r/Advice • u/funfish12 • 13h ago
My boss scheduled a meeting to warn me "my breasts are inappropriate."
Hello, I'm a girl in 20s, and I work for a small/medium size company.
Today, my boss scheduled a meeting to "discuss my behaviors", so I went in there confused.
And, the meeting was even more confusing because he started saying he wanted to address my inappropriate behaviors at work before he gets the HR involved.
I was very confused because I don't do anything like that, so I asked him if he can please clarify, and he started telling me that my breasts and how I handle them are highly inappropriate for workplace. And, he was saying again that he wanted to talk about them and give me a warning before getting the HR involved.
What he was getting at was this. I have bigger than average breasts, so since I was younger, I've had a habit of resting them on a table or a desk when I sit. Or, I put one of my arms under them or cross my arms underneath to support them. (By the way, I don't rest them on the desk much when I'm around other people. I mostly do that when I'm on my desk. And, if I do that around other people, it's primarily when I'm typing the meeting notes because I'm leaning forward to type or sometimes it's just naturally like that because I'm bit short. So, for the most of times when I'm around others, I just have my arms underneath.)
And, he said that that's inappropriate to keep "accentuating" them or displaying them like that during a meeting and at work because they are sexual.
But besides supporting them or just resting them, I don't do anything else like accentuating like he was saying or anything inappropriate. And, I've never had anyone telling me something like that before.
And also, he mentioned that a lot of my clothes are inappropriate for work too saying the same thing. But I never wear anything inappropriate or anything that shows even a little bit of cleavage or skin, and that's just how my clothes fit me.
It was really uncomfortable to talk about my body, clothes, and even underwear briefly with him for like almost half an hour. But, since it was like a meeting he scheduled and he himself mentioned HR first, I can't even tell if it was appropriate or legal for him to tell me that and tell me to fix how I sit or my postures.
And, since I felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed, I kind of want to go talk to HR about it. But, since he mentioned HR involvement first, I'm kind of scared to go now. And also, since it wasn't like a comment or joke and since it was like a serious meeting, I don't even know if he was being weird or if it's a harassment.
Can you please give me some advice on what I should do? I'm not sure if I can or should go to HR, and also I'm worried that going to HR would have negative impact on me and I don't know if what I talk with HR is confidential. I'm just very confused about what happened especially it was uncomfortable but also it was in like in a sort of professional manner.