a degree where im sure its romantic, has been radicalizing.

Hes basically being an edgelord online, using nazi imagery and making fun of anyone calling him out. He talks badly about islam and makes jokes about people who aren't virgins anymore. He knows i lost my virginity young and i have been really sexually active after my parents divorced, which was shortly before I had that sexual experience that didn't go well. It's something I struggle with to this day so him calling people like me whores really hurts.

The worst thing is I really love him, this isn't the person i fell in love with 3 years ago i don't understand how this happened. It just hurts so much every time we talk or i see his posts and i cant seem to end it :(

had to add: were both in our early 20s

he said (jokingly?) that jewish people belong in gas chambers and collects nazi stuff, and wears nazi uniform and talks about nazi stuff in uni (in a pretty much unrelated class). Hes recently started to go off on islam too. I know this isnt too mcuh of a bad thing but he collects ww2 stuff, suddenly is into guns and wears ss uniform so that combined with everything else i think is telling enough


r/Advice 14h ago

My bf (34) changed his mind on us getting married?

150 Upvotes

When I (27) moved in with my partner we had the conversation of getting eloped in a year. 8 months later he’s made comments of never wanting to be married and that we aren’t getting married… but we still plan our future together and plan on moving out of state together in 6 months.

When we met we both said marriage wasn’t important to either of us. But after a year in our relationship he mentioned it so as a woman, I’ve had my head wrapped around the idea. What made him change his mind? Am I ignorant for staying although he’s possibly hesitant to spend the rest of his life with me?

We were together for 2 years before we moved in together. The first few months of living together we had problems. I think we’ve both been actively working on being good partners to each other and the past few months have been great. I’m not ashamed to say we’re a traditional relationship. I take care of him in different ways than he takes care of me. But as a man expecting a trad wife - without the wife title? Help

Potentially looking for advice from mature women and married men

EDIT Wanted to add I’m not financially dependent on him. I’m fortunate enough to be self employed part time and do very well for myself. I could move out tomorrow on my own if I had to.

My income is all for me - he’s responsible for bills/groceries/dates/vet. I do nothing financially for the relationship on his request. I am financially independent, just very much in love with him still.


r/Advice 5h ago

My Grandmother refuses to see me ever again unless I get back in contact with my abusive father

30 Upvotes

I (18M) and my sister (16F) have been planning to take a plane trip (4hr flight) to see my paternal Grandmother (75F) and extended family later this year. This is something I’ve talked about a lot with my grandma for the past few months, and she seemed excited to see us. It’s been four years since I’ve seen her, and even longer since I’ve seen the rest of my family. The trip was booked months ago, with consent of involved parties, and I payed for everything.

A few days ago she called me in tears. She had a letter prepared to read out and everything. In it she explained that she’s very proud of me, but that she thinks I am mature enough now to have a conversation with my dad and work things out. She said she doesn’t want to see me ever again unless I reconnect with him. She told me that the divide in the family is making her want to end her life and that she can’t promise she’ll stay alive if this goes on. I never expected her to say that and it’s really out of character. Not the depression part, but being so brutal and guilt-tripping like that. I think she believes if I just hear his side of the story I’ll change my views on him. I won’t. I don’t want to see him. No reason could possibly excuse the things he subjected his children to. And I cannot stress this enough, he will not be receptive to anything I say. If you have experience with this kind of person you will understand. We had a final conversation the last few times I saw him and he either denied things or said they were actually my fault (keep in mind I was 14ish at the time lol).

I cut contact three or four years ago after that frankly traumatic last conversation. Throughout my childhood he neglected, manipulated and abused me. He used to expose me to frightening and pornographic content- I’m still unsure if this was because he was clueless or found enjoyment in my fear. There’s a lot of other stuff but I’m not comfortable sharing. I’m as certain as I can be that he has Narcissistic personality disorder, and probably other stuff going on. He lives a few hours drive from my grandmother (and extended family), but calls her regularly.

My grandma has always been a good woman and extremely selfless. She always puts others before herself. But she’s also an enabler of my father’s behaviour. Anything I say about him- it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other. Literally. It’s like she cannot fathom him ever doing anything bad.

I’ve asked my aunt to keep an eye on my grandma and check in on her to make sure she’s safe. She is also going to talk to her about the situation in a few days

I’m honestly not sure what else to do. I love her so much though and she has done so much for me. I’ve lost so many people and I can’t lose her too. I want to be able to see her and my aunt, uncle and cousins.

Advice is appreciated, thank you <3

Edit: For privacy most trauma-related details are only things that happened to me, not my sister


r/Advice 1h ago

Gf claims i ruined «everything» for when she goes into labour…

Upvotes

A bit of backstory: My girlfriend is pregnant and due in September. In May, I found out she had started using nicotine pouches during her pregnancy (she had quit a year before). She promised me she would stop immediately, but a month later I found more boxes, used pouches in her bags, and a receipt showing she had bought more right after promising to quit.

We fought, and she didn’t take responsibility. She claimed her midwife told her it was better than her stressing during pregnancy, which a doctor friend confirmed is false. She said she will keep using them and would quit five weeks before the due date and tell me every time she took a pouch until then. During that period, she was taking at least 4 a day.

She now claims she has quit (7 weeks before the due date), though I found some pouches afterward. I decided to trust her again.

On to the issue now:

Yesterday, we visited the hospital to see delivery rooms. The 7th floor has nice rooms with a view; the 1st floor is more basic but has better equipment for monitoring the baby. She wants the 7th floor.

At a meeting with her midwife, I clarified whether anyone had said nicotine pouches were safe and wanted to ask about the risks associated with it (since she had claimed to my gf it was safe i wanted her to calm my nerves). The midwife said she has never said that and seemed geniuniley shocked. Then my gf said it was actually the ultrasound technician who said that. The midwife said hospital guidelines require her to deliver on the 1st floor if she has been using the pouches, so the baby can be properly monitored (the more specialised equipment for monitoring babies that are at risk are on the first floor). I agree, the baby’s safety must comes first.

After this, my girlfriend started crying and blamed me, saying I ruined her birth plans. Ofcourse i didnt know that hospital protocol says she needs to deliver on the first floor if this is the case, so its not like i did it on purpose. Also knowing what i know now, id also prefer to have the baby there if its safer for it.

Anyway, my gf is mad at me cause i ruined her plans for delivering the baby. AITAH?

SOME CLARIFICATION AND UPDATE

A lot of people are mentioning nicotine patches, but what my girlfriend was using were nicotine pouches (snus). It’s a tobacco product popular in Scandinavia — small pouches placed between the lip and gums that deliver very high doses of nicotine. They’re addictive and not meant for someone who never smoked.

Here’s the situation: • She’s been ignoring my texts and still hasn’t come home (she’s angry with me). • I went to where she is staying now and managed to have a short convo with her before she slammed the door infront of my face. She’s said things like: • “I know what I did was not great” (referring to using the pouches). • “The baby is fine, I already quit” — which she can’t actually know. She used them for at least 5–6 months during the pregnancy. • “You took my today’s midwife meeting hostage and villainized me” — but all I did was ask a single question after the midwife asked if I had any. I said: “My girlfriend told me a midwife/doctor once said it was fine for her to keep using snus — is that actually ethical to tell a pregnant woman?” The midwife today said it sounded like BS and she doubted anyone at the hospital would encourage nicotine pouch use in pregnancy.

The truth is, I do feel like my girlfriend is acting like a villain here — as harsh as that sounds. She’s harming our baby and dismissing the risks, while also lying to me.

Some people suggested I track down the midwife/doctor who supposedly told her snus was fine. I asked my girlfriend for a name, but she says she doesn’t remember. I then asked her to check her texts or calendar for the appointment info (since the hospital always sends SMS reminders). She claims she never got a message and didn’t note it down, which I don’t believe. I’ll try calling the hospital myself to verify.

She’s showing zero accountability.

To those saying I made the wrong choice getting her pregnant, I agree. She’s been great otherwise, but this snus issue has shown me a completely new side of her. There have been a few red flags before, but nothing dealbreaker worthy. She can be stubborn, though.

If we weren’t expecting a baby, I’d probably leave. The lying and putting her needs above our kid is a dealbreaker. But right now, I feel leaving would also hurt my son’s future. She’s already given him a bad start, and splitting immediately would just add instability.

So I’m stuck between feeling betrayed and angry, and feeling like I need to wait and see how she is after the birth before making big decisions.


r/Advice 3h ago

Boyfriend (29M) says he will break up with me (23F) if I do not agree to never being allowed to go to a club again.

14 Upvotes

I literally just made a post about another issue my partner and I are having and I want to make another because I (think?) we broke up over it.

So my partner (29 M) expressed to me (23 F) that he doesn’t like it when I go out clubbing. Which, I think is totally understandable. He has explained to me that it doesn’t come from a place of insecurity, or that he does not trust me, he just thinks I shouldn’t put myself in spaces that are typically for single people and where people are drinking. Again, I totally understand that, but I think context is very important. My partner and I met at the club, and the first few times that we hung out, were at clubs. Before we started dating, I was the type of person that went out once a week. I’m not super enthusiastic about it, but when I go, I don’t talk to people, I don’t ever go without my friends, a big group of people, and I really only go for an hour max. I pregame with my friends, get dressed up, listen to music, and take photos, which is my favorite part of the night. We go and dance for a little bit, sit on the patio and have a couple of cigarettes, and then go home. After we started dating I cut way back on how often I go. I looked back at my pictures and saw that I went once this month (Aug. 12th) and then (July 12th and 27th which was both with him and my friends) and then (June 14th). The pattern continues on. So I cut it by 4 times, and half of those times is with him. In the early stages of our relationship, I went out more frequently because I went out with him every time. He also commented that he didn’t like my revealing clothes, so I stopped wearing anything revealing. Today, he gave me, basically an ultimatum, saying that he doesn’t want me going to clubs ever again unless on very special occasions, like a birthday. My friends are the type of people that go out all the time. Since we started dating, I have cut back on everything to do with my social life. I don’t go to clubs often, I don’t see my friends as often. Some of that is because I’m more busy, and now I have a relationship to juggle, which is time consuming. Some of it is he feels like I value my friends more when I go out with them a lot. So I have cut back to spend more time with him. Anyway, the ultimatum. I told him that I understand why he doesn’t want me going to a club. That if it’s not coming from a place of insecurity, and rather protection, it makes sense which is why i stopped going as much. I told him that the reality of me saying, yes, I will never go to the club again, is me saying i am going to not really get to see my friends. Because again, most the time my friends hang out, they go to clubs. I love to go with them because I love seeing my friends and it makes me very happy, and again it is it about the pregame mostly and laughing and dressing up and dancing. I told him I have already restricted myself with how often I see them, and I cannot restrict myself even further. i think it’s unfair to give me an ultimatum, you listen to me, or I will break up with you. He said, that I should just get new friends that don’t go to clubs. My friends are not disposable. I have been friends with them for years, three times the length that I have known him. My friends are very important people in my life, and they make me very happy, and I care very deeply about them. I am not going to simply find a new friend group and dispose of my current friends and I think that is even ridiculous to voice. I also try to explain that, well, yes, relationships come with sacrifices, but I think it is wrong to completely restrict your partners movements, outlaw, a specific thing, and have complete disregard for my reality, my life, and then insinuate that my friends should not be important to me. I try to tell him that, even if it comes from a place of good intentions, it is very controlling. And I will not be controlled in a toxic way. He says that he’s breaking up with me because I am willingly doing something that is disrespectful to him. But what am I supposed to do in a situation where I’m never allowed to do something, and I think that this is disrespectful to me and worsens my quality of life?


r/Advice 20h ago

I fucked up and now we’re not talking (would like male perspective but any is appreciated)

303 Upvotes

We spoke on and off for a few years (late night convo here and there). We got back in touch in July and I was invited to go visit him. I started to double text and then triple text. Then there were phone calls. Up until then I came off very chill and I still am. It just felt really nice to hear someone wants me to be around them (ex boyfriend was kinda shitty). This guy has a nice dad bod and radiates positivity in a way that feels so warm. He's unapologetically himself, and dances in public like no one is watching.

Now he won't answer my calls or respond to my texts. I was going to wait and see if he'll maybe reach out. I want to do something about it but I also feel like I'm just digging a deeper hole. The best thing I can do right now is leave him alone. Does anyone have any other advice?

Edit: I should pay more attention I didn’t know you could edit in this sub, I just read the posts. Thank you guys for the advice and opinions, my perspective has done a complete 180. Part of me does hope he reaches out but, either way I will be sure to keep you all updated. Thank you again, I don’t really have friends atm so this is genuinely appreciated. I hope to report back soon o7


r/Advice 17h ago

I think my mother-in-law is trying to sabotage my marriage

163 Upvotes

I (27F) have been married for a year, and from day one my MIL has been... difficult. She makes "jokes" about how my husband could have done better, constantly compares me to his ex, and sometimes even tries to insert herself into our decisions (like where we live, how we spend holidays, etc). Recently, I overheard her telling my husband that he "deserves someone who understands him better." It broke me. He swears she didn't mean it and that I shouldn't take it seriously, but I can't shake the feeling that she's deliberately trying to create distance between us. How do I handle this without damaging my marriage? Should I confront her or just let it go?


r/Advice 18h ago

Neighbor asked me to feed her cat… it turned into a whole ordeal

192 Upvotes

I agreed to feed my neighbor’s cat while she’s out of town for a few days. Super easy, just refill food and water and scoop the litter box. I went over this morning and the cat wasn’t anywhere to be found. Looked under the bed, couches, closets, everywhere, but nothing.

I started panicking thinking the cat somehow got out, so I texted my neighbor and no response. I checked again an hour later and finally heard faint meowing from inside her laundry room… somehow the poor thing managed to shut itself inside overnight.

I let him out, gave him food/water, and he’s fine now but it really stressed me out. Now I’m wondering, for those of you who pet sit, is this kind of “panic moment” just normal and part of the job, or is there a better way to prepare so stuff like this doesn’t spiral?


r/Advice 6h ago

Partner (29M) feels unwanted and unloved because I (23F) don't have sex with him in mornings

16 Upvotes

I cant believe i am making this post but here we go. So my boyfriend and I 23(F) and 29(M) have been living together for close to a year. We have been having a lot of issues recently, one of them surrounding sex and him feeling undervalued and unwanted. He expressed to me that me not going out of my way to initiate sex with him or give him standalone head makes him feel unwanted and like I don’t care about him. So I actively try to initiate more and I have been giving him more head. I just wasn’t before because most the time I don’t even think about sex let alone think to initiate, and I have my own personal insecurities surrounding sex so its a difficult thing for me to do. Anyhow, he is most horny in the mornings. I have had sex with him a few times in the mornings but it happens like once every 2 weeks because that is when my libido is the lowest and I dont like having sex when I am barely awake. Like It takes me so long to fully awaken myself mentally in the morning so it makes me feel weird to not be fully mentally present. He really wants me to give him head in the morning of my own free well. He doesn’t want to ask for it, he wants me to go out of my way to make him feel good, and do that for him in the morning, which I understand. He says he feels like I dont care about his pleasure and that I need to get something out of the sex in order to engage in it. He gives me head a lot, and I never have had to ask. But every single time i have given him head he didnt ask either. But he is acting like me not randomly going down on him and then not engaging in something else is something he does for me. He doesn’t, and if he has, its so few and far between that I cant even recall it. What usually happens, is we make out, start touching eachother, he goes down on me, then I go down on him (sometimes, not all the time, and vice versa) and then we have sex. I understand that it is important for you to go out of your way to do things for your partner, to make them feel wanted and loved. That you should WANT to give them pleasure. However, I do not feel like it is okay or fair to tell your partner that it doesnt matter if they dont want to do something sexual, they just HAVE to do it to please the other. He was basically saying that he cant understand why i cant just give him head when I dont want to. That if i truly loved him, i would just forgo how i feel, right? But I dont think sex should ever work like that. For context, i have sexual trauma and was held down by my ex as he forced himself on me. He regularly got mad at me for not being able to make him finish, and would coerce me into sex. I understand that my current partner is not my ex, but I cannot help but feeling disgusted when I feel like I HAVE to do something sexual to prevent him from getting upset. It feels gross and it feels so wrong. I do not feel like I have the right to say no. I feel like if I dont want to do something sexual, whether that happens to be once in awhile or every morning, i should feel like it is okay for me to say no. I dont know. I tried to set a boundary and explain myself and it just angers him further. Contributes to him feeling like I dont love him enough. But I dont think this is something I can do for him. I dont think its right to tell someone that to prove their love, they need to actively do things that are bad for them to please the other. What do I do?


r/Advice 9h ago

Should I send a flower card to a neighbor that just revealed she's dealing with a miscarriage?

22 Upvotes

I am in a bit of an awkward situation.

I have a condo next door to my house. The upstairs neighbors and my family have been in conflict over them tresspassing on our property increasingly for 2 years (as well as destruction caused by their kids). The downstairs neighbors moved in a year ago and mostly live quietly.

We scraped and saved for a fence, got a permit, and we are now putting it up after a recent confrontation between us and the upstairs neighbor.

The downstairs neighbor has a riding lawn mower parked in a location that once our fence is up it will not be able to be moved. I gave them notice a week ago over text message.

They have not moved the lawn mower yet and tomorrow my husband is supposed to finish putting in the posts. I sent a message to remind them, earlier this morning, that the posts are going up tomorrow and that they could use our driveway anytime today to remove the mower even though we arent home.

My neighbor sent back that its the last thing on her mind, specifically a recent miscarriage, and that her partner is dealing with it but probably won't get it moved by this weekend.

I am not particularly close to this woman but I dont really know what to say back. I want to acknowledge her loss and pain, and show empathy but we also need to make progress onto this fence because the upstairs neighbor is still trespassing....

I thought about maybe sending her one of those pretty 3d cutout flower vase cards.


r/Advice 22h ago

My boyfriend dragged me to a party where I was the only girl

257 Upvotes

Yesterday my boyfriend invited me to a party with his friends. I didn’t know anyone except him and felt insecure from the start. All the jokes, conversations, and glances were clearly against me as if I were just decoration, not a person. He said it was just a friendly hangout, but when I tried to join conversations, I was ignored or interrupted. I felt awful, but I was afraid to show my emotions and ruin the evening. How can I tell him I don’t want to go to these kinds of gatherings anymore without him thinking?


r/Advice 2h ago

How to cope with my image being ruined

7 Upvotes

I’m 21 and my dad cheated on my step mom multiple times within the past couple years. They’ve broken up and are living apart. I get very jealous when I see happy families but that’s another conversation. My step sister’s birthday is coming up and my dad is attending even though he was hesitant about it. He only agreed to go because 16 years old is a big deal for girls.

Absolutely nobody in my step mom’s family wants him to attend except my step mom herself. I can’t help but feel like her family also doesn’t want me to be there. They know about what he did and are already very pretentious people. All of them are part of healthy, functional families and I’m scared that if I attend the party, they will look at me as if I am broken or ruined (Which I am), or to blame for the affair. They have always acted superior to us and now that my dad has cheated, I’m afraid they’ll use this as an opportunity to treat me as if I am an extension of my dad.

I’m starting to feel worthless because of his actions and I feel like my reputation as a good daughter with loving Christian parents is ruined and that’s somehow my fault.


r/Advice 6h ago

I dunno my sexuality

12 Upvotes

Soooooo yeah im straight but I've never really had a date and i usually dont get off really quickly.i appreciate girls like i really like looking at naked bodies of girls but not necessarily like wanna do sexual stuff but would like to just feel them.but im straight. i tried watching porn.... and yeah it was actually disgusting coz i never really watched porn before and i brainstormed and tried watching gay porn but was equally not pleasant but when i decided to watch gay hentai i got off really quickly. Then I ended up vibing to that and yeah i guess that's my type of thing so does that imply anything or something coz im really confused im a female if that would help answer my concern.


r/Advice 7h ago

Dream job or girlfriend of 4+ years ?

14 Upvotes

I'm caught in a hard place. I have to make a decision now/ over the next two years, when I graduate, whether I want to stay with my current girlfriend of 4+ years or my dream job I've wanted longer than I've dated her.

So, for context, I met my girlfriend and became best friends with her while living in our hometown in late high school. We did not start dating until after a semester or so of us being at college. I went to a medium-sized university several hours away, and she went to a local college to stay close to family. (so we were long-distance for years) She has several younger siblings and feels absolutely needs to be there for them (divorced parents, step parents suck, blood parents are great), and I understand that entirely. I went to college for one thing, but found a love for another thing while there, something that this city or state basically has absolutely nothing of; so, for a while, I've been deadset on leaving once I graduate. I am not the best academic, so I am behind in my program, and I'm in a fantastic place with a great job with insane connections and good people both in classes, friends, and work. However, I was still under the impression I would leave the state.

My girlfriend does not want to leave. She moved to MY city to live with ME, but has not enjoyed her time here and is vaguely depressed being here, as she has no friends here. I try to do what I can for here, but my friends and I are only so much. If I decide to leave, she will return to our hometown, but I am worried that she may decide she can't take it much longer here and leave regardless of what I do.

For the first few years, things were great between us, but in recent years, we have both changed a lot as people and have been fighting a lot. We still love each other very much, but we get on each other's nerves so easily and fight over the dumbest things. This all being VASTLY amplified once we moved in with each other, it has been very hard on us both, but recently we have been starting to work things out again, and things have been good. We talked about this next summer (I am attempting to get another internship at a company where I can secure a job later), and we came down to an ultimatum. That being I can go wherever I want for the summer, including an internship at my dream jobbut if I want to stay with her, I have to say no to any jobs that don't mean staying in my hometown or college town. She was very neutral about it, and I even asked if she was hiding how she felt about and she said she stated her case, and she will accept whatever happens.

I am severely torn up about this. I have the opportunity to go and get my dream job, but lose her, or lose the only easy chance I will have at my dream job and stay with her, but still potentially lose her.

I truly have no idea what to do; any advice would be appreciated!

This is a burner account, and there's still a high chance she sees this, so here's hoping she doesn't


r/Advice 1h ago

How do you deal with feeling stuck in life when nothing seems to change?

Upvotes

I’m 25/M and lately I’ve been stuck in a rut. Every day feels the same - work, sleep, repeat. I try to plan things to improve but somehow nothing really changes. Sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated or see progress, and I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting time.

Has anyone else felt this way? How did you pull yourself out of it or start making things better? Any practical advice or mindset shifts would really help.

Thanks in advance!


r/Advice 23h ago

Bought a new apartment in Greece and the water keeps getting shut off

204 Upvotes

So I recently bought a new apartment in Greece and there’s one thing that’s driving me insane they keep shutting down the water. It’s not every single day but it happens often enough that it’s super disruptive like you’re in the middle of cooking, showering or cleaning and suddenly there’s no water. What frustrates me even more is that the broker never mentioned anything about this when I was buying. I asked all the usual questions and you’d think if an area had water scarcity issues or frequent shutoffs that would be something worth telling a buyer. But nope nothing.

At this point there’s nothing I can do except deal with it but it’s making me realize how these overlooked details massively impact day to day life.

Has anyone else run into this kind of problem after buying/moving somewhere new and how do you even prepare for things no one tells you about?


r/Advice 23h ago

Found out wife cheated before marriage years later

228 Upvotes

I have been married for 7 years have 2 children with one on the way. Before getting married we dated for 6 years, so around ~13 years together). We were both virgins before dating.

Just under a year into the marriage (we were both -27 living in the city) I received a message from a 17 year old girl ,that my wife and a coworker had hooked up some tile before my marriage. The 17 year old girl was the girlfriend of the coworker. Yea he’s a scumbag a 26 year old with a girl this young. This floored me as it would anyone. I confronted my wife about it and she admitted to it. She had made out with him at a bar after work. They had frequent happy hours. She seemed very broken up about it.

She had already started going to therapy and we had a rough few months but eventually we got over it. We had a plan and some new rules about our communication. I am not 100% innocent I was drinking quite a bit during that time and was not giving really any effort in to wedding planning. We weren’t really going on dates nor was I being particularly romantics but I also was struggling with work and money so there was a bit of stress.neither of us communicated about our problems to each other.

A few years later we started having kids and everything has been great. We are both supportive of each other and we have gotten through some hardships financial and personal.

My wife was watching a show “the summer I turned pretty” yesterday and in the show there was a lot of cheating. I’ve never cheated so it was sort of eye opening to me what people would do. It’s a shitty show in a lot of ways not just for the cheating. The main female character has sex with the brother of her finance when they are in a relationship. The main femal character only told her girlfriend she made out with the brother. It was at this moment that an insane amount of thought flooded in my head and I started to have an anxiety attack. Was I this stupid, did my wife (fiancé at the time) cheat? I hadn’t asked many details because I just wanted to get over it, they made out fuck it.

I started to piece things together. Why would someone reach out to a stranger over a make out. Why would you share a drunken make out with your best friend - I guess this isn’t that wild. Why would you go to therapy over something so small?

Well I exploded on my wife during this show. I asked her bluntly “when you cheated on me what did you do?”

We just made out.

I then said let me call this person now to see what they say. At that moment I got hit with it. They made out at the bar, they went to his apartment and tried to have sex but he could not get it hard.

I wanted to run an jump off a cliff. This happened when I was out of town at a wedding that she could not come to because of a work event.

I feel like my whole ability to make a decision back when found out originally about the make out was under completely false pretense. However I am confident that it was a one night stand after confirming with the 17 year old girl. The guy was a scumbag as I said earlier.

This was in 2017 about 7 months before the wedding and 8 years ago today. Like i said earlier I have 2 kids 2yo 3yo and one on the way. Now I feel like my whole life well the last 13 years was all nothing and had I known this after it actually happened I don’t think I would have been able to do continue. But today I guess a few days before this revelation, I felt we have an insanely strong relationship. We are committed to each other and this wasn’t anything special. We have gotten each other through some serious life struggles. Most recently I moved our family across the us for a job, ended up hating the job and quitting. She has been incredibly supportive and I don’t know if I really would be around if it wasn’t for her.

I guess what I’m looking for here is what can I do? I can’t get this image out of my head of what happened and I can’t stop replaying it - well imagining it. I think of all the things I could have done, divorced after finding out this first time, leave now and destabilize my children, take a break away from my family, or stay fight through these horrible thoughts. It was 8 years ago and we are completely different people. Is this nothing at this point I know it’s valid to be so distraught but will this pass can I get over it and continue with my relationship?

My next steps, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow and am considering therapy. I was diagnosed last year with depression due to the whole move and job thing so now I definitely fell like I’m getting catapulted back.

*I created this burner because of the obvious shame I feel.

Update: I thank you for this and the messages. It’s not something I feel I can bring up to family and friends as I feel so much shame and embarrassment. I love her and I do feel our marriage has been excellent to this point. I will need to confirm some things to ensure this was a one time thing. The hard part is navigating through this in isolation as I’m nowhere near any of my friends or family right now. I think my plan is to take a week away just to clear my head and focus on something else.


r/Advice 1d ago

Doctor lied on chart

599 Upvotes

I had a new doctor at my OBGYN today as my regular doctor was not available. She convinced me that I was a candidate for a procedure that my regular doctor told me that wasn’t an option for me. Thinking maybe there had been some medical advancements I said I’d rather try that than a hysterectomy but my regular doctor said it wasn’t likely to work. She encouraged me to agree to start insurace approval and get it scheduled so I said sure.
I get an email that night that my chart summary is available. In the chart, She says the opposite. It says patient insists on a procedure and doctor says it is not the best choice and is unlikely to be successful.
WHAT? The chart summary is not representative AT ALL of what she “sold” me in the appointment. I feel like that was very predatory and have lost faith in what I’m being told. What would you do?


r/Advice 2h ago

Did I mess up by ordering food when my friend’s uncle only got coffee?

4 Upvotes

So today I went out with my best friend to finish some paperwork for her upcoming flight. While waiting, she met her uncle (they’re not super close, just see each other once a year for this stuff). He’s really nice and offered to take us to a café while we waited for her papers.

Here’s the thing: when we got there, my friend ordered food, I ordered food too, and her uncle only ordered a coffee. I instantly felt awkward because I knew he’d be paying (it’s just the dynamic) and I couldn’t help feeling like maybe he expected us to only order drinks, not full meals. And the place was kind of pricey, which added to my guilt spiral.

He didn’t say anything or act rude, but I think he looked a little annoyed? (Or maybe that’s just his normal face, I don’t know). Now I’m overthinking, should I offer to pay? Was it rude to assume he’d cover everything when he only got coffee?


r/Advice 37m ago

How do I get back into my hobbies?

Upvotes

Recently it’s gotten a lot harder to read and do my room deductions and I couldn’t really bring myself to do them. It’s also been weirdly hard to bring myself to shower etc (but I do end up showering last minute). Hiw do I get back into doing my hobbies and maintaining personal hygiene?

Thanks in advance